


gúðcwén

by iidajm



Series: the rightful savior [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Enemies to Friends, F/M, Female Merlin, Idiots in Love, Insanity, Magic Revealed, Male-Female Friendship, Mentions of Dark!Merlin, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Build, Slow Burn, They don't deal well with emotions, Torture, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2019-09-30 05:34:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 302,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17217980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iidajm/pseuds/iidajm
Summary: She picked up a sword when she was six, and never put it down.Now, at the age of eighteen it could finally be a good thing.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> gúðcwén = warrior queen
> 
> So, this is my first ever fanfiction in the Merlin fandom! English is not my first language, so please, if you see mistakes or too see weird sentences. let me know!  
> Also, I'm extremely paranoid, so i set the rating to explicit, just in case as there will be some semi-graphic sex things, violence and torture, etc. You know the drill!
> 
> More notes at the end, enjoy the prologue!
> 
> EDIT: I changed the rating from explicit to mature, since I realized that I was saving up the more gruesome and/or sexual things for later stories.

_There was blood. Blood and screaming everywhere she looks. Her feet are leading her out, to safety - except she doesn't know where that is. Her hair is sticking to her face which was covered in sweat and blood. She's clutching her sword in her shaking, sweaty hand and the other is pressed to her shoulder that was bleeding heavily. The pain is blinding, her head is throbbing and she almost could not see anything as the sweat and blood mixed with the tears in her eyes. She hates, hates the chaos, hates that she has to hurt these people - but she has to get away!_

_Someone grabs her ankle, making her fall with a scream and catch her weight with her hands. Her sword clatters away, out of reach. The man crawls over her and twists her on her back, looming over her now. The black eyes lock on her face and a cruel smile spreads on his lips as he put a hand on her throat, squeezing hard. The girl fights to get some breath, her face turns red and vision blurs._

_"You're not going anywhere," she hears him snarl and sees a dagger lifting up, ready to be plunged in her chest. She screams, trashes and suddenly manages to bend her leg between them. She lands a hard kick on the man's stomach causing him to fly backwards, and hit his head hard. She scrambles up, grabs her sword and runs._

_She runs for god knows how long, dodging her attackers and killing those who dare to try and stop her. Her sword is covered in blood, so are her tattered clothes. She sees her horse in the distance, already free and rearing to his hind legs, agitated._

_Suddenly someone appears before her and grabs her by the shoulder. With a scream she slashes her blade and gets free. Her eyes lock with them - dark, chocolate brown eyes look at her, filled with pain and betrayal, as the man falls on his knees. She freezes at the sight._

_"NO!"_

***

The birds were chirping joyously and a small wind was rustling the leaves when a scream pierced the air when the sun spread first rays on the ground. A young woman woke up from her uneasy sleep with tears her eyes and heart pounding painfully against her chest. She swallowed repeatedly for a whole minute before her heart began to calm down and she flopped back on her bedroll, wincing when she felt how hard it was. Hands came up to wipe the tears away accompanied by a frustrated groan. She stared at the canopy of dark green trees with wide eyes, cursing her nightmares to the deepest pit of hell. She hasn't had them in over two months but here they were again.

With a muffled curse, the black haired girl rolled up and stretched her arms and back, before rolling her bedroll in a neat bundle, all the while muttering to herself how stupid this all was and she really needed to find somewhere to settle. She was so tired of moving all the time, so tired of running.

"I really need to get some food…" Merlyn mumbled as her stomach grumbled loudly. She hadn't eaten anything but dry bread for a week now, not coming across any villages that could give her anything in exchange for work. They had all been so poor, that Merlyn had only helped with some things, eating her own meager rations and then moving on again. She wasn't even sure where she was, maybe in Nemeth? Essetir? The girl shook her head - that was not important. What was important, was food. And a proper bed. _Oh, gods, a bed!_ She thought longingly and sighed as she walked to her horse.

Saewig was truly a beautiful stallion with his dark brown color and shining black mare, with a white spot between his eyes and the same color socks above his hoofs. Merlyn had bought him two years ago after saving some gold for over a year. Saewig had been her only companion for the last eight months if you didn't count the people she met during riding through villages. She could not have hoped for a better horse - he had a kind nature, never rebelling against her commands and he was much faster and more intelligent than most of the other horses.

Smiling at her horse she strapped the bedroll to her saddle and dug through her bags, hoping to find something to eat. Letting out a victorious sound, she pulled an apple out and dug her teeth in it happily and mounting Saewig. Merlyn stroked his neck a bit before kicking her heels to the horse's sides, urging him to move while taking another bite from the apple. "Let's get moving, Saewig, maybe the next place will have some spare food for me and something other than grass for you."

The forest was silent for the most part. Her dark blue eyes roamed to the trees, vigilant for danger but still enjoying the nature. She had always felt more at ease in the woods, her whole body seemed to relax and her magic flowed more calm too. She could practically feel the magic of the earth flowing through her while she rode forward, looking for the road she was last night before making camp.

After a few minutes of navigating her way through the trees, she found the road and saw a few travelers ahead of her, walking towards her. They were most likely just simple peasants, judging by their clothes and the cart they were pulling behind them. She thought about asking if they had any food with them that they could spare, but when she saw their faces, she decided not to. The woman saw staring at Merlyn with her mouth open, amazement written all over her face and the man looked scared, and a little disapproving. She was really not surprised.

At the young age of eighteen, Merlyn was quite a sight. While she definitely was a girl with a pretty face, high cheekbones and captivatingly blue eyes, a raven black hair that reached her lower back and a woman's body, she was not the most girly-girl you could see. Her hair was pulled back to a tight plait with no hair on her face and her clothes were not so common on women - black worn out, muddy boots that reached her knees, dark leather pants and a white, a bit dirty tunic with sleeves rolled to her elbows. Over the tunic, she had a leather vest that served the same purpose as a chainmail, but gave her more room to move and was not so uncomfortable. Merlyn had a pink scar on her upper lip that ruined the pretty face a bit, as it contorted her lip slightly upwards when she kept her face slack. The scar could be seen fairly easily even from a distance, though Merlyn rarely even remembered it anymore as it was over a year old. And, of course, the weapons - a sword on her hip, three dagger attached to her belt and a crossbow strapped to her saddle behind her.

Merlyn was not completely sure if it was the weapons, her clothes or her face that made everyone a bit hesitant to be in her company, but sure enough, the travelers scrambled to the other side of the road as if they were scared that she would bite them. Merlyn rolled her eyes at them, but didn't stop them. The peasants were quickly forgotten though, when she heard shouting and swords clashing somewhere further. Merlyn was not one to miss a fight, and to help others if she could have a say in it.

Apple quickly forgotten, she kicked Saewig in to a fast gallop and followed the sounds of clashing swords and muffled yells. She had to leave the road eventually, as the fighting was clearly happening somewhere in the forest. Just to be safe, she unstrapped the crossbow and brought it in front of her, ready to shoot if necessary. Merlyn was not the best with the crossbow, but luckily rarely missed her target.

Seemed that getting the bow really was necessary, for when she found the small clearing things were not looking so good. There were at least nine brutes surrounding a man and a girl no more than eighteen. They were dressed well, so they probably had money on them too. There were also two men lying on the forest floor wearing red capes - guards, maybe? - but Merlyn did not focus on then as she stopped her horse and lifted the crossbow. She took one deep breath and then a second later the arrow was in the back of one of the attackers. He had been the closest to the victims, so that meant that everyone now knew Merlyn was there. Not wanting to waste any time, she dropped the weapon and jumped off her horse.

The man who was being attacked and was shielding the girl - his daughter perhaps? They looked vaguely similar -, turned his head to look at Merlyn, as she drew her sword behind the thugs. The man's face was filled with unease when he realized that the savior was a woman. He too had a sword in his hand, as did the girl, but alone they were no match to the bandits. While the girl seemed to know what she was doing, she was not skilled enough. Merlyn looked at the man and nodded quickly, before shifting her focus to the attackers, who were now facing her. They were laughing loudly, clearly not understanding how a woman could be any match against them. Merlyn smirked slightly and swirled the sword in her hand as she lowered herself to a battle stance. With a crooked finger she invited them to attack. That shut the men up.

The first one to come at her was beaten fairly quickly, as he underestimated her skills. She slashed at his stomach and at the same time pulled one of the three daggers from her belt, throwing it to another's chest. Then the brutes seemed to finally realize that she really was a threat, and began to advance as one. There were still six of them left, so the fight might have been more difficult if the man she had been saving had not started his own attack from the behind. The young black-haired girl was pushed behind a tree and together, Merlyn and the man who clearly knew how to fight, finished the thugs off. It was bloody and brutally easy between the two of them.

Merlyn got a fairly deep gash on her left forearm and smaller ones on her right cheek and thigh, but she did not really care about them as she rushed to make sure that the girl was still fine. The man was checking if the men in the red capes were alive. Merlyn was not one to care about people that easily, but when it was a girl in a pretty dress and clearly was not a fighter herself, Merlyn wanted to make sure nothing had happened. She had a small soft spot to helpless people, she'd admit that.

Merlyn squatted next to the girl, who was hiding her face against her knees. She touched her wrist gently and tried not to frighten her, but the girl still jumped and swung her sword frantically. Merlyn managed to grab her wrist before the blade hit her in the face. "It's alright! It's fine, the men are gone, you're fine!" She reassured the girl, who relaxed and dropped the blade from her shaking hands with a relieved sigh. Before Merlyn could say anything, the man appeared and knelt next to the girl, pulling her in his arms.

"Oh, Morgana, you're alright. We're fine," he shushed. The girl - Morgana - did not cry or anything though, only shook a little and kept her wide, emerald green eyes on Merlyn. The warrior in question nodded a little and got up, grabbing her sword from the ground in the progress. She sheathed it and was about to walk to her horse, when the man spoke.

"You saved us." Merlyn looked over her shoulder to them. The man had helped Morgana up, and they were both looking right back at her. Now she could see the resemblance in them; they both had green eyes and sharp noses, and small birthmarks near their left eyebrow. And, both looked awed at the moment. Merlyn just shook her head as she turned back to them properly.

"It's fine. When you have the skills to help, it's only right to help. Even when you don’t know the people you're helping," she said and placed a hand on the hilt of her sword to make a point, a small smile on her lips. The man looked mildly confused, but the girl looked like she had found a new god. The thought made Merlyn slightly nervous; she never wanted anyone to think her as anything else than a girl who was good with a sword. So what if she had powerful magic? No one but she and three others knew about it, so even that could not gain any awe from anyone. And she did not even think that she was that good with the sword - well, that was a lie, she was extremely good with it, but surely there were people who were better? Treat them as gods, not Merlyn!

"You don't know who we are?" The man's question made Merlyn frown a little. Were they nobility? She shook her head slowly and got an amused smile from the girl. The smile confused Merlyn even more. Was she supposed to know them? She had never met any nobility in any country she had been.

The man raised his brows after glancing briefly at his daughter. "This is princess Morgana of Camelot," he started slowly, "my daughter." Merlyn's jaw dropped a little. Princess? His daughter? That would mean..

"You're the king," she stated bluntly, not really giving a thought to manners or anything like that. She had saved the bloody king of Camelot? _King Uther Pendragon of Camelot?_ The Butcher, The Monster, The Magic-Hating Tyrant King of Camelot?

_Oh sweet lord, have mercy. I should have let them die,_ she thought bitterly but kept her face blank. Merlyn was just glad she had not used any magic while fighting the bandits, or the king would have had her head even after she saved them. The man was not known for his mercy, and his hatred of magic knew no limits. It was known everywhere in the land, and Merlyn had been taught of it since she was a child. Everyone who possessed the gift and had their wits still intact, did not place a toe inside of Camelot's border. And here Merlyn was, actually being thanked by _the aforementioned king?! Of Camelot? In Camelot?!_ _The world was a funny place._

King Uther nodded at the statement, not even bothered by the lack of bowing and whatnot people usually did when they talked to him. "You saved me and, more importantly, my daughter. We owe you our lives. A dept must be repaid! You will join us as we travel back to the city, and you shall be rewarded," he announced - not even asking, more like ordering - and smiled down at her daughter, who clearly had been thinking the same thing. Thank the stars Merlyn knew how to keep her face straight, or it would have showed the utter surprise and mild disgust she felt; she really did not want anything from the man, she just wanted to leave the country as fast as she could.

But then, a thought came to her - maybe the reward was money? Or a home? Or a job? Merlyn knew how to keep her magic a secret - she had to, if she did not want any unwanted attention to her. And Merlyn had even learned how to mask her magic from anyone who could sense it, besides the Druids of course - if it meant she had the means to actually eat and sleep somewhere that was not in the _bloody_ woods. Her back was protesting nowadays, after eight months with only a bedroll and her extra tunic as a pillow. And if the reward was a job, like Merlyn knew some royals gave their rewards, that would also mean a salary and maybe a place to stay. So, Merlyn did the only thing she could, and the thing she never thought she would do - she tilted her head to the king, who'd kill her right there and then if he knew of her magic, as a sign of gratitude and respect.

"I would be honored, my lord."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, in my head, Merlyn looks kind of like this:
> 
> http://www.prettydesigns.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Pretty-Hairstyles-for-Black-Hair-Long-Black-Hair.jpg
> 
> But she obviously has a bit more muscle on her body, and she is more serious looking all the time. But that gives you a good understanding of my thoughts. If you know an actress or something that would fit in the description, please let me know! And just a warning before you go all crazy - yes, the characters will be very OC, because some of them will have different backstories, like Merlyn, Morgana, Mordred and Lancelot. Arthur too will be a bit different, but that's just because I wanted him to be. Let me know if the changes in Arthur are too much! (He will be around from chapter two more)
> 
> Oh, and one more thing; I will not be promising you an exact schedule, because I'm writing this when ever I find some free time, and that really does not happen often. I have a few chapters already written that I'm editing at the moment, so be patient!


	2. The unconventional reward and a funny world

Camelot was truly a beautiful place.

Merlyn had been riding with the king and the princess for an hour when they reached a hill that overlooked the city. She had one of the injured men on her horse in front of her, and Uther had the second one. Both were only unconscious and did not have any serious wounds. The king had told her that they were knights that had been accompanying them to a grave of a friend for their monthly visit. The knights had been fairly new to the job and only knighted a month ago, so they were not as talented as the others but were the only ones available. They were both quite young, barely more than boys. So, because they were carrying them the journey had been a bit slower. But when Merlyn's eyes landed on the sight of the castle, her irritation of the speed was forgotten.

It was so brightly white and magnificent that Merlyn was momentarily lost in words. Sure, this was the kingdom that hated her kind, but _bloody hell_ , was it beautiful. Tall, strong walls surrounded the town, and in the middle was a huge castle with towers that touched the skies, long lines of battlements surrounding it and bright red flags flowing on top of the roofs. Even though they were rather far away, she could hear shouting and guards' horns, letting people know their king had been sighted. Merlyn had a hard time ripping her eyes from the sight, but the others were already riding towards it, so she had to move.

The sight that greeted them when they got through the city gates did not disappoint her either. A stall after stall of trinkets, colorful fabrics, sweets and pastries that smelled delicious and everything else you could think of. The people were running around, children were laughing when they ran away from their mothers and she swore she could hear a bard or two singing somewhere between the houses. When the people of Camelot saw their king approaching, they respectfully moved to the sides and bowed or curtsied, sending confused looks to Merlyn who was riding behind him next to Morgana. Again, it was not surprising.

They reached the courtyard a few minutes later. Four guards dressed in mails and red capes came to them, and took the unconscious knights with their horses to carry them to the physician. Merlyn jumped off of her horse and lifted her eyes up to see the castle better. She stroked Saewig's neck while twisting her own neck awkwardly to see everything. The castle was even more magnificent up close and Merlyn could not contain the amazed hum that escaped her mouth. She heard an amused snicker next to her and lowered her eyes to the princess.

"Beautiful, is it not?" She hummed smiling as she handed her horses reins to a servant that had appeared for seemingly out of nowhere. The boy also took Merlyn's reins from her, not listening to her confused protests. "Oh, don't worry, George will take good care of your ride, won't you George?" Morgana smiled at the boy, who puffed his chest proudly before walking away with the horses. Merlyn was a bit perplexed of how nice Morgana was to the servant, as most sovereigns and nobles alike were usually awfully rude to the help. Maybe Morgana was the only one?

Before Merlyn could ask where Saewig was being taken to, the king came to them with another servant. "Mary here will show you to the royal physician, to make sure your wounds will not turn for the worst. Two hours from now, she'll bring you to the council chambers for you to be rewarded for your bravery," he waved his hand towards the girl, who curtsied and smiled politely at Merlyn. Merlyn was again a bit baffled with all of this, but decided to just nod and follow the servant.

 

Mary led Merlyn through the castle. She was already completely lost when they turned for the third time but after five minutes they reached the correct door on the top of a small staircase. Mary knocked on the door before entering, announcing that a guest of the king is in the need of the physician. After hearing a permission to enter, Merlyn walked through the door, only to end up in the most chaotic, but exciting room she had ever seen.

The physicians room was situated in a tower and it had two levels. The walls were mostly rounded, in the same shape as the tower itself and the walls were filled with bookshelf's. The first level was clearly a workroom, patient room and the living room, all in the same, but it looked homely. There were jars, vials, herbs, books and other unknown objects everywhere she looked. A shabby privacy screen divided the living and working area, and the corner with three cots. Two of them were occupied by the knights Merlyn and the king had brought with them, so the last one was probably the physicians own. At the back of the room was an open door on top of a small staircase, which showed a full room of crates, more jars and a spare cot. On the wall near the backroom, a rickety staircase climbed up to the second level, which was more like a balcony that had more books.

"Ah, you must be the guest then?" A friendly voice to Merlyn's left brought her back from her thoughts and she turned to it. The man was certainly old, with a silvery hair and a wrinkled skin, but his eyes were bright and sharp, so it was clear that despite his age he still had a well-working head on his shoulders. He was wearing a dark blue robe with golden embroidery that reached the floor and glasses on his nose, eyeing her curiously behind them. Merlyn nodded to him, and he led her to sit by the table.

Merlyn lifted her left arm so the man could see the wound better. She had covered it with a bandage, as well as the one on her thigh, but knew that it needed stitches. The old man removed the cloth gently and cleaned the skin to see it better. Merlyn grimaced a bit when he prodded the wound, but did not say anything. The old man walked to one of his many cupboards, and came back with a jar filled with yellowish paste, a needle and thread, and clean bandages. "So, tell me miss, how did you happen to find the king and his daughter? Were you coming to Camelot?" The physician asked suddenly as he stuck the needle through her skin. His voice was even, but Merlyn detected some suspicion from it too.

"I actually did not know I was in Camelot, when I found them," Merlyn answered through her gritted teeth. Oh, how she hated the stitching. "I only found out after the king introduced himself." The man hummed a little. He worked quickly, thank god, and then began to apply the paste on the wound.

"Mind telling me your name? You have a look on you that tells me that I'll be seeing you often," he said smiling slightly and glanced at her over his glasses. Merlyn snorted, but could not disagree. She did have a knack on getting hurt, and even with her magic, she was horrible in healing spells. Usually she managed to make the injuries worse, so she had tried to study mundane healing. She was not really good at it, hence the poor bandaging. It was a lot harder to treat yourself than others.

"Merlyn," the girl answered. She did not see the shocked look on him as she was looking at the window a few feet from them, but she did notice him freeze suddenly. Merlyn turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow, and met the man's wide eyes. "What?" She asked, worried that she did something wrong. The man blinked a couple of times before shaking his head and continued to wrap her arm. He had a faraway look on his face but did not stop his movements.

"Nothing, I apologize. I just knew a little girl with that name. She was the daughter of my father's second wife," he muttered frowning. Merlyn mirrored the expression. Her name was not very common. She did not remember her mother well, but knew she was named after her favorite bird. Merlyn only remembered how she had been teased for her name; the other children in her old village had called her a bird-faced creature mostly.

The physician then gave the same treatment to the shallow wound on her thigh, giving Merlyn some time to debate with herself if she wanted to ask the question she was thinking.

"Do you mean Hunith?" She asked quietly and watched how the man snapped his eyes back to her face. He stared at her for a moment, studying her face before he broke to a wide smile and nodded. Merlyn felt her heart clench with suppressed emotions; she had not seen her mother after she'd been taken from her at the age of two, and somehow knew she was dead. The person who had taken Merlyn had suggested so much so she would not try to leave. Merlyn was not sure what had made her believe the mad woman, but she had.

The physician sat in front of her on a stool after he had addressed her second wound, and cleaned the one on her cheek next. "I have not seen her in years. How is she?" He asked smiling. Merlyn swallowed her tears down. She had lived without her mother for years, but the pain had not lessened. Merlyn shook her head as she lowered her eyes to the newly bandaged arm.

"She's dead," she mumbled and heard the man's sudden intake of air. "At least I think she is. I was taken from her when I was only two and the woman said she had died. Six months ago I visited Ealdor, tried to ask about her but no one had any answers. Only that they had not seen her in years or did not know who she was." A wrinkled hand landed on her own and she looked at the man's sympathetic eyes. They were filled with unshed tears, glistening in the sunlight. "It's fine, really. I don't remember her almost at all, but what I do remember… they're good memories," she assured the man with a small, sad smile.

"I'm so sorry for asking. I have been wondering why she had not written, but only thought that she'd moved away or forgotten. I never thought of hearing that she had passed," he smiled a bit as a tear fell on his cheek, looking almost ashamed of admitting it, but then took a deep breath, wiped his face dry and patted her hand. "But let's not bring forth sad memories. My name is Gaius, and I'm the court physician, as you might have noticed." Merlyn smiled to him again and nodded.

"Yes, I figured as much. Do you have any idea of what to expect when you're being rewarded by the king?" Gaius only shook his head, but smiled like he knew something. "Don't lie to me. I may not know you, but I know when people try to keep things from me. Spill," she said narrowing her eyes at the man. Gaius raised his eyebrow nearly to his hairline, but sighed. They had known each other for only five minutes, but Merlyn already felt comfortable around the man. She was sure that she would be visiting him often, injured or not.

"Well, almost thirty years ago I found a young king in the woods, injured and unconscious and I treated him. He took me to the castle and gave me this job, as he had seen my skills with medicine. If you were a noble or a man for that matter, he would have offered you a job as knight or a guard. If you're good with a sword, of course. But, you being a woman…" he trailed off, but she understood perfectly. Merlyn being a woman would not land her a job of a knight or a guard. She sighed; well, if she would not be made a maid, then almost anything would do.

"Well, we'll see later then. Could you tell me about the kingdom? I'd like to know about it before I decide if I want to even stay," the warrior-girl asked as she unattached her sword from her belt and placed it on the table. Gaius smiled at the question and stood up, cleaning the supplies before wondering to the fireplace to fetch some boiling water. He made them some herbal tea and launched in to the story.

He talked about the king, who had won the kingdom his family had built, from a vengeful enemy-king, and then when he had passed four years later, prince Uther had been crowned king. His older brother should have been crowned, but he had died of a horrible illness a few months before. Uther had been only just over twenty winters then. He had married a lovely, beautiful and compassionate woman named Lady Ygraine of Cornwall after being the king for three years, and after eight years of marriage they had a son, Arthur. The queen had died at childbirth because of magic - the fact made Merlyn grimace, but Gaius luckily did not notice - so the king had started a war against all magic-users in his grief that was still going on. During the third year of The Purge, Uther had a child with a noblewoman, who killed herself in shame of cheating her late husband. The husband himself had already died two months before the child had born. Uther, while saddened by the death of Lady Vivienne, had made it public that the child was his and would be the princess of Camelot.

After twenty years of The Purge, the kingdom was in peace and Camelot had treaties with most of the surrounding kingdoms. Uther was a proud father of Arthur, who was the leader of Camelot's knights and her army, and of Morgana, who was a true beauty and an intelligent, strong woman who would be a great queen to some lucky prince.

Merlyn enjoyed the story, minus the part of The Purge of course, and thanked Gaius for telling. It was almost time to her to go get her reward, so she probably had to get something cleaner to wear. She only had one other tunic with her - a purple one that was a little small on her around her chest, but would be fine. At least it was clean, what could not be said about her leather pants and boots. She had no time to change those too. She pursed her lips and, without thinking, let her eyes flash gold. Her clothes cleaned in a blink of an eye, and a loud gasp sounded from the physician. Merlyn realized her mistake the same moment.

She jumped up to look at Gaius with wide eyes, hands in the air as a sign that she would not do anything. "I'm so, so sorry! I promise, I won't do anything, I swear. Please, don't tell the king! I beg you, Gaius!" She rambled, panicking. While Merlyn was not really afraid, as she knew she could escape easily, she did not like the fact that after so little time, Gaius would reject her. Gaius just stared at her, eyes glazed and mouth open. It took the man nearly a minute to snap out of his thoughts. What Merlyn was not expecting, was a slap to the side of her head.

"You utter imbecile! What if someone else had seen?!" He hissed. She blinked owlishly for a while, eyebrows raised. Gaius went to check that the knights were still unconscious, but when he came back his eyes were filled with concern.

"You.. you're not scared?" She managed to ask. Her voice shook a little, mostly from her shock. Merlyn had thought that in Camelot, people would immetiadly scream _sorcerer_ and run as if burnt when they saw golden eyes. But Gaius, he seemed more scared of someone seeing her, not _of_ her _._ The old man truly was a riddle, but as long as he was not telling Uther, she would be pleased. The old man had been family with her mother, so maybe that would protect her as he was sort of Merlyn's family too. Her only family to be exact.

Gaius scoffed at her question. "Scared of you? No. Scared _for_ you? Definitely. You may not remember me, but I remember you. You really need to keep it in your mind that you will be killed for doing that, dear, even if it's just to clean your clothes," he scolded pointing a finger at Merlyn's face. She nodded slowly. "And for the question you're probably going to ask, the reason I'm not more shocked is that I was there when you were born. Almost immetiadly after you were in your mother's arms, your eyes flashed gold. Nothing happened then, but it showed you being something no one has ever seen. After over eighteen years I remember that day as if it had happened yesterday," he continued, now in a more gentle voice. He walked to her and cupped her face, looking at her eyes. She didn't have a chance to say anything when a knock came from the door.

"Miss? The king is expecting you," a timid voice came from the hallway. Gaius smiled at Merlyn, patted her uninjured cheek and took a step back. Merlyn stood there frozen a couple of seconds before snapping out of her shock and grabbed her sword.

"Thank you, Gaius. Truly," the witch said sincerely as she attached the scabbard back on her belt. The old man just nodded and shoved her gently towards the door. The servant was standing on the first step of the stairs and curtsied to Merlyn again, before walking ahead towards the council chambers. Merlyn followed silently, still deep in her thoughts of Gaius and her magic. She had never told anyone willingly, people who knew had always seen her do it. But having Gaius there in the same city with her was a relief - she did not know the man, but already knew she could trust him.

 

During the walk to the king, Merlyn saw more people than before. Most of the servants ignored her, as they probably did not know who she was or why she was there, but some of them bowed or curtsied to her. Nobles looked at her along their upwards pointed noses, knights gawked and guards only stared. Merlyn saw all kinds of expressions; shock, disapproval, awe and interest mostly. She tried not to be bothered, so she kept her eyes on the way forward. Merlyn's face was stoic - she had adopted that look years ago, because it made her look more professional. Her eyes were sharp under her long, dark lashes and the fresh, cleaned cut on her cheek, combined with her blank face probably made her look a bit scary. The thought amused Merlyn, but she kind of liked it - at least it would mean that no one in their right mind would try to question why she was carrying weapons.

Finally, after another five minutes of walking along the maze of corridors, they reached the huge wooden doors. A guard let them in but no one noticed them. Well, the king did, but he did not say anything. The nobles were standing in front of the king and the knights were milling along the walls. They were all talking to each other, so apparently Uther had waited for Merlyn to join. She stayed next to the doors, leaning against a pillar and looked around. The room was a big one as was every other room she had seen by now. A long table was pulled to the wall, so it must have been a council table. The men and women were all dressed in finery, jewels on their necks and fingers and no hair in the wrong place. The knights on the other hand all wore identical armor and, now familiar to Merlyn, long red capes that touched the floor. They too were talking among themselves, but they were more serious-looking than the nobles.

The king suddenly cleared his throat to get everyone's attention. The room fell silent instantly. "Thank you all for coming," he started as he stood from his throne and walked a few steps forward. Merlyn kept her eyes on him. "I'm sure you all heard of the attack on me and princess Morgana. We were returning from the grave of Gorlois, when a dozen of bandits ambushed us on a small clearing and demanded money. We were lucky that they did not recognize us, or we would have been taken for ransom. Sirs Harold and Jackson fought valiantly, but were knocked unconscious fairly quickly. It was then only Morgana and I," the king watched his knights while talking. The men were all tense and gripping the hilts of their swords. Uther swept his eyes over the council before continuing.

"When the men were coming closer, an arrow was shot from the woods. It instantly killed the bandit closest to us. The savior then attacked the men, quickly killing two of them as they underestimated the opponent." Merlyn raised a brow when she noticed how Uther was not saying how she was woman. She grinned a little, maybe he wanted to shock them. She hoped he did.

"Our savior was more skilled with the sword than I would have guessed. So skilled, that the fight between both of us was fairly easy to win. They also checked that the princess was uninjured and was going to leave without expecting a reward or even a gratitude. They did not even know who we were, only helped when needed. The exact words were 'when you have the skills to help, it's only right to help. Even when you don’t know the people you're helping' and they are the truest words I have heard in a long time," he stated and received nods from the council and the knights. Merlyn was only surprised of the king remembering what she had said.

Uther now smiled slightly. "The same idea, I must admit, should be used when you are giving a reward." Merlyn's jaw fell a little. _So.. I really won't be made to a maid?_ was the only thing she had time to think, when the king's voice rang again, louder this time. "Merlyn, please step forward."

Taking a deep breath, the girl in question straightened herself and strode towards the kind confidently. She heard the gasps almost at the same moment she walked to the council's sight. Merlyn did not pay any attention to them, only looking at the king - _he is smirking! He really does enjoy this,_ she mused in her head. Merlyn stopped a few feet away from the monarch and - to the council's shock - bowed low instead of curtsying. The girl then clasped her hands behind her back and locked eyes at the king's face. She could hear whispering behind her and saw how Uther was sweeping his eyes over the nobles and knights, still with the amused smile on his aging face.

"I know that I cannot overlook years of tradition. The knights are the best on the land, and are formed from nobles. And men. And sadly, you are neither so I can't knight you." Merlyn knew her eyes betrayed her disappointment, but the king was not finished. "I can, however, give you a different job. You are clearly no maid, but a warrior of different kind, so your job will be more fitting to you," Uther was now looking somewhere over Merlyn's shoulder with a sharp look in his eyes.

"You will be made an advisor of sorts to my son, prince Arthur. You will train with the knights, join patrols and join wars if they are to come. And," the man raised a hand to silence the protests that were already coming from someone, probably the prince himself, "while I know this is hardly conventional and extremely different from what I've done before, I cannot let Merlyn leave. I have seen her skill with the sword, her passion on helping and protecting and how much of an asset she would be here. I must think of the good of the kingdom, and an magnificent fighter, man or a woman, noble or a commoner, is just that." The final statement was just that, final. No one dared to protest.

Merlyn waited for the king to speak directly to her. Her head was spinning wildly - an advisor? Well, basically she would be a knight in everything but name, but still. The king had only seen her fight once and that was against some bandits who had the same skill level as a child. Had she really impressed the king so much?

"Your pay will be the same as a knight's and you will be given chambers here in the castle. You will not be staying in the knights' barracks but in the same wing as the prince. That too is hardly conventional, but being a woman and in the king's good grace has benefits," Uther smiled at her and waved a servant over. Merlyn actually smiled back and nodded, that way showing that she accepted the job. How could she not? She would be given her own chambers! And a well paid job! _Life really is funny sometimes._

The servant was different from before, but looked nice. She had a brown, wildly curly hair, light-brown skin and a friendly smile. "This is Guinevere and she will be escorting you to your new rooms, and later taking your measurements for your new wardrobe. The costs will be taken from the princess, as she wanted to do something on her own to thank you. She was extremely adamant with that," he finished with a small frown but smiled still. Merlyn raised a brow, but only bowed again to the king and turned to follow the girl. She saw the confused faces of the nobles and mildly worried looks on the knights. Well, tomorrow those worries would be no more, as she hopefully could show them she was not made of glass.

But one face caught her attention. The man was half a head taller than her, with a golden hair and piercing blue eyes. His build was strong, chest and shoulders wide and arms clearly muscled under his armor and cape. He was good looking, but the angry scowl on his face pretty much ruined the thought. _Hm, this must be the prince,_ she thought as she locked eyes with him. The young man's eyes widened a bit, but the angry look did not disappear. Merlyn only rolled her eyes and walked past him out to the hall behind the maid.

 

The servant, Guinevere, slowed to walk next to her. "So, I'm Guinevere, but most people call me Gwen. I'm the princess' maidservant, but she has loaned me to you for tonight. She wanted to know if you'd join her for dinner tonight?" She inquired with a bright smile. Merlyn shook her head, but the smile did not vanish. "Oh, but that's alright. Hm, I'll be taking your measurements when we're in your new chambers. My Lady was not sure what kind of clothes you normally wear, so she's made arrangements to make you at least seven tunics, seven vests, a few corsets, four pairs of trousers and some nightclothes, as well as a cloak, a couple of jackets and also three pairs of new boots. Oh, and a dress," she concluded the list and Merlyn's head was spinning again. Sure, she had helped them, but seriously?! She had ever only owned two tunics at a time and maybe two pairs of trousers and a pair of boots, she never even had a wardrobe!

"I don't think I'll be needing all that…" she tried to protest, but Gwen gave her a pointed look that said 'try to deny the princess anything she wants'. Merlyn let out a heavy sigh. "Well, at least no dress. I have never worn a dress, so I have no need for one," Merlyn almost wanted to beg, but somehow managed to keep her tone to neutral. The maid nodded and Merlyn sighed in relief. She truly had not worn a dress, like, _ever_ , or maybe when she was just a child but these days? Nah, the skirt would be in the way.

It did not take them long to reach her chambers. They were on the second floor, almost right above the castle entrance. Gwen pushed the door open and let Merlyn in first. Her eyes widened at the sight. While the chambers were definitely not fitting for royalty, they were the finest Merlyn had ever seen or lived in, and quite probably one of the nicest in the castle. They contained a huge wardrobe, a bookshelf and a small cupboard, a dining table with four high-back chairs, a thick rug, a full-body mirror and a four-poster bed big enough for two sleepers. The window overlooked the courtyard and she could see the forest and the mountains in the distance.

"Bloody hell," she muttered and stroked the bedding. Gwen snorted silently behind her and made Merlyn glace at the maid over her shoulder. The girl blushed dark red and lowered her eyes, rambling apologies and averting her eyes. Merlyn raised a brow. "Gwen, it's fine. And for my words, I've just never… never lived somewhere like this. I don't even remember having a bed of my own, certainly not one this nice," she explained and shifted her gaze back to the bed. _A bloody bed of my own!_

Gwen stood by the now closed door as the warrior walked slowly around the room taking everything in. The colors of the room were quite dark, containing lots and lots of dark red, but also some gold and white. The curtains were heavy and would block the sun well. There was a leather covered journal on the dining table with a quill and ink next to it, a jug of water and a couple of goblets beside them. The wardrobes door were open and her old clothes were already there - dark brown leather pants, white tunic from before (already washed and mended), and also her old green cloak that was way too thin for winter after these years. Her bag was next to the bed with her other pair of boots.

"Well. I'm sure I can manage here," Merlyn joked and wrinkled her nose at the maid, who grinned at her. She then guided her to the mirror and asked her to remove her tunic and leather mail, so she could the measurements. The maid clearly saw all the bruises, cuts and scars when the purple fabric was pulled off, but did not say anything. Her fingers were light and professional, eyes never leaving the string she used. It gave Merlyn time to let her thoughts drift.

In one day, she had gone from running away from her past, sleeping under the stars and barely eating to living in the castle, using her skills for the good of the kingdom and having an actual job. Yes, the king still was a monster in her mind, but she did need the coins if she wanted to survive. Her job may not be what she had expected, but at least she had not been appointed to a servant or anything like that. And even if the prince turned out to be the worst person in the world, she could manage. She was definitely not here to make any friends, only to work, earn and then either stay or leave somewhere else. She was not tied to Camelot, she could disappear is she so wanted. But she did realize something; Merlyn picked up a sword when she was _six_ , and never put it down. Now, at the age of eighteen it could finally be a good thing. Right?

Gwen left her alone after an hour of measuring and promised to bring her the clothes in three days. Merlyn thanked her and then was left alone to stand in front of the window, just watching the people run around. Her eyes landed on a familiar golden hair. The man was waving his hands around, upset about something - well, Merlyn could give a pretty good guess on what the reason was. The knight next to him said nothing, only listened as they stopped to the side. The knight was very tall, strongly built too but did not have that arrogant glow on him. A brown beard covered most of his face and a same shade hair reached his ears. He looked mildly irritated, but clearly did not have the nerve to stop his prince.

Suddenly the knight was looking back at her. Merlyn did not move, just raised a brow and quirked the corner of mouth briefly. The man pursed his lips to keep a smile off his face as he lowered his eyes again. The witch smirked a little as she moved away from the window. Maybe she'd have at least one person to talk to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uther seems to be way too nice right now... but no worries, you see the dick-Uther later!
> 
> Any thoughts on the first real chapter? Good and bad comments will be read and answered, I look forward on reading your thoughts on this. Until the next time! And yeah, I got this up much more quickly I thought, but the next ones will take some time. Let me know what you think!


	3. The first day and the first fight

As it turned out, Merlyn had been right - the prince Arthur really _was_ the worst person in the world. The training was in a few hours, but Merlyn had seen the man in the corridor, and oh boy, was he terrible to his servant. He yelled about nothing, slapped him in the head whenever he could and snapped at him when the boy did one mistake. A one, _small_ mistake. And that was just the first hour after she had woken up, and even that she would not have seen if her chambers were anywhere else. Oh, how she wished that her chambers were anywhere else!

A servant had brought her breakfast at first light that day; an extremely shy girl, maybe sixteen or seventeen summers. She had a reddish brown hair, freckles on her pale skin and bright green eyes. She introduced herself as Margaret, but did not have the nerve to look at Merlyn's eyes. She'd been working in the castle for two years and now appointed to Merlyn. The warrior almost said that she would not be needing a maid, but then it occurred to her - would she need a maid?

"Margaret," Merlyn called her as the girl was clearing the breakfast tray away, "what kind of jobs do you do? I'm not sure if I need a maid, but if there's something I can't do then I'll let you work for me." The girl nodded slightly, fiddling with the sleeve of her dress.

"Well, you already know I'd bring you your food and clean your chambers. Also I would be taking care of your laundry and possible errands in the town you don't have time to do yourself. And…" the maid hesitated as her eyes drifted to Merlyn's left. Merlyn looked at the direction and saw her weapons near the wardrobe. "And m-my brother, Lucan, is a servant for a knight. He has taught me how to take care of weapons so they never lose their edge or break before their time." Merlyn crossed her arms across her chest as she listened the maid, eyeing her closely. Margaret seemed like a good, hardworking girl. And it was true, that as she had been given a job that took a lot of her time, she would need help.

"Alright, you can stay. But I don't need you to follow me everywhere, I'm capable of taking care of myself during the day," Merlyn explained as she grabbed her sword, looking at the maid pointedly. Margaret nodded quickly. "I also know how to dress myself and attach my weapons. And for the food.. Well, I can't always be sure that I'll be in here at the right time, so if I'm not, check again later. But for the rest, you can do freely. Oh, and take care of my horses brushing and feeding personally, will you? He's called Saewig," she instructed the maid as she attached her sword belt on her hips. Margaret nodded to Merlyn's last question quite excitedly and left to take the tray back to the kitchens.

Merlyn walked in front of the mirror when she was left alone. She had pulled her hair to an ordinary plait that hung over her shoulder with some stray strands framed her face. She was again wearing her black boots and the leather pants - which she had mended with her magic last night. Her tunic, which Gwen had already brought yesterday along with another, was Camelot red and made from nice, sturdy material, that would most likely take it's time to wear out. It was a bit longer with a tattered hem and three layers, all in slightly different shades. She wore a black corset-typed vest over it, making her curves stand out a bit more. She did not put on her leather mail, as she really didn't need it whilst training - especially when the knights would probably be way too careful.

Merlyn watched her reflection in the eye and studied the expression. There was no signs of being scared, only mildly nervous but mostly she only saw determination and confidence. Now she only had to hope, that the knights would at least to welcome her. The men were probably not used to seeing a woman who could actually fight, not just spar, so it was going to be difficult to reassure them. With a deep, calming breath she turned on her heels and walked out the door.

 

It was midday when Merlyn got to the training grounds. She had been mostly just familiarizing herself with the castle, which had taken quite a lot longer than she originally had thought, but now she knew her way to Gaius' workroom, the Great Hall, the council chambers and the throne room and would probably learn everything else by the end of the first week of her stay in Camelot.

The training grounds were enormous, like everything else seemed to be in the city. On the one side there were several practice dummies lined up, made from old potato bags and straws, and on the opposite side of them was a small building, probably the armory. The whole area was covered in grass and sand, and it was surrounded by a wooden fence. Merlyn could see some citizens and castle workers standing behind it - apparently word had gotten out of a woman taking part in training. Merlyn pursed her lips at the thought; while she was no stranger to audiences, she really did not like it. It didn't make her nervous but she could not be so sure about the knights. It was possible that they would try to show off and then make mistakes, which was not unheard off with men seeing as most of the crowd were women. Sighing, she took a place near the training ground entrance and leaned against the barrier, fiddling with the hilt of one of the daggers on her belt.

Finally, after almost half an hour of waiting later, knights began to pour to the grounds. Some of them were watching her cautiously and whispering to each other like gossiping women. Merlyn stared back with an raised eyebrow and a bored expression, biting the inside of her cheek to keep herself from saying anything. And then, almost ten minutes after the last knight had come, the prince himself strutted towards the knights and completely ignored Merlyn. The ignoring irritated her, but she bit her tongue and kept quiet as she walked to them. One of the knights, the one she had seen listening to the prince rant in the courtyard, smiled at her and motioned her forward. Merlyn was glad to obey and soon she was standing next to him.

The knight offered a hand to her to shake. "I'm Leon, the prince's second in command. It'll be fascinating to see you in action as the king talked a lot of your skills after you left," he mused with a slight smile as Merlyn shook his hand. The girl huffed a little at the comment. She didn't like to be the hottest new topic in the kingdom, it called for unwanted attention to her.

"I hope I don't disappoint, more now after hearing that," she answered and let go of his hand, turning to look at the prince. The prince had an air of arrogance practically rolling in waves off of him, which made Merlyn like the man even less. He was giving orders to the other knights before he turned to Leon. And saw Merlyn. Their eyes locked for a full ten seconds before an pompous sneer came to his face.

"And what do you think you're doing here?" He asked and crossed is arms across his wide chest. Merlyn just stared at him with an raised brow. What was she doing there? Well, probably what she had been told to do? Was the prince some kind of an idiot? _That would be possible, if he has been hit on the head a few times more than necessary,_ she thought.

Merlyn mimicked his movements and stood a bit taller, challenging him. She was still a good half a head shorter, but that didn't stop her. "I'm following the king's orders. Surely you've heard of that at some point in your life?" She asked tilting her head to the side. The prince's mouth dropped as the words left her mouth. _Hm, I wonder if anyone had ever talked back at him?_ The question was answered fairly quickly as she noticed how some of the closest knights were staring at her in shock. Merlyn knew she was an idiot for talking back to the prince, but she had never really been good with authority.

Finally after almost a minute the prince found his wits again and uncrossed his arms. "A woman has no place in the knight's training or in battle. You should find something more suitable for you, perhaps Morgana needs another maid?" He smirked at her conceitedly, probably thinking himself awfully smart after that. To Merlyn though, he only seemed overconfident and an idiot.

"How would you know? Have you ever seen a woman fight? Or more importantly, have you ever seen _me_ fight?" Merlyn asked narrowing her eyes at him. Next to her, Leon took a couple of step back as he didn't want to get in the middle of their quarrel. "You cannot say a woman has no place here or in a battle, when no woman has ever done it when you have seen. There are number of women where I come from, who'd beat you and your knights to dust if they so wanted." The prince's smile only grew and a bark of laugh left his lips. Merlyn had a feeling that she would need the prove herself at some point; Arthur seemed to be convinced that a woman could not, in any way, be skilled enough to handle the training.

She was right. "Why don't you leave the fighting for us knights? Father may be king, but I know my men. We can handle ourselves. We don't need you or your _oh so amazingly talented women_ here," he snickered and waved his hand in dismissal, turning his back to her. Merlyn did not budge though.

"Why did they almost die then?" She called after him after he had taken a few steps away. The man stopped but didn't turn. Merlyn saw how his shoulders tensed as he realized when she had not given up. Giving up was not in her vocabulary.

"What?"

Merlyn uncrossed her arms now and placed a hand on the hilt of her sword. "Your knights. Why was it, that they lay almost dead on the ground when I came, but I'm alive? Why is that, hm? If you think me as such a terrible fighter, then why don't you find out? I didn't want this either, I don't get _any_ enjoyment working for an arrogant, self-important _prat_ who can't face the fact that _a girl_ could be skilled in something usually only men do." The knights who heard her had their mouths open and eyes ready to fall from their heads when Merlyn finished her short rant. The prince whipped around and took a threatening step towards her, a finger pointed at her face.

"You can't address me like that!" He growled, making Merlyn grin cruelly. She really did enjoy bringing the man a few pegs lower. He needed to know that there were some people that would not drop to their knees when he walked in sight.

"I address bullies and idiots any way I bloody well like, _"_ she stated with a growing grin as she watched how the prince was becoming more and more furious because of her words. Luckily, she knew that he could not go to the king because of it, if he didn't want his father to know how he tried to deny her attending to training. Merlyn did not know the king well, but what she had seen, he didn't seem like a man who be pleased if his orders had not been heard.

"You know, I could take you apart with one blow, girlie," Arthur grumbled as he walked forward.

"I could take you apart with less than that." And that really wasn't a lie, given that she had magic and knew how to make someone explode from the inside out, but he did not need to know that.

"I warn you, I've been trained to kill since birth," he continued as he stopped only a feet away from. Merlyn could practically smell the arrogance now. She looked up to his pale blue eyes and smiled sweetly.

"And how long have you been training to be an ass," She asked him like someone would talk to a child, waiting for a few seconds before adding, "My Lord?" Merlyn could practically see the smoke coming from the prince's ears.

The prince narrowed his eyes at her smile and gritted his teeth so hard his jaw was twitching. "Fine. Let's see what you've got." And with that he drew his own sword out and swirled it around his hand, clearly trying to scare her. She had no idea why men always did that; the sword-swirling did not show any skills. Merlyn nodded as her grin dropped and drew her own blade, imitating the swirl. She tilted her head to the side as she looked at him, calculating her opponent. The others on the training ground formed a large half-circle around them, all of them itching to see the fight. Or, more likely, itching to see _her_ fight.

 

Merlyn and the prince circled each other for a few minutes, before the man attacked first. He was relying on his strength, so when Merlyn parried the attack, her arm was screaming at the force. But being used to it, she twisted her blade and almost managed to get the man to lose his hold of it. Merlyn swung her blade at his head, which he dodged by dropping down and quickly tried to attack from the left. Merlyn parried again, taking note on his moves and his weak spots in the process. The prince was clearly used to having a shield with him while fighting, so his left side was open often. And Merlyn on the other hand, knew how to use only a sword, so she had no openings that would be so easy to spot.

The girl knew she had to drop the prince down a few more pegs, so she feigned being in trouble as he attacked her with a series of complicated moves. Merlyn loosened her hold of the sword, so when she brought it up to parry another attack, the blade dropped from her hand. The victorious smile on the prince's face told her enough - he thought he had won. But Merlyn had other plans; she dodged his blade by sliding between his legs, ending up behind him and hooked her foot on his ankle, yanking his leg from under him. The man fell flat on his face, so Merlyn had a chance to grab her sword again. Around them the knights let out a loud gasp at the move. Arthur was quick, she had to give him that, and was able to get on his feet by the time Merlyn spun around again.

Then she actually started to fight. She went to the offensive and made the prince back away while dodging and parrying her attacks. Their fighting styles were completely different - while he used force and quick footwork, mostly just using his sword or dodging to another way, Merlyn used her whole body along with the blade and didn't let herself be pushed backwards. She was flexible, so she managed to bend backwards when a strike came at her head, spun on the ground when she needed to and kicked and punched at her adversary when their blades were stuck together in the air. The prince was definitely surprised at her skill from the beginning, and more so when she actually started to fight like she knew. Still, they were quite evenly matched - their styles were so different that it was impossible to say which of them was better.

At last, after a good ten minutes of attacking him, Merlyn grew a little bored and decided to end it. She parried the prince's attack above her head, grabbed his hand that was holding the hilt and twisted; the hold loosened and she got the sword in her left hand. Merlyn aimed a strong kick at the man's stomach before he even realized he had lost his blade and was sent stumbling back, falling flat on his back after a few unsteady steps. Then, for a final touch, Merlyn aimed both blades at his throat.

The prince was panting heavily while lying on the ground, two blades hovering an inch away from the skin. "A word of advice from someone that has been trained to kill _to survive_ ," Merlyn said while trying to calm her breath and touched his neck lightly with the blades, "never underestimate your opponent. Even if it's a girl. It'll get you killed before you can say the _word_ girl." Merlyn threw the princes sword away as she stepped back and offered a hand to him to pull him up. He was still slightly breathless from the fight and the kick, but after eyeing her hand for a moment, he apparently decided that losing to her was enough. He waved her hand away and got up without help. Merlyn just shook her head and sheathed her sword as she walked to the side, grumbling about 'idiotic, arrogant prats' under her breath the whole way.

The prince did not stop her and did not call for her for the rest of the training. Some of the other men, including Leon, congratulated her for her victory and there were a lot of questions of where she learned, what did she mean by the phrase 'kill to survive' and could she teach them to fight like she did. She answered the best she could without giving away her past life and promised to help when she got used to their way of using the sword. Sir Leon seemed to be a bit confused, when Merlyn dodged the question of her phrase - truth be told, it had been an accident. She did not want the knights to know about her past, not yet anyway.

Then the training is over after two hours and everyone left the ground and outside the fences. Merlyn waited patiently for some kind of orders or anything from the prince, but he just walked past her without even a glance. Merlyn was seething and stormed to the castle behind him. At the entrance she pushed past him, almost knocking him over with her shoulder. He yelled after her but the girl did not stop to listen. Only when she got to her chambers did she finally stop, striking her fist against the closed wooden door. The skin on her knuckles luckily didn't break, only bruised a little. She flopped on top of her bed with a heavy sigh.

What the _hell_ did the prince really have against her? It could not be just Merlyn being a girl because she clearly had skills. Maybe it was his pride, he could not be seen fighting with a girl that matched his skills because it would make him look less of a man? Well, whatever it was, it was making Merlyn lose her mind.

 

A knock on her door brought Merlyn from her thoughts. She called the visitor to enter, but did not move from her position. She was laying flat on her back with her legs dangling over the edge and arms wide on her sides, eyes trained on the canopy of deep red fabrics.

"Well, you look like you had a wonderful day," a musical, amused voice called from the door. Merlyn lifted her head to see the visitor and saw a dark haired beauty in a dark green dress with her dark-skinned maid there. Merlyn groaned at her as she let her head drop down and it apparently answered enough as the princess just laughed.

"Well, that's nice to hear. A word has already gone around the castle that the prince lost to a girl. I am having dinner with him and our father, so I'm sure he'll be ranting about it then. I did see him briefly just now, but my _dear_ brother in convinced that you were just lucky," Morgana told while walking to the dinner table and elegantly sitting to one of the chairs. Gwen stayed by the door, awkwardly looking between the two girls. Merlyn waved a hand towards to chairs, to let her know it was fine if she sat down. With a grateful smile she complied.

"Your brother really needs to get his head from his ass if he wants to be a good king someday," she grumbled as she sat up stretching, "and he can't underestimate his opponent by the gender. I've met _children_ who are more skilled than some men, so why not a woman? Do people really expect all women just… brush their hair and talk about dresses all day long?" Merlyn turned to the two, more feminine people in the room. Morgana rolled her eyes and shrugged.

"Arthur sure does," she stated, looking not-so-pleased about the fact. "But gladly you are here to show him that he's wrong. Maybe someday we'll have lady-knights." Merlyn snorted at her but didn't answer. Sure, women could be skilled enough and there really were some women that could beat the knights, but not nearly as many women as men wanted to fight. Most of them were happy to spent their days with homework and possible children. Merlyn was here because she had understood that she either learned, or was killed. She had been roughly six at the time. Her childhood was not one of the happiest ones.

"So tell me, Merlyn, where did you learn?" Morgana asked leaning slightly forward. The witch in question gave her a sideways glance, not really wanting to lie but really did not want to tell about her life just yet. While the princess seemed nice and everything, Merlyn did not trust her to keep things from her brother and father. They had known each other for a day, for goodness sake, so no one could blame her for it.

"Around," Merlyn sighed and got up from the bed. She heard how the girl made a thoughtful sound and went silent for a while. While Merlyn removed her sword belt from her hip, she hoped that the younger girl would not continue with her questions.

But, alas, she was wrong. "But why?" Merlyn turned her back to the others and closed her eyes, rubbing the bridge of her nose, slightly irritated. Princess or not, no one should have the right to just come around and ask questions when the person being asked clearly did not want to talk. Morgana did not seem to be one of those who had the status rise over their heads, but some of the privileges had clearly been affecting her too.

"Listen, Morgana. I really don't like to talk about it, alright?" She mumbled as she turned around to face her. Merlyn had her head tilted forward with a slightly pleading look on her face which luckily worked on the princess. The girl blushed a bit and nodded.

"Of course, I am sorry. We have not known each other for even a full day, and here I am intruding," she stammered a bit with her words. Her maid placed a comforting hand on her mistress' forearm, looking a bit ashamed herself. Merlyn waved her hand a bit to show it was forgotten. "But, uh, tell me _something_ about yourself? Something you are not uncomfortable talking about," she continued. Merlyn pursed her lips a bit. There weren't really anything to tell that didn't have anything to do with the bad things of her past or anything that would not get her burned at the stake.

"Well. I don't really have anything to say. But I'll tell you that I'm not looking forward to seeing your brother tomorrow again. Want to bet he still won't include me to the training?" Merlyn tried to steer the conversation away from her past and luckily Gwen, bless her heart, picked on that.

"Well, I'm sure princess Morgana here will have some tips for you," she said grinning and made the princess laugh out loud, nodding. Merlyn sent a small, but grateful smile to the maid and sat on the edge of her bed when Morgana started to tell about prince Arthur and his many failures. She told of his weakness of beautiful damsels in distress and how he loved to be a hero, so a strong woman in need of no help was probably making him feel useless, and with that, extremely irritated. She also told about how Arthur had been a kind, giving little boy but being the prince had slowly gotten to his head. He turned to an arrogant, cruel young man who really needed someone to tell him off. And, surprisingly, Morgana hinted that she hoped Merlyn to be that person. All of the knights, nobles and servants walked on eggshells around the man, and Merlyn was the first person besides the king and Morgana, who had the guts to say anything to him.

 

After an hour, Margaret came by with Merlyn's food and Morgana left with her maid-friend. Margaret had been watching the training and, shyly, told Merlyn how the people behind the fence had been happy to see a woman that talented defending the city. Merlyn was happy to hear the news and sincerely thanked the maid as she was collecting her laundry. The girl blushed at the gratitude - which seemed a bit sad, seeing as she was actually a nice girl - and left to wash Merlyn's discarded clothes. Merlyn nodded and then was left alone to eat her lunch. The plate was so full that Merlyn had trouble at tasting everything - chicken, pork, potatoes, peas, some fruit and vegetables. She could not finish it all so she left it on the table and moved to her bed, tired to the bone from all the food.

She had fallen asleep without noticing, and was woken up an hour later by Margaret, who came to get the tray back. The sun was hanging lower now, marking the afternoon. Merlyn dismissed the girl telling her she wanted to go for a walk alone. She pulled her hair out of the messy plait and pinned it messily on a big bun on the back of her head, enjoying the feeling of some freedom for her hair - the plait was slightly uncomfortable. The warrior changed on her brown leather pants, brown boots and the other tunic Gwen had brought that morning. It was as green as the most beautifully colored tree in the forest with sleeves that reached her wrists, a modest but generous neckline and a hem that stopped just over her backside. Merlyn fastened her corset over it again, making the swell of her bosom come a bit more prominent and stick out of the neckline. Merlyn frowned at the sight; she was proud to be a woman, but really did not get the idea of showing it around. But, after a moment of staring at her reflection, she shrugged and made her way out of her room while the same time trying to put her sword belt on.

Merlyn almost crashed into someone as she was looking down while walking. Startled, her eyes snapped up and came into contact of a grey pair. Sir Leon smiled at her, holding his hands up. "Easy there, I wouldn't want to make you fall and get you hurt," he mused. Merlyn snorted and looked back down, finally getting her belt on.

"Yeah, I'd like to see you try," she said smiling a little as she looked back up. The man was almost a head taller than her, so looking at his eyes was a bit difficult from so close. Leon grinned at her, nodded and walked around her to continue on his way. He had been coming from the prince's chambers. Merlyn gave a quick look towards the chambers and saw a flash of golden hair and blue tunic disappear inside. Rolling her eyes, Merlyn continued her journey to the town.

Even though Merlyn had almost no money, she enjoyed walking among the people and seeing all the things there were to be bought. Most of the items were just trinkets, like poor quality jewelry and handmade decoration, but there were beautiful clothes, some daggers here and there, and food. The smells that floated around were intoxicating. When Merlyn saw a woman selling delicious looking pastries, she really hoped she had more money to buy one. Mouth watering, she had to leave the Lower Town so she would not try to steal one or something. In the past, she had done that too so Merlyn really did not want to fall in old habits.

While Merlyn was walking away from the market, she did not see the pale blue eyes that watched her between two buildings next to the stall with the pastries.

 

**A**

 

Arthur was positively livid. Absolutely, undoubtedly _livid!_ His father had been telling a long story of a mystery savior, that had come for Morgana and him in their time of need and apparently almost singlehandedly defeated the thugs. And then, for Arthur's shock, he had called _her_ forward. A girl!

The girl was absolutely gorgeous in his eyes, he had to admit that. In a different situation, he could have been completely besotted with her. Her beautiful deep, blue eyes were staring intently forward so Arthur had a chance to openly gawk at her - as did the other men in the room too. Her skin was extremely pale and in contrast her hair was a deep, raven black color that reached her lower back. Her face was almost unearthly with the high cheekbones, strong but feminine jaw line and full, pink lips that were currently pressed in a firm line. A faded pink scar was running from the right side of her plump upper lip upwards, nearly reaching her nose. Her body, while definitely woman's body with all the right curves and the softness of the aforementioned gender, it was strong and muscular. He could see a white scar running across her chest just on the root of her neck, ending probably somewhere under her tunic, and could clearly see the muscles on her thighs and arms. They were not overly big, certainly not, she was still small and frail looking.

But still, she _did_ look like a soldier.

The girl's clothes were the one thing that made Arthur frown a bit. She had tight black leather trousers that hugged her skin perfectly, a purple tunic with a leather vest over it. The vest looked sturdy, so maybe it had the same purpose as a chainmail? It certainly had a lot of cuts on it but did not look any weaker. The clothes were not from any kingdom Arthur knew, and were not bandit clothes either. Where did she come from?

Arthur had been lost in thought for a while but was ripped from his staring when he heard his father's words. The words that made the prince's pride hurt a bit, for a reason he did not want to know.

_You will be made an advisor of sorts to my son, prince Arthur._

"Father!" The protest left his lips quicker than he thought, but the king just continued talking after raising a hand to his son to silence him. The more Arthur heard, the more livid he became. Utterly, positively livid. The looks he got from the knights did not help the fact that _a girl_ would be training with them. And when Uther had made his decision, there would be no convincing him out of it. The only choice would be to smoke the girl out.

Finally, the girl - Merlyn or whatever -turned around and locked her eyes with Arthur's for a moment. He scowled at her, trying to burn her with his eyes alone. While he was doing that, a small part of brain tried to convince him that it would not be so bad, she could really be as skilled as his father said and, hey, she was pretty! Arthur pushed that thought away as soon as it appeared, and then she left with Gwen to her new chambers and the nobles left after them, leaving behind only the knights, the king and _the very livid_ Arthur behind.

 

Uther took a deep breath before turning to his son, expecting the young man to start shouting. "Before you say anything, you need to understand that this decision was not made lightly. The girl is skilled, I'm willing to bet everything that she could be matched to even you," the king said, making Arthur gape for the second time that day. "You must give her a chance," he continued and then talked for an _hour_ about the girl's skills and compared them to Arthur's. About how fast and flexible she was, how she used a sword on her other hand and a dagger in the other like she was born with the blades in her hands, never leaving a spot open for attack and seemingly hearing an oncoming attack when it came from the behind. Finally, Arthur could not hear it anymore.

"WHAT?! A small, pretty _little_ girl could match me? The prince of Camelot?" He shouted, knowing very well how bigheaded he sounded, but not really caring. Arthur gritted his teeth when the king gave him a withering look for his outburst. "Fine. But when she turns out to be worse than you want to make me believe, I'll let you be the one to let her know," the man grumbled and stormed out of the chambers, making his way outside with Leon on his heels. They got to the castle doors, when he finally could not hold himself anymore. "What the hell is he thinking?! A girl, for heaven's sake, a girl cannot fight!" He hissed and waved his arms irritated as they stepped on the front steps of the castle.

"Maybe she really is that good?" Leon suggested quietly, but was turned down with a wave from the prince. He could not believe that. Maybe the king had gotten a hit on the head? Or maybe it was a spell? Yes, those had to be the only options. No _girl_ could be a match to him, prince Arthur of Camelot! He was being called the best warrior in The Five Kingdoms, a random girl could not be a match for him!

"Father must have been hit on the head one too many times if he believes that that girl could wield a sword as well as a knight. Or as well as me!" The prince continued as they stopped to the side so no one could overhear them talking. Or, well, him talking and Leon listening. "She cannot be let to join the training. If I manage to smoke her out, she might quit herself, right? But how?" He mused out loud mostly to himself. From the corner of his eye, Arthur noticed how Leon looked up for a second and then back down again, trying to cover a laugh. Frowning he too looked up, but saw nothing and then back at the knight. The man just looked at him innocently. Grumbling to himself Arthur left the knight to himself and stormed towards his chambers.

 

While he was walking through the familiar corridor, he heard footsteps and talking from one of the rooms, recognizing the voice of his sister's maid. It took him a while to figure out why she would be there, when he realized that those were Merlyn's new chambers. They were only two doors from the prince's own! What was his father thinking, truly! Cursing under his breath, he made his way to his chambers and slammed the door closed, startling his servant who was scrubbing the floor.

"Get out," he growled as he walked past him. The boy scrambled up and carried the bucket of water out with him, muttering apologies and bowing as he went, but Arthur was not listening. He leaned against the windowsill of the window that overlooked the courtyard. Trying to calm himself, he fixed his eyes on the people that were scurrying around with their errands and carrying things from one place to another.

But even when he tried his best, he could not erase the image of the girl's eyes from his mind. They had looked at each other's eyes before she had followed Gwen. Her eyes truly had been captivating with their dark blue color that seemed to glow in the sunlight. They had looked older than the girl was, containing lifetimes of wisdom and experience and filled with pain, sadness, anger, joy and happiness, all at the same time. They were a perfect fit on her face, almond shaped and clear, vigilantly watching her surroundings and him.

Shaking his head, Arthur forcefully ripped his mind away from the girl and moved away from the window when a knock came from the door. Without waiting, the visitor let herself in. Morgana strolled in like she owned the place, like she always did. "So, dear brother, what do you think of your new knight?" She asked, smirking wickedly as she sat in one of the chairs and poured herself a goblet of water. Arthur slumped to another chair across the table and sighed, rubbing the heels of his palms to his weary eyes.

"She is no knight," Arthur mumbled. Morgana only snickered and placed the goblet on the table after taking a long sip. She smoothed her blue dress as she waited for her brother to look at her. When he did, Morgana smiled sweetly at her but her eyes were filled with mirth.

"She is beautiful, is she not?" She asked nonchalantly. Arthur gaped at her, not finding words to actually deny it but shook his head, spluttering something about not looking at her like that. "Oh, come on Arthur. If every other man was staring at her when we rode back, why would you be any different? And don't even dare to answer that you being a prince makes you special in the matter of women. Being a prince does not make you any less of a man," Morgana pointed a finger at his face. Arthur pouted a little, looking a bit like a little boy.

"I was not going to say that..." he mumbled unconvincingly, not really believing it himself either. The prince shook his head to remove the image of Merlyn again, and straightened on his chair. "But she is not a knight, not in any way. Father may want her to join the training, but she will give up soon enough when she sees she has no chance of keeping up," Arthur stated confidently, only receiving a blank look from his sister. Did everyone think so little of his talents? Morgana shook her head once more before standing and heading to the door.

"Well, we'll see. I look forward to hearing how you got knocked on your backside," he heard a cheery comment before the door closed behind the princess.

"You won't be hearing anything like that!" He shouted after her, just barely hearing her melodic laughter from outside the door. Once again grumbling, he pulled his cape off and began to loosen his armor, not having the patience to wait around for his servant who he had sent away. While he was working on the straps, his minds strayed back to the girl. Sure, there was a small chance that Merlyn could be skilled enough to join them and keep up, but he did not want her to. She was still a woman and it would be distracting to his knights if she'd be on a battlefield. So, Arthur made a promise to himself; he would get her to quit the first day. Even if it meant that he had to act as arrogant as he could - that usually seemed to irritate people enough when they did not know he was not always like that - and then, if that did not help, he had to show her what it would mean to train with the men. It meant bruises, muscle ache and possibly bleeding if you were unlucky. But he would achieve his goal. Merlyn would be out the next day.

 

 

As it turned out, Arthur did _not_ achieve his goal.

 

The first thing that morning he made sure to make himself seem as arrogant and cruel as possible. While Morgana and her maid seemed to be the only ones that believed him to always be like that, it was not true. Yes, about a year ago he had been, but upon realizing he would be the crown prince of Camelot soon and a king after that, he had started to take note on how he was acting and slowly started to work on his flaws. It was extremely slow, but some things had been improving; he remembered to thank the servants when they did something he asked, smiled at the citizens when he rode through the town and whatnot.

But, he still had his bad ways. He was still rude towards his personal servant most of the day, or actually towards all of them - except Gwen, not after Morgana had threatened to cut off his tongue - and still thought he had a privilege to act anyway he wanted to. Morgana had once said that it would take a seriously stubborn, strong minded person to get him to change. And a much stronger woman to put up with him, if he ever wanted a queen. At the age of twenty, almost of-age, he did not even want a wife yet. He had been fooling around with some pretty servants and some odd noble, but never found anyone who would make him feel like he wanted something more or anyone that made him want to change. He knew he could be a nice person, but his pride and the status of a prince were too close to heart, so he really had no way of stopping.  No one other that the king and Morgana dared to stand up against him, ever.

Until now, it seemed.

 

When Arthur had first seen Merlyn, the things that stood out were her beauty and her weapons. But after she opened her mouth at the training grounds, Arthur was captivated by her voice; it was melodic and delicate, but had a sharp, strong undertone to it that reminded him of Queen Annis of Caerleon who had been visiting Camelot only a month before. Both of their voices carried a certain amount of power that they had in just their words, and also you could hear their inner strength. But, the spell of her voice faded quickly when he registered her words.

_I'm following the king's orders. Surely you've heard of that at some point in your life?_

_A woman has no place in the knight's training or in battle. You should find something more suitable for you, perhaps Morgana needs another maid?_

They had gone through an all-out verbal war, that Arthur had so utterly lost. He had wanted to discourage her with his words, but it seemed that Merlyn got some joy from the bantering and took nothing to the heart. So, Arthur had to challenge her and to his surprise, Merlyn took the challenge gladly, like she had been waiting for it. They circled each other for a while, before Arthur attacked. Merlyn was quick and seemed quite strong too, as she almost managed to twist the sword from his hand.

Whilst the fight was going on, Arthur saw how her eyes were studying him all the while and never lost the sharp look in them. It was like a falcon studying its prey, it was quite freaky if Arthur was honest with himself. And then, he got his opening - Merlyn tried to parry his attack, but her sword dropped to the ground. Her face was filled with shock while Arthur was grinning. He heard the knight cheer at their leader. Arthur took a step forward, ready to point the tip of his blade at her chest, when she suddenly disappeared from the view. Arthur had no time to even register that she had slid between his legs behind him, before she hooked her foot on his ankle and he fell.

Hard.

On his face.

He got up fairly quickly and turned to the girl, who looked different now - gone was the confused young girl from before, instead he was face to face with a warrior. Her eyes looked like dark seawater as the sun shone to them, but she did not squint. Her eyes were locked with his, and there was no sign of acting, no signs of a smile or a joke - she was serious now. Then she was coming at him. Her teeth were slightly bared and teeth were gritted as she went offensive, making Arthur defend himself from the fast attacks that almost seemed to blur. And then Merlyn did something Arthur was not used to - she used her other hand and boots. Arthur too had used his fists and legs in a fight, yes, but never combining them like she did. It seemed so effortless, as Merlyn spun, kicked, hit and flipped between attacks. Arthur was in a complete loss; Merlyn had no openings and she was slashing her sword relentlessly, not giving the prince a chance to retaliate. Then she blocked his attack and stopped their swords above their heads and somehow - Arthur really had no idea - got his sword for herself and landed a hard kick on his stomach, making him fall flat on his back with a pained _'ooof!'._

A second later, there she was above him with both blades against his throat and looking like a goddess. Some of her hair had gotten loose from her plait, her eyes were blazing from the excitement of battle and a small, almost bitter smile on her lips. Her plump chest was heaving hard, as she tried to catch her breath but her hands never strayed from their place.

"A word of advice from someone that has been trained to kill _to survive_ ," Merlyn said, her voice filled with triumph and an odd, pained undertone, "never underestimate your opponent. Even if it's a girl. It'll get you killed before you can say the _word_ girl." And pulled the blades away. Arthur's mind stuck to the phrase _'kill to survive'._ What the _hell_ had she been doing before she got to Camelot? Arthur seriously hoped that she meant hunting for animals and nothing more. She seemed so innocent despite being a fierce fighter and experienced swordsman, but Arthur could not get his head around the fact that she would kill anyone, as insane as it sounded.

Then suddenly a hand was reaching for him. He saw Merlyn attempt to help him up. He was tempted to grab it, to bury the war-axe between them, but  - again - his pride got in the way. He waved her hand away and got up on his own, turning his back to her without even congratulating her like he usually did with his knights. He heard her grumble something, but did not want to give her anymore attention to find out what. And as it turned out, the knights gave her that more than enough. They were going to her to congratulate her one after another and asking hundreds of questions. Arthur noticed how she did not answer any questions that had something to do with her past and her gaze never left the prince, not even when he looked back. She only raised an expectant brow but never got any response from him. He was stubborn like that, apparently.

While he continued to train the men, he could feel the piercing eyes of Merlyn burning holes on his back and it was uncomfortable. He did not want to let go of his decision to ignore her, even when the thought of calling her to join crossed his mind like a hundred times during the two-hour training. The knights noticed how he was ignoring the girl and gave him disapproving looks - most of them were from Leon - but none spoke up. They probably figured to let the prince wallow in his hurt pride for this time. Arthur was still angry for losing to a girl. It had been different with Morgana when they had been only entering their teenage years and the princess had regularly beaten him. That had stopped when Arthur had grown and gained strength repidly in just few short years. After that, no one had really bested him in anything, but then that bloody _gorgeous_ girl had come from nowhere and humiliated him in front of his knights and the citizens watching behind the fence. It was inexcusable really.

After the training had come to an end, Arthur strolled past the girl with his head held high, not giving her even a fleeting look and headed towards the castle. He could practically hear her anger as she pushed past him making him stumble. It made Arthur a little gleeful to see her so worked up and he was not even sorry. He did yell after her, but never got an answer. It was not the most gentlemanly thing to feel about a girl, but she was the one who wanted to join the knights' training, so she should be able to handle it. So, with a smug smile on his face, he walked to his chambers with a spring in his step. He even smiled at the passing servants as they curtsied or bowed in the corridors, earning confused looks for it.

 

Arthur almost ran into Morgana near the corridor that had his and Merlyn's chambers. The princess was wearing her favorite green dress with her hair pinned up and a dreaming look on her face. When she bumped to his brother, her lips spread to a wide smirk and Arthur knew immetiadly that his good mood would fade with what she would say. She had that look on her face, it was always the look before she would make his day worse. Like the times when she would steal his favorite toy when they were small.

"So, Arthur," she dragged the last syllable of his name with an irritably sweet voice that made the prince scowl, "I heard you got beaten by a girl today. As I predicted would happen, for that matter." Yep, his good mood was gone just like that. He crossed his arms across his chest and grumbled something even he did not understand, making the girl laugh loudly.

Arthur huffed, "she was lucky." And strode past his sister who just stood there laughing with her eyes tearing up. The prince did not look back as he stormed through his door and slammed it close behind if, effectively scaring his servant. Again. It was becoming a habit apparently. The servant in question - Gregor? Georg? Whatever, he never learned their names - jumped at the sound of the door slamming shut. He had been collecting Arthur's laundry and now stood there with his dirty tunic in hand, looking extremely scared.

"Get me out of this armor," Arthur ordered firmly as he stopped next to the dressing screen. The boy dropped the tunic in the laundry basket before scurrying to his master and with slightly shaky hands began to open the straps. While he was scared of the prince's mood, he was effective as usual and had him out of the armor in the matter of minutes. Arthur washed his face and hair quickly in the wash basin before walking to his desk to look over some reports from patrols. They were filled with the same stories as always; some odd bandits here and there, the villages were doing as well as usual and no monsters anywhere to be found. It took him only almost an hour to go through all of them, after it he took his usual place by the window near his bed and watched the people go about their days.

Leon stopped by after a few minutes of staring out to inform him, that his father would be occupied with council, so their dinner would be cancelled. Arthur just nodded and dismissed his First Knight, eyes never leaving the window. But then he heard voices from the corridor and went to see what was going on. He got to the open door and peeked out. Leon was standing there, blocking the view of the person before him but Arthur could already recognize her voice. Gritting his teeth he fled out of sight and went back to the window, almost forcefully trying not to think about her. He had a fleeting thought of banging his against the window.

He almost managed to keep Merlyn out of his mind, but then he saw her walk across the courtyard alone. She was now wearing a dark green tunic and brown leather pants and boots. Even her hair was differently, not in a plait he had seen before, but in a huge, messy bun. Arthur's mind immediately flew to the training earlier and he pursed his lips in irritation. He grabbed the windowsill tightly as he followed her movements as she walked towards the market in the Lower Town. After a few minutes of just watching, he ordered his servant to help him change from his dirty clothing into a new one - a red casual tunic, a brown jacket and dark trousers - and was quickly out of the door, walking towards the Lower Town. He had no idea why he was trying to follow Merlyn, but something was nagging at his brain about her. He needed to know if she had bad intentions. There really could not be any other reason for him to obsess about that girl, pretty or not.

 

Arthur made his way through the crowd, nodding to everyone that saw and greeted him. He had lost sight of the girl after he had left the window, but figured that she'd be somewhere a little further away. And so she was, as he after almost an hour saw her slowly strolling from stall to stall, inspecting the goods but never buying anything. Arthur figured she would not have any money yet as she has just only gotten the job. The salary would be good, so she could later buy almost anything she wanted.

Hiding in an alleyway between two buildings, Arthur saw how Merlyn stared at one of the stalls. The prince knew why, as he also had been drooling over the pastries and immetiadly bought a few three days ago. The girl though, did not advance the stall. She only bit her lip longingly and quickly walked away with a faraway look on her face. Maybe the pastries brought back old memories? Arthur watched her go, frozen in his place. She did not go to the castle though, but made her way to the training grounds. It was understandable, when she had not been allowed to train with the men because of Arthur. The prince now felt a little guilty about his behavior, so he followed her again. And, on top of everything, he felt extremely _creepy_ about the following.

  _I really need to stop doing this,_ Arthur thought while frowning at himself, but never stopped walking.

The sun is slowly setting when Arthur reached the grounds, shining low just above the tree line. It was not dark yet, so he could see Merlyn draw her sword from the scabbard and go to one of the training dummies situated on the edge of the training grounds. They were most commonly used by beginners who had no idea how to use a sword, but Arthur himself was guilty of using them sometimes to vent his anger. They were not in the best shape these days and should be replaced soon, as the new group of would-be-knights would be arriving in a month or so.

Pale blue eyes landed on the small figure now swirling her sword in her hand, measuring the dummy and taking her time. Then, with moves that seemed to blur again, she attacked it. Her movements were as impressive as when she had fought Arthur, but did not show the full capacity because her opponent was not moving at all. Merlyn seemed to get frustrated after a few minutes and her attacks became more frantic, filled with suppressed anger and frustration. Even when Arthur was standing pretty far away, he could hear her hissing and cursing about princes and idiots and _'bloody supercilious, pompous clotpoles'_. It made Arthur snort silently; she really had her way with words, mostly with curses as they grew more weird by the second. And then, as suddenly as the attack begun, it stopped. Merlyn stood still for a while, before she turned her head slightly to the left and Arthur saw the profile of her nose and lips against the orange glow of the sun.

"If you're going to stare at me, you might as well do it closer," Merlyn announced making the prince actually gulp. How had she known he was here? He debated on staying still and hiding, but then swallowed his pride for once and stepped towards to make himself seen. Merlyn turned now around completely, sword hanging from her hand loosely and some loose hair sticking to her face because of the thin layer of sweat. Her face was emotionless as usual, but her eyes were dancing with laughter.

Arthur stopped a few feet away from her. "What are you doing here?" He asked as he crossed his arms. Arthur was not even going to ask how she knew he was watching her, as he probably would hear some snarky comment about stealth. Merlyn just shrugged and swung her sword along the grass, eyes lowered.

"Well, I did not actually get a chance to train today, and I'm used to going something every day. So, this seemed like the best option," the girl pointed at the slaughtered dummy with the tip of her blade, "unless you preferred me taking out my energy in other ways, _sire?_ " The title sounded like a mock coming from her mouth, but Arthur didn't have the energy to say anything about it. He did not notice the obvious hint in Merlyn's words, just moved his eyes to the dummies or see the raised brow.

He shrugged. "I don't see what else you could be doing, so you might as well. Thought, your skills seem to be a little wasted on an opponent that is not moving," the prince mused as he studied the dummy. It truly was slaughtered; straws were falling out and it was bended weirdly. The man tilted his head a little before hearing a snort from Merlyn.

"Oh, wow, so now you're giving me a compliment? Did _His Highness_ have trouble saying something nice to a girl that had just beaten him in front if his knights, hm?" He heard the bitter question as the girl turned her back at him, twirling the sword again. Arthur sighed silently. He had known that his actions would bite him in the ass sooner rather than later. He did not enjoy acting like that towards anyone, it just came naturally these days. Some days he wished he could be just like anyone else with no expectations of someday running a kingdom, marrying a princess and everything else that came with his status. While he knew he'd eventually hate being just a knight, or a commoner, it would be a more free life.

He drew his sword out and got Merlyn's attention again. The prince motioned her to attack him instead of the dummy. She eyed him warily for a moment, but complied. Arthur lost track of time of how long they spent there that evening, but it was actually quite fruitful. He saw a lot more from the girl and also saw that she was not actually better than him, she just fought so differently and switched her styles in the blink of an eye, that it was hard to keep track. They were evenly matched with hugely different ways to fight. He did, eventually, beat her a few times and it made him feel a bit better. And it seemed that Merlyn too liked the sparring, even though she did not smile or say anything but Arthur swore he saw a few small, quick quirks of her lips when she had him on the ground with a sword pointing at his neck. Then later, almost two hours after sunset, they finally stopped. They're both exhausted and laying on the grass breathing heavily and looking at the stars.

Arthur got his breath on control and turned his head towards the girl. "So, tell me, why are you here?" He asked lifting his brows. Merlyn kept her eyes on the sky and the prince saw how she was biting her lip tightly. Arthur felt a bit guilty, as he remembered how she had been avoiding those kind of questions all day.

"I have no idea," she finally murmured. "I did not plan any of this, the past or the present. These things just kind of happen to me." Arthur frowned at her answers. Merlyn clearly had a hard time coming to terms with whatever had happened in her past. Arthur still did not know if he liked the girl or just tolerated her, but he never liked seeing anyone so troubled.

"What do you mean?" He asked quietly and sat up, eyes never leaving the girl but she did not look back at him. Merlyn had a faraway look in her eyes, and Arthur swore he could see unshed tears in them, but they were gone fairly quickly. She was silent for a long time.

The she spoke with smile that did not reach her eyes, "so does this mean I get to actually join tomorrow's training?" The question made Arthur laugh as he pulled himself from the ground. The prince did notice how she avoided the question, but decided not to press. Maybe she would open up later, if she decided to stay in Camelot. He offered a hand to her like she had earlier that day done to him, but the difference was that she actually grabbed it. Arthur pulled her up with ease before brushing the grass of his clothes.

"Yeah, I guess this does," he hummed and sheathed his sword. He clapped a hand against her back before walking ahead to the castle. Arthur did not look back as he walked away, but hoped that she would smile - he did too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A question; do you prefer shorter chapters (maybe 5000 or so words) more often, or longer ones but they'd take a while to post? Let me know!
> 
> And a sidenote; there will be more with Arthur's POV, but as you'll eventually see, most of this will be written in Merlyn's point of view. It's difficult for me to skip around in other characters' minds, so it's much more simple to stay with the bitter, sarcastic one. I'm much better with her, than with the arrogant prince :D


	4. The idiotic prince and his mindless buffoons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, like this chapter (The Dragon's Call in canon), I will have some of the original episodes written here. I won't be using the episodes Lancelot, The mark of Nimueh and A Remedy to Cure All Ills for example, but some other's will be here, fully or partly anyway.

"Let this serve as a lesson to all. This man, Thomas James Collins, is adjudged guilty of using enchantments and magic. And, pursuant to the laws of Camelot, I, Uther Pendragon, have decreed that such practices are banned on penalty of death. I pride myself as a fair and just king, but for the crime of sorcery, there is but one sentence I can pass."

A young man in his mid-twenties, dressed only in a pair of dirty trousers, was dragged to the executioner's block at midday at the end of Merlyn's first week in Camelot. It was really not a welcoming sight for someone who had magic, but she knew she could not do anything for the man. While he did not know what Thomas Collins had done, it must have been something extravagant to get him arrested. Merlyn hoped with every cell in her body that the reason was not healing or something else harmless.

Merlyn could not remove her eyes from the sight that was straight outside her chamber window. In her mind, the way she did not move her eyes from him, she was paying her respect to the fallen. To show him that someone cared, even if he did not see it. With a quick decision, she projected herself in the man's mind.

_"I'm so sorry, Thomas. I wish I could help. I'll make it painless for you, I promise."_

The man's head snapped up when he heard Merlyn's voice. His eyes roamed the crowd, until they landed on Merlyn in the window of the second floor. She was not sure if he saw her face or if he heard the sympathy and sadness in her projected voice, but he still smiled. The executioner pushed his head back down and brought the heavy axe up. Merlyn's eyes flashed bright gold, and just a second before the axe came down, Thomas Collins' body went slack. He died painlessly, mercifully by Merlyn's magic, not by the axe's dull edge. She let out a shaky breath and closed her eyes for a moment.

Uther continued with his speech after the crowd fell silent again, "When my father came to this land, this kingdom was mired in chaos, but when I became the king, and with the people's help, magic was driven from the realm. So I declare a festival to celebrate twenty years since the Great Dragon was captured and Camelot freed from the evil of sorcery. Let the celebrations begin!"

That was the first time Merlyn heard of the dragon. The idea of a real, living dragon somewhere near the castle was exciting, and worrying all the same. She hoped that there were some orders from a Dragonlord so the creature would not escape or attack the citadel. Merlyn had learned about the Dragonlords' nobility and power in a very young age, when she had been learning about magic. No one believed any of them had survived The Purge, but then again; no one had known that there were any dragons left either.

Deep blue eyes latched soon after Uther's final words on an old deformed woman who let out a piercing wail as she ran towards the body of Thomas Collins. Merlyn felt her magic rush to the surface, prepared to protect the people it the woman did something bad. But her words were only directed to the king, which in itself was not surprising as the dead man was apparently was her son.

 _".._. _before these celebrations are over, you will share my tears. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a son for a son!"_

The king ordered for her arrest, but the lady pulled out an amulet and smashed it to the cobblestones, disappearing in a whirlwind. Merlyn had no chance to talk to the woman in her mind, everything happened too quickly. She punched her fist lightly against the windowsill. The guards and knights were spinning around on the spot the woman had vanished, acting like the fools they always seemed to be. When it came to magic, they really had no idea what to do or how to do it. It was sad, really.

A knock at the door brought Merlyn from her thoughts and she bid the visitor in. It was Gwen, bringing the last of her new clothes to her. The newly recruited soldier nodded at the maid in gratitude and took the two tunics and a black, fur-lined cloak from her. She had already brought her six tunics all in different colors that were meant for basic day's outfits. She also had her new vests - three normal ones that could be worn to replace corsets and bodices, and four leather mails -, two pairs of new leather trousers and two thinner leggings', and lots and lots of other clothes. Merlyn really had no idea, how she would even manage to wear all of them, but at least she had choices. She really needed to thank Morgana properly.

 The two new tunics she got were a bit finer, probably meant for feasts and other celebrations. The cloak on the other hand was wonderful. The top, black layer was the deepest black Merlyn had ever seen and it would help her blend in the shadows perfectly if the situation needed it. The fur on the inside was dark grey and felt extremely soft and warm. It had a patch of red near the hem with the Pendragon sigil, to mark her as a Camelot's… well, knight in all but name, again.

"My Lady wanted me to ask you if you were going to attend the feast tomorrow night?" Asked Guinevere suddenly, as she had a hand on the door handle and eyes downcast. Her kind brown eyes were eyeing her a bit timidly under her lashes. The maid had begun to act a bit weird around Merlyn, when she had started the training. Gwen had been there to watch on the second day, when Merlyn got to actually join the training, as the prince had promised. She had no idea if Gwen was scared of her, or if the reason was something else. And, while Merlyn occasionally liked when people were a bit afraid of her, it got boring really soon. Especially when the maid was around Merlyn a lot because of Morgana.

Merlyn nodded again, "yes, the knights asked me to join them. If I understood correctly, I'll be escorted by Sir Leon. I certainly hope he does not expect me to wear a dress to this thing." The dry tone of Merlyn's statement prompted a stifled giggle from the chambermaid.

"I'll be sure to let the princess know. Good day to you, Merlyn," she wished as she stepped out of the room. It had taken Merlyn almost the entire week to get Gwen call her by her name, not 'my Lady' or 'miss'. The titles made her feel funny and way too special. Merlyn did not see herself any more special than the maids, even if she was working as a 'knight'.

Sighing, Merlyn gathered the new clothes from the bed and placed them on the correct shelves in the wardrobe, and hung the cloak next to her old one. She eyed the fabrics critically. Merlyn had no training for that day as the execution had taken the normal hour, and there were a lot of guests milling around so the knights needed to be on the lookout for possible danger. Merlyn had been freed from duty for that night, god knows what had been Leon's reason, but she had not complained. She had received her first salary for her duties and bought some things herself too, not only waiting for Morgana to get her some new clothes. Merlyn herself had mostly just fresh scabbards for her sword and daggers, and new gloves.

 

In the first week she had already attended to training every day once, except on Thursday's when they trained twice for some reason. Merlyn had also been on patrol with Arthur, Sir Leon, Sir Pellinore and two other knights whose names she did not remember. While the prince had agreed that she would be an asset to them and had let her train, he did not talk to her at all aside from the odd barked order. He rarely even looked at her. Sometimes Merlyn swore she saw him staring from the corner of her eye, but when she looked, he had already turned his back to her. The aloof behavior had irritated her beyond believe, but luckily Sir Leon had been there to keep her company.

Sir Leon had been a bit wary of her in the beginning, but quickly became extremely friendly. He showed Merlyn all the places she needed to know if she was patrolling at night or did not want to get lost in the castle. He introduced her to the other knights - Merlyn only remembered Pellinore and Owain, and she also knew Harold and Jackson who she had brought to the city with her - and to the servants. Merlyn heard that Sir Leon was the nicest of the knights _and_ the nobles, because he treated everyone equally. The same could _not_ be said about the prince.

If the first day she'd thought his behavior had been terrible, the following six days were ten times worse. Merlyn did not even always need to be near him then or even the same side of the castle to hear how the man bellowed to his poor servant who never really did anything wrong, the prince just needed to vent his anger at someone. The servant in question was George, the efficient young boy of maybe seventeen, who had taken Saewig when Merlyn had arrived to the castle on her first day. George always nodded respectfully to her in the corridors even when the other servants did not, and when they happened to be at the stables at the same time, he actually talked to her. Most of the servants were intimidated of Merlyn, but clearly serving the prince made him unafraid of everything and everyone else. And then there was Margaret, Merlyn's own maid.

She was still sort of scared of her mistress, but was already speaking more freely when they were alone and even looked at Merlyn in the eyes. She really was very competent, and knew what she was doing - Merlyn's chambers were never dirty, her clothes were in the closet when she needed them and food was always on time. Merlyn had met the girl's brother too. Lucan looked just like her sister with darker green eyes and a bit stronger frame, but otherwise was completely different; he was loud, joked freely with the knights and even sometimes insulted his master, Sir Pellinore. The knight never did anything but laughed and slapped his servant lightly on the head. Merlyn had noticed how jealous Arthur looked when he saw the two joking, but she could not understand why.

Merlyn pulled a fresh tunic from the closet. It was one of the more normal ones; dark blue colored with a high collar and the hem reached her hip, but it had no sleeves, so Merlyn tied a same shade corset over it and threw a black leather jacket on to keep herself warm. She was already wearing the thinner black leggings' and new boots that reached a bit over her knees. Her hair was still a bit wet from her morning bath, so she gathered it in a messy bun to the back of her head. Then she just quickly hung her belt on, sheathed her sword and marched out her door.

The castle courtyard was buzzing with excitement. The servants were literally running from place to place, and even had some of the knights and guards helping them. Merlyn saw Margaret's brother Lucan actually yell orders to one knight, and the man looked thoroughly scolded and embarrassed. The sight made Merlyn chuckle a bit as she made her way to the stables to check on Saewig. The horse had been moved to the royal stables instead of the knights' - king's order of course. Merlyn still had not managed to wrap her head around the fact that the king actually _liked her._ Sure, he seemed a bit skeptic of her being in the position that she was, even when he was the one to appoint it to her, but over the week the only thing Merlyn saw in his face was smug satisfaction over his decision.

"Hey, there my boy. Haven't seen you in a while," Merlyn hummed as she stopped in front of her stallion. Saewig huffed and pushed his nose against the girl's chest. She snorted and placed a hand between the horses eyes on top of the white mark. "Yeah, yeah, I missed you too. I have not been on patrol for a few days and been a bit busy with the prat. You understand, right?" Saewig shook his head suddenly, prompting a laugh from his owner. It had always seemed like Saewig understood what Merlyn said to him, even though it was impossible.

"Well, I'm sorry. I promise to come back sooner," the witch smiled and pressed a quick kiss on his nose. The horse answered by trying to nibble her face but Merlyn got away quicker, still chuckling as she walked out and back to the castle. A few stable boys scurried behind the corner back to the horses and it made Merlyn sigh heavily. She was so tired of everyone being so scared of her. Merlyn did not know how to chance how she acted for she had been like this for years. It was just how she was. Still, compared to the prince, she was like a sweet little girl throwing flowers around. But the prince was royalty, Merlyn was just a damaged young woman trying to survive. She had no need to be nicer or better, but the prince really did.

Merlyn didn't even want to finish the thought as her mind started reeling to her memories from eight months ago, and just forced some things she had learned in training in the front of her mind. But she had no time to think of them properly, as she was just walking past the training grounds and saw Arthur with some of the knights. One of them was Leon, who stood a bit further away from the others. Merlyn also recognized George and immediately knew that the prince was up to no good as they didn't even have any training that day. She sped up and ended up jogging the rest of the way. Leon was the only one to notice her, as the other knights were laughing at something the prince said.

"What is he doing this time?" Merlyn murmured to the man as she stopped next to him and tried to tiptoe to see what was going on. Leon sighed slowly and grabbed her by the elbow, pulling her a bit to the left so she saw better.

George was crouching behind a large target that had a dagger sticking out of it and clearly scared. Merlyn felt a huge wave of protectiveness rushing to her mind - she really did have a soft spot for helpless, nice people. And George really had done nothing wrong, as Leon explained quietly, apparently just placed the target in the wrong place. Or so the prince insisted, and then wanted the servant to run around carrying the target as 'a moving target practice'. Merlyn felt her left eye twitching like it always did when she felt like strangling someone - it had been twitching almost nonstop for the last week because of Arthur.

"Come on now, Georgie! It's not so bad!" She heard the prince in question holler somewhere behind the knights, who just laughed like bloody mindless idiots at everything Arthur said. At least Leon had some sense, Merlyn saw him gripping the hilt of his sword tightly. Merlyn did the same to one of her daggers, ready jump to the rescue if the prince did not stop soon. Some people had tried to convince Merlyn that Arthur really was not so bad as he seemed, but he looked pretty bad to her. Merlyn had no idea, how that prat could ever be king.

Suddenly Merlyn saw the prince walk towards the target with hands on his hips and he squatted down to the servants level who was peeking behind the target, so now he was right between the target and Merlyn. "George, I'm ordering you t- _AAH_!" The sentence was cut short, when a dagger flew right past Arthur's ear scaring him and embedded itself deep in the wood. The prince flipped around with a hand on his blade and saw Merlyn. The girl was standing closer now with arms crossed, her weight on her left leg and head tilted slightly. Her jaw was twitching now and eyes blazing with suppressed fury, but other ways her face was blank. "I thought you said it wasn't that bad?" She asked, voice kept carefully even. From the corner of her eye she noticed how the other knights looked at their feet, hopefully ashamed of themselves.

Arthur's eyes landed on Merlyn's belt, where she hand two other daggers, all with the same shining black hilt. Bright blue eyes jumped back up and anger contorted his face. "You! What the hell do you think you're doing? You could have hit me!" He bellowed and took a step toward her. Merlyn stood still and did not answer, only looked at him pointedly. "Answer me!"

Merlyn glanced at George, who had slowly gotten up and now stood next to the target, face bright red with embarrassment but mostly looking very pleased. "Are you alright, George?" The servant jumped a bit, surprised of her concern, but nodded quickly so Merlyn turned back to the prince. She eyed him up and down for a moment before looking back at his eyes. "I really don't see you being a good king with that attitude," she stated bluntly. She knew that her honesty would someday get her killed, but right now she did not care at all.

"The servants may work for you and be there for you to use, but _do try_ to act a bit better toward them. They are still the citizens of Camelot and deserve your respect, if you want theirs," Merlyn looked straight at the prince's eyes when she spoke, and saw the slow realization in them. Perhaps the man really had not thought of that before? Well, Morgana had hoped that Merlyn would be the one to help Arthur be the person he once was, so she was just fulfilling that hope.

Merlyn uncrossed her arms and walked to the target to pull the dagger out, "and I _never_ miss." She gave a the prince one last sharp look with the dagger's tip pointed to his face and then walked away again. None of the men had said anything, only stared at her in mild amazement, and the prince… well, Merlyn could not lie, he had looked like he wanted to kill her right there and then, but there had been a small glimpse of… awe? No, she probably just imagined it. She had just insulted the prince of Camelot - _again!_ \- and just walked away. Merlyn would be lucky if she did not end up in the dungeons. Or have her head chopped off to keep her silent for once.

 

_...Merlyn…_

Merlyn stopped mid-step when she heard her name being called. She spun around thinking it was one of the knights, but they were all either still standing where she had left them, or talking to each other. None of them were looking at her.

 

_…Merlyn…_

Merlyn spun around a couple of times, probably looking insane but never saw anyone. So… she probably was insane. _Well, that had been long time coming…_ she mused in her head and continued to the castle. She had not seen Gaius since she had been there the first time, so she decided to visit the old man. Gaius really seemed to be someone she could like at some point. He was old, alright, but had a sharp mind and he knew of her magic, so they would have much to talk about. Like the dragon she heard Uther talk about before.

Smoothing her clothes a bit, she nodded to one of the guards and entered the familiar corridor that led to the physicians chambers. The castle's brilliance had not ceased to amaze Merlyn - still she found herself staring at the tapestries and intrigue carvings on the stones. The castle had a lot of corridors and all of them had deep, empty alcoves perfect for hiding. Merlyn had developed a small paranoia towards them. When it was dark, she was always waiting for someone to jump from one of the shadowed alcoves and attack her. Yes, she could fight back, but it made her a bit jumpy when she was patrolling the castle at night - or at daytime, too. Merlyn was not one to be scared of… well, almost anything, not darkness, not death, or spiders, but something about dark, deep alcoves had the hairs on her neck stand out. She could still hide in them, though, but it was not nice.

With a quick knock Merlyn finally entered Gaius' workroom. The man glanced up as she entered and smiled brightly. He was sitting in front of his dining table with a bowl of some kind of stew and a spoon in hand. "Merlyn, dear, it is good to see you. I had been wondering if you'd forgotten me already," Gaius mused and motioned her forward. He grabbed another bowl and filled it with food, placing it in the table across from him. Merlyn thanked as she sat down and grabbed a spoon.

"No, no, just been busy with all the training and learning to follow orders," she hummed and took a bite of the stew. It was quite plain to be honest, but still good. Gaius had probably used a lot of herbs for it. It tasted like those stews she had eaten on the road before coming to Camelot. "What have you been doing, Gaius?" The old man looked up at her, shrugging slightly.

"Nothing special. I have, however, been hearing quite a lot of talk of the bigmouthed girl who joined the knights and has been causing the prince plenty of headaches," Gaius looked at Merlyn pointedly and made her almost snort her food out. Yes, the rumors were true and Merlyn was way too proud of her work. She felt bad for those who had to deal with Arthur when he was in one of his moods because for some reason he did not vent it on her. He actually seemed to be a bit careful around her, like he did not want to anger her. The witch was not one of those people who got easily angry, but maybe he did not want to take his chances? Or maybe he thought of himself a too big of a gentleman to shout at a woman more than needed?

"Yes, well he needs it. The man has a head as big as his waist and needs someone to keep his ego in check," she smirked and actually saw Gaius fight a smile. Merlyn winked at him and returned to her meal. It was quite for a almost ten minutes as they ate, but then Merlyn opened her mouth again. "Do you have any idea, why I'm like this?" The question was asked quietly in a soft voice, like Merlyn was scared of saying it too loud or else it became too real. She did not really want to know his answer because it probably was the same as others - she was special, maybe she had a great destiny, maybe the power was given to her for a reason and so on. She had heard them all.

Gaius sighed and lowered his spoon. "No. I'm sorry, dear. All I know is that you truly are special, the likes of which I've never seen before." Yep, there it was. Merlyn pursed her lips tightly and kept her eyes on the table. She knew very well of her destiny and what was her purpose, but she had no idea where to start. She was supposed to find the Once and Future King, but had no idea where to start looking. There were so many kingdoms and kings and princes, and it was possible that the man had not even been born yet, so it could take years to start anything.

"When I was young, maybe five or six, I thought I was a monster," Merlyn mumbled. Gaius placed his hand on top of hers and squeezed tight. "I told you that I was kidnapped as a child. Well, the woman knew of my powers, and wanted to make a weapon of me. She trained me, both in magic and swords, and…" her breath caught in her throat, she was unable to continue. The memories were too terrible, she did not want to relive them. "And made me do terrible things for years. I managed to trick her to swear an oath to never tell a soul about me, about my part in the prophecy and then I ran. I had learned to hide myself, and these days it takes almost no energy out of me to keep the spells up. I was twelve then."

Gaius had tears in his eyes when Merlyn spoke and his hold on her hand was very tight. Merlyn looked up, and saw the heartbreaking sorrow in his eyes. She had not even told the man everything, but maybe the pain was clear in her voice. The physician got up from his chair and came around to her side. Merlyn froze for a second, when his arms came around her shoulders, but then she melted in his arms. She had not hugged anyone in years, and those she had, had not been like Gaius - she barely knew him, but the fatherly love oozed out of him and made Merlyn relax. She wrapped her arms softly around his middle and placed her head on his shoulder.

"You are no monster, Merlyn. Never think like that." Merlyn smiled at his tender words and nodded against his red robes. Her eyes burned a bit, but she kept the tears away. Gaius pulled back after a minute and stroked her back gently, wobbling back to his chair to the other side of the table. "Now, would you like to tell me about your powers?" He asked. Merlyn snorted for the second time, asking what would he want to know.  "Whatever you want to tell me."

Merlyn leaned back on the chair and looked up at the ceiling, frowning. "Well, it's hard for me to tell much since I never really paid any attention to my powers. It's mostly instinctual. I don't always have to say any incantations, it just happens when I want it to happen." Gaius' face was priceless; he looked so completely shocked and awed and disturbed at the same time that Merlyn huffed at him. "Yes, I've seen that look before. The spells help me control my magic and direct it properly, like with the more complicated spells. And when I learn a new spell, I have to use the words for a while before it comes without them. But with the simple ones…" she trailed off and looked around the room. Her eyes locked on the kettle that was hanging over the fire. With a flash of her eyes, the kettle came smoothly flying towards them and another flash sent two cups to the table. The kettle tipped itself over the cups and filled them with boiling water before returning to the fire. All the while Gaius' mouth was hanging open.

"I.. I have never seen anyone do it so easily. So naturally. Most had to concentrate hard to move anything without words, but you…" he had no words. Merlyn grinned sheepishly and grabbed the jars the man used for his mixed herbs for tea. After few minutes, they were sipping carefully their steaming teas.

"There is also one thing I don't know anyone can do without complicated incantations. It is something I have always known how to do, but I don't really know why," Merlyn said. Gaius looked up curiously, waiting for her to do something. She smiled at him wickedly and let her eyes flash again.

Time slowed down around them. Everything was moving like through thick jelly - everything except Merlyn. She grabbed her cup and moved to sit on the small staircase that led to the backroom. Slowing time had been tiring when she was younger and she had not been able to keep it up for more than few seconds. And while it was still tiring, her kidnapper had made her practice it every day, so now she could slow everything for almost six minutes before it started to drain her energy. It was quite fascinating every time Merlyn did it.

She let her eyes flash again when she found a good position on the stairs and brought the cup to her lips. It was really quite funny to see how Gaius froze completely; in his eyes, Merlyn had just vanished in to thin air. The girl cleared her throat and made the old man jump up from his chair and turn around with a hand on his heart, eyes wide. His mouth opened repeatedly but no words came around, looking more like a fish than a man. "Slowing time," Merlyn stated and took another sip of her tea, eyes trained on the physician. She was still waiting for him to go to the king, but tried to keep her thoughts positive.

Gaius slumped to his chair again trying to calm his breath. "Do not do that again. I'd like to live for a while without suffering a heart attack because of you scaring me," he scolded and made Merlyn press her lips together not to laugh. The heart attack part was not funny, but the look on his face certainly was.

"I'm sorry, Gaius," she murmured behind her cup before emptying it completely. The old man shook his head, still baffled of her skill. "But that is one of the most odd things I can do and I've been doing it.. well, always. First it was for few seconds at the time and it made me almost fall asleep on my feet, but nowadays I could keep it up for nearly six minutes without feeling the eff-," Merlyn explained, but fell silent glancing at the door when she heard someone walking in the corridor. She sat there frozen for a few seconds, scared that someone had been listening. Then there was a knock and the door opened.

"Hello, Gaius," Sir Leon greeted smiling slightly as he carried one of the knights in. The bleeding man was one of the most vocal ones that Merlyn did not like that much. Leon's grey eyes landed on her. "Oh, Merlyn. Don't worry, just a small fight among the knights," the man mumbled as he helped the other knight to a cot Gaius pointed. The man - Morris! - had a bleeding nose, a bruise forming on his eye and his wrist was twisted in an odd angle. While his not-bruised eye was half open, he did not seem to be aware of his surroundings.

Merlyn frowned at Leon as she got up from the stairs and the knight pulled her to the side. "A small fight? The man has no idea what's going on around him! What happened?" She asked him. Sir Leon sighed and sat on one of the stools, rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly. He looked extremely reluctant to talk about the fight, but knew that Merlyn would not let go.

"Well, since you've come around, the men have been fighting quite a bit. Today it was between Morris and Durmont. They were arguing again about which of them would get to escort you to the feast tomorrow," he explained as he looked back at the beaten up knight. Merlyn's brow raised once more as her eyes flickered back and forth between Morris and Leon. The men were actually fighting over her?

"But I'm going with you." Leon nodded to her statement and leaned his elbows against his knees. Realization dawned on her face. "That's why you asked me? To stop them from fighting, because they don't have the guts to try the same thing with you? And why you gave me today off?" Again, she got a nod as an answer. Merlyn let out a low groan and flopped down on the chair she had been sitting earlier. Well, the good news was that she at least had some way to keep the drooling men off her back, but the bad news was that if she began to go to these feasts and other things only with Leon, people would start to think the wrong things.

"I need to make it clear to these idiots that I'm not looking for a man. The next banquet, I'll go alone and if they fight over who's going with me, I'll beat them up myself if nothing else works," she grumbled and heard Leon chuckle at her words. Merlyn still did not think of anyone as her friends, but Leon was the closest to her these days. The knight knew not to force his company on Merlyn, only talking to her if she came to him or they ran into each other somewhere. Merlyn appreciated it a lot, as she seemed to never get any peace quiet to herself around the castle.

"And that's another reason I'm escorting you. The men would be devastated if a woman rejected them. They have this odd idea that being a knight automatically makes girls swoon over them." Merlyn snorted at Leon's words and got up shaking her head.

"It seems that every man who have even a little bit of talent in fighting or have some other esteemed job, have the same idea of life," she retorted smiling slightly and turned to the physician, who was in the middle of cleaning Morris' eye. Merlyn grimaced a bit when she saw how bad the bruise was. "I really need to have a talk with the men soon. This can't happen again… Bye, Gaius, I'll see you someday again," Merlyn sighed and waved her hand. The old man nodded and gave her a small smile before focusing on his work again. Merlyn nodded to Leon as a goodbye before marching out the door towards her chambers. She was so preoccupied in her thoughts that when she got to her room, she slammed the door close so hard that it scared Margaret, who was making her bed.

"Sorry," the soldier mumbled as she flopped on the bed, closing her eyes with a sigh and kicked her boots off. Margaret moved around the room quietly, giving Merlyn some space to clear her mind. Bless that young servant, she had gotten to know Merlyn so well in only a week. "So, did you hear about the knights fighting each other?" She finally asked and peeked at the servant between her eyelids. The girl blushed a bit but nodded. Merlyn let out a loud groan and spun around on the bed, burying her face against the bedding.

She heard Margaret shuffle awkwardly somewhere near the table. Merlyn pressed her cheek to the bed so she could see the girl better. She was all red on her face, clearly not too comfortable of the topic. Merlyn wondered for a moment if she had a crush on one of the knights, and was now jealous. Or maybe the girl had no interest in petty gossip - which was actually quite fine with Merlyn, as she could not care less about hearing accidentally about how _'the handsome knight took me to the_ _tavern_ ' or _'how he prince had last taken a girl to his chambers over a week ago'._ Merlyn had no need for that kind of information.

"Are you alright, Margaret?" The maid in question nodded after jolting in surprise, smiling sheepishly and explained that she had not slept well for few weeks because she was seeing weird nightmares. Merlyn told the girl to go to Gaius and as for some medicinal help, which she promised to do first thing next morning if she had no sleep again.

Then the maid finally left, leaving Merlyn alone with her thoughts and again lying on the bed on her back. The sun would not go down in hours, but Merlyn felt really tired of everything that had happened that day. First he was - _once_ _again_ \- insulting the prince, then showing her magic to Gaius and then hearing about men fighting over who gets to escort her to a stupid feast, and finally, finally got to relax, and then she was bombarded with annoying thoughts.  Merlyn's head was spinning so bad and she really had no idea of what to think.

 

_…Merlyn…_

But oh, would you look at that, she had no choice but to listen to that low, rumbling voice again. She still had no idea where it was coming from, but it definitely was not anyone Merlyn knew. And it sounded extremely old, almost ancient and obviously magical, as it was in her head. The voice called her for a few times, but she really had no energy to answer. Even her magic felt weird, like it too was getting tired of being used and being awake with her.

Then the door burst open and Merlyn jumped up, coming face to face with the prince with her sword pointed at his chest. "Are you _insane_? I could have been changing or, _better yet_ , killed you for barging in like that!" She shouted and dropped her sword on the bed, before sitting herself. She let out a utterly tired sigh and buried her face in her hands. The voice was calling her again, and she really just wanted to bang her head against the wall and fall unconscious so she could get some peace. "Can I not get any peace around here?" She muttered mostly to herself, but heard a small sympathetic voice from the man.

Luckily the prince knew he had been an idiot, and actually grinned at her sheepishly, looking very guilty. "Sorry. But I was actually coming to ask you, that, uh..  i-if you were going to the feast tomorrow?" Arthur asked the question quite nervously, voice shaking like he just wanted to run as fast as he could from the room, and that made Merlyn look up again, frowning. Why did he act like that? First he's a complete ass, then let's her do something stupid like yell at him and then acts all friendly and nervous. _Men really are strange._

Her eyes latched on the princes bright blue ones, that were shining with suppressed hope. Not that Merlyn saw that, she only saw a weirdly behaving man. "Yeah, I am… Sir Leon asked to go with me yesterday. Why?" Merlyn saw how Arthur's smile fell with her words before it even appeared properly. For a second he looked utterly disappointed, but masked it away quite fast. Gone was the friendly man, Merlyn would have liked to know, and back was the arrogant, stoic prince. His eyes turned to ice once more as Merlyn kept waiting for him to answer.

He shook his head, "Oh, no reason. Just wanted to make sure you wouldn't be at the tavern while the others are working. I'll see you there then." And promptly disappeared from her room without letting Merlyn even answer. She stared at the half closed door for a moment after he had vanished, before letting her shoulders sag and drop back on the bed, lying down on her back. She had no time to learn about men and their bizarre behavior. They were just too… _weird._ So what if she was the only girl among them most of the day? Did that really give them the right to assume that they had some sort of permission to flock around her and demand attention like some goddamn mindless, horny buffoons? No, it did not. And all Merlyn really wanted to do with them, was to grab their heads and bang them together to make them see some sense. Leon may have saved her this time, but what about the next? Yes, she would be going alone then, but did not want to reject them every time. It would become tiring very quickly.

 

By the time Merlyn opened her eyes again, it was already dark. She had apparently fallen asleep, as her chambers were silent. There was a tray of food on her table, still steaming so Margaret probably had just brought it. Yawning hard, Merlyn forced herself up and to the table, where the delicious looking chicken, potatoes and vegetables were waiting. Thank god she had told Margaret to bring her less food than nobles and knights usually ate as the first few plates had made her nauseous and way too full.

She managed to eat maybe four bites of her food, when that annoying voice called her again. This time though, she had to see what it was. Leaving her food on the table, she pulled her new cloak from the closet and ducked out of the door. It was already quite late, she had probably slept for more than five hours, so the castle was quiet and mostly empty. She only saw a few guards and some servants doing their last chores, as she pulled the black hood up and hid in shadows, using her magic to keep her footsteps silent.

The voice called again, and Merlyn felt a slight pull on her magic. The owner of the voice had noticed that Merlyn was looking for them, so they tried to guide her. As grateful as she was for the help, she was still cautious of finding an ancient mystery person - or a thing? - that was apparently somewhere in the castle. Merlyn could not help, but feel like this could end up very badly; who knew what they had in mind? Maybe they were here to kill the royals and take over the throne themselves? In the back of her mind, she thought that it would not be so bad and she could probably help a bit, but she quickly pushed it away. Even if Uther persecuted her kind, it would not make her any better if she lowered herself to that level.

Soon, Merlyn found herself in the staircase that led to the dungeons. Were they arrested and calling from the cells? Well, they probably were captured for a reason, so she would not help them escape. The two guards posted to keep an eye out in the dungeons were the most incompetent men Merlyn had ever seen. They were sitting in front of a small table playing dices and they didn't even hear Merlyn walk down, when a good guard would have spotted her before she managed to hide in the shadows. Her eyes flashed gold briefly, sending the dices rolling away from the corridor that led to the cells, and the men run after them. Both of them. _Seriously? How have they survived this long is a mystery to me,_ she thought with a quiet huff as she tiptoed forward. The voice in her head was now almost yelling, so she must have been close.

The cells were empty, nothing more than scurrying rats and straws on the floor. No prisoners whatsoever, so Merlyn was momentarily in a loss of what to do. Then she saw a small entrance that was blocked only with movable rocks. With the help of her magic, she managed to move them silently, soon creeping down the stone steps, holding a white, glowing ball in her hand for light. The staircase was longer than she expected, but fairly soon she was standing on a huge stone ledge in a humongous cave beneath the castle. She threw the light forward to illuminate the cave better. There was nothing there, only a tall rock formation about ten feet in front of her, and darkness.

"Hello?" She called to the cave. Her voice echoed back to her and for a moment nothing else happened. Then there was a strong flapping sound, like an enormous bat and the sound came from somewhere closer to the cave's roof. Merlyn twisted her neck awkwardly, trying to peer upwards. There was a huge shadow coming closer and closer. She took two steps back before the shadow landed on the rock in front of her, and studied her with big golden eyes.

The dragon was nothing like she had ever seen. It looked old but the same time somehow timeless with its dark golden scales and massive limbs. It folded its wings against its body, and sat down like a cat, lowering its head towards the witch. Merlyn could feel the warmth of its fire-breathing mouth on her skin when the mouth - filed with the sharpest, longest teeth she had ever seen - was only two feet away from her. It opened its massive maw, and Merlyn was very sure she would die right there and then.

But then, _he_ spoke, with the same rumbling voice Merlyn had heard in her head, "How small you are for such a great destiny. " The words themselves did not confuse Merlyn, but the fact that the dragon could speak. Sure, she had been taught that they were incredibly intelligent creatures that could live for more than a thousand years, but never had she thought that they could speak. Merlyn felt an awed smile spread on her mouth; the Great Dragon really was beautiful. Extremely dangerous, but beautiful.

"And how large are you for such an annoying habit of yelling in my head," she retorted and raised a scolding brow at him. The dragon let out a booming laugh and drew back a bit, still staying on her level. "Mind telling me your name? I'd prefer to call you something else than 'the dragon'. And if my destiny is so great, I think I deserve it." The big golden eyes never left Merlyn's own blue as the dragon's lips curled in something like a smile.

"I'm Kilgharrah. You don't seem to be surprised to learn that you have a destiny," he mused. Merlyn snorted quietly and shifted her weight on her left leg, crossing her arms over her ribs loosely.

"When you hear it constantly for years and some people treat you like a god for it, it's really hard not to believe it. But I don't believe it to happen any time soon, as I've yet to find this Once and Future King that the prophecy speaks. He might not even be born yet," Merlyn grumbled. She was not even nineteen yet, but she had still heard the bloody stories and prophesies for most of her life and she was done waiting around. If the King wasn't going to show up soon, Merlyn might get herself killed with the way she was living. Not such a great Emrys after that.

Kilgharrah smiled again, this time looking extremely amused. "But you have found him," he told the witch, making her jaw drop. Her mind was spinning, trying to think of the men she had met. Only one of the people she had met was currently a king - a magic-hating king, so it could not be him - and only one of them was a prince, but… No. "…Arthur is the Once and Future King who will unite the land of Albion."

Shaking her head Merlyn uncrossed her arms. "That is not possible. Do you know what kind of a man that so-called prince is? He treat everyone like trash, has no respect to his people and walks around like he has no worry in the world, when other work their asses off! He will be a terrible king, I tell you!" Merlyn shouted and pointed a finger at the beast. For a moment Kilgharrah looked like he wanted to bite the finger off, but he only sat up straighter and stared at her with a grim expression.

"He faces many threats from friend and foe alike. Without you, Arthur will never succeed. Without you, there will be no Albion. "

Merlyn was already taking a few steps backwards and still shaking her head. No, it could not be right. She had spent her entire life believing that the King would be a kind, compassionated man who would be or already was a great king. The Once and Future King could _not_ be Arthur Pendragon! That man was a complete waste of air, not even a good prince let alone the future king. He had no backbone, no sense of his people's discomfort and extreme lack of kindness and compassion towards others. He was an arrogant prat, simply said.

"No. No, you've got this wrong," she insisted. Kilgharrah lowered his head once more, so close that Merlyn could touch him if she tried. Right now though, she was too busy gripping the hilt of her sword and debating on running herself through with it. She would not serve that arrogant _cunt_ as Emrys, the dragon had to be wrong.

The dragon shook he's head slowly and spread his wings to fly away. "There is no right or wrong, only what is and what isn't," he stated and flapped the wings, blowing dust and small stones on Merlyn. She covered her eyes, and watched how the dragon was starting to fly up, away from the conversation. She could not have that, not when he was lying to her like that.

"There must be another Arthur because this one's an idiot! You should see how he treats me! I cannot change who he is, no one can," Merlyn was getting a little desperate, but the dragon did not come back down, only flew higher. Soon, he was out of Merlyn's sight, but he's voice still boomed to her ears, clear a day;

_"Perhaps you already have, without trying."_

 

***

 

The next day, Merlyn's mind was buzzing with Kilgharrah's words. She wasn't paying any attention to Margaret, who was bustling around her chambers, cleaning them and her clothes. The warrior poked her dinner idly, staring at nothing. She could not believe that Arthur was the King of the prophecy. He seemed to share the same thoughts of magic that his father had, and was just truly a terrible person. Sure, he probably had his better days, like Leon tried to tell her, but she had yet seen any of it.

Merlyn didn't even notice how her maid left, leaving Merlyn's clean clothes on her bed. Margaret had brought her a fancy, dark green tunic and dark grey leggings', and her newest, knee-length black boots that Morgana had bought for her. The tunic was truly beautiful, even Merlyn had noticed it and she rarely paid any attention to her clothes - she only cared about them being clean and wearable. It had a mildly generous neckline, but still covered her so she would not feel too uncomfortable. The neckline also left her shoulders bare, and its sleeves reached her wrists. Merlyn also had a black corset to go on top of it, that had a Pendragon dragon sewn to it in bright gold thread. The corset had no other embroidery but the tunic had some golden shapes on the hem that stopped on her hip.

Letting out a heavy, exhausted breath Merlyn dragged herself from the chair to stand before the window - after visiting the dragon last night, she had not slept at all. Merlyn had formed a habit of looking out on the courtyard where people were doing their jobs. Today, it was backed with visiting nobles and their servants. Most of them were dressed in their finest finery, but some had quite modest clothing. They were there for the celebrations, hungry for Camelot's famous feasts and excited to hear the singer, Lady Helen, who she had heard was the best singer in the land. Merlyn was not one to actively search such entertainments, but would be happy to hear her.

After a moment of staring at everyone getting ready for the feast, Merlyn moved away from the window to get dressed herself. She had told Margaret that she did not need help with dressing up, not even with her corsets. All of the corsets she owned, were to be tied from the front, so it was fairly easy. For her hair though, she had no idea what to do. Merlyn was not keen to the idea of dressing up prettily, but maybe the plait she always had was too ordinary. And the messy bun was, well, too messy. So, she decided to just brush it down, and let it fall open along her back. She owned no pretty hair-things, and no makeup except the kohl she had used years ago. Today, she lined her upper eyelid lightly.

There was a knock on her door when she was in the progress of getting her sword belt on, so she just bid them in without turning around. A man cleared his throat in the doorway. Merlyn whipped around, hands still on the belt. Sir Leon was leaning against the doorframe and smiling. "You look different," he stated bluntly, barely a sign of his normal formality. In its stead, there was a slightly raspy voice as he looked at her from head to boot. The soldier-girl rolled her eyes and finally managed to buckle the belt on, then walked to him and looped her arm around his elbow, smiling bitterly.

"Lead the way, Sir Escort," a snappish grunt sounded from her. Leon barked a laugh, but did as was told, leading her towards the Great Hall. Merlyn saw many beautiful dresses, formal armors and other fancy getups. She felt a bit underdressed among all of them, even Leon had his newly polished armor and the red cape on. He looked just like the knight he was, and then there was Merlyn. Sure, she had a festive tunic on, but every other woman she saw was dressed in long, extravagant, obviously expensive dresses. Merlyn's tunic was extremely casual, but still fancier than what she normally wore, as it showed much more skin around her shoulders and cleavage. The sword on her hip still reminded other of her status, and the gold dragon on her corset showed who had her loyalty.

"I feel very uncomfortable right now," Merlyn mumbled to the knight and tightened her hold on his arms. The man was a head taller than she was, so they probably looked a bit funny walking next to each other like that. The top of Merlyn head just barely reached Leon's chin. "Everyone is staring. I don't know if it's that I'm not wearing a bloody dress, or me carrying a sword is too weird for them, or if I just don't really belong to these feasts."

Leon smiled down at her, his eyes lingering on her face for a while before looking back up. "It's not anything like that. Trust me," he chuckled. They reached the huge doors of the Great Hall, so Merlyn had no time to ask any more questions. As it turned out, as nobles and protectors of the realm, the knights had their own little fanfare when he entered the doors as one group. And the same time, Merlyn too got way more attention that she liked. She had no idea if the same treatment would extend to her as 'an advisor for the prince' and almost-knight but she was not looking forward on finding out.

Leon pulled Merlyn straight to the side, where there was food and drinks for those that had no place to sit. The feast was so packed that only the visiting nobles, Camelot's council members and the royal family had chairs, servants, guards and knights were standing around the tables and walls. Merlyn looked around then for the first time. There were huge banners flowing down the walls, all bearing the Pendragon sigil. There were two long tables starting near the doors and going almost to the end of the hall, where the royals were sitting by the high table - the king, the prince and the princess. Uther was wearing the same clothes he always did, in a bit fancier style though and a heavy, golden crown on his head. Morgana had a beautiful red dress that showed the men everything they wanted to have, but couldn't. She was also wearing rubies around her neck and on her hair, that was pulled up in complicated looking designs and a delicate gold coronet on her head.

Arthur on the other hand, was honoring his knighthood by wearing his shining armor and red cape on his shoulders, as well as his own coronet. It looked like he was glowing in the candlelight, when it hit his fair hair and pale blue eyes. The pale blue eyes that were trained on Merlyn right now. The warrior locked eyes with him for a while, and saw how he too looked her up and down a few times, before turning away. His expression never changed and seemed like he too was disappointed on her clothes. Merlyn pressed her lips tightly together and squeezed Leon's arm with more force than necessary, just to stay where she was and not go over there and slap the prince.

"Uh, that is going to bruise if you keep that going," the knight murmured behind his goblet and glanced at Merlyn white-knuckled hand. She hummed a bit as she let go, muttering something about walking around for a while. Leon just nodded to her. Merlyn did not notice him looking after her with a worried look on his face. The knight did like Merlyn quite a bit and knew she would be a fine friend if she just relaxed a bit, so he did not like to see her so worked up about the feast. He watched her walk somewhere behind the milling nobles, before one of his late-father's friends came to him to talk about something not-so-important, but he had to focus on it.

Merlyn had found her way to the other side of the hall, where the servants were standing when they weren't needed. She saw Gwen there, fetching another pitcher of wine and run back to the king, who had his goblet raised. The maid saw her looking towards them, and ducked her head when they locked eyes. Merlyn still had no idea why the maid was acting that way, but decided not to think about it now. Instead she turned back to look at the people and the hall itself. There were so many extravagant decorations, so much food that it could feed one of the villages Merlyn had stayed on her travels for a week and the wine and ale was flowing freely. Without realizing it, she had walked around the hall near the royals, now standing next to a wide pillar when the king stood up.

"We have enjoyed twenty years of peace and prosperity. It has brought the kingdom and myself many pleasures, but few can compare with the honor of introducing Lady Helen of Mora." The doors to the hall open once more, and a beautiful lady in a golden gown waltzes in. Her brown hair is pinned up and cheeks painted rosy. Something about her doesn't sit well with Merlyn, as she studies the woman's face. Lady Helen was a beauty, there was no doubt in that, but there was something more… To Merlyn, it felt like a steady flow of energy, flowing from the singer and touching the warrior's magic. And there was a slight distortion in the Lady's face, that other's could not have seen. It was like looking through a slightly blurry glass. Merlyn could not really do anything that involved magic, if she didn't want to get caught.

Lady Helen curtsied to the king and his family, before climbing on to the small stage. She let her eyes sweep over the crowd, landing momentarily on Merlyn's own. Then she saw it; the madness. The sorrow. Something that should not be in the woman's eyes, when she smiled so sweetly. And then, she opened her mouth.

She could recognize the language anywhere; the language of the Old Religion. She had studied it for over eight years when she was a child so she knew it like she knew her native language. She heard the words for a strong sleeping spell, and immediately slapped her palms over her ears, as the people slowly began to fall asleep. Dust, and cobwebs formed over their unmoving bodies, the world seemed to lose all color and the Lady started to walk forward. Toward the prince. Her voice grew harder, more angrier by the second. Soon, only Merlyn was awake and she finally let her eyes flash. The glamour on the woman faded slowly, showing only to Merlyn her true self - Mary Collins, the mother who had promised to kill the prince. Merlyn's heart jumped to her throat as she saw how the old woman pull a dagger from her sleeve.

Merlyn was faster though. She ripped her palms away from her ears, praying to every god there was, that she had more endurance against the spell like she usually did. She drew her sword and stepped around the pillar, seeing how the woman aimed at Arthur - so Merlyn aimed at her. She could not slow time this time and stab the old crone properly, because someone could easily see her and wonder how she was the only one awake and moving around. So the only option was to throw the blade. With a little help of her magic for the aim, she threw the sword as hard as she could. Mary Collins raised her left arm the same time to throw her own blade, so the sword slipped in her side like warm knife cutting butter. The woman dropped to her knees and the dagger clattered to the ground as the people started to wake up. Uther was shouting, demanding why their singer was dying, so Merlyn run forward and swiftly searched her. She found an amulet inside her dress and pulled it away from the imposter.

A round of gasps was heard around the room as Merlyn shattered the trinket against the stone floor, revealing Mary Collins to the king. Before the man could order the woman's arrest, Merlyn saw a glimpse of metal in the corner of her eye. Mary Collins had grabbed the blade she had earlier dropped and was just about to throw it with the last of her strength, yelling about 'a son for a son!'. But her attempts were in vain because just maybe two seconds before the dagger left her hand, Merlyn ran. She was lucky that the high table was only a few feet away, or else she would not have made it. Arthur was still sitting in his chair on the right side of the table - Merlyn practically jumped against him and threw him, her and the chair on the ground, landing over the man straddling his hips and her chest against his. The dagger flew over her head and scraped the top of her head slightly, just enough to draw a drop of blood.

Behind them, Merlyn heard the screech of the woman, that was quickly cut off as one of the other knights probably ended her life there and then. Then the warrior's attention turned back to the matter on hand, namely the prince below here and them in a very awkward position. She saw him blushing viciously, and hoped so bad that her cheeks remained pale as usual. Merlyn pulled him up with her, avoiding his eyes as well as she could. "Now you have saved my boy's life too."

Merlyn turned around, glad for the distraction. She met the green, shining eyes of the king and then, to her horror, was promptly pulled to his arms into a fierce hug. She froze in place, staring at Gaius with wide eyes over the man's shoulder and eventually patting the king's back awkwardly. The physician fought hard to keep a smile off his face. "It's fine, my lord. I'm only doing my job," she reassured him as the man finally let go. He just rambled something about all of them now owning her their lives, and how she would be rewarded even more handsomely in the near future. Merlyn had no idea what to expect, as she already thought that her new job and chambers in the castle were quite enough.

"I need no reward, my liege. I am perfectly happy with my current situation," she tried again, but the king would not hear it. He turned to the nobles to see the body of Mary Collins being dragged out. "We have once again witnessed the evils of magic. Let today's events be a reminder of that, a reminder of what we are fighting for. Let the celebrations continue!" Merlyn had to fight to keep the grimace off her face. She excused herself saying she needed some fresh air and walked quickly out of the hall. She felt several sets of eyes on her back, but only stopped when she got to the courtyard. She leaned against one of the stone pillars and let herself flop heavily on the ground, not even caring about her pretty tunic right now. Not that it would have mattered, as it was already covered in blood and bits of food from the prince's plate.

 

The state of her clothes and the smell of blood in such humid, backed room made her head feel dizzy. When she closed her eyes, she saw snippets of her nightmares behind her eyelids, and they made her breath hitch slightly as she tried to push them away. Merlyn's eyes burned, but she refused to cry. She wouldn't cry, not when there was a chance of someone seeing her. The back of her head dropped against the pillar with a small _thud_ , dark blue eyes - that looked almost black in the heavy darkness - roamed the empty square. She saw two guards standing near the gates, but luckily both had some sense of duty, and did not stare at her.

Slow footsteps made her shift her eyes towards the castle entrance and land on a man in a red cape and armor. He raised his hands, palms toward Merlyn to signal peace and sat to her right, still keeping a good two foot distance between them. "So, that was really impressive back there with the woman." Merlyn snorted quietly, still trying to get her mind straight. She moved to watch the sky as the clouds drifted slowly away revealing the moon.

"So, now you're actually complementing me, hm?" She murmured and gave the prince a quick sideways glance. The man grimaced a bit, but nodded. Merlyn had no idea, but he actually looked a bit ashamed - she hoped it wasn't because of the complementing, but something else. "Well, that would be the first time if we're not counting the night when you realized I could handle the training," Merlyn continued, unable to keep the bitter tone away from her voice. It really had been hard enough for her to be the woman among the knights, but add the prince's cold behavior on top of it? It was becoming very tiring already, and it had been only a week.

Arthur coughed a bit, "yeah, I know. But I'm here for another reason." Now Merlyn looked at the man completely. He was still blushing a little and he had that 'I want to say something but I don't know how' - look on his face. She had seen that particular look now almost every day for four days, but never had the prince said anything. Well, other than orders that is. Merlyn looked at him expectantly with an raised eyebrow, until the man let out a frustrated sigh. "Alright. Thank you. For saving my life." Now it was Merlyn's turn to look like she had no idea what to do. The prince know how to thank someone? Well, that was unexpected. And he actually looked like he meant it.

A small, wicked grin spread to her lips. "You must have hit your head harder than I thought, sire. I positive that you just thanked me." Arthur just huffed and punched her shoulder lightly, the touch of his skin making her own bare skin tingle weirdly. She assumed it was because of the cold, and didn't think of it more. The prince got up rather quickly and, weirdly enough, offered a hand to her too like a proper gentleman. Clearly being raised in court had done _some_ good to him. Even if he became a terrible king, he might find himself a good queen to help him and actually run the kingdom.

 

Late that same night, long after the castle had gone quiet again, a black hooded figure sneaked towards the dungeons. Every time she run along the corridors at night, it became easier. And it helped a lot to know the patrols' schedules. A bit of magic there, and a bit more here and soon Merlyn was going down the long stone staircase to the dragon, who was already waiting for her.

"So, young witch, what has changed?" Kilgharrah's voice boomed before Merlyn even got the chance to drop her hood down. She met the creature's eyes puzzled. He sighed low. "The flow of destiny has begun, and your lives are slowly intertwining together. I can feel it, so can the Druids and Priestess' , and every magical creature all over the land."

Merlyn shifted awkwardly in her place, flicking her eyes from the dragon to the cavern wall behind it. "I'm not sure. Well, I know for a fact that I saved his royal behind from a vengeful old crone, but…" the witch hesitated, not really sure if it was such a big thing. Kilgharrah lowered his massive head to her level and tilted it, waiting. "But he thanked me. I had no idea he even knew how to thank anyone for any reason." The dragon let out a powerful huff of air over Merlyn, making her stumble.

"Like I said before, young witch, he is already changing. You just can't see it yet, for he has to find the true him, himself. And he cannot do it, before he _sees_." Now Merlyn was quite sure, that the lizard just threw cryptic crap around for the fun of it. She placed hands on her hips and raised a scolding eyebrow at him, prompting a heavy sigh from Kilgharrah. "You truly are a stubborn one, young witch. The young prince has to see what the world really is and what it has," he explained, moving closer again, "the companionship, the hate and the love. _The magic._ " Merlyn blanched at his words, now very sure that the beast was insane. She started to shake her head vigorously.

"I cannot tell him about me, are you insane? He's too much of his father's son, and I'm still not believing him to be the right King!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms up and pacing back and forth on the narrow ledge. She felt the piercing, ancient eyes following her movements. "I mean, I can _sort of_ understand why it would be such a big prophesy if it were Uther's son, but… the tales speak of a great, kind king. Not someone who has no mind of his own and likes to torment others!"

"You are quite right, Merlyn. But as I said, maybe it is your destiny to change that and help him be the King you have been waiting," he said in a soft voice and spread his wings, flying away before Merlyn could even protest. She shouted something very unintelligent after him, only receiving a booming laugh as an answer. Grumbling, she pulled her hood back up and practically stomped back to her chambers.


	5. Magical shield and a prince who does not get it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: some descriptions of an attempted sexual assault and references of mild PTSD. Starts when the characters attend to 'the gathering' after the second day, just in case you don't like that stuff.

New nervous would-be-knights were standing in the courtyard almost a week after the whole Mary Collins incident. They were all from houses that were situated on the outskirts of Camelot, and some were even from other kingdoms. King Uther was not so trusting of those foreign men, but agreed to let them at least try out. Arthur had been more snappish the whole week, and Merlyn was very close to beating him to dust just to get him to shut up. Leon and few other knights had noticed how the prince was extra annoying to Merlyn, but none of them had the guts to do anything, so Merlyn was left to vent her anger other ways - mostly by slaughtering innocent practice dummies or screaming to her pillow. It had been stressful for all of them, so Arthur shouldn't be acting so terribly all the time.

It was stressful for Merlyn the most. As a unconventional woman among the knights, she was told to stay behind for the most part. As she was still recognized as a warrior and one of the most skilled ones, she would be fighting against the best trainees. Apparently her words to Arthur on her first day were doing something, because the prince's reasons for the arrangements were _'we need to see that the new men will not underestimate their opponents based on gender or size'_. For a fleeting moment, Merlyn had actually been proud of herself. But of course, after that the man had ordered everyone to run around the field and almost die under the burning sun. Her good mood did not stay.

So, that's why Merlyn was disguised. Sort of. She had her basic clothes that included her brown leggings', brown boots and a green tunic with a black corset-typed vest over it, but had no sword or belt with daggers on her. She did have a concealed dagger in her boot, but none of the new knights knew about it. They were not exactly lying to anyone, but made it seem that she was the beloved of one of the knights. It was not a surprise that she had picked Leon for that part, and it seemed that the man did not mind. Leon really was a good friend; he reminded Merlyn of a man from her past, who had been really dear to her. Of course, he was probably dead by now…

Ripping herself back to the present, she looped her hand around Leon's elbow and gave him a tight smile when the man rolled his eyes as he led the way to the courtyard behind Arthur. The prince eyed them, obviously unpleased about something but never said a thing. It was not like Merlyn and Leon spent a lot of time together, they actually rarely saw each other. They attended training together and sometimes were on the same patrol riding out of the city, but beyond that? Not really. She saw Arthur more, so the man really should not look at them so disapprovingly. If he did not like the fact that Leon was the wan accompanying Merlyn, he should have done it himself. _Prat._

"Welcome, trainees!" Arthur yelled over the commotion in the square. The men fell silent in one instant, every single pair of eyes on the prince. Merlyn too had to admit, that Arthur in his armor and cape was an impressive sight. He oozed regality, confidence and, well, he was quite pleasing to look at with his golden hair and shiny, pale blue eyes. Not that Merlyn would look at him that way, _no, no_. She just observed, like a good soldier. "You are here to show us if you have what it takes to be a knight of Camelot! You will attend training with the knights, complete series of tests and on the last day you will face your final test, or actually two of them. You will face me, Camelot's First Knight and prince, and then our best fighter. I will be the test to see if you have what it takes, and the second one will show us if you can fight an opponent with great skill, unconventional style and… well, you'll see," he finished, smiling wickedly. The knights of Camelot all chuckled at his words, and even Merlyn had a hard time to contain her grin. The trainees all looked extremely nervous when they heard of the mystery fighter.

"It's still quite strange to hear any nice things about me from the prince," Merlyn murmured to Leon while Arthur started to order servants to show the men their rooms. "Especially when just yesterday he called me a lazy no-good-girlie when I beat him again." The knight on her arm snorted - a commonly heard sound from the man these days - and placed his free hand on Merlyn's that was clutching his elbow, patting it a few times.

"You're growing on him. Did you know that he actually has complimented you to his father?" Leon asked as he looked down at her. Seeing her puzzled expression, he smiled and started to lead her to the training grounds. "Yes, well. He has shouted at the king about your attitude, your sharp mouth and most of everything you do, but every time they have dinner together, the prince has said how your skills really do fit well among the knights." Merlyn's eyebrows flew upwards at his words and she had to take a minute to understand what the knight really said. Arthur had been talking about her to the king? And saying something good too?

"And what has the king said about my bad ways?" They were on the edge of the training grounds now. In the distance were four newbie-knights already sparring, trying to show off to the knight they probably recognizes as Arthur's right hand, and his companion Merlyn. Her deep blue eyes followed their movements sharply, taking note of the one with the yellowish attire as he seemed the most skilled of the four.

Leon's voice rang over her head, sounding like was trying to keep from laughing. "Well, according to princess Morgana, the king thinks Arthur has a crush on you. He had said that 'the way he rants and rants about Merlyn makes the boy sound like a love-sick fool, who doesn't know how to deal with his feelings'," he told, now actually biting his lip tight and refusing to meet Merlyn's eyes as she stared at him, "and he said this all while Arthur was next to him. Morgana said that it had been the best day of her life to see how Arthur turned red as a tomato and practically ran out of the room." Now the man couldn't keep his snickers in, and he actually had to bend to lean on his knees as he was laughing so hard.

Merlyn did not think it was funny. Why would the prince have a crush on _her?_ She may be good-looking, skilled with the sword and all, but there were many women who were much more beautiful than her and did not have a scar on their face, and practically all over their bodies. And Merlyn was a commoner, so even if he did have a crush, it could never be anything. _And_ she had no interest in him. He may be good-looking and everything, but the man was a total ass. She had no idea why the king - and apparently the princess too for that matter - would think that Arthur liked her. The prince rarely said a compliment to her, and even more rarely looked at her. That was not the behavior of a man liking a girl.

"Well, I sure hope the king is wrong. I have no idea where he got that idea, but it'll never happen," she grumbled and crossed her arms across her chest. She saw a flash of red go past her as the prince himself strode to the training grounds, face grim and jaw ticking. He didn't look like he had heard anything, only that he was stressed about the new knights. And, even if he did hear, it could not be so bad - Arthur must know that not every woman want him, and that the king was wrong… right?

Leon pulled her closer to the others when he finally calmed down, and linked their arms again. It was much more simple to appear as a couple, because it gave Merlyn a reason to be there. There had been a bit of arguing over who got to be with her among the knights, but after Merlyn had _finally_ exploded and shoved the idiots to the ground, yelling how she was not some damsel who needed a man, and who could not go alone to banquets, the men had finally let go. There was going to be a big feast when the new knights were selected, and no one had started a fight to get to escort her. Merlyn was extremely pleased - if she wanted to go with someone, she would ask them herself.

 

Arthur unclasped his cape and tossed it to George who was holding his master's sword ready. "Right, you jumped up dung beetles, this is it. I will not tolerate any foul play, any disturbing behavior or any laziness!" He announced and looked at each of the men. He got anxious nods back. "You will pair up with my knights, who will estimate your skills. If they say you are worthy of staying, you will come back tomorrow. If they say you are not skilled enough, you will leave tomorrow. Is this understood?" Again, just nodding and a few quiet murmurs. Merlyn saw that Arthur was not happy about the quiet, but he just waved his hand and the men started to find knights to train with. Leon too got a partner, so Merlyn moved next to the prince.

Her eyes found the man dressed in yellow again. She did not recognize his sigil anywhere, so he was probably from a smaller house. He was big, almost as big as Arthur and almost as tall as Leon, who was actually sparring with him. He fought well, clearly used to the style. "Who is he? The one dressed in yellow," she asked the prince. He turned to looked at the direction Merlyn nodded. "He seems quite good."

Arthur nodded slowly, but watched the man through slightly narrowed eyes. "Valiant. And yes, he does but something about him gives me the creeps," he mused and pursed his lips in annoyance as Valiant knocked Leon down. It had been a lucky strike, but the man looked way too pleased about it. Merlyn too felt a bit wary of the man, but saw potential. Suddenly he locked eyes with Merlyn and gave her the slimiest, most disgusting smile Merlyn had ever seen. It sent the hairs on her neck standing. She only stared back, face blank and hoped that her expression would ward him away.

"Creep," she hissed and heard a snort from Arthur, who had also seen the man's face. Valiant's eyes flickered to the prince and something in Arthur's face finally snapped him out of it and he held a hand to Leon to help him up. Valiant swaggered past them to the water barrel, swirling his shield idly. Merlyn's magic reacted to something in him - it was not a pull like with other magic-users, but a feeling of… something. Like a concentration of magic, an object maybe? Perhaps he had an enchanted sword, or something to help him be a knight.

Leon came to her next, frowning at Valiant's back. "There something seriously wrong with that man," the statement caused Merlyn and Arthur both frown as well and look at him intently. As much as they both wanted to get rid of the man, they needed a real reason, not just that they disliked him. "When he got me down, I swear I heard him whisper something to someone. And then there was this… this sound. Like a snakes hissing, but I saw no snakes." Merlyn looked back at Valiant, who was now staring at another trainee. The man was skilled too, maybe even more than Valiant and fought well against Sir Pellinore. He certainly looked like he could very well be a knight of Camelot just based on skill.

Arthur scoffed a bit. "Perhaps that fall made you hear noises, Leon. You should go see Gaius," he smirked and patted the knight on the shoulder before walking away. The prince really needed to start to listen to his knights. Merlyn had heard several stories in her two weeks in Camelot of how the knights or servants went to Arthur about some suspicions of something, but he always brushed them off. And almost every time they happened and someone got hurt. It was not a good quality on a future king, as even Uther seemed to take these things seriously.

"Don't worry, Leon. I believe you," Merlyn comforted the man, who smiled back at her looking a bit relieved. He seemed to be used to being turned down, so someone actually believing made him feel better about himself. While the witch wasn't any closer to being nice, friendly or anything like that, she at least had seen that Leon could be a good friend. What she had seen, the man did not have the same prejudice of magic either. A few days ago, the king had burned a teenage girl for healing a young boy who had fallen in the woods and hurt his knee. Merlyn had again stayed in her room, and offered the girl a painless death. As the girl had fallen slack, Merlyn had looked at the people standing around the pyre. Most of them looked uncomfortable, some angry and some pleased. The knights were mostly impassive, but Leon looked like he wanted to jump to the flames to save the girl. The same day at another execution of an older man, he looked the same. Merlyn had high hopes that maybe she could reveal her powers to Leon some day. The witch had hoped to see the prince there someday, but he always stayed away from the courtyard when someone was executed for magic. Merlyn had no idea if he just did not care, or did not like the killing.

"Alright, everyone stop! You can now find partners from the other trainees, and the knights and I will decide your fates," Arthur announced after an hour of relentless sparring. Merlyn watched as Valiant partnered with the other skilled young man and they moved quite far away from the others. She had no time to ponder on it, for the knights and Arthur walked towards her and Leon. They all had very thorough reports of the skills, and none of them had any maybes. There were twenty-four trainees, and only twelve of them would continue the next day. As bad as Merlyn felt about sending some of them home already, she too had seen how some of them were clearly there only to please their fathers.

"So, what about Valiant and Hugo?" Merlyn pitched in, still keeping her eyes on the two men sparring behind the others. Valiant seemed like he was losing, but didn't give up. He landed on his left knee and had to cover his body with his shield as Hugo, the burly red-head man, relentlessly smashed against the wood. The curious part was, that there were no splinters flying off the shield. It seemed to absorb the attacks in a way that Valiant's arm wouldn't get hurt. "Valiant seems to be capable, but may not have everything that it takes. The fight with Sir Leon was only won by sheer luck, and Hugo over there looks like he's ten times better," she mused and got a few nods from the knights.

Arthur cleared his throat. "Yes, Hugo is definitely one of the men continuing tomorrow, and so is Valiant. He is still skilled, even if he needs a bit more work." Merlyn just hummed at his words, frown on her face and eyes never straying from the man dressed in yellow. She had a bad feeling about the man, but could not put a finger on it. She really needed to keep an eye on Valiant. Just to be safe.

 

***

 

The second day started like any other day. Merlyn ate breakfast and listened to Margaret tell about her brother and how the boy had been working so hard because of the trainee-knights, he was developing an illness. Merlyn didn't really say anything to her, just offered her condolences and suggested to the maid that she could take a few days off to take care of her brother and help with his chores, so he wouldn't actually get sick. Margaret accepted the offer with a wide smile and curtsied like a hundred times before leaving Merlyn to get changed.

Like the day before, she had to leave her weapons in her room. She didn't feel comfortable without them, but had sadly agreed to the plan of playing like she wasn't a warrior. The idea had been fine first, but now it was just becoming annoying. The men that were trying to be knights were all sending her lingering looks everywhere she went and Merlyn was just waiting to get a chance to knock them on their asses the next day in the final test. She would be fighting after Arthur, so only the most skilled would face her. It really was an honor to be the final test, even Leon said that it was highly unusual for Arthur to let anyone else be the last one. The prince had always been the 'final and worst opponent' for the men.

Twenty minutes later, Merlyn was walking to the training grounds. The men were already there and Merlyn spotted Leon and Arthur in the middle. They were assigning pairs and giving them different weapons to try out. The test for the second day was long and tiring, as the trainees would be tested in different weapons; maces, quarterstaffs, daggers and many other, unusual weapons that even Merlyn knew nothing about. Some of them were there just to show their skills, but rarely anyone went to battle wielding a quarterstaff.

 

"Ah, Merlyn, finally. We've been waiting for you to get here," Arthur sneered as he noticed her arrival. Merlyn raised a questioning brow at him, as she really didn't even need to be there until the final test. Maybe the prince had grown used to her presence or something. "I've been telling the men not to be lazy, so even you have no right to sleep in and be fashionably late." Well, now the man was just trying to annoy her even more. Merlyn crossed her arms and gave him a withering look, which didn't really have any effect on him.

"Right, well, some of us take a bit longer to dress because we don't need any servants for it," she retorted in a dry voice, "not everyone is a privileged prat with a head too big for their necks." Her words got a few, stifled laughs from the men around them as they were too nervous to openly enjoy the banter. And Merlyn knew quite well that the knights liked to listen to her and Arthur, even if they said nothing. Even Merlyn enjoyed it, and had a suspicion that he did too.

Arthur snorted, "yes, dressing up in _that_ would take time, I'm sure. You really should think about wearing dresses, or you'll be mistaken for a man someday." Merlyn was once again wearing her purple tunic with a black vest over it, and her usual leggings'. Her hair was open this time and getting to her face all the time because of the slight wind.

"Don't worry, I'm not worried about that. I still know for a fact that people still mistake _you_  for a man," Merlyn said with a wide, wicked grin and got an angry scowl back that only made her grin widen.

"Shut up, _Mer_ lyn," he snapped and stomped away, leaving Merlyn snicker next to Leon that was looking between them two with n expression torn between amused and worried. Leon was the only one that had the guts to actually show his amusement about their arguments. Merlyn and Arthur never really fought anymore, except when they had a real reason. They just insulted one another all day, sometimes shouted and never apologized about anything. It was their way of communicating and tolerating the other's presence.

 

The trainees started with the mace. It was quite painful to watch, as most of the twelve remaining men had never held one before. One of the men actually got wounded pretty badly, and lost conscious as the mace made impact on his shoulder and sent him flying on his back. He hit his head hard, and was carried to Gaius by two knights surveying the test. Another man got a deep gash on his upper arm, but no other bad injuries came up.

Then, they tried the staffs. It was horrible to watch. Merlyn stayed on the side and actually laughed at the men, who were like children waving sticks around. She had used a quarterstaff before, so she would have been the perfect teacher but unfortunately had to stay away. She watched as Arthur and Leon covered their eyes in shame, when one man tripped on his own staff and landed face first in a puddle of mud. And he was the best of them. By the end of the trial, Merlyn had a sore stomach from laughing so hard.

Then finally, after almost seven weapons and four hours, the tired men were lined up. They got to choose a weapon and then they were to fight against each other. As one of them was being treated by Gaius, someone had to fight against Sir Evan. Only one of the trainees volunteered to fight against a knight of Camelot; Valiant. _Of course…_ Merlyn thought as she stared at the man. She was still sure that he had some kind of a magical object on him, but had no idea what. The shield was her best bet, but had no idea how to prove it.

The fights between the trainees took quite a bit of time, as they were all equally matched. None of them stood out, except Hugo who won his fight within two minutes. He was really good and Merlyn looked forward to fight against him the next day. Finally, it was Valiant's turn. He had chosen a sword and a shield, of course. He looked way too confident to fight someone who had been a knight for years and was actually one of the best there was. Sir Evan attacked first, and that was followed by the most confusing fight ever. It seemed for most of the time that Valiant was losing, but in the end, it was Sir Evan who was on the ground unconscious. Merlyn and Leon rushed to him while Arthur congratulated Valiant. The prince still wasn't listening to Leon's warnings about Valiant.

Merlyn reached Evan first and checked his pulse and breathing. His pulse was strong, but his breathing seemed a bit ragged and shallow. At first she thought it was because of the fall, but then she saw two little puncture wounds on his neck. It was like a snake bite, but no snakes were around. If one had gotten close, she would have surely seen it. A quick glance to Leon, she saw that the knight too had seen the bites too, and was not pleased. They had no way of proving it was Valiant's doing, so the only thing they could do was to carry Evan to the physicians workroom.

Gaius was in the process of giving the wounded trainee some medicine for the pain, when Merlyn and Leon kicked the door open and carried Evan to the second cot. Gaius rushed closer, asking what happened when the knight showed no signs of being hit too hard or anything like that. "He has a bite mark on his neck," Merlyn stated and watched as the old man placed his glasses on his nose and leaned closer. He hummed thoughtfully and examined the knight fully.

When he finally turned to them, his expression was grim and full of sorrow. "I'm afraid it really is a snake bite. I have no way of knowing if it is a deadly bite or just a coincidence, if I don't have the snake itself. Do you know what happened?" Merlyn and Leon exchanged wary looks before Merlyn let out a heavy sigh and flopped to the stool by Gaius' worktable.

"I think one of the trainees, Valiant, had something to do with it," she told the old man, "but I have no way to prove it. It just looked like he was losing, and then suddenly he lands a lucky hit with his shield on Sir Evan. He wins and Evan has bite marks on him. It makes no sense, Gaius," Merlyn's voice was almost pleading as she spoke, begging him to believe her. Even when Merlyn really was almost a knight, she could not accuse anyone of using magic to cheat and possibly kill without any evidences.

Gaius seemed to think the exact same thing, as he just sighed and patted her shoulder. "I'm sure you'll find a way. But as long as I won't get the snake, I can't make an antidote." Merlyn and Leon just nodded grimly and left the physician to continue his work. They walked for a minute before Leon stopped her and pulled her to the side so no one would hear them.

"How can you be sure that Valiant had something to do with this?" He asked frowning deeply.

"Believe it or not, I actually have a brain and working eyes. It's not so hard to see when you try," the witch snapped and shook his hand away from her shoulder before walking away. She could not say that she felt the magic in his shield because it would automatically mean that she had magic too, and it was getting frustrating. Merlyn really had no other way to prove that Valiant was cheating, so she'd have to take a look at the shield herself.

 

***

 

That night, there was a small gathering in celebration of the men who got to continue to the last day. The Great Hall was decorated and there was more food that anyone could eat. Banners that had the sigil's of the men's houses and fabrics showing their colors everywhere. Servants were bustling around, and even though the gathering was not as huge as the one after the final test would be, the men seemed to love it. And Merlyn was not one to stay away from amazing food and some ale, even if it was a bit of a waste. She was just pleased that she had no reason to try and act like a Lady of a knight and nobleman, so she was able to wear her second fancy tunic - a black one with bright golden embroidery, that had loose sleeves that tightened around her wrists and a low neckline. Merlyn covered the ugly scar on her chest with a red neckerchief tied around her neck, and of course, her dark leggings' and boots that reached the halfway of her calves. She even had her hair twisted in a pretty bun with a gold ribbon.

The atmosphere in the Great Hall was quite jolly in her perspective. The knights-in-training were all in high spirits of being able to continue, and the current knights of Camelot were walking around getting to know everyone and even the prince seemed to be having fun. Among all the men, there were some courtiers and noble men, mostly just those that lived in the castle or had travelled with their sons. Leon had dragged Merlyn everywhere with him, and the witch was really uncomfortable around to many strange people without any weapons other than her magic, which would be no good around the Camelot knights and nobles. But, her goblet never ran empty and people were actually talking to her, so she too was in a good mood.

There was just one problem; Valiant. The man had been staring at Merlyn the whole night and seemed to follow her around. Merlyn hadn't had a chance to see the shield yet, so the man's constant staring was even more irritating because of it. A few times he had tried to corner Merlyn to talk to her, but she had quickly grabbed Leon by the hand and turned her back to Valiant. Leon luckily had noticed Valiant's attempts too so he had not protested, only pulled Merlyn closer to keep her safe. Merlyn was not one to be afraid of almost anyone, but that man send the creeps up her spine and brought back unpleasant memories.

 

_"Come on now, lass, spread those pretty lil' legs for me, aye?" The man whispers in a slimy, sneering voice as he lowers his body on her, trapping her effectively between him and the table. His breath smells like old wine and rotten vegetables, and his rough beard leaves small marks on Merlyn's neck and jaw. The ragged blade against her underside of her jaw is covered in her tears and small driblets of her blood. His rough hands roam all over her hips, legs, breasts that are no longer covered as the blue fabric was ripped just a few minutes ago._

_"Please, don't…" a ragged sob breaks the silence as the calloused, dirty hands spread her legs and something touches her…_

"Merlyn?" A voice ripped her out of her thoughts and sent her eyes flying open. Merlyn hadn't even noticed that she had closed them. Leon was standing in front of her, tilting his head to the side to see her face better. "Are you alright?" He asked, weirdly worried. That was when Merlyn realized that a tear had escaped to her cheek. She let out a nervous, a bit shaky laugh and nodded as she wiped the tears away.

"Yeah, just fine. Sorry, I-ah, I need some air," she murmured to the knight, and left him no time to protest or ask any more questions as she promptly vanished from his line of sight. The man blinked a few times and looked around, but saw no more signs of the girl. His grey eyes found Arthur thought, and the prince was looking at their direction frowning in confusion. He was too far away to have seen her tear, but probably saw the strange interaction between Merlyn and Leon, and then her disappearance. The prince raised a brow at the knight, and only got a shrug back - neither of them had any idea what happened.

Meanwhile, Merlyn was almost running out of the castle, heading straight to the training grounds. She only had her dagger in her boot, so she'd had to visit the armory first to borrow a sword. Right now she had no interest in their plan of keeping her in hiding and not reveal her real job - she just had to vent her feelings someway. So if none of the knights wished to be her practice target in somewhere secluded, she would have no other choice but to kill one of the unmoving ones on the grounds.

It was already dark when Merlyn reached the armory, and she had no torches to light. Even when in a mood like this, she still had no interest of getting caught with her magic just because it was too dark. So, pretty much blind, she made her way through the armory towards the weapons racks. She felt her way through the weapons, and finally her fingers made contact with a sword. It was bigger than her own and had a bit more sloppy balance, but it would do. Just when she was about to go out, she heard a strange, hissing sound. She spun around toward to sound, but could really not see well in the dark armory. The moonlight only illuminated some of the room.

"Is someone there?" Merlyn called as she raised the sword in front of her. The sound came again, closer this time and made her jump. Feeling a bit paranoid, the witch was about to leave when her eyes landed on the shield Valiant had used. It had his sigil of three green snakes with red eyes on a yellow base. She noticed how it didn't seem to have any damage even after the way Hugo had bashed against it with force many must have envied.

Then the hissing sound came again and Merlyn saw something she would have preferred not to have seen - one of the snakes blinked. From there, it was not hard to understand what were those odd feelings she had earlier had come from; Valiant really had a magical shield. A magical shield with living snakes to be exact, so it could not be any good. And it also proved that he was responsible of Sir Evan's condition.

While Merlyn was crouching in front of the shield, a dark figure sneaked to the armory behind her. The shape moved so quietly that Merlyn almost did not hear it. She had a bad feeling that it was the owner of the shield who had followed her from the gathering. Her hand tightened around the hilt of the sword, just waiting for Valiant to attack or do something equally stupid. It was his mistake if he did.

"It is a stunning shield, my lord," she finally said after the man had been standing in the shadows for a while, not doing anything but watching her. That was even worse than actually attacking her. Merlyn stood up with the tip of the blade against the floor and turned slowly around, tilting her head. Valiant stepped forward slowly, looking rather spooked by her noticing his presence. Merlyn kept her own face carefully blank, not wanting to show any of her own nervousness to him. "Mind telling me why you were just standing there and staring at me?"

Now Valiant looked a bit more smug, as a smile spread on his face. "Is it a crime to admire a gorgeous young woman now?" He asked and sent chills along Merlyn's spine. His dark eyes were pinned on Merlyn's face, but they flickered briefly to his shield behind her. "But yes, it is a beautiful shield. Almost matches the beauty of its admirer," Valiant added and Merlyn had a hard time keeping her face impassive. She felt like throwing up right there for just his words. They made her feel dirty. Compliments were nice, but when they were said in a voice so oily…

"Well, thank you, sir. But I must ask you to go back to the others. I'm only here to make sure Sir Leon's sword is properly sharpened for tomorrow. He only trusts me with it," purred Merlyn in a sickly sweet voice and hoped that mentioning the knight would make Valiant back away. But Valiant's expression never changed, and he even took two steps forward. Merlyn gripped the hilt of her sword tighter, but the man didn't even notice it as he came closer. Merlyn knew that she could fight him off if he did anything, but also knew how she froze in this situations. Even her magic stopped working, leaving her utterly defenseless.

 

_…She is cornered, pinned against a table and hands grabbing her hips tight. So tight that they would be bruising the next day. A smelly, greasy mouth latches on hers and his tongue pushes forcefully in her mouth. She tries to push him away, tries to use her magic but it is like everything in her freezes. He pushes her on her back on the table, pulling her legs up and gropes her crotch too roughly…_

 

Valiant's hand rose to her face, and he let his fingers graze her cheek. Merlyn jerked backwards to get away, but the man was relentless, and just moved his hand closer. His other hand gripped Merlyn's waist and pulled her against his body. Now she didn't even try to keep the revulsion from her face as she placed her free hand on his chest and tried to push him away, but it only seemed to make him more excited. The old memories kept playing in her head, and made everything even worse. "Sir Leon is not here to keep you company… Maybe I could take his place, a pretty one like you shouldn't be left alone…" the brute whispered in her ear, as he tried to sneak wet, sloppy kisses on her neck that was hidden under the neckerchief.

 

_…His breath smells like old wine and rotten vegetables, and his rough beard leaves small marks on Merlyn's neck and jaw. The ragged blade against her underside of her jaw is covered in her tears and small driblets of her blood. His rough hands roam all over her hips, legs, breasts that are no longer covered as the blue fabric was ripped just a few minutes ago…_

 

"I see no ring on your finger, so it makes you free to be taken… It is perfectly normal for us knights to share," he continued louder this time and grabbed her behind so tight it was almost painful, grinding his hips on hers. Merlyn felt his arousal and began to panic. The blade slipped from her hand to the floor, she whimpered quietly as his teeth bit into her shoulder through the fabric. She tried to trash in his hold, but he didn't budge.

"Let me go, please!" She cried and tried again to push him away, but Valiant was too busy with his own aroused state of mind to even notice. Merlyn tried to get a hold of her magic, but it was caged somewhere deep inside her. She could not even feel in properly. Merlyn tried to squirm more, but he just grabbed her throat and squeezed hard, trying to keep her quiet and still. Her breath hitched and her face was slowly turning red with the lack of air.

 

_…"Please, don't…" a ragged sob breaks the silence as the calloused, dirty hands spread her legs and something touches her between her legs. She still has her trousers on, but the hands on her body are becoming impatient. He uses force, tries to pry the fabric off. She fights, kick and scratches, but he's stronger, he rips the fabric off, leaving it in shreds on her shaking legs…_

"I mean, who would they believe, lass? Me, a future knight, or you, the harlot of one of the knights?" He purred against Merlyn neck. She struggled, trying to fight the tears that were forming in her closed eyes. His rough hand were lowering to the backs of her thighs. Suddenly he grabbed them and wrapped her legs around him, pushing her on the table. That's when she finally managed to push the memories away and let out a furious scream. _A harlot?! I'll show you a harlot, you bloody cunt!_

She grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled his head up. The man clearly thought that she was finally playing along as his lips were spread in a wide smile, but it vanished quickly when he saw Merlyn's face. There were no playfulness, no enjoyment - only anger. She gritted her teeth together and yanked his face down, smashing her forehead against his nose. She heard the satisfying sound of bone breaking and him yell in surprise and pain. Valiant scrambled backwards and let Merlyn jump off the table. Merlyn slammed the heel of her boot in his toes, and in the same movement brought the knee of her other leg up, smashing it against the man's jaw when he was about to reach down to his toes. He fell almost unconscious on the floor, so Merlyn decided to run from the scene. But when she stormed out of the armory, she came face to face with Leon and Arthur. They were running toward the armory holding their swords out and faces full of rage and panic.

Leon noticed her first and sped up. "Merlyn!" He reached Merlyn only seconds after and let his blade drop as he bend forward to see her face better. She really was a sigh that moment - her bun had opened and her hair was a complete mess, her neckerchief had loosened and the skin on her neck was starting to bruise, and the left shoulder of her tunic was ripped completely, showing her pale skin a bit too much. Merlyn face had blood on it from Valiant's broken nose. "What happened? We heard shouting when we were looking for you," the knight pulled his cape off while he was speaking and draped it over her. That was when she realized that she was actually shaking like a leaf.

Arthur gave her a quick glance from head to toe before storming to the armory. Merlyn just shook her head to Leon. She was usually such a strong person, but those situations.. they were too much for anyone. "I…" her voice was hoarse because of the strangling Valiant had done. "I'm fine. Or- or I will be." The words had no effect as the knight just pulled her into his arms and held tight. Merlyn heard loud crashes and shouting from the armory, and turned around just in time to see Arthur run out to them.

"Run! His shield, it's alive!" Was the only thing the prince had time to yell before Valiant emerged from the building. His face was covered in blood and had a furious look in his eyes. The man was holding a swords and a shield - a shield that had three hideous, huge snakes coming out of it and hissing loudly.

Valiant pointed a sword at Merlyn and roared, "you goddamn _whore_! I'll kill you!" And ran forward. Leon grabbed Merlyn by the arm and started to pull her away, but she did not move. With a grim determination she flung the cape away and grabbed Leon's sword from its sheath. Valiant stopped when Merlyn started to walk forward with the blade in her hand and laughed hard. "You want to fight me? You, a defenseless  little _girl!_ " He sneered and swirled the sword in his hand. Merlyn smirked cruelly at his words.

"I think you are mistaken, sir. Let me introduce myself to you," she said and bowed a bit, "my name is Merlyn and I'm the prince's advisor… and the final test." With that, she too swirled her sword to relax her wrist and dropped to a better stance. Valiant was frozen in shock, so Merlyn took her chance to attack the snakes. With a quick slash with the blade, one of the snakes lost its head. It rolled to her feet and she picked it up just to toss it to Leon. "Take it to Gaius! He needs it to cure Evan!" Merlyn ordered as she parried a furious attack from the cheating bastard. Leon left running without arguing and that left Merlyn and Arthur to fight Valiant. It would have been brutally easy if the man was not carrying a shield with deathly snakes coming out of it. It was just a bloody fantastic situation.

"Any brilliant ideas, _Mer_ lyn?" Hissed Arthur, as he pulled her back when one of the two remaining snakes tried to bite her. Apparently losing one of their own made the snakes angry, so they were moving faster than before and snapping their jaws relentlessly. Valiant had started moving after Merlyn had cut off the first snake, and while he really wasn't as talented as she was, her attacks were worth nothing if the man had his shield.

Merlyn wiped the sweat from her brow and ducked again when one hissing creature came a bit too close for her liking. She glanced at Arthur and smirked wickedly, "not really, sire. Just trying not to get killed." Arthur huffed at her, but she saw the small smile on his lips as the prince slashed at the other snake. Valiant was not even trying to use his sword, he just jerked his shield around and tried to get the snakes to bite them.

Finally, after the umpteenth time she almost got bitten, Merlyn found an opening. She rolled beneath the snakes and hooked her foot around Valiant's ankle - much like she had done to Arthur when they had their first fight. But unlike then, this time her opponent managed to react; Valiant fell, but before he landed on his back, he swung his blade in a wide arch that cut Merlyn's freshly healed cheek. She let out a surprised cry and spun away as the shield flew off Valiant's hold to her direction. But gladly Arthur was there just a second later and swung his sword at the creatures, cutting both in half at the same time. The next place his blade went, was the chest of Valiant. The yellow, now lifeless shield clattered to the ground only a feet from Merlyn.

Merlyn let out a breathless laugh and slumped to the ground on her back, legs and arms spread wide. "Oh, I'm going to regret saying this, but thank god you were here, sire," she panted and turned her head to the prince. He stared at her with eyebrows nearly in his hair and eyes wide. "Oh, come on. Don't let it go to your head. I'll hate you again tomorrow, I'm just glad to be alive right now," she grumbled and rolled to her stomach. With a great deal of difficulty, she pushed herself to her knees and slowly got up. Arthur came to her and grabbed her chin between his thumb and forefinger, angling her head back to see her face.

He studied her face for few seconds, tilting it to the side to see her cheek. "Hm. Seems you'll be getting another scar on your face," he mused quietly and looked up to her dark eyes. Arthur's face was carefully blank, she could see it, but his eyes looked troubled. Merlyn didn't give that any thought, however, just huffed at his words and pulled away.

"Well, I apologize, _sire,_ if my face with all the scars don't reach the level you find pretty," she snapped and flipped her hair back, "but you really should try to keep your thoughts to yourself when they are not nice." And promptly stomped away from him. She was getting extremely tired of Arthur and his thoughtless words. Even if Merlyn was around men all the time and never cared about looking pretty, words like that felt bad. She was still human and had feelings. "Stupid bloody _prat_ …" was muttered on her way back to the castle.

She made a quick trip to the physician and met Leon there. The knight was almost frantic and thought for a second that the prince was dead because Merlyn came alone, but luckily she managed to get him to understand that only Valiant and the snakes were dead. Gaius also told her that the antidote was successful, and Sir Evan should wake by the morning. He wouldn't be able to attend the training for a week, but would live. The physician also stitched up Merlyn's cheek and Leon left to inform the king what had happened if the prince hadn't already done it. And then, finally after almost an hour of telling Gaius everything that happened, she found herself wrapped tight in her thick blanket and falling fast asleep.

 

***

_She was having a great time at the tavern. She may not have a lot of friends, but at least the one she does have is good company. She had just turned fifteen winters - it is January and extremely cold. Merlyn's friend is passed out in front of her, not responding to anything. He's snoring loud, and they were getting dirty looks from people but none had the guts to yell at them - the people know who they are. Gregor would not be pleased if his two best workers were thrown out of their local tavern as he practically owns it - or well, owns the owner at least._

_"Alright you, stay here. I'll go see if I can find help to carry you," Merlyn says laughing at the boy and taps his head lightly. Well, he was almost a man but to her he would always be that fifteen year old boy who had taken her under his wing._

_Merlyn gets up from the table and walks to the back room where she saw few people of their group go earlier that day. It is mostly quiet now, dark and a bit creepy to be honest, but Merlyn had never been scared of the dark. But now, she has a bad feeling. The room is empty right now, only a fireplace illuminating the room._

_That feeling turns out to be true, when a man walks to her, eyes glinting maliciously and a cruel grin on his face._

_Soon she is cornered, pinned against a table and hands grabbing her hips tight. So tight that they would be bruising the next day. A smelly, greasy mouth latches on hers and his tongue pushes forcefully in her mouth. She tries to push him away, tries to use her magic but it is like everything in her freezes. He pushes her on her back on the table, pulling her legs up and gropes her crotch too roughly._

_The man grabs fistfuls of the fabric of Merlyn's tunic and rips it, leaving her torso bare. His breath smells like old wine and rotten vegetables, and his rough beard leaves small marks on Merlyn's neck and jaw. The ragged blade against her underside of her jaw is covered in her tears and small driblets of her blood. His rough hands roam all over her hips, legs, breasts that are no longer covered as the blue fabric was ripped just a few minutes ago._

_"Please, don't…" a ragged sob breaks the silence as the calloused, dirty hands spread her legs and something touches her between her legs. She still has her trousers on, but the hands on her body are becoming impatient. He uses force, tries to pry the fabric off. She fights, kick and scratches, but he's stronger, he rips the fabric off, leaving it in shreds on her shaking legs._

_Merlyn can't feel her magic, it feels like its caged somewhere deep inside her. Her eyes flicker gold but nothing happens, everything about her is frozen. "Please, stop," she sobs, hands on the man's chest trying to push him away but nothing happens._

_"We're going to have a good time, lass," he smirks and she smells the wine again and it makes her gag, disgusted and afraid. He is looming over her and comes closer…_

Merlyn woke up, screaming.

**A**

 

It's the middle of the night, and Arthur is still wide awake. He hasn't been able to relax since Valiant was discovered. He was not afraid, no way, but had something nagging in his brain. What had happened between Valiant and Merlyn? The girl had run out of the armory looking so scared and disheveled, but had closed off almost immediately and never said anything to him. Maybe she spoke to Leon? Those two seemed to be quite close now. Not that Arthur cared, but he had noticed. He had also noticed how Merlyn seemed to loath to spend any time with the prince, never really saying anything but insults of him not being a good prince or future king. It hurt, Arthur could admit that - he had always tried so hard to be a good leader but if what she had said was true, was he really? Yes, he knew that tormenting the servants was terrible and he should not do it, but… it was _fun._

Arthur jolted up from his bed when he heard the scream. It sounded so terrified that he was out the door in seconds, running toward the sound. He ended up outside of Merlyn's door and heard her broken sobs and heavy breathing even through the thick wooden door. He pressed his ear against the door and listened for any signs of danger. But the only thing he heard, was Merlyn cursing her nightmares quietly and apparently rolling in her bed. Arthur almost knocked, but changed his mind quickly and headed back to his own chambers. He did like the girl, but didn't really know how to be around her. Merlyn was so closed off, never talking and didn't let anyone close to her. Arthur knew that she could be a wonderful person if she just relaxed. He understood that she probably had a bad past so she was afraid of trusting anyone, but it made it hard to work with her.

Just a few days ago the king had said some weird things at dinner. Arthur had once again complained about Merlyn to Morgana and ranting of her insolence and idiotic remarks, when his father had suddenly started laughing and saying that Arthur had _feelings_ for the girl?! The statement was ridiculous for a number of reasons; the first one being that Arthur hated her. Merlyn was rude, cold, annoyingly witty and extremely sarcastic. She did not treat him like a prince or a leader, but like any other person she knew. And she was a commoner, so they could never be. His father had gone on and on about it, and Morgana looked like her birthday had come early. Arthur had left quickly - _not blushing!_ And then he had heard Merlyn and Leon talk about it, and how Merlyn was completely appalled of the idea. Was she really so disgusted of him?

Arthur didn't really sleep that night because his thoughts seemed to be running in circles, so he was a bit grumpy the next morning when the trainees' final test started. The plan was simple - he would fight against everyone and those who survived one minute against him would then go against Merlyn. She would meet everyone one by one, so her being the final test would surprise them all and no one could see her fighting style before their turn. It was weird for Arthur to let someone else be the final test, but had remembered Merlyn's words about not underestimating the opponent. A lot of men - including Arthur himself - never took a girl seriously. It was a bad way to think, but it was too rare to see a woman on the battlefield to actually get used to it.

 

"Alright men, it's time for your final tests! You'll face me first, and those of you who survive one minute against me, will go through to fight our secret weapon!" He announced when he stopped in front of the remaining men. There were seven of them now that Valiant was no more, and all of them were promising. There was Hugo, who had showed great skill from the beginning, Nicholas who was young but very smart and learned his opponent's style fast, Jackson who had great strength, Albyn who was extremely fast, Donald and Thomas, the twins, who had been training with their father for years before coming to Camelot and then Charles who had an interesting way of fighting. Arthur was looking forward to spar with each of them, but already had a sneaking suspicion that at least one of them would not make it. He had promised that those who would not get through could stay there and try again later. It was not a normal thing to do, but they really needed more men.

The first five - Hugo, Donald, Thomas, Nicholas and Albyn - survived against the prince and made it to the knights, but then Charles failed. He was devastated and quite angry about not making it the first time around, but after a minute of convincing him to stay, he relented and left the grounds to sulk in his room for a while. Jackson too almost made it, but fell on his back in the last few seconds. He took it much better than Charles, but also left so he didn't have to see who'd make it. The remaining five men were ecstatic to get a chance to see, who was the skilled, unconventional weapon that Camelot's knights had. Arthur had a hard time on keeping his smile hidden as he pictured their faces. The men were led away for a while to rest before their last fight, and then Merlyn appeared to the training grounds. Like every time Merlyn came to his line of sight, Arthur had to fight not to stare and gawk like an idiot.

Today, she was dressed in a white plain tunic and had one of her leather mails over it. She had not worn any mails or had any weapons on her for almost a week as they were trying to keep her job hidden from the trainees, so now that she had them again she looked amazing. And like every other time, Arthur was surprised of his own thoughts - but he was still a man, so it wouldn't be so weird. Right? But the only thing that made Arthur gulp a bit was her face; she looked very pissed off. If she really had had nightmares and bad ones at that, it would not be such a surprise for her to be in a bad mood. She usually was in a foul mood and never said anything, but this was something different - she actually looked like she wanted to murder someone. Arthur just hoped that the girl knew where to stop while she was fighting against the trainees.

Deep blue eyes landed on his, and the cold look on them made the prince shiver and the hairs on his neck to stand up. "Are they ready, sire?" Merlyn asked. Her voice was void of emotion, and actually made him rather nervous. He nodded and watched as Merlyn made her way to the side so the first man would not see her right away. Even when she was in one of her moods, she seemed to enjoy the situation of being the surprise opponent.

Arthur cleared his throat, "right. Get ready, Merlyn. Bring in Albyn!" He ordered in a loud voice, so the knights would hear him better. It took the trainee almost a minute to appear in front of him. He obviously tried to keep his face blank, but his eyes betrayed his fear. "So, Albyn, the son of Tregor. Are you ready to meet your final opponent?" He asked formally and received a stern nod. The prince motioned Merlyn to come closer and as she did, Albyn burst to a loud laughter. Arthur had a hard time not to slap him for his disrespect and it looked like Merlyn did too as her jaw was ticking in annoyance. Arthur felt bad for Albyn - he would pay for his reaction.

"I'm sorry, my lord, but are you serious?" The man snickered as he looked at Merlyn, eyes filled with mirth. "Am I to believe that the warrior you all have been talking about is _her?_ " Merlyn gritted her teeth so tight that the prince heard them grind together. If a look could kill, Albyn would be pushing up daisies right now. But the only thing Arthur did was to step back and give a nod to the servant taking care of keeping the time.

Merlyn was the one to take a few steps back before drawing her sword. Albyn only hung his loosely in his hand, clearly not taking it seriously. That attitude lasted for about five seconds - after the servant turned the hourglass over, Merlyn was nothing but a blur of vicious, angry strikes. Albyn actually let out a startled cry when she attacked, but he did a fine job of keeping her away. He did eventually land on his backside after a particularly nasty hit of Merlyn's boot on his stomach, but passed the test just barely. Albyn was in a complete loss of words as he sat on the ground with his mouth open and eyes wide, staring at Merlyn who was barely breathless after if, only wiped her blade clean of dirt and sheathed it, stepping to the side again. When Albyn finally recovered, he sent a shocked but awed look to the prince, who just wiggled his eyebrows once at him and waved him to the side to wait for the rest of the men to finish.

Three of the men reacted about the same as Albyn did, and every last one of them got the same, brutal treatment from her. And they all seemed to lose their wits after the minute was up, as they didn't even congratulate her of beating them to dust. Merlyn seemed to relax a bit after every fight, even if she still looked like she wanted to kill.

The only exception was Hugo. When it was his turn he didn't react the way the others did, he actually seemed like he had known it from the start, as he just gave the girl a respectful nod before their fight. He fought the best out of everyone, and even Merlyn seemed surprised of how well he managed to hold on. But finally, Merlyn did the same trick to him as she had done to Arthur - she dove between his legs and tripped him, making the man fall on his face. Hugo was not as fast as Arthur had been, so he didn't manage to get up before Merlyn had the tip of her blade against his throat. Merlyn even helped him up after he yielded, something she hadn't done to the others.

 

Arthur clapped his hands to them, waving the others closer. "Congratulations to everyone! You have made it, and you will be accepted to the knights and knighted by the end of today!" He announced, making the men cheer loud and jump up and down with excitement. "You must remember today's lesson; never, _ever,_ underestimate you opponent. I too made that mistake and paid it with my pride when Merlyn was appointed to the part of my advisor and knight in all but name by my father," he admitted and saw the confused looks on the men, but didn't explain further. "Now go bathe and relax, for tonight you will be knights of Camelot and the feast will be one to remember!"

The new knights left the grounds almost running, excited of succeeding in their goals. Arthur and Merlyn were the only one left behind, as the others had already left earlier to get ready. The prince turned to Merlyn then, studying her face for a moment. The cut on her cheek didn't look as bad as it had yesterday, but she still seemed to be in her own world. "Merlyn, would you tell me what happened with Valiant?" He asked, worried that she would snap at him like she always did.

Merlyn spun around to face him properly. "Why would I? Do you even care?" She asked in a hard, accusing voice that made Arthur wince a bit. He hadn't given her any attention in the weeks she had been in Camelot, so the accusation was spot on. "It's not like you even notice if I'm around, so why don't you just mind your own business and leave me the hell alone. I need no man to complicate my life," she added and stormed off leaving Arthur to gape after her. Yes, he could admit that he had been treating Merlyn poorly but it didn't explain her reaction. She needed no man to complicate her life? Arthur definitely was not courting her, just tried to talk. Maybe this was one of those time Arthur should just leave her alone for a while, so he would not be at the receiving end of her fury.

 

***

 

Before the ceremony, Arthur decided to get some advice on women. Well, on Merlyn to be exact. And the only one he could ask was his _dear_ sister, who seemed to have answers to everything. Even when Arthur was a teenager and Morgana just eleven, the prince had gone to her for advice on how to deal with his first crush. The crush had been a thirty-something noblewoman, so her advice had been mostly laughing, but still.

"Morgana?" He called as he knocked on the door. The princess bid him in a moment later, sitting in front of her vanity when he walked in. Arthur had to snort a bit when he saw how messy her room was; there were dresses and shoes covering every inch of her bed and floor. "Trouble finding a dress that get's you all the attention of my new knights?" Morgana flipped a cruel, unlady-like finger to him, but smiled anyway.

The girl patted the only empty chair in the room as a sign for him to sit. "What brings you to my humble chambers? I certainly hope it's not just to tease me of my dresses," she asked as her brother flopped down on the chair. The prince in question sighed and shook his head, combing his hair idly with his fingers. "Is this about Merlyn… again?"

He let out a bark of laugh, but nodded sheepishly and heard Morgana's annoyed sigh. "No, no, just hear me out," pleaded Arthur as he lift his eyes to his sister. The girl stared back with a raised brow and with a fed up expression. "I'm not here to complain-, well yes I'm here to complain, but not-, ah, not like… " he didn't really know how to explain his thoughts. He wanted advice on how to deal with Merlyn. He first thought that keeping his distance would be the best way to go, but apparently Merlyn hated it. Even Arthur knew that it made him seem even more arrogant. Sure, they talked and bantered in training, but mostly he just ignored her. "I just wanted to ask, how should I act around her. I truly thought that me keeping away would be the best way, as she does not seem to even like me. Or respect me."

Morgana pressed her lips in a tight line, when Arthur proceeded to tell about how Merlyn had acted after the Valiant incident, how she go mad about his words about the cut and then after the final test snapped to him again about seemingly nothing. He also told about the playful banter they had at training, but how it never continued outside the training grounds. When the prince was almost finished talking, Morgana already looked like she wanted to slap him hard. "Alright, just tell me. What have I done wrong?"

"What have you done wrong, you ask?" She hissed and then actually slapped the side of his head, prompting a startled yelp out of the knight. "Well, first you treat her like air. Then you practically say that she'll look worse with a new scar. Then you ask something that does not take that long to figure out like it's nothing! _Are you seriously that arrogant, idiotic wanker?!_ " The last question was screamed to high-pitched that Arthur was momentarily worried of the windows.

"What do you mean it's easy to figure out? How am I supposed to know what Valiant did to…" his accusation stopped abruptly, when an image of Valiant… _touching_ Merlyn popped into his mind. _Oh, dear._ "Oh," he breathed and slumped in his chair. He had not thought of that. Not when Merlyn was such a strong person, physically at least. It was difficult to think of her being weak in any way, let alone defenseless against someone like Valiant.

"Why would she not defend herself? She does know how…" Arthur asked quietly, mostly talking to himself. Millions of disgusting images rolled in his head and he could not push them away. Now it made a bit more sense what she had said. _I need no man to complicate my life,_ those were her exact words after her last fight. Arthur had originally thought that she was just talking about men in general, like when she had yelled to the knights about flocking around her like 'mindless buffoons'. But she had actually talked about men, who treated her badly.

Morgana sighed wearily, and placed a hand gently on his. "I don't have my own experience of… _that,_ but I have met a lot of girls that do have," she murmured, looking out of the window while lightly squeezing Arthur's hand. "They say it's the most scary situation they could imagine. You might freeze completely, you might lose your consciousness, you might me tied up… Some say it's more awful than being afraid of their lives, because after being violated like that… you'd have to _live._ " Now that made Arthur blanch and swallow hard. He too had seen women who had suffered the same fate, but never thought anything of it. Never thought what it could do to a person, at least. "Most of them survive, though, get on with their lives and actually live. But for some… it haunts them."

Arthur had no words anymore. He was utterly ashamed of his mindless behavior - not only had he practically insulted Merlyn right after her time with Valiant, he had tried to pry the information from her without a proper thought of her feelings. Even if Arthur was the prince and was arrogant and all that, he still had a conscience and could feel bad. Well, now he felt _terrible_. He prided himself of treating women well, but apparently had failed when it came to Merlyn. He could try to excuse himself of saying that she was not very lady-like and everything, but he shouldn't. It was still wrong.

"Uh. Well, do you have any ideas on how to actually do something good? It sounds like I only mess up everything," he huffed and rubbed the heels of his palms on his eyes. Morgana snorted next to him and stood up, pulling him up too. Arthur let his hands drop and just stared at his sister with tired eyes. The princess had a genuine, sweet smile on her face.

"You should just treat her like a person, like a girl. Do not treat her just like a warrior, but as a _female warrior._ That's what she is, not just the one or the other."


	6. The time between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wrote the chapter that comes after this first, but noticed how it had a huge amount of things that could confuse you (mostly because of Arthur's thoughts and flashback memories), so I decided to write this. It mostly focuses on the relationship of Merlyn and Arthur between the Valiant incident and the thing happening next :) This one is a bit... Well, it jumps a lot, but it's roughly a months time, showing some bigger events, and their interactions.

It had been two weeks since the new knights had joined them, and Merlyn still hadn't made any friends. It was not that they weren't trying, because they really were. Especially Charles and Thomas. They both seemed to have some kind of a delusion that Merlyn being a girl meant that she was open for taking. Which she wasn't, and she certainly would not get involved with the knights. It would become way too messy, and Merlyn did not want that. She had no interest in men at the moment, because her previous lover… well, it did not end so well. The wound was still too fresh.

But it did not stop Charles or Thomas. The former was more subtle. He helped her with sharpening her swords, carried stuff for her without asking and offered to escort her to everywhere. Merlyn usually declined his offer to escort, because the times were always filled with awkward silence, or Charles chattering about something that really did not interest Merlyn at all.

Then there was Thomas. _Oh, poor Thomas._ The man was completely smitten and was not afraid to show it. It had turned quite distracting at one point when he would just stare at her at training and then would have to visit Gaius because Arthur hit him with a mace because he was not paying attention. After that it had became a bit more subtle, but still not enough. He would ask servants to bring flowers to Merlyn's room, bring her gifts like sweets or new clothes - some of them Merlyn had actually taken, because they were quite nice - and one time even bought her a new sword from Gwen's father, Tom the blacksmith. That was one gift Merlyn had taken readily and actually thanked. The sword was beautiful and Thomas said it was the best Tom had ever made. The balance was magnificent and it was quite beautiful. She kept it safe and decided to only use it if her old one became too worn. She had told the man, that she was not interested, but he just would not give up.

But other than that, she spent most of her days alone. Well, Margaret was with her a lot when she spent time in her chambers and the maid was there cleaning them. But then there was Morgana.

Almost exactly week after the knighting ceremony, Morgana had invited Merlyn to her chambers and Gwen informed that 'the princess would not take a no for an answer, and would drag Merlyn to her herself if she would not come willingly'. It had made Merlyn actually chuckle, but she had agreed. So, almost a month after Merlyn had saved the princess and the king in the woods, the warrior took a step forward and tried to spend time with someone other than Margaret or Leon. Merlyn had come to the decision that she should at least try to be friendly. She could rant and yell about Arthur not changing his ways all the time, but if Merlyn never tried either, it would stay like this forever. Maybe if Merlyn tried, then Arthur would try too. _Not that I care, he still cannot be the Once and Future King,_ Merlyn thought and rolled her eyes as she listened the prince yell at George again when they walked past her chambers.

 

Early that afternoon when the sun was still shining but the air was getting progressively colder as winter was coming closer, Merlyn made her way from her chambers to Morgana's. Normally, the princess' room would have been in the same wing where Arthur's and Merlyn's were, but the girl had wanted her own tower room above and to the left of Arthur's. It was on top of a spiral staircase, and the big window faced the courtyard too. The warrior knocked on the dark wooden door, and was let in by Gwen. Morgana was standing by the window, watching the new knights walk after Leon and learning the fastest routes around the castle. The men had been doing that non-stop for the last three days because they were apparently too slow to learn the routes in a day. Even the ever-patient Leon was getting annoyed.

"Ah, Merlyn, it is nice for you to finally agree to my invitation," Morgana said when she noticed Merlyn step in. Morgana waived her hand toward the chairs around her small dining table. Her room was different from Merlyn's - all the fabrics were in white, grey and blue, and they were lighter and much more expensive than Merlyn had. She had a huge four-poster bed, a small white vanity next to the window and a wardrobe that was bursting with dresses and other clothes. Merlyn briefly wondered if the princess actually wore all of them.

The witch sat on one of the chairs and scoffed quietly. "It is quite hard to decline when one threatens to drag me here by force," she retorted with a small grin and heard Morgana hum in a very pleased fashion. The princess whispered something to Gwen and the maid left as the dark-haired girl sat in front of Merlyn. "Mind telling me why you are so adamant about me visiting?" The question made Morgana blush a bit, but her expression never changed from the small, wicked smile. Morgana had been asking Merlyn to come by at least once a day but Merlyn had always declined, either saying she had duties or just bluntly saying she didn't want to.

The princess cleared her throat slightly before speaking again. "Well. I'm sure you have noticed that there are only a few women living in the castle, and all of them are older ladies who love embroidery and idle gossip who bore me to bits. I don't really have any other friends here than Gwen, and I don't get to spend much time with her between her chores, so I'm very lonely," she explained and lowered her eyes to her hands, that were fiddling with the sleeves of her purple dress. "And I know very well that you are not really someone who's looking for friends, and you might not even _want_ any, but I'd really like to know you. Or even spend some time with you." Her lower lip stuck out a bit, making her look like a child that was denied anymore sweets.

Merlyn just sat there for a while, very uncomfortable and her eyes darting around the room. She had known that Morgana was a friendly girl and probably had an intelligent head on her shoulders, but Merlyn was not sure if they'd get along. Living in a kingdom that hunted her kind was dangerous in itself, but being friends with the royalty? That was one of the reason she was so terrible to Arthur all the time - and well, the man was an idiot - and Merlyn was not one to even _know_ how to be friends with anyone who was not a fighter. Leon was easier because they respected each other's privacy, had similar duties and were both fighters, but the princess had already shown that she was brave enough to pry about Merlyn's past, was not a soldier and was completely different from Merlyn. But… maybe that was exactly what she needed? Something different, that would make her relax and actually start being the real Merlyn - the cold, emotionless warrior everyone in Camelot knew was a carefully constructed façade that was really hard to let go.

Her dark eyes shifted finally back to Morgana, who was now staring at her with wide, pleading eyes. And for the first time, Merlyn genuinely smiled at her. A small smile, but it reached her eyes. Morgana let out a heavy breath and a small laugh. "So, is that a yes?" Merlyn nodded, and made the princess squeak in excitement. "Oh, that is wonderful! And I promise you, that if I ask something you don't want to speak of, just say the word and I will shut up," she vowed, eyes glinting earnestly. Merlyn snorted now, but nodded again. It was a relief to hear that the princess remembered her earlier mistakes and was prepared to do better, so Merlyn too could try.

"The questions don't bother me that much, but I might not tell you _everything_ ," Merlyn explained and sat a bit straighter, "it is nothing personal, but I don't trust anyone very easy. It might take some time for me to really open up. My past really hasn't been that great, so it has changed me a bit too much." Morgana nodded quickly, clearly understanding quite well.

"I won't say that I understand completely, but I have a good idea," the younger girl mused as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. "My life has always been quite easy to be honest, if you don't count my nightmares. They're quite terrifying." A small shiver ran through her body, and that Merlyn could understand. Her own nightmares have been horrible since she left the last group she lived with. Merlyn jumped a bit when Morgana suddenly clapped her hands together, breaking the serious moment. "But, enough of that. What I want to know, is something about you. I'm not saying anything huge, but… something. About your family? Friends? …lovers?"

Now Merlyn had to laugh, but it was more of a bitter one. "Ah, those really are not the best topics, but I guess there's nothing wrong of telling you," she said and shifted to a more comfortable position. "Well, I remember next to nothing about my parents. I know that my mother's name was Hunith, and that my father was a fugitive of some kind but that's about it. I sort of remember what they looked like, but I was around three winters when I last saw either of them." Morgana's expression had already changed into something that screamed sorrow and guilt of asking, so Merlyn waved a hand at her discomfort.

"It's fine, really. It was over fifteen years ago so I've moved on. But the part that still pretty much haunts me is the fact that I was kidnapped when I was three," her voice was more resigned now, and laced with anger. "I'm not going to speak about that _deranged bitch_ anything but that she made me do things I never wanted to do and she tried to make a weapon of me. She was the one to teach me how to fight." Merlyn had rehearsed telling this story for a few days now, just in case she could not just keep quiet.

Morgana had a hand on her mouth now. "What happened then?"

"I escaped when I was about twelve. But I fell into another bad place," Merlyn admitted fiddling with the hilt of her sword. "But that is something else I don't want to talk about. And as for friends or lovers… well, the only one that has ever been either of those things is probably dead by now, so there's too much pain in that topic. Maybe someday I can tell you of the man who was everything anyone would want, but to me still more of a brother at the end of the day," Merlyn smiled now, but it was a sad smile. She really did believe that the man was dead. Merlyn had seen him last almost nine months ago when she had escaped.

Morgana smiled back at her. "It's fine, really. I look forward to hearing about a man that has seen the real you," she joked and got an amused huff out of Merlyn. That was true, the man had been the only one to see the real Merlyn. Morgana was seeing bits and pieces in her now, but there was still so much more hidden underneath the mask she had created. Merlyn knew she was actually a compassionate, protective, energetic and a silly girl that loved the tavern and to play the dices. She did not know how to dance, but did it anyway, and enjoyed peaceful horse rides in any weather. It would take time for the people of Camelot to see all that and more, but it could be worth it - for them and for her. She really needed to move on.

"So, can you tell me what is going on with your brother?" Merlyn suddenly asked, attempting to change the subject and she was actually curious. "He has been acting extremely strange for the last week." The prince had been acting oddly towards Merlyn; he has been somewhat _nice_. In training he was still the arrogant ass he always was and never really even noticed her around the castle, but at patrols he was different. Maybe it was the lack of audience, because it was normally them two and maybe one or two knights, but the prince was actually talking to her. It was still a bit odd for Merlyn, so she had not said anything, only answered vaguely to his questions. She did, however, grin when a joke was funny and give her own opinion from time to time, when the subject was something interesting. Arthur had also started to help Merlyn with her things when they were on a longer patrol and needed to stop for a meal or something.

Now Morgana was actually looking a bit guilty, and shifting her eyes everywhere but to Merlyn. The warrior narrowed her own blue eyes. "Spill it, Your Highness." The corner of Morgana's mouth twisted upwards slightly.

"Well, I'm not sure if it's completely my doing, but…" she looked very unsure of the topic, but quite quickly squared her shoulders and took a deep, calming breath. "Okay, well. It started after Valiant." Merlyn face turned to stone at the mention of that bastard's name, and Morgana saw it. She rushed to explain. "Arthur came here after the last test and was… well, to be honest he was just acting like an idiot. He told me what had happened after Valiant was gone, and then what happened after the test. He did not realize that he had anything to do with your bad mood or what was going on, but I explained… " Morgana trailed off, but Merlyn got the point. The princess had probably explained what happened with Valiant in the armory. The witch still saw some nightmares of her past experience and now a bit of Valiant, but did not wake up in the middle of the night anymore. She hoped that the dreams would stop soon.

"Right," mumbled Merlyn. She placed her elbows against her knees and buried her face somewhere in her palms, groaning heavily. "So, now he pities me, is that it?" Merlyn asked in a muffled voice, getting a denying sound from Morgana as a response. She peeked under her hair, and saw how the princess had a mildly disapproving look on her face.

Morgana shook her head. "He does not pity you!" She exclaimed as she stood up from the stool and paced around her room. She was clearly mumbling something under her breath, but never said anything out loud. The warrior could only stare at her, baffled and not sure what to do. Then the princess stopped and faced her, eyes blazing with an emotion Merlyn did not recognize. "Why are you two so utterly stupid? You complain and insult each other all the time, but you actually barely talk! _Argh_ , I swear you'll be a perfect couple one day…" the younger girl said the last sentence barely audibly, but Merlyn heard it. Her jaw dropped and eyes bulged out of her head.

 _"A COUPLE?!"_ She screeched and made Morgana jump around. They stared at each other for a good minute, before the princess started to laugh so hard she fell on her bed and was clutching her stomach. Merlyn just gawked at her, completely shocked and could not muster a laugh or a word of any kind. A couple? _Her and Arthur_? What was it that made everyone seem to think either that Arthur had feelings for her or that they would be perfect for each other? Even when Merlyn had gone to meet Kilgharrah two nights ago, the goddamn overgrown lizard had called them 'two sides of the same coin' in an extremely suggestive tone. They were all wrong, so completely _wrong_. Other than the fact that Arthur had been kind of nice to her, there had been no other signs that said anything about other feelings than hate.

 

***

 

Two days later at first light, Merlyn was standing by the castle staircase with Saewig and gently stroking his neck. She and Arthur were scheduled to go take a quick, one day ride around the forest and countryside, just in case the bandits that were terrorizing the villages were still there. Merlyn was a bit baffled by the fact that they would be going alone - they had gone alone only once, but that was for few hours and it had been her third day there. But orders were orders, so here she was dressed in her brown, skintight leather pants, white tunic that was a bit too large and her mail. She had asked Margaret to do her hair, so it was on two tight braids hanging over her shoulders.

"Ready to go?" She heard Arthur call as he skipped the stairs down. A servant was already waiting with his horse, Hengroen. Different from the other patrols, this time the prince was only wearing his chainmail and armor, no cape or any other markers that showed where he was coming from. Merlyn had none, either.

She scoffed at him as she mounted Saewig. "I've been waiting for you for twenty minutes, I should be asking you that," Merlyn huffed. Arthur did not even answer, just gave her a smug grin that said 'I'm the prince, deal with it'. Rolling her eyes, Merlyn kicked her mount in to a trot and left him prepare his horse. Merlyn grinned a bit, when she heard him yell something unintelligent and race forward to catch her.

They rode in silence for almost three hours. The only things that were spoken were directions or informing the other about marks that indicated that someone had been moving there. Most of them were just animal marks, or too old footsteps. Then, almost three hours later Arthur called them to halt. "We probably should eat something," he mused as he dropped to the ground. Merlyn was not particularly hungry, but agreed with a curt nod. The man's face was carefully kept blank, which told her that he had something else in mind.

They tied their horses to a tree and sat on a fallen log. Arthur gave her some bread and cheese, before digging into his own. All the while, he was giving her sideways glances and looking like he wanted to say something. Soon, she had enough. "Okay, just say something," the warrior snapped and made Arthur jump a bit. "You've been giving me looks all this time and I cannot relax with that."

Arthur swallowed the piece of bread he had in his mouth. "Uh, yeah. I just wanted to ask how you were settling in Camelot?" He mumbled, frowning as he looked down at the apple he was rolling in his hands. "I know perfectly well that you don't like me, or pretty much anyone here, but for us to work together we should at least try."

Merlyn could not deny that. After she had moved to Camelot, she had been ranting about Arthur to herself or Gaius, but all the while she had too been a bit too stubborn. She did not want to tell everyone everything about herself, but maybe she could… be nice? However that worked, she had no idea. Merlyn sighed heavily, the annoyed look in her eyes dropping. "Yeah, I guess," she agreed. From the corner of her eye she saw Arthur's surprised look. "But after you've lived basically alone since you were three, only meeting people who either betray you, use you or try to kill you… it becomes hard to trust anyone."

A hand landed on her forearm for a second, but was quickly pulled away. "I'm sorry," he said, probably not sure what else to do. Merlyn just shrugged nonchalantly and bit into her apple as she took a better position on the log.

"It's fine. But you see, it's not that easy. And I've lived here for what, a month now? It will take more time than that," she stated and gave the impatient prince a pointed look while munching her apple. He grinned sheepishly but nodded, and focused now on his fruit too.

A sudden voice broke their silence, "Well, well, what do we have here? The prince of Camelot and his newest wench." Merlyn jumped to her feet and spun around with her sword already in hand before Arthur was on his feet. How did they recognize him? Arthur was not wearing any Camelot colors or sigils. "It had been fun following ya lot around, but it's time we get this over with," the clear leader of the bandit group announced and stepped forward from the men. _Ah, that explains it,_ she thought bitterly as her eyes roamed over the men. There were about a dozen big, armed men surrounding them so the odds were not good. The worst part was, that Merlyn knew she could take them if she could use her magic.

Arthur, ever the idiot, decided to step forward then and point the tip of his sword at the leader. "Why don't you let us go? If we are not back by tonight, there will be an army after you," said the prince. Merlyn wanted to slap him so bad - that would _not_ work! The bandits had the same idea apparently, as they only laughed and walked forward. The battle was not long, maybe two thugs lost their lives, when they were both tied up and gagged. Arthur was trashing wildly, but Merlyn just glared at the men.

The leader - Edgar, if she heard correctly - laughed cruelly as he crouched in front of Arthur. "Not so high and mighty now, are ya, princeling?" He taunted with a wicked smirk. Arthur yelled something against his gag, but no one understood him. They just chuckled darkly at him, but seemed to be annoyed by his yelling and struggling so one of the men smashed the hilt of a dagger against the back of Arthur's head, knocking him down.

Now Merlyn was smiling behind her gag.

"How 'bout you, lass?" Edgar sneered as he walked to her. Merlyn's dark eyes were vigilantly following his movements, and she knew the man could see the smile on her lips despite the rag in her mouth. "What are you smiling 'bout there, hm? Still think the mighty prince will save ya?" he snickered. Merlyn heard the bellowing laugh of the other men behind her, but only raised an amused brow and mumbled against her gag. Edgar frowned at her, and after a few minutes of listening to her trying to talk, he pulled it out and waved a hand to her to talk.

The witch licked her lips slowly, before a wicked grin spread on her face. "I think you should be asking," Merlyn started with a sweet voice, "who's going to save _you?_ " Edgar's face fell a bit, but before he could say anything, Merlyn's eyes flashed and he was thrown backwards and the robes holding her fell. The others had no time to react properly before she had already summoned her blade to her right hand and a glowing ball of fire appeared around her left. The air crackled with energy as the wind picked up around them, throwing leaves and dirt around, making the thugs cover their eyes.

"So," she hummed as she turned to them, her eyes glowing gold, "who's first?" Clearly only the sight of a sorceress was enough for them, because no one moved. They just gaped at her, stared at her eyes and around them where the wind was howling and throwing dirt around. Merlyn was praying in her head that Arthur would stay unconscious long enough, when she released her magic and let it gather the storm clouds over their heads. A booming thunder sounded somewhere further away as Merlyn took a step toward the men. She knew she could not let any of them leave alive, and she did not like that thought.

 

***

 

Two hours later, Merlyn was stroking a small fire and keeping an eye on the still unconscious prince. The man really needed to wake up soon, if they wanted to get back to the citadel before the king actually sent out an army after them.

The fight between Merlyn and the bandits had been a quick one. They were all too scared to do anything, so she only had to sent their own blades to pierce their hearts and leave the scene. She hated killing like that, but Arthur's life was more important. Even if she did not believe him to be the right king, Merlyn was somewhat attached to the man. Sure, he was a prat and everything, but he was obviously trying his best. Or had been for the last week. And leaving the thugs alive would have been a risk she was not ready to take. If a word got out that the prince had a magical protector, Uther would start a witch-hunt faster than Merlyn could say witch.

A low groan brought her back to earth, and shift her eyes to the slowly moving man on her left. She grinned slightly when the pale eyes landed on her, confused and a bit unfocused. It took Arthur embarrassingly long to sit up to look around. "W-what? Where… what?" Merlyn snorted at his confusion and offered a waterskin to him.

"You got knocked out, the idiots left us unattended because they apparently did not believe I was a threat even after I killed one of them and I got us out. I was lucky that Saewig and Hengroen were close," she explained and waved a hand to the horses that were currently munching on some grass behind them. "I carried you to them, and rode away."

"You carried me," Arthur said, not really even asking and raised a brow at her.

She nodded and bit into her apple, "yeah. You really need to lose some of that weight if that needs to happen again." Arthur spluttered at her words, shocked.

"Are you calling me _fat?_ " The prince shouted, mouth open and eyes bulging. "Because I am _not_ fat!"

Merlyn grinned and threw an apple at him. "Tell that to my muscles when they hurt tomorrow, _sire_."

 

**A**

 

It was the end of November when Arthur noticed the change in Merlyn. Two weeks ago, she had been cold, emotionless warrior that never cracked a smile or laughed, never really showed any enjoyment when they were sparring or doing anything else. She was still that person, no doubt, but there was something else too. After Arthur had almost begged her to try when they were on their ride and she had apparently saved him once again, she _had_ changed - on patrols she was once in a while participating in their conversations, at training she sparred with the other knights too and not just Arthur or Leon, and even spent some time with one of the new knights, Sir Hugo. Those two shared some kind of an understanding about… well, everything and it seemed like Hugo was actually treating her like a superior. When Arthur asked about it, Hugo just said that her being a girl among the knights and actually being better than most of them was a great reason to respect her. And technically she was their superior because as an advisor to the prince, she was on the same rank as Leon.

But the biggest change was between her and Arthur. Merlyn obviously still thought that he was an arrogant prince and they still argued - a lot. But most of their time together was now almost enjoyable. They bantered, insulted each other back and forth, but it was now more playful and not angry like it had been before. She still had her bad days when she wanted to dismember some of the training dummies, and he still had his days of bellowing to everyone about nothing, but they made it work. Sort of.

"Oh, shut up, you _dollop-head_!" Merlyn yelled and threw her scabbard at him before the prince could react. It hit him hard at his right temple, making him yelp in a very un-manly way.

"What was that for?" He grumbled as he rubbed his head. "I only meant that you could pick out just any one, they're all practically drooling over you." Merlyn scoffed and flopped on to the bench at the side. Arthur had no idea why the girl was so damn angry all of a sudden, when he was just stating a fact. All the knights and servants - and even some of the nobles - had their eyes on Merlyn. He had a bit of a hard time understanding that. Well, sure she was gorgeous and everything, but none of them really knew her. How could anyone like someone they knew nothing about?

Even he himself had no idea who she was. Arthur knew this warrior girl, who clearly had had a hard life and now knew nothing about being around people or getting to know them, but it could not be just that. Surely she had something in her life that brought her joy, or some loved ones or _something._ The prince had subconsciously made it his mission to see the real Merlyn, if that person existed anymore.

Merlyn used her sword to get some of the grass from her boots. "It's not that, I just…" she fell silent for a moment before sighing heavy and lowering the blade. "I'm not interested. That's all." Arthur just hummed at her, frowning when she was looking away. That was how she talked, only giving vague answers that were not really answers at all. It was hard for any of them to form a connection to her. Morgana seemed to be the only one these days who was close to her, but even the princess knew next to nothing. Morgana had said, that Merlyn had told something of her past, but refused to tell Arthur. He understood, of course, but it still frustrated him.

"Care to tell me why?" He took a risk to ask as he sat down next to her. "It's hard to believe that someone has no interest in finding love or at least something close to it."

Merlyn gave him a small, sad smile. "The only person I ever thought of as my friend or anything more than that died," she explained, eyes a bit unfocused. "That usually makes you lose hope to find anything even close to it."

Arthur chose to leave it at that, as the knights were already coming to them to start the training and it seemed that Merlyn was not really comfortable talking about this mystery person in her past. The prince had no chance to understand completely what she was talking about, but at least he knew when to shut up. Well, occasionally did.

"What's a dollop-head?" He got hit in the head again after that.

 

***

 

Arthur learned how to see the small changes in Merlyn's behavior - when she would not mind if someone came to her, when she would chop a limb off if anyone bothered her and when she just wanted some silence. The prince had taken it to himself to keep the others in line in training - well, all of them except Leon who never really talked to her on his own. They seemed to have a mutual understanding of personal space, something that Sir Thomas did not have. Arthur had been sending the man to see Gaius more than once in the three weeks he had been with them, just because he was distracted by Merlyn and never saw his opponents attacks coming. Or when he bothered Merlyn at a bad time and the girl sent him there herself.

The training had ended almost two hours ago, but Arthur and Merlyn had stayed behind. They had formed an unspoken agreement to stay behind or come earlier than the others. And sometimes, when Arthur found her killing the dummies, he joined her and let Merlyn vent her feelings at him - it usually ended with her sleeping quietly that night and him seeing Gaius to take care of his bruises. But seeing how it made her feel better to have someone be there for her - even if he never actually comforted her or anything -, he was fine with the bruises and small cuts. They were worth it.

He landed on his back hard, with a tip of a sword on his neck. Arthur stared at it for a moment before looking up at his attacker. The deep blue eyes were almost glowing again, because of the sun that was peeking between the heavy white clouds and because of the excitement of battle. The warrior's lips were curled in a genuine, happy and gleeful grin as she pulled the blade away. "You're getting slow, sire," Merlyn huffed and offered a hand to him. He grabbed it, but instead of letting her pull him up, he leaned back and pulled her to the ground with him. She yelped in surprise and landed half on the ground and halfway on top of him, making him chuckle breathlessly, a bit winded from the impact.

"Oh you're going to pay for that," he heard her groan and get up a bit, before pulling out some grass and stuffing it at his face. The prince yelped now, spluttering out the grass that got in his mouth. He growled playfully and gripped her hips, spinning them around so she was now on her back. He tickled her mercilessly, actually hearing her laugh out loud for the first time they have known each other. And it had been what, two and a half months now?

Merlyn pushed his chest trying to get him up, still laughing. "Get off me, you ass! This is no way to treat a girl!" She screamed and Arthur took his chance to stuff some grass in her mouth too. She spluttered but managed to push him off the same time. Arthur rolled away and sat a few feet from her. Merlyn's hair was covered in grass and flying unruly around her face. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold air and laughter, and she looked like an absolute mess as she sat up finally.

Arthur thought she could not look more beautiful.

 

***

 

When they finally got back from a week long patrol, Arthur was basically dragged by Merlyn to Gaius to check the cut he had on his arm better. He had tried to explain that it was not that bad, but even he could see the start of an infection around it - and it was not pretty. But it was refreshing to see Merlyn acting so worried for once. Well, Merlyn acting worried was more like her insulting Arthur more than before and ranting about him being an idiot. It just made him chuckle silently. Even after two months of living in Camelot and spending most of her time with him, Merlyn knew how to surprise him. She did not think of him as a friend yet, but they were getting closer.

Gaius was in the middle of cleaning his table when they came in. "And what happened this time?" He asked with that scary eyebrow raised, making Arthur wince a bit. He was just about to say 'nothing', but Merlyn beat him to it and explained the accident with a lot more color than it really had.

"I was not daydreaming. Merlyn! I am not a _girl_!" Arthur exclaimed as he sat on the stool. The physician looked between the two for a minute before he went to his work, all the while shaking his head to them. Gaius seemed to see them as bickering siblings these days.

Merlyn crossed her arms and raised a brow, mimicking Gaius frighteningly well. "Well, I am a girl but I did not get hurt, you prat," she huffed, but then grinned wickedly, "you don't have the skill to concentrate on more than one thing like I do. We'll work on that." And promptly vanished from the room before the prince had a time to retort. He scoffed and then grimaced as Gaius started to clean his wound.

"That girl is going to be the death of me," Arthur muttered to the old man and got a silent chuckle back. "I mean, really! Sure she's a great fighter, but worrying about her during a battle got me this cut now, so what next?"

After cleaning the wound, Gaius spread some kind of foul-smelling paste on in and started to wrap it tight. "If she is such a skilled fighter, why do you worry?" The physician inquired and gave the younger man a knowing look under his bushy eyebrows. That made Arthur pause and frown at himself. Why _did_ he worry? He knew how good Merlyn was and how well she knew how to take care of herself.

Eventually, he just shrugged. "She's a girl. Of course I'm worried," he answered nonchalantly and earned a silent scoff from Gaius. The prince gave him a puzzled look, but the old man said nothing and just kept on bandaging the wound and humming quietly with a small smile on his lips.

 

***

 

"So, how are we going to flush them out?" Sir Leon asked as they were staring at the maps spread on the table in the small council chambers Arthur had taken to him and the knights to use. "There has to be at least twenty or more bandits there, we cannot let any of them run away."

There had been reports of a large group of brutal bandits near the villages that were on the edge of the Forest of Ascetir, a bit over a week after they got back from their last long patrol. The villagers were terrified of the thugs - they were stealing all their harvest, destroying their houses, and sometimes even kidnapping young men and women with them to train or to… _use_. It was absolutely horrible, and king Uther had given Arthur the order to get rid of the bandits once and for all. Arthur and the knights had immetiadly started the planning, eager to get rid of the thugs and hopefully rescue the victims.

Hugo had been staring at nothing for minutes now, before he finally piped up, eyes firmly on the prince. "If they see an army of knights coming closer, they'll kill their captives and run. We can't be sure we can catch all of them." A few agreeing murmurs and nods came from around the table where the others were standing and sitting. Not all of the knights were there, only those who Arthur trusted the most. Most of them were older knights that had been with him for years, but there were also some new ones like Hugo, Nicholas and Donald. And Merlyn, of course. Even if she wasn't the 'advisor of the prince', Arthur would let her join. She had become a permanent part of the knights lives, so it would be idiotic to keep her away.

There was a sound of someone clearing their throat. Arthur looked to his right where Merlyn was sitting and raised a brow at her. "Oh, please tell me you have some amazing idea," he sighed. Merlyn had been fairly useful during these meetings, but she still rarely spoke up. Now, she was smirking slightly, which was never a good sign because it was always a sign of a stupid idea that meant she would be in danger. She stood up, spun around and jumped to sit on the table, propping her other foot on the chair she had been sitting. She was almost in front of the prince now that she was on the table, and Arthur had to fight hard to keep himself from thinking of that.

"Well, it's fairly simple, is it not?" Merlyn asked as she placed her hands behind her on the table and leaned against them. "We set a trap." Now all the others were staring at her blankly, not understanding at all what she was saying. Merlyn's ideas were always good, so Arthur had no idea why she spoke so seldom. But right now, he wished she had kept her mouth shut, because he had a pretty good idea what she had in mind.

Merlyn groaned loud and sat up straight again. "A trap. We sent out _someone-_ " she pointed at herself and made Arthur grit his teeth hard, "out there for them to see. When they all focus on that certain _someone_ , the others come up behind them. And what is the best way to lure a bunch of men together?" Seeing how the men were not really following her thoughts, she sighed at their stupidity and sharply pointed at herself again. A few sounds of silent protest sounded around the table, but alarmingly many of them kept silent.

" _No_." Merlyn turned to the prince now, face confused because of his objection. "You are not going there alone. You might be good and all, but that's _suicide_!" He growled and tried to stare her down. But when had that worked before? Merlyn just snorted and leaned back against her hands, giving the prince a challenging look.

"Oh, please. Now's your chance to _actually_ make use of the fact that you have a girl with you. Leon, you say they are kidnapping young girls mostly, right?" The knight in question nodded slowly. "So, a young girl alone in the woods, looking all lost and innocent is the perfect way to get their attention. And meanwhile, when they are all focused on me, you'll surround them." Arthur really had to agree that the plan was good, but he had a hard time letting her put herself in harm's way like that. And she could not have any weapons on her when she was playing the lost girl, so she would not have any protection other than her fists. Or a well concealed dagger.

"I think it could work," Sir Bedivere agreed, voice a bit unsure as he looked at his prince, who was still fuming. But after that, all the other's voiced their agreements so Arthur had no other choice but to nod and order everyone to get ready to move at first light next morning. Merlyn looked way too pleased about the plan.

"See, sire, this way you can worry about me with a reason," she mused while grinning as she jumped down from the table. Arthur rolled his eyes, but said nothing. "I need you to bring me my sword when you get close enough. I'll stuff a dagger in my boot, but that'll get me only so far. " Merlyn tapped his shoulder lightly before she literally skipped out of the room. Arthur was starting to think she had a death-wish.  

 

***

 

The next day after tracking the bandits for a few hours, Merlyn was in the bush getting ready to look for the part of a lost girl. Arthur was still not liking this plan and he reminded Merlyn about it many times during the tracking, but they really had nothing better. They could not risk the lives of the captives, so infiltrating their camp was the safest option. And as a knight in all but name, it was Merlyn's duty to put the lives of others before her own. She seemed to do that fairly often too, but it did not mean that Arthur had to like it.

"So, do I look lost and innocent now?" A voice asked behind the prince. He turned around and had to blink a few time at the sight before him. It was clearly Merlyn-the-warrior for those who knew her, but for those who didn't… She was wearing a white, simple dress that looked a bit ill-fitting on her. Her hair was on a loose plait but still a few strands were on her face. She had smeared some dirt on the dress and her face, and ripped the fabric so it looked like she had been wondering the forest for a while. The image was a bit broken when she swirled a sharp dagger between her fingers and stuffed it in her boot.

Arthur cleared his throat a bit before nodding. "You almost look like a girl, _Mer_ lyn," he said smirking and earned a punch on his arm from the smiling Merlyn. The other knights agreed that she looked the part, so the plan was put in action.

 

Arthur and the knights sneaked closer to the camp. There were at least twenty or twenty-five men, and over ten young girls and some boys that were taken from their homes. The knights spread around camp but stayed hidden, waiting for the signal from Merlyn. After a few minutes of waiting silently, she appeared from the other side of the camp. The bandits immetiadly got up and had their blades up. Arthur had to admit, that Merlyn was a great actor, even he believed for a moment that she was actually scared as she looked around with wide eyes and trembled hard as she stumbled out of the bushes.

One of the men stepped closer. "And what do we have here?" He mused as he sheathed his blade. "Lost, are we?" Merlyn shook her head frantically, wrapping her arms around her torso. Arthur saw how she was taking in the conditions of the captives, even when she acted like she was looking for a way to escape. He wondered how many times had Merlyn actually done this?

"N-no, no… I'm here with my, ah, brothers!" She announced, taking a small step backwards. By this point, all the attention of the bandits was on her and almost every thug in the camp was standing up. The captives looked sad, thinking that one more person was going to be captured. "They are going to be h-here soon!" The bandits laughed cruelly, some of them moving closer. Arthur gripped his blade so tight his knuckles were turning white - even when he knew this was an act, he felt his heart pound twice as hard than before.

"Your brothers, eh?" The man asked as he stopped before Merlyn. He raised his hand and touched her cheek softly. "I wonder where they are. Or are you lying to me?" The girl shook her head again and looked around, eyes still wide. She lifted a hand to her hair and swiped a strand of hair away from her face - the signal.

The knights rose from their lowered positions and at the same time Merlyn spoke again, "I am not lying! They… ah, there they are." Her lips spread in a wide smile and her arms dropped down. The bandits froze for a second, before they spun in their places. Around them stood at least thirty armed, regal knights in their armor and red capes - all looking fairly murderous. That's what happened when you kidnapped young girls and boys - and threatened Merlyn.

"Nice to see you, sis," Arthur smirked, and got a similar expression from Merlyn. He walked to her as he had emerged from behind her, and handed her her blade. "Care to join us?"

The girl looked back to the bandits, who were still too baffled to even register what was happening. "I'd love to," Merlyn said and swirled the blade in her hand. That got the bandits moving finally, but the knights were clearly superior - they cut, dodged, spun and slashed, never really getting hit themselves, at least not fatally. Most of them were focusing on the brutes, but there were a few that were releasing the kids from their robes and chains, leading them to the woods to safety. Arthur was mostly spared from the fighting, so he had the time to watch his men and be proud, but he was surprised to notice how his gaze landed on Merlyn more often than the others.

He saw how her plait got loose almost immetiadly, but it never slowed her down, and neither did the dress. She was a blur of movement, a white and black whirlwind between the sea of men. She was cut once or twice, but it only seemed to aggravate her more, as after the third cut on her arm made her let out a fierce battle cry and run at her attacker. One bandit was on his hands and knees on the ground after he had been kicked in the gut by one of the knights, so Merlyn used him as a leverage to boost herself up in the air, and swing her long legs around the huge man's neck, twist her upper body backwards and somehow flung the man back and over her to the ground with her legs still around his neck, knees against the ground. With a swift bend of her hips combined with strong thighs, the man's neck broke with a sickening crunch and the girl got back up. Arthur was momentarily awestruck by her moves, but was quickly pulled from his thoughts when a thug ran at him, ferociously swinging his blade.

At some point Arthur found himself back to back with Sir Hugo, both fighting their own opponent. Arthur plunged his blade at the dark-skinned man's chest at the same time there was a feminine, fierce yell at his left. Pale eyes strayed at the direction the sound came from, and he saw Merlyn in the progress of kicking a bandit's corpse away to get her blade free. "She really is something, huh?" Hugo called from behind the prince. Arthur could only nod and watch how Merlyn spun around with her long black hair flying around and threw a dagger at a man who was about to attack her from behind.

"She really is," he hummed.

 

***

 

Two days later, after taking the freed captives to their homes, Arthur, Merlyn and some of the knights were sitting in Gaius' chambers. The old man had almost demanded that everyone, who got even a small cut during their ambush should come to him to check for infections. Apparently the prince's stubborn behavior and lack of interest about his wounds had made the physician suspect that everyone did the same. And well, they all tried but Merlyn was on Gaius' side.

Sir Hugo was one of the most vocal ones on the subject, claiming he could clean his own wounds. "I've studied medicine and gotten enough wounds in my life to know how to clean them myself!" The knight moaned as Gaius propped his leg up. Hugo had sustained a fairly deep gash on his thigh, and it was already tuning nasty red. The physician pointed that fact out, and got Hugo to shut up finally, prompting a few chuckles from the others.

Merlyn, who's wounds were already bandaged and was now wearing her normal red tunic and leggings', snorted from the side. "Yeah, so next time your wound gets infected, we'll just leave you to it and then let Gaius chop your limbs off, ok?" She asked and raised a brow at the man, who just pouted like a little boy and made her grin. "Thought so."

"Hugo here is almost as bad as Leon was once," Arthur mused and gave a sidelong glance at his second in command, who was perched next to the prince. "A few years ago he was so stubborn that he left a wound unchecked for three days and eventually had to be carried to Gaius unconscious because he had gotten a bad fever." The knight in question muttered something under his breath with reddening cheeks, and made the others laugh.

"After that I always listened to Gaius here," Leon said and smiled slightly to the physician, who hummed in agreement. Arthur patted the knight's shoulder and got up, announcing that he's going to retire now and would see everyone the next day at training. Except Hugo, who he said would end up in the stocks if he showed his face there. He walked out, but only got down the stairs before he noticed a black puff of hair next to him.

"Following me now, are you?" Arthur snorted. Merlyn gave him a dirty look, but smiled nonetheless.

"My chambers are still in the same wing as yours, so might as well walk the same way," she answered with a shrug. "And you're one to talk, sire." Seeing his puzzled look, she only smiled impishly and kept walking, hands clasped behind her back.

He could not let it go. "And what does that mean? As I see it, you came running after me," the prince pointed out and took a couple of faster steps to catch up, so they were now walking side by side. Ironic.

"Yes," Merlyn answered, drawling the word the way she knew would annoy Arthur, "but I was not the one staring at you during the fight. _Again._ " Arthur would always deny blushing a bit after those words, no matter what she said. Merlyn let out a small laugh, eyes glinting in glee at his discomfort.

He huffed and waived a hand. "I was not staring," he grumbled, turning his eyes away. "You're a girl, it's only normal to be worried." They reached Merlyn's door first, so she stopped in front of it. She was still smiling, but it was not a cruel smile anymore - it was almost gentle, soft smile that made her look like a different person. Arthur's heart skipped a beat when he turned to look at her.

"Whatever you say, my Lord," Merlyn hummed and disappeared to her chambers. The prince was left standing in the middle of the corridor alone for a while, smiling like an idiot before he managed to shake himself back and march to his own room. He had to prepare to the visit of King Bayard, that was happening in few days. But he still wondered, if Merlyn was ever going to call him Arthur.


	7. The poisoned chalice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we have the chapter where the tag mentioning PTSD really works. Even when you won't yet know everything Merlyn had gone through, you'll see how badly they have actually affected her.
> 
> And, I'm posting this already because I'll have to take a small break for a while. I still have a few chapters already written so there will be things to read, but they will be posted slower from now on! And I sort of like this one, so I could not wait ;D

_"She's running away!" Someone shouts as Merlyn is sneaking along the walls, hiding in the shadows. She sees him, his strikingly pale blue eyes and curly black hair that's matted down along his head from sleep. He stares at her, finger pointing in her direction. The others are getting up, drawing their swords and daggers and crossbows. There are over thirty weapons pointing at her._

_An arrow flies by her head. "No one leaves!" A voice booms from the stairs - Gregor. His black eyes are locked on Merlyn, when she draws her swords and one of her black hilted daggers. She lets out a desperate, angry cry and runs. Run towards the people she called a family, and slashes, strikes, kills. She draws so much blood that the only thing she sees is red. Jonathan, Daeg, Haley, Tyr, Breanna…_

_There is blood. Blood and screaming everywhere she looks. Her feet are leading her out, to safety - except she doesn't know where that is. Her hair is sticking to her face which was covered in sweat and blood. She's clutching her sword in her shaking, sweaty hand and the other is pressed to her shoulder that was bleeding heavily. The pain is blinding, her head is throbbing and she almost could not see anything as the sweat and blood mixed with the tears in her eyes. She hates, hates the chaos, hates that she has to hurt these people - but she has to get away!_

_Someone grabs her ankle, making her fall with a scream and catch her weight with her hands. Her sword clatters away, out of reach. The man crawls over her and twists her on her back, looming over her now. The black eyes lock on her face and a cruel smile spreads on his lips as he put a hand on her throat, squeezing hard. The girl fights to get some breath, her face turns red and vision blurs._

_"You're not going anywhere," she hears Gregor snarl and sees a dagger lifting up, ready to be plunged in her chest. She screams, trashes and suddenly manages to bend her leg between them. Merlyn lands a hard kick on the man's stomach causing him to fly backwards, and hit his head. She scrambles up, grabs her sword and runs._

_She runs for god knows how long, dodging her attackers and killing those who dare to try and stop her. Her sword is covered in blood, so are her tattered clothes. She sees her horse in the distance, already free and rearing to his hind legs, agitated._

_Suddenly someone appears before her and grabs her by the shoulder. With a scream she slashes her blade and gets free. Her eyes lock with him - dark, chocolate brown eyes look at her, filled with pain and betrayal, as the man falls on his knees. She freezes at the sight._

_"NO!"_

_He falls, he falls but his eyes never close. They stare at her, blank even when his still breathing. Merlyn kneels, screams, throws the people behind her away with her magic that is acting by her crazed emotions. No one notices, because they were the only ones in that room and they are not telling anyone, because they die when they hit the stone wall. Some other people are trying to leave too, they are using her escape as a cover. But she cares not, she only sees him._

_Lancelot._

_Dying._

_***_

"Look alive, Merlyn!" She heard someone shout when she's pushed to the ground for the third time that day. Her mind has been occupied with the images of her escape, mostly with the image of a dying Lancelot. Merlyn shut her eyes tight to keep the tears away and stayed on the ground on her back. " _Merlyn!_ "

"Sire, please-" the protest of Leon was cut off by a angry growl and then a shadow loomed over her. Merlyn didn't even need to open her eyes to know it was Arthur. They had been getting along a bit better for the last month and a half after Valiant. He had still acted arrogantly in training - like now - and in public, but a lot friendlier on patrols. Again. Merlyn had been given permission to join him on longer patrols that took two or more days, and the prince had been quite helpful and nice about everything. Even when Merlyn fell asleep on her watch and had to be waken by Arthur himself, he had not been angry. Just laughed about it, and moved on.

Merlyn peeked through her eyelids, and saw the angry scowl of the prat. Merlyn had been extremely sloppy that day, so it was no wonder the man looked so mad. But there was a small glimpse of worry too - it was not normal for her to be this bad. She had been bested by Albyn - twice! - for god's sake, and the man was nowhere near her level. "Pray tell me, Your Highness, am I a lazy oaf this time too?" She grumbled and got up, brushing the grass from her leather pants. The air was getting slightly colder now when it was the end of November, so she had a black jacket over her thick tunic.

Arthur scoffed, and drew his sword while he invited her to attack him. "I'll call you an oaf after this, but lazy? Well, it sure looks like it," he tried provoking her, all the while smiling like he was the most brilliant person in the world. Merlyn raised a brow at his so-called joke. "Oh, come on. Don't tell me you're scared now? Maybe you're getting worse by the day, hm?" Even when Arthur was trying to be better, he still had no understanding of bad days and illness' and things like that. Not everyone was perfect.

Merlyn rubbed the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes before shaking her head at the prince. "Forget it. I might get you hurt with my _laziness_ and sloppy fighting," she sighed and looked at the man. He was actually looking worried now; normally the surest way to get Merlyn excited and fighting was him to challenge her. But now… her dreams were getting worse every night, so she might even take up on Gaius' offer and start taking medicine for it. "I think I need to see Gaius," Merlyn mumbled finally after staring at the prince for a little too long and turned on her heels. She didn't even bother to take her sword with her.

But she didn't get too far, when she heard the prince - the idiot - yell after her; _"She's running away!"_ Merlyn froze, eyes locked on seemingly nothing.

 

The words made her see red. Like that night. They were the exact same words, and even the difference in tone or intention mattered not. Her eye twitched, memories of blood and bowel and sweat and death ran before her eyes, her hands trembled and she slowly, ever so slowly turned back around. In her eyes, she saw _him._ Not the boy with the curly black hair and even more pale eyes than Arthur who had spotted her then, no; she saw Gregor. The bold-headed man with the grey beard and black, bottomless eyes, even though it was Arthur. Arthur, the golden prince, who was smiling at her and had no bad intentions. She saw Gregor with his cruel, almost rotten smile when he was about to stab her.

Merlyn was so engrossed in her memories, that she had no idea where she was when she bent over and grabbed her blade from the ground. The men thought that she accepted Arthur's challenge and they cheered, they had no idea that she was reliving her worst nightmare. The warrior let out a vicious growl with her teeth bared and attacked. And really, this time it was an actual attack - it was no training, no play-fight, but meant to kill. She didn't let Arthur have any time to prepare properly as she ran forward and aimed for his head. Thank god the man was a trained fighter, so he was able to stop her in time. But that did not bring her out of her mind.

"Merlyn!" Arthur yelled as she sliced at his stomach, only seeing her 'family' before her and the _red, oh the blood and red and pain_. Tears, hot tears were streaming from her distant eyes and sweat from her brow, her face contorted in pain and misery, her moves frantic and aimed to kill. When she looked at her clothes, she saw them torn and bloodied and not hers, not anymore, when she looked around she saw the old castle where she had escaped and all the bodies laying on the floor. She was _him,_ she saw _Lancelot._ He was in front of her, pleading for her to stop, but she couldn't. She had to get away.

 _"MERLYN!"_ Hands tried to grab her from behind, but she aimed a backwards kick of her heel at their groin and her right elbow to the others jaw, getting them off her. Crazed, distant blue eyes locked on her opponent, who was still smirking cruelly, eyes almost completely black and blood on his face and dripping from his eyes and mouth. He laughed at her, voice hollow but filled every inch of her mind, mocking and taunting and telling her she was not good enough as he beat her and tortured her mind because she refused to do the job. Merlyn screamed and moved at him, dropping low and swiping her leg at his so he would fall down, and he did. She raised her sword up with both her hands, tip pointing down ready to plunge in Gregor's chest, ready to free the world and her from that cruel, brutal, _evil_ monster.

Then the warrior saw _him_ again, now laying on the floor with the deep, brown eyes so sad and filled with pain and betrayal and tears and his chest had a deep gash that was bleeding _so much_ , and she could not take it - she did that, she hurt him, she _killed_ him! He was bleeding, eyes now vacant and the body stilled. Merlyn cried out, voice full of agony as she dropped to her knees and let go of her blade, tears in her eyes and everything was still just _redredred_ and she did not want to go on, she'd let them kill her and it would be fine and-

Hands landed on her shaking shoulders and her eyes found grey eyes. Not black, not pale blue and not brown. The red in her eyes faded - she was not in the old castle? "Merlyn..?" That voice, that was not a brutal laugh, nor a hollow shout. It was kind, warm and she knew it.

"…Leon?" Merlyn whispered. The man nodded, eyes filled with worry now instead of the fear there were before. She looked past him, and saw Arthur sitting close, eyes wide with fear and shock. Merlyn swallowed the lump in her throat down as she stood up, looking around the others. They were all standing back with their swords in hand. Pellinore had a bruised jaw and Hugo was bent a bit, as if his groin was hurting. The witch averted her eyes, and stepped back. "I'm sorry," was the only thing she managed to gasp between sobs before she was running away. There were shouts behind her, but she did not stop. She took off to the forest, the only place she could be in peace right now and just hoped, _oh god she begged almost,_ that no one would follow her.

She ran for what felt like hours before she stopped. She still saw the city between the trees, so she was not too far away. Merlyn was utterly embarrassed by her breakdown; the witch had tried so hard to keep her weakness' hidden, keep her tears away from the knights but now they had all seen them. They knew something was wrong, they could now go to the king and force her to quit - they could not have her there if she had those days again. Arthur could have what he wanted now; Merlyn gone.

For a while she heard nothing but birds singing somewhere in the trees and only felt the cold ground where she sat. The slight breeze made her hair fall on her face where it had fallen from the braid and stick uncomfortably on her tearstained face. Then there were footsteps, two or three pairs but only one of them came to her. Dry, red-rimmed eyes rose and made contact with Arthur's. His face was carefully blank but his eyes betrayed his thoughts - fear, worry, anger mostly. Leon and Pellinore were behind him, they stayed close by but far enough so they would not intrude. Merlyn looked away when the prince came closer and wiped her face dry, sniffling quietly. "What do you want? You got what you wanted, a reason to kick me out," she snapped when he stopped near. The man said nothing, just crouched to her level and braces his elbow on his knees, fists over his mouth. Merlyn glared at him, hoping to rebel him away with just her angry eyes.

Arthur sighed low and dropped his hands. "Who said I still wanted you gone?" He asked, voice gentle and moved a bit closer but stopped when Merlyn flinched away from him. He watched her intently before moving again, and this time the girl did not move away. He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed softly. "Do you want to talk about it?" Merlyn shook her head, looking down again and fighting against her tears. One escaped but she wiped it away fast so he did not see.

"Why do you care, sire? There's nothing to talk about, I only slept poorly. I am not breaking down again," she curtly mumbled, not seeing how frustrated Arthur was getting. He was gritting his teeth to keep himself from saying anything stupid right now but it was getting hard. Merlyn had no idea how badly the man tried to befriend her, at least be as good friends with her as she and Morgana had become. The girls were spending a bit more time now, compared to what the situation had been a month ago.

"I always care about my knights. I don't see why I should treat you any different. Do you?" The prince now asked, actually sounding curious. Merlyn had been adamant to be treated like the others, and if some other knight had a similar breakdown in training, he would try to take care of them.

Merlyn scoffed, not caring right then what she said. "Right, I'm just one of your knights, someone you pity now. A weapon like for everyone else, _all the time_ ," she muttered and shrug his hand off her shoulder before getting up. The cold, frozen ground had left a wet patch on her bottom, but she really did not care about the cold. She just wanted to be alone for a while. Merlyn knew how idiotic her words were - they had been closer for the past month, but something made her once again accuse him for just pitying her or using her.

Then Arthur finally snapped, "seriously, Merlyn? I try and try to be nice to you, and you just treat me like crap back! Why do I even bother?!" He yelled as he stood up. The knights standing further back exchanged quick glances, worried of the outcome. "Yes, I was terrible at first, but I've been trying! For a month now, and you… you don't give anything back, _you_ _goddamn, untrustworthy idiot!_ Why are you even here? Why do you stay if you don't like me?!" He continued, not seeing Merlyn's face when he called her untrustworthy. She flinched hard, recoiled when that word came out from him.

"I cannot trust you when you're like this! You safe my life over and over again on patrols, but still act like I'm the biggest piece of horse dung there is! _Why don't you just leave?!_ Why don't you even try?!" Arthur now shouted, throwing his hands up and walking forward to Merlyn's direction and grabbed her by the elbow. She tried to step back then, eyes blazing with anger but could not get away. Arthur's own face was a picture of anger and desperation, his chest heaving up and down from the shouting and frustration, and he was standing now so close that his warm breath touching her face. They were so close that Merlyn could feel the warmth of his body and even smell the musk and sweat of training from him.

"You really have no idea, do you?" She asked, voice trembling but mostly kept carefully even and cold. Merlyn looked up to his eyes, those icy blue orbs under his fair lashes that were almost shining in the sunlight. "You don't look beyond your on nose properly to see that I _have_ given you something back, and you have no right to call me _any_ of that. You have no right to question my loyalty to you, the king or the kingdom, you have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing for you. Now _leave me be_ , if you value your fingers." Merlyn pulled her arm away from him and stomped off to the castle, leaving the men behind. One good thing came from that - at least she was no longer thinking of her dreams. She knew she was being unreasonable, because the prince really did have a reason and a right to question her that way. But she could not change, because if she let anyone in… they would just end up dead like the others.

 

***

 

"Camelot welcomes you, King Bayard of Mercia. The treaty we sign today marks an end to war and a beginning to a new friendship between our people," king Uther's voice boomed across the Great Hall before he clasped hands with the visiting King of Mercia. Merlyn had once met the king when she was still with Gregor, but had big doubts that the man would recognize her anymore. She had been only fourteen then, and no scars on her face with a hair just touching her shoulders, and not looking like a woman she was now.

Applauds rang from all over the room, but Merlyn's focus was on just one person there; a servant from Mercia's kingdom. He was tall with bright blue eyes that reminded Merlyn of a sunny summer sky and a dark brown, beautifully curly hair just touching his ears. He was looking right back at her, smiling slightly with a faded pink blush on his cheeks. But Merlyn could only think about how familiar his eyes were. She could not place them anywhere. Merlyn had no interest in his flirting or sweet smile, so she turned her head to the kings who were talking next to the dais. To their left stood Arthur, with a seemingly permanent scowl on his face when he looked back at her. Merlyn did not react to his hostility, only turned on her heels when they were free to go and walked out of the hall.

Arthur had not talked to Merlyn for days after the incident. Merlyn was only too happy to keep her distance from him and everyone else. Only Thomas had been too big of a fool to try and talk to her, but he too had understood pretty quickly that Merlyn had no intention of opening up to anyone soon. Even though she really wanted to. She knew it was for the best to keep her past a secret, because if she told anyone, she might accidentally reveal her magic. Even when her powers were not really related to her time with Gregor and the group, it was a part of her. So, trying not to care about being utterly lonely without anyone to talk to, she kept her mouth tightly shut. The only person in the castle who knew something about her was Morgana, and that was the tame version, and Gaius, but even he did not know a lot.

The hallways were filled with servants and guards, all of them getting ready for the feast that evening. Merlyn even saw Gaius running around, trying to get his rounds done before the celebration. Merlyn was scheduled to be on duty then, so she would not be able to enjoy the food. Well, while the food was still warm at least. She saw Margaret too - Merlyn had given her the day off so she did not have to balance her duties with her and the celebration all at once. The girl was currently running from the kitchens to the Great Hall with four other servants, carrying heavy baskets filled with extravagant decorations.

All of a sudden a figure crashed on to her, sending her stumbling backwards. She did not lose her balance, only grabbed the hilt of her sword just in case. "Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am," the boy mumbled as he was collecting the laundry from the floor. Merlyn recognized him as the boy staring at her in the Great Hall and narrowed her eyes a bit. She had left before him, but somehow he was coming from the opposite direction? "I was not looking where I was going, too occupied with the celebrations and all.." he continued and stood up, now meeting Merlyn's eyes. His widened in recognition and a blush crept up his cheeks.

Merlyn raised an unimpressed brow at him, never letting go of the hilt. "It's fine," she answered curtly and moved to step around him, but the boy raised a hand to her in attempt to shake it. Merlyn never took it, only eyed it for a moment before looking back up. Something about that boy made her magic go a bit haywire, and she really needed to get somewhere else. Alone.

The boy lowered his hand slowly. "I'm Carl. I saw you earlier, you work for the prince and the knights, right?" He asked, enthusiasm coming off in waves from him. That made her even more suspicious, because nothing in the hall had given that away. Sure she had her sword there, but she was standing in the far corner away from the knights. Was the boy here just as a servant or trying to do something else? She still nodded to her and forced a slight smile on her face, not to let him know she was not trusting him.

"Merlyn, and yes I am. With them, to be exact," she answered in a bit too tight voice, but Carl didn't seem to notice. What bothered Merlyn the most were his too familiar eyes and the way he talked to her so openly. Servants were supposed to be respectful towards their superiors, and even when Merlyn was not a lady, she was sort of a knight and an advisor to the prince. That should give her the same respect as a knight had. "But I must be going now. Good day." And now she was able to go around him, fist curling around the hilt so tight that her knuckles were turning whiter and whiter by the second. She almost ran to her chambers and locked the door with a wave of her hand, finally letting her magic free from her hold. Luckily, it made no damage, only made her bed rattle a bit and the jug drop when the table shook. Merlyn let out a pleased sigh and dropped on her bed, enjoying the feeling of her magic not being restrained. She felt the tendrils flowing around her, the color of them in her head as gold as her eyes when she used her powers.

All of the small objects were floating around in her room for almost three hours without Merlyn even noticing as she dozed lightly on the bed, when a knock came from the door. Merlyn sat up and walked to the door while the objects landed slowly back to their places. Making sure there were nothing floating anymore, she unlocked the door and peeked out. It was Margaret, informing her that the feast was about to begin. She called back that she would be there shortly and run to her closet. She would not be wearing anything fancy this time, as she was on duty. Merlyn threw on her less used red tunic, one of her new leather mails and just left the leather pants she had earlier on. Her hair, messy and unable to be tamed, was pulled in a tight braid that hung across her back.

After ten minutes she was almost running to the hall, thankfully not even close to being late but wanted to be there before anyone else had a chance to take a place behind the royals. Merlyn was still a bit out of it because of her breakdown a few days ago, but remembered perfectly well what Kilgharrah had said on her first visit with him.

 

_He faces many threats from friend and foe alike._

Merlyn was still not completely sure, if the dragon was right or just gone crazy after being locked up under the castle for two decades. But she had been waiting for her destiny and the Once and Future King for most of her life, so she was willing to believe just about anything right now. And even if she hated the man with all her heart - and was pretty sure he hated Merlyn too - she had fate. Merlyn had been much worse when she came to Camelot, keeping only to herself, but if even she had the chance to change even a little bit, maybe Arthur did too? During the last month Arthur had showed that he could be a nice, caring person so maybe the dragon was not all wrong?

The guests were starting to pour in the Great Hall when Merlyn took her place behind the prince's chair close to George. The servant gave her a small smile before running to his master and filling his cup. Arthur had given Merlyn a slight nod to acknowledge her, but otherwise ignored her presence. And that was quite fine with her, as she was still seething a little because of his words, even though she sort of regretted her own stubborn behavior. The prince really did have a reason to judge her and question her trustworthiness, but Merlyn was just too damn stubborn to accept it.

The kings signed the treaty and the crowd clapped at the marking of peace. Merlyn saw from the corner of her eye the serving boy from earlier, Carl. He was fidgeting close by, eyes flicking from king Bayard to Merlyn and to Arthur. Merlyn narrowed her eyes and made her way to him as the visiting king spoke:

_"As a symbol of our goodwill, and of our newfound friendship, I present these ceremonial goblets to you, Uther, and to your son, Arthur, in the hope that our friendship may last."_

Merlyn grabbed the serving boy and pulled him to the side, hissing "what have you done?" The boy's eyes widened with fear at the sight - and something else Merlyn did not recognize -  of Merlyn's furious gaze, and started to ramble something about Bayard and poison and prince Arthur. With a growl, she stepped away from the boy and ran towards the men, who were already toasting. She cried out that it was poisoned, and got the attention of everyone in the room. Bayard was furious and drew a sword at her which Merlyn did too.

"Put down your sword, Bayard. You are outnumbered," king Uther commanded as the knights and guards of Camelot surrounded them with their weapons out. After a moment of hesitation, the visiting king lowered his sword.

"What proof do you have for these accusations, _girl_?" Bayard growled with dark eyes locked on Merlyn. The warrior gritted her teeth together and turned to her own king and prince, eyes pleading for understanding.

But Uther was not really known for that. He grabbed the goblet from his son and eyed its content critically, before looking back at Bayard. "If you believe her to be wrong, you have no reason to fear, do you?" The visiting king sheathed his blade and reached for the cup, but Uther pulled it away the last minute. "No. If what she says is true, I want the pleasure to kill you myself. She will drink it," he announced and handed the goblet to Gwen. It was true that the servants were there to do these things, but Merlyn could not allow it. Before even Morgana had the chance to react, Merlyn had already moved forward and taken the goblet to herself.

"It was my accusation, so it is my duty," she stated to Uther, who was starting to protest. The king was oddly fond of Merlyn, perhaps because she had saved him and the princess, and was now one of his best fighters. But even with all that, he could not deny her this - she was the protector of the kingdom so it was her job. The goblet was raised to her lips when she saw Arthur being held back by his father and Sir Leon. She gave him a sad smirk and said, "it's you turn to save me now." And poured the wine down her throat. It tasted bitter at first, but nothing said poison. She stood there, feeling completely stupid about believing that goddamn servant, when it happened - her throat started to burn like she'd drunk boiling water and her veins turned to sand. She clapped a hand to her throat and tried to gasp for air, making eye contact with Arthur - who was screaming in horror and coming closer - before everything went black.

 

**A**

 

Everything happened in a weird blur after Merlyn had drunk that wine.

At first, nothing happened. She looked so ashamed and guilty. Arthur was just about to relax, when the first gasp sounded. It was not the normal gasping sound she should have been making, it was too dry and sounded like she was choking. Then he was already running at her when she fell, his father was ordering the visitor to be arrested and the whole hall was in chaos. Gaius ordered Merlyn to be carried to his chambers, so Arthur did that. He cradled her quickly but ever so gently in his arms, letting her head rest on his shoulder. A small amount of foam was coming out of her mouth.

 _Did I say you were untrustworthy and not loyal? Well, you really did prove me wrong now,_ he thought and grimaced at the bad joke. Merlyn was dying, it was not a good time for jokes. Arthur had felt guilty for their fight for the last few days, but had been too proud to say anything. He acted like he was still mad when he really just wanted to apologize to her. She had obviously been under some kind of stress, and the weird breakdown at training had looked like she was not even really there with them. It had been terrifying when she had attacked her, but it had been clear pretty quickly that she was seeing something that was not there. Arthur had ordered everyone to keep their mouths shut about it, and everyone had agreed - they all actually liked the girl.

Arthur placed Merlyn on the patient cot in Gaius' room and stayed kneeling next to it. He touched her brow gently, hissing when he felt if quite literally burning. "She's burning up," he told the physician, but Gwen was already there with a bucket of cold water and a cloth. The prince took the cloth from her and ignored the confused look the maid gave him when he placed the now wet cloth on Merlyn's brow, trying to cool her down. He did not really pay attention to Gaius or Gwen, who were looking for the cause before the old man finally found it. Then he motioned Gwen to take his place, and went to Gaius.

He explained that the petal came from the Mortaeus flower and  that someone poisoned by it can only be saved by a potion made from the leaf of the very same flower. He also said that it could only be found in the caves deep beneath the Forest of Balor. Arthur took a good look of the flower that was drawn in the physician's book before nodding grimly. "Sounds like fun," he said with a humorless grin and promptly ran out the door. He left a very confused physician and an almost amused Gwen behind him. They both knew that whatever the two said, they really did care about each other - well, when they were not bickering like idiots.

The hall was already empty when Arthur ran in, only Uther was standing there in front of a window. His face was screaming concern, which was quite weird for the prince to see. Uther never really showed any emotion if rage and disappointment were not included. "Father," he called. Uther spun around fast for his age. "I need to go to the Forest of Balor. There is a cure there, but I need to go now. I have no time to wait for backup."

"Arthur, you need to take at least one knight, because if you d-" his sentence was cut off when a throat was cleared in the doorway. Leon stood there, already in his armor and ready to move. "Well, it looks like you can go. Save her, Arthur, we all owe her our lives." The prince nodded and jogged out of the room with Leon in his heels. The knight explained that Gwen had told him where the cure could be found when he had gone to visit Merlyn, so he had prepared horses for him and the prince. Arthur was proud of his second in command for anticipating his movements so well.

 

***

 

_He landed on his back hard, with a tip of a sword on his neck. Arthur stared at it for a moment before looking up at his attacker. The deep blue eyes were almost glowing again, because of the sun that was peeking between the heavy white clouds and because of the excitement of battle. The warrior's lips were curled in a genuine, happy and gleeful grin as she pulled the blade away. "You're getting slow, sire," Merlyn huffed and offered a hand to him. He grabbed it, but instead of letting her pull him up, he leaned back and pulled her to the ground with him. She yelp in surprise and landed half on the ground and halfway on top of him, making him chuckle breathlessly, a bit winded from the impact._

_"Oh you're going to pay for that," he heard her groan and get up a bit, before pulling out some grass and stuffing it at his face. The prince yelped now, spluttering out the grass that got in his mouth. He growled playfully and gripped her hip, spinning them around so she was now on her back. He tickled her mercilessly, actually hearing her laugh out loud for the first time they have known each other. And it had been what, two and a half months now?_

_Merlyn pushed his chest trying to get him up, still laughing. "Get off me, you ass! This is no way to treat a girl!" She screamed and Arthur took his chance to stuff some grass in her mouth too. She spluttered but managed to push him off the same time. Arthur rolled away and sat a few feet from her. Merlyn's hair was covered in grass and flying unruly around her face. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold air and laughter, and she looked like an absolute mess._

_Arthur thought she could not look more beautiful._

_***_

They were riding hard out of the city, giving their horses a hard time. The air was colder now, and they felt their fingers freeze even in their gloves. Arthur had to use a lot more effort than he thought to push the memory of Merlyn away; it would not help to think about it, because she was not going to die. He would not let her, and when they save her, then he could think about how bloody confused he was about the girl.

They had been growing a lot closer after Valiant's death when he had finally sort of understood her bad mood. He had not told Morgana about her nightmares - which he still could hear her having, because she still sometimes screamed in her sleep - so that combined to figuring out what Valiant actually did… Well, it made him a bit smarter. He could not let her die now when he did not even know her that well yet.

Merlyn had been quite wary of him acting nicely at first, but then she too had relaxed. She did not talk much, but at least had fun with them. She joked, smiled more and she and Arthur had experienced some… weird situations. Well, they were weird for him mostly, because he had grown a little too fond of her. He had caught himself thinking of her looks and musical voice more now, realizing just how smart she actually was and enjoying their time together more. That was one of the very reasons he was so ashamed of his actions when she had clearly been distracted because of her dreams. From what Arthur had heard at night, they were getting worse.

But he did _not_ like her, whatever Morgana said. He was a man, so it was completely normal.

Leon suddenly halted their riding, motioning somewhere to their left. They saw a woman there, red, well-fitting dress torn and dirty, scrambling through the trees. The knight jumped from his horse and went to her while Arthur stayed behind. He was itching to continue, but could not leave them behind. Even when it was an unknown woman, it was not honorable to leave her behind.

Arthur heard how the woman told Leon she had escaped from her capturers and she was headed to Camelot to find safety. She pleaded them to take her there, but Arthur really couldn't turn back, not even for this girl. "Sir Leon will take you there. I need to keep moving," he stated and was about to urge his horse to move, when a hand appeared on his wrist. He looked down and made eye-contact with the brightest blue eyes he had ever seen. The girl was staring at him, lower lip trembling. She was truly a beauty, but nothing he had not seen before truth be told. He had a different idea of beauty these days.

"Would you not come with us? I would feel a lot safer if there were two of you brave knights," she begged. Her voice was too strong for someone who had been starved for days and running through the woods for her life for almost a day. Arthur frowned at her, as he sensed a underlying tone of angry desperation from her words. He glanced at Leon, who was frowning too.

Arthur pulled his hand away and gave the girl a tight smile, "I'm sorry, miss, but I really need to go. I will see you at the castle." And quickly continued his way. He glanced over his shoulder and saw how the girl was staring back at him. He was too far away to see her face, but somehow was sure that she was scowling. Arthur prayed that he had not made the wrong choice in leaving Leon alone with her.

 

The journey to the cave was uneventful, but when he entered, he was instantly at a loss. The cave contained several tunnels going every direction, and he had no idea where he should be going and if he could even find his way back. He took a deep breath and chose a tunnel randomly. He went to the one on his left after lighting a torch that was lying on the ground. The tunnel was quite wide, but the ceiling was low so he had so bend down a little. He saw several skeletons of different animals, and swore he saw at least one human too. Shivers ran across his back, but he refused to back down. "Oh, what you make me do, Merlyn," he mumbled as he stepped on something that looked awfully lot like a human skull.

He had been running along the tunnels for what seemed like hours without coming any closer to his destination. He remembered what the flower looked like, but saw none. He was getting seriously desperate by the second hour, and had no idea how long Merlyn had left to live. Heaving a long sigh he stopped at a crossroad and leaned against a wall. "If I die here, Merlyn, I swear I'm going to kill you when we see again beyond the Veil…" Arthur whispered as he closed his eyes, tired to the bone already.

 

***

 

_They were on a patrol once again, this time it could last almost a week and that was only if everything went well. Arthur, Merlyn, Leon and Hugo were tracking down a group of bandits terrorizing one of the villages halfway to the border of Camelot and Nemeth. They have been searching for them for four days now, and there were still no sign of the brutes._

_But then, they entered a small valley and were ambushed by at least a dozen men. Three of them were shooting arrows from up the ridge, and eight men attacked them with swords and daggers. Arthur saw how Merlyn gracefully jumped off her horse and landed on the back of one man, plunging her dagger in his back. It was always mesmerizing to see her fight and the prince sometimes noticed how he froze when he watched her fluid, almost unnaturally smooth but strong movements._

_Now she was swiftly running up the ridge, jumping from stone to stone to get to the men with the crossbows. Merlyn kicked one hard on the head that made him lose consciousness immetiadly, swinging a dagger at another's chest in the same movement. The third one fought back, but lost. The fight looked brutally easy for her from where Arthur was standing - and it was a wrong thing for him to be doing when there was a battle going on. He had not even been watching her for long, when one of the thugs slashed his blade at him and cut his arm deeply. Luckily Leon was there, quickly ending the man's pitiful life._

_All of the bandits were taken care of after almost five minutes. Arthur sat on a rock near the horses and pressed a cloth on his wound when Merlyn stomped to him, looking angry as hell. "Why weren't you taking care of yourself?! Do I have to do_ everything _around here?!" She yelled and threw her weapons to the ground. Arthur was so shocked of her sudden outburst, that he only stared at her with his mouth open. She began to rant about his irresponsible behavior, and how he was the_ worst _fighter in the Five Kingdoms just based on how many times he got hurt and she had to safe him. She also had some incredibly imaginative nicknames for him, that made him fight to keep from smiling._

_She sighed eventually and flopped to sit on the stone next to him. "Let me see that," Merlyn grumbled and ripped the cloth from him. Arthur just watched as she peered beneath the fabric of his tunic. "I need to rip your tunic a bit more to bandage it and I will drag you to Gaius myself when we get back." The prince nodded and used his other hand to pull the bandages from his saddlebag lying next to his foot. Meanwhile, Merlyn had sliced the fabric open with her dagger and was now poking the skin around the wound. Arthur let out a hiss and got a 'don't be a girl, sire' as an answer, but it was much less heatedly said that earlier. Arthur had to grin at that._

_They sat there in silence for a moment, while Merlyn cleaned the wound as well as she could without proper equipments, when Arthur finally spoke. "I was looking at you," he mumbled, eyes locked on her hands that were separating the bandages from each other. Her movements froze, but she said nothing. "I, ah… " he was about to make up a lie, but then thought_ 'well, what the heck' _and sighed, "yeah, I was looking at you, you know.. when this happened. You might not know it, but seeing you fight is quite a sight."_

_It took her a moment, but eventually she started to move again. Arthur risked a look at her face beneath his lashes, and was surprised to see her smiling slightly. "Well, thank you, but why don't you try to focus on your own fighting instead of mine," Merlyn asked and looked straight at his eyes while her fingers were tying the bandage on place. They lingered on his skin for a moment, before pulling back._

_"I'll try," he hummed._

_***_

A sudden, blinding white light brought him from his memories again. He had to shield his eyes from it at first, but when he got used to the sudden brightness, he saw a glowing, blue and white ball with some golden tendrils swirling on its surface. _Magic_.

His instinct was to draw his sword in case the sorcerer was there too. Nothing happened except that the ball came slightly closer, bobbing up and down. It felt somehow familiar, but he could not place the feeling anywhere. The tip of his sword lowered a bit when he stepped closer to the light, tilting his head in wonder. It truly was beautiful, and did not feel malicious. Just as he was reaching out to touch it, he light bobbed up and down again and sped up along the second tunnel, and back again. It repeated the movement twice, before Arthur's brows shot up in amazement.

"Are you here to help me?" The light bobbed up and down again, now faster like it was nodding. He let out a bark of laugh, relieved and dropped his torch to the ground. "Lead the way then," said the prince and so it did. He had to run after it, because it's movement were so quick and sudden that if he even blinked too slow, the light could vanish beyond a corner.

Arthur had no time to properly think about a magical act that was - probably - not there to kill him, when they reached a ledge. The light flew upwards and stopped next to a plant that made the prince's heart beat faster - the Mortaeus flower! The only problem was that he'd have to jump over the pitch black fall under the ledge. It was not a huge jump, he could make it, but the landing on the other side was not terribly wide. But he had no time to think of the possibility of dying, so he took a couple of steps back to gain more speed and ran. He landed quite smoothly on the ledge, only wobbling a bit before getting his balance in check.

"I'm coming Merlyn. You so owe me a drink after this," he mused out loud. The light vibrated to his words, like it was laughing. Maybe the sorcerer was watching him through it? Whatever the case was, it helped him. Arthur climbed up the rocky wall to the flower, thanking every god there was that the light appeared because he would not have seen anything without it. Just when he thought that this rescue attempt would be much easier than usual, the world showed its true colors.

At first, it was just a sound. Like insects, a lot of them. Arthur paid no attention to the sound as he reached for the flower and just only managed to grab it. He had a pouch on his belt for it, so he carefully stuffed the plant in it and moved a bit to see the ledge on the other side. That's when he saw them - spiders the size of his head, if not bigger. His heart jumped to his throat at the sight, and he felt his legs tremble a bit. He was not sure if they were dangerous or not, but really did not want to stay and find out. The light over his head flickered as it moved to give light for him to jump again. He did, and then he ran like hell.

Again, he was extremely lucky to have the light, because he had not memorized the route he ran before. Arthur dashed along the tunnels behind the light, that seemed to get brighter when they were closer to the cave entrance. Arthur heard how the spider-things ran after him, and also heard two sets of hoof beats ahead. Just few seconds later the light vanished and the prince run out of the cave. He almost jumped in surprise when he saw Sir Leon waiting there on his horse, holding Arthur's mounts reins in his hand. "We need to leave, now!" Was the only thing the prince managed to shout before he mounted his Hengroen swiftly and kicked it to a fast gallop. Leon did not need a second order, because the spiders were emerging from the cave then.

"What happened to that girl?" Arthur shouted over the sound of their horses' hoofs, suddenly remembering the lost girl from earlier. Leon was supposed to escort her to Camelot. He also remembered the weird feeling he had, when she had almost demanded for them both to come with her.

Leon shrugged as much as he could while riding. "She just vanished," he explained, glancing over his shoulder to see if the spiders were still following. Seeing them gone, he slowed his horse a little. "I had her sitting behind me, but then suddenly she was gone. No word, nothing." Arthur frowned, but had no answers either. The girl had looked somewhat familiar, but he had no recollection of where.

"Well, whatever the case, we need to hurry. Merlyn needs the flower," Arthur said and sped up again.

 

***

 

The guards were waiting for him, telling that he is not late yet as he rode to the courtyard. Merlyn was still alive, but her time was running out. Grateful, he jumped from the horse, ordered Leon to go report back to his father and ran to the physicians chambers. His legs were burning from all the riding and running, but he did not stop before he entered the right room. He almost threw the flower to the old man, and turned to look at Merlyn. She was breathing raggedly, heavy layer of sweat on her face and body, and her arms were covered in nasty looking rash. She already looked half-dead.

Arthur fell to sit on the floor next to Gaius' personal cot and leaned against it catching his breath, when Gwen ran back in with a bucket of water. The maid acknowledged Arthur with a hasty nod before moving back to Merlyn. The prince noticed from the corner of his eye, how Gaius only moved the bucket to the side and never used it. He just shook his head, not really caring about his weird behavior, only about Merlyn getting better. Arthur's eyes never left the barely breathing girl.

Soon enough the physician moved to Merlyn now, with a vial filled with disgustingly grey, sluggish liquid and poured it almost forcefully down Merlyn's throat. Arthur sat up straighter to see her better when she began to trash violently, head lulling from side to side and then-

Then she fell slack, not even breathing anymore. Gwen let out a heartbreaking sob and Gaius scrambled to find a pulse. Nothing happened for a while, but then Arthur saw Gaius' shoulders shake when he stood up straighter again and hugged the crying maid tight. The prince fell against the cot and closed his burning eyes tight. He had know that it could be too late.

"You're old enough to be her grandfather, Gaius. That's _disgusting_." A sudden, extremely dry voice exclaimed and Arthur's eyes flew wide open. Gwen let out a wet laugh and flung herself against Merlyn, as Gaius stroked her sweaty hair. They were both so happy, too happy to notice how a small, clear tear fell on the prince's cheek from sheer relief. He wiped it away quickly though, relaxing again against the cot behind him.

She was alive.

 

***

 

He hadn't even realized he had fallen asleep, before a dull object hit his head. He jerked awake, blinking sleepily for a moment, before his eyes focused on a shoe lying next to him. Arthur frowned for a moment, very confused about where he was and what was going on.

"So I hear I have you to thank for saving my life," a low, but feminine voice called from a few feet away. Dark eyes were staring at him over the side of the patient cot while the owner of them was lying on her side. She still looked very sick - her skin was almost grey and covered in a thin layer of sweat and her hair was a huge ball of knots, but her eyes were clear and sharp as they always were. And as beautiful as ever.

 _What are you thinking about?!_ Arthur yelled at himself inside his head.

"Uh, yes, I guess you do," he answered with a small cough before getting up. His back was complaining loudly and his muscles felt extremely stiff after apparently falling asleep on the floor. Stretching, he sent a quick glance at Merlyn, who was still staring at him. Her face was emotionless, but her eyes shone with an emotion Arthur did not recognize.

"How long did I sleep?" Merlyn shrugged weakly, finally moving her eyes away as she rolled to her back. She was still wearing the same clothes she had at the feast, minus the mail. Her shirt clung against her skin because of the sweat. Her whole appearance made her seem rather weak, even when Arthur knew it was not the case. She had just practically died for a few second, so anyone would look a bit weak after it.

"Not long, maybe three hours. The king was here just a few minutes ago, asking how I was. I also heard an interesting fact," her voice was mostly toneless and still raw from the poison, but Arthur swore he heard a little fear there, "apparently you decided to be an idiot and go alone to get the flower." Arthur winced, but turned back to her anyway. Now she was showing her fear openly, but it was mixed with anger. "You really should not have left Leon behind," she muttered and lowered her eyes from his.

Arthur walked to her sighing and sat on the stool next to the cot, grabbing the already wet cloth from the side of the bucket there and gently placed it on her forehead. "You were dying," he just stated. He had no other excuse - he had acted on what he knew to be right, and he _knew_ Merlyn would not die for him. Not like that - if she was going to die for him, it would be in a battle and she would go down as a fierce hero, a fearless warrior that they all knew she was. Not because of _poison_.

Arthur looked down from the cloth, and saw her eyes watching him intently. There was an internal struggle clearly visible in her eyes, but Arthur really could not understand what it could be.

"Thank you," she finally said after a few long moments and gave him a small smile. "And I'm sorry." The apology made Arthur startle a bit; she was not one to apologize for anything. Was it for the poisoning? Or him being in danger?

The prince asked quietly, "for what?" Merlyn snorted a bit.

"For my idiotic breakdown, you know. I've… I've been having nightmares for some time now and they seem to be affecting me more than I thought," Merlyn explained with her eyes closed. She looked very peaceful then, even with the sweat and filth from her being almost dead not so long ago. "My past is somewhat terrible." Admitting that seemed to take a lot of effort from her, even when it told the prince basically nothing.

Arthur hummed silently and dipped the cloth in the bucket. "Well, you know where to find me if you need someone to talk to. Or, you know, shout at or try to kill," he joked as he placed the cloth back on her skin. Merlyn snorted at him and swatted his hand softly. "I really don't think the practice dummies can take it anymore. I'm a much better target to vent your emotions on." Oh, how he liked to see Merlyn actually smile. Even though they were spending a lot of time together now, mostly on patrols though, her smiles were not always genuine. He could count the times with one of his hands when she had smiled genuinely and there were even less times when her laughs came from the heart. But here she was, once more smiling at him and he was smiling back.

He was a little scared of his own thoughts.

 

***

 

_"Look alive, Merlyn!" He shouted when he saw Merlyn fall on her backside for the third time that day. She had been weirdly occupied with her thoughts, and not concentrating on anything that was happening around her. Albyn had bested her for the second time already. "Merlyn!"_

_Leon tried to protest, but Arthur just stormed past him to the girl laying on the ground with her eyes closed. He was worried, yes, but it was not good for anyone if she just lay there. Her face was blank, except for her eyes that were squeezed shut, her chest rising and falling rapidly. She was not out of breath, but something else. Was she crying?_

_"Pray tell me, Your Highness, am I a lazy oaf this time too?" Arthur heard her mumble as she got up. Her hair was flying out of her loose plait, sticking to her skin and her cheeks were faintly pink. Arthur had to fight to keep the fond smile off his face. She looked extremely annoyed, so being amused of her looks was not something to show her - even if the prince was more awed than amused._

_"I'll call you an oaf after this, but lazy? Well, it sure looks like it," he snickered at her and smiled broadly, but only got a raised eyebrow from her. Arthur was once again wondering if the thoughts and budding feelings were just his, and if the girl really just hated him. "Oh, come on. Don't tell me you're scared now? Maybe you're getting worse by the day, hm?" He smirked and swirled his sword around, crooking a finger at her to motion her forward. He knew that challenging her was the best option._

_But then she refused and started to walk away, Arthur was really beginning to worry about her. He had heard her cry out last night, even when she was two doors away from him he still had woken up to the sound. It had been a huge struggle to stay in his bed and not run to her, she had sounded to scared - more scared than any other time Merlyn had those nightmares._

_But, worried or not, Arthur had no control over his words as he shouted after her; "She's running away!"_

_When Merlyn stopped, he just thought that she finally accepted his challenge and everything would be fine again. But then he noticed how she was trembling slightly, and instantly figured out that those words might not have been a wise choice. Arthur watched her turn slowly around, eyes a bit unfocused but still staring at him. Everything stopped for a moment and the prince was about to apologize, but then her expression changed - it morphed in to an furious snarl with her teeth bared and she stalked forward like a predator to its pray and grabbed her blade from the ground._

_Arthur had no time to properly prepare before a flash of steel was coming at his head and his stomach. He was yelling her name, but it did nothing. The attacks kept coming, and all the while her face was the picture of pain, misery and blinding anger. He had to admit that he was a bit scared - Arthur knew what kind of a fighter she was, but this… this was to kill. It was different. It was actually frightening._

_Merlyn fought off two knights trying to contain her, overpowered them and then suddenly the prince too. He landed on his back with a surprised yelp, and looked up - Merlyn was over him, blade raised with both her hands, sharp tip pointing at his chest. Arthur was about to shout again when her face contorted into something else and a heartbreaking scream left her lips. She fell on her knees, sobbing the name 'Lancelot' over and over again, and apologizing. Arthur had no idea what to do, she was still in her mind, but luckily Leon took care of it. Arthur had wanted to do something, but he was still frozen in his spot. He was scared, but not of her, more like scared_ for _her. That was not something people normally did, even he knew it._

_But then she ran, and he just had to follow. Arthur could not let her be alone now._

_***_

"I'm sorry too, you know," he mumbled after a while. He had already placed the cloth away after Merlyn complained it was uncomfortable. She gave him a curious look. "For yelling at you like that. I knew you were having a bad day, but… well, like you said, I'm a prat and don't always look beyond my own nose." Merlyn smirked victoriously at his admission which made the prince groan a bit. "Don't get all smug now, I'll deny _everything_."

Merlyn laughed weakly, but nodded. "I won't. And it's fine, you really do have a reason to question my actions," she admitted while lowering her eyes once more. Her brow was greased like it always was when she was thinking hard about something.

"I've heard you for a few nights now," he continued, avoiding looking at her. He felt Merlyn's piercing eyes on him, but he could not bear to look at her in the eyes. "We have not been that close, so I've kept it to myself. You haven't really been the most open person, so I figured you would not want anyone to know about your dreams..."

It was quiet after that. Arthur feared that he had angered Merlyn by admitting he had heard her screaming and crying, but one look at her face told differently - she looked almost moved. It was usually hard to find any emotion on her face, and this was no different, but judging by her misty eyes, she was not angry at all. "Yeah. I thought I was not so loud as I haven't woken up by them in weeks, but seems I was wrong," she mused rubbing her face tiredly. Arthur got up, preparing to leave her to sleep, but her hand stopped him. Arthur's eyes moved to hers. "I might not be ready to trust you enough yet to tell you everything, but… thank you. For trying to be a friend. I haven't had one in a long time." The prince gave her a small smile and patted her hand.

"Try to sleep," he mumbled. It took her only about two seconds to do just that.

 

**M**

 

Two whole weeks later, Merlyn was cleared healthy enough to return to her normal life. Well, not to training just yet, but at least she was able to leave her room now. She had been spending most of her time with either Gaius or Morgana and Gwen. Arthur had only visited once, being too busy with everything, but she had understood. The princess had been extremely fussy the whole time, trying to make sure Merlyn was comfortable and healing well, and bluntly denying her the right to die. Merlyn had laughed loudly at that, the first real laugh around Morgana.

Almost dying that way and being saved my a man she thought hated her, had really opened Merlyn's eyes even when she had denied being scared to die before. She had been an idiot for not at least trying to get friends. So, when the two weeks of resting were up, she decided to go to the tavern. With the knights. Well, she told no one but Morgana what she was planning, wanting really bad to see their faces. Even prince Arthur was going, so it would be a good opportunity to show him that she wanted to change. It would not be easy, but she was willing to try.

"So, Merlyn," Morgana started when she entered the princess' room. She had invited Merlyn there to give her something. "This is my… eh, thank you for saving my brother _again_ and I'm sorry you almost died gift." Merlyn snorted at the description, but nodded as she moved closer to the box on Morgana's bed. Luckily, it didn't look like a dress-box, so maybe it was a new pair of boots or something even more useful? She lifted the lid a little, peering inside. Her jaw dropped at the sight and she flipped the lid away enthusiastically, actually smiling now. "Oh my god," she managed to breath out, eyes never leaving the content of the bow.

"Do you like it?" Morgana snickered behind her and just got an amazed, slow nod from the warrior. "Well, that's good because it cost a lot," the princess announced and got Merlyn's attention now. "But don't worry about it too much. Try it on!"

Then, the warrior did something she never did before - she hugged the princess. It was not one of those uncomfortable ones she had given back, when the younger girl had wrapped her arms around her, but a full-out hug that felt so right. Morgana yelped a bit because of the force Merlyn jumped on her, but hugged her back strongly too. "Alright, I feel like a little girl right now, so let's get me into that," Merlyn mumbled after a minute of just standing there and hugging, earning a snort from the princess.

After a good twenty minutes of getting Merlyn ready, she stood before the princess' mirror and just gawked at her reflection. The leather mails she had previously owned resembled vests, but this was like a combination of a jacket and an armor. It was skintight and needed no corset under it, made of hardened leather and it had some hard metal embedded in it, but it was still very flexible and gave her a lot of room to move. It was black of course, and had straps all over, to fasten and to keep it from opening suddenly. It had a open neckline, but also buttons so she could close the high collar it had, that reached the underside of her chin. But while the buttons were open, it looked more casual and showed her cleavage like any of her tunics did - well a bit better but still.. The sleeves were more like vambraces and pauldrons, but connected together to form a sleeve like on a jacket and were also made from leather. There was a small, but clear Pendragon dragon embroidery on the collars right side. Otherwise the armor was black and had some details in red, like the straps. The box contained gauntlets too, made from the same material - they reached her elbows and left half of her fingers bare and they too had the Pendragon sigil on them.

Merlyn locked eyes with Morgana's reflection, and saw her on the verge of tears. "You look… wow. Just amazing. A little scary," she admitted with a grin, "but amazing. And beautiful, not just good. Even with an sort of armor as scary and impressive like that, you somehow make it look like a dress looks like on.. well, me." Merlyn had to laugh at her rambling, but this time could not disagree. Her hair was now in two tight braids that were hanging over her shoulders, so she saw herself better. Even with the scars on her face - the one on her lip and the two faint ones on her cheek - she did look rather good.

Merlyn turned to the younger girl with a knowing smile on her face. "So, who is this really from?" She asked, lifting her right eyebrow at her. Morgana flushed a bit and had to turn to hide it but the warrior had already seen it.

"I told you, it's from me. And… _Leon_! And from Leon," the princess exclaimed as she spun around and pointed a finger at her with a wide smile. Merlyn still noticed that she was hiding something, but had already figured it out. She just nodded and turned to look at her reflection once more, before saying goodbye to the princess and heading straight to the tavern. This time, she only had her sword with her - no daggers. Even Merlyn was not so paranoid.

The tavern was full. Like, actually backed completely full - there was so much shouting that Merlyn actually jumped a bit and had to dodge a tankard that flew at her when she stepped in. The Rising Sun was the most popular tavern in Camelot, and rightly so; even when it was quite small and somewhat dirty, it had musicians playing some kind of fast, playful tune in one corner, a huge fireplace in the other and a long, wooden bar that had a lot of stools before it. There were at least a dozen tables covering the floor, and a few booths on the back.

"Welcome, miss. What ya having?" The bartender greeted as he leaned against the bar. Merlyn walked over, ignoring the lingering looks some of the drunken customers were giving her and placed a few coins in front of the man. The bartender seemed to notice the sigil on her new attire, and his eyebrows rose to his hairline as his eyes flew to hers.

"The best ale you got," she smirked and got a huge smile from the man as he took the silver and walked to the backroom. Meanwhile, Merlyn let her eyes roam the room, looking for the knights. It took her a while before she saw them in one of the booths in deep conversation. She recognized Leon first because he had his face to her, and then Arthur, Hugo, Pellinore and Evan, who were all wearing their casual attires, but still had their swords hanging from their belts. None of them had seen her yet.

A big tankard appeared before her and with a sweet grin she thanked the man, and made her way across the room. Merlyn adjusted the new jacket she had, and then after a few steps was standing almost next to the prince, who's attention was at his tankard. Leon noticed her first and stammered a quick 'hello' with wide eyes before anyone else saw her. The knights all greeted her, trying to keep their eyes on her face and not her body. Not that Merlyn minded right now, she was actually quite enjoying the attention - for the first time ever.

She grinned at them and looked down at Arthur's head. He had not turned, probably just thought it was some random person. "Are you going to greet me, or do I have to pour all this on your head first?" She asked with a voice filled with amusement and raised her tankard a bit. Her voice brought Arthur out of whatever deep thought he was having and he spun around, eyes wide in wonder. "And no, you are not hallucinating. I am actually here. Now make some room for me too," Merlyn ordered and waved her hand at the men. They all moved, so Merlyn got a place next to the prince - who was blushing furiously and not meeting her eyes. She just smirked and took a big gulp from her tankard.

She kept quiet for the most part, just listening the men talk about something extremely mundane. They seemed to be a bit wary of talking about… whatever they talked about normally, but after one promise from Merlyn that she could not care less even if they were talking trash about her, they finally started to relax. Well, all but Arthur. The man was rigid next to Merlyn and pointedly stared at his tankard, face still a little flushed after almost an hour. He looked like he had been drinking for a while now, at least judging by his slightly unfocused eyes.

Emptying her tankard, she turned slightly to him and stared at him intently, waiting for him to look back. When he did - shyly, which was quite weird in itself but Merlyn put that to the drinking - Merlyn smiled brightly. "Thank you," she said in a hushed voice. Arthur frowned and tried to look confused, but the smile tucking the corners of his lips up betrayed him.

"For what?" Merlyn raised a brow at him while leaning forward a bit, until their faces were only inches apart. She felt his warm breath on her face as she peered at his eyes for a moment, before smiling again. Arthur swallowed deeply, but stared right back.

"This," she motioned to her jacket slash armor. Arthur's eyes strayed down involuntarily, but snapped back up when she snorted. "I don't think Morgana has the knowledge for this. So, _thank you_. I love it." That made him finally smile, and lower his eyes back to his tankard. He mumbled something while he turned his face away, but it was cut off when Merlyn placed a quick peck on his jaw, not being able to reach any higher. None of the others luckily noticed, but the prince sure did - he flung his wide eyes back to her, mouth open and trying to form words again. Merlyn did not blame him for that reaction, for she had been more friendlier for the last hour than she had been in the last two and a half months. It would shock anyone.

"I think almost dying changes a person," she hummed and got up to get another drink, all the while feeling Arthur's burning gaze on her back. _Yes, it really does._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've sort of decited that I'm going to be writing some 'the time between' things, like to show you where the characters are going and how their relationships are doing and stuff like that. I have this problem that everything makes sense to me while I write the 'main stuff' but then I realize later that I think of something that has happened but I never remember to explain it :D So there will be a few shorter chapters here too, I really can't write the 12.000 word chapters all the time :D
> 
> And yes, I still like this one, but it moved sort of fast. But, the most important thing was to introduce Carl/Nimueh/whatever to Merlyn and get Arthur and Merlyn's relationship to take a step forward.
> 
> Oh, and sorry about Lancelot. Don't murder me, we still have Gwaine!


	8. Runaway warrior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll probably agree with me here after reading this chapter, but I am no expert in Old English so the spells here will be butchered. Badly. But, hey, I tried and I'll also try to provide some translations at the end of the chapter! The spells are constructed like a puzzle - I typed a word, took the best one and tried to make it work. Feel free to correct them, if you see the need! :D 
> 
> And, this chapter will have some mildly disturbing descriptions of torture etc, nothing too bad, but just warning you.
> 
> AND! I know I said I won't be updating for a while but oh well. I like this chapter too much :D

The last two weeks had been like the most bittersweet torture - mostly bitter -  Arthur had ever experienced. After Merlyn had appeared in the backed up tavern with him and the four very drunk knights, and suddenly transformed to this amazing, witty, insolent, fun,  _sweet_  young woman, Arthur had felt himself slowly fall into a place there was no escaping. A place called 'you like her and you want her, but cannot do anything, but  _oh how you want to'._ So, yes, it was bad. And the worst part? Merlyn had  _no_  idea, none whatsoever. Arthur had been pleasantly surprised how well he acted like nothing had changed. They still argued like an old married couple, pushed each other's buttons whenever they could and did everything else like they had before the damn poisoning, but for him it was different now - everything he said was laced with fondness he tried badly to cover up, he enjoyed making her laugh or smile that impish grin that lit the whole room and watched her from the sidelines more than he should have, but could not stop. And it was  _bad_ , mostly because a certain someone had noticed.

" _Admit it, Arthur_!" The princess yelled as she slammed his hand on top of the report he was in the process of trying to read, effectively knocking his hand against the wooden surface at the same time. "I have eyes on my head and a working brain, so I notice these things." Arthur sighed and let go of the parchment and rubbed his aching knuckles, slowly lifting his eyes up to his sister who was currently glaring at him like he was the worst behaving child in the Five Kingdoms. Which he probably was, to be honest.

"Admit  _what_ exactly?" He asked, feigning ignorance the best he could. Of course Arthur knew what she was on about, but did not want to admit it out loud. Why should he? It could never happen, not while his father was the king and he was the prince - so, ever really. "I have done a lot of things in my life, Morgana, you really need to learn how to explain yourself better."

Morgana scoffed and threw her arms in the air. Waves of barely restrained anger were coming off of her. "That you  _like_  her!" She hissed and pointed a finger at him, making him recoil a bit as it came very close to his nose, "and don't try to deny it. Even if everyone else does not see it, I do." Again, Arthur sighed but this time it was more of a sad one, coming straight from the place in his heart and mind he never knew even existed - the place of his broken hopes. Never had he faced a situation he could not fix, or a person he could not win to his side or for himself. He was privileged and he knew it, but  _damn it_. He lowered his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

Morgana waited patiently, leaning her hands against the reports on his desk and staring intently at his face as it fell. "It does not matter even if it were true, Morgana. Nothing could ever happen," he murmured as he let his hand fall back down. He did not need to look at her to see the disappointed look on her face. The girl was a hopeless romantic, so there was nothing to do to make her see the truth. She would hope for the best until the world ended, and probably even after that.

It was silent for a while between them, the only sound being the muffled commotion coming from the courtyard behind the window. Then there was a quiet rustle of Morgana's skirt as she walked around the table and wrapped her arms softly around Arthur's shoulders. "Don't lose hope, Arthur," she mumbled against his temple. The prince closed his eyes for a while, trying to hope like his sister did, but did not see any light beyond the tunnel.

He sighed once more and shook his head a bit. "Even if there was a possibility, she has no interest in me. Or _anyone_ for that matter," admitted Arthur. This was the closest he had come in the two weeks to admit anything to his sister. The girl never let go of him, just shifted a bit to see his face better. Pale eyes stared back at her emerald ones, that were shining with compassion and sisterly love that was so like her. But she never said anything to confirm or deny his words, just squeezed his shoulders and humming silently, once more before walking around the table again.

"Well, I still think you should not let go so easily," Morgana stated as she sat across the table, but left the topic at that. "Are you joining dinner tonight? Father has been asking for you the last few nights."

The prince shrugged and rubbed his hands over his face, propping his elbows against the desk. "Maybe. There are too many reports to go through for tomorrow. I'd ask Leon for help, but he's too busy with the newest guards. How hard is it to learn the correct routes to take on patrol?" He groaned behind his hands and heard Morgana giggle a bit at his desperation. She too had probably seen how the prince, Leon and even Merlyn were seething because of the new guards' lack of brain.

Morgana left after talking about the incompetence of the guards, so Arthur got to focus on the reports finally. It was quite freeing to talk about Merlyn and the lack of hope their relationship had, because now he was able to actually think about something else and finish the reports in time. The sun was already setting by the time he was finished, so the dinner with his father and Morgana was probably about to start. Arthur called for George to find him something better to wear, and stepped to the window in the meanwhile. He had been treating the servant a lot better after Merlyn had pointed out, how he really needed his and the others respect to be a good king. Sure, he had know it before, but three months ago he had been in a bad place in his life - too much stress, no one to spend time with and just utterly, and weirdly lonely. But then came in Merlyn, who changed just about everything - the knights were no longer just there to train and fight together but more like friends, the prince now had a actual friend and not just people working for him, and even his relationship with Morgana seemed better.

 

Hoof beats brought his attention to the courtyard. The rider was speeding across the yard like riding to a battle, wearing a black cloak that covered their face. But Arthur recognized the horse; the dark brown stallion with white marks, the one horse Arthur recognized as easily as his own white stallion. The rider was Merlyn. He frowned at the sight, but had no time to go after her. And it seemed that she was not really riding  _from_  anything, just riding away in a hurry and wanted no one to bother her. Perhaps she had some business that was urgent? Or went to see someone? Even when Merlyn so adamantly insisted that she was not interested in any men, it would not be such a surprise if there was someone she was seeing in secret - even if the prince felt a painful stab in his gut after that line of thought. So he let her be, and just turned to George who had his clothes out.

A bit later Arthur was already sitting in the dining room at his father's left while he sat on the head of the table and Morgana on the king's right. They were eating in silence, just enjoying each other's company. They really had nothing to talk about these days, as the king heard everything when they reported back to him after patrols and Arthur had nothing to complain about Merlyn anymore.

"How are the newest knights coming along? And the new guards?" Uther asked after they finished their main course and were waiting for dessert. Arthur took a sip of his wine before answering, already feeling slightly tipsy from the wine since he had not had any for a while. It sure was a bit stronger than the ale he had had a while ago. "I heard that the guards were having some trouble with the routes. I hope Sir Leon has everything in control?"

"They are coming along well. Now that Charles and Jackson managed to pass their tests, the ranks feel more complete. Sirs Albyn and Nicholas need a bit more work regarding their techniques, but by the looks of it, Merlyn's teachings are getting through," he answered and pointedly ignored the look Morgana gave him after the mention of Merlyn. He also hoped that his father did not see the slight blush on Arthur's cheeks. The king hummed, satisfied and focused on his dessert. "And, uh.. the guards are a bit  _slower_  than usually, but I think they'll get there soon enough. Sir Leon has been very patient."

Uther wiped his mouth with the napkin, eyes trained on his son and filled with laughter. "And are you still saying I'm an idiot for giving miss Merlyn this job, then?" The question made Arthur choke on his wine a bit and Morgana stifled a giggle in her hand at his reaction. Even his father seemed a bit amused, but said nothing. The king had made it very clear from the beginning that he was not wrong in appointing the job to a woman. Arthur and his father had argued for days about it before the prince had awkwardly shuffled to dinner and complimented the girl for the first time.

The prince coughed for a while to clear his dry throat and his  _very_ jumbled thoughts. They seemed form millions of knots every time the girl's name was spoken. "No, father, I am not… And I apologize for saying that," he muttered and grinned sheepishly at his king. The man waved a dismissive hand at his apologies. "It was an odd thing then and things have changed after she joined us, but… it's not a bad thing, I think. At least it keeps the men in line." Now the king too smiled and nodded at him. They remained mostly silent for the rest of the night.

 

***

 

The first day after Merlyn rode out of the city, Arthur thought nothing of it. He just figured that she had something important to do and would come to training as usual the second day, maybe he would even see her the first night before sundown. So, the second day, bright and early, Arthur left his chambers earlier like usual to have his one-on-one training hour with Merlyn, like they had done for the past two weeks now. He held his scabbard in his hand, as he made his way to her door. Humming silently, he knocked on the wood and called for her to get her lazy ass out of the bed, like every day. But unlike every other morning, there was no answer. No muffled curse for him to jump off a battlement, or an annoyed order to run before she got to him. Arthur frowned a bit, knocking again but slightly harder than earlier.

When there was still no answer, he slowly opened the door and peered inside, careful not to surprise her in a almost naked state or anything. The room was empty and the bed made perfectly, so no one had slept there that night, or had gotten up much earlier than usual. Feeling a bit bemused now, he just closed the door harder than needed and went back to his own room to wait for training to start or to Merlyn to run to his room a bit later. He created a perfect lecture for her for the disappearance, not informing him and just generally about her behavior, and flopped on his comfy chair to stare at the door and just waited for her to come.

But she didn't, and Arthur went to training alone again. The knights were clearly baffled of him coming there later than them, and without Merlyn but never said anything about it. They probably thought that they had a fight or something, but when she never came, they started to ask questions, seemingly sure that Arthur was the one who would know everything about Merlyn and her movements. And it meant Thomas mostly, as the man almost cornered the prince after training but he never got an answers out of the prince, who was already annoyed enough. Leon was the only one he told about seeing her ride out two nights ago, but the knight knew absolutely nothing and had not seen her since training the day she had gone. Arthur's mood got no better that day, as he neglected his duties just to stand by the window, waiting for her to come back. She had better come up with a damn good reason for just vanishing like that and making Arthur worry like some desperate, love-sick fool who couldn't bear to be apart from her for a day. It was not a good look on him.

On the morning of the third day the disheveled prince, who had not slept that night, asked the knights going on patrol to keep an eye out for any signs of Merlyn. They took the order readily, even if a bit puzzled but never complained. Arthur spent that day mostly avoiding princess Morgana, who apparently thought it was his fault that Merlyn was gone. How was he going to explain that the warrior just up and vanished one night, and he did nothing? He'd lose his head for that, even when they all knew that if Merlyn really wanted to leave, no one could stop her. It was completely possible that she just decided to leave for good. The prince even went to Gaius to ask, if the old man knew anything, but got no answers.

Things did not change by the fourth day, and Arthur was turning into a mess. He hid it quite well, so only Morgana saw it and that was only because the girl barged into his room without permission. He ranted and raved at her about Merlyn, and her annoying habit of making him go crazy without even being there to do it. His sister just patiently listened to him, and eventually ended up comforting him, saying that Merlyn would come back soon, and would not leave for good without saying anything. The other person to see him agitated about the girl, was George - but he just got the worst part of it: Arthur's rage. The prince felt really guilty for yelling at the boy and throwing things at him all day, but it was clear that even George knew why he was like that and didn't seem to mind.

When the fifth day came, Arthur made a promise to himself that he would actually sent out search parties if Merlyn would not show up by the end of the day. And he would personally lead them, no matter what his father said. The king was fond of Merlyn too, and probably would not object too much, but it was a risk. But Merlyn had become a permanent, amazing part of their lives only after three months so none of them were ready to let her go for a long time - if ever, really. He was pacing around in his room when the sun had already gone down hours ago, when he heard someone ride through the gates. Arthur jumped to the window and saw a flash of a black cloak and a brown horse go to the stables. Gritting his teeth hard, he threw on his jacket and practically ran down to the yard to wait for her.

He ended up waiting by one of the white stone pillars, leaning against it and just stared at the direction of the stables. He was hidden from sight and almost melted in the shadows, so when Merlyn came to the square, she didn't see him. Arthur noticed how Merlyn's frame was rigid and almost trembling from the tension, jaw clenched and eyes full of rage and something else he could not distinguish. She walked straight past him, but he went after her, reaching out and touching her shoulder, her name already on his lips.

"Merl-" he didn't even have a chance to say her name completely, when she spun around, grabbed his wrist and flipped the prince around, his arm twisted painfully behind his back and her small body pressed tightly against his back to trap his arm between them, denying any movement from him. A black-hilted, sharp dagger appeared against his throat, the blade scraping the skin.

"Merlyn!  _Gods_ , it's just me, what are you doing?" Arthur yelped, gaping at the sudden hostility and tried to turn his head to look at her. He only heard a muffled curse before the dagger vanished and his arm got loose. Rubbing his arm Arthur turned, facing Merlyn. She didn't look at him, her eyes glued somewhere behind him, but the prince saw the muscles in her jaw tensing as she bit her teeth, clearly upset about something. Even her left eye was twitching, which was never a good sign.

"Where have you been?" He knew she wouldn't answer, but he had to try anyway. Just five days ago, them seeing each other brought a small, unsure smile on her full lips and made his day all the better. But now the lips he was daydreaming of were pressed in a firm, stubborn line.

Merlyn rolled her eyes, like the question was somehow too stupid to even be asked. "None of your business," came a cold answer. Merlyn turned around and strode to the castle, cloak pillowing behind her in a way that made her look like a dark goddess once more - maybe she was? Arthur shook the thought away and let out a heavy sigh, jogging after her. They had made such a good progress and became almost like friends - well, she was his friend and a good one at that, but she might not think that way about him - and now she was acting weird again.

"You do realize that when you're employed to the kingdom, you really can't just vanish for days without saying anything, right?" The prince asked in a vain attempt to lighten her mood a bit, again not expecting any answer, or a kind one at least. But what surprised him, was when she looked at him from the corner of her eye and her shoulders seemed to relax slightly. Her jaw was still tense, but the stony posture vanished.

"I know. I didn't have a choice," Merlyn answered. She sounded almost tired, even thought she still didn't seem to open up. Arthur's frowned a little - what was going on? Hesitating a little, he placed a hand on her shoulder, stopping her.

Merlyn turned her face slightly to the side, hiding under her hood. "What happened?" he asked, trying to catch her eye, but she seemed to be more interested looking at the wall. "You know, you don't have to be so distant from us. We're just trying to be your friends." Merlyn's shoulders tensed again, but he didn't give up this time.

"And me- I-uh.. Well, it would be easier to, uh, w-work with you if I knew something about you," Arthur admitted, feeling his cheeks heating slightly, embarrassed for his stuttering. Merlyn turned her eyes to his and seemed torn about something, but then her eyes turned away again, cold as usual. "And.. well, briefly I thought you'd left us," he chuckled nervously. Admitting that did not seem to make any difference, as she only looked more irritated because of it.

"I'm not here to make friends," she replied curtly and shrug his hand of her shoulder, walking away so fast he didn't get a chance to react. Arthur let out a heavy sigh, changing his direction to his sister's chambers instead of his own. Morgana was sitting in front of her mirror, eyes distant and didn't seem to notice his brother entering her room but jumped straight up when he called her.

"She's back," the prince announced. A relieved smile spread on his sister's lips, but it fell as soon as she saw the almost broken look in Arthur's eyes. Before she could even ask, Arthur buried his face in his hands as he sat on the bed. "I don't know if she's just tired, but it was like seeing the Merlyn from three months ago." He heard Morgana move and then the bed tipped a bit when she sat next to him.

"What do you mean?"

A muffled sigh sounded behind his hands. "I tried to ask what happened, and told that we're just trying to be her friends. I even admitted that I was worried she had left us, but she just… she just said she's not here to make friends, and left. Not even acknowledging my words, like she would have done a week ago," answered Arthur in a resigned voice. Morgana said nothing at first, but he saw her purse her lips in deep thought.

"Maybe she just had a bad day. Give her time," she advised, but did not really sound like even she believed her own words. Arthur just nodded but did not move anywhere just yet. Once again he hoped he had the blind faith his sister seemed to have about everything, and could just wish for the best. But what Morgana had not seen, was the cold look in Merlyn's eyes - it was like she cared no more about him or anyone really. He did not think that it was hopeless or anything, but it was worrying.

 

**M**

 

Kilgharrah had called her in the evening, five days ago. After a brutal training session and even staying there with Arthur for hours after it was over, the very tired and irritated Merlyn had been very reluctant in going to him, but he seemed to have some extremely urgent news for her. So, she had dragged herself out of her chambers, dressed in her black cloak once more and made her way to the cave. It was a bit harder to get there, when there was still a lot of people around the castle, but with the help of her magic, she managed fairly easily. The voice of the dragon was almost yelling at her to hurry, so when she got there, she was very pissed.

"Oh, please tell me what is so  _goddamn_  important that you need to give me a headache?!" Merlyn screamed at the lizard, when she landed on the ledge. She glared at him for a while, before registering the grim expression on his face. It made her heart plummet straight to her toes, as her head flew straight to the destruction of the world or something as bad. "Kilgharrah, tell me."

The creature lowered his huge head to her level. "Do you know the young druid called Mordred?" He asked in a low voice, golden eyes never leaving her face. The look would have made anyone else very nervous and probably wet themselves.  Merlyn nodded slowly, mind instantly going back to her past and to the sociopathic bastard she had known. "There is a prophecy regarding him. He will be one to stop you from fulfilling you destiny, if you do not prevent it."

Merlyn shifted in her place. "My destiny is to protect Arthur, right?" Kilgharrah nodded. "So… Are you saying that  _Mordred_ will be the one who will kill Arthur, if I don't stop him?" Another nod. Merlyn let out a frustrated growl and let herself drop on her knees against the ground, not caring about the pain it sent to her body. Of course it was Mordred, that man always found a way to make it harder for her to live her life.

"But he does not even know about the prophecy, or my magic. He was not raised with the druids, so why would he want to kill the prince?" She suddenly asked, raising her head to see the dragon. He stared at her a while, seemingly perplexed about her question, like it should have been the most obvious thing ever. Well, it wasn't. If the boy, who was a druid by birth but knew nothing about Arthur's or Merlyn's destiny, why would he want to kill him? Sure, he was the prince of a kingdom Mordred despised, but it still made no sense.

"Because he envies him. Because of  _you_ , young witch," he explained, voice now softer she had ever heard it. "He might not know about his or your destiny, but he will do anything to remove the prince and get you. And when he learns about your destiny, he might not believe that Arthur Pendragon is the Once and Future King. When he finds where you are, and I imagine it will not take long as he is currently in Camelot's land-"

"HE'S WHAT?! He's here? Why did you not say so right away?!" Merlyn screamed as she scrambled up. She knew what the man was capable of, and did not want any of it in Camelot or it could bring too much attention to Mordred and his motives, and with that, to her past.

_I promise, my darlin' Merlyn… One day, I will be the only thing you need. Where ever you go, whenever I want to and whoever you think you hold dear, I will find you and take you._

Mordred had promised that when he was almost sixteen and Merlyn fourteen, right after she had cut all ties to him. He was messed up and the most evil person Merlyn had ever met. He seemed to not feel anything, but had somehow formed an obsession about Merlyn that he thought was love. The words had been endearing at the time, but these days they only made Merlyn shiver uncontrollably. 

Kilgharrah sighed, bathing Merlyn in the warmth of his breath. It felt weirdly like home every time he did it. "I was just about to tell you, young witch. I do not know exactly where the boy is, but he is somewhere in the North right now. He has not learned to mask his powers like you have, so I can sense him. But he moves constantly, only leaving bodies behind," Merlyn felt shivers run up her spine at the words, and she knew what was coming, "it's like he's looking for  _someone._ "

"He's looking for me." Kilgharrah nodded and tilted his head as he watched her gather herself. She knew this day would come sooner or later, that someone of their group would try to find her. She had killed their leader, and number of their friends on her way to freedom but she never thought that Mordred would be the one. And that he would leave a trail like that? Mordred had always loved games, and those games involved death and destruction. Steeling herself, she looked back up at Kilgharrah.

"Then he must find me."

 

***

 

The shadows were her safety, when she rode out of the silent city that same night, taking advantage of the knowledge she had of the guard's patrols and when they changed shifts. She told no one that she was leaving, because she was not perfectly sure if she would even come back - she might end up dead or too ashamed to return. Both were bad options, but Merlyn knew it was a possibility. Mordred was a scheming little devil, who was like a child having a tantrum if things did not go the way he wanted. And when she did not want him to know about her magic, she would be outnumbered.

Hours later the sun was starting to peek around the clouds the next morning and the birds were once more singing in the cold morning air, as Merlyn mounted Saewig again to keep moving. The camp she had made for that night was nothing more than a small fire and her old bedroll, which she had not even used. The first place she was about to visit was a small village closest to Camelot in the North, and the place Kilgharrah had said he had felt Mordred last. Just to be safe, she had left everything with the Pendragon sigil back in Camelot, now wearing her leather vest and the other black cloak she had bought, just in case she ever had to be undercover. She still had her weapons, so the villagers knew she was a warrior and ran to her immetiadly when she jumped down from her horse.

The people were all talking at once, some of them crying their eyes out and it made her heart hurt. "Please, everyone!" Merlyn shouted over the loud noise, raising her arms to get their attention. "Just show me what is the problem. I'll do what I can to help." It was clear that they had not yet informed Camelot about the bodies, because they almost dragged her to a shed near the side. Maybe they were one of those villages that rarely got any help from the king? Or they were just desperate for help, and asked anyone who looked capable.

The shed was small, with a half-dropped ceiling and moldy walls. It only contained some firewood, and two covered corpses that made Merlyn's chest ache. Merlyn asked everyone to leave her alone for a moment, so she could study the bodies in peace. When she was left alone and the door was locked, she slowly moved to kneel next to the smaller corpse. It did not smell yet, but in two or three days the villagers would have to burn it to keep the smell away. Taking a deep, calming breath, Merlyn flung the cover from the corpses face and gagged hard at the sight.

It was just like she remembered. She had practically grown up seeing the thing Mordred did to his victims, those who were his jobs and those who weren't. The man had no sense of respect, and just wanted to have fun with the poor souls. He had always said that the way to see the soul of a person was the eyes, and that the soul saw everything after death too - so he took away their eyelids, making their glazed, milky-white eyes stare at nothing. The young girl whose body Merlyn was looking at with a hand covering her mouth, was only maybe thirteen with a dark hair and a pale complexion, and had probably never done anything to hurt anyone or to deserve to die so young and the way she had. Mordred had his way with his victims - he stalked them for days, made them nervous and jumpy with the help of his magic, and ended up chasing them through the woods for hours before killing them slowly by slitting their wrists or throat and removing the eyelids. Then he would just stay, and watch them die, not even cracking a smile or anything - just stared, emotionless. Thus the nickname  _psychotic bastard_ Merlyn called him. It was fitting.

Only after two minutes, Merlyn had to cover the girl up again before she started to cry and could not continue. She took another deep breath and placed her left hand gently on the covered forehead of the victim. The right one hovered somewhere around the girl's heart, as Merlyn muttered silently the words of the Old Religion.

 _"Ingefiele mé sé_   _cwælm sylfum hie. Ingefiele mé sé_   _cwælm sylfum hie. **Ingefiele mé sé**_ **_cwælm sylfum hie._** _"_

She had to repeat the spell more times than usually, but it was mostly because she had not done any sort of difficult magic in over a year. This spell allowed her to see the last minutes of the victim - even when Merlyn already knew who the killer was, she had to see it for herself. Maybe Mordred had said something about a plan, or… just something. Anything to help her task.

 

_"Sshhh…" a low voice shushed the whimpers she was letting out behind the gag. A quick glint of a sharp, curved dagger caught her eyes as it softly touched the skin of her left wrist where the skin was the most sensitive. It tickled ominously, making her shiver hard and fight her restraints. The magical gag in her mouth prevented her from screaming, when the man's face came to her level as he crouched in front of her leaning against the rough bark of the tree. She only saw the unruly puff of deep black hair, that curled around the boyish face of her attacker. "I'm almost sorry, you have to be the one here… but you look so much like her," he whispered, almost gently as his hands caressed her forearms. The strikingly pale gray eyes suddenly looked straight at her eyes-_

 

Merlyn let out a sharp gasp as she pulled herself out of the memory and backed up quickly so far that her back hit the opposite wall. It was definitely Mordred, and he had gone  _mental_. The young girl looked nothing like Merlyn, not like she was now at least. Maybe when she was twelve… Perhaps that was the point. Mordred had screwed up his chances when Merlyn had joined them, so he was fixated in that memory of her, trying to make a difference. But why would the dragon think Mordred was in love with her, if he killed the girls that looked like her? Was he just playing with her like one of his victims, waiting for her to crack and give up?

 

***

 

Merlyn followed the trail of the bodies for days without even noticing how fast the time went. She was so engrossed with her hunt, that she took no note on the days that flew by and did not even remember every person she met in the villages where the desperate, scared villagers begged for help she could not give. Every time she saw their faces her heart cracked more and more. She counted twelve victims in six different villages and there were always two of them - a man, that was different looking each time and a girl or a young woman with a dark hair and pale skin; Merlyn's doppelgangers in Mordred's eyes. She only rode forward, at some point circling back towards Camelot. That Merlyn only noticed, because she traveled past the first village she had visited. They never saw her, but she could smell the funeral fires that were still burning low, smelled the burning flesh of the deceased.

Maybe Mordred already knew where Merlyn was? He had no idea she had magic, so in his mind it would not be such a stretch for her to move to Camelot to stay safe from him. He must have heard some rumors of a female among the knights of Camelot, and if the stories said anything about what she looked like or how she fought, it would not be hard for Mordred to guess who they were talking about. And Merlyn knew perfectly well, that there were tales going around the Five Kingdoms about her, as it was unheard of that a woman was allowed to fight.

A sudden reek of rotting flesh caught her attention, as Merlyn was heading back to Camelot along a different route she had ridden the first day. She covered her mouth and nose with her cloak to keep the smell away, but knew she had to go see what it was. She hoped it was just a carcass of an animal, and not another body of Mordred's victims. She tied Saewig to a nearby tree, and ventured closer to the cave where the smell was coming from. It was so strong it made her eyes water, and the gagging came back forcefully. Merlyn had to stop for a moment to keep herself from vomiting the meager food she had remembered to back with her five days ago.

The cave was not too large, but the opening was wide enough to let in some light without her needing to use her magic, so when she finally turned back to see what was smelling, she saw them clearly - two bodies, all piled up in the corner, posed as if they were just sitting around a fire that was already burned up. The man was blonde and burly, arms wrapped around the shoulders of a black haired girl. Their eyelids were cut away, faces left in a horrified expression - mouths open, tear tracks on their faces and a bit of blood around the eyes and hollowed cheeks. Merlyn felt her eyes burn, and she just wanted to turn away and ride somewhere far away, never return to Camelot so Mordred would just follow her and leave everyone in the city alone. But something caught her attention; a piece of crumbled parchment was stuck in the girl's hand. It was too clean to have been there when they died.

"Oh bloody hell…" Merlyn whispered to herself as she crawled closer. Using a stick, she managed to get the parchment from the stiff hand and spread it in front of her to read it. The text was written in a neat, overly perfect handwriting she knew too well. Now she really did throw up.

 

_Do you like my gifts?  
Remember what I promised you, my little bunny._

After emptying her stomach right there next to the bodies and only tasting the acid from her stomach, she scrambled out of the cave with the letter in her hand and fought her tears again. The nickname was one that Mordred had called her when she had just joined their group. No one could see the letter, she would have to either hide it or burn it. Merlyn ran to her horse and jumped on him, not even looking around or thinking about taking care of the bodies. She was afraid, so afraid. But not for herself, but for the people in Camelot who had become close to her - the innocent citizens, Morgana, Gwen, Leon, Hugo… Arthur. Biting her teeth together, she kicked Saewig into a strong gallop, not seeing the pale eyes that watched her between the trees.

***

 

The ride back to Camelot went in a blur, Merlyn did not even pay attention to her surroundings the rest of the way. She might not have seen anyone, but after a while it felt like someone was watching her. It was a steady presence, moving when she moved and stopping when she did. It took her a while to realize that the presence was a magical one, and a familiar one at that. Mordred was following her. A feeling of terror filled her gut when she packed her camp, trying to stay calm to not show him that she had noticed him. It would raise too many questions, if she suddenly started to hurry. He could not know she knew about his presence.

Before she even noticed, she had arrived to the royal stables. Merlyn handed the horse to a groom working late, not remembering to thank him before leaving. The poor boy looked a bit confused and sad because she had always said something when she came there. But she was not too occupied with her thoughts to care.

The air was already freezing as the winter was closing in. No one was out that time of the night, except Merlyn and Mordred, who she sensed was somewhere in the woods beyond the training grounds. On the walk back to the castle, Merlyn had to make a decision, a decision that would hurt everyone - mostly Arthur. The man had seemed so happy when Merlyn emerged from her shell finally two weeks ago, like she was the friend he had been waiting his whole life. Merlyn would have to push everyone away again, at least for so long that Mordred would give up as he would not see anyone close to her. She just had to hope that the people actually close to her would not give up on her.

When she felt someone coming closer, her mind went straight to the deranged bastard she was trying to keep away so she acted on instinct - she spun around and grabbed the person by the wrist, spinning them around and had a dagger on their throat in the matter of seconds. Only then did she register the cloud of golden hair, and a much bigger frame than her stalker had.

The voice too was different - it was warm and friendly, even if a confused one, "Merlyn! Gods, it's just me, what are you doing?" She heard him exclaim and struggle to see her face. She cursed low and let go instantly, stepping back and tucked the dagger back to her belt. She was glad that her face was mostly hidden under the hood of the cloak, so Arthur would not see the struggle in her eyes. She just wanted to act like she had only five days earlier, just wanted to be the real her.

"Where have you been?" the prince asked, voice so annoyingly worried and friendly that it made Merlyn actually fight back tears. It would be too hard, too painful but she had to do it, to save him and hopefully everyone else too. She had this weird heroine-complex, that she could not tell anyone she was actually saving the day.

"None of your business," she answered, thanking the stars and gods that years of training allowed her to sound like she had no emotions about anything, and flipped around to walk inside, black cloak flying behind her. The fast footsteps behind her made her curse silently again - of course the stubborn idiot would not let go. She still felt Mordred somewhere close, so she could not let the façade down.  _Please, just let me be, Arthur,_ Merlyn thought desperately as the prince came beside her.

They made it close to the wing where their chambers were, when the man spoke again. "You do realize that when you're employed to the kingdom, you really can't just vanish for days without saying anything, right?" For a moment, Merlyn let the tension on her body drop and just hoped that Mordred was not able to see them now.

"I know. I didn't have a choice," Merlyn answered, eyes darting everywhere but to Arthur. She did not want to see him right now, because it would break her resolve immediately. Merlyn did not yet know if she counted Arthur as a friend, but he sure came close already - and Merlyn was never good at lying or pretending to her friends. She never wanted to hurt them, and the prince already sounded a bit hurt of her disappearance.

A hand landed on her shoulder suddenly and pulled her to stop. She felt the comforting warmth of Arthur palm even through her clothes. "What happened? You know, you don't have to be so distant from us again. We're just trying to be your friends." Oh, how that hurt. So bad. Merlyn had to squeeze her eyes shut tight to keep herself from looking at him. Why did Mordred exist? The man made everyone's life so much harder, and he only did that to his own pleasure. Mordred was a man trained to kill and hide his emotions almost since birth, and he had taken it way too literally.

"And me- I-uh.. Well, it would be easier to, uh, w-work with you if I knew something about you," Arthur suddenly admitted and made her heart burn. He should not say that, not now, not when she was so close on succeeding. For years the façade of not caring and being cold, emotionless warrior was the easiest thing she had ever done, but now it was too hard to get it back. Merlyn had known that letting people in would end up being the worst - and best - decision of her life. "And.. well, briefly I thought you'd left us."  _Oh, Arthur, please don't…_ she though, knowing he would be devastated after this. Taking a silent, deep breath she squared her shoulders again and shook the hand away.

"I'm not here to make friends."

Merlyn practically ran to her chambers to get away from the prince she almost thought almost as a friend -  _no, he was a friend, goddamn it._  When she got the door closed and locked, she slammed her fist against the stone wall next to the door and bit her tongue to keep the yell of pain and frustration away. The skin of her knuckles cracked and a few lines of blood dripped down the fist, but she could not care less as she leaned against the door and slowly let herself sink to the floor, quietly crying against her bent knees.

In her head, Merlyn vowed that she would stop Mordred, whatever it took.

 

***

 

Training the next day was strained. Everyone knew something had happened, but no one had the guts to ask anything. There were no joyful chatter among them, no jokes or bantering to be heard from Arthur and his advisor or anything else that had been normal just six days ago. Merlyn channeled the feeling of her broken soul to her fighting. She was only a blur of vicious attacks, fast dodges and no words or smiles. Every one of her opponents from the knights lost, and her favorite sparring partner did not even try his luck. He just stood there on the side, watching with that same broken look in his eyes he had the last night. In only made Merlyn feel angrier, but for the first time she was only angry at herself. Merlyn  _really_ wanted to just go and tell Arthur everything, maybe even her magic and the prophecy, she just needed someone to open up to. Being alone had been her favored way to live three months ago, but then entered  _the Pendragon siblings._ Those two did not even have a clue how big of a change they had started in Merlyn.

Sir Leon landed on the ground with a yell after a nasty kick of Merlyn's boot. She did not even stop to help him up, only spun around and wiped the layer of sweat from her face. The presence was still there and she swore she had seen Mordred standing by the fence just a moment before, just staring at her with that cold, void look in his eyes and a cruel smirk on his lips.

Leon groaned behind her loudly as he barely got himself up. "What is going on with you, Merlyn?" He had the courage to finally ask, when Merlyn stopped to take a gulp from her waterskin. The only answer was a vague shrug before the warrior walked away from the grounds. Every single knight there just stared after her and when she disappeared from sight, they turned to the prince. He grumbled something under his breath with a somewhat sad look on his face and left too.

Back in her room, there was a visitor sitting on her bed. She was smoothing slowly the wrinkles on Merlyn's sheets and when the occupant of the room came in, she spun around so quickly that she almost lost her balance. Morgana snorted at her own clumsiness nervously, but the small grin vanished when she saw the look on Merlyn's face. The witch knew how she looked - like the person she was when she came to Camelot. "What can I do for you, my Lady?" She asked in a polite tone void of any affection it had had before.

Morgana pursed her lips and sat down on the bed. "I want you to tell me, why you are doing this?" The princess asked, almost begged even. Merlyn's already burning heart hurt twice as much after her question but she forced herself to just shrug and move to the dining table. She set her sword belt on it and pulled the mail off. Her blue tunic was soaking with sweat and clinging against her torso.

"Please, Your Highness, I would like to be left alone to have a bath," said Merlyn after a moment of silence. She never turned to the princess, but could imagine the look on the younger girl's face. There was a small sound of skirts brushing against the floor and then the door slammed shut behind the monarch. It was then that Merlyn finally had the courage to let her shoulders droop and sigh heavily. "I'm sorry…" she whispered to the empty room.

 

***

 

Hours after midnight, there was a sound of something heavy being slammed against something and a crash after that. Merlyn was out of her bed in just seconds and soon after that emerging from her room with her sword in hand. A quick glance at the corridor made it clear that there was an attack at the prince - the two guards situated at his door were lying unconscious on the floor and there was still sounds of struggle coming from the room. Merlyn did not even hesitate as she ran towards the door.

The sight inside was a surprising one, to say it simply. It was a battle, but not a fair one. Arthur was fighting with a dagger and his fist and bare feet, only wearing his trousers and not even a shirt. He had a cut going across his bare chest, and two more on his right arm, but it did not seem to slow him down. There were three men dressed in black lying dead on the floor and two more still fighting against the prince, but Arthur seemed to have the upper hand, even when injured and fighting against two men with two blades each. Merlyn had to admit to herself, that seeing the man fight like this and looking like the knight he was born to be, made him seem more like the king he was apparently destined to become.

"Well, that's just unfair, lads," Merlyn called from the door. A kick to the stomach sent the prince just then flying backwards, and the attackers spun to her now. They smirked at the sight of a girl holding a blade and only wearing her too big, white tunic and the old, ragged leggings' she slept in. The warrior had to roll her eyes at their faces - not everyone appreciated a fighter in an unconventional form.

"And are we now supposed to be afraid of you?" The other, smaller man sneered as they took a few step to her, both clutching daggers in both their hands. They were wearing familiar looking clothes, Merlyn noticed and took a quick peek at the other men lying on the floor. Everything they wore was colored either black or grey, and they had sturdy leather vests over their tunics. For a moment, Merlyn's breath hitched -  _she had once owned the exact same kind of clothes._ Dark blue eyes flung back at the men, ready to fight but she suddenly just grinned at them.

"Not me. Him," and pointed behind the men. They frowned and turned their head only to see a quick glance of the murderous prince standing behind them before they got viciously hit in the heads by the fists of Arthur. Both fell to the ground instantly, just unconscious this time, so Merlyn relaxed a bit. It took her a second to remember what she had been thinking just a minute ago. The men, they were from the group she had escaped from. They had not been there then, so they were probably new recruits and now working for… who? Well, the answer to that was fairly simple - Mordred. He was the only one insane enough to take on Gregor's job.

"Are you alright?" She asked after Arthur had called the guards. Merlyn had moved to stand next to his long dining table, the first time really visiting his chambers. They were huge and quite plain to be honest, as there were no flowers, memorabilia from childhood or travels or even small decorations - only the table and high-backed chairs, a fireplace and some cupboards in the antechambers that were decorate with the familiar red and gold curtains and rugs. There was an archway to the sleeping chambers, but Merlyn only managed to see the big, messed up bed where the prince had probably jumped right out when he was attacked - judging by his clothes at least - and the desk in front of another fireplace.

The prince glanced down at his chest that was bleeding slightly, but it wasn't a serious wound. "I am," he mumbled looking up again, this time straight at her. Merlyn gave him a small nod and bent down to grab one of the attackers. "What do you think you're doing?" The prince asked as she helped the guard lift him up.

She raised a brow at him. "My job. I thought you'd appreciate it, so I wouldn't be lazy in your eyes for once," came a dry reply, but Arthur had no chance to form any words to answer as she had already vanished out of the door. She heard the telltale sound of a fist slamming against wood behind her, but never went back. She really did have a job to do.

 

***

 

It took a bit of convincing, but Merlyn was taken to the prisoners. From what she had heard, the two men were reluctant to talk, so she wanted to try her own ways. She'd had to make sure no one would be outside the cells when she was there, but Merlyn knew she'd manage somehow. Asking questions was proving to be a rather un-useful method, and she hated torture, so the last option really was magic. Perhaps the only good thing Merlyn learned about mind-magic in her youth was the spell to dig around in a person's head. It took a lot of effort from even her, and sometimes left the target unconscious for days.

The guard led her to the right cell and was about to stand outside, when Merlyn placed a hand on his elbow, donning on her winner smile. "I don't think they'll talk, if they think the person hearing them is a knight or a guard. They have no idea who I am." The man looked really hesitant, but really could not refuse her as her station was quite high in rank compared to that of a guard. The bowed low to her and stomped off. Merlyn kept the smile on her face as long as she saw him, but when the red cape disappeared behind a corner, the warrior-witch came out. She entered the cell and saw the men chained to the back wall, both almost dozing off.

"Well, well. Isn't it the lady who tried playing a knight, hm?" The other one snorted as he bravely tried to straighten in his place. Merlyn pulled the cell door close, and just stood there a while, mostly hidden in the shadows. The men could not see her clothes or weapons then, only a sliver of light got on her and that illuminated her left eye and a part of her raven black hair. "Came to deliver us our last  _gift_?" He continued in a sneering, disgustingly suggesting voice as the other one chuckled darkly. It was repulsive, but nothing she would not have expected from them.

Merlyn took a step closer, the light now illuminating the whole left side of her face and showed them the cruel grin on her face. "Oh I am," she hummed, "but I don't think it'll be the gift you're expecting." Another step closer, and now the light showed the armor Arthur had given her and the line of four daggers on her belt. One more step , and now she was completely in the light in her full glory - the armor-jacket, sword belt with the daggers, leather pants and her highest boots. Her blue eyes were almost shining in the moonlight, and the wicked grin on her face made her whole appearance more menacing. The eyes of the men were so wide and unmoving that Merlyn was momentarily scared they had already died right there.

She crouched in front of them, spinning one of the daggers between her fingers. "So, you-" she pointed to blade at the one who was talking all the time, "-are going to tell me why you were trying to kill the prince. And you- " the tip of the dagger shifted to the other one, who gulped loudly, "-are going to tell me who it was that gave you the order. Because if you don't, you'll leave no choice but use some of my…  _skills_  on you," she announced while still grinning, voice almost sweet but she knew they could hear the threat there too.

The man number one snorted and crudely spat on her jacket. "I ain't telling you shit," he snarled and stubbornly leaned firmly against the filthy wall. Merlyn sighed almost sadly as she wiped the spit off of her jacket, but looked expectantly at the other one. He looked a bit like he wanted to talk, but also snapped his teeth together and pressed his lips in a firm line. They were taught well, she'd give them that. But it seemed that Mordred had conveniently forgotten to tell the new ones about one important fact - who was Merlyn, and why spitting on her was a  _terribly_  bad idea.

She gave them a few, silent minutes to choose the other option, but they were not even looking at her anymore. "Well, that's quite fine," the witch finally stated nonchalantly and slapped her palms against her thighs before getting up. "I do want to do something else here than just have a meaningless chat with you." Walking back to the bars, she let her eyes flash gold and show her the way to the corridor leading to the cell. Only one guards sat on a bench there and he looked like he was about to fall asleep.

" _Swefe nu,_ " she whispered so quietly that the prisoners heard nothing. With her eyes still glowing, she saw the guard slump in his chair, gone to the world for a few hours at least, maybe more. She let her magic go a bit further still, straight to the stairs that led to the dungeons. " _Gewærlæce gif sum sceal þurhleóran,_ _"_ the second spell left an invisible barrier just at the bottom of the stairs. It would give her the warning to stop her spells and knock the prisoners out so they would not say anything and act like she had just finished interrogating the men. Oh, that reminded her…

Merlyn spun around so fast that the men saw nothing coming and smashed the heel of her boot at the others cheek, and her fist to the others eye. Satisfied with their pain and discomfort, she crouched down again and smiled sweetly at them as they glared at her while whining something unintelligent. "Oh, I had to make it look like I just beat you up, did I not?" Merlyn scoffed and waived a hand at their complaints. "Now, there's two things you should know before we start. And just for the record, no one will hear you if you scream… or believe you, whatever you say."

She leaned a bit forward and looked at the mouthier one straight in the eye as her eyes slowly changed color. It started from the pupil. The molten gold swirled slowly outwards, slowly but mesmerizingly covering up the blue in her irises'. The annoyance fell from the men's faces and terror took its place. The sweet smile turned to a wicked smirk as they tried to back away, but the stone wall and chains stopped them before they could even try. The chains tightened around their wrists to keep them in place. "The second thing is, that I practically grew up with Mordred, as I too worked for Gregor," hummed Merlyn after the men finally calmed down. She never let her eyes turn back, so the golden stare was probably a bit unnerving. "And I was worse than him."

The men laughed, shaking their heads. "You cannot be worse than him, you lying wench!" The older man shouted and struggled a bit in his chains. "The man feels nothing, kills everything without an ounce of remorse. You can't be worse than  _that._ "

Merlyn grinned again. "Oh but I am. It is true that he feels nothing, kills if the job asks it and is the coldest person you've ever met. But the thing is," the pause let her watch for a while for the men to start sweating, "I do everything he does and I am everything he is… but I feel  _everything._ " And then she almost jumped forward. She sent a spell at the more silent man to make him fall asleep at the same time she grabbed the others head from the sides and growled low; " _Ingefiele folcsóp._ " The spell sucked her in the man's mind so fast she almost lost her balance. The prisoner - Ector, she found out in his head - gasped hard because of the pain he was experiencing from the spell.

 

_They were staying in a wet, stinky cave that night. The group has been on the run for almost six months now, when the new leader decided that the castle was not safe anymore. They had been staying in one place for a week for the longest time, and that was just because two of them were injured._

_"I've got a job for you Ector," a shout sounded from the cave entrance as Mordred sauntered in, flipping his almighty curly hair that always made the girls swoon over him. He walked straight to Ector, one of the best men he had. "Since I have my plate full these days hunting for my favorite rabbit, you get the fun job I have been saving up." Now the man's ears were open - a fun job would equal a fun pay. And Mordred never gave bad information._

_"Name it," Ector smirked. Mordred clapped his shoulder, but did not smile - he never it. It made every one very nervous and no one knew exactly how to be around the young man, but they had to live with it if they wanted the money._

_"A job, that requires more than one man. As much as I trust your set of skills, stealth alone is not going to get you into the chambers of the prince of Camelot and kill him," the curly haired man explained, and waved over four more men. "Everyone will get the full pay, if this one goes well. It is a request from yours truly," the eyebrows on Mordred's face raised to make it clear he was talking about himself. It was strange for Mordred to use his fighters to do his dirty work, especially when the death of this prince seemed to be important. But Ector never turned down a job._

_"Oh, and when you get there, make sure you say hi to my little bunny for me."_

Merlyn jerked back from the mind of the assassin and met his dark eyes. Ector was now staring at her with wide eyes - he saw what she saw. "You're the one he's been looking for?" He whispered. The girl gritted her teeth, but nodded. The man would be dead when the sun rose, so it was no matter if she admitted it. Now she at least had a confirmation, that Mordred had not believed her little act of keeping away from Arthur, Morgana and the others, as he had probably stalked her for weeks. How could she be so stupid?! Luckily - and somewhat unluckily - Mordred was not one to act without a huge, complex plan of some kind, so she had time to prepare.

The now blue eyes latched on to the dark ones. "You do realize now, that it was never about killing the prince?" She asked, smiling sadly. It was another sign of how Mordred cared for no one and nothing. "He sent you here to show me he knows I'm here and that he could get in whenever he wanted, and for you to eventually die." Ector seemed to have acknowledged that fact already, as he just dropped his head and slumped against the wall. Sometimes she hoped she had never left, but just gotten rid of Gregor and taken over the business herself, taken better care of the people than either of the two men.

"I'm sorry, Ector. But I need to erase your memory of me," she eventually sighed and got a confused look from him. "As much as I would want to, I can't trust you. Too much of a risk. But I'll leave you numb for tomorrow, both of you. You'll feel no pain." The promise would not give them much, but it seemed to help Ector a little. He nodded, muttered a quiet apology and closed his eyes as Merlyn placed the sleeping spell on him too.

" _Forġiete séo helrýnegu_.  _Gefrēde_   _náþing_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the spells and their horribly incorrect translations (I really do suck at these, but I TRY :D)
> 
> Ingefiele mé sé cwælm sylfum hie = reveal me the death of her  
> Gewærlæce gif sum sceal þurhleóran = warn if some shall pass through  
> Ingefiele folcsóp = reveal the plain truth  
> forġiete séo helrýnegu = to forget the witch  
> Gefrēde náþing = to feel nothing


	9. Who even likes the Sidhe?

The snow came and left quite quickly and the weather slowly started to warm again. The birds were coming back from the South, trees seemed to be alive and green again, and the Lower Town was starting to wake up from its winter slumber. There were children running around, playing in the melting snow and annoying their parents like never before. There were some odd merchants too, ready to bring the market back alive again and earn their coins after the harsh winter. But the one place the coldness never left was Merlyn.

It was her fifth month in Camelot, and the last two had been the worst ones she had ever experienced. Her birthday had come and gone, and no one other than Gaius knew, and even he had not said anything. The months even rivaled the years she spent with her kidnapper, and even those with Gregor! While not everything was horrible with Gregor and his group of assassins, Merlyn still would not go back - not even if her life depended on it. But the last two months in Camelot… They were torture. Morgana, the sweet, genuinely friendly Morgana, tried to get through the warrior's cold exterior - _again_. She tried to invite Merlyn to dinner every day, to rides through the forest and just to sit in her chambers and talk. But Merlyn, ever the villain apparently, decline every invitation and spent all her time either in her own chambers or on the training grounds. But then, there was poor Arthur.

He hadn't exactly given up either, but did not try so hard anymore. The first month and a half he had tried so hard, someone could have mistaken it for courting. Merlyn even heard how Uther had taken it to himself to have a talk with Arthur about it, but then left it alone for some reason she did not know. But Arthur… he did not sent her gifts or anything like that, but had actively tried to speak to her, accompany her to places when she rarely went anywhere besides travelled the route between her chambers and the training yard, and just seemed to latch on to her side like a needy child. It would have been endearing if she had not tried so bad to keep her distance from everyone, just because of Mordred.

Mordred on the other hand, had just up and vanished after over a month of stalking Merlyn and driving her crazy - the man had appeared in the market just to stare at her, was asking servants to deliver messages to her and when she was on patrol, Mordred would just follow them around and make Merlyn act all jumpy about everything. But one morning almost two weeks ago, Merlyn did not feel his presence anymore. While it did lift her spirits and offer her some hope of a better life, Merlyn was afraid to hope too soon so she kept the act going. Then, Arthur seemed to break completely and just… left. Not completely, of course, he still had his duties and everything, but left her alone. He wasn't smiling anymore to anyone, not really speaking or leaving his chambers if not necessary. Merlyn was getting really worried for him, but decided to give it a while. If Mordred did not suddenly come back again and if Arthur was still living like a hermit after a week, Merlyn would make contact again and try her best to explain everything. Well, at least something. She had made up her mind to tell the truth about her life, minus the magic still. She would not really lie about her powers, just omit the fact.

One surprisingly warm, sunny midday Merlyn was on her way through the courtyard when she heard people riding through the gates. She looked over her shoulder, and was surprised to see Arthur, his servant and two strangers coming closer on horseback. Arthur had a young, fairly pretty girl behind him on his horse and the other one had George and an older man. Merlyn had not even known that Arthur had left somewhere, so the sight was a bit odd.

The prince met her eyes for a second, but quickly turned away and helped the girl down. Merlyn heard him tell Sir Leon to get the king to the throne room and bring some of the knights too. He never mentioned Merlyn, but she decided to go anyway. Like before, she had a bad feeling and this time the feeling was caused by the strangers who were carrying interesting looking staffs. They would have looked quite normal if it they did not have the crystals on top of them. She was too far away to see what the writing on them was.

"My name is Aulfric, heir to Tír-Mòr. This is my daughter, Sophia," the strange man introduced them in the throne room, where they stood before the king. Arthur was standing on the side just a few feet away from the quests' and Merlyn was on the other side next to Leon and the king. The prince did not even spare a look at her, as he seemed to be completely enchanted by the girl, Sophia. She was undoubtedly pretty with her light-brown hair and golden clothing, big eyes and the sweet, small smile gracing her lips. Merlyn found the look Arthur was giving her a bit weird, but he was still a man so she had no reason to be suspicious about that. But what she was growing suspicious about was the visitors odd aura of magic coming from them, and the staffs. Now she saw the writing better: ' _Abas ocus bithe duthected bithlane'._ To her knowledge, it roughly translated to ' _To hold life and death in your hands'._ Merlyn knew she had seen the language somewhere before, but did not seem to remember it.

King Uther was oddly sympathetic toward the father and daughter. One would think he would know it was illegal to hold those staffs as they were quite clearly not normal, but maybe he too was somewhat blind to magic. "You're a long way from home. What brings you to Camelot?" He still asked from the man, Aulfric. The man in question shifted awkwardly and sent a small look to his daughter, who looked at the floor sadly.

"Our home was sacked by raiders, We barely escaped with what few possessions we could carry," he answered in a frail voice, that was _so obviously_ faked but no one seemed to see it. Merlyn did though, and she was getting extremely frustrated. She was so close to just demand them about their staffs, but the chambers were backed with nobles and knights, plus the royal family, so she could not be so rude.

But… the chambers were packed full, so there was something she could do and no one could know it was her. One of the best things she had ever learned to do with her magic was to mask it, hide it from others so none could sense her but it had another side too - she could reveal it whenever she wanted to and contain it so no one outside the perimeter she thought of felt it. Fighting to contain her smile, she closed her eyes for a while to hide the flash of gold from others and let her powers flow free. Because of her knowledge of her destiny and extent of her powers, she knew very well how powerful the aura she had felt.

Opening her eyes, Merlyn focused her attention on the visitors. She let the aura first flow just enough for magical beings to recognize it but not showing even a fraction of it just yet. She saw how first Aulfric flinched a bit when the wave hit him, and then the girl. They seemed to brush it off as a random sorcerer somewhere close. "These are dangerous times. What will you do now?" The king asked the same time, leaning back in his seat. Merlyn glanced briefly at the prince, who was now looking utterly frightened, like he was scared of the answer the Tir-Mórs' were about the give. She took that as a chance to fling the full feel of her powers against the quests. She did not notice, how Morgana stiffened too.

Aulfric opened his mouth to answer, but was frozen suddenly and gasped loud, jumping in his place as did Sophia. Merlyn bit the inside of her lip to keep the snicker away, as they looked frantically around, eyes wide as plates. "W-we travel west to Caerleon where we have family and, I-I hope, a new life," the man finally stammered, trying the mask the feeling of terror as tiredness. Sophia was still looking around, gripping her staff like a lifeline. Even when every person in the room saw their weird behavior, no one said anything and it frustrated Merlyn again. She kept the flow of her powers going for a while, as a clear sign of a warning before pulling it back slowly. Gladly her eyes never flashed again when she hid the aura once more.

Uther nodded at his answer and rose from his throne, waiving a servant closer. "You must stay here awhile, break your journey. A noble family like yours is always welcome in Camelot," he announced and gave the servant orders to escort them to the quest chambers. Merlyn was very glad that the chambers were on the other side of the castle.

 

***

 

That night, Merlyn was in the process of drying her hair in the towel after her bath when a knock came from her door. No one visited her these days anymore, so it was a bit confusing but she opened the door anyway, towel still wrapped around her moist hair. "My Lady?" She asked with raised eyebrows, when she saw Morgana standing there, looking very anxious as she looked around her. The girl gave no answer as she barreled past Merlyn to her room. "What is this about?" Merlyn pushed the door close but kept her eyes on Morgana the whole time. She had never seen her so restless  before, clutching her skirts with white-knuckled hands and a thin layer of sweat on her brow, almost like she had ran to Merlyn. For a moment the warrior was worried that something really bad had happened, and was ready to retrieve her weapons if the princess gave the word.

The princess stared back at her for a moment, eyebrows greased in worry before a heavy sigh escaped her lips and she slumped to sit on the bed. "I need you to answer me honestly," she started and waited for Merlyn to give her a slow nod, still very baffled about the whole situation. Merlyn really had thought that Morgana was about to give up on her, but here she was once more. Though this time it looked like either she was in trouble or someone else was, but she could not go to her father with it.

"What is it?" The warrior asked quietly. She dragged a chair closer to the princess and sat in front of her, elbows against her knees and leaning a bit forward.

Morgana stared at her hands and kept quiet for over two minutes, undoubtedly gathering her thoughts. "What is your opinion on magic?" Came a timidly asked question. Despite the soft, almost scared tone it was asked, Merlyn froze completely. No. No, she could not know, right? It was a perfectly innocent - if a bit treasonous - question from an naïve, good girl who was just curious… right?

Merlyn's mouth opened and closed several time before she found her wits again and cleared her throat. "Uh, why do y-"

"Just answer the question, _Merlyn_!" Morgana snapped before _the witch_ could finish her own question. She sighed a bit as she observed the younger girl for a moment. Merlyn did not really believe that this was some kind of a trap set by the king, but she at least knew better than to reveal herself there and then. Morgana was a nice person and Merlyn thought of her as a friend - even after treating her quite poorly for two months now - but she was still the princess of Camelot.

Merlyn had personally been taught magic from a young age of four. The person, her kidnapper actually, had wanted to make her into a weapon then so the spells were mostly just destructive ones - to kill, harm, burn and just simply destroy. But being the curious child she had been, Merlyn had also learned some healing - though she was terrible at it -, to create things from thin air, like flowers, butterflies, pretty lights and things like that. She also loved to control the elements, and at age seven Merlyn had scared her teacher by showing how she could change the weather from a storm to a sunny day without a proper spell, because she wanted to go outside and spar with someone. Year after that, Merlyn had willingly focused on battle magic as she knew she would want to escape as soon as she could. Sadly, she was still best at destructive magic, and battle ones, but also with the elements. She was a lot stronger these days, but used her powers quite rarely.

"I have seen magic used to a lot of different things in my life. To kill, to heal. Destroy and create, conjure flowers and butterflies, but also dangerous whirlwinds that destroy buildings and fire that rains from the skies. To light a fire at camp to cook food, and a person on fire because he angered the sorcerer the next day," funny thing was that Merlyn had done all those things she was telling the princess. Well, it was no _funny_ to set a person on fire, but the irony was clear in her mind. "Most of the things I've seen have been terrible things, but I also know magic can do a lot of good. But I don't really have a clear opinion on it, and I don't think you really can have one. Magic is not something that can be destroyed, or contained, or categorized or something to have an opinion. Magic just is, you can control it if you have it, use it for what you want and what you think is right. It is not just evil, not really."

While she was speaking, she watched the princess intently. At first, the younger girl was very tense when Merlyn mentioned killing and destroying, but little by little she relaxed and was even smiling slightly when the warrior fell silent once more. Merlyn had no idea what brought this question up, but it seemed that Morgana had been more scared of her thoughts than Merlyn was to talk about it.

The princess just nodded a few times before squaring her shoulders, steeling herself to talk again. "I need to tell you something, something only Gwen and Gaius know but neither really believe to be true. You don't have to either, but I just have to warn you." Merlyn sat up a bit straighter and gave a nod to her. "Two nights ago, I had a dream. A nightmare really, because I saw Arthur be in trouble in it, being thrown across a room. His room, I guess. And I saw you, uh…" she paused for a second there, "I saw you there too. Bloodied, cuts all over you. You were lying on a bed, looking like you were d-dead."

"But if it was just a nightmare..?" Morgana shook her head softly at her question and sighed quietly.

"I saw two other people there too," she whispered and looked at Merlyn with tear-filled eyes, "I saw that girl there too. Sophia. And his father, but he was already dead." Now Merlyn jerked a bit backwards. The princess seemed to think that she was scared, as she was just about to open her mouth, no doubt to apologize, but Merlyn just raised a hand to silence her. Her mind was spinning so fast she was getting really dizzy. At one point, maybe twenty of thirty years ago, Seers had been all over the lands and were one of the most celebrated and sought out magic-users there were. Their skills in seeing the future were in high command back then, but then the others grew jealous and started to hunt them down. They wanted their powers, so they tried to force the Seers to either give them up in complicated rituals that contained multiple blood sacrifices and several dozen witches and warlocks to do the spell, or teach them but it was not something to be taught or taken - even Merlyn did not have that skill, and she was Emrys. So, after the hunt, Seers mostly disappeared. There were maybe ten of them existing anymore, and they did not even know how to use their powers and their premonitions were rare and not always correct. The power of the Seer usually ran in the family, and was only ever passed through the females in the family, so that meant…

"What do you know about your mother, Morgana?" The question, asked after almost ten minutes of silence, made Morgana jump. She looked very confused and scared, but Merlyn also saw a glint of realization in her eyes.

"I know that she had an affair with father, when her husband was at war. I know that she killed herself after I was born, because she felt so guilty of it," told Morgana, voice shaking because of suppressed emotions, "and... I-I know she was... a witch, because Gaius let it slip once. He thinks I don't remember." Quickly, before the girl could move or try to leave, Merlyn flung up from her chair and knelt before the princess, taking her hands between hers. The deep blue eyes shone with hope.

"What was her name?"

Frowning, Morgana carefully said; "Vivienne." The breath Merlyn had not know she was holding, left her lungs in a huge cloud as she slumped and pressed her forehead against their hands.

High Priestess Viwien, wife of the late Gorlois and a noble in Camelot, had been one of the greatest Seers Merlyn had ever heard of. She had suddenly died and everyone thought she had been killed in the Purge with almost every magic-user in Camelot. She had died before Merlyn even heard of her at the age of five, but the stories were absolutely amazing - the Priestess had been one of the kindest people ever, and had fought hard to stop the Purge. But she had never been violent, so Viwien had married a nobleman in Camelot - who she had really loved, too - and through him tried to talk on the behalf of the Old Religion, taking the name Vivienne. No one had heard about her for years, before the news of her death came at the same time king Uther announced she had a daughter. It was lucky that Uther knew nothing about Vivienne's powers.

"Merlyn?" Her head snapped up when Morgana spoke, and a wide smile spread on her lips that seemed to scare Morgana a little.

Merlyn chuckled a little and squeezed the princess' hands. "I'm sorry, I just… I've heard of your mother when I was young. Everyone thought she had died in the Purge and her powers never got passed on to a daughter, but… _here you are._ "

"What do you mean by that..?" Morgana whispered, blinking away the tears in her eyes. Merlyn wondered if anyone had ever talked about Vivienne.

"Your mother was a Seer," she explained with a smile, keeping her eyes on the emerald ones shining above, "The powers of seeing run in your family, and they always go from mother to daughter or daughters. Lady Vivienne was known in the magical community as a High Priestess of the Old Religion, called Viwien, the most powerful Seer of this time. Your dreams, they are not just dreams. They're visions, visions of futures that are going to happen but are _not_ set in stone. Like the one of Arthur and me." The tears rolling on Morgana's cheeks seemed like they were not going to stop anytime soon, so Merlyn rose from the ground and sat next to her, gathering Morgana in her arms for comfort. The princess sobbed against Merlyn's tunic for a long time, but for once the warrior did not get impatient. It was her responsibility as a witch and as Emrys to help the young Seer as well as she could.

"Why do you know about this?" A muffled voice asked after a while.

"The woman who kidnapped me was also a Priestess. She had many books and journals of other Priestess' and talked a lot about… well, everything. Some things tend to stick even after all these years," Merlyn hastily lied, hoping that Morgana did not hear the slight tremor in her voice. The princess luckily just nodded, but never moved away from Merlyn's hug. That was the first time in two months they had been like just two friends, and Merlyn made a decision to keep their relationship like that from now on. _Screw Mordred._

 

***

 

The next day started like every other day that week - for everyone else than Merlyn at least. The knowledge of Morgana having the powers of a Seer made her so light that she thought she'd fly off any second now. Even when Merlyn had not revealed her own powers to the princess - and that was only because king Uther was still alive, and Merlyn did not want to force Morgana to swear an oath just yet or lie to her father - the feeling of knowing about another magic-user in the kingdom was like a weight had left her shoulders and her heart felt more free. And there was also the fact that Merlyn had once more emerged from her shell and was close with Morgana.

But, then there was the _small_ fact of the prince being in danger again and Merlyn had to once again rescue him, so that sort of ruined her good mood. Why was the prince such a target for trouble? Merlyn did not seem to get a full day off from saving the man from deranged assassins, magic-users and monsters - during the last two months at least. It seemed that every day, despite the cold and ever-falling snow, there had been some kind of an emergency that Merlyn had to solve. There had been many vengeful sorcerers for one, a few mundane assassins (not from Gregor's group, luckily) and what seemed like hundreds of bandits going for the prince's head, and then the _bloody_ monsters - three griffins, one bastet, a cockatrice that had wondered away from its known hiding place and even _goddamn_ _wyverns_ terrorizing the villages near the border. Every single time Arthur had either almost died so Merlyn had jumped in and killed the beast, needed healing magic while unconscious or just plainly got in the middle of trouble and not moving anywhere because he was too stubborn. So, Merlyn was getting a bit tired.

Merlyn had visited Gaius to ask about the staffs, and the old man seemed to think that they had either found them somewhere or they were Sidhe, the immortal race of Avalon. Merlyn had never seen any of them, but knew them to be particularly nasty faerie-like beings that were immensely selfish and according to Gaius, they were also 'masters of enchantments'. So yes, it was a bit strange and suspicious that they were in Camelot now, staying in the castle and being friendly with the royal family. The girl, Sophia, was very close with Arthur and it seemed that the man was completely besotted with her too - so that too was a bit odd, but normal at the same time. Even if they had known only for one day, it was not unheard of to fall for someone so quickly.

But then, the council was called by Arthur. Merlyn only heard about it from Leon who was on his way there, so she followed. She had a good idea that Sophia and Aulfric would be there too - and she was right. Arthur stood before the king, but only had his eyes on Sophia. He had that lovestruck, glazed look on his eyes and a dreamy smile on his lips. Merlyn felt like gagging a bit, but she contained it bravely. The princess was staring at the couple with a troubled look on her face, what reminded Merlyn once more about the dream.

Arthur cleared his throat then, when the doors were closed and finally looked at his father. "I requested this audience, Father, to discuss a matter of great importance. It cannot have escaped your attention that I and Lady Sophia Tír-Mòr have grown very close." The king raised a brow but smiled anyway.

"Not too close, I hope."

"We're in love, which is why I come before you today to ask your permission to marry." The words coming from Arthur's mouth made a weird feeling appear in Merlyn's chest. She swallowed thickly and looked away for a moment. _What is that?_ She'd never felt anything like that - it was like someone had taken her heart and lungs in their hands and squeezed hard.

The king was not impressed by Arthur's statement. "I assume you're joking, son," he asked in a dry voice, and looked at Morgana quizzically. "Did you know?" The princess only shook her head, eyes never leaving Sophia who was gripping the prince's hand with a force that should have been very painful but the man never even flinched. Merlyn frowned and looked at Morgana, who had the same expression on her face. They shrugged at each other and Merlyn moved to stand in front of the chamber doors just in case. Sir Leon and two guards moved with her, so quietly that no one but the king noticed. Merlyn had a bad feeling that Arthur would not give up.

"But you only met yesterday, Arthur. I don't think anyone can fall in love that fast," the amused king continued before Arthur could say anything and waived a dismissive hand at them. "You do not have my permission. Even though she seems like a wonderful girl, I cannot with good conscious give you my blessing and see you regret it a year from now when you meet someone you _actually_ love." The words seemed to anger Arthur, even when they were said in a gentle voice.

"I'm going to marry her. I don't care what you think about it," the prince announced loudly and turned to lead Sophia from the room. The girl looked very smug when they turned - well, up until she saw Merlyn standing in front of the doors with three men, all of them gripping the hilts of their swords. Arthur looked murderous when he met Merlyn's eyes, but she did not budge and only stared coldly back.

Uther stood from his throne. "You've forgotten whose court you're standing in, _prince Arthur,"_ he said in a powerful booming voice, eyes blazing with anger when his son turned back around and waived a hand at the girl and her father. " Arrest Sophia and Aulfric Tír-Mòr." Merlyn was the one to go towards Sophia, who narrowed her eyes at Merlyn and clutched the staff and Arthur tighter.

Arthur pulled Sophia closer to him, almost panicking when Merlyn and Leon advanced. "Father! What are you doing?" He yelled, looking frantically around when no one stopped, not even after he tried to order them. Somehow he seemed to forget that the king's orders were more than his.

Uther walked down from the dais to his son, and clasped his hands on Arthur's shoulders, effectively dislodging his hold on Sophia so Merlyn could pull the girl away from him. "Unless you show me some respect, they will actually be arrested and executed for trying to take the prince by force and ignoring the king's orders. Now, you are confined in your room until you understand your mistakes!" These were the times that Merlyn kind of admired the king - Arthur visibly slumped and nodded in defeat at his father's words, storming out of the door without even waiting for Sophia. Merlyn smirked at the girl as she let go of her, and walked after the prince. She had a friend to get back.

 

***

 

After Arthur had stormed to his chambers, Merlyn followed not far behind. She had to try to talk some sense to the man, even if she was not his favorite person these days. Merlyn just wanted to hope for the best that he was not too mad at her and hope that he would listen when she finally told him everything. The past was a difficult subject for her, and telling it was like ripping her chest open and freeing every pain, every heartbreak and all of the misery. It was painful just to think about everything that had happened - her kidnapping, falling into Gregor's group of assassins, her escape from both places and then just trying to survive alone. Arthur had said he didn't want her to leave and wanted to know Merlyn better, but she didn't really know how the man would react to everything, particularly to being with Gregor. It was shameful to live like that.

Arthur walked straight to the bed when Merlyn walked in. "Sire," Merlyn closed the door after her and kept her eyes on it for a while, "I know you do not like me very much right now, but may I ask why do you want to marry the girl only after _one_ day?" She turned and walked to the archway leading from the dining area to his bedchambers. Arthur had his back to her, leaning against his bedpost and eyes trained to the window. The prince's face was hidden, but his shoulders were tense, jaw twitching furiously and just about every other sign that said 'run' were there.

"That is none of your business. Now get _out_ ," he ground through his gritted teeth without turning around. Merlyn raised an eyebrow and took a step closed, hands clasped behind her back. A wise person would listen to the order, but when had she ever listened?

"This isn't like you. Morgana clearly knows that and your father agrees, and they know you better than anyone. Are you _absolutely_ sure this is the right thing to do?" Merlyn asked, trying to keep her voice polite even though she was seething inside. Yes, Arthur had a right to be mad, but that didn't mean he had to talk to her like that. Well, yes he did, but still! She was just trying to help and make him see sense without actually telling about Sophia's magical staff and the fact that they were _probably_ there to kill him. Just a small fact, he did not need to know.

"I don't have to answers to the likes of you, _get out_!" growled the prince, clenching his fists. Well, Merlyn was never one to listen to orders.  She walked closer again, more confident now. The anger was a good sign, it meant that maybe he would burn all the idiotic thoughts away and start listening if she just tried a bit harder.

"Sire-" she began, but was cut off when Arthur whipped around and smacked the back of his hand across her face. It _hurt_ , it really did and Merlyn went stumbling to the side and crashed against the prince's wardrobe. Some small objects and discarded scabbards fell on her, rolling around on the floor. She touched her cheek which was burning from the impact and lifted her gaze to Arthur. He was scowling, eyes blazing with fury and walked forward. Never had he looked at Merlyn like that, not even when she had almost impaled him with her dagger that one day. But that was when Merlyn saw the slight glimpse of red in his eyes too.

 _Enchanted, huh? Well, that's just lovely,_ she thought bitterly and straightened her back.  She knew how to handle enchanted people - don't fight back if not necessary, try to reason, kill the enchanter. _Simple_.

But what she had not been taught, was the unnecessary, uncharacteristic violence being enchanted usually brought up if someone tried to reason with them. "You, bloody coldhearted _whore_ , you have no right to speak to me!" Arthur shouted, grapping her by the collar of her tunic and slammed her back to the wardrobe. Merlyn's head clashed against it and she saw stars for a moment. Vision swimming, she tried to trash in his grip, but was securely pinned between his big frame and the hard closet.

"Sir- _Arthur_!" Merlyn protested, gasping loudly. She had never called him with his given name as a sign of respect for his station, but it seemed to make him pause his attack. His eyes, still full of hate, locked on hers. They were not red anymore and shone with something else other than only fury. Merlyn tried to keep her on gaze as open as she could, to show how desperate she was to get through him. Arthur face softened, only a little, but that meant she was getting through.

" _Arthur_ ," she tried to emphasize his name to keep him from falling back in the enchantment, "you  _really_ need to.. snap out of it. I too k-know you, and this is _not_ you! Please, I'm begging you to… _believe me_!" Her hand shot out to grab his wrist as she tried to cough the words out. Arthur's fist was still gripping her tunic and pressing uncomfortably on her throat, which made breathing difficult. She felt her face getting redder by the minute, when his hand didn't move. Arthur's eyes slid away from hers, to her cheek. The hand that wasn't against Merlyn's throat lifted and knuckles touched her blackening cheek gently, a striking difference to the other hand on her throat. Merlyn felt her vision darken from the sides, as the air was running low already.

That's when the door burst open and Sophia and Aulfric waltzed in. Arthur's grip vanished and Merlyn was left wheezing for air, trying to stay on her feet. She heard how Sophia was saying how she and Arthur should run away, elope and _'live happy somewhere else'_. Merlyn snorted and looked up, straight to Sophia's red eyes.

"Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Merlyn coughed while still grinning viciously, drawing her sword out. Aulfric pointed his staff to her, blasting some kind of blue energy from it. While she was still very dizzy and slightly weak from almost being strangled to death, she was still skilled at what she did - Merlyn managed to roll to the side and get close to him. A brief flash of shining steel, sickening wet noise and Aulfric fell dead to her feet. Merlyn turned around whirling her blade, ready for the second attack. It was a good thing that the apparent Sidhe were in a human form, or else her sword would not be any help.

Her head snapped up to Sophia and Arthur, former was screeching for her father like a damn banshee and _really_ hurting Merlyn's ears. Sophia's first instinct was to push Arthur to the side - who knew why -, with a bit too much force as the man flung against the wall and almost hit his head. Merlyn didn't give her time to react better - she surged forward and plunged her sword through her chest. Sophia used the last of her own strength to point her staff to Merlyn. It was lucky that her magic acted sometimes without Merlyn's knowledge, like now it formed a protective shield in front of her. The force from the staff's blast still threw her backwards, but at least she did not have a hole on her stomach. Her eyes flashed gold the second time when her back hit the window and she was sent flying out of it. Time slowed down just enough for her to grab the windowsill - it was painful as the glass cut through her palms, but the grip was solid. But the fact that her shield had not protected her back that was now covered in glass, and that she was in so much pain because of Arthur and the Sidhe-bastards, meant that she could not get up on her own.

Merlyn heard horrified gasps from the courtyard, shouting from the guards and knights. She just hoped her strength was enough to hold on. She didn't know if Arthur was awake or passed out, she hadn't had the time to focus on him better between the fighting. Merlyn had been a bit surprised about how easy those two had been to defeat, but they just probably never expected her to be much of an opponent.

"Merlyn?! Merlyn!" the horror-struck prince shouted when he came to his senses. Arthur turned to the window and saw a glimpse of bloodstained fingers gripping the wood. He rushed closer just as he heard an extremely annoyed "would you just get me the _bloody_ up from here, please?! I really don't fancy dying like this!" 

Arthur looked down and paled dramatically, not that Merlyn could blame him. Her left cheek was turning sickeningly purple and so was throat too probably. She had not been wearing her armor, only a red tunic and a corset - the red fabric was ribbed around her arms and back, and her leggings' were torn too. All over, including her face, were pieces of glass and blood dripping from the wounds.

" _GET ME UP!"_ Merlyn's raging yell brought Arthur from his thoughts and as carefully as he could, he grabbed her forearms and lifted her up to his arms. He only held her in his arms long enough to get her away from the window and the glass, and then lowered her feet to the floor in the dining area, but still held her tight around the waist so she wouldn't fall. The door burst open at the same moment and three knights, Gaius, Morgana and the king stormed in, but they stopped abruptly as they saw the state of the room.

"What happened?!" Morgana shrieked, terrified and stared at the dead bodies lying across the floor. Merlyn was sure that the princess' dream had come true and now the girl was really believing in her own gifts and Merlyn's words. Gaius recovered next, rushing towards his niece, who was now swaying a little. Arthur helped her to sit on the edge of the dinner table. The physician immediately started to check the wounds, without just yet removing her tunic, as there were men in the room. She focused her attention to the king, who was staring at her state with wide eyes. From the corner of her eye, Merlyn saw Arthur slump on a chair next to her.

"The prince w-was enchanted. Sophia and Aulfric were Sidhe, at least I think they were. I only made- _ow_!" She yelped when Gauis pulled the first shard from her face. Merlyn gave the physician a dirty look and earned a challenging eyebrow back. "I only made the connection, when.." Merlyn paused and glanced at the prince, who was staring at her wounds that were visible on her arms. Behind him the knights were carrying the bodies away, not really giving them any respect. _Good._

Merlyn sighed slowly as she looked at the king again. "When the prince struck me across the face," she continued carefully. Arthur's eyes shot to her face, widening to a horrified look that Merlyn tried not to notice, "I saw how his eyes flashed red, when he pinned me to the wardrobe, so I knew he wasn't himself, my lord. Then they," she swept her eyes briefly to the bodies that were almost out of the door, "came in and I saw how Sophia's eyes were red too. She was trying to get him to run away with her, but I managed - _Gods only know how_ \- to kill the man, and then the girl, when she was distracted by her father's death. She, however, managed to throw me through the window." And frowned in thought. The Sidhe had to be a bit tougher kind if Sophia could throw her back like that after being stabbed through the heart. The king's expression was priceless when Merlyn told what happened. It was a mixture of surprise, disbelief, anger and joy. Morgana's was the same, minus the disbelief.

Gauis pulled the last shard from her already exposed skin and cleaned those wounds. "I'm terribly sorry, my lords, but I must ask you to step outside. While I know this is the prince's chambers, I cannot move Merlyn before I can see the extent of her wounds. My Lady Morgana is free to stay if she wants, but for propriety reasons the men must leave," the physician said firmly to not leave any room to argue. Uther nodded to him, speechless for the moment and turned on his heels. Arthur on the other hand, looked like he really wanted to argue but Gauis gave him a pointed look, which made him sigh heavily. The prince glanced at Merlyn, who was very interested at the table then as she did not want to see the look on his face. Arthur lifted his hand towards her shoulder, stopped and then stormed out closing the doors behind him.

Gaius pulled a knife and peeled the tunic off of her. Morgana paled and slapped a hand on her mouth when she gasped. Merlyn didn't even have to wonder, why she was so shocked. Merlyn's torso was not only bloody and full of cuts, she also had a lot of scars. Most of them were faded and you could only feel them or see them if you were really close. But she also had a few marks that were easily visible. Merlyn studied the girl in front of her closely. Morgana was biting her lip.

The warrior grinned a bit at her. "You can ask about them," Merlyn stated, making the princess jump and lift her eyes to Merlyn's.

Morgana hesitated a moment, before pointing somewhere to her right. "I, uh.. the one on your side?" She asked timidly, voice slightly trembling. Merlyn lowered her eyes on the scar, running her ringers across it.

"Ah, that." Memories came flooding back to her then and made her eyes burn as the tears threatened to surface once again. "Like you know, before I came here I was in a bad place with extremely bad people for years. I _hated_ it, but couldn't leave before I was sure I could make it out alive. I had just turned eighteen, it was night and the others were asleep. I gathered my meager belongings and tried to sneak out. We were staying in an abandoned castle at the time. However, one of the men was awake, most likely expecting someone to do something stupid, so he alerted the others… There were perhaps twenty five or thirty men and women, and I had to fight my way through," Merlyn chuckled humorlessly, shaking her head and looked at Morgana. Her eyes were wide, scared.

"I never hated killing," she continued nonchalantly, but when she saw Morgana's appalled look and rushed to explain, "oh, don't get me wrong, I don't _like_ it, but fighting comes so naturally to me that I don't even think about it anymore. But those people… even though I hated it there, they were like a family. Anyway, I managed to get to my horse when someone threw a dagger at me. Thank _gods_ he was one of the worst with the throwing blades, or I'd be dead. It pierced my skin and left a painful hole, but it didn't hit anything vital. It got ripped out by accident while I was riding, and the hole grew. I only managed to get to a healer four days later, so that's why there's a scar - it infected badly. That too almost killed me," Merlyn finished her story smiling bitterly. She noticed that Gaius had stopped working - her wounds were already bandaged -  and was also watching her. Morgana had tears streaming on her cheeks. Merlyn was just about to ask what's wrong, when Morgana jumped forward and hugged Merlyn with force she didn't know the princess had.

"I know you've had something on your mind and have been pushing us away, but I'm so glad you are still here," Morgana whispered as Merlyn stroked her back clumsily and then pulled back. The princess wiped her cheeks dry, smiled shakily and excused herself. Merlyn stared after her a while, smiling softly at the younger girl's sudden mood.

Gaius gave her a blanket to cover herself, and then he and one of the knights helped Merlyn back to her room, where she reluctantly laid on her bed after changing to a blue, loose tunic and black comfy trousers. Gaius left her a vial of pain medicine and ordered her not to do anything that requires too much moving. The old man was beside himself with worry, but Merlyn managed somehow to make him see that she was fine, just a bit broken and tired. After he left, she sighed and rubbed her tired eyes slowly, mind whirling back to the small story she had told Morgana. It was much more than the girl had know about the warrior. She got to lay alone for an hour staring at the roof before there was a quiet knock on the door. She bid the visitor in, but doesn't have the energy to look up.

"How are you feeling?" Male voice asked gruffly. The deep blue eyes snapped to the door, where the prince was hiding partly in the shadows and leaning against the door with his face to her, but had it lowered so she could not see him properly. He was still wearing the same clothes as before, and she could see some blood on the blue tunic - her blood most likely.

"I've been better, thanks," she mumbled, eyes never leaving the man. He snorted silently, but did not look up. Merlyn felt the pain medicine slowly losing its effectiveness, so she lifted her arm to get the one on her side. But the pain and everything that happened before finally caught up with her, and she could not lift her hand properly. Arthur noticed this and came closer, kneeling beside her head on the floor.

"I remember now. What happened I mean," he told her softly while he grabbed the vial from the bedside table, rolling it in his hands for a moment. "I hope you know I didn't mean any of it." Did he really think Merlyn was that stupid? She had already proved that she was stronger that she looked like _and_ she had saved the man, even after he had called her a whore among other things. It was not something a person did if they believed those things. Out of everyone in the castle, Arthur really was one of the most sensitive, emotional person. Despite being the future king and having a emotionally unavailable father, Arthur did have a gentle, good side in him. No wonder Merlyn was already close to believing that Kilgharrah may not be lying after all.

"I'm not an idiot. I've encountered enchanted people before," Merlyn stated in a dry voice, "and before you even think about it, I'm not mad. You were not in your right mind when you hit me." Arthur grimaced slightly, gaze falling to her cheek again. His whole face and posture screamed _guilty, guilty, guilty_! but he seemed to accept the fact that he didn't mean to. He better accept it - if he still blamed himself after Merlyn was better, she'd kick some sense in to his head herself.

Merlyn shifted, winced a little and tried to get the vial from the prince, but he moved his hand away from her reach. "I'm still sorry. Let me help." Reluctantly, she nodded as much as her position let her. Outside her door, there were footsteps that seemed to stop right behind her door, but the owner ran away quick too. It was quite possibly Margaret or Morgana, but they probably heard Arthur speak. The prince took the lid from the vial and shifted a bit to a better position. After a bit of hesitating, he cupped the back of her head and angled it so she could take a gulp of the medicine. There was luckily still half left, so Margaret could bring her more later.

"Why?"

The prince jolted a little, not expecting her to speak anymore. He turned to her after placing the vial back down. "Why what?" He asked, pale eyes locked on hers. Merlyn had never actually seen him so close, if you didn't count those times they had fought and stood quite literally nose to nose. The eyes were her favorite part about him, as they shone like twin-moons in the dim light the lit fireplace threw around the room. The look in them was soft, a bit curious too. His surprisingly soft-looking, full lips were pursed, twisting in a weird way but it only made him look like a stubborn boy. Merlyn liked his smile too, but knew she might not see it anymore. His jaw was not twitching anymore as he seemed almost relaxed, but it was still strong and fit him perfectly. A small stubble covered it, but it did not make him look shabby or old. Arthur's golden hair was pointing in every direction, as he had probably been pulling it furiously after leaving her to get the wounds checked. Merlyn had to force herself to speak - she blamed the medicine, it was clearly making her think weird things.

"You have no need to apologize or help. I know you didn't mean to say those things, but some of them were true, I have been cold and distant… _again_. So, why are you still so nice to me? I really don't deserve it," she explained quietly, knowing well how the pain she felt about her actions was there to be heard. Sighing, he fell backwards from his knees to actually sit on the floor. He bent his knees and placed his elbows against them. He looked oddly vulnerable like that.

"I guess.. I mean, I don't.." he tried to answer, but could not find the right words. He let out a heavy sigh and ran his hands through his hair again, making it stand up even more. "I don't know. I'm just not one to give up on things. The last few weeks that I've been staying more in my room were just one plot to lure you to talk to me," Arthur admitted with a small huff and made Merlyn snort a bit. _Of course it was._ "You.. you are the first one to treat me as just Arthur. Father mostly thinks of me as a trophy son and a prince, Morgana might think of me as a brother, but even she usually believes me to be a horrid person and the knights are not like friends, even if we act like ones, but you…" he trailed off, brow greasing in thought. "You fight me every chance you get, you call me names like dollop-head of all things, and prat, you really don't seem to respect me at all, but you are the closest thing I have ever had to a friend. So yes, maybe I fight for things I like." Now he smiled, but only a little. Merlyn was actually quite moved by his words, but tried hard not so show it too well. She also wondered, very amused, if Arthur noticed how much he's talking. For a seemingly oblivious and slightly slow-witted prince (occasionally), he sure thought a lot. He was still a prat that rambled like an idiotic buffoon right now, but he was sincere and was clearly missing her. And Merlyn missed him too. She wanted so much to just tell him everything that had been in her mind there and then, but her tiredness was getting to her. Her eyes were drooping slowly and Arthur laughed at her softly, telling Merlyn to sleep.

"Thank you," she mumbled with her eyes mostly closed. Merlyn fell asleep before she could see the wide smile on the prince's face.

 

***

 

The city of Camelot knew about what happened with the mysterious visitors two days later. Everyone was talking about it, and the stories blew up as the drunken men told them in taverns, and the gossiping servants told them how the female warrior had hung from the prince's window for her dear life while bleeding heavily. They made it seem that Merlyn was some kind of a heroine, and that brought some attention wanting nobles to her room while she was recovering. Most of them wanted to get to her good side, while just a few days ago they had ignored her completely and never gave her the respect she deserved as an advisor for the prince. It was funny really, how such a public display of her skill and need to protect the royals made her suddenly so popular when she had saved the royal family more than once before. The attention and visitors had been fun at first, but after being bedridden for two days, it became more annoying than anything else.

But, luckily even without her magic, Merlyn was a fast healer, so in the morning of the third day Gaius gave her a permission to once again attend training. She was not yet well enough to actually train, but at least she was able to get some fresh air. The promise of another view and seeing the knights - who probably did not yet know she was once again trying to act normal -, Merlyn was in a really good mood. She was a bit nervous though, since the prince had not visited her after that first time. He might still think that their relationship was cold like before, so Merlyn had to make that right.

The warm spring sun was shining high on the sky and marking midday when Merlyn walked to the training grounds finally. She was not wearing her armor because of the heavy bandages under her brown, loose tunic and she did not even carry any weapons other than a concealed dagger in her knee-high boot. Her hair was open and lightly flinging behind her back, as she made her way quickly forward. The knights and the prince were already there, sparring but silent like they have been the last two months now. Merlyn was a bit confused of how her behavior affected the men so badly, but hoped that she could change that too. The black-haired warrior, slightly limping, made her way straight to the prince and Sir Leon that were in the middle of every one and stopped behind Arthur just ten feet away, watching him closely. Some of the others saw her, but turned their eyes quickly away as her face was carefully kept blank. Merlyn probably looked like she was about to start a fight with the prince again.

"Still a bit slow there, sire," she mused with a fairly raised voice after he fell on his back and got his attention. The man sat up and turned to her with his brows raised and mouth open a bit. Merlyn stared back, face stoic but no doubt her eyes were filled with mirth once more. After a moment of studying her face, the slow realization grew on Arthur's face and the corner of his mouth twitched.

"And what would you know, _Mer_ lyn?" He got up and brushed the grass off his trousers. "I'm not the one who got thrown out of a window because I could not get away fast enough." Merlyn scoffed quietly and crossed her arms.

"No you weren't, but neither were you the one to almost get killed because you were saving a pretentious prat," retorted Merlyn with a dry voice and raised an eyebrow. She noticed how the knights slowly stopped their spars and just stood there watching them with a raising hope of things turning good again. " _You_ were the pretty little damsel in distress, and I, the brave selfless heroine, had to save you. _Again_."

She got a scowl from the prince, but it had no real anger in it. "A damsel? I'm the prince of Camelot, I am no _damsel_ ," he growled and took a step forward, finger pointing at her face. The he suddenly smirked. "Did you just say I'm pretty?"

"Oh, you must have hit your head, sire," Merlyn gasped with mock-shock, pressing a hand at her throat that was currently covered with a red neckerchief to hide the bruise. "You are clearly hearing things! I think you are the most _hideous_ creature there is!" There was the sound of stifled laughter around them, and even the prince looked close to burst out laughing. Merlyn grinned wide and lowered her hand, offering it to the prince in a gesture of peace. He stared at it a while, but eventually grabbed it surprisingly gently.

"It's good to have you back, Merlyn," he hummed. Sir Nicholas - the most vocal knight among them - whooped at the sight of them shaking hands and the others laughed out loud, finally starting to talk like they once had. The men then turned away and continued their training in better moods now.

Merlyn smiled and squeezed his hand a bit. "It's good to be back, _Arthur,_ " she answered and now saw the bright smile on the man's lips, realizing how much he actually liked when she called him by his actual name and not by his title. He squeezed her hand back, lingering there for a moment before letting go. She went to sit on the grass by the side willingly as Arthur continued his sparring with Leon.

She then felt it again - the presence of Mordred. He was somewhere beyond the fence in the woods, away from the innocent bystanders' eyes but visible enough that Merlyn saw him when she turned. The man looked murderous, pressing his lips tightly together and burning holes in Merlyn's eyes. She realized it then that she had no reason to hide her friends from him, or anything other than her magic. Mordred would not stop even if she seemed to be alone there, he would do everything to make her life miserable anyway. He would have learned about her friendship with the royal siblings sooner or later. He would do anything to hurt them now, but one thing was for sure - Merlyn would be there every single time. And if either of the two got hurt, Merlyn would be the one to take revenge - and it would _not_ be pretty. She watched the man for a moment before a wicked smile spread on her face and she winked at him, turning then away.

The presence disappeared a second later but this time Merlyn was not scared.

 

***

 

The same day princess Morgana sent Gwen to Merlyn's chambers with a message to join the girl in her rooms. Merlyn had to stifle a laugh when Gwen looked very surprised as the warrior accepted the invitation - the maid had been delivering those messages for months now and every time the answer was the same 'no'. But this time, the witch was ready to emerge from her shell once more and she also knew what the visit was about; Morgana's gifts. So, after changing to something a bit more appropriate - a white, clean tunic with a grey corset over it and black leggings' and boots, she left to follow the maid. Gwen looked very happy about the change, and expressed it bravely.

"I'm glad that you once again join the princess," the dark-skinned woman hummed as she almost skipped forward beside Merlyn. "I mean, not that there's anything wrong with being alone- No, uh, by yourself, I mean…" A dark blush spread on her face and made the warrior snort merrily.

"It's fine, Gwen," she assured the maid as they turned the corner to reach the spiral staircase. "I've been an idiot so be honest. There has just been a lot going on." Guinevere smiled wide at her words and nodded a few times. They reached the stairs but there the maid stopped suddenly, left foot already on the first step and hands fiddling with her apron.

"Uh, my la- I mean Merlyn," started Gwen, voice shaking and eyes respectfully lowered to the ground. Momentarily, Merlyn was happily grinning when the young woman remembered not to use any titles with her. "I-I know very well we have not been that close, if Morgana has not been there at least, but.. I'm glad that you survived. Not that I didn't believe you would, but I… I was on the square when you…"

The grin morphed into a soft smile as Merlyn placed a hand on Gwen's shoulder and waited for her to look up again. "Thank you, Gwen," the warrior sincerely said and watched how the worried look vanished from the other's face and was replaced with another, wide and sweet smile. The chambermaid gave her a quick nod and a curtsy before Merlyn dropped her hand and they turned to go up to the princess' chambers. Merlyn was let in first by Gwen, who informed her mistress that she would be going to the laundry room to finish her chores for the day and was given a permission by Morgana who was sitting by her vanity then, brushing her hair with a faraway look in her eyes.

Merlyn went to sit by the dining table, on a chair closest to the princess and waited for Gwen's footsteps to disappear completely. "Am I to assume that this is about your dreams?" A gentle question was asked then. Morgana sighed softly before placing the brush down and turning to face the warrior. She gave her a small, worried nod and made Merlyn smile again. "What is it then?"

The light green eyes darted away from Merlyn's deep cobalt ones while the princess swallowed a few times. "Does this mean I have magic?" The warrior hummed - she had been expecting this. There was no real way to assure the girl that it would not happen, or a way to really explain anything about magic without revealing her own powers. Morgana was a trustworthy person, even without her newly revealed powers, but Merlyn was still a bit unsure how to approach the topic just yet. She'd have to wait and see how Morgana dealt with her own powers first - of course Merlyn was going to help her in any way she could now, but it was the safest way to go.

"It does not necessarily mean that," Merlyn comforted the younger girl and took her other soft hand in her own still bandaged ones, "but if it does, you have nothing to worry about. I will help you in any way I can to keep the king from finding out about anything. You have nothing to be afraid of, I promise."

It didn't look like Merlyn's words made any real difference as Morgana still looked really scared, but at least she relaxed a bit. "Thank you, Merlyn," the princess whispered, squeezing her hand a bit. "But… how do you really know all this?" That was the second thing Merlyn had been expecting, but also the question she had not prepared an answer.

"Like I said, the woman who kidnapped me was a Priestess too, but an evil one," sighed Merlyn after a moment of silence and let go of Morgana's hand. "She had a lot of books and stories about magic and the Old Religion, and… well, just about everything. The Purge for one, prophecies and things like that." She noticed how Morgana's interest perked with the mention of the prophecies, and smirked a bit when the princess asked about them.

"Well, one of my favorites is the prophecy of the Once and Future King," Merlyn answered, leaning back on her seat and stared out of the window with a small, distant smile on her lips. "It tells about a mighty king, who is destined to unite the land of Albion, all the kingdoms under one banner. To lead the way to a time of peace and prosperity, peace between the people, magic and non-magic alike. He's said to be the greatest king anyone had ever seen, a king who will be remembered centuries after his time. But he won't be doing it alone," she continued and now looked at Morgana, who was literally on the edge of her seat and staring at Merlyn with wide, excited eyes. "He will have help from a shadow following him everywhere, a secret protector always on his side. A shadow that is the Light of a brighter future, a secret that is on everyone's lips when the time comes. Emrys, the most powerful magic-user in all the land. The hope of the Druids, the Highest of the Old Religion and the fear of the ones who dare to hurt the Once and Future King and his land. Emrys will be the one who will help the King to his throne, and the one standing behind it for as long as needed."

"And… when is this going to happen? If it's true?" The princess whispered, a thick lace of suppressed hope lacing her voice. It was no wonder - as a newly found Seer and the princess of Camelot, Morgana was rightly hopeful with the news.

"It's already happening," the Emrys answered with a wide smile on her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a timeline and a bit of small facts here just to keep you on the loop of where we are:  
> The story starts roughly in the end of August. The third chapter starts after her first week, and the fourth a week after that. Few days over three weeks of living in Camelot, the fifth chapters starts and it covers for a bit over a month of time, then comes chapter six that marks roughly the second month starting, so that makes it the end of October (winter is slowly coming then) and the tavern stuff in the end happens two months and three weeks after her coming to Camelot. Then there's chapter 7 that is a month after Valiant, so it makes it November already and snow is starting to fall. This chapter happens in the start of February (a short winter and all), and only covers for two days. 
> 
> And then, some ages! 
> 
> So in my head, Merlyn is now 19, and Arthur is about to turn 21 in April 23rd. And just for the fun of it; Lancelot is 23, Gwen is 20, Leon is 29, Gwaine and Pervical are 24, Elyan is 23 and Morgana is not older than Arthur, but only 17. Oh, and Gaius is in my opinion around 70 to 73, and Uther is 42 (his birthday will be in the next chapter, so he's born sometime in February apparently).
> 
> Mordred is older than Merlyn at 20 (soon 21, in October 23). In my mind Mordred was born exactly six months after Arthur to be the 'opposite' of him and his doom and all that, so it made sense to me to make him the same age because they already look like opposites - Arthur is big and burly, slightly tanned, golden hair and pale, but warm blue eyes, and Mordred is black-haired, cold pale eyes, pale skin and quite scrawny. So, why not make them be born on the opposite sides of the year too - Arthur is born when the sun is high in the sky and summer is about to start, and Mordred when it's mostly dark, and getting cold already. 
> 
> Let me know if my reasoning are idiotic! :D


	10. The one with the interruptions and a dress

"Merlyn, watch out!" A shout reached her ears just in time for Merlyn to jump to the side to avoid the sneaky spear that flew at her in a deadly accuracy. She groaned loudly as she landed in the thick bush, but quickly recovered and ran back to the fight. They - she, Arthur and five knights - had been on a long patrol for a week now, and while riding back to the city on the end of the last day, they had once again - like seriously, where did they come from? - ran into a huge group of bandits of maybe fifteen or more men. These thugs were also better fighters than most, so it was quite a fair fight.

"Thanks!" Merlyn grinned at the prince, who just rolled his eyes at her as he parried an oncoming attack from a particularly nasty looking brute. The man had only one eye and just a red scar where the other should have been, but it did not seem to slow him down at all. Merlyn ran to gain some momentum and jumped, smashing her left leg at the man's back and effectively sent him sprawling on the ground on his face at Arthur's feet. She plunged her blade in his back, making eye contact with Arthur the same time. "And you're welcome!" Merlyn moved away laughing before the prince could say anything, but amazingly only heard a low chuckle behind her.

Fortunately, they got out of the fight with minimal damage - Sir Pellinore got a small gash on his right side and Sir Hugo was scraped by an arrow on his right shoulder. The others were only a bit bruised, even Merlyn only had two black marks on her, on her hip and her temple. The bandits were not very gentlemanly even when the opponent was a woman and one of them surprised her at the start of the battle by smashing his fist hard at her head. After a lot of cursing and rolling around on the ground, she had victoriously killed him.

Arthur walked up to her before they left and tilted his head to the side to see the bruise better. "You alright? No blurry vision, seeing double?" He asked frowning and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear away from the mark. "Not seeing any pretty princes?" The last question was asked in a teasing voice while grinning mischievously. He had not let her slip up go even when it had happened over week and a half ago. Merlyn slapped his hand away and very maturely stuck her tongue out, prompting a bark of laugh from the prat.

"Shut up, Arthur," she grumbled and walked past him to her horse. The other were already mounted as they had burned the bandits' bodies a while ago. It was a new thing for them to do because it seemed that there were a lot more of them out there than before, so the bodies might upset the travelers too much. Keeping he forest clean and all that.

The rest of the way back to Camelot was mostly a quiet one, if you did not count the constant bickering between Merlyn and Arthur. The man insisted that she had been slipping with her fighting because she had been sent to the ground for five times, and she ordered him to shove his blade where sun did not shine. The knights only listened and laughed once in a while at them, but did not really take part in their discussion. If Sir Nicholas had been there, he would give his opinion on things and would regularly be told to shut up by both of them. It was a normal thing these days, and Merlyn actually quite liked it. She was not even sure why she had been first so damn scared to make any friends, not even when she had been too scared of revealing herself.

The Lower Town was filled with people, and they all waved and shouted greetings to them, as the group rode to the citadel. That had been a weird thing for Merlyn at first, but she had slowly gotten used to it and now she even smiled back at them. The children seemed to be very taken by her, as they always smiled especially to her and the little girls almost always gave her flowers as she went past them. She had become a sort of a hero to them by being a woman with the knights, a strong fearless warrior unheard of anywhere else. And Merlyn really did not mind.

"Merlyn!" A delighted shout came from the steps of the citadel, when she dismounted finally and was stretching her aching muscles. Morgana stood there with a wide, if a bit creepy smile on her face and Gwen by her side, also grinning wide. Merlyn raised a brow but waved at her, and then saw her motion the warrior to her.

Arthur stopped by his advisor's side with his arms crossed and hummed low. "She has that look on her face. I feel sorry for you," the prince stated, looking rather scared himself. He knew the princess a lot better than Merlyn did, so his words sent Merlyn's heart down to her feet.

"That look?" Merlyn gulped glancing at him, but mostly kept her eyes on the princess. The younger girl sure did have a weird look on her right then, a sort of a glint in her eyes that promised nothing good to happen. Merlyn was already planning an escape route, but knew it would do no good because it would be Gwen who would drag her to Morgana sooner rather than later. One bad thing about royals was that they always seemed to get what they wanted.

"Mm-m, _the_ look. She's planning something. Something you will probably not like at all," Arthur answered, uncrossing his arms as his sister walked closer and took a small step back to keep himself away from his sister's grasp. Merlyn had no chance to ask anything else because a hand suddenly gripped her elbow and started to drag her to the castle. Merlyn was spluttering protests, begging eyes on Arthur who just grinned widely and waved at her. "Good luck!"

"And you were supposed to be my _friend_!" She shrieked while stumbling up the stairs after Morgana and her maid, who were walking shockingly fast despite their dresses. " _Prat!_ " The last insult was shouted just before Merlyn was dragged to the entry hall of the castle, but she still heard the prince's booming laughter echo from the yard. Grumbling, she submitted to being dragged through the castle to the princess' room, where she was unceremoniously dumped to sit on a chair as the door flung shut.

 

The younger girl clasped her hands together, the odd smile never leaving her lips. "So, Merlyn," she started ominously and made the witch in question gulp out loud, "father's birthday celebration is tomorrow evening, and you will be a quest there. By my request, of course."

With a furious shake of her head as Merlyn already knew where this was going, she started to get up from the chair, but was pushed back down by Gwen. "Wha- _no_ , Morgana. _Nonono._ I am not going to dress up all pretty there, I have no reason to!" The exclamation went completely unnoticed as the princess was already bringing three boxes in front of Merlyn on the table.

"Oh, shut it. Do it for me?" Morgana pleaded, pursing soon her lips as she saw the dirty look on Merlyn's face. "For _Arthur_ then?"

" _For Arthur_?" The apparent dress-up doll scoffed. "Why would he want me to wear a dress? To make fun of me, or to humiliate me a bit more in training?" The look Morgana gave her was a curious one - it was both disappointed and delighted, but Merlyn did not understand either of the feelings when it came to the subject. But she had to admit, that for once being a quest in one of the banquets  rather than working was an exciting thought, even if it meant wearing a dress. So, with a heavy sigh she slumped against the chair and waived a hand to let them start their presentation they undoubtedly had ready.

Morgana had asked Gwen to make three dresses all in different styles and colors - two of them were a bit too showy and fancy looking for Merlyn's taste. The first was a deep red one and it had gold embroidery on the hem, and along the neckline that was _way_ too deep for her. It also had a gold belt hanging loosely over her hips. It left her shoulders bare, but had long, bell-like sleeves that were so big that they reached her thighs. Then the second dress was sapphire blue with a bit darker shade blue neckpiece to go with it. The neckline was not so big and actually covered up her cleavage all the way - but it left her whole back bare, so it was a _no-no_.

But the third one was really pretty even in Merlyn's eyes. There were two layers - the lower one was a very dark green color than reminded Merlyn of the huge pines that were in the forest outside of Camelot, and it covered her torso, legs and formed the sleeves too. The sleeves started just under her shoulders and reached her wrists. The cleavage was a fairly modest one, but still showed some of her bosom. Then to top layer was a bit lighter green, and it was sort of a corset with the laces on the front, and it had its own skirt-typed thing going over the darker one, but did not cover it completely as it left a wide arch of it on the front. It did push her breasts up more, but Merlyn was glad to notice that it was not too much. The lighter green fabric had some white embroidery on it too, forming leaves here and there.

Merlyn was standing in front of Morgana's mirror, staring at her reflection the same way she had when she had tried on the jacket Arthur had given her, but the image was even more odd now. She really had not worn a dress in years if you did not count the ill-fitting white one she had when ambushing those bandits a few months ago. "I think I like this one," Merlyn finally mumbled as she tilted her head a bit. The girls behind her nodded in a slight daze as they watched her, both smiling like idiots at the sight. Morgana ordered Merlyn to come back the next day before the feast so they could help her get ready.

On her walk back to her chambers, Merlyn was a bit distracted as her mind flew constantly back to the image of her wearing a dress. The bruise on her temple would ruin the look a bit and so would the scar running along her chest just below her neck, but everyone already knew who she was and what she did, but as much as she was a warrior, she was also a woman - and she had actually looked like one, even with her hair tightly braided and face all dirty from the journey back home.

 

The prince's door flung open just as she was walking past it, startling her from her thoughts completely. "Oh, I'm sorry, miss," George gasped as he saw her there. The boy had a full basket of laundry in his arms, and face a bit red - no doubt the prince had made him work like a crazy now that he was back again. "The prince actually sent me to come look for you, and to ask you to join him when you are free."

She snorted a bit and shrugged. "Well, I'm free now." And promptly walked to the man's chambers. Merlyn did not hear George's protests as she bravely walked to the archway leading to Arthur's bedchambers. There was a small sound of movement coming from there, so she figured the prince was brooding at his desk and trying use his eyes to burn holes in the reports undoubtedly piling up on his desk. "So, what do you…" her question trailed off quite quickly when she registered the sight in front of her. Arthur stood there with only his towel loosely around his hips, dripping wet as he clearly just got out of the bath that was still next to his privacy screen. The man just stared back, eyes wide but with a smug grin on his lips - not that Merlyn saw that as her eyes were somehow glued on the man's very well toned chest that had a light patch of hair on it and covered in healed scars, and then to the water driblets running down, down to his towel on his hips and over the V-shaped cleft there…

It took her embarrassingly long to snap out of her stun and look up to Arthur's eyes, that were now the normal size and shining proudly. "See something you like?" He asked incredibly smugly, smirking like he had gotten the greatest gift ever.

Shrugging, the witch smiled right back. "I sure do," there was no harm in admitting it and it would do no good for her to even try to deny, as she had been probably staring at him for a full minute. And he really was good-looking and well-built, as he clearly knew too. Merlyn was not a shy person, so admiring something undoubtedly gorgeous and admitting it was quite normal for her. Except it made Arthur blush furiously. "Oh, come on. Don't be a _prude_ , Arthur. I'm not a coy person and you know it," she scoffed and walked to his desk to sit on the chair. She crossed her legs on the table and relaxed against the backrest, eyes back on the prince who had not moved from his place so now she had a good look on his muscled back. She always had had a thing about muscled backs, hm…

"I am no prude," Arthur eventually managed to say when he recovered enough and turned around, hand gripping the towel to keep it from falling. The sight was definitely a delicious one, and Merlyn could _not_ deny that from herself. She liked to admire handsome men, and the prince sure was one. And she did it with confidence too, not even trying to hide her staring anymore.

He got a wicked grin back. "I know. I've heard the rumors," she mused nonchalantly and brushed some loose hair from her face away. Arthur's face seemed to fall after her comment, but he said nothing. "But I'm sure that if you caught me in a similar position, you'd stare too. It's only normal." Now _that_ statement made the prince react hilariously - the blush deepened into an impossible shade of crimson, his grip on the towel tightened and his jaw dropped almost to the floor. But before Merlyn could mention on it, he turned around again and shifted the towel nervously like to cover something better. Realizing why and what, Merlyn had to purse her lips tightly together to keep herself from laughing - it would be too cruel for her to laugh right now as he was already blushing so bad, but the situation was just too _funny_. The warrior knew perfectly well that neither of them had any special feelings about the other, and the reaction she had about the sight and the one he had about her comment were both completely common, but nothing could ever happen.

 _A girl can dream though,_ she found herself thinking, but pushed that away as fast as it came. It would not do any good for her to dream about bedding the prince or being with him because it was impossible. "Go change, prat. I'm _not_ going to help you." And the prince went, so fast that Merlyn had a hard time to register the movement. She snorted as she rose from the chair and walked to the dining area. "I'll see you tomorrow at the feast then!" Merlyn heard a muffled agreement behind the screen before she walked out of the door.

 

***

 

The castle was once again bustling with activity, as all of the servants were on duty to make the feast great, the knights were anxious to make sure no assassins or sorcerers got to the castle and even the nobles were fretting over their clothes and the king's gifts and whatnot. Every person in Camelot was nervous in some way - Merlyn's nervousness presented itself first as a huge urge to run away to a faraway country, and then by her hacking the practice dummies in the middle of the day. Some of the knights on duty visited her and tried to calm her down - unsuccessfully - and those who were also guests came to ask her to be their dates. She declined every invitation saying she was going with the princess, and luckily only Thomas tried to argue.

An hour before the feast was about to start, Merlyn went to Morgana's chambers. She had even bathed for the second time in two days, just to make sure she was presentable and fit to wear the beautiful dress. Merlyn argued with the princess about makeup, hair and shoes for most of the time they were getting ready and they reached a compromise - Merlyn could wear her boots because she had no idea how to walk in slippers, Morgana had the chance to do something to her thick, unruly black hair and then the only makeup she would wear would be some light brown color and darker kohl around her eyes. The only jewelry Merlyn owned was a simple necklace; it was a oval shaped pendant with a silver dragon on a black base. She had owned it since her days in Ealdor with her mother but had no idea where she had gotten it.

Just before they left to the Great Hall, Merlyn stood before the mirror with Morgana. The princess was wearing the red dress she had showed Merlyn and it looked gorgeous on her, as it hugged her curves in a way it would not have done on Merlyn. The girl's hair was pinned in a complicated bun and she had her delicate gold coronet on top of her head. She only had some rings on her fingers, but no necklace or earrings. Usually, when Merlyn was wearing her normal clothes, she felt like the ugly, poor friend. But now she felt she belonged standing there in her green dress. Her dark hair was in simple waves and looked twice as thick than usual. Some of it fell along her back, some over her shoulders and two strands of her hair at her temples were pulled loosely back to expose her face better and even when she had no powders and whatnot covering her skin, the scar on her lip and the two faded ones on her cheek, and also the fairly fresh bruise on her temple, it did not look so bad. Merlyn just looked like a woman who had actually experienced life.

 

**A**

 

Uther was really enjoying himself at the feast, and Arthur liked seeing his father in such a good mood. Everyone had delivered their gifts almost immediately, and even when they were the normal cases of gold, jewelry and other riches, and then the engraved, beautiful sword Arthur had given him - it was from him and Morgana, but his sister was fashionably late once again -, he was now drinking wine like a champion and not even drunk yet. People were chatting loudly and the music was playing, people were dancing and the mood was very high. Arthur too might have enjoyed himself more, if one thing was different - if Merlyn was there. The girl had promised that she'd come but she was nowhere to be seen. Even Leon had no idea where she was.

The double doors to the hall opened then as the prince was waiting for George to fill his fourth cup of wine, and Morgana strolled in her beautiful red dress. Gwen was with her too wearing a plain lavender colored dress, and a third woman walked behind them, but people were milling around them so Arthur could not see her properly so he decided to make his way to his sister. He saw a glimpse of a fairly simple, yet well-made green gown on the mystery person.

Morgana smiled sweetly at Arthur when he stopped next to her. "Fashionably late as usual," he mused and hugged the girl quickly, being very careful with her dress and hair as the princess had already once almost taken out his eye because he messed them up years ago. Morgana let out a laugh, but nodded all the same.

"Why _of course_ , brother dear, why change now?" He snorted at her retort, but had to agree that her ways brought her a lot of attention. Arthur might have once acted like a protective big brother about it, but Morgana knew how to take care of herself. Once, maybe two years ago when the girl was fifteen, one drunken son of a nobleman had tried to take advantage of her and she had quite literally bashed his nose on his cheek before Arthur even noticed anything. After that, he had mostly stayed away.

The smile on his sister's lips suddenly changed into a self-satisfied smirk, as she turned slightly to the mystery woman, who had her back to them as she was currently talking to the oddly a bit blushing Sir Leon. "I believe, Arthur, that you know who this is," she announced and touched the woman's shoulder to turn her around. And when she did, Arthur swore his heart skipped at least three beats and the world froze right there.

The color of the dress really suited her. It did make her look a bit paler than usually but it was a beautiful paleness, not a sick one. He noticed that her eyes looked even bigger and bluer than ever before and so beautiful like always, probably because of the light makeup she had around them, and her hair looked smoother and thicker. Well, he did normally see it either tied up tightly or messed up completely and covered in dirt after rolling on the ground. He noticed the strange scar on her chest again, like when he had seen her the first time in the castle, but tried not to let his eyes linger around her chest for too long, he did notice that even her figure looked different, a bit curvier - softer, more touchable and it practically made his mouth dry a bit. That could also be happening because Arthur's mouth was currently hanging open and it seemed to make her want to laugh.

"Are you OK there, Arthur?" Merlyn asked, trying very hard to keep her face straight but failing miserably. He snapped his teeth together and coughed, muttering something none of them understood - and neither did he - so he just squared his shoulders to steel himself and took her hand in his own. He had almost forgot how right it felt when she called him by his name, and not 'sire' or 'my Lord'.

"Welcome, Merlyn," he noticed he almost purred her name - something he had not expected or would never admit - as he pressed his lips on her knuckles lightly. If he lingered there a while, no one would blame him. As the monarch straightened himself again, Arthur still kept the delicate hand in his own - he really did not want to let go. Merlyn's hand felt a bit cold and sweaty, but still soft despite the hard skin that had formed from fighting with a sword for years. The touch of her skin sent shivers through his body, even when the touch was so small. From the corner of his eye, the prince saw the pleased grin on his sister's face before she vanished to the crowd and left them alone. "Care for a drink?" After Merlyn had eagerly nodded, Arthur pulled her hand along his arm to clutch his elbow and like the gentleman he liked to call himself, escorted the girl to find some wine. Surprisingly, she did not even resist being led like a lady even though she normally would try to fight it.

Merlyn took the goblet of wine from George like it was the last drink she'd ever have, and almost downed it in one gulp while still holding Arthur's arm with her other hand. He raised an amused eyebrow at her and received a dirty look from her. "Not really comfortable here, prat," she muttered, looking around the room. It was a sight, even he had to admit it and he had seen a lot of banquets in his life. The walls were almost completely covered by Camelot's banners that reached from ceiling to the floor. Hundreds of candles lit the room, the fireplaces all had fires blazing in them to keep the chilly February air away and most talented musicians in the land were in one corner of the room, providing the quests something to dance to. Long tables of food stood on the other side of the room, and the other had tables and chairs to sit at. The high table for the royal family and their advisors was on its normal place and the middle of the room was dedicated for dancing. There were already at least ten couples swaying with the music, including Sir Donald, Thomas' twin, and his wife lovely Hannah. Arthur had met the woman and their son, Reynold, who had looked at the prince like a god. The prince actually enjoyed it when the children looked at him like that, as it felt more honest then. "At least I got to wear my boots under this _thing_ ," he heard Merlyn hum and looked down just as she lifted her skirt a bit to show her familiar, leather boots she almost always wore and it made him snort silently. Of course the warrior would try to hold on something that made her feel lime home.

"So, if you don't mind me asking, did you wear a dress today just to honor my father or..?" He teasingly asked and got a light punch in the gut for it. Arthur almost spat out his wine, but only spluttered and coughed a bit. Merlyn looked a bit ashamed by the question so his first thought was that he had scared her away even before the night even began. If she decided to spent the night with someone else, he would probably not take it that well. It was stupid to be so jealous and possessive over a woman who was not even his and would undoubtedly never be. She had made it clear on multiple occasions that she had no interest in him.

A silent snort eventually came from her after she downed the goblet empty and gave it to George to fill again. "Your sister can be very...  _persuasive_ ," the answer came after the refilled goblet was in her hand. "She asked me to first wear it for her, but I refused. Then she asked me to wear it for you of all things." Again, Arthur was close to spit out the wine he had just gotten in his mouth. Had Morgana told her about his strange feelings? Was his sister really that bad in keeping secrets that she could not contain herself for more than two months? Arthur did not want the relationship between him and Merlyn to get weird again, so he tried to keep his feelings a secret from her. It seemed that Leon too had noticed something on his own, but luckily Merlyn was a bit oblivious that way.

"And why would she do that?"

Merlyn shrugged nonchalantly and took now a smaller sip of the wine. "No idea. Maybe to give you something more to tease me about," she almost groaned and rolled her eyes as she saw Morgana stare at them, standing there still practically hand in hand. Neither of them made a move to step away, though. "It is not like you even care what I wear, so I might as well have a burlap-sack on me right now." The prince took a small step back and looked at her from her hair to her toes, but never let her hand fall away.

"Well, you have a sort of a point there," mused Arthur and watched how her stunning blue eyes turned back to look up at him. They blazed with anger once more, but this time he knew not to accidentally insult her. "I would not care if you were a sack, or in a tunic and trousers, or a dress like now. You'd still be very beautiful." He had to smile fondly at the nonplussed look she had on her face, but left her there to think about his words. No, he still did not want for her to know his true feelings, but what was the point in keeping _a fact_ from her? Poor Merlyn would spend the entire night worrying that she looked ridiculous if someone did not say it.

The prince made his way to the knights standing next to the table filled with food and grabbed a couple of grapes in his hand. He was extremely nervous as he waited for Merlyn do react to his words, so his appetite was completely gone now, even when he had not eaten anything yet. "What's the hot topic here?" Arthur asked as he stopped next to Leon. Apparently, they were talking about the women in here, and seeing as most of them were single it was not surprising. He might have laughed and talked too, if they had not been talking about Merlyn right that moment. Sir Leon stood slightly between the other men and Arthur, just to be sure.

"Did you see the curves? Gods, that woman makes me go insane if she shows them off like that," one of them moaned, cheeks already rosy from all the wine. Arthur curled his left hands into a fist to keep himself from throwing the grapes at him.

"And that chest?" Arthur's heart was pounding painfully after that.

"Ah, my favorite part are the eyes. It always looks like she sees right to your soul, but also feels like you should be dead right there and then," unsurprisingly that was Sir Thomas, the sleazy idiot. The prince bit his tongue to keep quiet, but it was getting harder by the second.

"Oh, and those lips! So pink, and full. I just-" a sudden sound of throat being cleared came from behind the knights and they all froze, as they too recognized the sound all too well after hearing it too many times at the training grounds. Arthur too was familiar with the sound, and was very glad that it was not directed at him - he just stood there with a grin on his face and plopped another grape in his mouth. Slowly, like they were hiding from a predator, the men all turned and parted ever so slightly so Arthur too saw Merlyn standing behind them. She had her hands on her hips, weight shifted on her left leg and the right foot was tapping against the floor. If the situation was different, she might have looked like a mother about to scold her misbehaving children.

Her voice was dry and emotionless, but her eyes were glinting with amusement. "While I really appreciate the fact that you all seem to enjoy the parts of my body so much, I'd very much not want to hear you talk so loudly about them," Merlyn announced. Like Arthur had thought, the knights looked equally ashamed and terrified. They knew that they'd pay for it the next day in training. Merlyn was one to keep her words - she had once threatened all of them because they had been fighting over her and done it the same day. She really was not one you should be talking so crudely. "And I'd like to remind you, of how you're behaving is not very honorable. And the knights are supposed to be all about honor and being gentlemen, am I right?" A round of nods, but none of Arthur's brave, selfless knights had the guts to move before Merlyn gave her permission. It was a bit comical, really.

The warrior in her dress looked somewhat satisfied with their shame, so she smiled sweetly now. "The next time any of you try to make an object of me, or decide that only because I have _a cunt_ you have some kind of a claim at me, I'll literally beat the crap out of you and make you stay in bed for weeks to recover. Am I making myself _clear_?" Even when the rather crude question was asked in a tone one might use when talking to a child, the menace was very clear. When she heard agreements from all of them, she waived a hand and they scattered away like ants. That was one of the things Arthur most liked about Merlyn; she had authority, and it came so naturally to her. Sometimes she managed to order the prince around too, and that never happened with anyone other than the king and sometimes with Morgana. And Merlyn was so strong, not at all hurt about the knights' words but took them as a new challenge and won it.

"You handled that well," he muttered sarcastically as the girl stepped next to him and heard a silent hum from her. He glanced down to see her face better, and oddly Merlyn was looking right back at him. She had that planning face on that rarely meant anything good. He groaned on the inside, just waiting for a rant at him too about something stupid - or about his earlier words. But eventually, she only gave him a small smile and looped her arms around his elbow again, tugging him with her to the crowd. Arthur just followed like a sheep, dazed and happy just to be there. Perhaps Merlyn just took the compliment like something a friend would do to cheer her up, and that was just fine, even if he'd be stuck being just friends with her. It meant he could continue to be just a little more straightforward with her, and his feelings might go away finally someday. But then again, they had been there ever since the poisoning, maybe even before that and they had only grown stronger. _Maybe a miracle will happen and my father decides to allow me to be with a commoner?_ In his mind, he sent that wish to the gods.

Some eyes landed on them walking through the people arm in arm, a clear look of awe on their faces and Arthur could not blame them for it. This was the first time they showed their closeness among others besides the knights. And Merlyn was not one to be known for smiling and greeting people who came to talk to them. Arthur also knew that they looked wonderful together; he might be boasting a bit but he knew he was good-looking, more-so in his ceremonial attire of the shining armor, bright red cape and the coronet of a prince on his hair. And he probably was glowing with happiness right now with the gorgeous Merlyn next to him wearing _a dress._ He had not even wrapped his mind around the fact that she was actually in a dress that hugged her delicate, mouth-watering frame like a glove.

"My Lord?" A feminine voice called from his left side when they were walking to Leon and the other knights again. Smugly, he had noticed the jealous looks he got from the men - especially from Sir Thomas. The prince looked at the speaker and came face to face with a young girl with a blonde, almost white long hair and green eyes. He recognized her as the daughter of Lord Hynden, the noble living on the South border of Camelot, Sarah or something. She was wearing a well-fitting purple dress that showed a bit more of her than Arthur thought proper. "I came to ask, if you'd allow me the pleasure of a dance," she purred in a voice the girl probably thought was alluring, but to him sounded like a hungry cat. While she had a sweet, suggestive smile plastered on her lips, her eyes were flicking to Arthur's right and shining with anger.

Ignoring the stifled snicker coming from Merlyn, Arthur smiled as politely as he could. "I apologize, but I must decline the offer, as I was just about to join my knights for an important discussion. Good evening, my Lady." And walked away with Merlyn as fast as he could while also not looking like he had a rush to leave. He noticed how Merlyn was turning alarmingly red because she was trying to hold in her laugh but as soon as they reached Leon, the uncontrollable snickers were coming out of her mouth. The warrior was holding Arthur like a lifeline and trying not to fall down from the force of her laughter.

"Did you- you see h-her _face,_ " she hooted as she planted her free hand on her mouth, "I s-seriously thought she was going to rip off my head by the way she was glaring at me!" The words were said brokenly along with her laugh, and the way she was shaking and her eyes were watering, it was hard for the men not to be amused too - Arthur at least was because he too had seen it. He was grinning wide as he looked down at her and not even caring about the hand practically crushing his elbow.

Leon was the only one not laughing, but at least he was smiling. "It seems that every other woman in here wants to do the same thing," he mused and gave the prince a pointed look while saying that. The women all looked downright murderous when they saw the prince spending time with another woman - a woman who was not a noble even. But he really could not care less.

"Let them," Arthur scoffed and waived a servant over. "I'm really not interest in their suggestions of _dancing_ of all things. I hate it." He got a full goblet again and so did Merlyn, who was soon happily sipping it. Her cheeks were reddening already as the wine was a bit stronger than the ale she had had at the tavern.

Sir Hugo stepped closer, eyeing someone over the prince's shoulder. "Well, at least your sister does not think like that," he pointed out and gestured with his chin to the dancers. "She looks like she's having a good time." The prince looked to the direction and smiled fondly when his eyes spotted Morgana dancing happily with one of the noble's sons. If he remembered correctly, he was the most powerful heir after the royal siblings in Camelot and always had spent a lot of time with Morgana at these events. The way they were laughing and giving each other meaningful looks, there was no question if they fancied each other.

"Good for her," Arthur hummed and turned back to the others. "It would be her dream to find a husband she actually liked, and I don't think father would deny it if they asked. Henry is the oldest son of Lord Finn, so he is a powerful man already." Leon nodded. The knight knew Henry too, as they had grown up together before he had joined the knights. Henry had enjoyed politics and literature more, so Leon said they had grown apart a bit.

Merlyn frowned at his side and lowered her cup. "What about you?" She asked and looked up to him. "Don't you want to find a wife you actually loved?" Yes, he really did. He nodded slowly and turned to look at his father. Uther was a decent father, but the most important thing for him was the kingdom, so Arthur - as the oldest child and heir to the throne - would be married off to a princess or a powerful noblewoman at least. He was only worried about keeping the kingdom a powerful place, so things like love and the happiness of his son were not important.

"Sure I would," Arthur sighed and downed the wine with one big gulp. "But father only wants me to have a powerful queen. He cares not for love or things like that." The dark blue eyes watched him carefully as Merlyn pursed her lips together, not looking very happy about the answer and patted his arm in a comforting gesture.

"When you're king, you can change that," Merlyn mumbled, smiling cheerfully. "Whoever you end up loving someday, even if she was no princess, you'll make her your wife. Just make sure she's not a _prat_ like you." The order lifted Arthur's mood once more and he laughed, nodding approvingly. The woman he wanted was strong both mentally and physically, an independent woman who took no crap from anyone and had an intelligent, fast-working head on her shoulders. She would really be a great leader on her own too, in case Arthur ever had to leave her to rule alone. But he could not have her, so he just hoped that whoever he ended up marrying, would come even somewhere close to her. 

Even when the feast was only going on for its fourth hour and the sun had just only set, some of the people excused themselves after already drinking too much wine or blaming their old ages for not being able to continue anymore. But one of the oldest people there was not looking like he would give up anytime soon and was sitting beside the royal librarian at the moment. Arthur pointed Gaius out to Merlyn, and made her snort as she saw Gaius toast once more with Geoffrey. "Should we go make sure Gaius does not pass out?" Murmured Merlyn, when Geoffrey started to sway a bit on his seat. "Geoffrey sure looks like he's about to fall." The prince nodded grinning, and they made their way to the older men.

"Gaius?" He had to repeat the physician's name a few times, because they were closer to the musicians now and Gaius did not hear anything. "You are lucky you have an endless supply of you hangover remedy, by the look of you two, you'll need it tomorrow." That prompted some odd giggling from the usually calm, professional older men and it made the younger ones press their lips tightly together to not laugh.

"Merlyn!" Gaius suddenly exclaimed when his eyes landed on the woman. Merlyn's eyebrows shot up when Gaius grabbed her wrist and pulled her to sit next to him. The physician cupped her face with both his hands, looking at the girl with such a tender look that Arthur thought Gaius might start crying. "Oh, my sweet girl, I am so glad you came here. I miss your mother so much… you look like her, even when you have a striking resemblance to you father." Smooth hands landed on the wrinkled ones and Merlyn pulled them from her face, but did not let go. Arthur was baffled to see unshed tears in her eyes.

"I miss them too," Arthur barely heard her, but it still made his heart clench painfully. Her parents must be dead then, he realized now that he saw the utterly heartbroken look on Merlyn's face. He did remember her telling how she had practically lived alone since she was three, so that would have been a good hint about that, but Arthur was admittedly a bit slow with small hints. "I promise I'll visit you in a few days, so we can talk about this without you being intoxicated and almost falling from your chair," the promise was made with a teasing voice and a smile, but it was clearly sincere. The physician nodded eagerly and lifted her hands up to place a small kiss on them.

Arthur decided to step in then because Merlyn looked close to crying, and he knew she'd be ashamed about it, "I think, Gaius, that you should get to bed. We could use a functioning physician tomorrow. You too, Geoffrey." The old men did not resist, and soon were helped out of the Great Hall with the help of Sirs Nicholas and Jackson. Merlyn and Arthur stayed where the two had been sitting, and sipped their wine in silence for a while. Arthur was only thinking about Merlyn and her secret past, and how badly he wanted to know about it. He was not curious out of curiosity only, but because he wanted to give the girl someone to talk to. Sure she had Gaius, and probably Morgana in some way, but one more could not really hurt in any way.

"What happened to your parents?" He finally mustered the courage to ask, but wished he didn't as Merlyn stiffened because of it. "Sorry. You don't have to answer." But the mumble was waived off and she squared her shoulders slightly.

A heavy sigh came, before she opened her mouth. Her voice was quiet and a bit resigned, but determined. "Don't apologize, it's okay," stated Merlyn. The prince nodded slowly and shifted in his seat to turn to see her better. He propped his right elbow against the table and his chin on his palm. Merlyn snorted at his position. "I don't remember anything else, but that we lived in Ealdor and my mother's name was Hunith. You heard that I apparently look more like my father, but I don't remember him at all… well, except that he was on the run from here." Merlyn waived a hand to gesture around her. Arthur blanched hard at that - her father was a fugitive from Camelot? But why? He asked that from her, but she just shrugged.

"Like I said, I don't remember anything about him. Not even what he looked like, or what his name was… nothing." The warrior sighed again and wiped her cheek quickly. Arthur had seen the tear, but said nothing to keep her from getting angry or more sad than she already was. "But the thing is, that I'm not sure how my mum died. She was alive when I saw her the last time but before I came here, I visited Ealdor. No one gave me any answers, very few even knew the name but no one knew what had happened or if she had even died. But it's easier for me to think that she did, and not that she never looked for me, or just up and left for good."

One fact made Arthur frown. "What do you mean 'look for you'?" He had a feeling he knew the answer, but hoped he was wrong.

A sad smile rose to Merlyn's lips as she looked down at her hands. "I was kidnapped," she whispered so silently that Arthur almost did not hear her. But he did, and the heartache he had felt earlier was nothing compared to what he felt now. "The woman was utterly mental. She.. she was the one who first taught me to fight, and forced me to learn how to read and write for some reason. I was being bred to be a deadly weapon for her to use anyway she wanted. But, that _bitch_ never saw me becoming more and more determined to leave-," the smile changed into a bitter smirk now, "-so when I was twelve, I escaped. She had over a hundred men keeping the fortress safe and to keep me in. I didn't work."

The eyebrows in Arthur's face were almost vanished in his hair by the time Merlyn fell silent. She had been raised as a weapon? Arthur had no fear of her being that weapon sent to Camelot, no, but the statement 'fighting to survive' she had said the first day made more sense now. And she had escaped _alone_ when she was _twelve??!_ He had a new admiration for even being on the same skill-level now after hearing that. When Arthur had been twelve, he had only been starting his official training.

"She's still looking for me," Merlyn suddenly stated, "but she will never find me. She taught me too well, because when I was only seven, she was scared of my skills. So if she ever comes for me… I'll be waiting." Her smile was almost cruel now, and the prince felt small shivers run up his spine. Merlyn really could be scary even only with her words, and Arthur just hoped he would never become her enemy in anyway.

They sat there in silence again and just watched the dancers and other people milling around - well, Merlyn watched them, and Arthur watched her. The sun had set over two hours ago, but the younger people, the king and some of the nobles refused to give in. The band had taken a brake and was just now starting to play again. Arthur noticed how Merlyn almost longingly watched the people dancing joyously with their partners - but never had he expected her to jump up and pull the prince with her towards the dancers. "No, no! Merlyn! I don't dance!" He tried to protest, but it fell in deaf ears as she just skipped forward and smiled brightly. Sighing, he relented and let himself be pulled in the middle.

The tune was a fast one, and the people already dancing were too drunk to even care about proper steps as they spun and jumped around. Merlyn pulled to a stop when she found a perfect space for them and spun around to face Arthur. The look on her face was so happy and expectant, that every cell in his body just screamed _dancedancedance_ and he did not even think to resist anymore. Her hands landed on Arthur's shoulders as his went to her waist, and then they went. The dancing reminded Arthur of the bonfire dances the citizens had on Samhain festivals, where they twirled, jumped, laughed and spun around their partners with such a passion that Arthur longed to feel - and now he felt it. He felt his lips spread into a wide smile at the sight of Merlyn stumbling once in a while, but laughing gleefully every time. They were a whirlwind of red and green among the dancers, who suddenly copied them and danced with the same fervor as Merlyn and the prince did. At one point, he even saw the king look at them with a knowing look on his face - but surprisingly he only looked mildly disapproving.

A while later, when they were both out of breath but big grins on their faces and once again standing apart from each other, the music changed into a slow, melancholic one. Couples around them stepped closer to each other, swaying slowly along the melody and whispering endearing words to each other. Nervously, he turned to Merlyn to pull her away, but was surprised when she just came closer, took his hand to place it on the space just above her hip and tucked her own hand on his shoulder, and the other one in his free hand before letting Arthur set their direction. They were standing so close that their bodies were almost pressed together. Merlyn was shorter than he was by a few inches so the top of her head was just reaching his nose, and it gave Arthur the chance to properly see the jealous looks the other women in the hall gave them.

"So, Merlyn," a hum came from her and he looked down to her eyes while the same time spinning them around. "Are we going to talk about the fact that you were _very inappropriately_ in my room with me only wearing a towel?" He did not miss the dreamy look in her eyes when he mentioned the incident and it made him grin smugly again. Never had he met a woman who was so open about her admiration of him in that state, or about her words about those things. Yes, it was a bit shameful how many women had seen him that way when he had brought them in his chambers, but those days were long gone. Morgana had only yesterday mentioned it to him; ' _have you noticed that you've had no nighttime visitors after Merlyn came here?'_ As it happened, he had not. But now he knew it, and it was strange how he had stopped it almost immediately after Merlyn came to Camelot. At first it had probably been because her room was so close to his, then he had been hoping to bed _her,_ then he just did not want any others anymore in any way.

Merlyn managed to shake herself from her thoughts finally and was now grinning wickedly. "What's to talk about?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. "If this is about my mention of you seeing me like that and now you want to be even, I _can_ make that happen." Again, Arthur had never met any women so straightforward with these things - all of them just blushed hard, and started to stammer like crazy. But not Merlyn, nope. She was blunt, and clearly enjoying herself. The prince had no delusions of her still having her virtue intact, so that could explain it - not very many commoners had the same worries nobles and royals had about children outside of marriage and things like that.

But, alas, now Arthur was the one acting like a virgin as he was once more blushing at her words and heard her snort. "That was not my point, but I'll remember your offer," he promised and rolled his eyes, trying very hard to keep his voice even. Merlyn muttered something that sounded like 'you better', but he did not comment, as he was occupied by his wild imagination for a moment. The idea was tempting, but he really did not want her to be just one of the girls from his past, not in anyway. She was not just one of them, she was _the_ one. He shook his head to push those thought away before his trousers showed too much. "I was going to ask that you maybe start knocking before you enter in my private chambers?"

At first, Merlyn made a show of seemingly thinking about as she put a finger on her chin and stared at the distance for a moment, but eventually just shrugged and smiled sweetly. "Nah, too much work. And where would I then see you like that again?" She asked feigning misery and pursed her lips in a way that made her lower lip stuck out. It made him laugh out loud even while blushing again. How she managed to make him laugh so freely every time, he did not know but enjoyed immensely and never wanted it to end.

Without them noticing, the song had changed during their dancing and conversation, but neither wanted to pull away. They talked about nothing really, joked and insulted each other like always, when he noticed the necklace around her slender neck. He removed his hand from hers and gently took the pendant in his hand. Arthur tried hard not to give thought to the fact that his hand was literally third of an inch away from the top of her bosom. He did feel the warmth of them, but focused on the jewelry; it was a simple pendant with a silver dragon on a dark base, but Arthur swore he had seen the image of that exact dragon before somewhere. "Where did you get this?"

Merlyn looked down and smiled sadly. "I don't really know anything other than I had it before I was taken. So it probably belonged to my mother," she answered and brought her hand up to touch it too. They stayed quiet for a moment, before Arthur closed his hand around the pendant and her hand. Without noticing, his eyes strayed once more to the strange scar on her chest. I was long and looked like the wound had hurt a lot, and even when it looked old, it was jagged and a nasty reddish color. Arthur lifted their hands back to their original place to their side, and led their movements again, eyes flicking back up to hers. 

"Where did you get that scar?" He asked silently, careful for anyone who might try to listen to them. Merlyn's eyes lowered briefly to her chest before she looked to the side with her lower lip between her teeth. 

It took her a moment to talk again, but to his surprise, she did not sound angry or sad like usually when she spoke of her past. "I was about nine then, I think. I tried to steal some money to buy food at the market, there were sweets that I really liked," Merlyn told him, smiling a bit at the memory, but then her face darkened slightly. "The man ran after me and I ended up in an alleyway, with no way to escape. He was so angry at me, and while I was skilled back then too, he was better and stronger. But he got scared by something, and slashed his blade wildly, wounding me in the process." It was clear that Merlyn was keeping something from him, and it made him a bit frustrated but he did not press too much.

"Are you going to tell me your whole story ever?" A soft question was asked from her.

Merlyn's smile turned gentle now as she looked him in the eye. Her eyes looked once more like they were glowing, but there was a strange glint of excitement. Arthur realized that that was the first time she had not closed off when he asked that question. "One day, Arthur. One day."

The silent promise engraved itself deep in his mind and the earlier frustration melted away. It was a huge thing for her to promise as she had kept her secrets for so long from him. He briefly wondered if Morgana already knew everything, but as quickly as the thought came, he decided it would not matter. It was not a bloody competition, and Arthur was glad if she spoke to someone. The prince himself had had a relatively easy life with living in the castle, having just about everything he ever wanted and being the heir of Camelot. He had no idea what it would be to live with everything Merlyn had already told, or the things she had not - he had a suspicion that those things were even worse than living with her kidnapper, because she had not even touched the topic yet. Arthur just hoped that Merlyn had no permanent scars, so she could someday enjoy life to its fullest.

There were only four couples dancing now, including Morgana and Henry, so there was more space now. He let go of her waist and spun her under his arm once, twice, and then pulled her back. Her body pressed slightly harder against his when they swirled together again, both smiling wide and just enjoying the music and the dancing. When the tune neared its end, he spun her again but this time when he grabbed her waist again, he slipped his hand to her lower back and dipped her upper body backwards while bending over her. Her smile lit the room as it split her face impossibly wide, and the prince felt a huge urge to kiss her. He pulled her up again with bit too much force so she smashed against his chest with a silent yelp. Their faces were only two inches apart and Arthur could feel her warm breath tickle his jaw and lips when she looked up to him, eyes wide and frozen in her place.

The world around him seemed to dim when he bit the inside of his cheek, debating if it was a good idea - _but damn it he wanted to!_ Merlyn must have known what was in his mind, but she did not pull away. The small body against his only stood in place, waiting. Her full, pink lips were slightly parted and her chest was heaving slowly. Arthur swallowed hard and lowered his eyes to her lips, feeling how his head moved closer to her. She never moved, a small smile graced her lips and that gave him the push he needed, so he went to close the distance between them-

 

With an almighty bang the double doors of the hall opened and crash against the walls as a figure dressed in a black cloak strolled in and all Arthur could think was _why now?!_  The intruder had his hood down and eyes blazing gold, as he flicked his wrist to sent the knights flying to the walls. Arthur and Merlyn had jumped apart from each other when the doors had opened, and the prince was now moving to his father - everyone knew why the sorcerers attacked Camelot all the time; they wanted the king dead. While the attacks were coming all the time, Arthur knew that if the ban of magic was not so brutal and they were not hunting magic-users all the time, they would not want vengeance on them. He knew this, understood them, but could not do anything. But he still believed his father's teachings and followed orders without questions.

The intruder stopped in the middle of the hall, eyes now back to their normal brown color but the angry sneer on his face went nowhere. "Happy birthday, Uther Pendragon," he snarled, a cruelly gleeful look in his eyes. A brave, but idiotic noble tried to sneak up behind the sorcerer and got a huge fireball flying at his chest. He was sent stumbling backwards, probably dead, while his wife screamed in agony and his son ran to his father. Arthur felt anger flare in his chest and he pulled out his blade, stepping forward. He almost shook with anger, but when he opened his mouth and was about to move more, he found that he was frozen in place and no sound came from his mouth. "Not so fast, prince. Your father is not the one I'm here to see. You, _dying,_ is my beautiful gift to the _king,_ " the man spat the word out like poison. Arthur heard his father trash in his seat as he too was frozen there.

The sorcerer walked to Arthur, now with a smirk on his face as he quite possibly was about to get exactly what he wanted. Every knight and man in the hall was frozen, all the women were probably too and the prince was about to die. Behind the man, Arthur saw Merlyn. He tried not to look straight at her, not to see the look of fear or anger or whatever she was feeling, but then.. Then he noticed from the corner of his eye how the figure dressed in green moved. He fought not to move his eyes from the sorcerer - currently giving the speech they all had - and out Merlyn's plan, whatever it was.

"Oh, give it a _rest_ ," the idiot exclaimed behind the sorcerer in a bored voice. The man in black in front of the prince froze mid-word and slowly turned around to face the speaker. Arthur too looked up then and saw Merlyn standing there with her eyebrow raised and hands behind her back. "Do you people not have anything else to say?"

She watched how the sorcerer tried to find his wits again, and Arthur struggled against the magic holding him in place. What was Merlyn thinking? He knew that she was courageous and skilled, but she could not take on a magic-user, not alone! Merlyn really did have a death-wish, didn't she?

The smile on her face was sweet and almost friendly, but everyone who watched saw the dangerous look in her eyes when the sorcerer spoke finally, "why don't you mind your own business, _lil' bunny_. I have a prince to kill."

The weird nickname the sorcerer called Merlyn seemed to shake her a bit, but she shrugged it off quickly. "And I have a prince to _save_ ," Merlyn retorted with a nonchalant shrug. Before anyone could even blink properly, she moved; her hand lifted to her neck and with one, swift move and a flash of steel, a dagger pulled from under her dress flew through the air at the man - Arthur wondered briefly how he had not noticed any weapons on her. But the sorcerer stopped it just in front of his chest, starting to laugh cruelly but the noise stopped before it even started as a second blade came from Merlyn's other hand behind her back and flew right past the last one. It made no sound, but a second later Arthur felt the spell fall and the sorcerer fell to the ground, spitting blood from his mouth and trying to stem the blood coming from his chest. It took only a few seconds for him to stop moving finally, with a shocked look he sent to Merlyn the last one he would ever make.

There was a sound of cheering and applauding around them, and the king sprang from his seat to check that Arthur was fine. While he was convincing him that he had no injuries, Arthur's eyes never left Merlyn. The warrior was squatting next to the sorcerer with an unreadable expression on her face. When Uther was satisfied that his son was fine, and the body was removed from the room, he called for the celebrations to continue. Only then did the girl in the green dress move - she sent a pointed look at Arthur before she turned and walked away from the hall. He followed not far behind, and eventually they ended up in a dark, secluded corridor not far from the one their chambers were.

"Are you really that stupid, Merlyn? You could have died!" Was the first thing he said, almost shouted actually. Arthur's heart was still pounding painfully when he thought of the danger she had purposefully placed herself. It was her job, yes, but he hated it. Hated it so much, and he could not even think about her possibly dying someday while saving him once again.

With a heavy tired sigh, Merlyn slumped to sit on the wide windowsill and bury her face in her hands. "I know that. But so could have you, and I cannot let that happen," she mumbled but did not look up until Arthur was crouching in front of her. The blue orbs he had grown to love so much, were slightly glazed but still focused on his. He pushed her hair behind her ear, letting his finger linger near her bruised temple and without even noticing it his fingers moved to her cheek, stroking it gently.

"As long as you are not dying because I cannot keep myself away from danger," he murmured with a slight smile and got one from her too, "I'll be fine." The look on her face was still something he did not understand, but it did not matter because it was gone before it really even came. 

"And I thank you for that, but it's still my job. Orders from the king, like you very well know," she grinned as she - sadly - pulled away from him, dislodging his hand in the same movement. He felt a bit awkward now, after the almost kiss and his fond touches. She was clearly not feeling the same way about him, the near-kiss before was most likely because of the wine and the thrill of dancing. "And like it or not, you are _the prince_ so your life is worth a hundred of mine." As much as Arthur wanted to protest, he knew it would mean nothing. They were both too stubborn to let it go if they started bickering again, so he just hummed and moved to sit next to her. There were some people returning to their chambers walking past the shadowy corridor they were in, all murmuring drunkenly and swaying on their feet. Arthur even saw his father stumble past with the help of his personal servant, finally giving up on the wine as it probably got to his head now.

"When do you think you'll trust me enough to tell me everything?" He suddenly asked. Her eyes never turned to him, but she still smiled.

"Don't worry about it. When I get everything under control, you'll be the first one to know." Even while smiling, her words seemed to have a double meaning, like there was a chance she would not be the one telling him or like he'd freak out after hearing everything. It was a bit ominous when Merlyn said it like that, but he'd have to live with it apparently. Even after telling the first bad things happening to her, she was oddly secretive about what happened after she escaped. Arthur had a hard time figuring out what would be worse.

He just had to accept the fact that Merlyn would not give her any answers about the topic now, so he moved to another one, "what's was up with the man, though? That name he called you, bunny or something." Arthur felt the warrior next to her stiffen at the mention of the nickname, but tried to keep his face calm as he waited for her to say something. It looked like she was debating about something with herself, and was losing the argument, as was apparent the way she sighed heavily a moment later.

"Someone once called me that," Merlyn murmured and turned her head so Arthur could not see her face any better. "Someone really bad I wished to leave to my past."

"Who? Maybe I could-" but he was cut off by a scoff from Merlyn.

"Maybe you could what? Help? Listen? Kill him?" The words were snapped with so much anger that Arthur recoiled a bit, puzzled about the sudden change in her behavior. It was clear that it was a touchy subject for her. Merlyn stood up abruptly and fixed the hem of her dress, never turning back to him again. "Just let it go, sire." And promptly walked away without even an goodnight or anything else, just vanished somewhere among the nobles going back to their rooms. Arthur was left alone once again by her, mind going around in circles so fast he could not grasp any thoughts. So he just stayed there, and stared at the direction Merlyn had gone, silently cursing his luck once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I probably said at the beginning, I looooove slow burn - stories, so just for the heck of it, they won't be ending up together. Yet. Ever? Dunno ;) BUT! A surprise in the next chapter!
> 
> And this chapter is posted this early because I'll be taking several days off from staring at the computer screen. The next one will probably be published January 28th at the latest, but at least there's more to come! I have... four or five ready to be edited! Enjoy and please, leave comments and let me know what you think! :)


	11. So many surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, changing my mind with my 'break', but I doubt that you mind. Enjoy!

As it turns out, Arthur was not so deaf for warnings. Well, Merlyn's warnings at least.

They had been hunting for a few hours, just the two of them for once. Merlyn did like the knights, she really did, but sometimes she got so extremely murderous with their constant presence and idiotic yammering that she was a bit scared of herself. This time, it was because of Sir Nicholas and his crude words. It happened that same day just before they were supposed to leave for the hunt and he had been yapping about the feast that took place two weeks before. He had been talking about the sorcerer first, and how idiotic the man had been to come to the castle like that and threaten the king. Merlyn had been agreeing right until the topic turned to something she had not been waiting that much - her.

"And _then_ comes our saving angel, Merlyn!" Nicholas exclaimed with a huge grin and turned his strikingly green eyes to her. "There she stands in her _delicious-_ " Merlyn might have growled a bit at that, "- dress and just up and killed the bastard! And doing it while still looking so almightily gorgeous and everything! How do you do it, kill someone without a hair in the wrong place?"

Her teeth were gritted so hard she was worried they would break in her mouth, when she glared at the knight, "why don't you come and find out?" Sadly, it only made him laugh and stand a bit closer now. Just thinking about the sorcerer was difficult for her, but hearing someone talk about it was even worse. It was not enough to take a life, but it had to be a life that could have told her something about Mordred. The nickname 'little bunny' had been a big giveaway about the man's employer, but she couldn't have spared his life in front of so many people.

"But I mean really. It's so easy for you! You just wave your blades around and slash and gut and-"

" _EASY?!_ " She shrieked, outraged and shoved the man hard by the shoulders. Nicholas stumbled by the force, mouth gaping as Merlyn stood before him, seething so hard her face started to turn red. It was unfortunate for the man that they were standing in front of the front steps of the castle, so there were a lot of people witnessing everything. "Do you, you arrogant little _weasel_ , really think killing is _easy_ for me?! To take a life, _any life,_ and continue on with my day?!" She bellowed so loud that a few servants close by actually jumped. The others - Hugo, Leon, Walter and Yngred - took a few steps backwards, not really wanting to get in the middle of it and they probably just enjoyed seeing someone finally put the idiot in his place.

Nicholas raised his hands in peace, paling rapidly by the sight of a thunderous Merlyn gripping the hilt of her dagger tightly and glaring hard. "N-no, I-"

"What? Have you yet killed anyone on duty or out of it?" The man shook his head slowly. "When you do, and I _so_ badly hope you do soon, because it is nothing to be proud of! I _hate_ it, it's the worst thing anyone could do in their life. I only kill because I was taught to do it from a young age and it's my _job,_ and I'm _good_ at it, something _you_ cannot say!" With a final, hard shove the knights stumbled to the ground on his ass with a yelp and Merlyn stormed to her horse. From the corner of her eye, she noticed Arthur standing on the top of the steps with his father, watching them silently. The prince walked to the knights and quietly said something to them before bidding his father goodbye.

The sun was already shining brightly and the servants were happily running around the yard doing their duties. There was a group of children too, staring at Merlyn with wide eyes when she walked past them to the Margaret holding the reins of Saewig, petting his neck gently and murmuring something quietly. The warrior stopped next to her mount and took the reins with a curt thank you for the maid. Margaret scurried off quite quickly as she knew not to stay when she was in that mood. But the kids knew nothing about that, and they carefully made their way to her. Merlyn was still angry and quite frankly trembling because of it, but she had her wits still together not to take it on the kids.

"Well, hullo there," she greeted the five small kids with a smile she barely mustered and squatted to their level. "What are you lot doing here without your parents?" She playfully narrowed her eyes to them.

The eldest of them, girl with a light brown hair and blue eyes, took a nervous step closer. "Are y-you going to a fight, m-my Lady?" The girl stuttered while looking at the ground and wringing her hands together in front of her.

Merlyn smiled and shook her head. "Hopefully no fighting today, just a hunt. And I am no lady, just Merlyn," she answered, her smile now more genuine and looked at the other kids. "Are you hoping to be fighters someday, like me?" The children nodded quickly, huge smiles on their faces and made Merlyn sighed inwardly.

"What is it like?" A black haired boy asked, coming to stand in front of the elder girl. He looked only about five years old, but had that look in his eyes that Merlyn knew all too well as she had seen it on the kids brought to Gregor. Those kids had been trained to kill, and they had loved it.

"It is mostly fun, to tell you the truth, but it has its bad sides too," she slowly answered, not really sure how to tell a bunch of kids about the bad things. But luckily, Arthur decided to walk closer then, so she smiled again. "But you'll have to ask some of the knights, because the prince is coming and I need to look professional again." With a wink and a grin, she stood again and plastered a mock-serious expression on her face that made the children giggle. The kids spun around, bowing and curtsying to the prince who smiled gently at them and then they were gone again.

The look on her face vanished immediately when she did not see the kids anymore, and Merlyn mounted her horse without a word to Arthur. She was still expecting the knights to join, but after a few minutes she noticed that the other horses were taken away at some point and only Arthur was there, mounting too. "Let's go then," he announced cheerfully and kicked his mount in to a slow trot. Confused but pleased, Merlyn followed suit and followed the man out of the city.

She had no reason to even ask why the knights did not come with them, so she just enjoyed the calm of the forest. It was already the end of February and the weather was starting to warm up again. While it was still cold, it was getting better. Merlyn had to wear a thick brown jacket over her blue tunic with a corset over it, brown thicker leggings' and even a red neckerchief around her throat to keep the chill away. The clothes were not something she usually wore, but they were a lot better for a hunt than her leather pants and armor-jacket.

 

So, that's how they ended up in the middle of the woods, sneaking between the bushes and trees, and both holding their crossbows ready. They had not managed to catch anything yet, but both were determined to get something to roast for them to eat before they returned to the castle. It had been a hard two weeks for them both. While Merlyn had no new duties, Arthur did and she was the one to deal with the irritated, bored prince. Apparently the king was increasing the prince's duties to better get him ready for being king in the future. Merlyn had formed a peculiar habit to join the man in his chambers when he did his dull paperwork and keep him company with her mostly mindless chatter and jokes. Arthur tried very hard to feign annoyance and once in a while muttering the _'shut up,_ Mer _lyn'_ , but ended up laughing when she suddenly said something utterly stupid about a knight, for an example. They had fun together, and luckily neither felt awkward anymore.

Because it had been bad for a few days after the feast. Merlyn would not lie or try to go around it - they had almost kissed after their dance. The idea had felt right in that moment with the wine and everything, and she would have probably went through with it then, but after the sorcerer… the moment just was over. Merlyn had no idea what she had been thinking then. She did not even think about Arthur that way!

_…right?_

A flash of white in the corner of her eye made Merlyn spin in her place with the bow raised and ready to take a shot, her musings quickly forgotten. But the sight in front of her made the warrior gasp in a very feminine way that was a weird sound coming from her and drop the weapon immediately to the ground. A real, breathing _unicorn_ stood there, munching on some grass and looking so beautiful Merlyn could swear she was about to cry any minute now. She didn't even notice how she was walking to it before the creature raised its head and it was _right there_ just inches away from her. It poked her shoulder with the gleaming horn, and made her smile fondly.

"Well hi there beautiful. Where did you come from?" She whispered in awe, hand raising to let the unicorn smell her before she got the courage to touch its nose. It felt soft under her palm, like the softest silk she had ever laid a hand on and shone even brighter than that. Merlyn was so dazed with the experience, that she did not hear Arthur coming to a stop behind her and ready his bow before he talked.

"Merlyn, move.."

Hand on the unicorn's neck, Merlyn froze and felt her heart skip a beat. "If you value your kingdom, Arthur, you won't harm it," she said calmly and looked over her shoulder to see him hold the bow up and aim for the beautiful creature Merlyn was currently trying to protect with her body.

Like she suspected, the prince didn't move the bow anywhere and a frown appeared on Arthur's face as he peered over the bow at her, "is that a threat, Merlyn?"

Merlyn scoffed at the question, momentarily thinking how little the man actually trusted her to ask something like that. She turned around and spread her arms to cover more or the unicorn still calmly standing behind her. "If you kill a unicorn, a terrible curse falls on the kingdom! _Please_ , listen to me on this.. I would not lie about something like this, it won't do any harm to anyone," the desperation was clear in her voice, and even the oblivious prince could not miss it. He stared at her for a long moment before he ever so slowly let the crossbow down, a strange look in his eyes as they were locked with hers for a moment.

Slowly, the witch turned back to the creature and pressed her face in its neck for a moment. "Go. I can't promise what other will do if they see you. _Go_!" Making a shooing motion with her hands, she tried to urge it to leave. But it did not scare, just stared at Merlyn and the prince behind her. Then it did the most curious thing - it _bowed_. There was no mistaking the gesture - the unicorn bent its front legs and touched the ground with its horn, before getting up after a few seconds and calmly trotting away and leaving two very baffled humans behind.

"Uh, what was that?" The prince was the one to break the silence first as he sauntered next to Merlyn. She was annoyingly aware of the heat that his body was currently radiating over her.

Pursing her lips a bit, she snorted, "one would think you'd know what bowing looks like, _sire_." The use of his title had become an insult on her side after she had grown comfortable with calling him with his given name. "But I don't know why. What I've heard about unicorns does not say anything about that. Maybe it just thanked us? They are intelligent enough for that, I think."

_The prince has proved to be a good man with a pure heart, but he requires your help, young Emrys. He needs your guidance, your darkness and your light, for there will be those who try to take advantage of that side of him. You need to be there to show him what is right and what is wrong. We have faith in you, all of us._

Voices talking to her in her head were no new things for her, but they still scared the living crap out of her if it happened unannounced like that. She jumped wildly and looked around her for the source. Seeing no one, Merlyn just stood there and blinked a few times. Unicorn were the purest of creatures, so it would make sense that it was a sort of a test for Arthur, and for Merlyn as well apparently. The warning though, it did not sound very good in her ears. And her  _darkness?_

"What's wrong?" Arthur voice made her jump again, but she covered it with a bright smile and a shrug.

"Nothing, just thought I saw something. Now let's go, I'm getting hungry so you'll get to roast those rabbits for us! I also don't want to deal with you when _you_ don't get your dinner," she announced teasingly and excitedly clapped her hands together while skipping to the dead animals Arthur had left to the side.

The prince spluttered, " _me_? Cook? Do you really still think I know how?" Merlyn just laughed as she grabbed the rabbits from the ground and continued her way to the horses that were left about a ten-minute walk away. Fast footsteps told her that the prince jogged to catch up, and started to walk silently beside her. His face was the picture of deep thought for a moment. "So, tell me. What would have happened if I shot it?"

Merlyn rolled her eyes to the prince's ignorance and made a face. "For starters, the water would have turned to sand and the crops would have died. Then the livestock would have gotten ill and unfitting for eating, ground becoming un-fertile and dry, trees withering and sicknesses spreading over the citizens too slow to get away. After those, it would not be a kingdom anymore, but a wasteland." The pale eyes staring at her had grown wider and wider the more she talked, and the skin of Arthur was looking deathly pale by the time she was done. Merlyn patted his arm lightly to comfort him, "but you didn't." She got no answer back, just a silent hum and they walked in silence for a while, before Arthur opened his mouth again.

"Can I ask you something?"

Raising an eyebrow, Merlyn sent him a puzzled look. Arthur seemed to have a lot of questions all of a sudden - for the last week he has been pestering Merlyn about little questions like her favorite color and what she liked to do in her free time. "Sure, as long as it does not involve me doing the cooking again." Arthur snorted at her, but shook his head. He looked very nervous now, like he was worried about his question or the answer.

"I just.. uh, when you had that little… _thing_ at training before the peace talks with Bayard," he started and Merlyn felt a bit uneasy as she knew what the man was talking about, "you mentioned a name. Lancelot, if I remember correctly… who is he?"

Merlyn felt her eyes burn at the mention of Lancelot. She had successfully pushed him out of her mind for months now, only seeing him in her dreams once in a while. "He is…" the warrior had no idea what he had been. A friend? Brother? Lover? Well, quite probably all those things at some point of their time with Gregor, but she did not know how to describe him to Arthur the way he'd understand. She had no reason to clam up about him, as the name was already out there. She did remember seeing his death during her breakdown at the training then. "He _was_ a very dear friend of mine. He was the first person I ever loved or trusted in anyway after I was kidnapped. He died over a year ago."

"I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to-"

She waved a hand at him to stop him from apologizing, "stop apologizing, Arthur. It's a fresh wound, but it'll never heal if I don't talk about it." The reassurance did stop him from talking, but he still looked mildly apologetic and touched her shoulder gently. Merlyn gave him a small smile for a thanks.

"Anyway, it's a part of my past and it's still not the time to tell you," hummed the warrior, giving Arthur an impish grin. She did want to talk to him, but was a bit anxious to actually do it. Merlyn played the part of playfully keeping the truth of her past a secret, but the truth was that she was scared that the prince would look at her differently if he knew about the things she did for Gregor and her abductor. From the age of six, she had been too familiar with death and killing but had a hard time to come to terms with it. She was ashamed to put it simply, and was worried that she would be shunned if anyone found out.

Luckily Arthur did not see the way Merlyn hid her real thoughts and just chuckled. "I'll wait, don't worry," he assured her and pushed a branch from their way to the side. In front of them, Saewig and Hengroen were calmly munching on grass, but there were two unknown horses tied next to them. In a span of a minute, a lot of things happened; Arthur had his sword out and Merlyn had her dagger - her sword was in Camelot unfortunately, as she had not thought that she'd need it on a hunt. Then there was a sound of a twig snapping behind them and of a sword being drawn from its sheath. The faster one to react this time was Arthur as he spun and pulled Merlyn behind him. _I'm no damsel,_ she thought, irritated to bits but kept herself from saying anything out lout. There was a _huge_ man in front of them with the tip of his sword pointing at the prince's chest just a few feet away, but he made no move to attack. He did not look like a bandit as he was wearing only simple, worn peasant clothing but he was a scary sight with his trimmed blonde hair, bulging muscles and extremely tall frame.

Arthur was just about to open his mouth to question the man, when Merlyn's mind clicked - _two_ horses. She flipped around and came face to face with another blade just inches away from her face. Her eyes focused on it for a few seconds before she looked at the wielder. Her eyes went wide at the same time her dagger slipped from her hand and her nightmares came back, playing vividly before her eyes when she saw the man holding the weapon.

 

_The man grabs fistfuls of the fabric of Merlyn's tunic and rips it, leaving her torso bare. His breath smells like old wine and rotten vegetables, and his rough beard leaves small marks on Merlyn's neck and jaw. The ragged blade against her underside of her jaw is covered in her tears and small driblets of her blood. His rough hands roam all over her hips, legs, breasts that are no longer covered as the blue fabric was ripped just a few minutes ago._

_"Please, don't…" a ragged sob breaks the silence as the calloused, dirty hands spread her legs and something touches her between her legs. She still has her trousers on, but the hands on her body are becoming impatient. He uses force, tries to pry the fabric off. She fights, kick and scratches, but he's stronger, he rips the fabric off, leaving it in shreds on her shaking legs._

Her heart felt like it would burst from her chest at any moment when her eyes locked with the brown ones he had. He too had his eyes almost bulging from his head. " _You!_ " She gasped, her whole frame trembling slightly. A smile spread on the man's face as the blade dropped slowly, the realization dawning on his face when he recognized Merlyn. The sword dropped from his hand as they were raised up in a familiar gesture she remembered from her past. Merlyn faintly registered how behind him Arthur muttered something to her, a question maybe, but the only thing she focused on was to move closer to the man before her, eyes bright with strong emotions.

_Merlyn can't feel her magic, it feels like its caged somewhere deep inside her. Her eyes flicker gold but nothing happens, everything about her is frozen. "Please, stop," she sobs, hands on the man's chest trying to push him away but nothing happens._

_"We're going to have a good time, lass," he smirks and she smells the wine again and it makes her gag, disgusted and afraid. He is looming over her and comes closer-_

_The door behind them opens with a loud bang that surprises the man so bad he jumps away from Merlyn to see the unwelcome visitor better. He is about to open his mouth, but a furious yell comes from the intruder the same time Merlyn tries to cover herself with her hands and the shreds of her clothes. When she looks up again, she only sees a flash of steel before the head of the evil brute rolls off his shoulders and the rest of the body slumps to the floor, revealing a handsome man, not much older than Merlyn was at the time. His eyes are blazing, bloodied sword still raised until he sees Merlyn there, halfway lying on the table with her clothes mostly torn and eyes red-rimmed from the crying. His eyes soften and the blade drops to the ground as he carefully walks closer with his hands in the air._

_"It's okay now, you're safe now, princess" he gently says in an interesting, rough accent and with slow movements takes off his dark green cloak, holding it open for her. He was a real gentleman, eyes never straying from her face to her exposed chest and legs. Merlyn is shaking now, new tears of relief rolling down her cheeks as she carefully stands again and almost falls against the cloak and her savior. He wraps the cloak and his arms around her small body, whispering soft words to calm her down._

"It's been a while, princess" the man said with the same gentle voice he had spoken in all those years ago as Merlyn crashed against his chest with her arms wrapped around his waist and felt his strong arms around her back. She let out a wet chuckle as her eyes let out the tears finally and soaked his red linen shirt.

She sniffed and nodded, hiding her face against his chest. "It has," the muffled whisper was audible for only them, "it's so good to see you, Gwaine." Merlyn felt lips press on the top of her head when he hummed in agreement. It had been over four years since the incident when he had saved her from being violated, and she had not seen the drunken _angel_ since. After weeks of staying in the city and trying to find him to thank him better, Merlyn had been forced to move as Gregor was getting bored of the town. She had made an promise to herself to someday hunting him down just to give him a proper hug, and now she did it.

"Uh, Merlyn?" The witch in question almost jumped as Arthur's voice came behind her. She reluctantly let go of Gwaine to look at the prince. He looked slightly alarmed by the way she had suddenly hugged a stranger, and even more so as he saw the tears on her face. Merlyn snorted as she wiped her face dry again.

She explained, "uh, yeah. This is Gwaine, I… I met him years ago. He sort of saved my life." It was not a lie - when the man had been attacking her, she had known that she would not be the same Merlyn anymore if the bastard succeeded. Gwaine had saved her from being a totally different, broken girl she would have been then. "Gwaine, this is prince Arthur of Camelot and my boss and friend." Merlyn noticed how Arthur eyes brightened at the mention of him being her friend, and she realized she had never said it out loud to anyone in Camelot before. Grinning impishly at his gleeful look, she focused her eyes now on the big man not far away from them. He didn't have his sword out anymore, but looked mildly suspicious still.

Gwaine noticed that too. "It's fine, Percival," he raised his voice a bit so the man heard him, "this is actually the girl I told you I've been looking for." Now the big man, Percival, had a delighted smile growing on his lips and Merlyn spun back to see Gwaine. He looked almost exactly like he had when they first met - still with the bushy beard and long, beautiful hair and wicked, roguish grin lighting up his face, wrinkling the corners of his deep brown eyes that were staring back at her with a soft, happy look. He did have a few scars on his face and he was tanner than before, but still the same Gwaine she remembered. It was funny how she felt so at ease and home with a man she had met once.

"Looking for me?" Gwaine nodded at her question and bent down to pick up his sword.

"Mm-m, for years now. It's not like I've been _stalking_ you or nothing like that, don't get me wrong, princess," he chuckled, "but I've been hoping to find you one day. And now I have, and I've _never_ been happier about chopping someone's head off." The good-natured comment made Merlyn snicker too - the death of her attacker was one of the only ones she was not sorry for.

"And still with the princess, huh?" Merlyn commented in a dry voice, prompting a bark of laugh from the rogue.

"Well, why change it when you still look like one?" That actually made her blush in a way that was so unlike her, and she had to turn away. That was a bad idea, because now Arthur saw it and he looked downright angry about Gwaine and her. She rolled her eyes at the man as he scowled at Gwaine and stomped to his horse to get some of their provisions. He went to set up a fire and skin the rabbits ready for to roast, so Merlyn invited Gwaine and Percival to join them. She heard some grumbling from the prince, but he did not outright deny their presence - if he had, Merlyn would have kicked him away rather than let Gwaine leave.

Once the rabbits were finally spinning over the fire - thanks to Percival -, Merlyn perched next to Gwaine on the other side of the fire than Arthur. She was very aware of the annoyed looks he was sending to their direction, but completely ignored them as she focused on the traveler next to her. "So, what have you been doing, other than tracking me down?" Asked the witch as she poked to fire with a long stick. "We didn't have any time to actually get to know each other back then, so I don't even know what you did then." Gwaine hummed amusedly at that, but nodded in agreement and took a swig of his flask.

"Well, mostly just travelling the land, trying to find a tavern worth of my coins," he mused with a mischievous grin, "but none have really impressed me just yet. But other than that, just trying to stay away from Caerleon and its army." Arthur's interest seemed to perk up when the army of Caerleon was mentioned.

"Are you on the run from them?" Arthur snapped, hand curling around the hilt of his blade. "We have a treaty with them, so no fugitives of Caer-"

Gwaine cut him off with a hooting laugh as he shook his head fast. "Oh, no, _no_. Well, not exactly," he managed to say between all the laughing. "They want me to join the knights there, to follow my father's footsteps. Not by force, no, but I don't really want to run in that lot, ya know?" Arthur's hand never relaxed even after Gwaine's words, but at least he did not look like he was about to run the man through.

"You're a _noble_?" Asked Merlyn now, surprised. On the outside, Gwaine looked like a normal drunken peasant out in the world just for the fun of it, but if what he was telling was the truth… "You can fight?" The second question make him grin smugly and nod, tapping a hand on his blade currently lying carelessly beside him on the ground.

"I sure do, princess," he hummed and wiggled his brows, but growing serious again as fast as the smile appeared, "how else do you think I was able to fight my way to that room to get you out?" Merlyn had only some vague memories of the hours after her attacker was killed, so she had to dig around in her head for a moment to remember anything, but now that she was really thinking about it, it made sense - after being held together by Gwaine, the man had escorted her out of the room. He had tried to shield her eyes from the sight by pressing her against his chest, but Merlyn had seen the bodies. All five of them, lying on the ground soaking in their own blood. They must have been there to keep watch until the man trying to violate her was done.

An awed hum escaped her mouth. "Wow, I didn't even remember that," she mused and turned to look at Gwaine again. "Care to prove it?" At first, Gwaine looked at Arthur but received a slow shake of head from the slightly grinning prince, so the rogue's head spun back to her. His eyes were filled with confusion and Merlyn gave him her own smug smirk before getting up. Arthur was already holding his sword up from the blade, so Merlyn only grabbed the hilt and continued walking to the side where the trees were not so close together.

"What's on your mind, princess?" Gwaine called after her, not moving from his spot yet. Percival too was watching her curiously with his eyebrows up. The big man was a very quiet person, just listening to the others intently but seemed to rarely pitch in. "Don't tell me you've been spendin' too much time with the prince here? Has he made you think yourself as a knight?" Merlyn noticed how Arthur was biting the inside of his cheek to either keep from saying anything or trying not to laugh at Gwaine's disbelief. The prince had a good idea how much Merlyn liked when people underestimated her, and it showed on her face - she narrowed her blazing eyes at Gwaine and gritted her teeth, silently motioning him to move to her already.

And he finally did. Gwaine swaggered closer ever so slowly with his eyes glinting with amusement the whole time as he watched Merlyn standing there with the blade loosely in her hand. She did not look like a warrior then because of her clothes - if she had her normal attire with the jacket and leather pants, Gwaine might have taken her a bit more seriously. But at least now she had the element of surprise on her side. The rogue swirled his sword idly around his hand, crooking a finger to her as a permission to start. But she did not attack, only tightened her hold on the hilt and began to move sideways around him. It was a good thing she knew how to feign ignorance of the finesse of sword fighting. Her opponent followed her movements for a good two minutes before he attacked from the side with a sloppy slash that she parried with ease, twisting her borrowed blade to try to sent it flying from his hand. Gwaine had not expected that, but didn't let go of it. The next few attacks were still easy, but he upped his game a bit to assess the extent of her skill. Little did he know, that Merlyn was doing the exact same thing. Every time he attacked, Merlyn blocked with ease but acted like it took a lot of effort.

After five minutes of Gwaine testing her - or more like her testing him -, he seemed to get a bit bored and started to fight with a bit more force and skill, so Merlyn had to dodge and move more now. She had a good idea that Gwaine still didn't believe her to be a skilled soldier, not even after the almost ten minutes of sparring. Their blades connected between their bodies, and Gwaine suddenly spun his sword, flicking it up so it flew off Merlyn's hand. He looked smug about it, but she only scoffed - Merlyn had practically invented that move. Before the blade ended up even close to Gwaine's hand,  Merlyn dropped her act - she jumped and smashed her boot to the man's stomach and sent him stumbling backwards. Arthur's blade was going down still, so Merlyn lunched to it, grabbed it in the air and rolled over her head and back, and got back up on her feet. Gwaine's eyebrows were almost up on his hair, when she finally started her own set of attacks. She forced Gwaine to back up while parrying and got him back against a tree. She swiped her blade seemingly sloppily at his head while pulling a dagger from her belt under the jacket - Gwaine dodged, swiped his own sword at her, but she was already spinning to the other side, ending up almost behind the tree. He was about to turn, but then he felt the dagger's tip gently against his throat from the other side of the thin tree, as the tip of Merlyn's borrowed blade was coming from the other side to touch his side. Grudgingly, he muttered 'I yield' and the blades went away.

"Believe me, every single knight in Camelot have learned not to underestimate her," she heard Arthur muse from the campsite as he was currently calmly getting the rabbits from the fire. Percival on the other hand had his mouth wide open and eyes bulging from his head as he stared at Merlyn. The blue eyes turned to look at her over the prince's shoulder as he grinned at the witch. "Hungry?" The nonchalant question made Merlyn snort loudly and nod. She clapped Gwaine on the shoulder as she walked past, leaving him stand there to gather his wits again. He was letting out unintelligent noises and moving his hands to make sense of life it seemed, trying very hard to form words.

Merlyn flopped to sit beside Percival, taking a plate of rabbit and some boiled vegetables from him and thanked with a smile. "So, Percival," she got the big man's attention right away, like he had been waiting for her to start speaking. "How did you run into that idiot over there?" She waived her fork at Gwaine, who was slowly coming back to his senses and moving towards the others. He had forgotten his sword by the tree, but seemed to have a lot of things on his mind.

"I met him in Mercia six months ago. Saved him from a brute who claimed he had cheated in a game of dice," he answered in a deep voice that reminded Merlyn a bit of Kilgharrah. "He's helping me find someone."

"Who?" She curiously inquired and took a bite of the pieces of meat stuck in her fork.

That's when Gwaine finally found his words, "a vicious bastard terrorizing villages left and right, just leaving bodies behind." That got Merlyn to almost choke in her food, and Arthur straighten in his place. He was not aware of Merlyn's hunt for Mordred few months ago, but had been receiving reports after that about more mangled bodies. Merlyn had not been able to leave the city again, and after seeing Mordred a while back in the forest beside the training grounds, the killings had stopped for a time.

The look on Percival's face was the epitome of sorrow, when he nodded at his companion's words. "My sister was a victim," he said in a shaking, frail voice that made Merlyn's heart clench painfully and her appetite disappear. Mordred might be idle right now, or at least not leaving any bodies to be found, but he was still Merlyn's responsibility in one way or the other. No more would she hear about him killing others, no more would she feign ignorance about it. She'd have to find him - fast.

 

***

 

Percival and Gwaine joined them when they left back to Camelot. While it was a bit odd to run into Gwaine after all this time, she was happy to see a familiar face from her past that was not trying to kill her. The vagabond-ish man was a sight to sore eyes and a welcoming presence to heal her broken soul, like a brother she had not seen for years. His constant, playful flirting and free spirited attitude was a nice change between all the seriousness of the royal court and most of the knights.

" _Soooo_ , Gwaine," she drawled her words a bit as she spurred her horse to ride next to him. Arthur riding a bit before them, but probably hearing every word she said. "What are you going to do now?" She watched as Gwaine frowned while taking another sip of his flask filled with sweet wine she too had tasted before mounting Saewig again.

"Not really sure," he finally shrugged and sent a look to Percival. He had been talking a bit more before they moved again, but now he seemed to be in a deep thought. "I did make a promise to the big guy there to help him, but I don't think we'll be any good alone."

She had to agree to that, "yeah, I don't think so either. We've been hunting that killer for a wh-" Merlyn was cut off when Gwaine laughed hard with disbelief at her words, and shook his head wildly.

" _We?_ I mean, sure you're skilled and all, but not even in Camelot could you be a knight!" Exclaimed Gwaine, looking between Merlyn and the prince's back. Arthur was not really participating in their conversation, but now he sent an amused look at the man and raised a challenging brow at him. "..right?" Merlyn was in the process of trying to keep her face straight, but apparently failed miserably because after one look Arthur gave her, the prince was snickering silently.

"She's no knight," the prince announced, but smiled anyway as he looked at Gwaine, "but she's my advisor and by the king's orders, training and defending the realm with the knights and me. So, a knight in all but name." A wink was sent to Merlyn before he turned around again, and that made her loose it - she doubled over her saddle, hooting with laughter and the look on Gwaine's face made it no better.

Gwaine was spluttering with his eyes wide again. "What?! _You_ are the lady-warrior every kingdom in the land is whispering about?!" After receiving a nod from the still chuckling girl, he went silent again with his mouth still open and after a moment emptied his flask with three, huge gulps. Gwaine seemed to be that kind of a man, who was never out of words but here he was, again speechless by her. Even Percival was now smiling, maybe slowly forgetting his worries for a moment.

Even Arthur found some sort of sick amusement from it, and his grin was almost cruel. "From the knights, I'm the only one who had managed to beat her," he announced gleefully, grin widening when Gwaine shot a nasty look at him, "and I doubt that will change anytime soon." Merlyn was really beginning to think that Arthur was somehow jealous or something about Gwaine's presence, as he would not stop spouting those things, sounding once again like the arrogant prince he had been. The attitude was not one of her favorites, and she showed it by glaring at the prince hard. He made eye contact with Merlyn but quickly looked forward again to avoid being seen blushing and probably biting his lip the way that sent Merlyn daydreaming once again.

The city of Camelot was showing when they reached the hill, Merlyn had traveled when she first came to the kingdom. Little did she know, that the life she would have there would be like this. She had friends, like Morgana, Leon and even Arthur who she had hated at first. Merlyn was a solid part of the knights now and they had finally stopped fawning over her like a pack of virgins she knew they were not. And she had found a missing relative, Gaius, who had shared a lot of stories about her mother every time she visited him. The warrior was planning to ask him about his father, as the old man had conveniently let him slip from his stories every time. He had taken a lot of interest in the necklace Merlyn had worn at the last banquet, but had not explained why. Fortunately, Merlyn was so stubborn that she would not let it go so easily.

Her musings were interrupted by Gwaine, who whistled low beside her and stared at the magnificent castle and the buildings surrounding it. "Well. That's somethin' then," he murmured, shaking his flask with a little pout on his face that made Merlyn snort again. He really was a wonder, Gwaine - even during the short few hours they've spent together, the man had made her laugh more times she probably had during her whole time in Camelot.

A hum of agreement came from Percival and Merlyn nodded too. "Yeah. I remember coming here the first day, and gawking at the sight like an idiot," she said smiling fondly at the memory, and looked at Gwaine. "Kind of like you right now." The comment made the rogue almost choke over air and Merlyn rode quickly away, laughing all the while. She caught up with Arthur, who had not stayed to look at the city with them. He had that thoughtful look on his face again, and not a pleased one.

"So, how exactly do you know him?" He asked the same second she appeared next to him, and made her startle in surprise. "You seem particularly close, even when you say you've only met once." The way Arthur spoke was making Merlyn smile - he sounded like a petulant little boy not getting what he wanted. While it was only her wishing for something impossible, he really did sound jealous. But it could not be, he was thinking of her like friend and that was that.

"He saved me," stated Merlyn simply with a shrug. But it was not nearly enough for the curious prince, and he made it clear with the dry look he gave her. The prince was lucky she had no huge problems with the memory anymore now that Gwaine was here. Sighing, she relented and slowly told the story; "I had just turned fifteen and I was spending time in a tavern with a friend. Lancelot, actually. He was passed out and snoring loudly at the table, so I went to find our friends to get him out, but… What you need to understand is that I was young, and not nearly as strong physically or mentally as I appear to be now." The prince nodded slowly to show her he understood, but was frowning in confusion. They were already near the gates, so Merlyn had to tell the story as quickly as she could.

"There was a group of men there too, and they had been eyeing us the whole night. I never thought anything of it, but when I got to the room I thought the others had went, it was empty. Then… then one of a men came in. He… he tried to-" her voice was shaking by now, and Arthur looked mildly horrified. Merlyn was not sure if it was because of the story or her sudden fragility. "H-he tried to take advantage of me. My clothes were already in shreds and he… But before he could do anything worse, Gwaine came in. He literally chopped the man's head off right there and then, and covered me up. Gwaine might not look like it, but he can be a gentleman, and he was then."

The way Arthur looked at Gwaine then, he looked surprised but also appreciative and also sort of awed. The rouge had heard her tell the story and he rode closer to Merlyn to place a hand on her shoulder for a moment, smiling gently. Merlyn smiled back, but turned back to look at Arthur. She knew what most men thought of women who no longer had their virtues, and even though Merlyn had not been violated then, it could change the way he looked at her. Like dirt, or something equally bad. But the look on his face was nothing like that, just understanding.

They entered the city then and were greeted by a sight of a busy market, filled with people waiving at them. Merlyn plastered a small smile on her face, but her mind was elsewhere. She had had no time to actually think about her and Arthur between the training and his moods because of his paperwork and then the unicorn. Everything had been just… strange for her. She still acted the same around everyone, but her mind was reeling over one thought - Arthur. Merlyn had no idea why the man was now suddenly occupying every minute of her thoughts and made it hard for her to concentrate about anything else. And then he goes and acts like that, understanding and kind and everything. It was annoying, really. She was trying very hard to keep herself from thinking of the sight of him standing in front of her in just his towel, and then almost kissing her at the feast. It did not mean that she had any real feelings for him. Arthur was like an annoying brother, or a friend more likely, and she wanted nothing more from him.

***

 

After handing their horses to the servants waiting on the courtyard and sending Gwaine and Percival to the tavern's direction, Merlyn followed Arthur to his chambers. He didn't even acknowledge her presence since he had grown used to it by now - she was always going where he was. It was a part of her job yes, but she liked to spend time with him now. The man was fun to hang around with, truly. 

A few quicker steps and Merlyn was now walking beside the prince, peering up at his face. His expression was so clearly forced to stay blank - she would know, she had lived like that for years. "Is everything alright?" Merlyn asked frowning at his weird behavior. The prince seemed to snap out of whatever thought he was having and plaster a quick smile on his face, saying that he was just fine if a little tired. She knew he was lying, but didn't want to start an argument now. 

"So," the warrior then started, a bit worried for his reaction. They walked through his chambers doors. "Would you strangle me if I suggested that Gwaine should try out for the knights?" The prince froze mid-step when the question was asked. Merlyn stood nervously by the archway leading to his bedchambers, wringing her hands together and biting her lower lip. It took a minute before the figure in front of her turned slowly, eyebrows up in his hairline.

"Gwaine? A knight?" His tone was void of any real emotion, but his eyes screamed disbelief and something that felt like anger. "I may not know him, but by the looks of it, he might enjoy the tavern better."

She harrumphed at his assumption and crossed her arms, "that might be, but what if he wanted to? He was good, you saw it! And he's a noble, you'd probably be able to find his seal somewhere in the library." Merlyn was now waiving her hands while she spoke, and that was already a clear sign that she really wanted this. There were not a lot of people she was close to, so one more would be perfect. And maybe the vagabond's presence as a worse yammerer and joker than Sir Nicholas would make things a bit more fun for all of them. And, even when Gwaine was a bit rough around the edges and seemed to have no care about anything, he was clearly loyal and genuinely a good man, so that could show that idiot Nicholas some example of how to behave. Hopefully. "And I owe him that…" she eventually sighed and let her shoulders slump. Arthur's face softened after that and, even when gritting his teeth a bit, he nodded to give her his approval. The smile on Merlyn's smile after that could outshine the sun as she squealed happily and, without thinking, lunged forward and hugged the prince tightly around his waist. Realizing her actions, she pulled away quickly before he could react in any way and mumbled some sort of an excuse and practically ran out of the chambers. She missed the bright smile on the man's face in her rush.

 

***

 

"Oh, hi there, miss Merlyn," she was greeted by the lovely bartender when Merlyn stepped to the tavern. It was early in the evening, so it was not crowded yet. "The usual?" He got a nod from the young woman and scurried off to the back to get her a tankard. The meanwhile, Merlyn scanned the people already enjoying themselves and quite quickly spotted Gwaine and Percival sitting at one of the tables. Gwaine looked like he had already drunk more than a few tankards of mead and Percival was just watching him flirting with one of the barmaids, May. She was a pretty one with her auburn hair and brown eyes, but Merlyn knew for a fact that she was one of those who just went around all the men who happened into the tavern.

After the full tankard was placed in her hand and the coins were in the bartenders own, Merlyn made her way to the men. She had changed in her armor-jacket and leather pants before, just in case she was needed to join the knights. Her hair was braided in two tight braids that were hanging along her back. Merlyn also now had her sword belt on, so there was no mistaking her for a simple lady of Camelot. "Why don't you go bother someone else, May?" The girl in question was now sitting on Gwaine's lap giggling, and spun her face to probably say something snarky back at her, but snapped her mouth shut when she saw who was speaking. "I'd love to have a night with my friends here without you, so you should hurry along," Merlyn added with a sweet smile and watched as May scrambled up and curtsying hurried back to the bar.

Gwaine was giving Merlyn a once-over, visibly admiring her attire and grinning in a pleased manner as he winked at her. "Jealous, eh?" He asked while he straightened in his seat. "You know you're the only one for me, princess." The warrior rolled her eyes and sat across the table from the men, taking a big gulp of her ale.

"Not a chance, Gwaine. You'd be lucky to only get one disease from her. I'm actually here for business," she announced and placed the tankard back down. "What would you two say about staying in Camelot?" The proposition startled the men and they shared a long look. While Gwaine was a noble and could be a knight, Percival had no such chance. But he could be a guard if he had the skills and will for that - it was not an easy or that enjoyable job to have, so she'd understand if the big man declined the offer.

"What do you mean?" Percival inquired and leaned against the table. Gwaine looked like he had sobered suddenly, or he had not actually been that drunk the first place.

A smile on her face, she shrugged a bit, "well, for you there could be a place among the guard of Camelot. It's a terrible job, but it gives a chance for a stable job and a permanent place to stay. And for you-" a finger pointed at Gwaine's face and made him go a bit cross-eyed, "-the prince had offered a chance to join the knights."

What surprised her, was the denying scoff coming from Gwaine. "Now why would I want that? To join some pretentious bunch of men, who are only noble by status, and not by actions?" He waived a dismissing hand at her and took another gulp of his drink. "You seem to like this prince of yours but that does not make him any better than any other royals out there."

"While you seem to be forgetting that I'm part of those _pretentious men-_ " Merlyn snapped sharply and scowled at the man, "-he really is a different man. Yes, he can be a prat if he wants to be, but he's actually a great man. And that is a big thing for me to say, so don't go running to him with it. He'll never let me forget it." Percival was snickering at her words behind his tankard, but said nothing about it.

"I too have to decline. Guarding is not something I want to do," the big man said and smiled apologetically but send a sharp look at his friend, "but you should do it. You have what it takes if you can keep off the ale during duty!" He clapped one of his massive hands against Gwaine's back and made him almost choke on the gulp of mead he was taking. "I actually met the blacksmith Tom just now and he mentioned that he needed some help, as his son has not yet came back, so I'll join him." Merlyn nodded approvingly, making a mental note to mention Gwen about it.

Still spluttering the drink after a few seconds, Gwaine grumbled with a finger pointing at Merlyn, "can you swear to me that he is not one of those stuck-up idiots who use the knights as a personal boost of confidence? 'Cause I am no ass-kisser, and will not be for anyone." Merlyn laughed at him and nodded earnestly. Oh, yes she could. Arthur was certainly not one of those princes. He did not take it too personally, if one of the knights bested him and if he could eventually man up and accept the fact that a girl was on his skill-level, he could do anything. If what Leon had said was true, Arthur had been that sort of a prince before she came along, but her presence had really changed the prince's view of the world.

"Yes, I can. He was terrible about me being as good as him, but eventually came around it. I even call him a friend these days, so if I can do it, I'm sure you can too," she assured Gwaine and after a moment of watching him with wide, pleading eyes, he grunted but gave his agreement. Merlyn whooped excitedly and raised her tankard for a toast, prompting a startled laugh from the men.

After the toast, Gwaine leaned against the table to speak in a low voice and to keep nosy bystanders from hearing him. "So, what's this business with you and the prince?" Merlyn stared at him blankly, not really following his words. Gwaine rolled his eyes, but continued, "he looked like he wanted to chop off my arms when I hugged you. Are you really telling me there's nothing going on?"

Vigorously shaking her head, she scoffed and let out a nervous laugh, "oh, no! No way, no. He's just probably acting like an overprotective moron like always, he still sometimes forgets what I can do. Did you know he had hurt himself, like, _three_ times during a fight because he has been worrying over me? There's _nothing_ between us, really." She noticed too late that she was rambling and that Gwaine was close to laugh at her about it, so she sighed and placed her elbows on the table next her tankard and hung her head against her palms. "I mean there's certainly some… _weird_ tension between us now," she moaned and let her forehead drop with a bang against the rough table.

A hand landed on the back of her head and stroked it comfortingly. "Shush, princess. I'm sure it'll work out… What happened then?" It was still so odd for Merlyn to talk so openly with Gwaine. There was a strange connection between them, even after only seeing each other now three times. The man had one of those personalities that made him easy to talk to, and it was not really that odd now that she thought about it better. The connection was like with a long-lost brother or a dear friend. Maybe getting saved by someone and then not finding them again made that happen.

"I walked in on him just wearing a towel and admitted that I enjoyed the view," she groaned against the wood and heard how Gwaine and Percival now both hooted with laughter. Patiently waiting for them to finish their glee-fest, she got back up and finished her drink with a few large gulps. "And we almost kissed during the king's birthday celebration while being mostly drunk with the wine and the exhilaration of dancing," she finished while wiping the corners of her mouth dry from the ale. She heard no laughter this time, and when she looked, there were only two pairs of wide eyes staring at her across the table.

" _Soo_ , what makes you think he does not think like that of you?" Gwaine asked, puzzled with her words. She too was baffled with his words, because they made no sense to her.

"So what if he does? I don't think like that of him, not really. Sure, I sometimes have thoughts of him in my bed doing nasty things to me-" Percival choked in his ale then and Gwaine let out a booming laugh, "-but that's it. He is so annoying, underestimating my skills, and just.. makes my life harder than it should be for reasons you really don't need to know." _Like me being the bloody secret magical protector of him._  Even when Arthur became king, she'd forever be the secret protector of the Once and Future King, and maybe one day recognized for her magic and deeds, but after that? Arthur did not even know her whole story, and when he would hear it… Merlyn preferred not to think about it too much. "Things are just a bit too weird now after the feast, and he's probably confused like me, or even more so. He might be entertaining the idea of us spending the night together or something." Her spirits had went down again from thinking of her so-called destiny and the part of Arthur in it.

Gwaine seemed to drop the topic there, but took her hand in both of his and squeezed it tight. It made her smile slightly, but she felt no better by the gesture. She was doomed to the same cycle of failure and unhappiness, death and destruction… if she was lucky, she'd get Arthur to the throne in one piece, but where would that leave her? Broken and beaten in the shadows, one foot in her grave if not completely there already. There were no illusions in her mind about her future - she was fated to die for the prince, to give her life for him and go down with lightning crackling around her hands and fire raining down from the skies, saving the kingdom she had learned to love despite the fact that every breath she took were illegal. Even if Arthur never found out about her magic, she'd never give up on him. And if he did and rejected her, she'd continue doing it from the sidelines, out of sight but always there. She was committed to that future, and dared not to hope for anything else.

_Merlyn._

The witch jolted in her seat, but it luckily went unnoticed by the two men as they were focused on something behind them. Merlyn shook her head a bit, and got up to go to the bar to hide her focus on the mind-speech.

_Kilgharrah?_

_Yes, young witch. I have news of the druid._

That made Merlyn pause for a second while she was in the process of handing the bartender the coins. After a confused look from the man, Merlyn gave a sheepish smile to him and placed the coins in his open palm, spinning then around to face the mostly still empty room. Her face was the epitome of murderous concentration when she focused on the connection with the dragon again, lifting the tankard on her lips again.

_Where is he?_

Gwaine and Percival turned back around to speak with Merlyn again when the loud clatter sounded from the bar, but they saw no sign of her anymore. The only sign of her exit was the tankard still rolling on the floor and the tavern door flinging shut after a flash of black leather clothing. "Nice to see you too," mused Gwaine with a bemused look at the door and shared a shrug with Percival.

  
  
***

 

Kilgharrah had said that Mordred was just outside of the city, only a few miles to the East and moving closer. Merlyn was going to reach him first, whatever it took - if she had to reveal her powers to the insane man, she would. It was lucky that she had realized to bring her weapons with her to the tavern to show Gwaine and Percival that the rumors of her job were really true and not just the tales of some drunken traveler, because she had not even bothered to get Saewig to move faster. The forest was already dark and the moonlight formed deep black shadows everywhere. With her dark clothing, she blended in them flawlessly and with the help of her magic, her footsteps were nowhere to be heard. If Mordred had no new tricks, she'd surprise him.

Running along under the shadows worked perfectly for her, as she soundlessly worked her way forward to the unnervingly familiar presence that was currently moving straight to her. Merlyn drew two daggers from her belt, one for each hand and she sped up, jumping over fallen logs and dodging under low hanging branches. The she saw him, sneaking through the woods with a dark green cloak over his frame and the hood pulled over his head. His direction was unmistakably Camelot - Merlyn was extremely lucky to have Kilgharrah there to warn her about these things.

When Merlyn was only about ten or fifteen feet away from Mordred, she slowed her speed and began to trail him, wait for him to end up in a place where the trees were growing closer together, to keep him close. Mordred had always been a very skilled fighter, but he had a few flaws - the biggest one being that he relied on his magic too much, and then he moved around a lot more than he should have. So, taking the fight in a place where there would be more trees both giving Merlyn some shelter just in case, and keeping Mordred from skipping around too much, was a good idea. Then, Mordred too slowed his pace, and Merlyn jumped at his back - the man only noticed her when he felt the blade plunge itself in his shoulder, prompting a startled shout from him as he shook her off and drew his sword.

The cold, emotionless grey eyes landed on her deep ones that were glowing in the moonlight, and widened for a second. "My little bunny," the druid purred and tilted his head while lowering the tip of his blade. The hood dropped off his head as he spoke, "a pleasant surprise, indeed." Even after hearing his voice in the memories o his victims and then later in the mind of the assassin, it still sent shivers along her spine and made the hairs on her body to stand up.

Clutching the daggers tightly, she scowled at him and just hoped she had the guts to make him explode right there and then. "You are not going anywhere near Camelot," snarled Merlyn and took a step closer, happily noticing how he leaned back a bit, "you have no reason to terrorize anyone. Those bodies you left, those so-called _gifts?_ You're sick, Mordred." Aforementioned druid was not one to ever smile, but now his lips curled in a cruel smirk.

"Oh, but I have the most important reason to do it," he hummed, "it made you come to me, to look for me. And my gifts, did you not like them?" Mordred feigned a mock-hurt, pressing a hand over his heart. "They were the declaration of my devotion. A sign that I would go to any lengths to make you hunt me down and then join me."

He had not even stopped talking when Merlyn began to shake her head. "Do you hear yourself?! You are not making any sense!" She almost shrieked and flung the other dagger at the man. It flew right past his cheek and planted itself against a tree trunk behind him. "I don't know what gave you the idea of me _wanting_ or _liking_ the fact that you torture those innocent souls, but-"

Suddenly Mordred was just a few inches from her, hand roughly cupping her cheek and pale eyes blazing fiercely. "But you _did,_ didn't you?" He whispered, thumb stroking her trembling lower lip. "You did enjoy it once, lil' bunny. You are like me." Merlyn was trying to move backwards to get away from him, but only ended up with her back against a tree and him hovering over her, body almost pressing against hers.

Merlyn eyes were stinging as she tried to shake her head, but she knew it was worthless - he was right. "But I.. I didn't do it like you," she choked on her words, trying to swallow the lump formed in her throat. "Never for fun, just.. the job. Never for pleasure, no."

Mordred's thumb was still gliding over her lip, his face now only an inch away. She felt his warm breath over her face as he spoke, "but you did like it. You hunted them for days after you got the job… they were terrified of you, the shadow always following them." A silent sniffle got out of her. "You tied them, left them to starve… gave them false hope and _loved_ the despair. Then you gutted them, _slowly, painfully,_ " Mordred was whispering like to a lover, lips softly touching her cheek and jaw line as he spoke, sending constant shivers over her body. She was not able to move, the memories were torturing her and sending the tears down her cheeks. Everything Mordred said was true, except that she had hated it. Eventually, at least. She had been a complete mess after escaping her kidnapper, who had wanted to make her into an emotionless puppet she could control. Merlyn was expected to kill without remorse, torture without blinking and destroy villages and kingdom's without a sound. The warrior girl Merlyn, with no emotions and no conscience.

"No," she finally gasped when Mordred's lips were trailing the vein in her neck. "I might have been that person, that merciless, brutal killer but I am that no more." Her hands got up to shove him away, and surprisingly he did not resist. But his eyes never wavered from her face, assessing her and clearly making some sort of plans for the future already.

The smirk came back then, and he sheathed his blade slowly. "Then we'll have to bring her back." Then, she was left all alone, gasping for air and dropping to her knees when a frustrated, heartbreaking scream left her lungs. Her magic was going haywire, pulsing from her form to the world around her - trees shook from the force and cracked loudly as they almost cut in half, grass turned black and animals were thrown away if they dared too close.

Mordred was right. She had been a monster then, ever since she had started her lessons with magic and later swords. There were no guarantees that she was not that person anymore, but she knew she would never do those terrible things anymore. She'd rather give her life than be such a brutal, heartless being. Merlyn was not really sure when she had changed, but she knew she had Lancelot, Gwaine and her own sense of the destiny waiting for her to thank for it. Lancelot had been her friend since she had been taken to Gregor and the only person who had know about her magic - with his help, she had little by little found herself. Then came Gwaine when she was in danger of completely losing herself, and showed that cruelty should not need to be the only thing you were. The last piece of the puzzle had been the dreams. When Merlyn had turned sixteen, she had dreamed of a beautiful city, where everyone who wanted to, could make a home. It was a city with a white castle on top of the hill. In the dream, she had heard a rumbling voice telling her _not to give up!_ and she had not. Now, she knew she had dreamed of Camelot and Kilgharrah back then, she had seen the future she could have if she did not let herself be sucked in the darkness she was already halfway in. So, she had chosen the way of the light, the way she knew was the real one. The way she could finally fulfill her destiny and be the person she heard every druid speak of, to be Emrys who was a figure of light, hope and a bright future. The dark part of her was caged somewhere deep in her soul, and was not getting out any time soon. One druid leader, Iseldir, had once called her 'the rightful savior' when she had traveled past their camp after her escape from Gregor. Maybe they were right - if she lost herself, there would be no Albion. Merlyn had a right to live, to serve and protect, and like _hell_ she'd give up because of some psychotic idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo... the old english translator is not working anymore. I'm currently using another site where I found the title for this story, so it's a lot slower to find translations that sound good.


	12. The oath and Excalibur

Only a few days after seeing Mordred, Merlyn noticed a change in the castle - it was almost brighter. And that was only because of her sudden realization that she would not have to stop living the fullest only because Mordred existed. The man had always been a thorn on her side, obsessing over everything she did and trying to make her stay like she had been. Most of the reason why he thought they were 'meant to be' or whatever nonsense he spouted then, was because at first she had been as bad as he was now, and Merlyn had unintentionally taught the man some bad things. The druid had been slowly escalating into the insane person he was now, but at least then he hadn't cut out his victims eyelids. But, then came Merlyn who had her own bad habits she didn't really want to even think about. Those were pushed in the deepest, darkest corner of her mind, to the place she kept carefully locked up so it would never be her life again. It was the part of her that was dark, evil, merciless like Mordred or actually a lot worse, the part that was not Emrys.

But the second reason life felt almost good, was Gwaine. He was like the spring sun peeking around the heavy white clouds, smile like the first warm rays the sun cast and his fun-loving spirit was just the thing everyone needed. Sir Nicholas had almost latched on the man's side and they were eerily similar - even though Gwaine was worse, at least he knew when to shut up, something Nicholas knew nothing about but would hopefully learn from the rogue. The only person who was not impressed about Gwaine and his personality, was Arthur. He glared at him every chance he got and when he thought Merlyn didn't see. At first, she served him some punches about it but eventually just let go, and let him be an idiot. He sure missed a lot, when he didn't join her and the knights in the tavern anymore. Leon explained that the prince was busy, but Merlyn knew the knight well enough to see he was keeping something from her, but also knew better than to press the matter. So, she just enjoyed her life for now, more because Gwaine was now joining the training to get ready for his test.

"Princess Merlyn," Gwaine purred when she walked to the training grounds for the first session with the would-be-knight with them. He only had his normal attire of a red linen shirt and brown trousers on, and of course his sword hanging on his hip, "it is a mighty pleasure to see you once more." Merlyn stifled a laugh when he grabbed her hand and placed a nasty, wet kiss on her knuckles.

"Ew, Gwaine," she gagged at the sight and feeling of a wet skin, wiping it on his shirt while he tried to skip away. "If you give kisses like that to the ladies, no wonder you're still single."

A smug smirk appeared on his lips as the man winked at her, "I'll show you what kind of kisses I give. Just say the word, princess." He got hit by her scabbard for that and ran away while laughing loudly. Merlyn noticed that some of the knights were staring at them with confused looks - Sirs Thomas and Charles were looking a bit jealous - but she gave them no attention, and just ran after the drunk yelling orders to get him ready for his tests. Arthur had given the job for her and had forbidden everyone else from interfering in it. She had been the one to suggest Gwaine joined them, so he wanted to punish her by letting her do all the work. But sure enough, she was an excellent teacher if she wanted to be - and had her ways to keep a man's attention on her. Arthur had been mocking her for a few days now about how she'd never succeed. 

 

***

 

Gwaine became Sir Gwaine of Camelot only two weeks later, and Merlyn was ecstatic - the horrified look on the prince's face had been the best part of it as he realized that letting Merlyn take over the training was the worst decision he could've made if he hadn't wanted Gwaine to succeed. While everyone seemed to only wait that he slipped and missed morning training or a patrol, he never did - that too was part of her influence as she had threatened to spread awful rumors about him to every woman in the kingdom. The man was always on time, he came to the grounds as the first one - right after Merlyn and Arthur - and never missed his patrols. And Merlyn couldn't have been more happy. Gwaine was slowly but steadily becoming like a big brother to her, even with all the obnoxious flirting and tales of his many ladies or bar fights. The two were always together if they were not on duty - either they trained together, had dinner in her chambers or just went for rides outside of the city. She enjoyed his company, as he was the most cheerful person she had ever laid eyes upon.

A snap next to her ear made Merlyn jump in her seat and fling her eyes at the prince, who was sitting on the other side of his desk looking through the reports in huge piles in front of him. Uther had been giving him a lot more paperwork to do now that his crowning to be the Crown Prince of Camelot was closer. "Late night at the tavern again?" The prat smirked at her and received a nasty look back that made his smile just widen. "I know you enjoy Gwaine's company, but if it's turning into a problem, I'll ban both of you from going there." 

"No, actually. I slept poorly," Merlyn grumbled back, flashes of her nightmares flying by her eyes. "The nightmares have been getting worse."

"Perhaps you should then reconsider the ale then," she heard Arthur mumble. Merlyn sent him a dry look that only made him snort a bit. It felt a bit bad that he was so rude and nonchalant about it, as at one point he had been talking about her screaming in the middle of the night quite sadly. Perhaps he just didn't care that much anymore. "I would rather only have one drunk in the knights."

" _Haha_ , sire, you're so funny," she murmured sarcastically with a shake of her head, propping her feet on the table and reclined against the backrest of her chair. "Why do you even care?"

"I don't, _Mer_ lyn," he retorted with an eye roll, looking back down to the reports. "Just want to make sure our lovely new knight does no ruin my advisor any further." Merlyn's jaw dropped at that, the suppressed anger she had felt for two weeks now flaring up suddenly and the girl sprung up from her seat. She had been listening to Arthur's remarks for weeks now, so her temper had been growing thin for a long while. Saying that she'd be ruined  _further_ was just the last drop she could take.

" _Excuse me?!_ " She screeched, outraged and made the prince jump on his seat. His wide eyes snapped to her face, that was turning slowly red from fury. "What is your bloody reason to act like this for the _third week in a row?!_ What the hell have I done now, huh? Was I lazy? An idiot? An oaf? _WHAT?!"_ Even though she was probably breaking the prince's ears by now, didn't even flinch. Just stared back, unreadable emotions in his blue eyes and lips pressed in a firm line. Merlyn was not sure anymore why she thought that she had been falling for him. It was some sort of a mental affliction surely, as the thought only lasted for few days. Then Arthur was back to acting like _this_  and it was _bye-bye_ feelings. She had no tolerance for asses, not anymore. Gwaine was one, but at least he was a funny, sweet ass.

As the prince was apparently not going to answer her, Merlyn groaned loud and as the mature woman she was, pushed the reports on his desk to the floor and stormed out of the room, a bit ashamed of her childish actions but maybe that would make the man think a bit. Merlyn already had enough to think about between Mordred and Gwaine - who had practically thrown a secret at her face like a dead fish. At least that was how it had felt at the time.

 

***

 

_"You need to tell the man about how you hurt because of his words and actions," Gwaine had stated as they walked around the city patrolling the battlements. "I mean, he's not the brightest star in the sky so he won't know if you won't say it straight."_

_"That's the idea," Merlyn scoffed and shoved the man on the shoulder, making him stumble to his right a little. "He's the prince, like I have said. Even if I wanted to, he'd have no reason to listen to my complaints. I just.. I thought we were friends, me and Arthur. But he's like the man I first met again." Gwaine made a agreeing sound as he whirled his sword idly around._

_"I told you, all the royals are the same," he pointed out with a raised eyebrow. Merlyn glared at the man, but could not disagree. Before Gwaine had joined them, he had actually been a sweet, fun man, not just a prince and a pompous man too full of his looks and status. But now he actually_ was _a pompous prince too full of his status, and maybe his looks too. From what Merlyn had heard, he had had at least one girl in his chambers. She had fallen asleep almost immediately after hearing the giggle, so had no idea it she had spent the night, or was there just for the prince to satisfy himself. Not that she cared anymore._

_"And it does not even matter," she continued, frowning a bit sadly now. "We could never be real friends, when he knows next to nothing about me. There are too many secrets, things even you cannot know. From the past and present."_

_"Like what, exactly?" He challenged and sheathed his blade. "That you're an excellent fighter? You're beautiful and disturbingly witty? Insolent and have no respect for his status? Or about your mysterious past, which by the way even I know nothing about."_

_The warrior smiled at his fond teasing and shook her head a bit. "Yes, he knows that, and yes, it is partly because of my past. But there's something even bigger than that, something even you would not understand," she sighed wrapping her arms around her, eyes roaming over the forest surrounding the city. There were no threats at the moment, even Mordred was gone. Merlyn suspected that his departing words meant he had an idea what to do, but Merlyn was not understanding it._

_"Like what then, princess?" The knight sighed, waving his arms around. "Your secret twin somewhere who's trying to kill the prince? A flying, fire-breathing pink cow that is your pet?" She was laughing now; Gwaine's suggestions were insane like always. But what she was not expecting, was the next one; "Or is this about your magic?"_

_Her body froze completely during a step and made him stumble away from the man, who was staring at her wide-eyed and gaping a bit. Merlyn knew her face was the epitome of horror, eyes wide and breathing heavily, hands trembling. Nononono…_

_"Merlyn! Princess, calm down before you even start!" Gwaine chuckled and took a step closer with his hands up. "I know, alright? I saw you then, after I got you out of the room. You had a nasty cut under your chin, and you healed it when you thought I was not looking. It's fine, I'm not telling anyone." She was still not moving, but at least the trembling of her limbs was fading. "Well, Percy knows," he suddenly admitted, rubbing his neck a bit embarrassed, stepping away just in case she exploded at him. She did, but in a way that he was not expecting._

_She laughed. Hard. So hard actually, that she lost the control of her legs and slumped on her knees to the ground. Tears were rolling from her eyes, both from the hilarity of the situation and fading horror, and maybe even from relief. It took her several minutes to stop, and when she looked up to Gwaine, she almost lost it again. He was more shocked now than when he saw her fight the day they found each other again._

_"You really need to work on your secret revealing, Gwaine," the warrior sniffed, wiping the tears from her face while still chuckling silently._

***

 

The memory snapped away when Merlyn crashed into a figure rounding the corner she too was going for. She had no chance to stop herself from falling, so she landed hard on her bottom, squealing like a little girl which was a bit embarrassing for her. " _Watch it_ , would you!" The girl snapped as she was scrambling up, glaring at the tall shape she ran into. 

Grey eyes turned to her as the man bent down to help her. "Sorry, Merlyn," Leon mumbled and pursed his lips. He looked close to laughing, but luckily he was good at controlling himself, especially around her. "Where were you going in such a rush?" Merlyn was pulled up with a lot more force than needed, so she bumped against the knight's chest and nearly fell again because of it. Fortunately he was not wearing any armor as he had some free time that evening, so Merlyn was saved from getting any bruises.

"I was trying to get outside, but it seems the world has other plans for me again," she sighed in response and ran her fingers through her already messy hair. Her mind in complete knots because of Arthur and his behavior. "You wouldn't mind joining me for a moment? I don't think there are any dummies left for me." Leon grinned and nodded, then followed her as she walked to her chambers. Thank goodness Margaret had such a good knowledge of Merlyn's moods lately, so she had replaced the water with wine. Merlyn walked straight to the jug and poured a goblet for them both as Leon closed the door. Well, he left it ajar like the gentleman he was, but it kept their conversation from going to the corridor.

He accepted the goblet and sat on one of the chairs around the dining table. "Care to tell me what's on your mind?" The man asked after taking a sip of the wine, eyes trained on Merlyn who was now standing before the window and gulping her wine quickly. "Not to intrude, but… I've noticed that things are a bit weird between you and the prince."

Merlyn sighed and turned her back to the window, leaning her back against the glass. "I don't know. He's been acting strange ever since Gwaine came here," her voice was laced with the hopelessness she was feeling. The situation with her and Arthur had been so good before the whole unicorn thing, and she could not help but think about it. Morgana had been hinting that it was because Arthur was jealous, but the warrior did not believe it for one bit. Why would he? Maybe at one point he had thought of something about her - at least around the time Uther's birthday had been - , but clearly not anymore. And she was not someone a man would like, or even less _love._ She was a terrible person with her too sharp mouth and insolence, she was not one of those pretty princess' and ladies of the court the prince saw almost daily. She had scars, was dirty all the time because of training and patrols, and was in constant danger of dying. Not to mention her secrets, but that was a fact already, no reason to think about it. "I mean, it's not like he's mean or does not want to be around me, but the way he's acting…"

"It resembles the man he was before," Leon finished her sentence. Merlyn nodded slowly, downing the wine and moved to fill the goblet again. "I figured. But you don't think it's because of Gwaine then?" Leon had always been very perceptive about things like strategies and training plans, but apparently he was like that when it came to people too.

He got a resigned shrug from Merlyn. "I don't think so. He might not like him that much, but why would he take it on me?" The look Leon gave her reminded Merlyn of Morgana, when the princess had been hinting about Arthur's supposed feelings. "Oh, _don't_ tell me you too think he has a thing for me?" She groaned and flopped on her bed, cursing when the wine spilled over her leggings. It seemed that Merlyn was the last one to find out about this.

"I don't think, I _know_ ," stated the knight and smiled at her gently. "I'm not saying he has romantic feelings, but maybe he just… worries? Like one would worry about a sister or a good friend."

"Well, Morgana had been hinting that they really _are_ romantic feelings, or at least that he had them at some point," Merlyn sighed and emptied the goblet again, now ignoring the stain the wine made to the brown fabric of her leggings'. Margaret would have a fit about it, but it would be fine. "It's just that.. well, he's the prince for one. And that means he's supposed to marry a woman who could be his queen. And then there's the extra problems regarding to me being a secretive idiot and not really thinking of him that way."

"Then why are you a secretive idiot as you put it?"

"Well _pray_ tell me, what would you do in my situation? If you knew there was a risk you could get banished or executed for your past, what would you do?" She snapped and threw the empty goblet on the table. It clattered around it for a moment before falling somewhere behind Leon on the floor. Leon frowned at her words and seemed to think about it for a moment. Merlyn just hoped his mind would not jump to magic right away. There were already too many people in the world that knew about her, the last thing she needed was for Leon to figure it out and run to the king with it.

"I think I'd take the risk." Merlyn groaned loudly and fell to lay on her bed with hands over her face. Of course he would say that, the man was honest to a fault and seemed not to have any secrets from anyone. Sure his secrets were probably not so bad, at least not compared to hers. What would the knight do if he knew she was a part of assassins once? Or had lived with a sorcerer to train to be a killer? Or about her _magic?_ "It seems that keeping the secrets is worse than actually telling them. I know you trust Arthur, so why don't you try and trust him with this?" He only earned a raised eyebrow for that as Merlyn was momentarily lost with words. He was right, the prince was someone she could trust, but... even he could not risk everything to keep a sorcerer and a former-assassin in the kingdom, even Merlyn knew that. It was clear that Arthur did everything that he could to make his father proud, so wouldn't that be something he'd do - arrest Merlyn and drag her to be executed himself? Sure enough, Merlyn would probably escape before the cell would even be locked, but still. It would make everything worse.

"I think I hate you a bit, Leon," Merlyn grumbled between her hands. "I don't like people who make me think." Leon snorted at her words, but said nothing more. He only emptied his goblet and patted her knee softly as he stood up, then leaving Merlyn to her own thoughts. Thoughts that were once more occupied with Mordred, of all things.

The druid had been quiet for weeks now, not leaving any bodies anymore but she still felt his presence somewhere outside of the city. He was not really doing anything but driving her crazy with his silence and constant presence. Of course he did not know she felt him, but it still did all that. Merlyn had been a bit paranoid since she had seen Mordred. Merlyn was still wracking her brains with the words _'then we'll have to bring her back'_. What did that mean? There were spells that could alter a person's mind and personality, but Mordred did not have nearly enough power for things like that. It would take at least one or two equally powerful magic-users or, well, Merlyn alone if she was fully rested. Then there was the Fomorroh, that the High Priests and Priestess' had used in the old days, but those were destroyed already, one thing Uther had done right during the Purge. What was left? Merlyn had been bothering Kilgharrah with all her questions about the threat, but the dragon had no answers she didn't know already. She had also sneaked a peek at Gaius' books, but those had only little information about magic and spells, mostly about monsters and herbs.

The warrior was not really interested in finding out Mordred's plan only when it was happening.

 

***

 

Like every other celebration in Camelot, the crowning of the Crown Prince was a disaster. At first it went well, Arthur said his oaths and the crown was placed on his head. Merlyn found herself clapping along with the others, some strange feeling of happiness growing in her chest as she realized that the man was now a step closer to being a king.  _The_ king. She felt proud, of Arthur for slowly, but steadily becoming the person she knew he was deep down, and of herself for managing to actually keep him alive. He looked almost beautiful in the soft glow of the sun with his red cape and shining armour, even when Merlyn saw the clear nervousness on his handsome face. His eyes locked with hers briefly, and for a moment she pushed her anger aside and gave the prince a blinding smile from the sidelines. He seemed to relax as the corners of his lips tugged up to anwer the smile - but then everything went to hell. A mysterious knight dressed in a black, worn armor crashed through the window riding a horse that looked more like a skeleton than an animal, throwing a gauntlet at the ground. The prince was kept from taking it, even when it was at his feet so Sir Owain took the challenge. Merlyn had been standing right behind him and was going for the gauntlet herself when she had felt the dark magic pour from the mystery knight. The challenge was met and said to happen the next day - a fight to the death.

After the black knight left the Great Hall, Merlyn stormed after Owain and could not care less about the protests Leon was shouting after her _. "You idiot!"_ She bellowed as she caught up with the young man, shoving him against the wall and effectively startling him from his thoughts. His eyes were wide, mouth opening and closing rapidly, but she gave him no chance to speak. "You are not experienced enough to go to a fight like this!"

"And you are?! I saw you trying to go to the gauntlet. You're younger than me, Merlyn!" Sir Owain shouted back, shrugging her hand away from his shoulder and taking a step away but Merlyn just pulled him back, smashing him back to the wall again. She was ominously looming over him, even when she was a bit shorter. Owain was trying to struggle against her hold, but Merlyn just slammed both her hands on his shoulders to keep him there. Faintly, she registered how Arthur and Leon jogged close to them but paid them no mind. 

"I'm younger, yes, but I'm your senior in _status_ ,  _experience_ and _skill!_  I don't want to ruin the glory of the battle from you, but.." she trailed off but was sure the man knew what she was saying. Owain slumped against the wall a bit as the realization of the situation dawned in him. "I'm sorry. I _know_ you are skilled, but.." Owain's eyes flicked to Arthur who was standing behind Merlyn and just in case, she lowered her voice to a whisper,"..the _thing_ flew through a window and was not even bleeding. I'm worried that this is a fight you won't have a chance to win." Merlyn saw the unshed tears in the usually brave man's eyes, and sighed in defeat. They both knew that he could not back down, not if he wanted to keep his reputation. Sir Owain really was skilled and had even impressed Merlyn a couple of times, but he had not been in a real battle yet, not even against the bandits. He still had so much potential, that would now be wasted because of pride.

"I'm sorry, Owain," she whispered and pulled the surprised man in a hug she never actually gave to anyone - a hug for a friend. The knights were all her friends now, and she would treat them like that when she knew they would not survive or back down. Owain, Pellinore and Leon were the only ones from the knights that were there before her, who Merlyn had really formed a small connection with. "You… you will be a hero. I will make sure of it. I promise."

Owain hugged her back after that, taking comfort of the usually aloof warrior and her promise.

 

***

 

"Gaius!" An exclamation was shouted even before Merlyn barged to in the physician's chambers. The old man did not even flinch as she stormed through the door, only glanced up and then focused back on his book. " _What_ was that thing?" The warrior demanded, visibly shaking after her talk with Owain. She knew something was not right, and also knew that she'd have to do something to stop the black knight. There was a faint memory of the specific magic she had felt from the thing, as if she'd felt it before somewhere but could not pinpoint it.

"Merlyn, your faith in my all-seeing knowledge is both touching and _wholly_ misplaced," Gaius sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose after placing his glasses on top of the book. "All I know is that I recognized the crest on the knight."

Merlyn moved to sit across the table, eyes quickly roaming over the book the physician had in front of him. It had some kind of a family tree in it, and the familiar crest painted in the middle. Deep blue lifted up to the man, expecting an explanation. "Tristan de Bois. The brother of the late Queen Ygraine. No other man carried the crest, not even their other brother, Agravaine. But the thing is," he explained, expression grim as it landed finally on Merlyn, "he _died_ just weeks after the queen did. He challenged Uther to a fight to death and lost."

The witch blanched, body freezing as she processed the information. A dead man was fighting against the knights? Who would do that? "So… it can't be him, right?" Asked Merlyn when she finally found her words again. "Or… _oh no._ " Her whole frame slumped as the memories flew back, as strong as if they happened just yesterday. She had been only ten or eleven, when her mentor had boasted that she and her sister had found a spell that could bring back the dead, to create an undead fighter to do their bidding. They had been planning for an army, but something had gone wrong with the spell then. Well, they only thought something had gone wrong - the truth was that Merlyn, even without the knowledge and only with her instinctual magic, had stopped the women from raising the dead. They had not tried again after the strange explosion, or even suspected that Merlyn was the reason it went south.

"A wraith." The recognition dawned on Gaius' rapidly paling face as his eyes lowered back to the book, straight to the name _Tristan de Bois_. He was a wraith, a dead soldier - there were no known spells or potions to kill it. But there was something… "A sword burnished by dragon's fire. That's the only way. But it had to be a blade that had never seen a battle, never tasted blood in any way or it won't work."

The physician looked back up, eyes skeptical and lips pressed in a firm line. "Where would you find such sword in Camelot? Not even Tom can make one in such a short notice," he warned her, but she was already smiling slightly as a plan formed in her mind.

"I have one," Merlyn announced as she jumped up and was already running out of the door when the physician pleaded her to be careful with giving the blade to anyone. But she had no plans to give it to someone else to use - she'd have to fight herself, before anyone else died. There was no change to save Owain anymore, but at least she could save the other's from walking straight to their deaths. Even though she was not particularly close with any other knights than Arthur, Leon and Gwaine, they had all become a sort of family to her. It was a different kind of family when compared to Gregor's group - there, she had only been thought as 'the girl who was brutal and skilled' by everyone but Lancelot and Mordred, but in Camelot, she was thought as 'the girl who is brutal and skilled and our little sister'. She was not about to lose that.

The witch ran the whole way to her chambers to retrieve the sword Sir Thomas had gifted her once - bless the man, finally something good came from his attempted courting - and then straight to the dragon's cave. Luckily, every single guard and knight in the castle was busy keeping an eye on the black knight, who was just standing in the arena, not moving anywhere. It was a bit eerie how the thing just stared straight ahead, not moving a muscle or having anything to eat or to drink. Of course, right now only Merlyn and Gaius knew he was not even alive, but to everyone else the sight was scary.

Merlyn skipped the stone stair down two at a time, when she already heard Kilgharrah's voice, "I believe I can be of assistance, young witch?" She skidded to a halt just in time before the end of the ledge, trying to catch her breath and clutching the sword tightly in her hand. It was wrapped in a cloth to make sure she would not accidentally cut her hand it in and ruin everything.

"Yes, Kilgharrah, you can," she breathed heavily, coughing frantically to make her words understandable. "I know you don't care about the knights, or the king, but I really need to stop this wraith. I need-"

"-me to burnish a sword for you," he finished the sentence, lips curling in something resembling a smile and revealing the sharp teeth in his maw. "A weapon forged with my assistance will have great power, you must know this. It must not be wielded by anyone other than you, or the young prince."

"I won't let that happen, Kilgharrah. You have my word," stated the witch, eyes glinting earnestly. She knew it was not a light request, as she knew what kind of power the blade would hold. It could kill just about anything - monsters, the undead, even High Priests and Priestess' or the Great Emrys. While Merlyn knew for a fact that she could die my a fatal blow from any weapon or a poison, the blade was the surest thing to kill even her. It was a powerful weapon, and only the worthy should hold it. Her magic was strong enough to heal her from practically anything, but one could not be too careful - usually at least, so Merlyn was not taking this lightly as she really didn't want to give anyone a weapon that could kill her more easily. Merlyn had taken a habit of wearing those vests just to be on the safe side of life. While she may live recklessly, she had no wish to die just yet.

But Kilgharrah shook his massive head at her words. "I need more than your words, Merlyn," he rumbled and lowered his head to her lever, eyes almost glowing in the dim light the torch gave. "I need you to promise to let me go at a time of my choosing." Now it was Merlyn's time to shake her head and sigh regretfully.

"I cannot do that, Kilgharrah," she mumbled, earning a powerful scoff from the creature. "I _am_ going to let you free eventually, you know this. I don't want to see you here anymore than you want to be here."

"Then why can you not promise me this?" He growled, baring his teeth at her and stretched his neck so his mouth was only a feet away from her. Merlyn didn't recoil though, only smiled sadly as she gazed the left eye of the dragon.

"I _will_ let you go, when I can make sure you won't destroy the kingdom, or seek retribution by killing innocent during your rampage. Every single magical creature on this land and beyond it wants vengeance on Uther, if anyone knows this it is me," the look on Kilgharrah's eye softened from angry to understanding as she spoke those words and placed a hand just between his nostrils, marveling how smooth and warm his scales really were. "I cannot see this kingdom destroyed, or the king killed. I want him gone as much as you do, but it would destroy Arthur, and the destiny you and I want to see would be further away. He is not ready to be king yet."

Kilgharrah's teeth were revealed again, but this time in a form of a smile. "So you believe him to be the right King now?" He chuckled, pressing his snout against Merlyn's palm a bit more firmly. She snorted back and shrugged a bit.

"You don't really give me any other choice here," she answered in a dry, but earnest voice. Her face sobered suddenly, eyes burning gold as the next words left her mouth; "I swear to you, the Great Dragon Kilgharrah, that I will free you when it is safe. That is the oath of Emrys, bound in my magic, _ic ġesweriġe on min foresweree, ic ġesweriġe_." The gold faded from her eyes the same time the dragon let out an amazed sound from his throat, pulling back from her touch.

"Then I will burnish this weapon for you, _Emrys,_ " he announced, an orange glow already forming in his chest under his scales, visible from the outside too. Merlyn smiled wide as she threw the covered blade in the air and caught it with her magic. The fabric slip off of it and fell somewhere in the darkness, but Merlyn's golden eyes were glued to the floating sword. She knew next to nothing about dragon magic, but something inside her responded to the feeling of power gathering around them - it was a warm sensation when Kilgharrah sucked in air, and suddenly let out a burst of fire. It didn't reach her though, but her magic responded to it anyway. A now visible golden tendril flowed from her towards the blade that was now burning white-hot in the flame coming from the beast, and connected with it. It was strange, and she had no control over it, but the satisfied look in Kilgharrah's eyes was enough to show her that it was more than fine.

 

***

 

Like she expected, the fight was not fair. It took place in the afternoon, so there were a lot of people watching, cheering and hoping for the knight of Camelot to win this mystery opponent. Owain showed the skills Merlyn knew he had, and even managed to get a hit at the opponent - a supposedly fatal one, but the black knight only kept going after a brief pause. There was a round of horrified gasps around the arena when the jagged blade of the thing pierced Sir Owain's stomach, making him fall on the sandy ground with a pained wail. The black knight did not even react to it, only turned back to the knights of Camelot and the royal box where Arthur and the king were sitting. Merlyn was standing next to the prince, curling her hands into fists so hard that she almost drew blood with her nails digging to her palms, eyes fixed on the unmoving body of the sweet Sir Owain. Behind her, Gwaine was cursing low and moving towards the arena's border, ready to take the challenge or throw his own gauntlet, but Merlyn stopped him with a hand on his chest and a firm look.

The blackened gauntlet was again thrown at the knights. Merlyn saw movement from her right as Pellinore stepped forward to take it, but she was faster - the warrior jabbed her elbow against the knight's gut prompting a startled groan form him and jumped over the barrier. The faintly heard shout from the prince was ignored as she walked forward with her face stoic and bent down to pick up the gauntlet. "I, the advisor of the prince, Merlyn of Camelot, accept your challenge." A curt nod came from the black knight as he announced that the duel would be held the next day at midday and turned to go stand to the same spot as before. Merlyn too only shot a glance to the crowd, briefly locking eyes with both the worried Gaius and furious Gwaine before she turned on her heels and walked off.

A enraged shout came from behind her as she was making her way to the castle to get some rest before the next day. She tried to ignore the voice as well as she could, but then two hands gripped her both elbows tightly, forcing her to follow their owners. Merlyn didn't even have to look up to know who were holding her and she was not resisting, not even when the other one's hold was tight enough to leave a mark. They led her to the familiar chambers of the prince, and the door was slammed close behind them. As she twirled around, she was very surprised to see the king before her with a grim expression on his face.

"Sire," she said and bowed slightly, eyes never leaving his green eyes. She heard how the prince paced behind her, and saw Sir Leon behind the king with his eyebrows in a deep frown. Both the knight and the king looked worried as well as deadly serious - it was a strange combination.

"You are no knight, Merlyn," he stated and made the girl let out a soft sigh. She knew this would happen, but also knew there was no rule that she could not accept the challenge. "But I know that the rule only applies to stating the challenge, not accepting it. You, however, have a chance to pull out without it affecting you position in the court, and-"

"My Lord," she bluntly interrupted the king, shaking her head slowly. "While pulling out would not hurt my position, it would destroy my reputation and the honor I hold myself. I may not be honor bound like a knight to keep my word, but me being who I am… I cannot do it. I need to fight, it is my duty. It is my wish, and I hope you and your son would accept that." Uther was not looking very pleased, but they both knew he could not deny her wish in any way if he wanted to be a good king. So, instead of arguing - because what good would that do? - he nodded tightly and left the room in a hurry. Merlyn had a good idea that he was going to see his daughter, to prevent her to do anything stupid the princess was undoubtedly going to do.

It was Sir Leon's reaction that surprised her, though; the man looked torn between following the king and staying here to shout at Merlyn, as the prince was probably going to do when they were alone at last. But he only stepped closer and bravely leaned forward to place a kiss on her forehead, mumbling how he would keep Gwaine away from her and how he hoped she would survive. She smiled at him and then watched as he left, closing to door behind him. They both knew that Gwaine would try and convince her to pull out, and when she would decline, he'd probably dose her with a sleeping potion or something equally stupid, and try to take her place like tomorrow.

"Merlyn."

The warrior closed her eyes for a moment and swallowed hard to keep the lump from forming in her throat before she slowly turned around to face the prince. Merlyn was expecting to see the blue eyes blazing in fury, and lips pressed in a firm, angry line, but was met with a prince who was standing much closer than she thought and eyes almost shining with sorrow and loss. "Sire," a whisper left her lips, eyes lowering to his chest because she could not look at his broken gaze much longer. The way he looked at her made her feel very uncomfortable, it was a look one would give to a dying family member or a lover. It did not fit to the way he had been treating her as of late, but it also made her feel a strange sense of affection towards the prince. He so rarely showed any emotions other that anger or boredom, so seeing him so sad about her predicament, was just another reason why she was going to do anything to stop the wraith from making its way through the knights to get to the prince and his father.

"Why would you do this?" He asked, voice breaking just like he'd be close to crying. "There are so many knights that would happily take your place, they would do it to protect the kingdom but also _you_!" His voice rose almost to a yell and made her recoil a bit. Merlyn took a hesitant step back so she could see the prince better. Now he looked almost angry as his hands were curled in tight fists and his whole frame was trembling. If she was a man, he'd probably hit her or something.

"Because I need to," snapped Merlyn, her own anger rising slowly. Her frustration of Arthur's worry every time she tried to do her job was beginning to get to her, it was like he didn't trust her to do everything she could and even succeed. "I have a duty, you idiot! _I know_ I can win this and _you_ know I'm skilled enough!"

"It's not a matter of skill!" Arthur bellowed back throwing his hands up in the air and turning away from her. "You did not see what I saw! The knight, he-"

"-he got hit," she interrupted him. Arthur spun back around, eyes wide and mouth still open from just speaking. "Yes, I saw it. And I also saw that he was not bleeding after going through that window, I saw that he was not eating, drinking or sleeping while staring at the castle. I saw all that, and I know he's no man. He cannot be killed with a mortal weapon."

"So you're going to your death, is that it?"

The witch scoffed hard and placed her hands on her hips, scowling at him. " _Wow_ , thanks for the support, Arthur. I didn't even think you cared." The prince flinched hard at her words, but just continued his pacing as Merlyn's eyes followed him intently. His shoulders were almost trebling under his dark grey tunic, hands running through his already unruly hair repeatedly. "You've been treating me like rubbish for three weeks, and now you suddenly care?"

Spinning around, Arthur glared at her while mumbling; "of course I care, _Mer_ lyn."

"Do you now, sire?" She yelled, spreading her arms and letting out a cruel laugh. " _Because it sure has not felt like it!"_

So quickly that Merlyn almost did not register the movement, Arthur was again close to her with his hands gripping her shoulders tight. "Why would you take on the challenge?!" He shouted. It hurt her ears and she was too close to hitting him herself. "How could you be so stupid, Merlyn?! You can't win this, not this time! I won't let you d-"

" _BECAUSE I HAVE A CHANCE, ARTHUR!_ " Merlyn finally screamed and pushed the man away from her so strongly that he almost fell on his bottom. "Because I have the sword that _can_ kill it!" Her scream made him stumble back towards his messy bed until the back of his knees hit it, eyebrows nearing his hairline and mouth hanging open again.

"…what?" Arthur almost choked. His knees buckled and he had to slump on his bed, unfocused eyes staring at her trembling with her own anger and fear. She knew she had made a mistake admitting it, but it was the only thing keeping the man from shouting at her anymore. But Merlyn was not sure how she could explain it to him - _oh yeah, Arthur, I'm a witch and I go talk to the dragon under the castle. He made the sword for me, his name is Kilgharrah, want to meet him?_ Yeah, that would be just great.

"I really need you to trust me with this," she pleaded as her feet took her to stand almost between Arthur knees, so close she could touch him. "I know you don't trust magic, I know you hate in and everything, but… I just can't watch anyone die anymore. Owain was too much already."

His eyes had not followed her, they just stared somewhere in the distance and she almost saw the thoughts going around in his head about magic, treason, betrayal and everything like that. Merlyn only had one chance to convince the man that it would not be so bad, that magic was the only option they had - so she knelt before the prince, hands laid on his hands resting over his thighs. She kept silent until he finally looked at her; he didn't look angry or betrayed, he looked almost hopeful, if a bit hesitant. "I promise you, Arthur, that I can do this. If I die in the process, then I die. But the thing will be stopped," she vowed sincerely, squeezing his hands tight to get a reaction from him. When she mentioned dying, his hands gripped hers like a lifeline while his eyes lowered to hers.

"You won't die," he growled fiercely and swallowed hard as his eyes flickered between her eyes and lips, like he was debating on something. Merlyn could not care less about it, she only sighed softly and let her head drop as her eyes closed again. There was no good way to try and plead him to trust magic for this one time. It was her first chance to show the prince that magic was not all bad, it was not just vengeful sorcerers and death, not just destruction. "Please, don't die."

The barely audible whisper made her look back up and jerk a bit back when she found Arthur's face closer than before. He was leaning forward, warm breath washing over her face and making her dizzy. It really was not a good time for her to be distracted of her nasty thoughts or any thoughts of the prince actually, not now. If she survived, then she'd revisit them. Merlyn gave the man a sad, small smile. "You cannot know that, Arthur. I cannot know that either," she mumbled and slowly got back up. He refused to let go of her hands and was clearly in the verge of saying something, but Merlyn managed to free herself from his hold. "If I survive, you owe me a drink." It got the prince smiling slightly and give her a small nod before she gently patted his cheek and walked out, expression changing from a soft smile to a focused scowl.

The whole night, she only rolled in her bed without being able to sleep almost at all. Margaret had been fretting over her fighting to the death that night, frantically cleaning her armor and weapons to get them in perfect shape for the next day. Merlyn had tried to reassure her that she'd be fine, but it was clear that neither of them really believed that. It was unsure, like every single fight was. She really could die, and what would happen after that? The next to challenge the black knight would undoubtedly be either Leon, Gwaine or Arthur, or just about any other knight who cared for her in some way. They had not taken it well when Sir Owain died, so Merlyn's possible death would only fuel that anger, then someone else would end up dead.

Merlyn scrambled out of her bed before first light to just stare out of the window at the sun that was just about to start showing. She would have to do everything she could to win, so no one else would have to die. Magic was out of the equation because the king would be there. If she survived solely because of her magic, she'd be burned instantly anyway. So her skills with the sword would have to do. It was Camelot's only chance, her and the dragon burnished blade.

 

***

 

The tournament arena was again full, but this time it was eerily silent. There were nobles, peasants and the royals in their box. It was a magnificent sight anyway, and her walking to the arena was a surprisingly regal sight too. She looked like a mighty warrior in her cleaned and mended armor-jacket, the golden Pendragon sigil shining faintly in the sunlight. Her hair was pulled in a tight braid that was twisted against her skull to keep it distracting her during the fight. Inside, she was a mix of a fearful little girl just begging to be saved and wanting to run away, and the darkness if her raging against the barriers set in her mind, bellowing to be let out and handle everything, but on the outside she was a stoic fighter with her new blade gleaming in the sun, eyes sharp and trained to the wraith waiting at the center of the ring. Merlyn stopped only to turn to the royal box to bow low to the monarchs, who answered with tilted heads. Morgana had tears already rolling on her cheeks, Uther tried to look emotionless but his eyes shone with worry, and Arthur was biting his teeth together so hard it showed to even where Merlyn was standing. The warrior offered the prince a slight, reassuring smile before turning to her opponent.

A jagged, blackened blade hung loosely in the black knight's hand and Merlyn pulled her new blade from its sheath, twirling it in her hand for the first time since it was burnished. The balance was something she had never experienced before, and it was to most beautiful weapon she had ever laid her eyes on - the blade was smooth and shiny, with a gold center coming from the hilt. It had writing on it, _'take me up'_ and _cast me away'._ Kilgharrah had said that it meant she'd have to hide the blade until Arthur was crowned king and then give it to him - it was first and foremost his sword, but Merlyn could wield it if necessary as her powers were now embedded in it too. It recognized her, the power ran through it to her fingertips and all over her body, relaxing her and giving her more confidence. It didn't take away the thought of her possible death, but at least it pushed it somewhere in the back of her mind.

Her feet moved her almost automatically to the left, as the black knight started to circle her. Even when Merlyn could not see its face, she knew the hollowed eyes of the wraith were glued on her. The feeling it gave her was something terrible, like bugs crawling all over her skin and making her feel more anxious. Merlyn had so much to live for now - if this fight had happened six months ago, it would have been a totally different thing. Then, she was alone with no friends and no reason to live anymore, no destiny and just nothing so she might have ran head first without even thinking of a special sword. Now she had friends, a clear destination and purpose for her powers, and even someone she really cared for and wanted to protect. Even after treating her like crap for weeks, Arthur was the closest person she had in the kingdom, even closer than Gwaine. It probably had something to do with the destiny they shared - being around the man made her feel complete, happy and like she had finally found a home.

The black knight had no face, so she could not see if he underestimated her as a woman. That would have been a favorable situation, giving her the element of surprise. But it still viciously attacked her, not really holding anything back. Their blades clashed for the first time, and Merlyn almost yelled when she felt the force of its attack - she felt it in her bones and back, her knees buckled under it and she almost fell down from just that. But fortunately she was still faster than the thing, so she was able to roll under its arm and kick the heel of her boot against its back. The wraith stumbled forward, but recovered fairly quickly and turned to slash at her again. It forced Merlyn to mostly defend herself, and did not leave any opening for her to jab at it.

When it forced her back against the barrier, Merlyn almost growled as she had to parry his attack with the other hand on the hilt of her weapon, and the other on the flat of the blade. Merlyn could smell the rot coming from the wraith, as it loomed dangerously over her and breathed on her face. It made her gag, but she still somehow managed to push it away from her and gave her a chance to finally go for the offensive. The warrior was a blur of attacks and kick, even rolling on the ground once in a while when the thing tried to slash against her stomach or chest. She did get a few cuts here and there, but luckily nothing serious just yet. But she never landed a hit, and it was frustrating her immensely. She did, however, manage to knock off his helmet - and immediately wished she hadn't. It was a gruesome sight with the rotting flesh over the things skull, black holes where its eyes should have been and mouth only filled with rotting, black teeth and no lips.

Then the wraith started attacking again, landing a hit on her face with the hilt of its blade and made her fall on her back. She only barely managed to roll away when the wraith's blade jabbed the ground where her chest had been. Merlyn got up to her wobbly legs and spat out blood that was pouring in her mouth from where she had bit her tongue. It made no difference, the thing just moved closer again, now standing between her and the royal box. While she's still focused on the wraith, she still saw what was happening - Morgana had her face buried against Gwen's neck, Uther and Leon were trying to restrain Arthur who was halfway over the barrier, trying to get to her and Gwaine was being held by four knights. 

Then a miracle happened - Merlyn regretted not bringing a shield, something that never happened. The wraith suddenly jumped forward with speed he should not have, and shoved its blade at her stomach. She jolted to the side, but it still stabbed her badly on her right side, making her gasp as she retreated again. Her blade dropped from hand as she tried to press her sword-hand against the wound and stem the blood flowing merrily from the deep wound. Her vision went blurry the same time her back hit the barrier, and she only saw the faint shapes of the wraith slowly closing in and the red of the knights on the other side. The voices around her melted together and none of them made any sense to her as she just tried not to pass out and die because of a stupid little wound.

But then, her eyes focused again. First on Gwaine, who was almost crying like she'd already died, and trashing in the hold of his fellow knights, screaming at her to snap out of it and _fight damn it!_  Then suddenly there was Morgana, emerald eyes shining with tears and screaming too but to Arthur to save Merlyn. The last one she saw, was the prince himself. He was pinned against his throne, eyes red-rimmed and cheeks glistening with tears that were still freely flowing, with his father's arm around his shoulder for comfort and resistant.

Her vision cleared in a blink of an eye - _she had a destiny to fulfill._ The voices became sharp again, and the pain on her side turned to a dull ache as her face formed to a angry snarl. Faintly, she registered how Arthur rose from his throne at the same time Morgana did too, and even the king turned to the arena again, as Merlyn let out a furious battle cry and charged forward to meet the knight who was still only moving closer. It was some sort of a sick game for it, or for the sorcerer who had raised it from the grave - but it mattered not to the now very angry Merlyn. The black knight raised its sword to perform the kill shot, but Merlyn lunged to the ground to grab her sword again, rolling on it past the wraith and ending up almost behind it. The flash of steel missed her just barely and she rose to her left knee, slashing backwards at the back of its knees. While a normal blade would not have done anything to it, the sword burnished in dragon's fire made it let out a high-pitched scream and fall on its knees, back to her. Not wanting to waste any time, Merlyn got up and kicked it down on it face and raised the sword up with both her hands, the tip pointing down and without hesitation, she brought it down to pierce its skull. The blade cut through like a knife cut warm butter - but there was just one fact Merlyn had not known - the bloody thing _exploded_.

The wraith started to glow when Merlyn let go of the hilt and took a step back. Eyes widening, she just managed to roar _'GET THE  AWAY!_ ' to the knights and bystanders closest to her, before the glowing became stronger - and a second later a massive explosion happened. The force of it threw the already running Merlyn in the air, her magic reacted to it and protected her from the shards of armor flying around but she still went flying. Luckily, she lost consciousness in the air and did not feel how her head smashed against the barrier she had been running towards.

 

**A**

 

It had been difficult to explain to his father how Merlyn had killed the wraith. Arthur noticed how Gaius spouted some nonsense of how a good hit in the head of a wraith was proven to be fatal too, because it had the soul of the thing or something equally weird - but surprisingly the king had believed it and waived them off. It had been three days since the battle ended and Merlyn was injured, and she had only woken up long enough to drink some medicine Gaius had provided. Arthur had not joined the knights as they had carried her to Gaius, not being able to see Merlyn so broken and bloodied once again. The girl really had a wish to die, or why else would she live so recklessly? The prince was so close to firing her just to keep her safe, but knew that she would not let him do it. If he'd manage to convince his father to let her go, Merlyn would find some way to keep doing what she did. It just was her personality to be like that; loyal to a fault, stubborn to the point his head was about to explode from worry and just… reckless.

Those were one of the reasons he had tried to keep his distance and act like an ass once more. Gwaine had berated him about it - he was even more insolent than Merlyn - but he had made up his mind. The knight had been a bit reluctant to tell Arthur about Merlyn's thoughts, but eventually let the prince know that Merlyn was actually hurt by his behavior - which in itself was strange enough, but Arthur just had to get rid of the still growing feelings he had for her. The best option he had seen was to make her hate him, and try to do the same. But it was harder than it seemed, because Merlyn really was _stubborn._  Arthur had even tried to sleep with other girls again, but that idea had ended after just one try - the poor servant had been ecstatic about him taking her to his chambers, but nothing had happened. Well, nothing else than just some drunken kissing and groping from him, before he had ordered the maid to leave. The worst part of his attempt to push Merlyn away, was that she had done the same thing the prince had before - latched on his side and tired to open him up. His resolve was weaker than her's had been, and it showed now as he made his way to the girl's chambers for the first time after the black knight had died.

Speaking of, he still had no idea where Merlyn got that blade, or if it was just a lucky thing she managed to kill it with a normal one. It was very likely that she had lied about having a immortal blade - but then again, even she was not so good at lying. Merlyn had tried to talk to him on the behalf of magic, or so it had felt but he did not want to think about the subject too much - it was treasonous enough that he had suspicions of her turning to the evil art to kill the wraith. Yes, Arthur too had been helped by the dark arts when he had been looking for the Mortaeus flower when Merlyn had been poisoned, but that was different… right? No, no it wasn't, it really was not. He too had trusted magic, like Merlyn had and both times it had helped. But what did that mean? It was not possible that his father was wrong or lying about magic being completely evil, because that would mean… no. It was not possible.

Shaking his head to get rid of the illegal thoughts swarming in his mind, Arthur knocked on the closed door lightly. It was opened by Merlyn's maid, who stared at him with wide, surprised green eyes but snapped out of it soon enough to curtsy to her monarch. "May I come in?" The maid looked over her shoulder quickly before opening the door for Arthur after hearing a permission coming from inside. The first thing he saw as he entered, was Gaius standing in front of a figure laying under the light covers on the bed. He did not see Merlyn's face, but heard her raspy voice as she spoke to the physician quietly. The old man nodded to something she said before turning around to the prince, face serious as he walked to the younger man.

"Merlyn is very weak, sire," he warned quietly as he hung his medicine bag on his shoulder, "I would advice not to keep her awake for too long. The head injury is still bothering her. There is a vial of pain medicine on her night table, so if it looks that the pain is becoming too much for her, please give it to her. It will help her sleep." Arthur nodded to the instructions and waited for both the physician and maid to disappear to the corridor before gingerly turning to the bed again. His heart plummeted to his feet at the sight of the once again black and blue Merlyn.

It was not as bad as it had been after Sophia and Aulfric, but it was still awful to see. Her lip was split and the huge bruise had formed over half of her mouth and most of her left cheek. She also had a dark purple mark on her forehead, part of it disappearing under her hair that was open and messily spread over her pillows. Arthur could not see her body, but was sure that too was mostly covered in bruises and cuts, if only from the explosion and the stabbing. It had been a horrifying sight when the thing had exploded - some of the bystanders had been injured, but luckily no deaths had happened, but when Merlyn had flown through the air like a discarded ragdoll, her whole body slack and then hitting head first against the wooden barrier…

He moved slowly to sit on the stool that was pulled next to the bed, closer to her head. "This is becoming a habit, Merlyn," Arthur joked, but found no will to try and sound humorous. "I wonder when the roles are reversed finally and you'll visit be on my sickbed." He only got a cold stare back, and remembered that their interactions had not been the nicest ones as of late. It made him feel a deep, gut-wrenching shame - Merlyn could have died, and he had been pushing her away even when the only thing he wanted to do was crawl next to her and kiss her senseless, to comfort her when she was this broken and just be there with her. It was painful to once again remember his father's words not even a month ago; _you cannot get involved with the girl._ Arthur had tried to ask why it was so important that his wife was born noble, tried to reason but his father only spouted the same nonsense about heirs and keeping the royal line pure. He cared not about a strong queen, not about his son's happiness, nothing. Only the kingdom. And the king wanted to keep his best fighter on the field, not in the castle away from fighting. That was probably the biggest reason he had.

"Since when have you cared again, sire?" He heard Merlyn's dry voice after a moment of silence. Even when the words were laced with a thick layer of anger and sadness, there was a hint of hope that was also flaring in the prince's chest.

Arthur sighed and hid his face in his palms, eyes firmly closed. He had been openly crying when it had looked like Merlyn was about to die fighting the creature and had not even cared then. But maybe she hadn't seen? "I already told you, that I care," he muttered a response, risking a peek at her. She had her eyes focused on him, a familiar calculating look in them. It was these moments that he really saw the intelligent warrior she was, even when it was not a battle but just her trying to figure him out. "It… it has just been a bit weird, that's all. I did not mean to be like an ass again." The uninjured corner of Merlyn's mouth twitched slightly.

"That's kind of thick coming from you," she rasped, "you're _always_ an ass."

Arthur chuckled and finally lifted his head back up again. "I mean it. My father… he messed up my mind, talking about marriages and heirs, and practically ordered me to keep away from _you_ particularly," he explained. The prince noticed the confused look she gave him. "He saw us. At his birthday celebration, and he was not very pleased."

"Ah, I figured as much," Merlyn snorted, shifting on her bed carefully. "I'm just glad nothing really happened. It's not like we even could be anything, even if either one of us wanted it." His heart dropped again and his whole body felt like it was burning because of her words. Of course he had known that Merlyn had no feelings for him, but hearing it so directly from her was completely different.

"Y-yeah," he managed to choke out, coughing quietly to cover up the shaking in his voice. "You're right, of course."

Merlyn looked at him funny then, with her eyebrows burrowed and eyes questioning. He tried to keep his face calm, but knew she was able to read him better than that. A small smile appeared on her lips, "while I know we have joked about seeing each other naked and everything, it's not a wise thing to do. _Not_ _even_ if both of us wanted it." A blush crept in his cheeks after her words, and prompted a shaky laugh from the girl that seemed to bring her some more pain. "Ow. But I mean it, Arthur. I know I don't want anything like that with you, and I'm positive you don't either, so… let's just drop it. OK?"

After a small hesitant pause that made Merlyn frown again, Arthur nodded tightly. His mind was once again screaming at him that he should just tell the truth, just to get it out there and be truthful. But then again, Merlyn was still keeping things from him so why should he be honest? And she was actually completely wrong about his thoughts - he did not want only to bed her, he wanted _her._ Merlyn was strangely oblivious when it came to love and things like that, because Arthur was not the most secretive person when it came to strong feelings like these, but the warrior had no idea. It was just one of those signs that said she had no experience in real feelings and relationships. The small, petulant child in him wanted him to be a stubborn bastard once more - and this time he readily listened to it. The feelings would go away eventually, he was sure of it. Unless Merlyn suddenly changed her mind, or did something that made him fall for her completely, he was safe.

"Are you going to tell me your whole story ever?" He repeated his words from the feast and saw the small glint of recognition in her beautiful deep eyes as she smiled softly.

"Soon. I promise." And he swore he'd remember it again. It was getting very hard to understand Merlyn, when he knew literally nothing but her being kidnapped once. The warrior was an interesting character to say the least, so it would be a shame for the mystery of her going away one day, but maybe then they'll get closer than now?

"You should sleep now," Arthur smiled down at her and reached for the vial next to the bed that Gaius had said contained pain medicine that would also help the wounded girl to sleep. He heard no protests from her, so he once again cupped the back of her head and helped her to drink the last drops of the greenish liquid. It took no time for her eyelids to start drooping and soon the room was filled with her heavy, a bit raspy breathing. Arthur stayed to sit there for a while, just really taking in the bruises and dried blood of her face. He did not understand why Merlyn had such a strong sense of duty when she didn't even seem to trust any of them properly. What had they done to earn such loyalty? Personally, Arthur knew he treated the girl poorly for most of the time, because it was a lot easier to take out his frustration on her than try to deal with his feelings in other ways. Being angry and annoying took a lot less effort from him - he had done it for years before the girl came along. Dealing with his feelings, now _that_ was difficult.

The prince reached out to brush a strand of hair away from the warrior's face. Her eyes twitched when he touched her skin, and he swore he heard his own name being murmured but could not be completely sure. He did not stay there though, the stabbing pain of her words still fresh in his gut, so he got up from the chair to leave the room. But when he got to the door, his eyes landed on a familiar necklace hanging on a hook in the ajar wardrobe. Where had he seen that before? Wanting some kind of closure for the nagging feeling of knowing something but not remembering, he made his way to the library after snatching the necklace with him. Geoffrey was stunned speechless when Arthur described the necklace, but still pointed him to the right direction. The shelves contained the book where all the living and lead noble lineages were cataloged, but the book the librarian had mentioned, was pushed behind the others.

It took him a good ten minutes to find the right page, and there it was. A black crest with a silver dragon in the middle of it, hanging over a long list of names but only a short description of their family - no last name, no land, nothing about anything that usually came with being a noble. But the rest of what he read made his heart clench painfully. 

_The lineage stretched for hundreds, maybe even a thousand years back, being one of the most powerful and ancient of Camelot's families. They were close to the throne and even at one point married to it, but an early death because of a difficult illness broke the chain of them having a child with a right to the throne. The last known member of the family was Balinor, who was a member of the council and a close friend of the king, Uther Pendragon, but was later banished and killed for treason and meddling with the dark arts of magic. He was hunted to the forest of Ascetir, where his body was found, an arrow in his chest. He was burned at the sight and never honored for his family's long service. No other members of the family survived, and no land was left to be divided, as they resided in the castle._

Arthur wanted to believe that the man, Balinor, was not Merlyn's father, because there was a mention of him being found dead. But how else would the warrior have the necklace? It was just too big of a coincidence of some friend of him fathering a child and giving it to the girl, then her telling how her father was a fugitive from Camelot. And they both meddled with magic? While Arthur was no hypocrite - he too had been in some way consorting with a sorcerer - it was a bad sign. He was happy that Merlyn had survived, of course he was, but… should he do something? Magic was evil, he knew that. It might not be at first, maybe Merlyn was just too naïve to see it, but it would suck even the strong warrior in its vortex of darkness sooner rather than later.

He never took the necklace back, just in case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, a rubbish spell / oath, but it is an important one regarding the plot!
> 
> ic ġesweriġe on min foresweree, ic ġesweriġe = I swear on my powers, I swear  
> (has to be said after the actual oath, like Merlyn does in the chapter)


	13. The bite and the blue eyes

It was the second week of Merlyn's recovery, when Arthur visited her for the fifth time after the fight. Gaius had said that she'd be out of recovery soon, so she was in a better mood this time. He always apologized like a bumbling buffoon about not coming earlier, and Merlyn always asked if it was because of his duties. When he would gingerly say yes, she'd tell him to bugger off from her room and finish them - because he never did before he came by. He also never left after that, but it was a routine of a kind.

"What's new outside the castle?" She asked after the prince flopped down on the chair that had been left beside the bed. Merlyn had gotten a permission from Gaius to move around in her room and visit Morgana once a day, but she had heard very little news about the knights or new threats outside the city. There had been only two times she had defied the physician's orders - first, to take the immortal sword to the lake Avalon and then just two days ago to visit an assassin locked in the dungeons after trying to kill the prince in his sleep. He had not been a part of Mordred's group, so she had done nothing to him. "I've been dying from boredom ever since the little accident."

Arthur glared at her the way he always did when she belittled the incident, "little accident? You got _stabbed_ and it almost pierced you _lung_ , you were right next to the thing when it _exploded_ , then because of it you flew from one side of the arena to the other while _unconscious_ and _hit your head_ to a wooden barrier." It was the same rant every time Merlyn complained even slightly about being mostly bedridden.

"Yes, _and_?" The smile on her face was all-too innocent, and it made the glare even more heated. "I've had worse so yes, a little accident."

" _Worse?!_ What the hell is worse than that?" The prince almost shouted, frame rigid and tightly curled fists trembling. _Oh, right. He has no idea,_ Merlyn thought with a slight grimace as she shifted uncomfortably on the bed. But Arthur was not letting go, at least what Merlyn could deduce from his expectant scowl.

They stared at each other's eyes for a long, tense moment, before the bedridden warrior sighed heavily. "It's nothing, really. I, uh… well, was running from my life when this weird monster was chasing me, tripped on a root that was _inconveniently_ sticking up from the ground and I fell… from a hundred feet long drop to a rocky ground on my back. I laid there for hours bleeding before anyone found me, and… they thought I'd never walk again," the whole story was told in a awkward mumble while Merlyn's eyes darted everywhere but the prince. "So yeah, I've been through worse." The silence between them was very awkward, and Merlyn was not about the be the one filling it. It was good for the prince to understand that she really was not a fragile lady like seemingly every other woman in the kingdom was.

"It's good that you pulled through, though," she eventually heard Arthur state, relief practically oozing from him. The young woman turned to look at him with a impish smile on her face.

"Yeah, you'd be in an early grave without me," mused Merlyn and managed to make the man laugh. It was a skill she had noticed only she had, to make him laugh so freely that is. Mostly his reactions to jokes were more controlled, or barely even there, but her sarcastic remarks and insults were the ones that made him actually hold back a laugh or laugh so hard that he threw his head back, eyes glinting with mirth. She didn't mind that at all really. "So, care to tell me what's been going on with you lately? Morgana tells me that you've been all moody and brooding around the castle for over a week now."

No answers came from the now sad looking prince sitting next to her bed. Merlyn took the time to observe him better, and was slightly surprised to notice the bags and purple circles under his eyes from countless of sleepless nights, the worry-lines almost permanently etched on his forehead and corners of his eyes. Even his clothes looked wrinkled, like he had been wearing them day and night for days now. It was not a good look for a prince. "Having girl trouble?" She tried to joke, but the question seemed to snap Arthur out of whatever thought he was having, and look at her almost scared. It made Merlyn startle too - she had not thought she had been right on the first try.

After again staring at each other - Merlyn waiting and Arthur fearful - the man slumped against the backrest of the chair and sighed so heavy that Merlyn felt it on her face. "What makes you think that?"

" _Just_ answer the question, idiot," the witch groaned and shifted on the bed so that she could lean her back against the headboard. "A man who has everything going well in his life does not look like he hasn't slept for a month." The prince looked mildly uncomfortable with the topic, but Merlyn was not about to back down. The man himself had been pestering her with nasty, detailed questions that most of the time brought back too painful memories but she tried to answer them anyway, just keeping too much information out.

"There's… a girl. Ah, a _woman_ I guess actually," started Arthur with a shaky, unsure voice, staring at his hands that were resting on his lap fiddling with the hem of his light blue tunic. "Things have not gone so well with her. S-she is not someone I could be with, and I know it. She has no idea of my feelings, at least that's what I think… our stations would not allow anything to happen anyway."

Memories of Morgana's visits came to Merlyn's mind with Arthur's words. Every time the princess had visited her - and that happened everyday at least three times  -, Merlyn had asked where Arthur was, right after questioning did the younger girl know what was going on with the knights. And almost every time the princess told that he was with Gwen, Morgana's maid. And the times when Merlyn was permitted to leave her chambers for a short walk, she had seen Arthur and the lovely maid somewhere together. Mostly they were just walking to the same direction while having a conversation, but sometimes she caught them whispering with their heads leaned close together. It was not hard for even the emotionally deprived warrior she was, to figure out that there was something more going on between them. It was a shame really - as little as Merlyn spent time with the maid, she had already seen what a kind, gentle and caring the woman was. Gwen deserved love, and if something as stupid as _status difference_ got in the way of that… it just was not right.

Humming silently she changed her position again, now leaning a bit forward towards Arthur, trying not to pull the stitches she had on her side. "I don't think you should give up so easily. Even if this girl had no idea, she could someday find out and who knows? Maybe she feels the same way," comforted Merlyn, reaching out to pat the prince's knee. "Like I once said, when you're king you can marry _whoever_ you want."

After shrugging at her words, the prince straightened in his seat a bit. "Yeah, I remember. I also remember you being extremely adamant of not believing that you'd find anyone, but has that changed?" Merlyn saw how desperate the man was to change the topic, and tried to bite her tongue to keep herself from mentioning about it. "You still have been spending a lot of time with a certain drunken knight we both know." There was a strange look in Arthur's eyes as he mentioned Gwaine and Merlyn spending a lot of time together, but it only made her snicker.

"Oh, _no_. It has not changed in any direction," she assured and waved a hand at the man, "Gwaine and I are as far from being in a relationship as two people can be! He brings a girl back to his room every night and flirts with everything that moves, and I have still have no interest in anyone."

"Oh, don't lie to me!" The prat scoffed and scooted to sit on the edge of the chair, leaning his elbows against his knees now. "There has to be at least _someone_." The statement made Merlyn's stomach twist in several tight knots, for a reason she did not understand. It felt like every time someone mentioned her being interest in a man or that there should be someone for her, Merlyn's insides went crazy and her mind fuzzy. It had started right before they had found Gwaine and Percival, and the warrior was getting slightly annoyed with it.

Snorting loudly, Merlyn gave the man a pointed look. "Oh yeah? Should I be bringing men to my room too like Gwaine? Or like _you_ did a while ago." She noticed the blush washing over Arthur's face and grinned even more now. "Yeah, I hear things when I'm in these chambers all the time. You were not really being all that silent, and whoever the gal was, she was giggling awfully loudly."

"It is not what it seems…" Arthur almost whispered, trying to ignore the dubious look she gave him.

"Oh, don't _you_ lie to me now!" She nearly yelled, slapping the back of his head lightly. It made the man jolt in his seat and glare at her, albeit it had very little heat in it. "I have a maid who _loves_ to tell me the gossips running around this castle, and one of them is how you were quite the ladies' man a while back." The prince grumbled something under his breath and all the while his blushing got even worse. It seemed like he was either very reluctant to speak about it, or was ashamed of it.

"She didn't even spend the night, you know," he mumbled finally after staying weirdly silent for almost a minute. It was strange to see Arthur being so prudish about it, as the man joked with everyone about these things. He and Merlyn had even 'agreed' to him seeing her in only a towel one day, even when it was just a joke, but he had never acted like _this_. "Nothing even happened."

Merlyn was smiling softly now, trying to ease his discomfort a bit, "I'm _not_ judging you, Arthur," she assured him, prompting him to now finally look up at her again. "While I have not had any contact with men while living in Camelot, I too have had some… agreements, with a man. _Men_ , actually, plural. So, I'm not someone who could even judge you. Some people are more refrained when it comes to bedchamber pleasures-" as impossible as it was, Arthur's blush deepened again, but at least his mouth twitched into an almost smile, "-and some are living more freely. I belong to the last group of people, and if I may say, we are a rare breed."

Even though Arthur was smiling now, he still looked like he wanted to throw something out of the window - or at her, who knows? - and Merlyn could not figure out why. Was he really that uncomfortable with this topic, or was it just his shame making him act like that? Or, perhaps, he didn't like the thought of a woman not being a virgin while still unmarried? That was quite a leap of thought and a hypocritical one at that, but some people were like that. But the prince really could not have thought that she was one of those - she was a commoner for one, and… well, she was _Merlyn._ She had no problem with joking crudely with the knights and flirting playfully with Gwaine, so what would make someone think she hadn't had sex before? It should have been obvious.

But, after her words the prince quickly changed the topic to the knights and training, so Merlyn just went with it so she would not scare the man away. She was secretly forming a plan to get Arthur and Gwen together, or at least to get the man to admit that the maid was the one he had spoken of. The warrior was not one of the most romantic people there was, but knew how to form battle plans, so it could not be so hard to plan a way to get the two together.

 

***

 

Merlyn had dreamed of poisons, knights in black armor and unearthly azure eyes for weeks, mixed with the horrors of her past. The dreams were always the same, every single night; it started with the memorable scene of the peace talks with King Bayard. Merlyn was standing there with the chalice in her hand, staring at Arthur's blue eyes with her own wide, dark ones. But then the sight changed as Arthur morphed in to the servant, Carl, who was smirking viciously but Merlyn could only think of the eyes of the boy once more. They were just so familiar that it made her go insane. But then the scene changed again with a whirl of white smoke, bringing her back to the arena where she was fighting the wraith again. There were no massive crowd this time, only the royals but the only one of them moving was Arthur, the others were frozen in place. His was staring at her, blinking slowly but had no real emotions on his face.

An eerie cackle came from behind Merlyn when she parried an attack from the knight, so she had no chance on turning around and looking for the person laughing at her. She did feel a presence, different from Mordred's but still she knew she had felt if before. It melted with the aura of the wraith, bringing once again the memory of her kidnapper and her sister to Merlyn's mind, when they were trying to raise the dead to form their army of undead. Merlyn saw herself, a ten-year-old girl wearing a white tunic and dark trousers under her black cloak with her hair braided along her skull, crouching in the shadows and listening to two, powerful voices speaking a spell behind a closed door. Her younger self's eyes flashed bright, powerful gold with no incantation and a booming explosion was heard from where the women were, then seeing herself rapidly grow before her eyes to a fourteen-year-old young woman lurking between the trees in a dark forest, watching a young boy scream in pain as her eyes stayed bright gold and cuts after cuts appeared on his skin, a small smile dancing on her face the whole time. The scene changed again, to her lying on a thin mattress in a dimly lit, small space while a boy with black hair and pale skin kissed his way down from her lips to her chest and stomach, all the while her whispering the name _Mordred_ and gasping in pleasure, then straight from that to the point where she screamed in agony and tried to desperately lock her darkness away while Lancelot tried to comfort her with tears in his eyes - eyes that once more morphed from brown, deep and gentle ones into blue, shining pair that looked up straight to her watching from above.

 _"You cannot win, Merlyn."_ A voice whispered and the blue eyes flashed gold before her eyes, just before Merlyn jolted awake when her door was slammed open and suddenly she had an armful of shuddering, weeping princess to concentrate on. Trying to blink out the sleep from her eyes, she heard the frantic, sobbing words coming from Morgana. She only heard the words 'Arthur' and 'danger', but it was enough to remove her grogginess and straighten her posture.

"Morgana," she called the girl and repeated herself for several times, before she got the princess' attention. Her red-rimmed emerald eyes turned to her, glassy with tears and fear. "Slow down. Tell me what you saw." It was no wonder Morgana would run to Merlyn if she saw a new dream, as the warrior was currently the only one who believed the princess to see real things. Morgana had not seen any dreams since the Sidhe, but Merlyn was ready to listen anytime she came to her about something.

Morgana's voice shook so much, she had to start her story twice, before Merlyn understood anything; "I-I saw a terrible monster, in a dark place. I didn't see who was there with it, but.. _I saw it bite Arthur!_ " The tears were coming again. Merlyn bit her lip tight as she pulled the girl to the bed and spread her blanket over her too before wrapping her arms around the princess' shoulder again. "It-it bit him, a-and.. and then I saw him lying in bed. He w-was so _pale_ and sick… it was l-like he was a-already dead…" As much as Merlyn wanted to tell the girl that she had nothing to be afraid of, that the dream would not come true, she knew she could not. There was a huge possibility, that it would really happen - that Arthur would die. Suddenly the witch wanted to strangle the prince herself - why did he curse it when she had been recovering from the wraith by asking when would the situation be reversed? _Damn it._

Eventually, when Morgana's sobs subsided slightly, Merlyn rubbed soothing circles on her back and quietly shushed her. "I promise, Morgana," the warrior whispered, feeling how the princess was slowly dozing off against her shoulder, "I won't let him die. I'll do whatever I can."

She let Morgana stay in her bed. The younger girl was exhausted and the feeling of Merlyn stoking her hair while she slept was probably helping with her sleep, as she didn't even wake up when the warrior crawled out to hurry to the courtyard. The patrol that had left two nights ago was coming back any time now. Normally, Merlyn would have joined them but she was still denied too much work. Gaius said that the blade of the wraith had come too close to her organs, so the healing would take a bit longer than usual. And Merlyn really could not use her magic to speed it up too much, because it would look suspicious. So, she had been ordered to stay back while Arthur, Gwaine, Leon and seven other knights left to visit a nearby village, where the villagers had sighted a mysterious creature in the woods.

While she was leaving her room, Merlyn ran into Margaret. With quick instructions to not go to her room now because the princess was sleeping there, Margaret left to fetch Morgana breakfast ready and Merlyn continued her way to the yard. But she never got that far, when the prince and knights came in, faces grim and darkened by misery. With a quick look over them, she noticed how Sir Charles was missing and there was blood on Gwaine's armor. Merlyn didn't even have to ask what happened, so she only fell in step with the others as they made their way to the throne room. Arthur only spared a quick glance at her as he walked past him, a strong emotion shining in his eyes that confused her for a moment.

"Arthur," the voice of the king snapped Merlyn out of her thoughts and her dark blue eyes focused on the back of the prince. His shoulders were sagging and jaw ticking furiously, he had just told that they had encountered the monster. Merlyn noticed how Morgana walked in right at that moment, and had that fearful look in her eyes as she stopped next to Merlyn. "What did this monster look like and where was it?"

The prince then went on to describe how they had followed the directions the villagers had given them, and they led them to a series of caves closer to Camelot. They had not had the chance to even go in, when the creature attacked them. He described the monster - a body of a leopard and the head of a vicious snake - and how it had captured and killed Sir Charles right in front of them. Merlyn felt how Morgana gripped the warrior's wrist when the description was given, and knew instantly that the monster was the one from the princess' dreams.

"The creature you describe has all the characteristics of the Questing Beast, sire," Gaius spoke up after a moment of silence. The name triggered once again something in Merlyn's memory. "According to the old books, the appearance of the Questing Beast is supposed to foreshadow a time of great upheaval." Ah, that was it. The Questing Beast, a highly poisonous creature with a bite that would kill every time with no exceptions. And that meant…

Merlyn's eyes lowered to Morgana, who was staring at her brother with tears in her eyes, as Gaius said the same thing out loud - one bite meant death. "Gaius, it's an old wives' tale," Uther immediately scoffed and waived a hand at the physician. Gaius didn't budge though, only raised an eyebrow at the king. He was the only one who could be judgmental towards the king, and no one even knew why Uther allowed it.

"I beg you, Sire, do not dismiss this. The beast is an omen. I've seen it come before, the night your wife Ygraine passed away." But the words of the old man only made Uther look angrier as he ordered the physician to leave the room. He did, but only after giving a pointed look to Merlyn, who nodded in understanding. A dream that showed Arthur getting bitten, and now the beast was a sigh of a great change - there were not many conclusions a person could make of it.

With a swirl of his cape, the king turned to his son, "we must kill it before it attacks anyone else. Arthur, gather the guard and your best knights together. You ride at dawn."

 

***

 

"If Arthur gets bitten by a Questing Beast, is there a way to save him?"

Merlyn had ran down to the dragon's cave immediately that night after trying to find an answer in the books Gaius had. The only one she thought would have the answers she needed, was Kilgharrah but he looked very reluctant to say anything. Merlyn had been begging him to answer for almost an hour, and she was not going to stay behind when Arthur was probably going to his death. "Please, Kilgharrah, I need you to answer me! If he dies, then everything I've been doing is going to waste and Albion will _never_ be!"

The golden gaze locked on her was soft, sad and piercing all at the same time and Merlyn felt her heart clench as she stood under it. "There is only one thing you could do, Merlyn," he finally sighed, lowering himself to her level. "You need to go to the Isle of the Blessed and seek help from a High Priestess."

Merlyn was already shaking her head furiously - the only High Priestess she knew would never help her. "No, she won't do it, I know it. Not for me, not-"

"I am not talking about the one who wronged you as a hatchling, young witch," Kilgharrah rumbled softly and tilted his head. "There is another. And she will help."

"Are you sure of that, Kilgharrah?" Merlyn breathed, reluctant to hope for the best just yet. But when she saw the small nod, she smiled and thanked the dragon heartily, shouting appreciative words over her shoulder as she was already making her way up the stairs and to the prince. Gaius had unenthusiastically given her permission to start her duties again, as he too knew that Merlyn had to go with the prince. 

Like she always did, Merlyn walked in the prince's chambers without knocking. This time though, he was not in his towel, or even readying for bed like she had thought, but just standing before his window and silently staring at the horizon. He didn't even react when Merlyn came in, or when she called him several times. Only when he turned around did he acknowledge her, and even jumped a bit. "Merlyn?" He gasped, startled. "When did you get here?"

The warrior raised a brow at him, "about ten minutes ago, but you were in some other world so you heard none of my calls." Sheepishly grinning, the prince waived Merlyn to sit by the dining table. "I was actually coming to inform you, that I'll be joining the hunt tomorrow. Gaius has already cleared me healthy enough, and I'm seriously going to rot if I stay behind even one more time."

"Are you sure?" Arthur asked, brow greasing in worry-lines as he gave her a quick once over. The way he was worrying over Merlyn was getting a bit old now, as she had seen the same look every time the man had visited her.

A hard scoff came from Merlyn mouth as she leaned against the backrest of the chair in front of her she hadn't sat in. "Yes, I'm sure," she answered a bit more heatedly than necessary, glaring at the man with her eyebrows in a deep frown. "I'm really getting sick of staying here all the time, when I could be helping. The king himself said that you need your best knights, and while I hate bragging, I _am_ one of them." It was easier these days just to refer herself as a knight than 'an advisor to the prince and a lady-warrior '.

Arthur looked at her funny again, but eventually just got up from the chair and walked back to the window. "I don't see why you should need to ask my permission. You have already showed that you do and say whatever you want, so I presume it includes coming along even if I deny it," he sighed and leaned against the window frame. It was true though, Merlyn was not the most respectful person to have around and definitely did what she wanted. And she could not blame the man for being like this, not after hearing what had been bothering him lately when she had still been bedridden. Merlyn had never personally felt a broken heart or even felt what it was like for someone to like her. Mordred's feelings were no love, more like an obsession, and Lancelot's… well, they had a mutual agreement that it was only physical and nothing more. They had been only friends, and neither wanted anything more out of it.

"I'll see you at first light then, sire." Merlyn turned to leave, hand on the door but stopped before opening the door. "I made a promise to Morgana, that I would do anything to get you back to her. Even if it means I die. I intend to keep that promise," she said quieter now with her back to the man, but Arthur heard anyway. His head snapped around, but Merlyn was gone before she could hear his answer. She did hear a loud crash coming from the prince's chambers and her name being shouted, but didn't stop until she was almost at the stables. She had no intention of sleeping, no when she was preparing for the worst so Merlyn decided to spent the night first with Saewig and the rest of it in the woods, gathering her strength, both physical and magical. The woods were the closest she could get to the natural magic of the earth - the best places for her had always been high hills, or lakes and such - and there she could try to relax before the hunting party leaves the next morning.

 

***

 

"You've seen the foe we face. It's a creature of nightmare, but you are the best knights in the realm. We can, and we will, kill it before it harms any citizen of our kingdom," the prince of Camelot said in a loud, powerful voice, in all his glory wearing his shining armor and red cape, standing before the knights that had just mounted and drew his sword in the air. "For the love of Camelot!" The exclamation was repeated by the knights and Merlyn, who was standing next to her horse and holding Saewig's and Hengroen's reins in her hands, waiting for Arthur to finish prepping the knights and the few guards leaving to hunt the beast. Merlyn's magic was humming dangerously close to the surface, readying itself for the mission of saving the prince from getting bitten. They had been in battle before and Merlyn had known she had to keep Arthur safe, but this was different somehow - her magic felt more agitated, more powerful now and her mind was occupied with the azure eyes of her dreams, knowledge of Morgana's visions and her own battle of staying calm and keeping her magic under control. These times when her powers wanted to lash out, it was harder for her to keep the darkness of her past self away. Merlyn had recognized the part of her as a separate entity, like a different Merlyn all together. While she knew perfectly well that her past behavior was all her and not some sort of a different being, it was easier to just push it away and not deal with it - ever.

"Ready to go, Merlyn?" Arthur had somehow appeared next to the warrior and made her jump in surprise. With a hasty nod she steeled herself once again and mounted Saewig after handing the prince his horse's reins. "Right. Move out!"

The battalion of knights and guards all kicked their horses forward and rode out of the gates in a slow trot after the prince and his advisor. The citizens were there to wish them good luck and see them off, but it was not a cheerful crowd like other times - news had gotten out that there was a dangerous creature in the forest, and one of the knights had already fallen to its jaws. The men, women and even children had crestfallen expressions as they shouted good luck wishes to them, threw flowers at the hoofs of their mounts and waived goodbyes. Some children focused on Merlyn particularly, waiving with tears in their eyes and crying out that she had to come back. It broke Merlyn's heart to see it, but it also made her more determined to return in full health - if she didn't have to sacrifice herself for the prince, that was.

They all knew some of them might not get back and it showed in their rigid postures and clenched jaws, but they still tried to keep a brave face on for the people who counted on them.

It took them two hours of fast riding to get to the caves where the beast had been seen last. Merlyn spotted a torn red cape near the entrance, but no body of Sir Charles with it. They had no idea it the Questing Beast ate human, or just hid the body but none of them wanted to know firsthand. "Leon, Gwaine, Hugo, Pellinore, Evan" Arthur called in a hushed voiced when they dismounted, "you take groups to the five other tunnels. Merlyn and I will take the sixth one." There were just enough soldiers there so the five tunnels had three people searching them, and then Merlyn and Arthur went alone to the last one. They all nodded before silently entering the caves. The tunnels were all completely dark, so they lit the torches they had brought along.

Gwaine grabbed Merlyn's elbow for a moment before she followed the prince and gave the warrior a pointed look, that said it all. _Be careful, protect him but don't die yourself._ She swallowed thickly and nodded, but could not promise anything. The destiny and her duty came first - Arthur and the bright future came first. The prince walked ahead with Merlyn trailing behind with a torch. For a while, all they could hear was water dripping somewhere and their own, heavy breathing and footsteps.

"Are you sure it's still here?" Merlyn whispered after the tunnel turned for the fifth time. There were no signs of the beast, no bodies or bones and not even marks where it might have walked. They were hunting for a ghost apparently, at it made Merlyn very twitchy with aggravation and slight boredom.

"You should've stayed back, if this is too boring for you,  _Mer_ lyn," she heard the prince snap back and just rolled her eyes at his tone.

"And what got your knickers in a twist _this time_ , sire?" Merlyn mumbled, lifting the torch a bit more so it could light up the tunnel better. Arthur just scoffed, not even flashing a quick smile. "Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine today."

She got an annoyed glare for him but just grinned merrily back, not bothered the slightest. "This little sunshine has no wish to die today, so if you'd _shut up_ for once." Merlyn snorted silently, but made a show of pretending to lock her lips and throw away the key. She saw the slight smile on his lips before Arthur walked forward to hide it.

Then suddenly, a deafening roar ripped through the air and the Questing Beast appeared from the shadows right in front of them, effectively making them stop like they hit an invisible wall and gape in horror.

But then the prince did like he always did - stepped forward between Merlyn and the beast with the tip of his blade pointing at it. "Arthur, step back!" She growled and grabbed his forearm, but he just twisted his arms to grab her instead and pulled her behind him. The thing stalked forward, snake-like head pushing further from its neck and hissed angrily, its reptilian tongue flicking too close to Arthur's face for her liking. And as quickly as it appeared, it attacked. Arthur slashed his sword wildly, not even scraping the beast but at least he let go of Merlyn's arm and gave her a chance to move. Arthur dodged the head, rolling on the ground while Merlyn tried to sneak behind it. She knew a mortal weapon couldn't kill it, not without magic but she couldn't do anything when the prince could see. Only thing she could do, was to distract it.

"Hey! You ugly thing, over here! Come and get me, _you hideous thing_!" She shouted, waving the torch from side to side to get the Questing Beast's attention. The beast hissed again and turned to her, reptilian eyes locked on her much smaller form that was backing up to a wall. Merlyn scowled at it when the head of the creature came closer without the body moving, tilting like it was intrigued by her. Staring at the beast's eyes, she didn't notice how Arthur had sneaked to her left side. Only thing she saw was a flash of shiny steel and then the questing beast whipped its head around and snapped its jaw like crazy. There was a sickening wet sound and a muffled cry of pain. Merlyn open her mouth as to yell something, but the only thing that happened was that her eyes flashed molten gold and the beast was thrown backwards, but still remained on its feet. Gathering her wits back again, Merlyn shouted a spell - _'Bregdan anweald gafeluc!' -_ and sent Arthur's sword flying towards it. The sword, covered with blue flames, embedded itself in its chest killing it almost instantly, but Merlyn was already running towards the prince who was currently lying on the ground, eyelids flickering rapidly.

"No, no, _nononono_ … it did _NOT_ bite you! Don't you say I broke my promise, _you_ _imbecile!_ I was supposed to protect you!" She shouted desperately, running her hands across Arthur's chest and shoulders, looking for a wounds. She could hear frantic shouting from where the others had gone, when her hand touched something wet. Merlyn lifted her hand and saw how her whole hand was covered with blood. "NO!!" The knights came running, and saw their prince lying on the ground next to a horrified girl and a dead beast. The next thing she noticed was how she was being forcibly ripped from the prince and pulled to the arms of Leon. Faintly Merlyn registered the hysterical Gwaine hovering somewhere to her right, eyes flicking between her and Arthur.

Merlyn somehow managed to tell them that Arthur was bitten and he needed Gaius as soon as possible. Something wet dropped to her cheek - a tear. It was not so surprising anymore that Arthur's death would bring her to tears, as the man had become close to her but the crying was still weird for her. Leon helped her out of the cave while the others carried Arthur out. "I need to go," was the only thing she managed to utter out loud when they reached the horses. Gwaine was ordered to leave with the guards and two knights straight back to Camelot, so she took her chance to leave without anyone trailing her or trying to stop her - if anyone tried, she would not guarantee them surviving it.

"What? Go? Where, why now?" Leon was utterly confused judging by the look on his face. Merlyn just shook her head, mounted her horse and rode away, leaving Leon looking after her with an sorrowful, but sort of understanding look on his face. She disappeared between the trees the same time the sky rumbled loud and dark clouds gathered over the men's heads, huge drops of water already falling down to the ground.

Faintly, the men could hear a horrifying, powerful roar-like shout come from where Merlyn had vanished.

 

***

 

Completely soaked, shivering Merlyn rode almost nonstop for two days. She only slept for few hours to reserve her powers, to make sure she'd be ready if the High Priestess was not someone who was not willing to help. Right now, with the memory of Arthur lying on the ground paling rapidly and bleeding from the wound on the crook of his neck, Merlyn felt the huge amount of power in her bang against her barriers and the darkness taking control. Every cell of her body and every bit of her minds was consumed with anger, sorrow and blinding need to _protect_. It took a lot of effort for Merlyn not to let herself surrender for the emotionless part of her mind, to just take care of this like it was nothing. She was not like that, she felt things and had her emotions, she was _not_ like Mordred - no matter what the man said and no matter what was easier.

Her feet took her almost automatically to the place she remembered faintly from her past. "Hello?" Merlyn called when she stepped to the square. It had once been a magnificent fortress housing all the High Priests and Priestess', but was in ruins thanks to Uther and the Purge. There was grass everywhere, some places up to her knee and a lone stone altar.

"Well, hello there Merlyn," answered a voice she hadn't expected to hear, even though it should have been fairly obvious. Merlyn's head turned slowly and she locked eyes with the serving boy, who had 'warned' about the poison. Except the eyes were not on Carl's face, but on a woman's. She had a long, dark brown hair and a red dress that had probably once been beautiful, but now it was just a sad, ragged mess.

"I should have realized it was you the dragon meant, Nimueh," Merlyn grumbled but walked forward to the Priestess who smirked and spread her arms like saying 'well, here I am'. "You poisoned me. And almost got Arthur killed. And I don't think I'll be wrong if I guess it was you who brought the wraith to Camelot too."

"The prince was never meant to die by my hand… but no one said anything about beasts. It was almost beautiful to see how you defeated the wraith though."

"Oh, right, because you Priestesses have such a hunger for power and vengeance that you'll destroy everything that gets in your way," Merlyn snapped, grabbing the hilt of her sword tightly. Nimueh just laughed joyfully and shook her head.

"Oh, no dear child. I only remove those who could do no good for my people. You should join me, see the other side."

"I've seen the other side, you know that perfectly well. Thanks to your so-called sister. She wanted to make me a weapon, but could not contain me anymore when I was only twelve. I wonder how much stronger I'm now," Merlyn smirked herself this time. Nimueh didn't look bothered by that, though. "And Arthur will be good for _our_ people _._ You were the one to call me Emrys fot the first time in my life, so I'm sure you understand what I mean."

"That is a lie," Nimueh growled now, a flicker of gold in her eyes, "the Pendragon men are _nothing_." Merlyn rolled her eyes and shook her head, not even completely registering how Nimueh said _men,_ not the Pendragon in general. After only meeting two of the High Priestess' of the Old Religion, the warrior had had enough of them for a lifetime. These two at least were the same, just there for the power and glory, nothing else. They cared not about the innocents that could die because of their actions.

"I am not here to talk about your motives or my past. I'm here to exchange my life to Arthur's. And don't even get started about how precious my life is compared to his, because it is not," she almost sighed at the end, utterly tired about the whole prophecy thing - even when she was on the Isle to make it happen. Merlyn was tired of her life, tired of running away and pushing her past to the back of her mind. She could now see why she had to protect Arthur, and had mostly accepted it. If she had to die now, then at least she knew she had done everything she could.

"As you wish," Nimueh waved her hand in the air and conjured a cup out of nothing. Then she made it rain until the cup was full, chanting at the same time. She pulled a container somewhere and poured the liquid in it. "After the prince drinks water of the Cup of Life, he will be healed and a life will be claimed, and the price will be paid." Nimueh handed the container to Merlyn, who nodded and walked briskly back to the boat.

 

***

 

It took her almost two days to get back to Camelot, because she was too tired to even try to use the teleportation spell. The only thing in her mind while she was travelling, was that Arthur better be alive or she'd kill him. Merlyn and Saewig were only a black and brown blur when they emerged to the Lower Town, all the while Merlyn was shouting at the citizens to get away and to the knights to get Gaius to the prince _now!_ The witch almost fell off of her horse when she stopped in front of the steps, threw the reins to George standing there, and ran towards Arthur's chambers. It was a bit difficult for the exhausted, scared warrior to navigate her way through the servants and nobles milling the halls, but fortunately they seemed to notice where Merlyn was running, so they jumped away when she came to view. The door to Arthur's chambers was open when Merlyn skidded to a halt, peering gingerly inside. The king was there with Gaius, so Merlyn motioned silently the physician closer.

"He doesn't have much time. I cannot do anything anymore," Merlyn released a breath and smiled at the old man, who looked bemused at the reaction and raised an eyebrow.

"I need you to explain to the king, that I found a cure. Something… something about an ancient cure, that could only be found outside of Camelot's borders. That you didn't know I'd make it, so that's why you didn't want to give anyone false hope," she explained quickly, watching Uther who looked like he was about to cry. Without giving Gaius a chance to ask what it really was, Merlyn walked in and towards the bed. "My lord," she mumbled and bowed slightly, glancing at the physician who stopped next to her.

"Sire, we might have a chance to save the prince," Gaius started. The king lifted his head, looking at the physician puzzled, but with small growing hope in his eyes. "Merlyn here left after the attack, knowing where to find an ancient remedy, that could help. It has not been proven, because hardly anyone knows about it. I wasn't sure if she could make it back in time or even find the person who has it, so I didn't say anything. It contains rare herbs that can only be found in Essetir and Mercia, so I couldn't have made it myself," he continued. Uther looked at Merlyn now, who was staring at Arthur, face pale and clearly anxious to move. Briefly, the witch wondered how Gaius had become such an excellent liar. Without hesitation, the king nodded and moved away from the chair to give her room. Merlyn almost ran forward and pulled the stopper away, lifting the prince's head carefully and poured the liquid down his throat a little at a time.

The king was hovering right behind Merlyn's back while she worked and Merlyn heard his nervous gulping. "I don't know when it is supposed to start working, my lord, but please, for your son's sake, keep hoping and praying," Merlyn said softly and looked at the king. The man looked at his son, who was hardly breathing and then down at Merlyn. He nodded at her words slowly, but couldn't stay there any longer so he walked out fast with Gaius trailing close behind.

The container emptied eventually and Merlyn placed his head back on the pillow. The witch smiled softly as she placed the flask on the floor and watched the sleeping prince silently for a moment. "I'm counting on you to get better, you know. I've literally got my life on the line here," she chuckled softly and sat down at the edge of the bed. There was not yet any change in the man, but Merlyn knew it would take a while. The idea of dying didn't sound so terrible now as she memorized Arthur's face, if a little sweaty and pale, completely.

"I have said a lot of bad things about you since we've met, but I do know you're a good man. Or at least, you can be. If we had a bit more time, I think we could've been great friends… Not everyone gets me to smile." Merlyn chuckled wetly as her hand was stroking his shoulder lightly, eyes locked on the movement. She let out a sigh eventually, wiped her cheeks dry once more and got up, looking at the prince's face one more time. "It has been an honor, Arthur Pendragon. I'll see you beyond the veil, hopefully when you're old and gray." The prince stirred slightly, mouth moving like he was trying to form words but the only thing coming out was a incoherent mumble and a sigh. Still smiling sadly, Merlyn bent down and placed a kiss on his forehead before walking briskly away to her own chambers to ready herself to be no more.

The idea of dying was oddly peaceful now, as she let her eyes roam over the chambers she had owned for only seven months now. Of course she had hoped that there would be a bit more time to enjoy life in Camelot, to actually make a difference and show Arthur what magic really was, to _happy_. After her talk with Arthur days ago, she had even entertained the idea of finding someone to spend her life with, someone who'd be able to handle her in all her moods. But there was no time now, sadly. Though, maybe that was a good thing; she would not leave behind anyone who'd miss her too much.

 

***

 

Next morning, Merlyn woke up utterly confused. The thing that confused her, was the actual waking up as it was not supposed to happen anymore. Merlyn had gone to a peaceful sleep on top of the bedcovers with a small smile on her lips, hands clasped on her stomach and her beloved sword lain beside her. The warrior had wanted to honor her job in Camelot by wearing the armor Arthur had given her all those months ago, hair open and falling wildly around her head. But here she was, sitting up on the bed and staring wide-eyed at the window and the sigh of the sun peering beyond the trees. She was not feeling so peaceful anymore, so the only thing she could think of was to scramble up, strap her weapons back on her belt and run to Gaius. The physician was always the first person Merlyn went to when something happened, even before the dragon - and this time it was a good thing she did, as the first thing she saw was Gaius sitting on a stool and holding a sobbing figure lying on the patient cot.

"Morgana?" Merlyn gasped and stumbled forward, dropping on her knees next to the bed. The princess jumped at the sound of her voice, but tried to smile. It was still more of a grimace, as the girl was completely covered with boils and the skin that wasn't, was burning red. "Gaius, what is happening?" Merlyn demanded, looking at the old man. He looked sad and motioned Merlyn to the side with him. Morgana's breathing slowed down the same time, as she fell in a restless sleep.

"I'm afraid she's dying. It is not a illness I know of and it certainly is not normal. The boils appeared over night and her fever is too high for her to even be conscious right now for more than few minutes," Gaius explained. It took Merlyn a moment to understand what was happening and the realization made her literally growl the name 'Nimueh'. Gaius looked confused at the reaction.

"I went to the Isle of the Blessed to bargain my life for Arthur's. _She tricked me_!" She hissed, her eyes flaring gold for a second. Gaius was clearly tempted to scold her, but she lifted her hand and shook her head. "Don't even start, Gaius. I know that you think me too precious to die, but it's Arthur we're talking about. Like the dragon said, he's my destiny and I had to do something. It seems now that I need to pay that bitch another visit," she furiously snarled and stomped out of the door. Gaius never had a chance to stop her, because the king came running for his daughter. He didn't even spare a glance at the warrior walking briskly past him, eyes flashing gold repeatedly because her magic was once again rumbling beneath her skin as her emotions were all over the place.

Merlyn saddled her horse as quickly as she could and was riding out of the city in the matter of minutes. All her focus was on saving the princess and getting her revenge on the bloody Priestess who had tricked her. Apparently not everyone knew that fooling Merlyn was the last thing they should do. She was so engrossed with her anger, that even when she heard Sir Leon shouting behind her something about the prince and running after her, Merlyn never stopped and didn't even notice the blonde man staring at her fast leave from the second floor window.

Maybe it was because Merlyn was seething and ready kill, but the journey seemed shorter now and in no time she was already climbing to the small boat waiting on the shore for her. The almost uncontrollable magic raging inside her shoved to boat forward without her even having to think about it, and soon Merlyn was already walking back to the square she had only just left.

"Come out, you bloody _wench_! I have a bone to pick with you!" The witch yelled and threw her arms in the air, spinning whilst walking. She heard a cackle behind her and whirled around, coming face to face with the bitch in question. Merlyn scowled at her with her eyes once more flaring gold briefly, but it only made Nimueh laugh more. "I gave _my_ life, not Morgana's! You claim you can't control it, and yet you seem _awfully_ delighted about how this went down!"

"It is not my choice, the Old Religion chooses the life it needs. It was not your time yet," Nimueh mused, idly dragging her fingertips against the altar while she was walking beside it. "But you see, _Emrys_ , we are the same. We are powerful, more powerful than that prince of yours will ever be. You really should join me. We could rule side by side, make our own rules. Make the Pendragons kneel before us," the witch turned to Merlyn now, smiling wide. Merlyn shook her head again, disgusted to her core. How could the Priestess even think she'd accept the offer after what she had done?

"I will never be like that again," she hissed and threw her hand up. A ball of fire shot towards Nimueh, who casually caught it and swirled it around.

"Shame. We could have been good for each other," she smiled and threw the ball back, now triple its size. Merlyn dodged just barely, but didn't manage to avoid the second ball the witch threw at him. It hit her on her upper arm, leaving behind a nasty burn and throwing her back first to a stone wall where she hit her head hard. "It truly is a shame, you are so powerful." The words were a blur in her ears, as the warrior tried hard to stay conscious. Between her almost closed eyelids, Merlyn saw the figure dressed in red walked away from her, all the while smiling wide.

It took Merlyn a couple of minutes to regain her strength and few more to get on her feet again. Nimueh heard her moving and flipped around, completely shocked and - surprisingly - proud. "You really should have just done what I asked," Merlyn growled and threw her hands up towards the sky. Black clouds began gathering over them. Merlyn made a pulling motion as she made a fist. A loudly grumble shook the earth and suddenly, a lightning struck the Priestess. Nimueh didn't even get a chance to scream when she was already blown to bits just as a heavy rain started to fall over the Isle, soaking Merlyn completely but the only thing on her mind was _how am I supposed to save Morgana now?_

 

***

 

For three whole days Merlyn wondered the woods surrounding the city of Camelot, avoiding patrols and travelers. She didn't have the guts to face Arthur or the king if Morgana died, or even if she didn't, Merlyn was too much of a coward to go back after leaving again without a word. But the cowardly warrior knew there was no turning back, no running away from this, so at midday the fourth day after Nimueh had died, Merlyn rode through the gates that led to the courtyard. Servants where running around as usual, guards patrolled around them and citizens were entering the castle for audiences. Nothing seemed any different, but things could be in a turmoil inside the castle. Merlyn let a stable boy take her horse and swallowed hard before she made her way to the huge double doors that led to the castle.

But before she could even decide where to go, there was a blur of black and pink running at her and practically flying against her chest with their arms wrapped around her body. The princess had seen her ride through the gates and ran straight to her, babbling something about Arthur and promises and thanking any God available that Merlyn came back from where ever she had been. A shaky chuckle escaped the warrior's lips as her arms circled the princess' shoulders while trying to keep her tears of relief away, but the moment broke when Sir Leon came to view, frowning deeply. Morgana let go of Merlyn, sniffled and made the witch promise to come visit her soon. Merlyn nodded and gave her a small smile before turning to the knight, who was staring at her with arms crossed over his broad chest.

She heaved a strong sigh and placed her own hands on her hips, leaning her weight on her left leg."What is it, Leon? If this is about me riding away and not listening to what the prince wanted when my _friend_ was sick, then you can-" her ranting cut off when she again had an armful of someone else now hugging her, this time it was the usually serious second in command. Merlyn froze completely, her brain shutting off.

"This has nothing to do with the prince and everything to do with you disappearing twice from me and never even explaining yourself," she heard Leon mumble in her ear and made her chuckle silently. Merlyn was actually really moved, never had she thought someone would miss her so if she'd disappear. It made her re-evaluate her life slightly. Perhaps her dying would not be just shrugged off like she had thought when she had believed her life would be given to Arthur. Her whole life, Merlyn had lived so recklessly and never giving a damn about her health and life, always putting everyone before her and just running head first to danger - maybe she was actually loved here?

"Well, Sir Leon, I really didn't know you cared so much," Merlyn hummed and patted Leon's back awkwardly. He was the first person she had started to call a friend after moving to Camelot, but had never thought he saw her as such a close friend.

"Who said anything about caring?" Leon laughed, his hold tightening around Merlyn for a moment.

" _Riight_ , whatever helps you sleep at night," the witch snorted and leaned back a bit to see his face. The knight raised a bemused eyebrow at her but a smile was still tucking the corners of his lips up. But then the expression vanished when he looked over Merlyn's head and hastily pulled away from her, eyes trained to something. Merlyn too looked over her shoulder, and sighed as she saw it - Arthur was standing in the middle of the corridor, hand on the hilt of his sword and glaring at them like he wanted to run them through right there and then. Well, _this_ had to do with her ignoring the princes commands. She turned back towards Leon, who's eyes were flicking back and forth between her and Arthur.

"It seems I won't have time to talk right now, but I'll be sure to hunt you down later," Merlyn smiled at the knight, who relaxed and smiled back when he looked down at her. He grabbed her hand and brushed the knuckles lightly with his lips, keeping the eye contact the whole time. Merlyn snorted in a very un-ladylike manner, but it just made the man smile wider. He then turned on his heels and disappeared behind the corner, effortlessly leaving Merlyn to deal alone with the prince who was practically glaring holes on her back.

Merlyn sighed again and started walking towards her own chambers, knowing that Arthur would follow without asking. And she was right - the heavy footsteps sounded behind her, trailing uncomfortably close the whole way until they made it through the door. Merlyn threw her weapons off onto the bed before turning to face the prince. His arm was resting in a sling and his shoulder and neck were heavily bandaged. She could see how the blood was staining the white linen - the bandages probably hadn't been changed in a while.

"Sit. I'll change your bandages while you rant at me," the witch motioned lazily towards the chair while walking to her cupboard. She heard the chair creaking slightly when Arthur did what was told without protesting, which in itself was very surprising. He was in the process of removing his tunic when Merlyn turned back to him and looked like he was having a bit of trouble. She raised a brow at him and made his cheeks color faintly, grumbling something under his breath.

She avoided his eyes when walking next to the prince. "So, what was so important then that couldn't have waited?" Merlyn asked tiredly while helping him out of his red tunic and removing the sling for now. It took a lot of effort to keep herself from once again staring at his bare body - it would not be appropriate at that moment . He was still bruised from the fall after being bitten, but certainly getting better. There was only a faded bluish mark stretching from his right shoulder blade to the middle of his back and a few more on his arms and sides.

"I only wanted to thank you then," Arthur's quiet voice brought her back from her mind. She started to fumble with the bandages, trying to find the end to remove them. "I saw you when you left. Heard Leon shouting outside." Merlyn glimpsed at the prince briefly, noticing how he was staring at her with an intense look in his pale eyes. Luckily Merlyn didn't mind the staring so much, or otherwise she might be blushing. She finally found the end of the linen, and started to pull it away.

"I was in a hurry," she stated simply, not really wanting to elaborate. Arthur probably figured that it was because of Morgana as he just hummed, falling silent for the time. Merlyn threw the dirty linens to the trash bin next to the window and grabbed the water and a clean cloth. After wetting the cloth, Merlyn began to clean the dried blood away. It still looked pretty bad, but at least the venom was gone. He would live. They _both_ would and that thought was very thrilling for some reason.

His breath hitched a bit when the cloth made contact with the wound. "I heard you when I was sick." That made her pause the movement, tread filling her gut rapidly. What had she said? Surely nothing about her magic? "You were talking about protecting me and that it had been an honor… you said 'I'll see you beyond the veil'," the prince's eyes were drilling into her skull while Merlyn's were locked on his neck. "What did you mean, Merlyn?"

The girl in question let out a heavy breath and continued cleaning Arthur's wound, thinking how she could say as much of the truth without him knowing about her magic. "Well. First you need to promise me you won't freak out and start screaming like I'd be murdering you. Can you do that?" She risked a glance at him under her lashes. His expression was slightly confused, but he nodded slowly. A small wince appeared on his face when the clothe touched a sensitive spot and Merlyn mumbled an apology before the thoughtful look came back to her face.

"Well, uh. Do you remember when I was poisoned and you met the woman while going to get the flower?" She earned another confused look and a nod. "She was a witch, Nimueh. A High Priestess of the Old Religion to be exact. She had transformed herself to look like a boy and then poisoned the chalice. Apparently she had an vendetta against your father, and by extension, you. And.. uh, she knew the woman who had kidnapped me, so she sort of hated me too. So, she poisoned the chalice, and-"

"-told you, because she knew you'd drink it." Arthur finished quietly, now looking away from her. He had a frown on his face and a faraway look in his eyes. Merlin nodded.

"Yeah. So, when that failed, she sent the wraith." Arthur's eyebrows shot up and he looked at her again, attempting to say something. "Shut up, I need to say this before someone comes looking for you and finds you here _half-naked_." Merlyn snapped and pressed at the wound a little too hard, causing the prince to wince more now. The blood was fairly easy to clean away, so she moved to bandage his shoulder and neck again. Fortunately she had learned something about healing and bandaging, so she finished pretty quickly.

"So anyway, she sent the knight. But then it got slain, so clearly she got desperate. So, what better way to ensure the death of her enemies than a beast with a bite that you cannot survive?" Merlyn let out a humorless laugh and shook her head, slumping a little with her fingers lingering on his flushed skin near the bandages edge. She had never noticed how the contact of his bare skin made her own tingle weirdly.

"I offered my life for yours," she told him quietly, eyes firmly on the bandage. "I went to her and got her to use The Cup of Life to save your life. So, I saved you, and do you know what happened? _Morgana_ almost died!" She hissed and threw the bloodied cloth away before backing away from him and slumping against the bedpost. Merlyn rubbed the heels of her palms against her eyes. "I don't know if she meant it to happen or not, but it happened. So, I rode back to make her save Morgana. She told me that I was too important to kill, and tried to get me to join her. Basically offered me the throne and the world," she let her hands fall and lifted her gaze to Arthur. His face was a puddle of mixed emotions - anger, disbelief, worry, sadness and more.

"You said her name _was_ Nimueh," the prince whispered, eyes locking with hers. She nodded slowly, swallowing thickly to remove the annoying lump forming in her throat.

"I killed her. Her life was apparently taken to safe Morgana." Merlyn let herself fall to the ground and thump her head against the bedpost. She was staring mostly at Arthur's hands, which we're resting on his knees. At least he wasn't calling the guards or decapitating her himself. "I don't know how, but clearly that's what happened. And even though I went to magic to help you, I don't regret it. All that mattered was that you'd live," the witch whispered. She felt something wet on her cheek and touched it utterly confused. A tear?

Suddenly Arthur was there, kneeling in front of her. His other hand was resting against Merlyn's bent knee and the other was raised towards her face. Without saying anything, the prince's finger gently swiped the tear away and it was like the floodgates had opened. Without Merlyn's permission, tears started to pool in her eyes and fall rapidly to her cheeks. Arthur looked completely horrified when her breathing turned to uncontrollable sobs, clearly not expecting the usually emotionless warrior-girl to cry so much, or well, at all. He looked at her eyes, hands hovering awkwardly over her. Merlyn let out a loud groan and shifted forward, letting him wrap his arm around her. It felt safe there in the arms of her so-called destiny, her future king. The feeling was strange as she had never really felt safe anywhere or with anyone, but it felt _good_.

She heard how the prince took a deep breath before he spoke again in a hushed voice near the top of her head, "I'm not mad at you, trust me. I don't even care about the magic, I'm just happy you're ok." _Were those Arthur's lips against my hair?_ The feeling disappeared as soon as it came, so Merlyn didn't focus on that - nope, she was weirdly enough focusing on not sobbing too loud so no one would hear. Arthur was stroking her back and hair slowly, muttering comforting words to her ear. Merlyn just nodded at his words, glad that he didn't mind the magic. She just hoped that someday he would think like that about her own powers.

"You said something else too, before I woke up," Arthur suddenly whispered and made Merlyn tense. "You said that if we had the time, we could be great friends. Does this make me your best friend now?" She could practically hear the smug smile in his voice. Merlyn cursed between her sobbing and poked his ribs, making him yelp startled.

"If you tell anyone about this, I'll cut your tongue off," she grumbled and lifted her head just enough to glare at him. Arthur tilted his head back and let out a booming, gleeful laugh that made Merlyn too chuckle quietly. Even though she liked the way she had the power to get Arthur to laugh, she had never realized how much she loved the sound of it, especially in these moments when the laughter even seemed to surprise him.

"So, is that a yes then, hm?" Merlyn rolled her eyes at the annoyingly happy tone in his voice.

"Yes, yes, now shut up, you prat," she grumbled and fell back against his chest, making the prince laugh again. Secretly, Merlyn was smiling beneath her hair too as she tucked her head against Arthur's neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick mention - I'm super excited about the next chapter! I've been writing and re-writing it dozens of times now just to make it perfect and I really really hope you'll like it!


	14. Assassin

"You really need to be careful for a while, Arthur."

The prince gave an impatient nod to Merlyn, who was currently leaning against the archway leading to his bedchambers. It was difficult for him to not stare at her, as she looked like a being from another world standing here so relaxed with the orange gloom of the sun washing over her, highlighting the prominent cheekbones and making her eyes look lighter than they were, even creating a strange halo around her naturally curly, open hair. She had a tight-fitting, deep red tunic on with the sleeves rolled up and a corset-typed vest over it. The leather trousers covering her long, femininely muscled legs were a bit dirty and wrinkled around her knees and hips, but it was a good look on her for some reason. She never looked perfectly clean or well-groomed like the nobles in the castle, but she looked gorgeous still.

He was in the process of trying to tie his gauntlets on, and excited to finally join training again. There had been no use for him at training for the whole time he had been recovering, so Arthur was a bit restless. The same faces had been there for months so they worked seamlessly together, and Merlyn had taken control with Leon after Arthur had been ordered to stay in his bed for four days since the warrior came back. His wound had been infected, but after those four days he had walked to the yard, ready to order everyone around - but then he had heard it.

 

_"Come on, you useless rats! Run like your life depended on it. Run like it's me chasing you, ready to cut your manly parts off!" None of the knights dared to laugh at that, only ran faster around the field while Merlyn stood in the middle whirling her quarterstaff around. She had her hair tied on a loose plait, and was only wearing her gauntlets, a white tunic with a corset over it and those leather pants what hugged her long legs in a way that made Arthur's mouth water again._

_"I think they've had enough, Merlyn," a man's voice called then. The prince turned to see Leon walk to the warrior with a grin on his face as he observed the sweaty men running like the hell itself was after them._

_Merlyn scoffed, swatting Leon on his thigh with the staff. "They've had enough when they think their lungs are going to jump out of their mouths and their legs feel like led." On the side still, Arthur snorted silently at her, recognizing his own words from months ago when the girl had just joined them. He forgot his original intentions as he froze to stare at the warrior. She was idly swinging the staff around, bending and twirling like an expert, eyes never really straying from the knights but never lost her footing._

_They seemed to have everything under control for that day, so Arthur sighed heavily and patted the fence a couple of times before turning on his heels and walking back. He missed the grey eyes of his second in command noticing his exit, staring after him while frowning deeply._

_"Run, you maggots!" Was the last exclamation the prince heard from Merlyn before he disappeared to the courtyard._

His weak attempts to tie the laces alone where cut off when slender, pale fingers landed on his. Startled, his eyes snapped up to meet Merlyn's amused darker ones. "I mean it," she grinned and swatted his hand away to tie them herself. "It'll be no good for any of us if you hurt yourself on the first day." The worry in her voice was covered with sarcasm, but he still heard it. After her tiny meltdown, Merlyn had stayed in Arthur's arms for god knows how long and fallen asleep there. It had been a bit awkward after she had woken up - because of his injury, Arthur could not lift her to the bed so he had stayed there on the floor without his shirt on and the sleeping Merlyn almost lying on top of him. Sure, he could have woken her up, but after everything she had done, the warrior had deserved a good night's sleep. And he really had no rush to move her away from his skin.

"I know, I know," he grumbled, eyes darting away from her face now. "But like you said when _you_ were bedridden for weeks, I too am starting to rot if I don't get to do something. Thus, _training_!" The last word were exclaimed with a too-bright smile that made Merlyn throw her head back and laugh hard, and try to finish the lacings. Her laughter always made him feel a funny warmth in his chest, but now it was more like pain than warmth. Arthur remember all too well the words Merlyn had said to him, when she had been prying about what had been worrying him. It had gotten his hopes up for a moment, but then… Then everything went to hell.

After the day Arthur had seen Merlyn and Leon train the knights together, he had seen those two spend a lot more time together around the castle. Arthur had no idea how or when or _whywhywhy_ , but somehow his second in command and the warrior-girl he always had on his mind, had grown close. Very close. _Too close_. Everywhere he looked, there they were; smiling to each other, talking quietly away from others, sparring together late at night or just exchanging long looks. All. The. _Time_. And it was rather irritating. Without a proper outlet, Arthur had been raging to George, sulking to Morgana, avoiding Leon and teasing Merlyn mercilessly, but neither of the last two had taken offence - they actually didn't even notice. He was just lucky they hadn't actually done anything or spent time alone. So, maybe he was just imagining things and they were just close friends. Arthur had even formed a strange friendship with Morgana's maid Gwen way back when Merlyn had fought the wraith, and she was practically the wisest, kindest, most romantic person there was and she had been trying to help Arthur come to terms with his feelings and what to do - but that seemed to be good for nothing as his chances were gone now. He still went to her now and again, just to talk openly about his broken hopes. Even Morgana didn't know as much as Guinevere did.

"Right, because that'll be a good way to start your light exercises," retorted Merlyn after finishing her laugh, and raised a brow at him.

She got a smug grin back when Arthur got his hand finally back, "it will be when I see you sweating and suffering once more." And promptly walked past the girl, who he still heard groan loudly and stomp after him. _You and Leon both,_ the prince found himself thinking, annoyed but could not help himself - apparently a jealous Arthur equaled a petty Arthur. And that was just _fine_ for him _._ They would survive.

Arthur walked ahead the whole way to the grounds but heard Merlyn almost jog after him. He was once more trying to push the girl away from his mind, so it was a bit easier to try and stay… mad? Well, not mad exactly, but something close to it. It was bad enough that he had been falling for the girl for months now and had had no way of showing it, but now she apparently had a thing with Leon? They were a good match though - Leon was a good, honorable man, a skilled knight and a powerful noble too, and Merlyn… Merlyn was perfect. She had her faults and secrets, but she was still just perfect. She would not be _Merlyn_ without all those scars and the darkness, they all made her so exciting and wonderful, so if a man like Leon was able to see the real her, handle her and _have_ her, the prince should be happy for both of them.

But he really wasn't. First there had been Gwaine, or well it still was but not as badly. The former rogue was still dragging Merlyn to the tavern, but now Leon accompanied them there. None of them were late from training the next mornings, but it was just… too weird. Arthur was undoubtedly feeling a bit left out, as they didn't even try to invite him with them. Though he had declined those offers in the past, maybe now he would want to join? But then again, if Merlyn and Leon tried to keep their relationship a secret, it was understandable. Leon was aware of the prince's thoughts of Merlyn in some level, so maybe he tried to spare his feelings that way.

Then there was still the added pressure of his duty as a prince of Camelot. Merlyn had admitted in turning to magic again, and it was making him very nervous. Did she not understand the dangers of dealing with sorcerers and the dark arts they practiced? Arthur had gone to Gaius about the necklace and clearly had seen the panicked look in his eyes before the old man had covered it with an emotionless gaze. Gaius had not given him any answers other that _'Balinor is dead'_ and _'you should let it go'_. But when had the prince ever let things like this go?

"Welcome back, princeling," a shout greeted Arthur as he stepped through the fence surrounding the training grounds. Gwaine was lounging on the grass near the center with Nicholas and Hugo. Leon was speaking with the others not far from them something about the day's training plan. "Have you lazed around enough now?" Arthur just glared at the man as he walked past him to Leon and the others.

"Enough with the chatting!" He boomed as he was closer, and was satisfied when he saw Leon jump in his place slightly. "Every single one of you runs around the yard five times and then pairs up with another." The order was met with a round of groans, but none of them argued - except Merlyn of course, who just stood there next to Arthur with her arms crossed.

"Your prince gave you an order, _Mer_ lyn," he growled as he came face to face with her, but it had no effect on her. It never did, she was too stubborn for it. That was one of the qualities he liked about her - she had her own mind and rarely took any orders if it was not necessary. But the thoughts of magic and the danger Merlyn had out herself so many times was again spinning in his head, so he was getting angrier by the second.

"I know, but have I ever listened?" The young woman scoffed and tried to get the prince to smile, but he did not budge. He could not let his resolve crumble already, Merlyn really did deserve better. "Why are you in such a _great_ mood again?" He nearly sighed in defeat, but kept his face stoic just barely. The bright grin from her faded little by little, and took a piece of Arthur's heart with it - as if all of it was not her already. He did not answer, so soon a scoff was heard from the warrior as she raised a brow at him. "Are you even going to thank me for yesterday?" Ah, _right_. Three days ago Arthur had been particularly angry about.. something, so he had taken it out on none other than George. The poor boy had been sleeping badly for weeks while Arthur was recovering as he had to stay awake by the prince's bedside to make sure the wound would not get infected again, so that combined with Arthur's moods and the excavation going on under the castle, he had been a bit sloppy with his duties.

That day three days ago, George had accidentally dropped some of the monarch's laundry on the courtyard and Arthur had unfortunately seen it. He had bellowed at the boy for several minutes when a seemingly nice young man had offered to help with the clothes. The man, Cedric, had seemed like a fine person, someone on the look for a job according to his words, so for a punishment for his original servant Arthur had offered to take Cedric for his servant for a few days while George spent his in the stocks. All had gone well for almost two days, but then when Arthur went to sleep, the man had stolen his keys and gone down to the excavation tunnels the workers had found a tomb filled with riches. Luckily, it had been Merlyn's patrol night and she had caught Cedric entering the tunnels before anything was taken. The best part of it had been the fact Gaius had provided them the next day - the tomb had belonged to the warlock Cornelius Sigan, and he had apparently trapped his own soul to a huge gem there. If Cedric - who had proven to be a greedy bastard and not a fine man like Arthur had thought - had taken it, it would have released the soul and Camelot would have been in danger. Merlyn had been offered a generous amount of gold, but she had declined it, but asked for a few days of leave to be used later.

"Why should I? You were only doing your job and even denied any rewards, so why do you need a thank you from _me_?" The prince snorted. His gleeful mood vanished though, after Merlyn's expression darkened visibly and her fists curled into two tight balls that could very well inflict a lot of pain for Arthur if he didn't keep his snarky remarks to himself. It was unusual for Merlyn to wait a compliment from him for her job. She knew she was good and did not like to be put on a pedestal. Perhaps something had happened that he did not know?

"Oh, I don't know, how about because you _never_ compliment me for the things I do around here anymore," snapped Merlyn. Her eyes seemed to glow with anger, and it made Arthur actually bite his tongue to keep quiet. "I really don't know what's going on with you again, but if I have done something wrong, you only need to tell me. You're still my friend, even when your mood seem to change in the blink of an eye these days."

He sighed tiredly, knowing that he was acting like an ass once more, "you have done nothing wrong, Merlyn, I just-"

"You just _what_?" He was cut off by the warrior now actually hissing furiously and stepped closer, arms trembling like they always did when she was trying really hard not to punch anyone. "If it's because the girl you're so besotted with still has no idea and it's twisting your balls into a blue knots, don't take it out on _me_!" The prince flinched hard at her words, even when he heard the strong irony in them. _Oh, Merlyn, if only you knew…_

"You once asked why I was so cold with you, right? Well, when you act like _this-"_ Merlyn waved a hand at him, almost slapping him in the process, "-with me, it does not make things any better. I don't get involved in people, if I can help it. Not seriously anyway, but I was ready to make an exception, a real exception for _you_. But perhaps it's not meant to be between us, as you clearly have no respect for me or the things I do. I thought you were better than the first time we met! I've learned my lesson on trusting others too easily. It only brings forth death and misery. Maybe I should start living like that again."Arthur didn't even have a chance to answer before Merlyn was already walking away. Once again, he felt terrible about acting this way. He liked- no, he _loved_ her. It had been a slow realization, but he really did. He _loved_ Merlyn, all of her and all he didn't know yet. And it was painful, so painful to see her walk away and not be able to run after her and just… just tell it, be there, be _him_ in all ways - the smug, arrogant prat of a prince but still the _completely-in-love-with-Merlyn_ Arthur too. But no, he had to watch her retreating back and see Leon be the one go to her. Arthur knew he had to get over it, find someone his father would approve, get married and get heirs, be a king with a noble queen.

But he didn't want to. He wanted _her._

 

**M**

 

A loud crash was heard in the forest, followed by thunderous swearing and some stifled laughing. Merlyn was holding her hurting hand, as she had just smashed it against a tree while trying to hit it with her sword. Her mind was too occupied with Arthur - no surprises there, though - and had missed her mark. Leon on the other hand, just sat not far behind her, leaning his back against a fallen tree trunk and watching her with his eyebrows raised, smiling like there was something amusing about her anger.

"And what the hell are _you_ laughing at?" She finally shouted at the knight as she turned around to face him. He pulled a non-convincing innocent expression that just made Merlyn roll her eyes. These people really needed to learn how to lie better. Not that Merlyn was an expert, but at least she could tell one someone was not telling the truth or was acting. "You know perfectly well what I can do, so don't make me more angry, Leon."

Again, he had to cover up his snicker with a cough, but it still sounded a bit more real this time. "Right, sorry," he mused and patted the ground next to him. "What's going on with you two?" The warrior sighed heavily as she flopped on the ground, banging the back of her head against the tree. It hurt a bit, but right now she couldn't have cared less.

"I wish I knew. After the day I came back from the Isle, he…" Merlyn had to search for the words for a moment, "he has been avoiding me, _again_. And treating me like crap, _again_. It started just a few days after it, right around the time I came back to training." Leon's face fell a bit and it caught Merlyn's eye. With a raised brow, she prompted a defeated sigh from the knight.

"I saw him that day," he answered as he stared at the castle showing in the distance. The sun was hanging low already, they had been riding around for hours before stopping closer to the city. Merlyn had to get away so she would not do anything stupid. "When you came back too, I mean. He looked like he was about to do something, but then just went back to the castle."

He got a hum from Merlyn. "Maybe he was annoyed that he could not join the training? Or I did something wrong then?" She suggested, but only got a nonchalant shrug back. Rolling her eyes, Merlyn fiddled with a stick that she picked from the ground. The three weeks after returning from the Isle of the Blessed had been strange enough for her, but to add Arthur's odd mood? It was not making anything easier. She had been wracking her brain trying to figure out how Morgana had been saved and only after finally going to Kilgharrah after two weeks had she learned that she apparently now controller the power over Life and Death. It made sense, but it also made Merlyn shiver uncontrollably - it was a frightening thought to hold such a power on her fingertips, but it came with the name apparently. Being Emrys was not something to be celebrated, not for her at least - it contained so much pain and suffering, and terrifying powers that could literally destroy kingdoms with the snap of those aforementioned fingers. She was afraid of herself to be honest.

"Tell me, Leon, why aren't you more… I don't know, scared? Running away from me and screaming bloody murder right about now?" She threw the bent stick away as he turned to look at the tall knight beside her. Leon had a small smile on his lips as he glanced at Merlyn.

"Why should I?" Asked the grinning Leon and earned a light punch on the shoulder. "Ah, _that._ I guess I should be, because seeing you standing there like a vengeful goddess with golden eyes and killing those bandits with a wave of your hand was sort of a scary sight," the man mused and gave her a sideways glance as Merlyn laughed out loud.

 

_Merlyn and Leon had been riding back to Camelot from one of the villages they had visited while on a patrol. They had been talking about training and how Arthur had been acting very strange when at least nine or ten armed men charged from the forest. Acting on instinct both had dismounted and were in the progress of drawing their swords, when an arrow flew at them, piercing Leon's chainmail. The man had dropped to his knees with a muffled yell and dropped his sword. Merlyn had no chance to go to him, as the bandits came closer._

_"Run along, lass, yer friend 'ere is the one we want!" She heard one of the men shout. Merlyn risked a momentary look at her friend, who was clutching his side where the arrow was still sticking. Leon looked straight at her with pleading eyes, willing her to run so she wouldn't die. At one point of her life, she might have done just that._

_Merlyn shook her head, making a quick decision that could end her life, but at least Leon would live. "I'm not going anywhere," she said, to both Leon and the bandits. Leon looked like he was about to protest, but Merlyn only swirled her sword and stepped between her friend and the attackers. "You really did choose the wrong woman to anger," the witch growled between her teeth, jaw twitching as she stared the men down._

_The only answer she got was a roaring laugh from the bandits and a quiet protest from Leon before the bandits moved as one. With a flash of her eyes, a ball of fire formed around her free hand as she dropped to a battle stance. She saw the fleeting look of fear in the men's eyes and heard a chocked sound from Leon, but paid no heed to them as she stalked towards the men, swirling her sword again. A flash of movement caught her attention as a hiding bandit shot an arrow at her from the left. Without even looking at it, she stopped the arrow a mere inch away from her head. The arrow turned in the air and shot back at the man, who fell with a yell as the arrow plunged his chest._

_"Wrong move," and with that she let out a battle cry and attacked the closest man. The man parried as she brought her sword down and tried to twist it to get Merlyn to drop it. With a scoff she let her eyes flash and the hilt of the man's sword became too hot to hold. He let it go and Merlyn plunged her sword to his chest, simultaneously shooting a ball of fire from her still flaming hand at another bandit who was coming closer. Both thugs fell, and she moved on, wielding her sword with a fierce determination. She could practically feel Leon's grey eyes on her as she made her way through the brutes, but even with her magic and skill with the blade, there were too many of them._

_"Merlyn!" She heard Leon yell when she drew her blade from the fourth man's stomach. Merlyn spun around and saw a flash of steel as one of them tried to attack her from the back. She brought her sword up, but the force was too big and she felt the blade drop. Locking eyes with Leon for a second, she saw the fear in them - but there was also sorrow. He wasn't scared of her, he was scared_ for _her._

_Merlyn felt her eyes change color again without her even making the decision and a strong wind formed around her and the bandits. Her now mostly open hair flipped around and the force of the wind threw the bandit away from her. Now looking at the men who were still alive she smirked and lifted her hand, making a motion like swatting a fly. The remaining six men were flung backwards, some of them hitting trees and not moving anymore, but three of them only landing on the ground to scramble up a second later and run away in fear._

_The wind slowly calmed down and the gold faded from Merlyn's eyes as she turned back to look at Leon. The knight was watching her with eyes wider than she thought was possible. With a sigh she walked slowly towards him, hands in the air as a sign of peace. Leon was visibly struggling to stay conscious, blood still dripping from his side._

_"I can heal it if you'll let me," Merlyn said quietly while kneeling next to him, keeping a distance between them. She wasn't scared of him or dying for that matter, but hated seeing the fear on **his** eyes. She didn't like being feared, not if the person was someone who she actually liked. _

_Leon hesitated a moment but eventually nodded shakily. Merlyn bit her lip but moved closer, pushing the knight to his back. She took hold of the arrow and swiftly pulled it out causing Leon to curse loud. Muttering apologies Merlyn pressed her hand on the wound and began chanting one of the healing spell she knew. She was not good with healing but at least the arrow hadn't pierced any vital organs. Her eyes stayed gold for a minute before she pulled her hand away. To be safe, she waved her and over Leon's mail; the blood vanished almost immediately and the mail repaired itself._

_Satisfied with her work, Merlyn got up and took a couple of steps back. Leon was staring at her, eyes still wide but he didn't look scared anymore - the look was filled with awe and confusion._

_"Why did you save me?" He asked suddenly. Merlyn frowned at the question. "I mean.. it would have been easier for you to just let me die so I wouldn't go to the king about your.. talents," he explained when he saw Merlyn's frown. He got up slowly to his still a bit shaky feet, never taking his eyes off the witch._

_The witch in question sighed. "I know. But you need to understand, that I'm not evil. I have never used my magic for anything but good since I've been in Camelot," she knew Leon could understand the underlying matter - before Camelot things have been different. Leon frowned at her answer._

_"But… the king wants everyone with magic killed. Why are you here? Why risk your life in a kingdom where being you is outlawed?" The knight was utterly confused by her. Why would she stay? Why would she save him? Why would she save the prince for that matter?_

_"I can explain everything later. Just please, believe me when I say that I will never do anything to harm the king, the prince or anyone in Camelot."_

 

"Well, I wouldn't say a _goddess_ but vengeful? You're _damn_ right I was. No one hurts my friends if I have a chance to prevent it," she said making Leon laugh now. Their friendship had slowly, but steadily been improving - especially since the knights had seen the truth about her. Leon had no idea about everything, but at least knew more about her kidnapper than others. They had been spending a lot of time lately, and it had brought up a bit too much questions from the other knights.

"So, you have a destiny? What does that mean exactly?" Merlyn had mentioned it only a few days earlier as they had been quietly talking in his chambers, sitting on his bed with their shoulders leaning against each other. The conversation had stopped abruptly as Gwaine had barged in to invite Leon to the tavern with him, but stopped like he had hit a wall. The night at the tavern had been filled with annoying remarks about them being so intimately on the bed together, and questions if something was going on between them. Even the heated glares from Leon and the punches from Merlyn did not get the man to shut up.

"Well, apparently my destiny is to keep a certain prat from dying so he can become king, unite the lands and bring magic back. Not my favorite job to have, but so far I've been successful. It's not like he's a magnet for trouble," Merlyn grumbled as she picked up a new stick to twirl in her hands. She heard a silent snicker coming from the knight and slapped him playfully. "Don't laugh, it's harder than you think. Do you know how many times I've had to save him?" Leon shook his head. "Neither do I. I mean, I remember all of the biggest things, like the black knight and the Questing Beast, but then there's the odd, vengeful sorcerer, every _bloody_ bandit we have ever seen and sometimes I swear even I want to kill him! Then I need to save him from _myself_!" She exclaimed throwing her arms up in frustration. This time Leon managed to keep his laughter away by biting his lip. Merlyn scowled at him and leaned back against the tree with a huge sigh.

"Well, at least your life is not boring," he said amusedly and pulled his waterskin from his belt. After taking a swig he offered it to the witch next to him, who was nodding in agreement to his statement. Maybe not boring, but extremely dangerous. She was still wondering how the hell she had survived this long.

She took a long drink from the skin. "Yes, well… The least he could do is be careful, but _nooo_ , he has to run head first to danger and then it's my job to get him out. Like when I drank the poison! He went alone to the caves and almost _died_ in there. Gaius said I did magic when I was unconscious, chanting a complicated spell and I kept saying Arthur's name. Something about a trap, and darkness and _'follow the light'_. I don't remember anything and Arthur doesn't like talking about that day, but I'm pretty sure I somehow saved him then too even though I was almost dead that time," Merlyn grumbled. She was extremely annoyed that she could not remember anything but small snippets here and there. "The only things I remember are drinking the wine, seeing a dream of Arthur jumping from a cliff and then waking up feelings all sorts of dead and terrible."

Leon understood what she meant, even though he knew next to nothing about magic. "Well, let's hope you succeed with your destiny then," he smiled and nudged her with his elbow, "it'd be a shame for you to work so hard and then him not accepting your part in everything." Merlyn nodded and snorted humorlessly at the thought - yeah, what if the prince would not accept her? The thought was frightening to say the least, but it was a real possibility.

"Yeah. Let's just hope Uther hasn't poisoned his mind completely," she mumbled, suddenly remembering what she had tried to ask the knight. "Speaking of that, why _aren't_ you screaming monster by now and sending me to the pyre? I thought everyone in Camelot hated magic." Leon frowned at the words, staring at his hands. Even just after finding out, the proud knight had been fine with the revelation, only asking if Merlyn ever used her powers while fighting. Of course, he had looked mildly disappointed when Merlyn assured that the fighting skills were all her.

"Hm. Well, I've never understood how some people could be wholly evil only because they have a gift that others don't. Sure, I've seen magic used for evil my whole life, but sometimes I've seen the good too," he started to explain, "like when I was about nine or ten summers, a year after The Purge began. Actually, it was only a week after Uther had managed to capture the Great Dragon. I had been hiding from my mother because she wanted me to help around the house. I was too young and _sort of_ arrogant to understand, why the I had to do anything when we had servants." Merlyn hummed at him. It was weird hearing that the noble Leon has ever been arrogant in anyway.

"Anyway, I had gone to the woods. I was in training then, but I was too young to have a sword of my own yet. So, when I got lost and surrounded by a few brutes, I had no way of defending myself. The men seemed to realize that I was a noble and wanted to kidnap me for ransom. Luckily they never managed to do anything, when a man appeared from the woods. I had not seen him before and I don't think I've seen him since. He had a sword, but he had to use magic too to get all of the bandits. Then, he healed my knees because I had fallen earlier while trying to find my way home," Leon had a distant look in his eyes when he told the story.

Merlyn found herself wondering, where that man was now - someone else who had used their magic for good! It was rare these days, when every magic-user seemed to have a vendetta against Camelot. Sure, there were bound to be a few good ones, but when you have fought and killed nearly more sorcerers in the seven months she had lived in Camelot than sorcerers and mundane people ever before, Merlyn had begun wondering if she was the only one.

"I never got the chance to thank him properly. Being so young and scared as hell doesn't make any words sound coherent. I only remember him telling that he was in a hurry, gave me a direction where I needed to go and then he left. Before he could disappear, I asked his name so I could thank him some other day, but I never saw him again," Leon didn't sound pleased about the fact. Merlyn turned to him.

"So, what was his name? I don't think that I'll know him, but if I ever meet him I'll thank him for you," she promised smiling. Leon hummed and glanced at her.

"I don't think you will, he's probably dead by now. If Uther knew about him, he would have chased him across the land to kill him. But I'll never forget his name, for he was the one who got me to question the law," Leon smiled now as he looked at the sky, "his name was Balinor."

The name triggered something in Merlyn's memory and made her heart flutter for some reason, but she could not place it. She frowned and tried to dig around her head - she was sure she had heard the name before but could not for the life of her remember where. "Ah, well, doesn't ring a bell," she eventually said and patted Leon knee, "but if he's still alive, I'm sure you'll get to thank him again." Leon smiled gratefully and they fell in to a comfortable silence for almost an hour before the warrior sighed and asked if they should ride back already as the sun was setting fairly quickly already. It was still summertime, so it would not get completely dark, but even with her magic, it would be dangerous to stay out for too long. Merlyn might be able to save them with her talents, but even she could tire quite quickly - especially when the day had been such a disaster.

"Have you heard the rumors, Leon?" She asked, when the gates became visible. The thought had been nagging on her brain for quite a while. Leon made a confused noise, so Merlyn smirked a bit and shrugged, "there's a rumor going around that you and I have something going on between us." 

Annoyed, the knight scoffed and shook his head strongly, as if to cleanse his mind from the thought. "Yes, I've heard it, and yes, I do think it was because of Gwaine." Merlyn laughed loudly at his grumbling and spurred her horse to go faster, daring the knight to race her the same time.

Even though it was getting a bit late, there was still a lot of people milling around the courtyard. Merlyn saw the prince there too, currently talking to Hugo and Jonas. He stopped mid-speech when Merlyn and Leon dismounted their horses, glaring at them with so much anger that it actually made Merlyn shiver a bit. But most of it was directed at the knight behind her, and when Merlyn glanced at Leon, she saw the man staring intently at his feet and biting the inside of his cheek with so much force Merlyn was a bit worried it might make a hole. "What's going on, Leon?" The witch demanded after looking between the men for a moment. Leon's eyes flung to her, but he just shrugged tightly and stomped off to the direction of his chambers, leaving Merlyn behind completely baffled. She noticed Arthur still staring at her, but she only sent a blazing look at his direction before walking off too.

There was no logical reason for Arthur to be like that, not in her mind at least. Maybe the two had had a fight, and not it was manifesting itself with all the glaring and Leon's awkwardness? But what could even do that; the men had been close ever since Merlyn came to Camelot. She hadn't even seen those to talk to each other since they had gone to hunt the Questing Beast and even then they were only orders, so it couldn't be that. For a moment, Merlyn's mind went back to the sight of Arthur lying on the ground all pale and bloody, and then to him sprawled on his bed sweating and muttering incoherent words after getting the cure. Merlyn had not admitted it to even herself back then, but she had felt like only the sight of him in such bad condition had made her feel empty and dying too, even without the fact that she had thought she'd actually die. But the fact that the woman had been so ready to lay her life for Arthur was baffling - what made her feel like that? It couldn't just be the destiny they shared, or even their friendship - the friendship that seemed to be over now for some bloody reason… _again._ It was like neither of them could hold the peace up between them, as it always went the same way; either Merlyn was angry and moody because of her past or her job or her destiny, or Arthur was acting like a prat because of  _something idiotic he never told her about_ or because of Gwen.

Sure, Arthur was a good person and would be a great king one day, but Merlyn had never felt such a connection and protectiveness toward anyone. The truth was, that she _did_ find bad things about the man when she really thought about, but… they didn't matter to her. Arthur was _Arthur_ , the arrogant piece of _shit_ who thought too much of himself and made her life way too hard sometimes, but he was still a kind, caring, fun man who made Merlyn's days so much better when he was in a good mood and not sulking like now. At first the witch had thought it was actually only because of the destiny, two sides of the same coin and so on, but that could not explain the fact that she had started to notice some more specific things about him - like when he was really happy about something his eyes would look like they were shining with an inner light or when he was mad his biceps would twitch without him even doing anything, or when he was enjoying her company he had a constant smile on his face even if he tried to act annoyed, or when he was thinking of a battle plan he would rub the bridge of his nose and stand there with a hand on his hips. Those little things were not something she should be paying attention to, but here she was. It was strange for her because Merlyn had lived almost literally her whole life not giving a rat's ass about people, then comes Arthur who occupied her mind completely.

As Merlyn arrived to her room, she dismissed Margaret almost immediately to have some space for just herself. She asked the maid to take out the dishes away tomorrow morning when she took out the breakfast plates too and gave her to rest of the night off. If she remembered correctly, the girl's mum was ill so she could take the time to take care of her instead of Merlyn, who rarely even needed her at nights. After the maid was gone, Merlyn tipped her bathtub in front of the fire and magically filled it with warm water, lit the fire and firmly decided to soak in the tub so long that she'd hopefully wrinkle like an old grape.

And she really would have done it, if her senses had not gone all haywire all of a sudden - if always happened when her gut said that Arthur was in danger. Hastily, she scrambled up from the bath, dried herself with a simple spell and pulled on the dark green tunic and brown leather pants Margaret had left for her. It was lucky that she had her magic, so tying the black corset over the tunic was done in two seconds. Sword in hand, she tiptoed out of her room using the door Margaret always used when coming in the mornings. It led to a narrow corridor connecting to a series of staircases the servants used to move around the castle faster. Merlyn had used it to get out of the castle easier, so she knew what door to use to end up on the other side of the corridor her own chambers and Arthur's were in.

It was quite dark, but she still saw the figure creeping towards the prince's door. They were dressed in a black cloak with the hood pulled up to cover their face, but Merlyn saw a quick glimpse from a blade hanging on their hip. As quietly as she could, the warrior sneaked after the person, recognizing it barely as a man, solely based on his height and build visible under the cloak. She could not see their face, but at least he had no familiar aura of magic oozing out of him so it was not Mordred or any other sorcerer. Before the stranger could even touch the handle of the prince's door, Merlyn sped to catch him and with a firm movement of her arm clashed the hilt of her sword against the back of the man's head. He went unconscious immediately, landing on his front with his long, strongly built limbs sprawled all around. The witch stifled a snort - _not so stealthy as you thought, huh?_ Squatting next to the man, he briefly wondered where the guards were because Arthur's chambers were never left unguarded. Maybe they thought Merlyn was enough for a moment? Or maybe the almost-assassin killed them?

Humming a bit annoyed now, Merlyn nudged the man's shoulder to check that he really was dead to the world. As she saw no reaction of any kind, she pushed him to his back. At the sight of his face, Merlyn's mind blanked. Her heart felt like it could burst any minute now, her breathing quickened and tears sprung to her eyes. Not even hesitating, she placed her hands on his frame and muttered the teleportation spell she knew but rarely used as it always made her too tired - but now Merlyn just had to get away as soon as possible.

The only sign of their disappearance was a fluttering torch hanging on the floor and a faint sight of a fading whirlwind.

 

***

 

It took the man hours to wake up finally. Merlyn had brought them to a small clearing between the trees near the Valley of the Fallen Kings, because none of the patrols ever had the guts to go near it. She had lit a small fire and secured their surroundings with wards, that would hide their presence and keep intruders away. She had lain the man on his back to the other side of the fire, eyes securely trained on his still form. The only sign of life was the steady rise and fall of his toned chest and the subtle flicker of his eyes moving under the eyelids. She remembered all too well the last time they had seen each other, the pain and horror that came from it and just could not believe the chances. Merlyn was close to abandoning him there though as her courage seemed to vanish little by little and going back, already actually leaving when she heard him move. The witch stayed in the shadows and just watched how he slowly took in his surroundings, utterly confused as he rubbed the spot she had hit.

"So you're alive then, huh?" Her voice sounded behind his back and made the man jump up, hand going to his sword that was not on his hip. The dark brown eyes roamed over the woods but never saw her as she blended so perfectly between the woods and darkness.

"Who's there?" He called, voice filled with terror. That's when Merlyn stepped to the light produced by the fire and watched how his eyes widened at the sight of her. While she had no armor or all her weapons, the man knew her and knew her skills - all of them. "…Merlyn?" He whispered her name so quietly it almost drowned in the crackle of the fire.

The witch tilted her head as a greeting, but never let her eyes leave him. "Hello Lancelot." The man she had believed dead for almost two years, who she thought she had killed and who _still_ now stood there in front of her, took a hesitant step forward but jerked a bit back when Merlyn raised her hand as a sign to stop. "What are you doing here?"

She heard him scoff as he threw his arms up. "What am I doing here? I have a _job_ , you know that perfectly well. A job you apparently either poached from me or just stopped for the fun of it," he grumbled and turned his back to her. The anger he almost managed to suppress had no affect on Merlyn, not on the outside at least. "And what are you doing here?"

Merlyn snorted as she walked forward and forced the man to sit on a log lying nearby. "I'm the one asking the questions here," hissed the warrior, looming over her once-friend with her arms crossed. "How are you still alive?"

Lancelot raised a brow at her. "We did have healers. And Mordred. That should answer it enough." The way the man spoke made Merlyn bristle on the inside - as if he had a reason to be mad at her?! Sure, she had almost killed him, but so had he,  _twice!_

"It says nothing about why he sent you to Camelot when he knows I live there," she retorted with her own raised eyebrow and saw clearly how the look of anger changed into a look of confusion. "Yeah, I live in Camelot. I have a life there, working for the kingdom."

"So?" Lancelot scoffed after a few minutes of silence, the familiar assassin side of the man coming forward. "You left us, you have no say in our jobs. The kingdom you work in? You know better than anyone how bad of a place it is."

That made Merlyn sigh heavily as she crouched in front of the man. "You're still mad about me leaving, aren't you? Look, I can-"

"Of course I'm angry!" The man suddenly exploded, cutting her off and stood up, almost pushing Merlyn to the ground. " _You left me_! You left and didn't even take me with you! I thought we were _friends_ , Merlyn! But no, you just leave and kill almost half of us, and then you come and try to order me around like before, while you just prance around with your precious _prince_ and the rest of us have to stay to work for Mordred!" The whole time Lancelot was yelling, Merlyn stayed in her couching position and just stared at the ground. She was already so ashamed of what she had done, it never really left her mind but to hear her friend say those things?

"I have no choice but to stay Merlyn. Don't you know that?" He continued, now stepping closer and forcing Merlyn to get up and step back. "Go live your life if it's so much better and easier and-

But now it was Merlyn's turn to cut his words off. Her anger flared up stronger than she thought it would. "How _dare_ you accuse me of not taking you with me?!" The warrior screamed and shoved the man backwards. Lancelot tripped as the log was right behind his legs and fell to his back. Merlyn walked over him, eyes blazing faintly gold and her whole body trembling. "Do you remember when just two days before I left, I was nowhere to be seen? Gregor had me locked up for _weeks_ , starving, beaten and alone! My magic didn't work because the only cuffs we had were the once stopping magic from working! I was alone, and you _never_ came to save me! You didn't even _visit_ me while I was there, and I _know_ you knew where I was!" Lancelot was paling rapidly the more Merlyn spoke, but she didn't even care about his fear when the gold in her eyes came more visible by the second. "When I was trying to escape, do you know what I was doing when you found me? I was looking for _you_ , you _idiot_! But you scared the hell out of me just after Gregor tried to plunge a damn _dagger_ at my chest!"

Merlyn had to catch her breath for a moment, as the words just seemed to pour out of her, but did not let Lancelot speak before she was done. "And you think my life is _easy?!_ I almost died, _twice_ because of the dagger _you_ threw at me! I ran and slept under the stars and lived with Saewig for _eight months_ barely eating _anything_ or seeing _anyone_. I got a job at Camelot out of sheer luck because I saved the king and his daughter, and then I tried to build a life there! But then... Then I find out that the King of my destiny is none other than _prince Arthur of Camelot_! I save him over and over again, almost die every time _AND I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO!_ " Her voice was becoming more frantic and her magic was slowly getting out of control with her emotions - a wind was picking up around them, throwing Merlyn's open hair everywhere and she swore she felt even the earth shake under her feet.

"I'm alone but happy, I'm content to being alone and a constant shadow protecting everyone, but now I'm actually starting to be friends with people in this kingdom! I'm starting to be really happy! But do you know what happened next, huh? Next, Mordred starts to leave _bodies_ for me to find, taunts and stalks me, and when I find him, he rants about bringing back the _old_ Merlyn we both know, the one I tried _so_ hard to lock away and never be again, but I know he has a plan, I know he loves that girl and she's _RIGHT THERE_ , just beneath the surface and I'm just so tired of trying to keep her away so I can finally fulfill everything I've dreamed of and…" she falters then as the wind was already blowing so strong it made the trees around them bend and the fire she had lit earlier had snuffed out. The gold in her eyes never left, not before she felt a faint touch on her shoulder. The golden gaze snapped to the figure next to her, dark brown eyes so sympathetic and apologizing that it made her slump on the ground on her knees.

A pair of strong arms tried wrapped around her shoulder in a way that was so familiar from her past, the past that made her almost cry every time she mentioned of even thought about it, but she forced them off. "Don't you dare to touch me," Merlyn growled low, sounding much more like a beast than a person. "You stay the _fuck_ away from me and Camelot."

"W-what?!" Lancelot chocked as he scrambled up from the ground. He only backed away completely when Merlyn's head snapped up to meet his eyes, her own blazing gold again - but this time, instead of a emotional golden hue, it was a powerful, brutal tint that seemed to drill to his soul.

" _Stay away from Camelot_ ," she repeated, slowly getting up from the ground. "You clearly have no idea what I've been doing and what I will have to do. I know you remember how even you wanted me to find my King, and now I have and I will not hesitate to stop  _anyone_ trying to come at him." The warning was clear in the witch's voice and it made Lancelot visibly pale and back off more. Merlyn waved her hand a bit, making the man's sword and bag appear in front of his feetfrom where she had sent them when he had been unconscious.

"I… I thought we could be friends if we ever saw each other again," whispered Lancelot just as Merlyn was about to chant the teleportation spell again. Her hands were already raised, but she paused as the man spoke. "If.. If I had know that you live in Camelot, that you're close to the prince… that he's the one, I would have _never_ taken the job."

"Friends don't leave each other to rot in a dirty, dark cell just after they had gotten a bit better," she retorted pointedly. Sure, Merlyn saw the regret clearly on his face, but it made her anger only worse. The escape had been chaotic and while she had tried to save Lancelot too, there had been no time. If the man really thought Merlyn would risk her own life or her freedom just because he did not have the guts to leave too, he was very wrong.

Merlyn cold, now blue gaze turned momentarily to the man. "You should have _never_ stayed there," she sneered, disgusted. _"Bedyrne ús! Astýre ús þanonweard!"_ A dark whirlwind surrounded her as she thought of the tallest tower of the castle. She knew no one would be guarding them, so it was a safe place to go. Her eyes flashed before the spell took her there and time slowed time for a moment - Merlyn turned slowly to look at Lancelot. The man was frozen in place, but his expression said it all; it was like seeing her own face when she thought the man had died. The witch let her eyes close then and time start again, letting the whirlwind whisk her away.

 

***

 

Merlyn did not sleep that night anymore and it showed when she joined the training the next day. To Leon, she just said she had met a ghost from the past, and to Gwaine, she said that she was hangover as hell after downing a pincher filled with wine on her own. Arthur never came to ask, and she never went to him. She spent most of the training hacking up the practice dummies that had been just replaced, taking out her frustration on them. Without meaning to, she even yelled at Leon who only tried to ask what was really going on. Briefly, she heard how Arthur went to his second in command - for the first time in weeks - to ask about Merlyn, but didn't hear the knight's answer. And was actually glad about it, as her anger flared even more by just hearing how the prince tried to ask around about her without coming to _her_ specifically.

Merlyn knew perfectly well that she had been a bit unreasonable with Lancelot. She had been so over the moon at first about him being actually alive and well, but then the realization of him just… staying there. No one had forced him to stay there but never had he even tried to leave, even when Merlyn knew Lancelot wanted an honest life, without killing for money. When Merlyn had escaped, she had really tried to find him to take him with her, but then… well, then she almost killed the man. The situation had been such a chaos that Merlyn had no chance to stay and help him, if she did not want to get killed too. But she always thought that if she left, maybe Lancelot would eventually do it too. And even with all his cruelty and magic, Mordred was not completely ruthless - he would have let Lancelot leave. He had been helping a lot of people out of there, but he had hated Merlyn so much by then that he had ratted her out, just for the fun of it. He had wanted to keep Merlyn there, as he had been in the process of trying to coerce the darkness out of her again.

Without her even noticing, the training grounds had emptied, even Leon and Arthur had left her there without a word. Though, she cared not as her mood seemed to be stretched so tightly that even one wrong word could sent her to a raging fit. As much as she wanted to just take it out on someone, she really didn't want to lose her job over it. So, Merlyn stayed there alone for almost two hours after everyone else, but only spent the first hour still hitting the dummy - the second one was spent lying on the grass with her eyes closed and just trying to relax a bit. But that went to hell when a shadow spread over her.

"G'away," the warrior grumbled and threw her arm over her eyes. "I don't need any pity from you, Leon."

A snort that was definitely not Leon's came from over her. "Do I _look_ like Leon, Merlyn?" Morgana giggled as she gracefully knelt on the ground next to the witch who just huffed and said nothing. "Are you all right?"

Sighing, Merlyn threw her arm to the side and shook her hear tiredly. "What ever made you think I wasn't?" She mumbled drily with a sideways glance at the princess who pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Just a lot of things swirling in my head like a damn whirlwind, so I'm in a bit of a mood." Funnily enough, the mood didn't seem to extent to Morgana. Perhaps it was just the fact that Morgana was the only girl close to her right now and had magic too, but she was the only one Merlyn had no intention of snapping to.

"Care to share?"

Locking her eyes to the bright blue sky, Merlyn went silent for a moment. She could not really tell the princess everything about Lancelot, but the girl already knew something about him and her past with Gregor's group. "Do you remember when I mentioned the man, who was the one who was like a brother to me at the end of the day, even when we had been a bit more sometimes?" She saw Morgana nod slowly, recalling their first real conversation months ago. "Well, it appears that he's not so dead I thought he would be."

Morgana let out a gasp at her words, leaning forward to the warrior. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, that he was supposed to be dead like most of the people from where I escaped," explained Merlyn and rubbed her eyes tiredly. "He stayed there, in that place. I always thought that if he survived, he'd leave as soon as possible but… I saw him yesterday. And he was doing… bad things, or at least trying but I stopped him and ordered him to leave before I actually killed him this time." It was too late for Merlyn to realize that she had slipped a bit too much. Morgana's eyes widened when she connected the stories Merlyn had told the girl.

"Y-you…" Before the princess could even try to finish her question, Merlyn sniffed as the tears threatened to gather in her eyes.

"Yeah…" she answered with a silent sob. "When I left there, I tried to find him. It was all so chaotic and awful that when he appeared, I thought he was someone else, so I…" The witch couldn't even finish her sentence, but she didn't have to. She heard a quiet shuffle as the princess moved closer and placed her hands on Merlyn's cheek and left hand that was resting on her stomach, stroking them softy. The comforting attempt was a sweet gesture, but it did nothing to banish the brutal, burning pain she felt in her chest from just a memory.

Eventually, Merlyn scrambled up from the ground and muttered some kind of an apology to the princess before hurrying to her chambers. The past was painful and difficult for her for a reason, as it contained mostly just bad choices, terrible people or death. Oh, so much death. There was Lancelot, who she had abandoned without knowing it, Mordred who had at first been a friend but then an enemy as their interests were so different in the end, her parents who were most likely dead, her kidnapper, all those people she had killed… just too much for one person. That was why when Merlyn reached her chambers, she actually screamed out loud as she threw her weapon at the wall and smashed her fist against it just a second later. The physical pain had never made anything better, but at least it made her forget her memories for a moment.

But that moment never lasted long enough, and soon as she was lying face down on her bed, the past came to haunt her once more. But once again, the thoughts were about Mordred - her greatest regret, the man she could've helped if she had tried harder - or even thought about helping him. When Merlyn had been dwelling in the darkness she had now locked away, she and Mordred had been close. Very close actually _._ After meeting Gwaine and almost being raped, after knowing Lancelot for years and seeing how he remained good even with the things they did and then her dreams, Merlyn had changed and Mordred too - but in his case, he had plummeted deeper in the pit Merlyn had dragged herself away from and she had been too preoccupied with her own soul that the warrior had forgotten the druid completely, and when she had... well, it had been too late. She had been nearly sixteen when she had finally gotten the man off her back - or so she thought. Now the druid was once again trying to get her, or maybe the man never gave up. After Merlyn's escape, she had pushed the last of her dark ways to the cage in her mind and vowed never to be that person anymore, never to descend to that level of evil ever again - but now that people, _ghosts,_ from her past came back to her while living in Camelot, it was getting extremely hard to keep her composure. It was bad enough to see the best person from that time she failed completely, but to see her worst mistake too? It was _hell_.

 

**A**

 

The reports were endless. Arthur had a feeling that someone was messing with him, as they seemed to triple their number every time he went somewhere even for a few minutes. His eyes were growing tired of trying to read the same things over and over again, as the knights all needed to give their own recounts of things happening on patrols. He had to give Merlyn some credit as her reports were always the most interesting to read - she never monotonously about her doings, but about everyone. If one of the knights had made a mistake, or if someone had some trouble in their footwork or style, how to get them to improve and so on. She was thorough and wrote the longest reports from all the knights even when she didn't really have to, but at least Arthur stayed awake while reading them. But today, he was mostly drowned in his thoughts. Arthur had been regretting his possessive, jealous behavior for days now and but had no way to stop it. Everyone seemed to notice how his moods when from hell to heaven in a blink of an eye, as his mind changed like that too when the regret or anger came. It was a wonder that Merlyn had not beaten him to crap right about now. He really should try and learn to keep his emotions in control, if he wanted to be a good leader and king one day - if he directed everything at Merlyn just because he could not have her, how would the kingdom fare if he could not do and have what he wanted then? Arthur needed to talk to someone, soon. To figure out what to do with Merlyn and his feelings for her.

"Arthur?" The prince startled from his thoughts as he heard Morgana's voice suddenly call from the open door. "Do you have a moment?"

Eager to push the paperwork out of his mind, he waved the girl over. "Yes, please, come in. I need a break from all this," he eyed the piles and piles of parchments in front of him with a deep loathing. Morgana snickered at his anger a bit, but it didn't wash away the worried, almost sorrowful look from the princess' face. "What's wrong?" It was times like these that his older brother instincts pushed to the front of his mind - seeing his baby-sister so sad and almost scared was something no man wanted to see.

Hesitating only a moment, Morgana rounded the table to stand closer. "It's about Merlyn," whispered the girl, "have you talked to her?" Wincing, Arthur shook his head. No, he hadn't talked to Merlyn for days, maybe even for a week not. Well not properly at least - the ordering and arguing did not count as 'talking' in his mind. And she had seemed to be a bit preoccupied with something today, so the prince had thought that giving her some space would be the wisest thing to do.

Morgana looked a bit annoyed as she sighed. "I really need you to be careful with her. There's a lot you don't know, or even a lot that I don't know about her and her past, but…" swallowing, Morgana glanced at the ajar door and lowered her voice even more, "she's in a lot of pain right now. Just promise me you'll go easy on her, OK?"

"What is going on with her, then?" He asked. His sister bit her lip tightly, like to keep herself from blurting everything out and the man sighed heavily. "Look, I won't tell anyone. Or tell her that you told me. You know I would never hurt her intentionally, so I really need to know what I'm supposed to avoid."

Morgana nodded slowly and moved a bit to lean against Arthur's desk. "I saw her scars when she was attacked by Sophia and Aulfric. You remember it, right?" Arthur winced at the memory, but nodded. He still felt guilty even thought he knew he had been enchanted. "Merlyn said I could ask about them, so I asked about a small one on her right side. I thought that because it was so small that the cause could not be so bad," she looked mildly embarrassed about it and made Arthur grimace a bit. He knew very well that a small scar could be a nasty one.

"She told me, that before she came here, she was involved with extremely bad people for years. She didn't say what made them bad, but I sort of understood that they weren't just thieves or anything like that. She had just turned eighteen and decided to escape, and had been planning it apparently for some time. Someone had been awake when she tried to sneak out and alerted the others," Morgana remembered the story all too well because she had then realized that even though Merlyn seemed so strong and cold, she had been through a lot.

Arthur was shocked. What had happened to the girl? Why would she be with bad people? Was that the reason she had not wanted to get involved with anyone when she had moved here? 

_…I don't get involved in people, if I can help it…_

_…I've learned my lesson on trusting others too easily. It only brings forth death and misery…_

Morgana's voice pulled him back again. "Merlyn said she had to fight her way out... kill people she had considered as family. But before she was in the clear, someone threw a dagger at her that pierced her side. It got infected and it took her four days to get treatment," she finished the story with a silent sob. Arthur could understand how she felt. Merlyn had become a close friend to both of them - more to Morgana as she didn't try to actively push Merlyn away - so hearing something like this was worrying. "She said that even though she hated the place, the people were like family. And… if I understood correctly, there was a special someone there too. Just a few hours ago, Merlyn told me that the man was thought to be dead but had appeared here. She had thought she had killed him." Arthur mind connected the dots surprisingly easy - _Lancelot_. It could not be anyone else. Merlyn had been so broken when she had been engulfed with her memories, pleading for forgiveness from Lancelot. It was not just grief from losing someone, it was grief from _killing_ someone. That too was a familiar thing for Arthur, in a way.

"It's good to hear that things I say get told around," a harsh voice sounded from the open door Arthur had completely forgotten. Morgana spun around and saw Merlyn standing there, staring at them with eyes blazing furiously. Her eye was twitching and left hand gripping the hilt of her sword tightly.

Morgana gasped and backed away, hand on her mouth. "Oh, Merlyn, I-I'm so sorry, I.. I didn't…" she sobbed, but the warrior just lifted her hand to silence her.

"Don't even start," she sneered and threw a furious look at the princess. "I told the story to you and Gaius only because I trusted you, and here you are, spreading it to your _brother_." Merlyn's blazing blue eyes locked on Arthur's own. At least the prince had the decency to look ashamed but that did nothing to calm Merlyn down. She scoffed and stormed out of the room, with the doors banging close loudly behind her.

Morgana turned to her brother, eyes glinting with tears. "Oh, I really messed up now, didn't I?" She whispered. Arthur let out a heavy sigh and pulled the princess to his arms for comfort.

"I think we both did," he mumbled in her hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, Lancelot is alive! Fancy that, who would've known?! But sadly their relationship might not be so good after all.
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Oh, and I shamelessly stole a look from Pinterest that I think shows pretty well what I think Merlyn looks like with the armor-jacket and all her normal getup! Just try to imagine it without the cloak and, well, the magic going on :D I saw this ages ago, before I even started to write this
> 
> https://fi.pinterest.com/pin/451485931391745534/


	15. The jousting tournament

Arthur had found out that some of the knights were letting him win while jousting or doing other practices. He had been yelling like a crazy man at them while Merlyn stood in the sidelines just listening. She had never let the man win, not even to please him when he was in a bad mood and now she was just pleased once more that her training and duties did not include jousting. It was not like her, so hearing that some of the men actually did let him win was a surprise. She knew for a fact that Gwaine was not one of them, at least based on how the knight had to bite his tongue to keep his snickers silent. Merlyn felt a bit bad for Leon, but it was his own fault to be honest - why let someone win when they could very well win on their own too? Even the prince needed real practice if they expected him to lead armies and a mighty kingdom one day - a man only thinking he was the best was no fit leader.

Things between them were strained. A week had gone by after she had heard Morgana tell the man about her secrets, a week of the royal siblings jumping every time the warrior walked in the same room with them. It was quite satisfying to be honest - Merlyn hated gossipers and had no sympathy for them. But she still had a soft spot for the princess, so she had gone to visit the girl yesterday. Morgana had been devastated about what happened and almost begged Merlyn to forgive her. She had, after the princess had said that the only reason she had told her brother was that he could avoid saying anything stupid again. It was a sweet gesture, truly, but it could have been handled a bit differently. But at least she and the princess were speaking again - though Arthur had not been let go that easily. Merlyn was still mad because of his strange behavior after the Questing Beast, even when she was tired of this back and forth silence between them. The witch had made up her mind to speak about it, but had no idea when.

That night, the same day Arthur had found out about being let to win, he had surprisingly turned to Merlyn for help. He wanted to compete in the tournament in a disguise, but he needed a place to stay and a good excuse for his father. So, being the nifty woman she was, Merlyn had suggested that the king would think Arthur had gone to fight a monster somewhere and pretend that he left the kingdom - and she even got him a place to stay at Gwen's. The maid had been very flattered, even if a bit shocked, about the request. That killed two flies at one strike - Arthur got his chance to show his skills and even got to stay at the girl he was so besotted with. The knowledge of staying at Gwen's had made Arthur look very nervous, but at least he had not demanded another place. So, Merlyn asked Margaret to help Arthur to the maid's place that same night and to find a peasant to play the part of the knight. The maid had found a suitable man, who Arthur and Gwen tried to teach how to act like a noble. From what Merlyn heard - as she had said no to the request of joining them - the man, William, was an eager learner but a bit slow.

For the first day, Merlyn stayed away from the tournament grounds, just to see if Arthur even cared if she showed up. It was childish, but so was he. Morgana cared at least, because the princess came to the warrior's chambers in the middle of the jousts and tried to drag her there. Merlyn had no interest to go, so Morgana actually stayed with her. At first, their conversation was a bit strained due to the lingering awkwardness of the princess' gossiping, but then it moved once more to Lancelot.

"Can you tell me about him? Lancelot I mean," the princess asked timidly, biting her lip tight. A small, sad smile spread on Merlyn's face but she nodded slowly. Now that she knew the man was alive, she had no real problem telling about him more.

"He was, no, _is_ a good man despite the fact that he still lives with the people I wanted to get away from. He's kind, sweet and caring. He took me under his wing when I ran into their group back when I was only twelve, and he was almost sixteen. We were friends for a few years, until I was sixteen, before I… Hm. Well, let's just say I was maturing and… got interested about things. _Physical_ things to be exact." Morgana looked confused at first, but slowly the realization spread on her face as well as a deep red blush and Merlyn burst out laughing.

"So you were together?"

"Oh, _no_. Not like you think," the warrior snorted, still chuckling a bit. "As commoners and sort of _lowlifes_ like us, we did not have the same... _rules_ , like nobles and royals have. We were more free, and… I too had some agreements with men. Yes, _men_ , multiple of them. Four to be exact." Now Morgana looked positively scandalized and made Merlyn laugh again. Most of the commoners too waited till marriage, but Merlyn had never been one to follow rules. She liked sex and would not even try to lie about it. What was not to like? And after a certain nasty incident, Merlyn had learned a spell to make sure she would not get pregnant by accident, so there was really nothing to worry about.

It must have been a strange topic for the princess, as her interest seemed to peak even more. "And, uh… was he your first?"

Merlyn shook her head slowly, still a small smile on her face. "No, he was not. My first time was when I was almost fourteen with another. That man is… terrible. He wasn't then, at least I didn't think he was but now? I'm really trying to stay away from him."

"So what happened then when you saw Lancelot again?" Merlyn heard Morgana ask next and made Merlyn sighed heavily lean against the backrest of her chair.

"It was obvious that he had not given up the lifestyle, so I said that he could not go near Camelot or me ever again," said Merlyn with a thick lace of bitterness and sorrow in her voice. She ran a hand through her open hair, eyes gazing somewhere in the distance. Morgana muttered an apology but the witch did not really acknowledge it in anyway. Merlyn had a really bad habit of getting angry too quickly and staying that way too long. If she was a more relaxed, nice person she might have forgiven Lancelot right away, and maybe her friendship with Arthur would be easier too. Lance was a kind, forgiving man to the bone, but her and Arthur… They were too similar, too stubborn and too _proud_. It was a bad thing for them to be friends really, because every argument and every silence between them grew tenfold because neither of them wanted to be the first one to apologize. Usually that happened only when one of them had almost _died_.

"Do you know if Arthur is mad at me?" Merlyn almost whispered, eyes still lowered. "I really don't know what's wrong with me. Well, I do know _that_ actually," she chuckled bitterly, "but I don't know why I always take it on him and not Gwaine, or Leon, or even you." Merlyn could almost feel the sympathetic look on her from Morgana, but dared not to look up to her. She was too ashamed of her own behavior, and while she knew that Arthur too was to blame, Merlyn might be even more so.

"Have you thought that maybe Arthur is the _perfect_ person for that?" Suggested Morgana. Now Merlyn did look up, eyes filled with doubt. "He knows you are a strong person and that you know how to talk back to him, so he has the guts to take out his anger on you, and you obviously think the same of him. But isn't he always there when you are taking out your anger on the dummies? Doesn't he know when you have a bad day? And he always says that he wants to know your story, wants to be your friend? Gets angry when you leave without saying anything? Just think about those things, and you'll see it." And so she did. They were true in a way; the first time Merlyn had been killing the dummies, Arthur was there and had been ever since then actually. She had always wondered how it was only Thomas who bothered her when she was annoyed. And when she had gone after Mordred, Arthur was there to meet her too, worried to the bone and had seemed very sad after her cold behavior.

"Maybe I should talk to him then."

 

***

 

She and Morgana had talked a long time, mostly it had been just Merlyn listening to Morgana almost order the warrior to swallow her pride and apologize. It would take a lot of courage from Merlyn to accept her failures. So, that same night, Merlyn made her way to Gwen's house in the hopes of finding Arthur there and hopefully not interrupting anything between the two lovebirds. The thought of those two staying in the same place for days made Merlyn feel weirdly… well, just weird. Something was nagging at her brain when she thought about it, but she could not really put her finger on it and did not even recognize it in anyway.

A dark figure caught Merlyn's attention suddenly. The man was coming at her dressed in quite dark clothes that were a weird look on him. "Gwaine?" She raised a questioning eyebrow at the ex-rogue, who had a wide, but tight smile on his face. He waived a hand at her as he swaggered closer. For someone who knew the man well, his movements and the smile looked off, almost like they were forced.

"Hullo there princess," he greeted her, wrapping his arm around Merlyn's shoulder and leaning to place a kiss on her temple - but it never came, instead the man muttered; "we're being watched, so try to act natural."

Merlyn plastered a quick smile on her on face too and leaned in his touch. "Oh, _Gwainie_ , always such a charmer," hummed the witch, eyes darting towards Gwen's house. Gwaine was the only one who knew about Arthur's plan as he too had had no intention on joining the tournament. The knight saw her look, and nodded in such a tiny movement that no one farther away would not see it. "How 'bout a drink, good Sir?" Merlyn looped her arm around his left one as she heard him agree and then led their way to the tavern. In her mind, Merlyn was already forming a plan of how she would slip through the backdoor without being noticed by whoever was watching.

It did not take them long to get pints of ale in their hands and they even got a place from the far corner after asking very nicely. The previous customers, two quite young men, scurried quickly away after recognizing them as knights. The warrior turned her back to the crowd for a second. _"Ætswígan,"_ she whispered, turning just as the gold faded from her eyes and smiled again to the amused knight across the table. He was only just getting used to her actually using her magic so he was staring at her with wide eyes once again, but the spell was handy if they needed to speak freely without anyone actually understanding what they said. It was not keeping their voices away, but the words would not stick to anyone's mind. They would still need to act like the conversation was not something serious, just to keep people from suspecting anything.

"Handy that," Gwaine stated and gulped almost half of his tankard empty, eyes glinting with mirth but Merlyn had little patience for his jokes right now. Her impatient look seemed to be enough, because only a second later the man sobered and leaned back in his seat. "Right. Today at the tournament, there had been a man asking around about the prince and why was he not there. No one knew who the lad was, but they described a dark-skinned, bald tall man with a dark beard and silver earrings. Definitely not from around here, so I kept my eyes open for him," he told the warrior. Gwaine was a surprisingly good actor, as he kept his face light and smile wide the whole time, even laughing once in a while to act like he was telling a fun story. "But that was a whole lot of wasted time, because just two hours ago Leon and I found a guard dead in one of the alcoves near the prince's chambers. After that, I've been seeing someone following me around, but never close enough that I could catch them."

Merlyn brought her tankard to her lips as she too still smiled, crossing her legs under the table. "Do you think it's an assassin then?" She asked as Gwaine leaned forward and placed his hands on the table. Merlyn reached to him and took his right hand, playing idly with his fingers. "Or just a coincidence? It's not such a reach to think someone had it out with the guard." Gwaine brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it gently while he let his eyes dart to scan the crowd.

"What are the odds that one man is asking around about the prince and then a guard situated to his door ends up dead by another?" He asked with a sweet smile, rubbing his thumb on the back of Merlyn's hand. "Have you seen such things happen before?"

Now Merlyn's laugh was actually real. "Oh, _no_ , I have not. I was just hoping for the best," she responded and reached out to pat his cheek for a moment. "Do you think we should tell the king?"

Gwaine nodded as he leaned against her palm, but said, "no, I don't think so. He'd just raise hell because of it. If there really is an assassin, he'd just leave and come back later. But Arthur should know. You'll tell him, right?" Merlyn nodded slowly and pulled her hand away, looking towards the bar. The barkeeper gave her a cheerful smile and got one back too before Merlyn looked around, pretending to be  preoccupied with her thoughts but was observing the crowd. She saw just the regulars and a few knights that had been situated in the rooms the tavern had, because the castle was already full with visitors.

"I was just about to go there, when you found me but I don't want to lead anyone there," the warrior murmured and glanced back at her friend who now had a wicked smile on his face that Merlyn recognized quickly. "Do you think you'll be able to play along if I create a distraction?" It was useless to ask, she knew perfectly well that Gwaine was always ready to cause some trouble - except now he'd act like he was fixing it.

They rose from their booth and walked to the bar like they were getting another round of drinks. As Gwaine reached out to hand the bartender the coins, Merlyn turned slightly to watch the group of men drinking merrily almost in the middle of everyone. _"Áþiddan,"_ she whispered. Her eyes that flashed golden were safely behind her open hair. A huge, black-haired man stood next to the group of men with his back to them when he felt a strong shove on his back and almost fell face forward on the floor. He turned around bellowing furiously and shoved the other huge, bald man behind him backwards because he thought the bald one was the reason the he almost fell. Not long after that, they were already throwing sloppy, drunken punches at each other and there were others around them joining in. Gwaine shot Merlyn a look that said he was not really appreciating the fact that she had chosen the biggest men from there, but ran at them either way whilst yelling orders on the behalf of the king. Merlyn used the chaos as a cover to slow time and disappear out of the backdoor of the tavern.

She kept the time paused until she reached Gwen's house's backdoor, before letting it flow normally again and Merlyn got to breathe again. It was very hard to keep the time slow while running. _"Damn it,"_ she hissed, still slightly breathless as she raised her fist to knock on the door. But she froze with it still raised, when she heard talking from inside the house. It was badly muffled and she was not really trying to eavesdrop, but some things were clear enough - the people talking were Arthur and Gwen, and Merlyn could hear her own name and Leon's name mentioned several times, and something about something being unfair and painful, and then something about the king. By then, Merlyn was getting nervous that the supposed assassin might be searching for her, so she knocked quickly and dashed in to the house. The conversation stopped when the knock was heard and when Merlyn walked to the small main room, she was greeted by nervous, wide eyes and stammered hello's.

"So, I'll, uh.." Gwen murmured, looking at Arthur quickly before lowering her eyes again and blushing furiously. "I'll be going now. Good night, My Lord." And promptly vanished to the street while Merlyn just stood there with her eyebrows raised high, eyes flicking between the door and Arthur, who was not looking at her.

"Where'd she go?" The warrior asked, momentarily forgetting completely her reasons for being there.

Blue eyes peered at her beneath Arthur's lashes, "she spends the nights with Morgana while I'm here. Her father is not here, so it would be… inappropriate, I believe that was the word she used."

"Oh. I'm sorry," Merlyn murmured and got a puzzled look back from the man.

"Why would you be?" He asked quickly, too quickly to be honest and made her snort. She walked forward to sit on the rough wooden bench next to the similar table.

She shrugged slightly, eyes roaming over the room that seemed to be almost everything in one - a kitchen, living area and a bedroom. There were two very small rooms that were separated with a ragged cloth, the other one was probably Tom's sleeping area and the other some kind of a changing and washing area. "I sort of asked Gwen to take you here so you could spend a bit more time together. I thought you might appreciate it as you have been quite close lately," she told him with a small smile but did not have the guts to actually look at him as the funny feeling came back again. She heard no answer from Arthur, but that was a relief actually as she remembered then why she had come there. "But I do have important news from the castle. Gwaine and Leon found a guard dead just a few hours ago. They believe we have an assassin somewhere lurking around, as they had heard of a strange man asking about you and about where you are. Gwaine also said that someone has been trailing him since the guard was found, so we created a distraction at the tavern so I could come here unnoticed."

"Has my father been informed?" The prince asked. His voice sounded a bit strained, almost tired and he wasn't even looking at Merlyn as she looked up. The man was sitting on the edge of the bed in the bigger area, leaning his elbows on his knees and staring intently at the floor. For a moment Merlyn was a bit worried that something had gone wrong between Gwen and Arthur. It seemed possible, at least based on the maid's strange exit.

"No," she sighed and let her head fall back as she closed her eyes for a moment. "He'd just cancel the tournament and then the assassin would come back later to finish the job he was given. I don't think he knows where you are, but I don't think you should be alone here, just in case he finds out you didn't really leave the city."

"I'll ask Leon or Gwaine-" the prince started, but was cut off by Merlyn who snorted loud and opened her eyes to look at the man.

"Leon has been called to guard your empty chambers, Gwaine is probably with Gaius right now and every other knight is trying to rest for tomorrow. You won't be able to find anyone… except me," she explained spreading her arms helplessly and then just sat there in silence biting her lip while the prince did the same with a thoughtful look on his face. He didn't look like the idea was somehow bad or anything - no, he looked almost happy. Well, truth be told Merlyn would be happy too if she could escape being trapped in a small house with Gwaine for hours. Finally Arthur nodded slowly and flopped on the small bed on his back, trying to find a good position. Merlyn had no intention of really sleeping. She'd be able to place some wards around the house to wake her up if a stranger was coming there, but she was already so wound up with everything that she was not really sleepy at all. So, the best option she could come up with was to move from the table to stand by the small window covered with a cloth and lean against the window.

The decision to speak with the prince about their friendship was still fresh in her mind, but there was no good way to start that conversation. How could one just go and apologize about being in a foul mood? They were both so bad with words when the topic was something other than insults. Fiddling with a strand of her long hair, she stared between the wall and the cloth to the dark street. There was no one moving around anymore, only one or two guards that were on duty but that was it. A skilled assassin could be hiding in the shadows, so a mostly dark house was a good place to hide and keep watch in. She placed the familiar wards around them while standing there with her back to Arthur to hide the gold of her eyes, adding a bit of extra protection just around him for that night. They would fade by the morning, so she would not have to worry about them anymore.

Arthur's hushed voice made her almost jump out of her skin as it suddenly rang through the silent house, "aren't you going to sleep?" The witch just shook her head and hoped he would see it in the faint light the few candles around the room gave them. She heard him move on the cot as it creaked loudly and grunt as he probably could not find a good position. It was a bit impolite from him to just take a bed that was clearly Gwen's - yes, Merlyn knew the man had not asked about it. He might have feelings for the maid, but he was still a privileged ass. "Are you still mad at me?"

Merlyn smiled slightly at the question and turned her head to the side, but didn't turn completely to him just yet. "Are you still mad at me?" She asked back. A small huff of laughter came from the bed as Arthur apparently sat up again.

"I was never angry, not really," he murmured. Merlyn turned around now with a doubtful raise of an eyebrow. "Fine, yes I was, but not at you. It… it was about the girl I told you about."

"I figured as much," she hummed, leaning her back against the wall and crossing her arms. Merlyn kept her eyes on the faint figure of the prince she could see in the shadowy corner where the bed was. "Then why were you taking it out on me?" She barely saw the man shrug, but did not see the quick glimpse he gave her.

The prince heaved a sigh as he stood up and started pacing around the small space there was left between the furniture. "I'm not really good at expressing… _feelings,_ " the word was said with a small shudder of his body and Merlyn laughed a little, knowing the feeling very well. "She still knows nothing. And now I think she has another, so my efforts are for naught." He was pouting sadly now, not even trying to hide the disappointment he was feeling and Merlyn felt really bad for him. As bad as he was for most of the time, Arthur deserved happiness.

"I'm sorry about that," she sighed and pushed herself from the wall. "And I'm sorry for being such an idiot. _Again_. I really don't understand why we can't keep peace between us for more than few weeks." Arthur huffed a laugh again and stopped in the candlelight now so Merlyn saw him better. He looked much older in the dim light as it cast dark, sharp shadows on his face. For a moment the witch felt like she was seeing the future king he was becoming - strong, majestic and impressive really. Someone who could unite the kingdoms and lead them to peace. Accepting his part in the prophecy had been easier after actually getting to know the man, and now she could not even imagine following and protecting anyone else. Faults aside, he was close to perfection. Or could be at least.

"Yeah, you and me both," Arthur grinned sheepishly and took a step to her holding his hand up. "Why don't we try and talk more from now on?" Smiling wide, Merlyn nodded and closed the distance between them to shake his hand. The touch sent a strange bolt through her body, making her stomach roll weirdly and her chest feel like it was about to explode from her rapidly beating heart. But the strangest things was the feeling of her cheeks warming up - Merlyn was very happy at that moment that the room was so dark so Arthur could not see it. It did make her pause for a long moment while holding the prince's large, warm hand. Was this just one more manifestation of their destiny, like their bodies recognizing each other or something? She'd have to ask Kilgharrah about these things, because they were driving the warrior slowly insane.

"Deal," she hummed as she let go of him, backing up to sit on the bench again. "I assume you want to hear about Lancelot from me directly?"

"Uh, yes. I would actually, if that's fine with you?" He murmured, sitting down next to her with his eyes solely trained on the floor again but was peeking at her from under his dark lashes.

"It's quite fine, actually. I've had some time to figure things out, and now that I know he's _alive_ …" she let the sentence trail, knowing Arthur would understand. "So, Lancelot was there in that place and we were really close. But when I escaped and was looking for him, he scared me and I… I hurt him, badly. There were people coming for me and if I had stayed, I would have been dead in seconds. I had no choice… I really thought that he'd leave too if he survived and would come find me, but he just _stayed_. So, when I saw him here of all places, I ordered him to stay away or I'd _actually_ kill him." The short meeting of her and Lancelot still haunted her minds from time to time, and she just wished he had not gone back there and that he'd understand her intentions.

"What was the place?" Arthur whispered and made Merlyn wince. Of course she had known the man would ask, but she was not ready to tell everything. But, eventually, she just sighed and slumped against the table with her eyes lowered. Telling the truth was the only solution for this, as Merlyn did not really want to outright _lie_ to Arthur.

"Have you ever heard of Gregor? A brutal, feared man from the North?" Merlyn asked quietly, voice shaking because of her nervousness. Arthur let out a small, agreeing noise and the former-assassin smiled bitterly. "He had a group of assassins who he had trained since children. Some since birth, some had been plucked from the streets after getting in trouble, some were bought from slavers… and some little girls just ran into them while escaping from their previous abductors." There was a long, silent moment while Arthur processed her words before he gasped loud and spun to her, but she did not even dare to look up. Merlyn just sat there defeated, completely accepting his judgment if there was any, his hatred or anger… but it never came, so she risked a peek at him. He did look furious, but not in a way that she should have been scared.

"You were an… _assassin?"_ Merlyn gave a tiny nod and swallowed thickly.

"Like Morgana told you, it was a bad place. I was there for six years before I could get away. I don't know what you've heard about Gregor, but whatever you know… it was _hundred_ times worse. Especially if you tried to disagree or rebel against his orders like I did in the end," her words were laced with such strong bitterness and anger that she noticed Arthur jerk a bit backwards, so she snorted at him and placed a hand on his forearm. "He's dead now. Killed by me, of course, when I was trying to get away."

The prince moved then, but only to turn completely to her and leaned a bit forward so he saw her face better. His expression was soft, with only a bit of anger mixed with worry in his eyes. "What happened to you there? What did you do, or what did they do?" He asked, but the warrior was already shaking her head and pressing her eyes closed to keep the tears of panic away.

"I-I really don't want to talk about it now," she almost choked out, "just believe me, whatever I did… I'm trying _so_ _hard_ to be a better person now. I will tell you, I will tell you everything someday when it's the right time or when I need to, but…" Merlyn's words faded out as a broken sob escaped her throat. Two strong arms came up to pull her into Arthur's chest, but she backed away shaking her head vigorously. "No, I… You sh-should sleep now. I'll be fine. I just hate being this emotional about this, but… I'll be fine." Her eyes were filled with unshed tears but she still saw through them how Arthur looked at her like he was about to start arguing. Fortunately he didn't, and after sighing he got up. He did squeeze her shoulder gently and Merlyn found herself leaning against the touch as the first tears rolled down. They spent the rest of the night without talking - Arthur on the bed with his back to Merlyn and eventually snoring silently, and the woman standing by the window again, shedding silent tears and praying that the details of her past would be received as well as her once being an assassin. And maybe one day, a witch too.

 

***

 

"Do you need any help with that?" Merlyn asked as walked to the tent reserved for 'Sir William'. Arthur was standing partly behind a changing screen, trying to get the laces and straps tied. They had not told George about Arthur's plan, so there was really no one that could help him with those.

It took him a bit of hesitation, but eventually Merlyn heard a grunt and footsteps when the slightly embarrassed prince walked closer. His chestplate was hanging loosely over him, and the other pieces of his armor were tied quite poorly. There was not much for a man to do himself when it came to armor. Merlyn was lucky enough that her battle wear did not contain any difficult pieces, so she could get everything on by herself. "I don't understand how you get that on without any help," Arthur muttered and gestured to the armor-jacket she had on before turning around. "I'm struggling with my gauntlets, and you strap on that contraption and your corsets and whatnot by yourself."

Merlyn snorted at him as she was pulling the straps on his back tighter. "It takes skill," she hummed, walking now in front of him and looked straight at the light blue eyes staring at her from above, "something people develop when they don't have everything done for them." Slender hands grabbed the piece that went on his shoulders and around his neck for protection, bringing it up and sliding it down over his head. When his eyes came to view again, he was glaring playfully at her.

"Any news of the assassin?" Merlyn shook her head and frowned, as she tied the straps on and moved to the breastplate. Her frowning had nothing to do with the work she was doing, but the thought of this assassin lurking around somewhere. There was a huge possibility, that the man was from Gregor's group, either working on Mordred's orders or someone else's, who wanted Arthur's dead. The list was too long to start thinking about, but the assassin himself… if only Merlyn could find him, see who they were dealing with and maybe she'd be able to remember how he worked and what to do to stop him. "Don't you have any… I don't know, _ways_ to find him?"

Merlyn's fingers stop moving then as she tried to process his words. "Ways?" She snorted and looked up. Arthur was staring right back with a raised eyebrow and a pointed look, that made a weird flash of anger take over. "So what, am I just an assassin to you now? Is that it?"

Looking alarmed, Arthur reached to grab her wrists before she could even think of moving backwards. "No, I…" he didn't seem to find any words to explain himself, so Merlyn just scoffed and ribbed her hands from his.

"You know, that is just one of the reasons I never wanted to tell you or anyone about the group. I didn't want to be labeled as _the assassin_ , I just wanted to be Merlyn," she grumbled, using a bit too much force when tying the armor pieces on. She noticed the prince wincing from the force once in a while, but he never said anything. "But if that's all I am, I'll go and be one now." And promptly left the man on his own. He could get everything else on just fine, and it seemed that he had no idea about how hurtful he had been. It was a honest mistake, Merlyn knew it, but it had been less than a day and Arthur was already thinking that all of them were the same. In some ways yes they were, but when you compare a woman trying to be better and a man trying to kill the prince, there really was no similarities.

The tournament grounds were buzzing with energy as the knights were preparing for the second day of jousting, the peasants and nobles were trying to find the best places to watch the jousts and also placing bets and trying guess who'd win. She heard how many of them were surprised of how the newest knights of Camelot had impressed them and how everyone was positive that 'Sir William of Deira' would probably win the whole thing. It took a lot of effort from Merlyn to keep from snickering when some noblewomen were swooning over how handsome and perfect the aforementioned man was. Oh, how they would be devastated when they found out he was only a farmer from the border of Camelot.

"Merlyn!" She heard a familiar voice call from near the royal box where Morgana and Uther were already sitting in. Leon waived her over with a small smile on his face. Merlyn made her way through the people to her friend. "The king has requested that you join him for dinner tonight." The warrior swore her jaw dropped to the ground after hearing the bluntly told information and heard how the knight burst out laughing seeing her face.

"Me?!" She gasped, eyes flicking to the king, who was in deep conversation with Gaius at the time. "Why? Wh.. huh?" Her mind flew straight to the bad things that could bring attention to her, but she brushed them away as soon as they came - Uther would not invite her to _dinner_ if she had been caught using magic for goodness' sake. She'd be in the dungeons first, or already going to the pyre by now.

Leon shrugged slightly at her bafflement, still smiling with huge amount of amusement. "I don't know. Morgana said something about taking advantage of Arthur not being here, but I don't know the reason for it," he mused, steadying his lance against the barrier of the tournament arena. It had been repaired after the wraith's explosion had destroyed most of the original one.

"Right," Merlyn coughed, feeling how her cheeks were slowly tinting pink from the nervousness. She was not normally nervous of seeing the king, or speaking to him but having dinner with the man alone? Well, that was a different situation all together. Gosh, why would Uther want to have dinner with her? After taking on the challenge of the black knight, they had not really even spoken if the short reports did not count. Uther had not even spared a glance at her, although she had heard from Gaius that he had been complementing her well-done duties now and again, and sometimes even asking how she had settled in the city. It seemed that Arthur's absence - or what Uther thought was him being away - was something the king had been waiting for. He did have a strange fondness towards the warrior, even Merlyn had noticed it.

"Have you seen anyone suspicious enough to be suspected as an assassin?" The sudden change of topic threw Merlyn in a loop for a moment as her mind seemed to be going in circles, but she managed to shake her head a bit. Leon hummed in annoyance at her response. "Well, keep your eyes open. Even when the prince is away, he should be caught before anyone else gets hurt because of a paid killer like him." The disgust in Leon's voice made Merlyn grimace slightly, but fortunately the man did not notice. She nodded and watched as Leon made his way to his tent to get ready for the first joust. Behind the tent, Merlyn saw a flash of dark clothing and a bald head disappearing between the peasants milling around.

 _"Son of a…"_ the witch huffed rolling her eyes and hurriedly ran to the direction where the figure had disappeared. She knew that man, oh yes, she knew him. Myror, the man who had taught Merlyn the tricks she knew now and one of the best in that group. Of course he would be given the job after Lancelot - also one of the best and one of Merlyn's teachers - had failed. It had been a bad thing for Myror to teach her, as it then promoted her to being the best of them at Mordred's side. Myror had held a grudge at Merlyn about it, and she was sure it had not changed anywhere. If the man had heard from Mordred of Merlyn's current job, he'd be more than happy to be the one trying to kill the prince. The point being in the word _trying_ \- she was still better, and had other motivation now other than money and just for the pleasure of killing these days.

But it did not matter that she had seen him, because there was just too many people and he had the advantage. Sure, Merlyn could try to use her magic but it was a huge risk there middle of all the people, and the first joust was about the begin. Merlyn huffed loudly and cursed, effectively scaring a timid-looking peasant woman next to her. Wincing, she apologized and ran back to the arena to keep an eye on the prince, just in case Myror knew about him still being in the city. It was a small hope for him not knowing, as he had probably been stalking Arthur for a few days now, but at least he did not know exactly where he was.

She found Gwaine near the entrance of the arena, donned in the red cape and armor that weirdly enough made him look more like a noble than a rogue drunk he was at heart. "I saw the man," she informed him quietly, so the people around them would not hear. "He's an assassin all right, and I know him all too well. His name is Myror, a brutal man, holds nothing back but sneaky as hell too. And he undoubtedly knows that Arthur is still here, he never strikes before watching the target for few days, but he knows not where he is. Let's just hope he won't find out." Gwaine nodded at her, eyes roaming around the crowd and the knights. One of the best things about Gwaine was that he could be so fine with her just saying she knew the assassin. She had hinted about her past a couple of times to him, and while he surely had figured it out, he had not even said anything. Same happened with her magic - he did ask about that, but never spoke of it if she did not start the conversation.

"D'you have any idea what he might do next?" The knight asked as he looked down to her. Merlyn was getting a bit annoyed with being the shortest one of the knights, even when she knew that usually came with being a woman but it always felt like they were looking down at her. Literally and metaphorically.

The warrior shook her head and sighed; "he never does anything the same way as before, always thinking of new things. He's not merciless, never takes his targets to be tortured if the orders don't specifically state it. Just makes sure there are no loose ends, and handles it as quickly as he can, then disappears." Gwaine looked as aggravated as she felt about the lack of knowledge they had, but at least they had something. Chasing a ghost would be a lot more difficult.

A round of trumpets rang then, announcing the first joust to begin. Sir Donald was facing a visiting knight that looked like he had already passed his best fighting years, but had that aura of power and confidence that made his seem stronger than he really was. The joust was surprisingly even, but eventually at the third and final round Donald was able to throw his opponent of his horse. Luckily the man did not injure himself badly, but was still escorted to Gaius' tent to be checked and Donald moved to forward to the next round. After them, there were seven pairs of knights, including Sirs Nicholas and Hugo, before it was Arthur's turn.

William had already made himself known before the jousts had begun, so Arthur rode to the arena with his helmet already on. He was riding Merlyn's horse, as he could not use his own if he did not want to be noticed. Saewig was not one to take orders from anyone but Merlyn, so just in case she had used a spell on him. The horse had gotten used to Arthur already, but one could never be too careful. She had also used a glamour to make Saewig's color a bit lighter brown and remove the white markings from him - only Gwaine knew whose horse it was. Arthur had just been grateful for it. Merlyn did not trust him on any strange horse, because they could be taught to thrown their rider off with a small order. Merlyn knew she was a bit paranoid when it came to the safety of Arthur, and berated herself about it - _he was not made of glass!_

He was facing Leon, and Merlyn knew the prince had been waiting for this, because Leon had been the one to let him go easy in training and angered Arthur. The prince was a proud creature and sometimes a bit too proud to be honest, but it came with the status. Even when he insisted that it was only because he could not be let to lead his men if he was not sure of his talents, Merlyn knew it was mostly to prove himself that he was good enough. Arthur might seem to be full of himself, but he had shown some insecurities during the time Merlyn had known him - the first one had been when Merlyn had beaten him in a duel. It was like he was trying to make sure he was the best he could be, make sure he trusted himself before he'd lead a kingdom and her people - and Merlyn was proud of him because of that. He was not thinking of himself only, but the people and their well-being.

What was strange about the joust, was that every time they rounded back to their own places it seemed like Arthur was looking at her before focusing back on Leon. But she wanted to be supportive and show that she trusted his skills, so Merlyn smiled back to him every time. It was not clear whether it was her confidence in him or just him finally trusting himself enough, but he was announced the winner of their joust. But one thing _was_ clear - Myror saw her smiles. The warrior saw him on the other side of the arena, eyes trained solely on her and realization dawning on his face. It made Merlyn curse silently, and disappear from the grounds before Gwaine could even react properly. She ran to Arthur's tent and waited for the man to come there too, pacing around the large area with a deep frown on her face.

"You need to be careful," she said immediately when Arthur came in. "I'll ask Gwaine to come to Gwen's house until I can come to spend the night there again. Gwen should be with Morgana again, just in case. I can't protect the both of you in case he comes and-"

" _Merlyn,_ " the warrior in question snapped out of her rambling and looked up to the prince, who was staring at her, confused as hell and holding her by the shoulder. "Slow down, breath and start from the beginning."

Taking a few deep breaths, she slumped to sit on a chair near her. "The assassin is a man called Myror. He was one of the people from Gregor's group and also one of those who taught me," she explained rubbing her face. "He holds a grudge against me for becoming better than him, so he would be the first one to take on the job if it came. Of course I don't know if it's a job or for his own pleasure, but… Anyway, I'm sure he knows you're here, but does not know where. So you need to be with me or Gwaine the whole time."

"So…" he hesitated a bit, "you know him?" Merlyn nodded to him, lowering her hands from her face and looked up apologetically.

"Yeah. We were close when I joined them, he and Lancelot began to teach me but when I just continued to improve, he started to resent me for it. He had been the best until then," she mumbled and leaned back against the backrest. "He efficient, but takes his time to strike. Myror never uses the same tricks, so I have no idea what he'll do though."

The prince took a moment to think about what she told him before he crouched in front of her with a sigh. "You are not responsible for it, you know that right?" He asked quietly. Merlyn just stared back blankly, biting the inside of her lip a bit.

"I _should_ know that," Merlyn eventually muttered, shifting in her seat a bit, "but seeing how after I came here there had been several people from that group trying to kill you, I'm beginning to doubt it. Like those five men who attacked you in the middle of the night a while ago? Yeah, they were from there too." Arthur pursed his lips a bit, out of words about the topic. What could he even say? It was a fact. Arthur might not know why, but it still was.

"So if this Myror is so dangerous, why are you making Gwaine protect me?" He suddenly asked and Merlyn had to stifle a snort.

"It seems that your father is taking advantage of you being away, so he invited me to have dinner with him," answered Merlyn with an amused grin as Arthur's face seemed to pale after hearing about it. "Do you know why?" She got no answer other than silent grumbling that sounded like curses and something about 'idiotic old men', and just laughed loudly at his embarrassment. It would be interesting to see what Uther wanted and even more interesting to later tell the prince about it if Uther said something about him too.

 

***

 

The guards situated before the dining hall opened the double door for her, as she walked at the. Morgana had suggested that she wore something a bit finer than just her armor and leather pants, so Merlyn had put on a Pendragon red tunic made of one of the finest silks there was. It was a modest, pretty little thing - long tight sleeves that started from just under her shoulders, a cleavage that covered her well and it reached her hips. On top of it she had a corset that was a bit darker red and had some golden embroidery on it, and because she had no clean leggings', she wore the black leather trousers she had been saving for feasts and things like dinners with the king apparently. Her hair was pulled to a neat bun on the back of her head with some loose strands curling around her face, so she looked a bit more presentable than usually, even without a dress. But of course, just for the sake of her position in the castle, she had kept her sword and two daggers on her belt.

"My Lord," she greeted with a smile as she bowed slightly after stopping on the other end of the long table. There was a place set for her on the king's left side where Arthur usually sat, so she made her way there after Uther waved her closer. "I must say, I was pleasantly surprised of this invitation. It is not everyday one has the opportunity to dine with their king." The king gave her a surprisingly soft smile for that and waited for her to sit down. Merlyn had no real knowledge of dinner etiquette, so luckily Morgana had taught her the main points - only eat when the king does, and stop when the king does, never speak with a full mouth and try to take sips of wine after two or three bites to make sure you won't choke.

"I am glad that you accepted, as I know you must have a lot of duties now that Arthur is away," he hummed and nodded to the servants to bring them their first plates. They contained a light soup made from chicken and vegetables. "Why didn't you join him on this hunt? As I have understood, you never leave his side if you are in good health." She never did, and had not done this time either. Merlyn fought hard to keep her face even so she would not give anything away.

"He actually ordered me to stay," Merlyn answered with a small smile she hoped did not shake, "he said that there would be more use for me here, keeping an eye out for troublemakers."

She got a pleased nod from Uther as he lowered his goblet down. "Well, I must say that it was a good thing for my son to do, as now I have a chance to speak with you," he mused and took a spoonful of soup. "He has been keeping you so busy and almost ordering me not to bother you." It was a statement that almost made Merlyn choke on her own soup, which should be practically impossible. Arthur had denied his father, _the king,_ from bothering her?

"If I may inquire, sire, why would the prince do that?" She asked after coughing slightly, and tried to wet her suddenly dry throat with some wine. The king had a small, almost wicked smile on his face that made Merlyn's cheeks color faintly. All the Pendragons seemed to have that skill these days, to make her feel awkward with just one look.

"That happened after I spoke with him about you two being very close," he answered, staring at her face with a intent green gaze that made Merlyn feel like she was being questioned about something illegal. "I believe he told you about it?"

"He… might have mentioned something about it, yes," Merlyn slowly answered, really thinking through her words so she would not put the prince in a difficult position in the future. "But as I told him then, I am just glad that nothing irreversible happened. It would not do any good to either of us, or to the kingdom, when he should be focusing on his duties. I would not want that to happen, sire, and there is really nothing going on between me and your son." Her words were spoken with such deep sincerity that the king looked a bit taken back momentarily. They were true for her, but once again she felt the weird tightness in her chest for speaking those words. She just hoped that if Arthur and Gwen ended up together, nothing bad would happen to them.

"I knew from the beginning that you would be a strong, loyal asset for the kingdom, but I never knew it ran so deep in you," Uther mused with a smile. Merlyn smiled back as truly as she could with the annoying pain she was feeling the same time. She felt like she was betraying her kin because she was so friendly with the king who'd burn them all without a second thought, but the sense of completing her destiny was stronger. If Arthur one day found out about her magic, he would hopefully notice that Merlyn had not even tried to kill his father - or Arthur himself -, even with all the possibilities she had had. The witch thanked the king for the compliment and raised her goblet to her lips again, trying to drown the thought in the wine desperately.

Silence washed over them for a moment, as they finished most of their soup and then got plates of delicious looking meat, potatoes, vegetables and gravy in front of them. Merlyn had eaten well since she had moved to Camelot, but her meals were nothing compared to what the royals ate every day. "Have you found out who was responsible for the guard's death?" The king inquired then, when they were halfway of their main courses.

"I'm afraid the perpetrator might have left already, or is hiding somewhere, sire," answered Merlyn after swallowing the small piece of meat she had been chewing. "Sirs Leon and Gwaine think the killer might have had some sort of a personal grudge against the guard, or the guard might have caught him trying to steal something from the prince's chambers."

"No one has seen anything?" Merlyn shook her head slightly at the king, frowning too. It was strange that no one had seen Myror move around the castle, but on the other hand, the guards of Camelot seemed to be much more interested in playing dice or snoozing on duty. "We must cancel the tournament, and flush them out, then."

"My Lord, if I may suggest," the strategist side of Merlyn came forth then, "maybe canceling the tournament is not the best thing to do." It was Gwaine's idea, but he was not there to tell it. But it was still true - Myror was an opportunist, he would just wait for anorher chance like the tournament.

She got a frown and a puzzled look from Uther, "why is that?"

Merlyn lowered her fork and knife down, twisting in her seat to face the king properly. "The killer could be someone who was in the wrong place at the wrong time, yes, but they might also be professionals," she explained, "if they find out that there are people looking, they might leave and then come back when the search is over. Sirs Gwaine, Leon and I are currently keeping an eye out, sire, around the tournament grounds and we have already informed the knights situated to protect yourself and princess Morgana."

Nodding thoughtfully, Uther smiled again in a pleased manner. "Well, it is a good thing we have such professional protectors around us," he hummed and Merlyn grinned as she turned back to her plate. "I trust that you'll make sure they get nowhere close to my daughter or Arthur when he gets back?"

"Of course, My Lord," she vowed, looking at the monarch straight to the emerald eyes. Even when she might not like the king, his children were very important to her. "I would guard them with my life." And the king could not disagree with her - she had shown her loyalty over and over again, almost dying multiple times for the royal siblings.

There were not a lot of times when Merlyn got a chance to actually try and get the king to trust her. She knew that Uther had a soft spot for her as he had been the one to find her and give her the job, but only so much could be heard from reports. She knew for a fact thought, that he did not suspect her of anything, but the pointed, knowing glances she got from him during the rest of the dinner were a bit confusing. It was almost like he knew something she didn't.

 

***

 

After the dinner was over - the rest of the time Merlyn had given the king her own side of the knights' training and their improvements, being a lot more realistic than Arthur was - Merlyn hurried to her chambers to change again, this time putting on a simple green tunic under a corset-vest, pulling her hair open and then moving to relieve Arthur from Gwaine's company. The men had gotten used to each other by now, but Merlyn knew Arthur did not like to spend too much time with the man. It seemed to always go in two different ways - either they both got so drunk they had to be carried to their chambers, or Arthur stormed off because he got too annoyed.

The whole way to Gwen's house, Merlyn felt eyes on her and knew she'd have to distract Myror a bit. It was a good thing that only Lancelot knew about her magic and had never told anyone, so she had an advantage. Merlyn let her magic feel around the area and found Myror lurking in the shadows between the buildings a bit behind her. Biting her lip to keep from smiling, Merlyn coughed to cover up the spell - _'_ á _hyltan' -_ and grinned when she felt how the man tripped while trying to go after her. She took the time to slip to the shadows and run towards the familiar, tiny house. Myror would be none the wiser.

She slipped in through the backdoor and heard Arthur growl the same moment, "I do not have feelings for her, so _shut up!"_ Merlyn had to snort - she really had a good timing when it came to saving the prince from things.

"Oh, Gwaine," she sighed in mock-tiredness as she walked to the main room, "you really should try to hold your tongue if you want to keep it. I don't think our prince here has any more patience with you by the sound of things." The knights in question snickered at her words for some reason looking like he had been caught peeking in a lady's chambers and Arthur blushed furiously.

"Yeah, sure thing, princess," Gwaine laughed and got up from the bed he had been occupying. "What's going on in the castle?"

Shrugging, she sat next to the still blushing prince on the bench and leaned her back against the dining table. "Nothing really. The king asked about the dead guard and wondered if the tournament should be cancelled, but I advised that we should try to find the killer while it is going. He says he trusts that we had everything under control, just that we need to situate some free knights by the royal box just in case so the princess will be protected." Gwaine nodded in understanding and was already going to the door, when Merlyn grabbed his wrist, "and Myror is out there, so you should go around the back straight to the tavern, and from there to the castle. He'll think you were just drinking again."

Laughing gleefully, Gwaine changed his direction to the backdoor and waived cheerfully to Arthur and Merlyn staying in the house. "See ya tomorrow, then!" And vanished out to the darkness while Merlyn rolled her eyes and Arthur grumbled something under his breath as he got up from the bench. There were two small cups on the table, the other one still filled with sweetened wine, so Merlyn grabbed it and downed it with one swift gulp. Arthur stared at her with an amused smirk on his lips all the while.

"Rough dinner, huh?" He asked with raised eyebrows and laughed when Merlyn shuttered dramatically.

"Nothing bad happened, it was just strange," Merlyn murmured as she placed the cup down again. "Mostly he was just talking about the dead guard and asking my opinion on the knights. But, uh… there was a small moment where I think I was as red as a tomato." Arthur's interest peaked at that, even though he looked a bit nervous too and Merlyn had to grimace at the memory. "He mentioned the talk he had with you, about staying away from me, so I had to convince him that nothing is or will be happening between us."

The blue eyes that had been trained tightly on her, lowered to the ground after her words. "Yeah, that's what I was worried about," Arthur sighed and sunk down to sit on the bed. "He had been hinting that he'd like to talk directly with you to get to the bottom of the… incident at his birthday. He was happy with your answer, I assume?"

"He was, thankfully. Seemed actually quite surprised about me being honest, it was like he had had some doubts even after talking to you," she realized that while talking and turned to look at the prince again. "He has not believed you?" Arthur said nothing, just leaned back to lie on the bed and stared at the roof silently while Merlyn blinked a few times. Did… did the prince like her? Did he really… no, it could not be that. Maybe it was loving a commoner in general, as he had those feelings for Gwen.

"Is this about the girl you like then?" She saw the prince nod slowly, glancing at her with a strange look in his eyes that made Merlyn pause again. Why couldn't the man just confide in her about Gwen? Why did he have to talk about her as 'the girl' all the time? It could not be that he was ashamed of it, so maybe he feared that Merlyn blurted it to the maid herself? Or to Morgana, who would undoubtedly tell her maid right away. "Why won't you tell her?" If Gwen would not feel the same way, at least the man would have some closure about it. And the woman was such a kind person that she would not hurt his feelings even by accident, Merlyn was sure of that.

She heard the man let out a frustrated growl and saw his sprung up on the bed, rubbing his face with both his hands. "I _can't!_ How can I admit that I think about her all the time. Or that... I care about her more than anyone. How can I admit that... I don't know what I'll do if any harm comes to her at some point? Nothing can ever happen between us! To admit my feelings to her and just knowing that... it hurts too much." He sounded so tired of everything and so vulnerable, that Merlyn felt really bad for him. She got up and walked slowly towards the bed, sitting next to him. The man looked up from his hands and opened his mouth to speak, but Merlyn shushed him and opened her arms with a small smile. He stared at her for a long moment, before sighing and leaning quite heavily against her, and let Merlyn press his head against the crook of her neck.

"I'm sorry about that," she murmured as she stroked his hair awkwardly. "I have no idea about anything that comes to feelings or love, but… well, we did agree to talk more, so you can talk to me if you want." She felt Arthur's breath on her neck as the man sighed and relaxed more against her, nodding a bit. Their position was slightly weird, as the man was about twice her size and she had her thin arms wrapped around his broad shoulders only partly, because she could not reach all the way around. But it felt nice to be there, him leaning against her and feeling his breath on her skin and his warmth on her-

 _What is wrong with me?!_ Merlyn screamed in her head and pressed her eyes tightly shut. Oh, how she hoped that the thoughts were still just physical attraction, and nothing else.

"I'm not totally sure that you're the right person to talk to about it," she heard the prince mutter and peered curiously down at him, but he was staring at his hands. It seemed that he had no rush to move away. "You're even more emotionally unavailable than I am." Merlyn snorted at him and slapped lightly at his ear, making him chuckle quietly.

"Yeah, you're right about that," she sighed, leaning her head against his, "but maybe two terribly awkward, emotionally stunted heads could come up with a good idea? You know, two wrongs make a right and all that?"

Arthur lifted his head to give her a dry look, but a smile was tugging his lips upwards. "I don't think it works like that, _Mer_ lyn," he huffed. Shoving him away from her, Merlyn pulled a face and got up from the bed.

"Just trying to help, sire," a light sing-song answer came from the warrior as she walked to the table and glanced at the man over her shoulder. He was watching her with a strange, fond smile on his face that quickly disappeared when he saw her watching. "You should try to sleep. Big day tomorrow, jousts to win, assassins to catch. The usual."

Laughing, Arthur nodded and flopped back down on the bed. "Sure thing," he hummed as he pulled the thin blanket over his frame. "Are you sure you wouldn't want the bed? I've slept on worse places that the floor and you stayed up last night."

"You forget, I slept under the stars for months and years on the floor before that," she smiled back and gave him a playful wink that earned her a eye-roll back. "Just sleep. Good night, Arthur."

"Sleep tight, Merlyn," she heard him murmur back under the covers as she sat on the bench to keep him safe that night.

 

***

 

The next morning, Merlyn escorted the prince to the tournament grounds just in case Myror tried something on the way there. Arthur was hiding beneath a blue cloak, but Merlyn still had to walk slightly behind so they would not attract unwanted attention. She dared not to use her magic again in the day to feel around for Myror's presence, but she still knew the man was somewhere close. He'd have to make his move soon, if he still wanted to take advantage of the tournament frenzy. Myror had always taken care of his targets when there was an event or other kind of thing going on that he could blend in or disguise himself, that had not changed at any point so she doubted that he'd do any differently this time, not even with Merlyn around. But there were too many possibilities - he could shoot an arrow from distance, he could put some sort of poison in Arthur's armor, he could take a knight's place, he could walk past the prince and stab him… anything really. Merlyn had already taken care of Arthur's armor, so no poison would stick and she would be close by to make sure no arrows or blades would get close enough.

Arthur and Merlyn stepped in the tent and met Gwen, Gwaine and William there. Gwen was helping the peasant with his armor and Gwaine was just sitting there with his legs on the table, playing idly with his dagger. "Ah, there they are," Gwaine greeted them with a cheerful smile, a pointed look targeted at Arthur who just ignored it and left Merlyn stare between the men confusedly. "Anything _interesting_ happen last night?"

"Nothing," hissed the prince as he threw his cloak on the ground and Merlyn just shrugged when Gwaine looked at her questioningly. She had no idea about Arthur's mood this time. They had had a pleasant morning if his nervousness did not count, and the previous night had been good too after she had managed to lighten Arthur's spirits a bit. It must have something to do with what Gwaine had been teasing Arthur about - from what Merlyn had heard, it had something to do with Gwen. "Merlyn, do you have time to help me with this armor again?" Merlyn glanced at Gwen who was standing there doing nothing and wondered why the prince did not ask her to help, but nodded slowly anyway. Gwaine and the maid bid them goodbye then as they went to take their places in and near the royal box.

"Sure," she said with a small smile and walked to the prince to help him. He already had most of the armor on as he had been getting ready quite early that morning. He had woken up even before Merlyn had, and that never happened. She had caught him trying to tiptoe around the room, apparently trying not to wake her up but she was such a light sleeper that she had stirred when the first creak of the floor had sounded. Arthur had been murmuring apologies for several minutes after she had gotten up, earning a slap around the head and a fond glare from her.

While tying to straps of his breastplate, she looked up to Arthur's azure eyes that were trained on her face, even when the look was a bit unfocused. "I will find the assassin, Arthur. Don't worry about it."

For a moment, he looked like he wanted to insist that he was not worried - like he always did - but eventually he just sighed and gave her a tiny nod. "I know you will. There's a reason why you still have your job," he said with a teasing grin, but Merlyn saw the lingering tightness in it. He might try to convince himself and everyone around him that he was not scared, but Merlyn knew better. Even the brave prince did not want to die.

"Yeah, to save your royal backside every other day," Merlyn retorted drily as her eyebrow raised a bit and got a huff of laugh from the prince. "No, but I mean it. I'm not going to let anything happen to you, even if it meand doing everything myself again." She got only a small smile as an answer before the fanfare of trumpets sounded as a signal for Arthur to go out there. He only had three jousts that day, and one of them was the final he was undoubtedly going to be in.

"I know that too," the prince huffed, looking somewhere over her head with a thoughtful look in in his eyes. "I just really wish you didn't have to put yourself in danger all the time." 

Merlyn huffed indignantly, brushing her hands over Arthur's shoulders to get rid of the dust, trying not to let the touch linger too long. She did believe in his skills and that she could keep him safe, but it did not ease the fear. "You and me both," she muttered with a humorless grin on her lips, but forced the terrible thoughts away again as she looked up now, "Good luck." Merlyn rose to her toes to place a quick kiss on the prince's jaw, his head was turned up so she could not reach to his cheek. The bolt of energy she had felt when grabbing his hand happened again, and her cheeks went a little pink, but it was nothing compared to Arthur who went all red from it and stammered a hasty thank you before rushing out, just barely remembering to put his helmet on. Merlyn stayed behind, fingers placed on her lips and eyes pressed close again. It was getting too insane that she felt like this every time she touched the prince in any way. She had to shake her head to clear the thoughts and then run out so she would not miss anything.

The first two jousts went great, Arthur didn't even have any trouble with them and won them by throwing both his opponents off their horses the first try. The other one was a visiting noble, and the other was Sir Hugo. Hugo, one of the newest knights, had been a surprise to everyone. His big frame and strong hold of both his horse and the lance was a big advantage, but Arthur had been training for far longer so the result was clear. It was lucky that Hugo did not break anything, as he landed quite badly on his hip and had to be carried to Gaius as he was in too much pain to walk anywhere.

But then, the final joust came and everything of the opponent made Merlyn agitated. His lance had a strange tip, like a metal fist and he looked different from before. Sir Alinor from Nemeth, had been a strong favorite of the crowd and Merlyn too had seen him. He was a lot taller than the man Arthur was now jousting against with. The knights kicked their horses in to strong gallops and then Merlyn saw it - a false tip on 'Sir Alinor's' lance. From the metal fist came out a sharp blade just before it hit Arthur right below the shoulder and made him almost fall off his horse. Growling low, Merlyn searched for Gwaine in the ground and when she saw him, she gestured to the rivaling knight. The man understood and made his way quickly to Sir Alinor's tent while Merlyn ran to Arthur's.

The prince was already there, almost laying on the chair eyes half-closed and sweating from the pain. She saw the blood stain where the blade had hit him, and it looked like it was only an inch away from his lung. "His lance pierced my armor," he gasped when his unfocused gaze landed on Merlyn who was rushing forward. Gwen was hovering over the prince, pressing a cloth against the wound.

"You're losing too much blood," the maid gasped, grabbing another cloth as the previous one was turning red too quickly for their liking. Merlyn took it from the woman, ignoring the weird look she gave the warrior and pressed it against the wound herself, eyes locked on the rapidly paling prince. He had that idiotic, stubborn look on his face that the warrior hated more than anything - it always meant that he was about to do something stupid.

"Do what you can," he murmured to Merlyn, hand landing on hers that was pressing the cloth and pleading blue eyes on her sharp ones. "I have to be back on the course within five minutes or I forfeit the match." Gwen left them alone then, probably going to Gaius or Gwaine for help, but Merlyn barely even noticed as she groaned loudly and thumbed her forehead against Arthur's armor.

"You always do this," she hissed against the cold steel as Arthur's breath hitched suddenly. "You _always_ run head first to danger then I need to be the one to get you out and almost _die_ in the process. Why would you do this to me!?"

She heard him laugh silently and felt how his chest shook from it a bit. "You'd be bored if I thought of the dangers," he tried to joke, but it failed as he choked a bit and hissed in pain. "You _need_ me to be this reckless so you can be the hero again."

"I'd prefer you to be safe, Arthur, I really do," Merlyn grumbled sincerely as she raised her head and glared at the man. She really meant it, it was torture to see the man in such pain when there should have been something that she could do about it or about Myror. "You cannot continue, you're in too much pain!" It was a desperate attempt to appeal because she knew him to be too proud.

And she was right, Arthur just huffed and squeezed her hand still holding the cloth. "I have never withdrawn from a match. I do not intend to start now," he stated, eyes darting to the tent's entrance when Gwaine came running in, sweaty and red from all the hurrying.

"Sir Alinor is dead, the opponent you have is the assassin," he informed the prince, but his eyes never left Merlyn's. She knew that there was little to do now, only her magic or hope that Arthur put aside his pride and came clean about everything to his father, exposing Myror in the process. But the prince just nodded and struggled to get up from the chair, coughing slightly and pressing a hand on the wound. Merlyn grabbed a roll of clean cloth, wrapping it haphazardly around his chainmail and armor to keep most of the blood away.

"Then I need to knock him off before he finishes his job," Arthur attempted to sound strong as he answered the knight, who just shot him a dubious look before hurrying out again. The strong façade disappeared when she and Arthur were left alone again, "If I don't survive-"

"Don't even _dare_ to finish that sentence," snapped Merlyn, poking his chest firmly and stared at him in that fierce determination she showed when going into battle. Her chest clenched painfully at the idea of him dying, and it just fueled her desperation to get Myror out of the picture. "You'll make it. And then you will buy me a drink tonight to celebrate your win, all right? But you know, you have nothing to prove, not to the knights, not to your father… not to _me_."

Arthur smiled softly, letting his fingers brush against her hand still on his chest softly. "I have everything to prove. To myself."

 

***

 

After helping Arthur mount Saewig again, she cleared her way through the crowd to stand on the edge of the barrier to see better. Myror was already on his side of the arena, his horse stomping nervously with an unknown rider on its back and the man himself rolling his killing lance in his hand idly. Merlyn felt Myror's eyes on her and could imagine the satisfied smirk on his lips as he believed to be close to completing his mission. Fortunately, Merlyn still had one more advantage. The trumpets blew again and Arthur rode stiffly to his side of the arena, taking the lance under his uninjured arm and readied his mount. It was a good thing that Merlyn had known to place that spell on Saewig, because the horse always reacted to his riders emotions - if there were no spell, he'd be throwing Arthur off his back right now.

Uther rose from his seat and gave a quick nod to both knights, before waiving a hand as a signal to begin again. Both riders kicked their horses to gallop. Merlyn kept her eyes on Myror, waiting for the perfect moment. The first time, both missed their marks, but they turned around and just rode back towards each other. Then, when they were close enough, Merlyn locked her eyes on Myror's saddle. _"Unbinde þé téage."_ The girth snapped open and threw Myror's focus away from the joust, so Arthur got a chance to smash his lance right in the center of his chest. Myror flew from his mount and landed right on his neck but it didn't kill him just yet... _"þurhsléan,"_ was whispered then and his neck snapped silently, not even letting him move after flying off. A satisfied smile spread on Merlyn's lips as she sprung over the barrier and made her way to the dead assassin. Death was no longer something she celebrated, not even when the person dying was an enemy, but if it kept Arthur alive for another day, Merlyn let herself be happy about it. Gaius was already there pulling his helmet off, gasping as he saw a man that was definitely not Sir Alinor. "He was the one who killed the guard," Merlyn informed the king who was staring at Myror with his eyes wide and blazing with anger. "It is lucky that Sir William seemed to get the upper hand."

She got a dazed nod from the king as an answer and promptly ran away from the scene, straight back to the tent. Arthur was being checked by Gwen and William was hovering next to them, not really sure what to do. "The people are waiting for their champion. It's time to reveal yourself," she informed the prince with a bright smile on her face. Arthur looked at her with a strange expression, but after a few seconds he shifted to see William better.

"You must go and collect the trophy, William," Arthur told the peasant, who looked so shocked that he didn't move for a long while. Merlyn decided to step in to save him from embarrassment, so she took hold of the man's elbow and pulled him closer to the tent's entrance.

"They think the assassin was meant for you," Merlyn whispered, "if the king asks, just tell them that you did not know about it and that you were just lucky. He will ask no more questions about it." The farmer nodded quickly and took a deep breath to steel himself before straightening his back and walking out to greet the people. Merlyn turned then to the prince as Gwen said something about going to get some new bandages.

The warrior moved to sit next to him, tilting her head a bit. "I thought this was going to be your moment of glory," she mused thoughtfully, peering at his now bare chest to see the wound better. It didn't look that bad, at least it was not bleeding so much anymore.

It took the prince a while to answer, but when he did, the answer surprised Merlyn completely. "Perhaps this is a time for humility," he almost whispered. The witch's eyes flew to his and noticed that he was eyeing her intently as to see how she reacted. A bright smile spread on her lips as s strong flare of warmth spread to her chest, making her feel all kinds of dizzy and numb. He smiled back, but looked a bit preoccupied with something so it did not reach his eyes completely. But it didn't make Merlyn feel any less happy about how things went down.

"I'll be expecting that drink tonight then," she hummed and got the prince snort, losing the preoccupied look completely with that. Her smile seemed to be glued on her face by then as she grabbed the bucket and cloth to clean up his wound, and she didn't even notice how Gwaine and Gwen stood by the tent entrance with knowing, fond smiles on their faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then the spells:
> 
> ætswígan = to keep silence  
> áþiddan = to thrust, push  
> áhyltan = to trip up, take support away, supplant  
> Unbinde þé téage = Loosen/unbind/release thee band.  
> þurhsléan = pierce through; attack, afflict, kill; to smite through, strike through (lit and fig); to smite
> 
> Remember to comment!


	16. Love, the bane of her existence

Luckily, it took only few weeks for Arthur to recover from the injury that Myror's blade inflicted and while being ordered not to join training, he was able to supervise the knights with Merlyn's help. Three new men had been knighted just a few days ago, so they were mostly focusing on them; Bruno, Ashton and Quinn. The three had been too young to join the last time around, but all of them had shown great skill that had impressed Arthur and Merlyn both, and they had been the best behaving men when it came to Merlyn; all three of them had known about her status and skill, so they had even bowed to her as they had come to Camelot - something that Merlyn had immediately ordered them not to do if they wanted to see another day. The prince, Leon and Merlyn had all taken one man each under their wings and focused on them during training, Arthur had Quinn, the biggest and strongest of them, Leon had Bruno, the slightly timid one and Merlyn had Ashton, who seemed to be in a complete awe over the warrior. But everything had gone extremely well, and soon enough Arthur was able to actually hold a blade again.

It was a warm June morning when he stood on the training ground leaning against the fence and taking big gulps from his waterskin while Leon and Gwaine stood on his right doing the same thing. Arthur and his second in command had talked a bit about their strained relationship and why it was like that, but now they were talking again. Leon and Merlyn still spent a lot of time together, but at least Arthur was there too once in a while. The two did not act like a couple those times, but it was still possible that they were pretending and Arthur had a huge suspicion that they were. Leon had not said anything about the warrior being with him, but had hinted that the girl was clearly smitten with someone.

The aforementioned warrior was currently explaining something to Ashton and the two other new knights, swinging her blade in a way none other could and showing the men how to do what she did. Her tight braid was flying around when she spun and showed the moves, the black leather mail almost shining in the bright sunlight and even from where Arthur was standing on the other side of the field, he could see the smile on her face when the knights learned what she taught. He had learned that Merlyn was a fantastic teacher when she wanted to be, and giving her the freedom of sharing her skills made her very happy to say the least.

Things between them were a lot better now, even while Arthur was still hopelessly in love with her but at least he was not used to the dull ache of his depressing hopes and dreams so they did not bother him so much these days. Another thing that could have been bothering him even more but surprisingly was not, was the carefree attitude that Merlyn showed when he had tried to speak about the dangers of magic and why she should not rely on it.

 _"If magic can be used to save, why is it labeled evil?"_ That had been her almost angry retort and Arthur really had had no answer other than an annoyed huff of his own. While she did have a point in her words, the prince still could not trust anything that came to the dark arts. He had seen so much bad come from it and the people using it, and on top of that he had been taught from a young age why it was so evil. But people were not completely evil, so why would magic make them like that? If that light that had helped Arthur find the Mortaeus flower had been evil, why had it come at all? If the Cup of Life was completely evil, why was the water from it able to heal him after the Questing Beast? If dragons were evil creatures, how could a blade bathed in their fire kill a wraith and save everyone? Those questions had been whirling around his mind after he had read about the man he suspected to be Merlyn's father - if one could use magic to look like someone else, why not use it to fake their death? - and even more after talking with the girl.

"Merlyn!" A sudden male voice called from Arthur's left and made the warrior he had been staring at turn quickly around. Again, even from so far, Arthur saw how she tensed and how her knuckles turned white from the force that she used to grip the hilt of her sword. He turned to see the caller, and saw a dark-haired, fairly handsome, tall and well-muscled man hop over the fence and make his way to Merlyn. He had a ragged bag flung over his shoulder, a sword hanging on his hip and familiar black-hilted daggers on his belt showing below the leather mail he had on. There was no question that the man was Lancelot, the man Merlyn had driven away from Camelot and it seemed that Merlyn was not all that happy to see him, at least based on the way she grabbed the man and dragged him away from the knights with so much force that he almost tripped on his feet.

"Who's that?" Gwaine asked, voice tight from agitation as he squinted to see better. Leon answered on Arthur's behalf, when Arthur was too busy staring at Merlyn's direction. He did not hear anything that was being said, but it was clearly an argument if the shoves she was giving the man said anything. Both of them were shouting something, but the man looked more apologetic than angry.

Gwaine whistled low when Merlyn shouted something they did not hear completely and threw a punch at the man's face. He staggered backwards from the force and tripped, landing on his backside holding his face that was undoubtedly in pain. "It's a good thing she knows how to take care of herself," Leon mused and got two agreeing sounds from Arthur and Gwaine. They saw Merlyn stomp to the fence near her and jump over before she disappeared to the forest. Hesitating only a moment, Arthur went after her just in case - as skilled and intelligent as she was, there were times when even she needed some help. Or at least a better outlet for her anger than the trees or practice dummies.

"I wouldn't if I were you," a tired sigh came from behind him when he was about to jump over the barrier. Arthur looked over his shoulder and saw Lancelot standing behind him. He was wiping the blood from his face, that was surprisingly coming from a cut on his cheek and not from a broken nose. "She'll come back eventually."

"I know she will, but it does her no good to be alone that way," grumbled the prince but took his hands off the fence and turned completely to the other man. "You're Lancelot, right?"

He huffed a small, bitter laugh but nodded. "And you're Arthur, right?" The prince raised a brow, but nodded too. He hadn't known that Merlyn had said something about him when seeing Lancelot. "Merlyn might have mentioned that me killing you in your sleep was a bad idea as it's her job to keep you safe. She would've hunted me down after that and I prefer to keep all my organs intact."

Merlyn had told Arthur about Lancelot's intentions when the jousting tournament was over. Sure, it had been mostly because the prince had been asking about it nonstop for hours and she had been a bit drunk by then, but she had sincerely told him that Lancelot would never do that again. "Planning on trying again later?" Arthur still had to ask, even though he trusted Merlyn with his life. Quite literally it seemed, too.

"She can be very persuasive that Merlyn," Lancelot snorted with a small smile that turned sad quite quickly. "I told her that if I had known that she was here and close to you, I would have never done anything… it seems that I don't really know how to do the right decisions in life, not when it comes to the group or her." There was a thick note of anger in his voice, but it was clearly directed at himself rather that Merlyn or anyone else. Arthur could understand that, as he too had a habit of blaming himself about every bad thing that happened.

"I thought she told you to stay away?"

"She did," Lancelot answered, looking at the prince first time in the eyes now, "but I left the group right after I saw her. I have nowhere to go, no one to see… so I took a chance. I'm staying at the inn, just in case she says something about wanting to see me." Lancelot got only a nod as an answer from the prince before the former-assassin walked past him. But before he got far, he turned back around and called the prince's name.

"Merlyn might act all tough and scary, but you should know she's really vulnerable deep down," the man informed Arthur, eyes flicking between the prince and the two knights that had moved a bit closer. "I've known her for years, but I have never seen her act so protective over anyone before you. It would do you well to honor that."

Arthur felt his face flush a bit after hearing that, but he nodded anyway. "I'm not quite sure how I have earned it, but I do honor it. I'd trust her with my life." Lancelot looked a bit torn about something, but eventually just flashed a smile and nodded.

"I think it's only appropriate for me to warn you that you should not get to her bad side, it'll bite you in the ass if you do."

"Should I take that as a threat from you, Lancelot?" Arthur asked almost tiredly, rubbing his eyes a bit. Of course he knew that - Gwaine and Leon had both given him the same lecture only a month ago. Leon had been more civil with it, but Gwaine had practically threatened to cut off Arthur's private parts if he did anything wrong to her.

But Lancelot was different, because he only laughed and shook his head. "No, no. It's Merlyn you should be afraid of, she'll take care of it herself. I would know that. Just a friendly advice, as she is one of those who hold up a grudge for a long time." And with that, he waived his hand at the prince and walked finally away from the training grounds to the direction of the inn. But before he left Arthur's line of sight, the prince saw the man notice Gwen walking to the castle and how his jaw practically fell to his feet as a bright blush washed over his cheeks. _Isn't he with Merlyn?_ Arthur thought frowning, staring at Lancelot as the man finally got his wits back and jogged to catch up to the maid. He could not hear what they talked, but based on the way he took the laundry basket from Gwen, he had offered his help.

Merlyn had said that she and Lancelot had been close and it had now brought up the too-familiar feeling of jealousy to kick Arthur's guts, but… a man in love did not blush like that at the sight of another woman. And did not freeze for almost a minute when seeing that particular woman. But Arthur knew Merlyn had someone on his mind, so… His eyes strayed slowly to Leon, who was staring at the point where Merlyn had disappeared to the forest and biting his lip with enough force to almost draw blood. _Of course it's Leon, I knew it!_ He sighed in his mind and looked away again. Merlyn had been so weird with Arthur since the tournament - not enough for their friendship to be damaged because of it, but enough to be noticed -, like her mind was preoccupied with something. Or, now that he thought about it again, on _someone._

***

"Happy birthday, dear sister," He murmured in Morgana's ear after handing the girl her gift; a pretty necklace Gwen had helped him get. It was pure gold and had three, big rubies hanging from it on a triangle at the center. Morgana placed it immediately on her neck, as it apparently looked amazing with the golden dress she had on. She didn't even complain about getting another piece of jewelry.

Arthur heard a pleased hum in his own ear before the princess pulled away. "Why, thank you, Arthur," she smiled back and placed a kiss on both his cheeks. "Try to enjoy yourself." Of course Morgana would see how fake his smile was. The prince moved away then to let the other guests go greet the princess and hand their own gifts.

Like always, the banquet was magnificent but this time there was a feminine touch as Gwen had been appointed to be in charge of the decorations by Morgana's request. There were beautiful, colorful flowers just about everywhere and fabrics in all Morgana's favorite colors on the tables and hanging from the walls, candles and torches helping the low hanging sun illuminate the Great Hall and the people celebrating the princess on her birthday. One long table was filled with gifts like dresses and jewelry, another almost bursting with food and sweets of every kind, and then on the other end of the room there were tables for the guests. The high table for the royals was on its usual place and, of course, the center of the room was dedicated for dancing because Morgana loved it.

Arthur tried to be in a good mood and keep a smile on his face, and managed it with the help of George and the pincher of wine the servant was carrying as he followed his master. The prince was trying so hard to keep the whole fiasco of Merlyn, Lancelot and Leon out of his mind and that would have been successful if he had not seen right at that moment how Merlyn entered the hall - with _Leon_. And she was wearing  a _dress_ for crying out loud! The dress looked amazing on her, like it had looked before too at the king's birthday. This time, it was a dark purple with long, bell-like sleeves and open neckline that left her shoulders bare and showed only a little of her cleavage. It was a simple dress once again, the only decoration was a golden corset over it and a necklace that went with it. Her hair was pulled back to a huge bun with some of it still curling around her beaming face. The prince watched how Merlyn left Leon to stand with the knights and how she almost ran to her friend with a beautifully carved wooden box in her hands. He moved closer to see what Merlyn had gotten to the girl, feeling very curious about it when he saw how excited the warrior was about it.

"I know you get a lot of gifts today and I know you said not to give you anything, but…" the warrior had an impish, wide grin on her face when she handed the box to the princess. "This is something I know you did not get form anyone else or even own already. The box was made by my two hands and what's inside… well, you'll see. Open it!"

Morgana laughed a bit awed at the warrior as she opened the box. The laughter died when she gasped and brought a hand on her lips, wide eyes flicking between Merlyn and whatever was inside the box. "Is this…"

"Yes, it is," Merlyn hummed, "I saw you admiring mine, so I wanted to give you your own. Maybe one day I'll teach you how to use it." Morgana nodded slowly and grabbed the object from the box and brought it up - it was a dagger with a black hilt that Arthur too recognized, but instead of being just a simple black color, it had the Pendragon crest carved and painted near the blade in a deep red color. The sheath had golden tendrils embedded in it and also some red here and there, honoring Camelot's colors interestingly.

"Did you make this?" The princess asked in a hushed voice that only barely reached Arthur's ears, but Merlyn heard it well and laughed merrily.

"The idea was mine, but I had some help with the actual dagger from Gwaine and Percival," the warrior laughed. "So you like it?"

Morgana giggled while nodding, throwing her arms around the older girl's neck. "Of course, I love it! I can't believe that you're the first one to think of giving me a blade for a gift!" She snickered, pulling away. "And I'm going to remember your promise about teaching me, because I really think that having this on me would keep me a lot safer than a battalion of guards hovering around all the time. At least I can hide a dagger, I don't know how to hide ten guards." Merlyn laughed loudly at the dry voice of the princess and Arthur had to agree with his sister's words - the guards would not be there all the time.

"Happy birthday, My Lady," greeted Leon as he walked finally next to them and bowed respectfully to the princess. Arthur knew his face darkened when the knight let Merlyn loop her arm through his, so he had to turn away and down the rest of his wine in one huge gulp. George was there to fill it again in the blink of an eye, and soon the prince was walking to the other side of the hall where Gwaine was lounging on a chair and chatting cheerfully with Nicholas. But when Gwaine spotted Arthur walking closer, he shooed Nicholas away quickly to get some privacy.

"You look like you need a mate to drink with," the knight mused when Arthur flopped on the chair Nicholas had been sitting a moment ago. "What's going on?" Arthur's eyes trailed involuntarily to Merlyn and Leon who were currently walking to the dance floor and he didn't even need to try and lie to Gwaine, as he hummed silently. 

"It's not like I could even do anything," he sighed, glaring at the pair and took a sip from his goblet, "but seeing that…" The sentence trailed off, but he knew Gwaine would understand. At first he had tried to lie to the knight about his feelings, but Gwaine had seen right through him from the start. They had had a lot of drunken conversations after the tournament, and one day when they had been in the prince's chambers almost a week ago, Arthur had blurted it out. Gwaine hadn't even been surprised about it, only weirdly understanding and after that he had become a confidant to the prince - about Merlyn and other things too, like Arthur's confusion when it came to magic and about the necklace he had 'accidentally' stolen from Merlyn. Gwaine had told immediately that he had no real opinion when it came to magic, but knew it was not only evil. And about the necklace? Well, the knight still had a fading bruise around his left cheek after teasing the prince about keeping the necklace next to him in bed - which the prince did _not_ do.

The music changed to a familiar, upbeat one that had been played at Uther's birthday. Arthur heard how Leon burst out laughing when Merlyn started swirling around him, trying to coax him to dance with her. When she saw that he was very reluctant, the annoyed warrior grabbed another knight, Sir Hugo, from close by and got a dance partner that way. The prince's hand was hurting a bit as he was curling it around his goblet with a bruising force and Gwaine had to pry it from his hand. "Why is it that when there is a monster or a murderous sorcerer, you run straight to them, but telling Merlyn how you feel makes you shit your fancy trousers?" The knight grumbled and made Arthur snort. It was true though, he _was_ scared - scared that the girl would reject him, humiliate him or just plainly break his heart by not believing him or not feeling the same. And he was also scared that she _did_ feel the same, and then they'd both be in pain because they could not be together, not before Arthur was king and that could be years from now.

"When you go head to head with someone or something that could get you killed, at least then you would not feel anything after it. But when you could get your heart ribbed out, stomped and spat on… that's hell," he mumbled back and forced his eyes away from the wildly spinning warrior and her partner who went past him. She was a gleefully laughing whirlwind of gold and purple among the more civil nobles, but none of them looked at her in any weird way as they had already grown used to her antics on feasts. Some of the younger ones even copied her movements while the others smiled or laughed at her when she almost tripped or bumped into them.

He heard a sympathetic hum from the knight. "Not that I have any _real_ experience about these things," Gwaine murmured watching how Merlyn almost fell to Leon's arms after a particularly fast spin from Hugo, "but the way I see it, it won't be any easier if you never speak about it. And you'll never get any closure if you just wallow in the hopelessness of it. _Screw_ the rules, take the leap of faith and all that. And let me tell you something," the knight leaned a bit closer to the prince now, pointing a finger at Merlyn who was now standing on the side, eyes flicking to them from time to time, "a girl who does not like a man, doesn't look at him the way she did after the tournament." These were the moments when Gwaine's inner intelligence came forth and Arthur remembered why he spoke with him. He was not all ale and flirting, he was a smart head on his shoulders from time to time. He did not understand his hinting about her looking at the prince any differently than the others, but had to agree that she was not exactly pushing him away.

"You know what," Arthur eventually said and emptied his goblet that Gwaine had been holding for him, "you're right." The prince got to his a bit shaky feet and clapped the knight on the shoulder before bravely making his way towards Merlyn. The warrior was standing there with Leon, but noticed him coming closer and visibly snapped her mouth shut, eyes wide with what looked like uncertainty.

From the corner of his eye, Arthur saw Leon back away slowly to give them some space but his blurry eyes were locked on the deep blue ones peering at him from under the dark lashes. "Arthur," she greeted oddly timidly, biting her lip tight and fiddling with the huge sleeves of her dress.

"Dance with me?" The prince bluntly blurted out and offered a hand to her, trying to keep his smile gentle when she frowned a bit. Eventually though, her lips curled in a small smile as she slapped her hand on his and let him pull her between the dancers. He saw his father stare at them over Merlyn's head disapprovingly, but tried not to care about it. His slight drunkenness was keeping him from thinking clearly and he just tried to focus on Merlyn. When arriving to a suitable space between the others, the prince spun Merlyn once under his arm before pulling her against his chest. He heard the surprised _'oof'_ from her when she made impact with his mail, but she just kept smiling as he placed a hand boldly on her waist and took her left in his. Merlyn let him take the lead and soon enough they were slowly circling the dance floor among the others.

"I met Lancelot today," he mused out loud. Merlyn jolted slightly, frowning but relaxed when Arthur just smiled a bit. "Asked if he's going to try again just in case, and got a weird warning from him after that." He decided not to mention anything about Lancelot's words about what kind of a person Merlyn was. The warrior never really liked it when people gossiped about her nature, or about her in general.

"Warning?" The warrior murmured, the frown coming back to her face. She looked almost scared about something, perhaps she thought that Lancelot had spilled some big secret about her.

Arthur nodded slowly, huffing out a small laugh. "Something that I should not get to your bad side because it could bite me in the ass later." Merlyn laughed at his answer, the tension leaving her slowly.

"Yeah, he might be the best person to tell you that," she huffed, shaking her head with a small fond smile on her full lips. "He has not experienced it first hand, but he has seen me get actually angry."

" _Actually_ angry?" The prince snorted and raised his brows as he looked down at her. "Those time when you have been raging at me or the knights, those have not been you angry?"

They spun around again before the girl smirked quite cruelly at him, "they have, but I can be worse to be honest. You don't want to see that, even from the sidelines." Even though she was smiling and had a playful tone in her voice, the warning was quite clear in her words and Arthur once again swore he'd never anger her too badly.

"He also wanted you to know he'll be staying in the inn if you want to see him," told Arthur after a small silence, watching her for a reaction but her face stayed carefully blank even when he felt her frame go rigid again. "He sounded really sorry about everything he has done, whatever those things are." There was a small glint of sadness in her deep eyes, but it disappeared quickly.

"Let him wait," she sighed, head hanging low for a moment. "There's a lot you don't know about me and him, things you would not understand."

"Like you two being together?" He tried to keep his voice even, but knew there was a small tone of frustration to be heard. Merlyn's head snapped up, but Arthur kept his eyes somewhere over her head. "I sort of figured that out on my own."

"We have never been together," she stated quite hastily, "just that… we'll, he, uh… he was one of those men I had…" She didn't even have to finish that, as Arthur's face fell a bit. Right, her _agreements_ with multiple men. He had always know that Merlyn had lived quite freely in the past - and maybe still did, who knows - but it did not make hearing it any easier. He was still feeling the lingering pain of realizing that, the jealousy and annoying possessiveness were not good feelings to have. Arthur didn't even have a right to feel those things, she was not _his._ He was not really sure if the young woman could even be labeled as _someone's,_ she was such a free living creature.

"Plan on continuing it with him?" He attempted to keep his tone nonchalant, but failed spectacularly. Merlyn had apparently known what he was about to ask, as she was shaking her head before the words properly left his mouth.

" _Hell no_ ," the warrior snorted, wide but a bit shaky smile rising to her lips from the thought, "it stopped before I even left the place. A mutual decision, as neither of us wanted any difficulties with… _possible_ future relationships. For the last six months I spent there, I didn't get involved with anyone and that's still going on today, to be honest." She got a slow, processing nod from the prince.

"So… you are now considering the possibility of actually getting together with someone?" His mind and eyes flew instantly to Leon who was talking with Gwaine and Thomas not far from them, not paying any attention to the dancing pair. "When did that change?"

Merlyn had not noticed his eyes straying to the knights as she was staring quite intently at Arthur's mail covered chest. "I'm not saying no to it, but…" she hesitated a bit, but eventually heaved a huge sigh and slumped slightly. "But it's a bit difficult, to be honest. Seeing what I do and how often I'm in danger, it would be too painful. And then there's the extra trouble for my secrets, things that are much worse than me being an assassin once."

"This man… he's not someone you could trust?" It was strange, Leon and Merlyn were very close and there seemed to be no secrets between them. What an earth could be so bad that she could not tell?

"He is, believe me," she said with a wide smile on her face, eyes flicking to his face for a second before moving back to his mail. "I trust him with my life, but… let's just say a lot of bad things could happen if someone found out. So I prefer to keep them to myself and suffer alone if it comes to that. He, uh… he has a lot more to worry about than me and my secrets." Arthur decided to leave his questioning to that, if Merlyn was not ready to come clean he would just have to wait patiently. It would be a lot better to actually hear her say that she loves Leon so the prince could get over his idiotic feelings finally.

The song ended soon enough, but before Arthur could say anything, Merlyn dragged him to one of the tables and waived George closer with his pincher of wine. "Thank you, George," she flashed a blinding smile at the boy when he poured them some of the sweet drink. The poor servant blushed completely and scurried away as Merlyn sat down. "Poor George. He has a thing for my maid, so he's completely flustered every time I talk to him. Probably fears that me and Margaret talk about him." Arthur grinned a bit and turned to look at his servant. Sure enough, he was staring at the red-headed young girl on the other side of the hall with a dreamy look in his eyes that Arthur knew showed on his own too whenever he looked at Merlyn. But the difference with Arthur and George was that the boy got a shy, but fond smile back from his love. These were the times the prince wished he was no prince, just a normal man and could love whoever he wanted.

They managed to down three goblets each before Arthur forgot his decision of not speaking about her and Leon. "Does that man know you have feelings for him?"

Merlyn shook her head strongly, disappointedly narrowing her eyes at her goblet when she noticed it was empty again. "He does not, and I don't think he will ever know. I've been talking about it with Morgana, and she had been trying to get me to admit it and tell her who he is but… I don't know, it might be fear or me being an absolute _wreck_ with feelings and things like that, but I'm trying to get over it. And him," she explained with a tired sigh.

"Who is he?" The prince blurted out next, turning about to face the warrior and swaying a bit in his seat. Merlyn grinned at him and shrugged nonchalantly.

"Wouldn't you like to know," she hummed impishly as she placed her cup on the table. "I know we agreed to talk more, but you have not told me who this girl is you like so much, so until you do…" Arthur snorted, eyes moving away from her. Oh, he did want to tell her, now more than ever. Maybe it was the wine, but he felt like now was the perfect chance to come clean. But there was still a small part of him that advised against it and he desperately latched on to it.

Leon and Gwaine joined them then, and effectively saved Arthur from answering her words. He was having way too much trouble keeping his eyes and hands from straying to her. "You look like hell, princeling," Gwaine huffed as he flopped to sit across the table from him. "Maybe no more wine for you?"

"Try to stop me," the prince growled with a small grin on his lips, waiving George to fill his goblet again. Before the boy could go away, Arthur grabbed the mostly full pincher with a pointed look directed to his servant. "Leave that." Nodding and bowing, George placed the jug on the middle of the table and hurried away.

"So, what's on your mind today?" Merlyn snickered, watching how Arthur downed the cup in his throat faster than even gwaine usually did and filled it a bit sloppily again. He spilled most of it on the table, but could not care less - he had a lot of worries to drown. "You drink like a man about to go to his death."

"He's just nervous," Gwaine snorted, trying to get the jug from the prince but failed completely. "If I remember correctly, he has something important to do today." Merlyn's interest peaked and she turned to the prince now, eyes wide and lower lip sticking out as she pouted pleadingly.

"Tell me," she begged. Behind her, Arthur saw the questioning gaze of Leon. It turned in to understanding when their eyes locked for a moment and then to poorly disguised joy. Arthur had not said anything about actually doing something about his feelings, but clearly Leon and Gwaine had decided for him.

Smiling, Arthur patted Merlyn's hand that was resting on the table and answered while trying to ignore the tingling he felt on his hand after it, "you'll see eventually." Pouting sadly now, Merlyn sagged in her chair. Her leg brushed against Arthur's when she turned to see Gwaine now but she didn't acknowledge it in anyway. The warmth seeping through Arthur's trousers made his hearing go for a moment, eyes gazing in the distance. Should he really tell her today? Maybe it would go well?

"…because I don't really want to see him right now," his hearing cleared just in time for Arthur to hear Merlyn speak. "Lancelot is an idiot and I'm going to treat him like one until I'm satisfied that he has learned his lesson and won't betray me."

"He tried to kill the prince, and you just say that he's an idiot?" Leon asked, eyebrows raised to his hairline. "I would think that you'd be trying to gut him by now." Merlyn and Gwaine laughed cheerfully at that - the prince did not see what was so funny about him almost dying. Those two really had a weird sense of humor.

"I will, if he tries again," she assured the knights, glancing sideways at Arthur. Her leg pressed a bit more firmly against his, almost like she was trying to reassure him the most. "But he did not know I was here. He was just doing as the job said. Being a… _you-know-what_ is not so different from being a knight, you know." She got three shocked eyes on her after saying that and it made her laugh loudly, tears forming in her eyes from the force of it.

"And what does _that_ mean exactly?" Leon asked in a tight voice, hand gripping his goblet. Leon was the most dedicated, proud of the knights, and had never taken it lightly if someone made fun of or judged their job.

"Oh dear _lord_ , Leon, I did not mean it in a bad way," scoffed Merlyn and waived a hand at the knights direction. "I just mean that being one of them, it's mostly following orders, going where the job tells you to go and never rebelling against your boss or the one paying you." Arthur could now understand why it had been so easy - in some way, at least - for Merlyn to join the knights. She had had experience on following orders and at least feigning respect to her employers. The first few months she had been respectful to Arthur, but there had always been a small glint of defiance in her - the same defiance that presented itself as sarcasm and bantering with the prince these days. And Arthur quite honestly liked the situation better now.

"So, he was the one who taught you, right princess?" Gwaine pitched in then, leaning against the table. "Does that make him better than you?" He was clearly teasing her, but Merlyn looked a bit offended about it.

"Oh, no," she snapped and glared at the man heatedly. "Yes, he and two others taught me some tricks, but some things cannot be taught. And the things I did learn from them? Well, let's just say I improved them quite a bit." Merlyn's lips stretched into a wicked, playful smile that made the three men laugh too. She really did have a unique style, no one could do what she did, not as well at least.

"What did you do there, then?" Leon asked now, tilting his head to see the warrior better. "You've been telling us how you were ranked the best and then in the end you rebelled before escaping, but nothing else."

Gwaine and Leon did not see what Arthur saw then - Merlyn turned away from the two suddenly towards Arthur, eyes lowered. Even with the azure orbs mostly hidden under her dark lashes, the prince saw the scary, dark look in them. He watched her a moment before clearing his throat a bit. "Gwaine, have you decided your squire yet? The boys are waiting for you to make up your mind by the end of this week." He felt a small hand on his thigh as it squeezed the muscle a bit. Briefly looking at the girl, he saw a grateful look directed at him. Arthur had learned months ago that some things were not to be talked about around her and one of them was Merlyn's time with Gregor. She had promised that she'd tell him one day, but he knew better than to push it. Fortunately, the other men had noticed the reason for the quick change of topic too so they did not question it.

Arthur tried really hard to focus on Gwaine's answer and the following words from Merlyn and Leon after that, but was having a bit of trouble with it because Merlyn's hand never left his leg. It stayed there, stroking it slowly and made him relax, moving his legs closer to her without even noticing it. It didn't seem to bother Merlyn though, as she was more or less focused on the other two men and Gwaine's weird jokes that made her laugh that beautiful, melodic laughter more than once or twice. He felt his heart swell a bit every time the sound came from her, and found himself smiling slightly each time. Gwaine threw small, pointed looks at him those times, and smirked knowingly every time, getting a heatless glare from the prince for it.

As the evening went on, Arthur downed a lot more wine than he should have and really felt the effect it had on him. His eyes felt very heavy and he was swaying a lot in his seat. Leon and Gwaine had disappeared at some point without him noticing, so it left Merlyn to take care of him. "Maybe you should go to bed, Arthur?" The warrior's voice penetrated his fuzzy thoughts and made him jerk a bit.

"If you take me there," he slurred and flashed a wide smile at the warrior who laughed merrily but nodded anyway.

"Let's go then, you drunk," Merlyn snickered as she stood up. She offered a hand to the man, at the same time telling George to go ahead of them and get everything ready so she would not have to 'lower herself to help the helpless prince'. In the meantime, Arthur tried to focus on staying on his feet as he got up from the chair. It was lucky that Merlyn had fast reflexes and had enough strength as the moment the prince got up, he was falling forward. But before the floor managed to come any closer, Arthur felt a slender, but strong arm around his waist and his own flung around her shoulders. "Oh dear, you _really_ need to cut the sweets. This is getting a bit too difficult."

"'m noffat," he slurred and tried hard to glare at the girl, but she just laughed at him and pulled him out of the hall. A few knights offered their help, but she just waived them off and led their way to Arthur's chambers. The corridors were totally empty for the exception of seeing Gwaine almost inhale one of the servant girl's face in one of the alcoves. He gave Merlyn a playful wink that Arthur almost missed, but never had the chance to say anything about it as they moved quicker to get away from them.

It took them no time to reach his door and they practically fell through it to his dining area. George had already been there, his bed was turned and there were few candles lit around the room. "Here we are," Merlyn hummed, leading the man toward his bed. He was stumbling by now, mind blurry and practically no sane thoughts going around his mind - which would explain quite well his whirling, not so chivalrous thoughts. "I think I had too much wine too." Merlyn let out a loud giggle as she dumped Arthur on the bed and leaned against the bedpost, eyes blurry and unfocused, a pink tint coloring her cheeks.

"You didn't even drink that much," the prince snorted, bumping his head on the bedcovers with a small huff. The canopy of his bed was spinning wildly before his eyes, but at least the biggest worry he had right then was that he did not know it he could get the ceremonial armor off for the night.

"Who said that I didn't drink _a lot_ before the feast," she retorted with a raised eyebrow and made Arthur laugh again. "Wearing a dress is still not something I like to do, but I knew it would make Morgana happy." He had to agree to that, as even with the drunkenness he remembered seeing how the princess' face lit up as Merlyn had walked in the room - as did his, for that matter.

Merlyn waived him to sit up then, saying something about making him more comfortable and he complied without even thinking. Her efficient fingers started to relieve him from his armor and cape, all the pieces somehow finding their places on a neat pile even when she was swaying a bit on her feet and snorting at herself once in a while, when it took her a lot of effort to unlace or unstrap some part. But soon enough he was able to fall back on the bed now only in his trousers and red undershirt, fingers running through his hair messing it up even more.

Arthur heard Merlyn yawned quite loudly then, mumbling something about going to bed and was already pushing herself away from the bedpost when Arthur forced himself to sit up and reach out to grab her wrist before she could go far. Their eyes met for a moment, hers confused and wide and his now sharper and almost pleading. "Don't go," he mumbled, moving a bit closer to the edge of the bed. He saw Merlyn bite her lip a bit, swallowing thickly but she took a small step closer to him. Her chest was rising and falling quickly as if she'd just ran several miles, cheeks reddening even more.

"We shouldn't…" the warrior whispered, but stepped even closer, now standing right between Arthur's knees with him looking up to see her face. In the fading light of the sun, there were dark shadows over her face and body, making her features look sharper and out of the world Arthur knew. The full lips he thought of daily were slightly parted, eyes heavy-lidded and the blue orbs locked on him, unsure but hungry.

"Why not?" He retorted with a smug grin, softly tracing his fingers from her wrist to her elbow and back, visibly making the young, beautiful woman in front of him shiver.

"The rules," he heard her mumble, but it was not very convincing. Her heavy-lidded, dark eyes were glued on his equally blurry ones, both of them knowing that if this happened, there would be no turning back - but it made Arthur want it even more. The forbidden fruit, prohibited desire... thing you really should not do, but oh how you wanted and needed it.

"Screw the rules," he almost purred the words Gwaine had said to him and grabbed her waist quickly, pulling her to his lap. She yelped in surprise, straddling his hips with a bit of difficulty with the dress. His lips latched on to the pale skin of her neck, the scent of honey and lavender filling his nose and mind and the sound of her delicious moan finding his ears a second later when he kissed his way from the root of her neck to her jaw.

But when he was trailing kisses towards her lips, she pulled a bit backwards and her fingers landed in Arthur's lips, a small apologetic smile on her lips. "No kissing," he heard her say, soon feeling her mouth on his jaw near his ear, "too intimate. Anything else… I'm _fine_ with." A guttural growl escaped his lips as he spun them around, pushing Merlyn's back on the bed and kneeling between her legs, her laughing loudly, a bit breathlessly. Her hand traveled somewhere to the hem of his shirt, never trying to pull if away but pushing under it and softly feeling their way up to his chest, a familiar dreamy look in her eyes.

The prince could feel the smug smile spreading to his face when she smiled in a satisfied manner. "Find what you were looking for?" He asked, leaning against his hands that were on either side of her head. Narrowing her eyes, she scratched her fingernails lightly against his sides and made him shiver. A groan came from his throat now, head falling down and lips landing back to her neck. He found a spot under her left ear, that made her moan loud when he sucked it. It left behind a small, dark mark that made him feel that familiar possessiveness and his trousers feel a bit tighter.

It was no romantic thing that was happening and it made him feel a bit dirty, but he could not deny the fact that they both wanted it and maybe it was the wine talking, but he could not stop even if he wanted to. A part of his mind flew to Leon and made him wonder again if his suspicions of him and Merlyn were right at all.

Their movements were sloppy, drunk and desperate, when she scrambled to lift up her skirt and kicked her boots and undergarments off and when he pushed his trousers down and stroked his length a few times just watching her spread on his bed - her hair was mostly fallen open, the neckline of her dress hanging down and exposing half of her breasts and face flushed with pleasure. "Stop staring," she almost snapped and reached up to grab his tunic, pulling him down as he laughed at her desperation, but the laughter changed into a loud moan when her hand wrapped around his member, aligning him on her opening. It felt wrong to do this like this, both of them in their clothes still, drunk and so quickly - but that thought seemed to vanish as if by magic when he pushed inside her, another moan escaping his lips when her tightness surrounded him. Merlyn too was gasping, eyes screwed shut and lip trapped between her lip when he stretched her open, but it was not pain - only a sort of animalistic hunger.

It took them no time to get used to each other as they hips touched, and soon enough Merlyn's hips were bucking up to his, encouraging him to move. "Come on, sire," she gasped breathlessly, a small wicked grin on her lips as her blurry eyes landed on his. " _Fuck me."_ The bold order made Arthur's mind go blank again - _how an earth was she so damn crude, but also so damn delicious at the same time?! -_ and his hips backed away, only to snap forward in a hard thrust that made Merlyn yelp loudly, but at the same breath she laughed gleefully, a crazed and satisfied look on her eyes as her legs wrapped around his hips and hands found their way to his hair, tucking and scraping his scalp when the pleasure slowly took over her. He kept his thrusts strong but slow at first, sneaking his hand between their bodies and pressing his thumb against the spot that made Merlyn squeal in surprise and her core clench around him for a moment. Arthur moved his finger in small, quick circles and sped up his thrusts, feeling the familiar tingling in his spine. Merlyn's eyes were pressed close and quiet moans were coming from her throat, her face the epitome of pleasure and Arthur could not help but wonder how he got in this situation - a gorgeous creature on the edge of bliss under him,  _because_ of him, moaning and shivering because of his member rowing in and out of her sweet, wet core relentlessly, him breathing heavily and groaning her name over and over.

Merlyn spun them around then, strong thighs on either side of his hips and never let him slip out of her. She had a huge smirk on her face as she promptly lowered herself all the way down, gasping loudly, fingernails scraping Arthur's chest under the tunic. "Oh, sweet lord, _Arthur_ ," he heard Merlyn groan, slumping forward a bit as she swayed her hips, grinding them against him. "You have no idea how long I've dreamed of this." His hands strayed from his thighs to her waist, and from there boldly to her exposed breasts, feeling how her back arched to make the contact stronger. Arthur could only murmur something agreeing before he sneaked a hand to her back to pull her down, his own back rising so he could meet her halfway - his lips pressed hungrily between the pale, soft mounts, lapping and sucking the skin like a starving man, teeth nibbling the pert nipples and tongue swirling over them the same time she shifted and started to bring her hips up and down along his length. Arthur pulled her upper body down with him without letting her left nipple from between his teeth - it made Merlyn yelp loudly and almost hiss, and for a moment there was a small sign of pain in her face, but the only thing she did was push her chest closer to his face, urging him to do it again. Hesitantly, he scraped his teeth a bit tighter on the sensitive skin, hearing her moan and felt her twitch around him. His hips jerked up to meet hers, apparently hitting just the right spot as it made her gasp his name, breath hitching in her throat. Bracing his feet against the bed, Arthur grabbed her hips and sucked on her nipple a bit harder, thrusting upwards to increase her pleasure even more - he loved to hear her moan, gasp and just make those pleasure-filled noises and curses, loved the feeling of her over him, the wetness and tightness of her, and he just never wanted it to stop.

 _"O-oh_ b-bloody hell-" he suddenly heard Merlyn gasp, voice shaking with his thrusts and felt her tighten around him, hand disappearing between their bodies as she helped herself to reached her bliss. Her mouth formed a perfect O-shape - the shudders seemed to last forever as he thrust through them as hard as he could, lips and tongue working on her breasts and hands gripping her still hips as he bucked up again and again. In no time though, he felt himself spill inside her, moaning her name again the pale, flushed skin, his own hips stilling too as he once more pushed as deep as he possibly could. Merlyn made a small, pleased sound after that, her hands stroking Arthur's chest and lips trailing his neck and jaw - he still really wanted to just kiss her, feel the plump lips on his and taste her breath and smile, but she never went anywhere close.

He was not sure how long it took, but after a long while he got the control of his body back and with a grunt, let his hips fall back down, with her still lying over him. The prince felt himself soften inside her, but Merlyn just lay there with no rush to move just yet - not that he complained. "Well…" he coughed, not really finding any words but Merlyn just laughed against his shoulder as his hand came up to stroke her tangled hair. The wine was still making him feel fuzzy and now adding the exhilaration of sex, he was feeling the energy leave him faster than he would've liked. Arthur was not even sure when he went from staring at the canopy of his bed lying under the woman of his dreams, to lying under the covers with his eyes closed and listening Merlyn wish him goodnight quietly before she let her lips graze his ever so softly and then tiptoe away. He fell asleep before he could even react to the touch.

 

**M**

 

She felt so bad. Well, she did have sex and _that_ felt amazing - but… Arthur was in love with _Gwen_ , not her. He was drunk and well, while she was too, she was not so drunk that she could not think straight. Merlyn felt so goddamn dirty, lowering herself to be the comfort-partner for the prince - a prince who _she_ had feelings for, but he did not have any for her. It was wrong, so, _so_ wrong. She just hoped that Arthur would not figure it out and think there was something more going on between them, Merlyn was still trying to figure out how to get him and Gwen together, so her stuck in the middle of all that was not something she needed. She had felt a bit selfish, that was true and it showed as she rebelled against her own rules and let herself kiss the sleeping prince. It had been only a small touch, barely even there but it was enough for Merlyn to know that there was no turning back now. Merlyn walked quickly to her room, muttering a spell she had learned years ago to make sure she had no accidental pregnancies - because a bastard child of a prince would really show the king that there was nothing between them! These times she was very glad she had magic, so there would be no more surprises like that.

 _"How can I be so bloody stupid…"_ she cursed silently as she entered her room. It was not enough that she knew Arthur had no feelings for her, but now there was the extra danger of Mordred. If the bloody druid found out about what happened or that Merlyn liked the prince, Mordred would go completely insane and do something bad. Like _really_ bad. There was no knowing that he didn't already know, but she would just have to hope for the best. They really did not need Mordred who was completely out of it, the world had already suffered enough from _Merlyn_ being insane like that.

 

***

 

_There were screams of terror to be heard in the dark, mostly empty forest. A man, maybe thirty or a bit more, was tied to a tree in a small clearing. Cuts after cuts were appearing to his skin, red-rimmed, wide eyes were roaming the forest trying to find the person torturing him but not seeing anyone._

_"Help me!" He shouted, the words almost choked out as he was not able to yell property. A gleeful, dark laugh came from behind him and made the man freeze as much as he was able while still bleeding. At least there were no new cuts appearing on his skin._

_A pale, young woman crouched in front of the man, head tilted to her left. Her deep blue, almost black eyes watched with sick curiosity how the blood was dripping from a cut on his skin. There was almost a manic look in her eyes, when they flicked to the man's eyes. "No one is going to help you, you know," she hummed with a sweet smile on her lip, hand coming up and wiping a tear from the man's face. "I got a handsome sum of gold for this, from your wife no less. She was not particularly happy about you bedding the sweet red-head that lived in the next village. Ruth, was it not?" The green eyes widened in horror._

_"W-what?"_

_"Oh, yes. Dear Ruth was very talkative when I paid a visit to her," Merlyn stated, a distant look in her eyes as she remembered the moment. "It was a shame to cut out that pretty little tongue from her mouth. She's alive still, though. The orders were to stop her from luring anyone else to her bed. But you… you won't be so lucky."_

_The man was starting to struggle against the tightly tied robes around his body, looking for a way out but she knew he would not find any. It was amusing to see her targets struggle like that, it brought a tiny bit of joy to her pitiful existence that some called life. Even with all her magic and other skills, it seemed that she would never get away from all this. The Priestess had ruined her completely, and she saw no way out. Only a miracle could push the girl to change, and she did not believe in miracles. Nimueh had told her about this so-called destiny of hers, but that's was utter horseshit. Merlyn's was no Emrys. Emrys was supposed to be a figure of hope and light, not a dark mess with a love for pain like she was._

_"Ah, you seem to be having some fun already?" A purring, male voice came from behind her and brought a small smirk on Merlyn's lips - a genuine one, not the cruel one she had had on for a while._

_"It is my job, Mordred," she hummed sweetly, turning around with hands on her hips. "A much as I enjoy your company, I do like to do things on my own too." The boy, almost seventeen smiled right back at her, eyes flicking between her and the man behind her. He knew nothing of her magic, always just assumed that she cut her targets with her own hands. Merlyn knew he had magic too, but was not ready to trust him with her own - they might be sleeping together, but there was no reason for her to trust anyone yet. Lancelot at least had found out by accident, but he was a bit scared of Merlyn from time to time, so he would not tell anyone._

_"Why are you doing this?" The man screeched, trashing wildly against the robes and made Merlyn sigh annoyed as she turned back around._

_Her eyes seemed to darken even more when she gazed at the man, making him shiver uncontrollably. "Let me tell you a story, Stephen," she said with a bitter smile, pulling a dagger from her belt and sitting in front of him cross-legged, adopting a lecturing tone in her voice that made Mordred snort behind her. "Once upon a time, there was a small, three-year-old girl living with her mother, in a small village. She was happy, that much she can remember. But then, an evil woman, a Priestess came and took the girl to herself. The girl could not fight back because she was too tiny, too weak. The woman wanted a weapon, a fighter for herself so when the little girl was only six, she started to teach her. At first the little girl liked it, practiced with fervor no other had. Then, when the girl was only seven, the woman started to take her with her when she questioned her prisoners about a certain kingdom she loathed." Her eyes had gone distant again, a small shimmer of gold visible for the man but not Mordred, who was behind her. But the look sharpened again and a cruel smile came back to her lips, when she turned to look at the man in the eyes._

_"And by questioning, I mean torturing. That was the little girl's second thing to learn," Merlyn tilted her head, an innocent expression on her face. "And she became good at it only a few years later. She became so good at everything about blood, death, killing that it became her life. She lost the capability of empathy, of regret. She became a merciless shell with a vast knowledge of pain, suffering and destruction. But she hated the woman, so she escaped at the age of twelve. She was left alone, for almost six months before a nice man found her sleeping under a tree, hugging her bloodied sword like a teddy bear. He took her in and gave her a purpose. Do you know what that purpose was, Stephen?"_

_He did not answer, but seemed to know what Merlyn meant because his eyes went even wider and tears were spilling to his cheeks, quiet pleads of mercy and help still coming out of his lips and it made Merlyn scoff hard. She got up from the ground and brushed the dirt casually from her trousers, twisting the dagger in her hand for a moment._

_"To take on other people's revenges for herself," she answered with a light, nonchalant tone and gave Mordred a small wink. The boy smiled back, stepping to the side to see better as Merlyn turned to the target again. "Say bye-bye, Stephen."_

***

 

The next day, Merlyn almost skipped training just to avoid Arthur. She was not sure how much the man remembered - a small, selfish part of her hoped he remembered everything - and she was not really looking forward to finding out. The nightmare, or memory actually, made her mood even more foul and it took her forever to get dressed in the armor-jacket and leather pants Margaret had cleaned for her last night. She pulled her hair to a tight braid as she was walking to the training grounds, mind going a bit haywire when she spotted Arthur there. Even from afar, she saw the red mark on the root of his neck that she had made, barely hidden under his tunic. She had notoced a similar one on her own skin right under her ear, and had cheated a bit by using magic to make it fade so no one would notice it. It was still there though.

Arthur had that satisfied, smug look on him that said he remembered enough, and it made her heart thud painfully against her chest. "Morning," she greeted, feigning cheerfulness and placed her swords on the table where the water was. Arthur turned at the sound of her voice, a wide smile spreading to his lips that Merlyn tried not to notice. 

She heard him walk closer and suddenly there was a hand holding a familiar golden necklace in front of her face. "You left this," the prince whispered as he leaned closer to her, frowning then when the witch ducked to the side a bit. The warrior bit her lip as she stared at the offending piece of jewelry in front of her for a long moment before plastering a smile on her face and took it from him.

"I didn't even remember loosing this," she said, avoiding his piercing blue eyes as much as she could without looking like she was trying to hide something. Arthur was looking a bit confused by her actions, at least based on the way he was pursing his lips.

"Look, about last night, I-" Merlyn cut him off with a wave of her hand, trying to keep her face as cheerful and honest as she possibly could.

"Don't even mention it," she snorted, shrugging a bit as she pulled the blade from its scabbard, examining it for dents and scrapes. "We both got what we wanted and needed, we were drunk so there's nothing to worry about. Just forget it." Speaking the words made her feel a white-hot burning feeling in her chest, she just wanted to scream from the top of her lungs that _oh, please, please be mine, pleasepleaseplease!_ But she could not. His happiness was her first priority, and he would be happy with Gwen, the sweet maid with the curly dark hair and pretty eyes, not Merlyn the secretive, idiotic, _magical_ warrior who was not fit to be a queen.

Arthur was silent for a long time, just staring at her with eyebrows nearing his hairline. "Then why did you kiss me, if it was too intimate and just something to forget about?" He asked, voice a bit hoarse. Merlyn practically felt her face pale and the world went a bit fuzzy. This really was not how it was supposed to happen. The reason why she had not wanted to kiss the prince, was that it would make things a lot more complicated. It was not that sex was not intimate and something to cherish, but kissing someone... you could kiss a person when you were angry, sad, happy or when you loved or even hated the person, it had so much emotions in it, and it could reveal to the prince something she was not saying out loud - that's why she had waited for him to fall asleep, just to experience it once, even a light touch like it had been.

A terrible liar she might be, but for once, Merlyn was able to scoff with as much humor as she could and wave her hand at the prince again. "A moment of weakness and a little bit drunk still, nothing more. Don't worry about it, I'm not going to start to stalk you or anything," she huffed and flashed a wide, bright smile at him. It almost failed when she saw his eyes - filled with doubt and sadness. Why would he be sad about it? At least he did not have to worry about things going wrong with Gwen because of her.

"Right, of course," and then Arthur just promptly walked away. Merlyn took a chance there and scurried off the yard, feeling the confused eyes of the prince and the knights on her back - but she really could not care less, she just had to get away. Hopefully they would understand. From the corner of her eye though, Merlyn saw how Gwaine moved closer to Arthur with a questions visibly on his lips already. Only if she knew what the question was. Though she could probably guess.

She didn't really have a good place to go to or anyone who'd listen to her rant about things, so she walked aimlessly to the Lower Town. The people were perfectly oblivious to everything, just going on with their days and cheerfully greeting Merlyn as she walked past them. The warrior somehow managed to put a smile on her face - it was a good thing that none of the citizens knew her so they did not recognize the lingering sadness in her eyes. Well, one person did and he was walking towards her as quickly as he could without startling her too badly. He didn't even say anything, just grabbed her elbow and pulled the girl to the Rising Sun - not that she had it in her to protest. After buying them two tankards of ale - the bartender looked at her a bit funny, as it was barely midday and she was there already instead of training - Lancelot led the girl to the corner booth and pushed her to sit. She mumbled the silencing spell so no one could hear them, and Lancelot barely batted an eye at it.

"Is this your way of trying to apologize again?" She sighed, finger idly stroking the table's wooden surface, tracing the patterns visible in it.

The man huffed, shrugging. "I think I've said everything I can," he answered with his eyebrows raised, "and I think you're not all that angry at me anymore, seeing that you did not punch me in the face right away." A smile graced her lips fleetingly as she glanced at the man in front of her. He had the familiar, gentle grin on his face.

"That's partly true. I'm still angry for you staying with Mordred, but not about anything else. But I think I'll get over it soon enough," Merlyn took a sip of her tankard, sighing again and rubbed her eyes tiredly. "I'm having nightmares again, didn't sleep very well last night. Or more like memories… you know, of _those_ times." Lancelot let out a small huff as he touched her hand softly. He knew perfectly well what she meant, as the nightmares had started after she had quite literally locked the darkness away. It had been a strange experience to be honest, because the darkness was _her,_ but at the same time it wasn't. But it had been the only solution if she wanted to be the Emrys the prophecies talked about.

"You look like something else might have happened too after you left the group," he mused with pursed lips, tilting his head a bit forward to see Merlyn's eyes. "What's going on?"

A bitter smile grew on her lips as she took a big gulp of her ale. "Well, for starters… you are not the only one in this town who knows about my magic. Leon, Percival and Gwaine all know, Leon found out by accident and Percival was told by Gwaine."

"Wait, _that_ Gwaine _?_ " Gasped Lance, eyes wide as she nodded, now a bit more happy than before.

"Yeah. He found me a few months ago while I was on a hunt with Arthur," she hummed, shaking her head slowly. "They had been travelling for a while, he and Percival. Tracking down Mordred actually… oh, yeah, that bastard is back again."

Their eyes spun to the tavern door when it opened loudly, and Gwaine sauntered in. She mumbled to Lancelot that that was Gwaine and Lance's smile grew impossibly large after that. The knight saw the two of them, nodded at Merlyn and waived a hand at Lancelot but didn't come closer as he noticed that they were talking. "Mordred is not one to give up. He had been bragging about some sort of a plan to get what he wanted, but I was never let in on those things," Lancelot told her, and suddenly snorted while shaking his head. "Well, now that I know he had been looking for you, I know why."

"He has not only been looking, you know. He left those bodies for me to find along with letters. And I saw him a while back. He said something about bringing _her_ back, and we both know what he means," she mumbled, combing her open hair with her fingers, eyes locked on Lancelot's tankard. "After that, there had been only a few reports of new bodies, but they are all far away from the city. I'm just… him being here, it makes everything a lot more complicated."

"How?" The man asked, frowning at her hopeless look. "I understand that you are sort of scared of what he could do, but you and I both know that you could beat him if it came to that."

"I could, but at what cost?" She hissed, bumping her head against the table and letting out a frustrated groan. A hand appeared on the back of her head, stroking her hair softly. "If he decides to attack the city, I would have no option but to reveal myself. Or if he somehow manages to let the king or Arthur know about what I was like, I'd be either executed or banished for it. I can't risk that, protecting these people while being with the knights is hard enough, but if I needed to do it while hiding? That would be just _perfect_ …"

"Do you really think the prince would let anything to happen to you?" She heard Lancelot quietly ask. Groaning again, she lifted her head and glared at the man dubiously, who just smiled back unaffected.

"Well, that matters no more, he probably hates me by now," she sighed and got a puzzled look back. "Last night, we uh.. We slept together. And today he looked so happy about it and I turned him down, saying that we just got what we needed and that he should not talk about it anymore."

"What makes you think he hates you, if he looked happy about it?" Lancelot snorted, eyebrow raised in a way that would've made Gaius proud. Merlyn groaned again and lifted her hands to rub her face in slow movements.

"Because, he loves another," she sighed, peering at the man between her fingers. "I know it but I still let myself be carried away. And now I fear that I've messed things up with them." The way Lancelot stared at her, was a mixture of sympathy and aggravation - the last part made her feel almost nervous. It was like he knew something, but was not saying it, except that was impossible because he didn't even know Arthur.

"…do _you_ love him?" Did she? Sure, she was fond of the man and liked to spend time with him, and she had these feeling growing ever so slowly about the prince, but love? Years ago, she had barely felt any happiness even, no joy or empathy, no sadness or anything, but those things had come back after she had made a change in her life and tried to be better. But almost since they had met, being around Arthur had made the warrior feel funny. At first she had only thought that it was because of the destiny, then that it was physical attraction. But now… now it was clear as day, even though she tried to lie about it - had probably lied to herself for months now.

"I do," Merlyn whispered, shocking herself with saying that when she had meant to say no. But the way Lancelot's smile only widened, she knew it to be true - and even the man knew it. He had always known her feelings and thoughts better that Merlyn did herself, he had always been the one to try and guide her to improve herself, to be a good person and actually, she would probably be in a grave or somewhere equally bad by now if it were not for him. "I think I really do. But he cannot ever know that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I think we can all agree that I don't know how to write sexual content very well? In my defense, that was my first one! But hey, progress woth Arthur & Merlyn, yayyyy! 
> 
> Remeber to leave a comment!


	17. The little bunny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The parts written in italic, are flashbacks and Merlyn does not say those exact things to Arthur. And also, if you're not a fan of torture/gore - things, I suggest you skip the fifth flashback. Nothing too descriptive, but just a warning! 
> 
> WARNING: Mentions of Dark!Merlyn, torture/gore/mild 'bloodplay'

It was not easy for Merlyn to keep the smile on her face and act like she was not torn inside after lying to Arthur again. She hated lying, hated it so much it was making her want to bang her head against a wall, but she really could not ruin things for Arthur and Gwen - or Arthur more likely. The man needed a good queen, and his father would probably kill Merlyn himself if he found out about their night together. At least Arthur seemed to be quite fine with not speaking about it, he was not avoiding Merlyn or acting like an ass with her, so it made her days a bit easier. The light touch of Arthur's lips against hers when he had already fallen asleep was still somehow lingering in her memory and her lips, making her heart stutter from time to time. Even listening to reports of more bodies found near Camelot was almost missed with her daydreaming - but she did hear how Arthur wanted to go see them himself.

Merlyn was in no position to ask him not to go. She was scared that there would be more letters or that Mordred was there himself and would out her. For the most of the time, the victims were found far from the city, so Uther never let his son leave the city to see them. Merlyn had gone, and had found several notes that she had barely been able to grab before one of the other knights saw them.

_"I'm waiting for you, my bunny."_

_"Jump, jump, jump to me."_

_"I won't stop, my little bunny, not before you come back to me."_

Those were just a fraction of the letters she had found. There was never a signature, but the handwriting was familiar enough for her, and so was the nickname. At least the druid was no longer coming to Camelot to see her for himself, not after the time she had seen him in the woods near the training grounds and just grinned at him. But some gifts were still brought to her rooms - or spelled there, who knew? - but they always ended up in the trash. They were quite normal ones for the outsider, but Merlyn knew the significance of all of them; the six deep red roses were given to her just two days after meeting Mordred for the first time, a book of herb-lore she had owned just before escaping with a small poem written by Lancelot on the cover page and so on. Most of them were objects Merlyn had tried to get rid of or had left behind, but apparently Mordred had kept them.

"Are we leaving now?" She piped up when Arthur dismissed the knights from the small council room and got a tight nod from the prince. He didn't seem like he even properly listened to her, so Merlyn let out a small sigh as she walked around the long council table to sit on the edge of it, almost in front of Arthur. "What's wrong?"

He glanced at her face, but didn't let his eyes linger. The prince had avoided her eyes for days now for a reason she didn't really understand. Or well, it could very well be him trying to cope with the night. "Nothing you should concern yourself about," mumbled Arthur and rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly. From what Merlyn had heard for almost a week now, the prince was not sleeping very well. Or that's at least what Margaret had heard from George.

There was one thing Merlyn knew that could do this. "Uh, this isn't about... you know, what happened?" She asked carefully, eyeing Arthur's face for even a small clue that she was right. The night they spent together had been haunting her own thoughts a lot, so it would not be a huge wonder if it was bothering Arthur too. He did have a lot of things on his mind, like his duties, Morgana, Gwen probably too, so he did not need Merlyn to mix it all up and burn it to the ground with her stupidity and selfishness. 

A flicker of a smile grazed the prince's lips when he looked up. "Maybe," he hummed with a raised eyebrow, smiling even wider when Merlyn looked down biting her lip. He leaned forward and tilted his head a bit to see her face. "Look, I know you have your reasons for not wanting to make a big deal about it, but-"

"This is not about _me_ , Arthur," Merlyn laughed dismissively, shaking her head now. "I have no reasons other than keeping my job and life to keep it a secret, but you have a lot more. You don't need me to mess up everything, you really need to focus on your duties. You know, you are still a prince and all."

"You..." he started with a hesitant smile on his lips, but seemed to be in a loss for words for a moment. "You have no reasons? What about Leon?" Merlyn had to force herself not to groan loudly and shake the prince - who would have thought that the prince of Camelot actually listened and  _believed_ the rumors going around the castle? The groan eventually did slip between her lips, and seemed to confuse Arthur even more.

" _That_ is just an idiotic rumor Gwaine the Drunk made up," the warrior huffed, grinning wide when Arthur's face nonplussed completely at her words. "You _really_ thought that Leon and I have a thing?" 

Arthur narrowed his eyes at her amusement, sinking deeper into his chair, face morphing slowly to an embarrassed expression. "You did talk about some man, and you've been spending a lot of time with him, so..."

"Yeah, and I spend a lot of time with Gwaine, Morgana and even you," snickered Merlyn, head shaking again. Fortunately the prince did not know Merlyn  _that_ well to know when she was trying to act aloof about something, because her heart was once again bursting from it's seams. "I don't regret it, not really, but I don't think your father would believe my words anymore if something got out. And you still have that girl of yours, so I don't want to mess things up with the two of you." 

Her words were so final that the prince was not even trying to argue with her. He looked still mildly shocked about the rumors not being true, it even made him pause for a long moment, just staring at somewhere in the distance. When he eventually snapped out of it, his face seemed to almost beam with some sort of excitement, but he did not continue the conversation any more. "We need to go see those poor souls and try to find the bastard responsible." Smirking at his words, she pushed herself from the table and fell in step with the prince. Nowadays, he was not insisting anymore that she should walk behind him like a good advisor or like a servant, but treated her as an equal almost. She felt really tiny next to him, even when she knew she could beat the hell out of him if she so wanted to.

Their horses were already waiting when Arthur and Merlyn reached the full courtyard. The four knights leaving with them were already mounted and ready to leave when the prince and his advisor gave the order. This time, Leon stayed behind to keep an eye on the princess. Morgana had insisted that she was just fine but the reality was that there had been strange… _threats_ against the girl, if you could call them that. Nothing serious - yet - but ominous letters that the king had thought were from some stalker and weird gifts, for example a simple perfume bottle filled with clear liquid that did not really smell like anything to Merlyn, but Morgana was more than in love with it. She said it was so simple and lovely, that she refused not to use it every day or give it away to be destroyed - and of course the king could not say no to his daughter. Merlyn had tried to feel if the gifts had any magic coming off of them, but either the spells were very well hidden or there were none. In any case, she had no chance to actually do any tests on them, so she just hoped that leaving Leon behind would keep the princess safe. Just in case, the warrior had asked him to follow the princess everywhere she went, including at night if it came to it, but not to interfere if not necessary, only to report back to Merlyn.

But at least Gwaine came with them, so the ride to the village where the bodies were was not completely boring. He was currently riding a bit behind Merlyn and trying to humor her with another story of a lady he met in a pub. "…and then, she pushed me off and said that her husband was home!" The knight exclaimed, waiving his free arm wide and Merlyn snickered a bit. "I had to jump out of a _window_ , bloody hell! It hurt, and then the brute chased me on the field in all my naked glory while the villagers just watched, no one even helped! It was _terrifying!"_

"Maybe you should try to make sure you don't end up in marital beds from now on?" Arthur suggested from Merlyn's left and glanced smirking over his shoulder. Gwaine scoffed at his words but flashed a wide grin at him and Merlyn only a second later.

"Now, what's the fun in that?" He asked with a smugly and shared a raised eyebrow with Sir Nicholas next to him. "I got my fun, she got hers and the brute got some exercise!" Rolling her eyes, she rode forward to catch up with Arthur and left the hooting knights behind. Her mood was not the best for listening to these jokes right now, even though she did laugh a bit, and she had a suspicion that the prince too was getting a bit irritated. Merlyn kept quiet though, immersed with her own thoughts once again - it had been happening even more now after her talk with Lancelot. Well, talks. The main topic between them had been Arthur and her magic and past, and what to do. The man had tried to convince her that it would be fine, but he still always looked like he was keeping something from her. She had promised years ago to never use magic to see his mind or control him for the fun of it, so there was really no way for Merlyn to find out.

"You four go ahead to the village, Merlyn and I will go see the place where the victims were found!" She heard the prince suddenly order. The small village was showing between the trees - it contained maybe ten or fifteen small, wooden houses, a field and a small shop that looked like a combination of a healer's workshop and a forge. The knights nodded to the orders and spurred their mounts forward, while Arthur dismounted and led Hengroen to the side, tying the reins on a tree branch. Merlyn followed his lead and soon they were scrambling through the thick forest, trying to find the small clearing that the reports had mentioned. The bodies had already been moved to the village to give them a proper burial, but no one had tried to find any tracks. Merlyn knew already that none would be found, Mordred was too good and it had already been several days since the bodies were found.

"Are you sure you're going to the right direction, Arthur?" Merlyn grumbled after a long while, drily glaring at the broad back of the prince. He spared a quick look at her and quirked a smile that made her glare a bit heated. "Or are you lost like _every other time?"_

"I am not lost, Merlyn," Arthur snorted, shoving a bush from his way but let it go so it hit the warrior in the face. "You should watch where you walk. Something could jump at you and you already get hit by a _bush."_ Growling playfully at his remarks, Merlyn ran after him just to poke at his ribs and made the man yelp in surprise.

"You're dead," stated Merlyn with a raised brow as she skipped a bit further to get away from his grip, "you should pay more attention to your surroundings, sire." Huffing, he nudged her with his elbow and that led to a mock-fight where they both either tried to shove each other or attempted to dodge the other's grip.

"Whoa, Merlyn," she abruptly stopped when the prince's voice rang from the other side of the thick bush. "I think I found it."

"You _think?"_ She retorted, trying to push her way through the bush. "Thinking is not the same thing as actually finding…" the sentence trailed when she got through the bush and looked up finally, eyes widening at the sight. _"Oh god."_

It was like nothing Merlyn remembered from Mordred's previous killing or dumping sights - the sick thing was that it resembled the ones Merlyn had left behind at her worst years. It was a small clearing, at one point probably even beautiful one, but now it was sad and disgusting and it really made the warrior feel like retching. There were four trees with rope still around them, showing where the victims had been tied to and huge pools of dried blood everywhere. She could see a familiar white-hilted dagger stuck in one of the trees with the decorative letter M carved in it, made by Merlyn's own two hands. It was the same one she had once used to her own victims, and the one she had thought she lost long time ago. And then… then there was the note, hidden behind a tree so only the person who knew about it could find it - as it was her previous style, she knew where to look.

_For you, my lil' bunny, for old time's sake._

Before Merlyn even noticed, she was already walking away and swallowing hard to keep herself from actually retching from the terrible disgusting pain that her guilt brought up, trying to hold back the tears and trying so, so badly to keep herself from just escaping right then or doing something even more stupid. There was a loud noise in her head screaming to be let out, let the darkness take over and take her to safety or handle the situation _. "Merlyn!"_ She heard Arthur yell after her, but she didn't turn back. She didn't go to the horses either, just walked with no destination until her legs gave up and she let the content of her stomach come out with a force that brought the tears out too. "Merlyn! What the hell?!"

Merlyn didn't have to look up to know that Arthur was running behind her. She kept her teary eyes closed until a shadow came over her and a hand was placed on her shoulder, but she it shrugged off. "Don't," she managed to choke out, still gagging furiously but nothing came out. She felt weak for vomiting just because of the sight, but could not help it - it was horrible, disgusting and _too familiar._

"What is this?" The quiet question reached her ears, the prince paid no heed to her request of not touching her as now two hands landed on her shoulders and tried to make her stand up. The warrior didn't though, but she did open her eyes and immediately saw the letter in Arthur's hand, realizing what he asked. She had already forgotten the sorcerer at Uther's birthday celebration - ' _why don't you mind your own business, lil' bunny. I have a prince to kill.'_ Of course Arthur had to remember that, because Merlyn never had it easy in her life. "What is this, Merlyn?!" Startled, she scrambled backwards on the ground to get away from the furiously yelling prince and shook her head weakly.

"Please… _don't,"_ she whispered, wiping her mouth to get the retch away. "You.. don't want to know." She was not ready to tell, it was not time. She had just come to the conclusion that she had to admit her feelings a while ago, but.. but if Arthur found out about her past now? Well, Merlyn could then say goodbye to any sort of conversation about her love for the prince anywhere in the near future - or ever.

"Is this about your past _again?!"_ Arthur bellowed, throwing the crumbled letter to her lap. "If it is, then yes, I do! You said you would tell me when the time is right, or when you need to. This is the time when you _really_ need to, because right now it looks like you're working with someone!"

Dark azure eyes snapped up to look at the prince, glistening with unshed tears but the anger and frustration surged forward as she got up to her wobbly feet. "Do you really want to know, Arthur?!" She screeched, stepping threateningly closer to the prince while clutching the letter tightly in her hand. She apparently looked like she was really going insane, because Arthur took several hasty steps back. "There's no way back if I tell you, there's no guarantee that you'd be able to _look_ at me anymore, the things you'd need to hear are things that will make you see me like a… like a _monster!_ And I don't want that!" Growling in aggravation, she pulled a dagger from her belt and chucked it at a faraway tree. It stuck there deep and it was followed quite quickly by three others, before she threw her sword from her belt to the ground too, just to keep herself from doing anything with any of the blades.

"Tell me," Arthur asked quietly, worriedly staring at the anxiously pacing Merlyn who smashed her fist already at a tree and was now tugging her hair, smearing the blood from her knuckles there and to her cheek a bit too. She was struggling so badly to keep her magic under control, to keep the gold from her eyes. Most of the time she either kept her eyes closed or her back to the prince, trying to direct the magic little by little to leaves or branches so Arthur would think they moved because of small animals or something. "I want to know."

"No. You _really_ don't," the witch snapped, closing her eyes again when she felt a surge of magic go through her, this time directed to a tree far, far away. Arthur luckily didn't notice how the bark snapped because Merlyn spun to face him the same time. "But if you're sure… I'll tell you." The prince nodded slowly, brows creasing but kept his mouth shut, just waiving a hand to her to start talking. A bitter smile rose to Merlyn's lips as her shoulders squared in an attempt to get some courage. It would be just best to start from the beginning, from her kidnapping and work from there to unravel everything. The only thing she would have to keep from Arthur was her magic, but luckily it would not be that difficult, not anymore. It was really worrying how well she was able to keep things from the prince when it came to magic.

"When I was three, I was kidnapped. I told you about the woman, didn't I?" She saw the small nod from the prince. "Well, there's something you don't know about her…"

*

_"RUN, MERLYN!" The little, black-haired girl heard her mother screech and shove her forward at the hill. She could see her village below, the people scurrying around without rush and with no knowledge of what was happening between the trees. The little, three-year-old Merlyn grabbed hastily her light blue skirt and dove between the trees, running towards the village, towards Will's house. But even as such a young child, she knew she would not make it. Behind her, there was a horrifying sound of a woman screaming and a terrible cackle after the scream was cut off._

_"Come here, darling," a voice purred, but Merlyn just ran, tried to get to safety. But even with her magic, that had been with her from the first breath, she was no match to the tight grip of the blonde woman's spell - dark purple tendrils wrapped around her legs and torso, not budging even when Merlyn's eyes flashed gold repeatedly, even if they flickered a bit because of it. "You are going to love living with me, Merlyn."_

*

"…she was a Priestess of the Old Religion," Merlyn sighed, risking a quick peek at the prince. His face was thunderous already, and it made Merlyn quite nervous of what he would look like after her story. The fact that she had been wronged by a sorceress seemed to make hum angry already. "She took me and like I told you, she was the one to teach me to fight from the age of six."

"What does this have to do with that?" Arthur drawled, nodding at the letter, but Merlyn didn't even dare to look at the direction, as if afraid that the letter would jump at her.

She smirked humorlessly at his impatience. "Have some patience, Arthur, I'm getting there," she mumbled, taking a shaky step at the direction where they found the note but stopped with her back again to Arthur. "She taught me to fight, yes… for four years, that was the only thing I did besides read and write. During that time, I was… quite fragile to be honest, easily manipulated and twisted into something I was not. I was actually a sweet girl who was scared easily, never said a bad thing to anyone and just a good girl all together. But the Priestess took me with her when she questioned her prisoners, took me to her rampages around the land and introduced me to several horrifying people that influenced me quite a bit."

*

_The Priestess dressed her in finery that day, when she turned eight. A black dress fit for a princess, even when it had a ragged hem and a hood attached to it. She said it made Merlyn look like the witch she should be when she grew up. She even tugged a small, golden dagger in the girl's leather belt, just for Merlyn's private joy._

_"Now you look like you could meet a king," the woman purred, stroking the girl's cheeks tenderly and prompted a small smile from Merlyn. She took the Priestess' hand and was led to a huge hall filled with people Merlyn did not know. They all eyed her like meat, like a weapon or like a piece of the finest jewelry. Merlyn was feeling a bit rebellious, so she flashed her golden eyes at them and smiled impishly when they jerked back. Even as a child, she knew the sight of golden eyes flashing without a spell was a scary sight. But her focus turned back to the Priestess, when her hand was squeezed._

_Before them, stood a young man with an extravagant crown on his head over the brown hair, eyes glinting hungrily when he eyed the Priestess, before flicking down to Merlyn, curiosity shining in them. She was not a timid child, so she just raised her chin defiantly and met his eyes fearlessly. "Is this her?" The man asked with a growing smile, looking at the Priestess who nodded solemnly and the smile just kept on growing. "When she grows up, she will be a fantastic addition to our endeavor to take out Camelot."_

*

"I met King Cenred when I was eight," she snorted, shaking her head a bit. "He thought I'd be a great asset to his kingdom. And to be honest, at that age I was quite excited about being useful." And she had been, at first at least. But after the king's first attack to Camelot, she had already been planning her escape and refused to do anything else. Cenred had wanted her on the field the next time, as her magic was already as strong as the Priestess'.

"Asset?" Arthur asked silently, hands in tight fists and eyebrows knitting together again. Merlyn nodded again, not daring to look at the prince any longer that few seconds. Arthur was not known for his patience or his ability to keep himself from exploding, so she would have to try to stay calm so he would not get angry or scared.

" _'A fantastic addition to our endeavor to take out Camelot'_ , were his exact words," the warrior sighed, ignoring the choked sound the prince made. "The Priestess traveled a lot, and took me everywhere with her, so I took a chance at the age of nine and tried to escape the first time. That's when I got this-" Merlyn waived a finger at the scar barely visible on her chest under the jacket's open collar, "-and… that's when I killed the first time." Merlyn still remember it like it had happened yesterday - to horrified screaming of the man when her magic made the blood in his veins boil with only a thought and finished him off with his own blade, furious because it still had her blood in it.

"At nine?" Arthur gasped, taking a step closer but Merlyn raised a hand to stop him, smiling sadly and staring at his eyes, trying to keep herself from laughing at his worry. He should not worry, not really. The story was not one that would make anyone feel any sympathy towards her.

"Yes, at age of nine," she whispered, rubbing her face now just to give her hands something to do, "but the thing is that I liked it, the way I could make someone feel fear when I was so young, it made me feel powerful. _I liked it_ , and I went willingly back to the Priestess, begging her to forgive me for escaping and let me back, teach me more and let me learn everything she did. She never used her magic against me, actually the only time had been when she captured me, so I know for a fact that it was no spell that did it to me." She heard Arthur back away again, shocked to silence apparently and she just could not look at him. Merlyn had warned him that she would look like a monster in his eyes after she told everything, but it was too late to stop now. The only person who knew everything about Merlyn, was Lancelot and that was mostly because he had lived most of it with her. She had never told anyone everything like this.

"The prisoners she had, they were knights of Camelot. And when I was ten, I was the one trying to get information from them," Merlyn choked as a sob escaped her lips, teary eyes now looking up to the prince, pleading for forgiveness Merlyn was really not sure if she even deserved. "I was the one who sent the _heads_ of the knights back to your father, I was the reason Cenred attacked Camelot nine years ago and killed almost a _half_ of the citizens, knights and guards!" Arthur looked like he wanted to leave, but at the same time like he was trapped there, staring at her with wide eyes as she tried to wipe her cheeks dry.

"But the worst thing about everything about my time with the Priestess," she let out a dry bark of laughter, spearing her arms helplessly and spinning around to face the prince again completely, "was that I did not feel bad at the end of it! I lost the ability to feel guilty, I felt how I was falling to the darkness she was trying to push me in, I knew I was doing bad things but I didn't care! I.. I felt, I guess, at first at least, but I didn't care about it, so it just… _went away."_

*

_"It's time darling," the Priestess hummed, standing by the door of the dungeon. Merlyn tilted her head to the side but didn't return the smile anymore. She had lived with the woman for eight years now and had just turned eleven. The Priestess, who she had learned to adore in some twisted way even though she kind of resented her for stealing her away, had given her the freedom of taking care of their 'guests' and their needs. Merlyn was let in the dungeon and the door was flung close behind her, the girl walking forward with her black cloak flying ominously behind her. Blue eyes latched on to the mostly unmoving form of the knight, the red-cape, the killer-guard. Those were just some of the names the Priestess used when talking of them, the knights of Camelot._

_"A child?" The man choked, struggling weakly against the chains as Merlyn walked to the table, taking in the sigh before her. The man was still dressed in his cloak of red, but his torso was bare and covered in bruises from the questioning the Priestess had conducted. He had a thin trail of blood coming from his nose and neck where a small cut was already. A small, pale hand rose to touch it, to smear the blood in his skin and hers. The girl's face stayed stoic, eyes locked on the terrified green ones staring at her._

_A cold grin spread to her lips, as she brought her bloody fingers before her eyes, staring at them in wonder. "As red as your cape," she mused sweetly, flicking her gaze back to the man. "Did you know, that a sorcerer's blood is the same as yours, hm? That a witch or a warlock is no different from you, they are only talented in a way you are not."_

_"A sorcerer is a monster," he spat the word like a curse, "you are a child, you know nothing."_

_"Oh, but I do," Merlyn purred and with the flash of her eyes, a dagger appeared in front of the man, the tip pointing straight between his eyes. "I know everything. I was born like this, I never chose it, but you would not listen before dragging me to the stake. I am but a child, yes, but I am something much more than that too."_

_The knight was paling rapidly under the golden gaze of Merlyn, unblinking and cold. "What is that?" He whispered and Merlyn smirked again._

_"I am your worst nightmare. And you are going to tell me everything I want to know."_

_The fortress echoed with the screams of the man for hours after that._

*

"I told you that the Priestess wanted a weapon out of me, and… for a while I was one, without struggling. But then I got my wits back and remembered that she had kidnapped me, that I owed her _nothing_ and I should not be there. That I held no real grudge against Camelot, so why should I stay and be her weapon when I grow up properly, when I could do what I loved somewhere else," Merlyn continued and almost felt how Arthur relaxed. She felt a bit sorry for the man - the worst part was just coming. The witch had to skip a bit of her story then, so she would not accidentally mention the magic she had used during her escape.

"So, I escaped when I was twelve. I lived alone with only a sword and the clothes on my back for almost six months, begging for food, before.. before Gregor found me. He found me when the sun rose, sleeping half-starved under a tree in Mercia near Camelot's border, hugging my sword covered in rust and old blood like a toy and took pity on me, thinking I was just an orphan lost in the woods."

"That's when you met Lancelot and that Myror-guy, right?" The prince mumbled and got a tiny nod from Merlyn. "Do they have something to do with… with everything." Again, Merlyn nodded a bit.

"Sort of, I guess. Lancelot took me under his wing when I got there and after I showed Gregor that I was already skilled, he wanted me to be taught even more so he could make use of me. So Myror and Lance started to teach me. You know how that went, I became one of the best and so on," now Merlyn was getting really nervous, as they were moving to the topic that was the worst and the most important. It was a bit more easy to talk about her time with Gregor, only because she actually never used her magic during that time as she was trying to keep it hidden from everyone - except Lance, who found out accidentally. "The first year, until I turned thirteen, I was sort of a loner. Gregor adored me during that year, and he and Lancelot were the only people I really spoke to. Then… then came Mordred."

*

_Merlyn left Gregor's 'office' after receiving her first job. She had been living with the group for a year now and could not think of anything better - her days were mostly just training, hanging around with Lancelot and Gregor, but now she could actually do something with the skills she had. The only bad thing about her life right now, was Lancelot's constant yammering about 'feelings' and 'remorse' and 'how he wanted an honest job somewhere'. She liked the guy, she really did but she could not care less about those things. There was something missing from her life, yes, but she knew for a fact that it was not an honest life. She had heard of the so-called destiny she should have, but by the way things were going in her life, there was no way she could be the right person._

_A flash of dark clothing caught her attention as she rounded the corner, the figure trying to disappear from her sight but she was quick - Merlyn jumped to round the pillar and in the blink of an eye, her dagger was pressed on the boy's neck, close enough to draw blood if she so pleased. Her eyes landed first on an open mouth before rising to meet the pale grey eyes almost half a head higher than hers were. "Why are you following me?" Merlyn hissed. She had seen the boy before, but never really cared enough to do anything. Right now, she was already tense enough as she was expecting eagerly her first mission._

_"I-I'm sorry," the boy choked, the apple in his throat scraping the blade as it bobbed up and down. "I just wanted to meet you finally."_

_"Well, you met me now," she scoffed, withdrawing the dagger and shoving it to her belt. "Now get lost." The boy got no chance to say anything to her as she already turned around and walked off. But he was stubborn and followed her again, this time not trying to hide. Merlyn rolled her eyes as she felt him walk behind her, both his warmth and his magic. She was lucky enough to have learned how to mask hers._

_"I'm Mordred," she heard him pipe up behind her. She didn't even turn or answer him, just walked forward to get to the yard as fast as she could. "And you're Merlyn, right?" Again, no answer. She had no interest in getting to know the boy, he already looked like he was besotted with her and she didn't give a damn. There was no room for getting distracted with anyone in her life._

_The yard of the abandoned fortress was a wreck, as it had not been tended in years, but it served well as a practice field for the group. At the far end, Merlyn saw Lancelot sparring with Myror, the older man glared at Merlyn and made her smirk a bit. She enjoyed the man's resentment against her, as she knew it was because she was already getting better than him at only thirteen. It was a shame, the man had been the best before her._

_"Merlyn," the boy called her again. Sighing, she turned to the boy, glaring at him expectantly. "I, uh. I think you're great, and I, um, I look forward to, maybe, getting to know you."_

_She never answered._

*

"Mordred was _completely_ fallen for me already, even before we talked. I tried to push him away for a long while, but at some point… we kind of connected," she admitted, now walking forward to the place where the note was found. Merlyn heard Arthur's footsteps behind her from a long, safe distance but didn't point out that she didn't even have her weapons. He really had no reason to worry as she would never hurt him, but he clearly did not trust her enough right now. "Mordred was a strange boy. He was taken as a child too, but straight to Gregor. He had magic, and it made him even more powerful, and that added to his skills… let's just say he was Gregor's favorite for a reason. But there was another reason he was his favorite, other than his skills I mean."

They reached the edge of the clearing. Merlyn's eyes were glued to one of the trees, to the dagger stuck to it, almost glowing in the sunlight. "What was the reason?" Arthur asked tightly, staring at her and not the sight in front of them. Merlyn sighed silently, closing her eyes for a moment. This was it, there was no turning back anymore.

"He felt nothing. _Absolutely_ nothing, except he had this delusion that we were in love, so I suppose he felt love in some way," Merlyn answered quietly, avoiding Arthur's eyes again. "From a young age, he liked to do what we did and dedicated his life and all his time to it. I don't know if it was Gregor's influence or if it was just how he was, but… he had these obsessions of sorts. With his magic, he could torment his targets for days, and then torture them before actually doing the job and killing them. And…" there was a small break, as Merlyn took a deep breath and opened her eyes to see the prince again, "…and later, he said that he believed that the eyes were the windows for the soul, and even after death the soul would see if the eyes were open. So he started to cut their eyelids off."

There was a long silence while Arthur processed her words and Merlyn watched how realization slowly dawned on his face, eyes flinging quickly to hers. She offered him a small, sad smile but nodded, confirming his doubts. "So, this Mordred… _he's_ the one behind all this?" He asked, shocked as he waived his hand to the scene. A twinge of guilt appeared in her chest, but Merlyn had no time to even answer when his mouth opened again, "…you said you connected. What did you mean?" Arthur's voice was almost shaking, and Merlyn had a suspicion that the man already knew but wanted to be wrong.

*

_"If I had know you were going to join this mission, I would have declined," Merlyn grumbled as Mordred jogged to catch her when she left the fortress. The boy, now aged sixteen, smirked at her slightly. He had grown taller and was now almost a head taller than Merlyn was, with a curly black hair framing his face. Everyone said that Merlyn and Mordred looked a lot like each other as they both were pale with dark hair, the only exception was their eyes - Mordred's were extremely pale blue, almost grey, and Merlyn's were dark blue like the sky after the sun had set. She had to admit though, the young man was good-looking so in that way she had no problem that people thought they should be together more. "You better not be like Lancelot and try to keep me in line."_

_"Oh, don't worry," he hummed nonchalantly, winking at her with that weird, knowing smile on his lips, "I have no reason to do anything like that." Frowning she stared at him for a moment, but never said anything and just kept going to her borrowed horse. She almost had enough money to buy her own finally, the witch was getting annoyed with borrowing Lancelot's mare all the time._

_Their target was a couple just a few hours away. The person, a jealous woman, wanted both of them gone after being rejected. Even a small reason like that made Merlyn gleeful, as she had a chance to do something she wanted to do. She was no longer even thinking of being Emrys or fulfilling her so-called destiny - she no longer had a chance to be that person. From what Nimueh had told when she was a child, Emrys was hope and light and goodness all wrapped in one person, but Merlyn was not that. She still felt like she was missing something from her life, but at least her job brought some sense of fulfillment to it as she took over other people's revenges and grudges. The blood on her hands had been there for years, the feeling of delight when a person lost the light in their eyes and the happiness she only felt when she got to do what she did best, those things were the only things Merlyn found any joy from, as fleeting as it was._

_Mordred was the one to flush the couple out with his magic - he sent voices to their heads, made strange noises in dark corners and made them feel uncontrollable fear with only a simple spell. A blonde man and a red-headed woman ran out of the little cottage near the forest, and Merlyn followed them. No one ever knew how she could be so silent and fast at the same time - the secret was a wordless masking spell and her ability to slow the time, so she could get closer easier. Even Mordred knew nothing and he was literally just two steps behind her._

_Two crude robes flung in the air and wrapped around their feet, dragging them forcefully against the trees just to be tied to them. Merlyn glanced over her shoulder and saw the blazing gold eyes staring back at her, Mordred sending her a wink and nodding as if giving a permission. She briefly wondered what the young man had heard about her._

_"Tsk-tsk, dears, no reason to run," Merlyn purred sweetly as she appeared in the pale moonlight, a small smile on her lips. "Or well, every reason to run, but no chance to do it." The way the woman was shrieking was already getting to Merlyn's nerves, so she briskly walked to her and pulled a white-hilted dagger from her belt, stroking the redhead's neck with the tip. "If you don't shut up, I will cut out your vocal chords and feed them to your lover here." Silence reigned almost immediately and made Merlyn smile wide, now directing her attention to the man to her left, also pinned to the tree but pressing his lips tightly together._

_"What do you want?" He eventually choked out, eyes flicking between Merlyn and Mordred, who had walked beside her. The warlock was not looking at their targets, but at Merlyn, like he was waiting for her to do something he wanted to see._

_"Do you two remember Greta?" Both of their eyes widened at the name, and it brought a delighted smile to her lips again. "Ah, perfect, no need for me to explain. Greta, the dear young lady that she is, sort of.. lost her mind after she was rejected. Said something about 'if I don't get him, neither should she and he should watch her die, as painfully and slowly as possible'. Pretty words from a pretty lady, might I add." While she was talking, Merlyn had slowly walked behind the man and was now crouching behind him, tapping the flat of her dagger on his trembling shoulder._

_"_ Sooo _, we are here to fulfill that wish," she whispered in the man's ear and watched over his shoulder how Mordred went to the redhead, eyes already blazing cold. Merlyn did not know what kind of spells he knew - for a moment, she wanted to reveal her own and show how it was done - but hoped he knew a good one, a painful one. "Mordred there, is a warlock. And he will do what has been wished. Isn't that right, Mordred-dear?"_

_The golden gaze flung to her now and a pleased smile spread to Mordred's lips. "Of course," he purred, squatting in front of the woman. "But the thing is… I like to do things my own way too." And then a spell left his lips - **'bítan unseldan'** -  and the woman started to scream again, as cut after cut appeared in her skin, most of them shallow and healing right away, but some of them deep enough that they would leave a scar - if she lived, that was. Merlyn memorized the spell for later too._

_Eyes locked on the woman, Merlyn felt a smile spread on her lips - she didn't feel bad for either of them, not really. Pain was not good, but orders were orders. But, ever so slowly, her eyes moved to the man who was the reason for the pain and saw an expression there that mimicked her own and golden eyes locked on her face. For the first time, she genuinely smiled at him, whispering mock-endearments to the tied man's ear, but her eyes never left Mordred's._

_"I think you've suffered enough," Mordred mused after almost an hour, when the woman was no longer screaming but only whimpering, bleeding from almost everywhere. The man crouched in front of her again, a curved dagger in his hand. His long fingers trailed the cuts on the redheads skin, a look of wonder in his eyes before it turned gleeful again and the dagger cut the skin of her wrists, the only place where there were no cuts. The bleeding out was slow, so Mordred had time to speak to her still, "there is a legend that says that the eyes are a soul's window… and that the soul sees after death too. I want to make you see."_

_There was a sickening wet sound and more whimpering from the woman, as she was still barely alive when Mordred finished her masterpiece - soon enough the dull, milky-white eyes stared blankly at the tied man as the last breath left her and the man was screaming from the top of his lungs now. Silently, Merlyn shushed him, stroking his cheeks with her blade. "Don't worry, dear," she whispered, eyes locked with Mordred's, "you should be happy that she's the last thing you see."_

_A smirk spread to her face again, as she leaned forward over his shoulder to see his face better the same time the blade made a deep cut on his cheek - a warm feeling spread to her chest from hearing him whimper. Relentlessly, the sharp edge of the dagger made more cuts here and there, always agonizingly slowly - she would have been much more efficient with her magic, but not while Mordred was staring at her._

_Slowly, she moved in front of the man, tilting her head to the side as if intrigued by the sight. "Maybe I should let you go," Merlyn said thoughtfully and saw he flare of hope in the man's eyes. "Greta was more angry with the redhead over there. What do you think?"_

_"Yes, yes! Please, let me go!" He pleaded, struggling against the bonds. Merlyn heard the questioning sound from Mordred, but ignored it, only leaned closer to the man, pursing her lips a bit._

_"Nah, you don't deserve it. You didn't even plead for your love to be spared during her painful torture. There's no room for men like you," she said cheerfully and in one strong move, slashed her blade across his throat, the blood sprang to freedom in a huge, joyful spurt and spread all over Merlyn too. "Say bye-bye, dear."_

_Merlyn stood up then to watch her handiwork with a satisfied smile on her face, but the moment snapped as a hand came to her shoulder. She turned to its owner, coming face to face with Mordred. His eyes were wide and shining with emotions Merlyn did not recognize or even know he could feel. His hand trailed slowly from her shoulder along her automatically arching neck to her cheek and cupping it softly. With his other hand, he swiped her other cheek, to wipe away the blood that was almost all over her face at that moment - or so she thought, but he just raised the finger to his own face and licked the blood away while smiling wickedly at her. Her mostly red-stained hand came up to his face, thumb stroking his lower lip, painting it red for a moment, before he licked it clean. Before Merlyn even managed to think anything, she was letting out a loud groan and crashing against him, lips meeting his and arms wrapped tightly around his neck. She tasted blood on his lips along with some sort of a sweet fruit he had probably eaten before they left and smelled the almost intoxicating scent he had._

_"You really are the most beautiful this way, my little bunny," she heard him purr, making Merlyn moan against his lips and soon enough they were falling on the ground, all tangled up and savoring each other's bodies, clothes flying everywhere next to their first joined mission._  

*

"To be honest, I was _worse_ than him," Merlyn finally managed to say as the memory faded, swallowing against the lump in her throat. There was no sound coming from Arthur, so she walked to the center of the clearing. "I was messed up by the Priestess, but I think there was a part of me that needed it all. I had never seen anything but death, and blood, a-and _misery_. So, I thought that was the only way I should and could live, so that's why I loved being an assassin. But then, I met Mordred, and his… _actions_ , spurred mine forward. At first, I never did it if it was not a job, but he… it became a game for us. He might have been an emotionless bastard, but me? I felt _joy_ and I loved it. I felt _everything."_

Her hand gestured to the tree, where the dagger was stuck. "That blade, that is the exact one I used," the warrior explained silently, but made no move to get it. Arthur did though, after a moment and then he just stood there staring at it, thumb gingerly touching the carved letter on the hilt. "While Mordred used magic and… and took out their eyelids, I did this-" she spread her arms again to gesture the scene, "-I tied them, cut them repeatedly, made them bleed over and over again, sometimes left them there for days to starve. I gave them false hope of getting away, and then I crushed it, killing them. All the while, he watched… and I watched him." Even when she had sworn never to lie to straight out lie to Arthur, she could not tell him that they had had a thing. She remembered all too well the way she had felt a sick ecstasy and fondness when watching Mordred handle his targets for the first time, thinking it was love. They always watched each other and then had sex right there, before the bodies. Merlyn was not sure which part of it was the worst, the watching or the sex. Probably both.

"We were sick, I know. _Please_ don't look at me like that," she begged as the prince's eyes shone with disgust and had to turn away from him again. "I was so deep in the darkness and the only reason I was not worse and completely drowning in it, was Lancelot. He tried to talk some sense into me, tried to stop me from going back to Mordred, tried to make me better… but I thought I was happy. I had a beautiful man who was like me,  wrapped around my little finger, a job I thought I loved and needed, and no reason to be better. But I think some part of me kept on hanging on to his words."

Her hands were trying to grasp the hilt of her sword until she remembered that it was where they had been at first. She looked back up to the prince now, a hesitant but happier smile on her lips now. "Then I met Gwaine," Merlyn stated, startling the prince from whatever thought he was having. "I was appalling then too, with no reason to think that someone like me could be a good person. I was just a killer, someone who took lives for money, an evil, heartless shell with a vast knowledge of pain and death… but then a drunk fighter came, viciously killing a man who tried to rape a young, fifteen year old girl who he didn't even know and then when the man was dead, the ruthless side vanished and he comforted her."

Gwaine really had been a turning point in her life, if one believed in those things. Merlyn had forgotten to thank him properly, explain why he was such an important person in her life. She was sure the knight knew in some way, but maybe he too deserved her whole story by this point. "…he showed me, that you could be a bit dark, but good too. That, what I did when I held a weapon, did not only make me that person. It was a slow thing to realize, but when I was almost sixteen, I stopped everything with Mordred. But Gregor did not like that." Merlyn still remembered the mortified look on the druid's face when Merlyn stopped coming to watch him, and when she snapped at him and ordered him to stop bothering her.

Footsteps came closer now, making Merlyn look up and see the prince a bit closer. He looked disgusted and scared still, but there was a small glimpse of worry in him too. It was probably quite clear in her voice that things had not gone well after that. "What did he do..?" The prince asked quietly, holding the dagger loosely in his hand. Merlyn huffed a bit, taking the blade from him in slow, reassuring movements just to spin it in her hands as she flopped to sit on a blood-stained rock near the rope-covered trees.

The feeling of telling everything to the prince was strange, but little by little it was like a huge, dragon-sized boulder was slowly rolled from her shoulders. "After those things, I had that.. agreement, with Lancelot and two other men too, as he had something going on with other girls there. We never loved each other, never wanted anything but sex. But Mordred still hated us for it, and I think he said something to Gregor because he started to sent me to missions with Mordred more often than usually. Mordred tried to win me back by doing things I used to do, and… it was hard. It was like a drug, an obsession or something and I was the addict in that situation."

"Did you ever… do those things again?"

Sadly, Merlyn had to nod. "I did. Not a lot, but just after I turned seventeen I really stopped," she sighed, tracing the dirt she had on her trousers with the tip of the blood-stained dagger. "While I was trying hard to keep myself from slipping completely, a lot of things made me… made me worse."

Arthur was keeping his lips pressed as if trying to keep himself from yelling, at least what she could deduce from the slow reddening of his face. "My mind… it was a complete mess already after stopping the killings, and because of the killings and the Priestess too, but the people in the group did not understand, least of all Gregor. H-he ordered be to get beaten regularly, and then to be thrown in the cells for weeks at a time with barely enough food to keep me alive and water two mouthfuls a day," she laughed almost frantically now and got up, waiving her dagger-holding hand around anxiously. "I admit, I went insane there. Like, _literally_ insane."

*

_Two weeks. It had been two weeks since Merlyn had seen sunlight last, two week since she had heard a friendly voice, two weeks since she had been able to move. The only thing she had seen during the time, had been darkness, rats and Mordred bringing her food and forcing water down her throat to make sure she lived - and she really did not want to live. The thought of dying was a constant companion, nagging in the back of her head all the time and eventually, Merlyn had started to listen to it. There was really no way to escape - the only cuffs Gregor owned were magic-restricting ones, so they kept even Merlyn there._

_'You would have loved living with me, Merlyn,' a voice whispered on her left making her jerk in her chains, the voice eerily resembling the Priestess. It was a voice she had hoped never to hear, and now she was either there or her mind was playing tricks on her._

_'You're not strong enough, Emrys,' another voice, Nimueh cackled. Merlyn pressed her eyes shut when the shape of the other Priestess appeared in the corner of her eye, shaking her head furiously, whimpering, pleading them to stop and just take her away. She struggled against the chains, gasping when they pulled against the already raw, almost bloody skin of her wrists._

_"Let me go!" She screamed, eyes hopelessly flashing gold but it just brought pain when her magic tried to smash against the barriers._

_'You know I love you, little bunny,' a hollow voice whispered across the cell, pale eyes staring at her from the shadows, 'you will never leave me.'_

_Merlyn screeched furiously, trashing against the hold of the cuffs, eyes opening finally and coming face to face with milky-white eyes redhead with cuts all over her. Behind the woman, there were several dozen of people, all just staring at her, all in different states of decay, and all staring at her, eyes drilling against her face. "No, no, nononono… you're dead! You're_ not _here!"_

 _'We are always here,' a cold feeling passed her when the redhead's hand stroked Merlyn's tear-stained cheek, 'we never left. You killed us, and we always follow you… we are in your mind, your heart… your soul.'_  

*

There were too many weeks of the same thing in her memories. Before the first hallucinations came, she had been in the dungeons three times already, always in silence and seeing only Mordred during that time. Even Lancelot never came. "I lost count how much time I spent in the dungeons, my wrists chained over my head, beaten several times a day and then healed with Mordred's magic." Merlyn sighed. Her back was turned to Arthur again, but she heard how his breath hitched a bit at the mention of magic. "When I was there the fourth time though, I started to see and hear things. The people I killed during my jobs or for fun, the people I tortured for the Priestess, my mother… they said that I should just give up and kill myself the next time I got out."

"Why didn't you?" The question made Merlyn freeze mid-pace, and ever so slowly turn to the prince, eyes wide and slightly shocked - he did have a good reason to be disgusted with her but she would've never though he wanted her dead. But Arthur seemed to understand that his question sounded a bit too blunt, as he went a bit red and corrected himself, "I mean.. what changed? How are you not… you know, like _that_ now?"

The witch huffed a bit, running her fingers through her hair. "Without magic, I might be," she admitted and raised a hand at the man to stop him from saying whatever he was about to say. "I know you hate magic, but it has done good things for me, not just bad." She got an extremely doubtful look from the prince, but tried to ignore it as well as she could. The next thing she had to tell, was not the worst but it was one that was not completely in the past.

"Almost three weeks before I eventually escaped, I had a dream,"  Merlyn told the prince with a smile, but never looked at him. "I saw a kingdom with a white castle, a golden king that ruled the land fairly for everyone, and… there was a voice. A low rumble, not human as far as I could tell, that said that I needed to fight. That there was so much I had yet done, so much I was going to do…" When she described the dream, Arthur's eyes widened again - there were no other kingdoms with a white-stoned castle.

"So the next day I…" Merlyn almost revealed that she had done the spell, but got her wits back together just in time. "I-I went to a witch. She was there too, in the group. She was a lot more powerful than Mordred, so I knew she could help me."

"Help you?" The prince choked out, once more shocked of how easily Merlyn went to magic for help. Sure enough, she never went to it for help - she just used it, but he could not know that. Merlyn felt really bad about keeping it a secret, but the man had never said anything good about magic or sorcerers. To be honest, Merlyn had never actually said that she did not have magic and she never lied about going to it for help, so if the prince someday found out, he could not say that she tried to lie about. The bad thing was that she lied about other things that were no less serious.

*

_"Don't do this, Merlyn, you don't know what it'll do to you," Lancelot begged, pleading brown eyes locked on her face as Merlyn paced in front of him in the small room she had once shared with Mordred. Her mind and body were going slowly out of control, so if she did not do this now… well, she might never be able to again. Her magic was the strongest there was, if Nimueh had told her the truth, so a block placed by her would have to hold. But she knew no spells to do it, and did not dare to push her luck with this - if it went wrong, she might block out the good, sane part of herself by accident._

_"I have to, Lance," she whispered, head jerking a bit to the side involuntarily. The slowly building madness and the thoughts and voices and urges to **killkillkill** and **diediedie** had created small, twitching movements that she had no control over, as if her body was trying to make her do something but something stopped it before anything happened. That and the fact that he was no longer completely in control over the darkness roaming inside her, there was really no choice anymore. "I cannot h-hold it in anymore, I just can't. I… I don't want to lose everything I've been trying to become... The world does not need a mad Emrys, w-who needs to spill blood to feel… _happiness _and has no sane t-thoughts in her head. It's too dangerous."_

_She gave Lancelot no chance to say anything else - not that the man could even argue anymore - and flopped to sit on the floor cross-legged, palms against her knees and trying to calm her ragged breath with her eyes closed. She did not know any spells, but knew that she could pray. She had never done it, she did not know if the Goddess' even cared for her after she had strayed so far from the path she was supposed to walk, but there was no choice. Another deep breath and as she exhaled, her eyelids fluttered open to reveal the golden hue slowly spreading on them. Her voice, just a moment ago shaking and frail, was now deep, steady and powerful, **"ic I bidde þu belúcan nihtscúa, Gyden æblæce. Ic foreþingian forgiefednes, ádón mé."**_

_She had no hope for help, no hope for salvation and as the seconds rolled away, her blazing eyes slid slowly to a dagger lying on the other side of the room. The white hilt almost shone in the moonlight, looking like the torch of freedom she needed so badly right then. But before she could even think of sending it flying at her own chest, she heard a whisper. It was not a whisper like the others that were cruel, hollow and taunting - no this… this was gentle, loving and it made Merlyn feel like she had already died and passed the Veil to peace. 'Emrys,' it whispered. She knew not if it was a woman or a man, a high or a low voice, but it filled her ears as if it was right there in the room but the same time it was like a shout at the end of a tunnel. 'My dear child, you are in pain.'_

_The world had stopped without Merlyn's magic, so Lancelot knew not of the tears of joy and relief rolling on her cheeks, when the witch looked up. There was nothing, but it felt right. "I am so sorry, Cerridwen," she choked, instantly knowing what to call the voice. A warmth touched her shoulder, like a hand of a mother comforting the shaking, vulnerable witch with the blazing eyes. "I'm lost and I cannot find my way back.. I am losing my mind, and I d-don't want to be that person anymore. I want to be who you need, I want to be_ Emrys _."_

_'The path of Albion is something you could never get lost on, it is who you are, my child, not who you need to become. You are everything, you are magic and humanity, brutality and softness, life and death, light and dark,' the voice soothed her, but the thoughts of her mind were screaming again, the serenity of the Goddess threatened to leave as the first victim faintly made itself knows in the corner of Merlyn's eye. 'But before you are able to control everything you need to be, until you are strong enough and you have everything to lose, until you have someone dear to lose...'_

_"W-will you help me, Gyden æblæce?" She whimpered, eyes roaming over the ghosts that were appearing one at a time, floating closer and closer. But Merlyn never got an answer before the world started to move again and a blinding, white light surrounded her and Lancelot. A heartbreaking scream left her lips as the golden color in her eyes seemed to brighten so much Lancelot could not look at them, only shut his eyes and try to comfort the witch slumping on the floor, screams and whimpers of agony filling the room along with the bright white and gold. But even with the pain, she knew she would be safe - and she smiled through the agony._

*

"I don't know exactly what happened, but the insane, dark and ruthless part of me," Merlyn tried to explain, thinking through the words she said, "it's still there, but the same time… it's _not_." Arthur looked like he had lost track of what she was saying already, at least it looked like it in the way he stared at her blankly. Merlyn's mouth twitched into a small smile, she never understood how a man sometimes to slow was such a great warrior. He could make quick decisions in battle, but when it came to understanding what Merlyn tried desperately to explain, he had no clue about anything.

"It's like.. behind a wall of sorts. On a normal day when nothing special happens and there's just training and things like that, I don't even remember it. But then, when the situation goes to hell, it starts to rage against the wall and I struggle to keep it away," she said, all the while searching the prince's face for some sort of an emotion. "When you were bitten by the Questing Beast, I came close to forcing the wall down."

The admission made the man jerk a bit, wide almost scared eyes snapping to hers. "Why would you do that?" He asked in a tight voice and made Merlyn smile again. The smile seemed to confuse Arthur even more.

"Because as much as I hate that part of myself… the gal got things done. She did everything she could with no worries of dying, or messing things up so she rarely got nervous, but.. she also cared about _nothing_ , so it might have made me forget about saving you and I really could not let that happen. I don't know what would happen to me or the people I now actually care about if she ever got free," Merlyn admitted quietly, biting her lip tightly when Arthur's face seemed to contort to a mix of anger, disbelief and some sort of sick joy that Merlyn did not understand.

"So.. you being, well, _you_ , is hanging on the hope that magic is something to be trusted with?" Asked the prince next and made Merlyn scoff hard, throwing her arms up again. Of course he would dismiss everything else and focus on the magic. How the hell could she ever tell him anything?!

"Oh, would you just _give it up_ already!" She yelled, throwing the dagger to the ground just to keep herself from using it. The darkness was once again banging against the barriers, and made her very twitchy - the prince looked very alarmed when Merlyn's hand jerked involuntarily several times, and her head too a bit. "Forget the _goddamn_ magic for a moment, and just… please, listen to me. The way you are looking at me now, it is exactly why I did not want to tell you, or anyone. You're the only one who knows if Lancelot and Mordred don't count, and speaking of him, the bloody _psychopathic_ bastard is out there!"

"I know he is, but I need to know why he would leave a note to you!" The prince retorted angrily, eyes roaming over her hands as they trembled on her sides. She had to close her eyes and take deep breaths to calm herself down. The last thing she really needed was for her magic to go out of control. "Merlyn, explain it to me. Why would he do that?"

"Because he wants that girl back he knew then, he wants his accomplice back," she answered, voice barely more than a whisper and peeked between her eyelids to see the man. "Do you remember when I disappeared for days and then acted cold again? And how Gwaine mentioned me vanishing like dust to the wind the night he and Percival came to Camelot?"

"Yes, I do," Arthur muttered, eyebrows knitting together again as he did not really follow her words again.

Nodding, she placed her hands to her hips and sighed heavily. "The first time, I-I heard rumors of bodies outside of Camelot. I recognized the way Mordred killed his victims, so I went to see them and followed the trail.. The bodies he has been leaving, there's always a black-haired, pale girl among them, always in different ages. They represent _me!_ Then, when I was coming back, I found a note in one of the victims' hand… it asked if I liked his gifts and that I should remember what he promised."

"And what is that?" The prince asked, shifting uncomfortably on his feet, glancing over to the direction where their horses were.

" _'I promise, my darlin' Merlyn… One day, I will be the only thing you need. Where ever you go, whenever I want to and whoever you think you hold dear, I will find you and take you_.'" She quoted the words Mordred had said to her after their tenth joined job. At the time, the words had been almost beautiful to her cruel mind. "In translation, everything he does now, everyone he kills… they are because he wants me back. And when I vanished from the tavern, it was because I knew he was out there in the woods and I had to make sure he would not try to come inside the walls. He taunted me, tried to make me break and then when I declined everything, he said that he will have to bring _'her'_ back. "

"The person you were?" She heard Arthur ask, and saw the man shiver a bit. It was a natural reaction when one thought of what Merlyn had done and what she had been like.

"Yeah, I think so… and that's why it's really hard for me to be around you all, that's why I feel so much regret about that night with you and… and I just feel like everything I do with you and the others, I'm constantly putting you all in danger and I really don't want to do that," the witch muttered, voice tight and eyes screwed shut again. "You people have become too important to me, and I can't risk the dark part of me getting out, or Mordred getting his hands on any one of you."

 _"Why_ have you not told me any of this before?!" Arthur finally let himself bellow. Just barely Merlyn was able to keep herself from jumping at the sound of Arthur drawing his sword, but luckily he just stabbed it to the ground. "We have had so many meetings about the bodies and what to do, and this whole time you've known who we are looking for!"

"He has magic, Arthur," sighed Merlyn, rubbing her eyes a bit. "You would not find him even if you wanted to, or if he does not want to be found. And now that I know he's planning on something, he won't be coming out of his hiding."

"That does not explain why you did not tell me, Merlyn!" He grumbled as he walked to her, and now got her to jerk backwards, wide dark eyes latched on to his narrowed ones. "Do you trust me so little?!"

Tears were forming in her eyes and she had to swallow a couple of times before daring to speak, "I trust you with my _life_ , Arthur, but… I guess I was ashamed." Her voice shook and was barely audible. Merlyn's hands wrapped tightly around her middle, trying to give herself some comfort. "You are the closest person in my life right now, and I-I didn't want to ruin that with things that I have n-no control over…"

A small sound of rustling leaves reached her ears as Arthur slowly walked closer to her and soon his big hands were placed on her upper arms, squeezing a bit. "I know two things," he started, voice still tight with now suppressed anger but forced to stay even. It made her risk a look up to his eyes. "The first is that any one of us would _happily_ take the risk if it meant you would not leave and that you'd finally be able to relax completely."

Merlyn felt her body relax one by one in his hold and she let him trail his hands down along her arms, and sneak to her waist. "And the second thing?" The warrior murmured, eyes never leaving the light blue ones looking down at her and felt how his hold turned firm, almost like he wanted to pull her closer but did not know if he should - Merlyn _really_ hoped he would.

"That you need to be more honest with me from now on," he answered with a heavy sigh, looking a bit lost himself too, like a younger version of him. The selfish part of her, the part that was jealous of Gwen and Arthur, and wanted to yell _screw the rules_ , wanted to just pull the man down and really taste his lips better than the last time. "I don't care if he comes after me because of the night we had, and I'll make sure everyone is protected, but you need to trust us all. Especially me."

"You don't.. you don't hate me right now? For keeping this all secret, for being that person or.. anything?" Eventually she got the courage ask, trying not to let her mind travel to the warm hands still on her waist with no indication of moving anywhere from there. "I've been fretting over this whole thing because I thought you'd.. banish me if you had a good day."

"Oh, I _am_ angry, believe me," the prince answered with a shrug, but the corner of his mouth twitched a bit, "but I already knew that you were an assassin. And no one is such a good actor that they could lie about everything you just told me, including you not being that person anymore. It'll take me time to get used to the idea that you have a _magical_ wall in your pretty little head-" he tapped the side of her head with his finger and made Merlyn grin a bit, "-and I will have a lot of questions, but... I think I'll get over it. Eventually." Eagerly, she nodded and tried to ignore the pang of regret she felt - there were still a lot of things Merlyn was keeping from him. There would be time for that, she was sure of it. The only thing she cared that moment, was that Arthur pulled her to a tight hug and did not let go for several minutes.

 

**A**

 

It was not enough for Arthur to have a bad day before they left for the patrol. He had been sleeping badly for a few days, mind whirling on everything from his duties to Merlyn and to the kingdom again. His father had been insisting that Arthur joined the council more, just to get a hang of everything that happened there, and that meant that his mind was filled with information about grain, harvest and petty disputes of the villagers, and then there was the extra worry he had for his sister - Morgana had been sent strange gifts for a few days now, and even though the princess did not think anything of them, Arthur was just waiting for a deranged man in love with the girl to show up any day now. And then, there was Merlyn, of course - when were his thought not about her? The prince had been doing a pretty good job of not showing his real thoughts about her nonchalant behavior about their night together, even though he was very close to bursting from it. He was in seventh heaven about it, but also in horrible, _heartbreaking_ pain. He was not sure if her behavior had something to do with Leon - or some other man, who knew? - or just about her not really wanting anything to do with the prince in that way. He did not want to have her as just a mistress, _hell no_ , and Merlyn had admitted that she had been dreaming about it, but... then she said it was _not_ because of Leon? Arthur's whole idea of why he could not do anything with Merlyn had been based on two things; first being that Merlyn was a commoner and that his father would never approve it, and the second had been that Merlyn and Leon had something going on between them. But both of them were now thrown in the gutter - Merlyn's father was a noble. Sure, he was a fugitive, or had been if he really was dead, but that still meant that Merlyn was not a commoner. It was not like he was going to go to his father with it, Merlyn would probably be executed about it, but it was enough for Arthur to know - maybe someday? And then, Merlyn had nothing going on with anyone by the sound of things. She did have feelings for someone - Arthur found himself comparing the man she had talked about to himself, but had a bit of a hard time to believe it true - but it still meant that she was free. But then again, Merlyn was still saying that it was something to just forget about, and he had not understood it at all.

But then, it sort of made sense, when Merlyn finally told him everything - _Merlyn_ made sense now.

Arthur was not actually angry - he was more _confused_ than anything. Everything Merlyn told him swirled in his mind the rest of his day and the night too, as he laid under the covers staring at the canopy of his four-poster bed. He had no idea where to start unraveling everything he had now learned about the warrior. The prince had hoped that she'd soon tell him everything, and he had know that there would be unpleasant things, but he had had no idea how much unpleasant things! The thing was, that he had thought that Merlyn had some emotional scars from her past and that's why she did not talk about it, but what he had not know was that her whole past was one, huge emotional scar.

The first thing he had already known from the moment she said it, was that he could not blame the warrior for twisting completely during her early childhood. There was a possibility, that she had been controlled with magic, but Merlyn had seemed so sure that she had not been controlled with spells or potions - and it was not possible that she had been able to escape if there really was magic involved. But he still could not blame her, a child was very easily manipulated and influenced. Arthur would know that, as he too had been taught from a young age and those things would not leave him as an adult. The thing that did bother him a bit, was the fact that she had tortured Camelot's knights. But that too was part of her being raised for it, so he could not be a hypocrite and hate her for that - if she had been working for another kingdom then, she would have probably  _died_ if she had tried to fight back.

Arthur had already known she had been an assassin and a skilled one, but the knowledge that she actually been a coldhearted _killer_ at one point made him very nervous. He was bound to Camelot as a knight, prince and a future king, so technically he should be executing the warrior right now - but like he had said to Merlyn, no one was that good of a liar, especially not Merlyn; the girl was abysmal at it when she tried to lie at the prince. And there was no deception in her eyes, only fear and nervousness, so… how could she be lying about her past? The story had been so long and told practically without hesitation - well, except the parts about magic, but that he could somewhat understand - so there was no way it was all a lie. And he already knew that the warrior was blaming herself for the deaths and the attacks on the kingdom - mainly on Arthur - so why should he make the pain worse? Merlyn was just like Arthur in that way, as she had a bad habit of torturing herself with bad decisions and memories far too much. And she was not a person who let go of that pain easily, so maybe Arthur should try and help? She was already taking too much to herself to handle, as she had been protecting all of them from finding out - that too, was a weird thing to do, but truth be told, Arthur envied Morgana right now because the princess had no idea. And the way Merlyn beat herself up for sleeping with Arthur? That was terrible too. He knew that she had enjoyed herself and that she did not really regret it, but if that Mordred was really such a possessive, obsessed psychopath, Merlyn could be putting the prince in danger if she allowed herself that again.

And the magical wall? That was one thing he was not sure what to think about. On one hand, it was _magic_ so there was no trusting it, but on the other hand… it was keeping her sane. And everyone else safe. It was awful to think of Merlyn as an enemy, but he could understand it - he had seen her skills, so if Merlyn one day lost her humanity… it would be horrible. Terrifying, for even him. Arthur could not even imagine what it would be like if _he_ would have to hunt Merlyn down and execute her for doing such awful things. And he could not imagine having a magical wall in his head and knowing that it something went wrong, he could be a totally different person, something from his worst nightmares - and he somehow knew that Merlyn had been ten times worse he could even imagine.

But… he still loved the girl - and that was strange, as it seemed that his love only got deeper and stronger now that he knew everything about the warrior, like there was no barriers between them anymore. He was a bit conflicted with it now, because it felt almost wrong to feel so strongly of someone who only now let him in her life - it had been over nine months already, but... something about her just pulled him in every time he learned something new. The reason he had first gotten interested in her had been the fact that she was not one of those sickly-sweet, 'perfect' ladies that he saw in the castle every day, but a ragged, messy, adventurous woman who was not afraid of getting dirty and a bit bloody. She had a sharp mouth, an attitude like none other, set of skills that were a match to the prince himself and looks that made even the strongest of men to drool. He had hoped that after he found out everything, the mystery of Merlyn would not vanish and she would still be Merlyn - well, now it felt like she was now _more_ like her than before. She now had a story, a place where she came and even struggles and sadness and anger and weakness'. But he could not shake the feeling, that she did not feel… _complete_. Like there was something he was still missing. Merlyn had promised that there would be no more lies, but something was definitely missing still, but Arthur had no idea where to start looking for it. But one thing was for sure - Arthur was not about to let her go just because what she had been in the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spells:
> 
> bítan unseldan = cut repeatedly
> 
> Ic I bidde þu belúcan nihtscúa, Gyden æblæce. Ic foreþingian forgiefednes, ádón mé =  
> I pray to lock the darkness, White Goddess. I plead for forgiveness, set me free


	18. Sorcerer!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Torture, but not too graphic once again. Just a heads up, as the chapter will have a lot of it.

"You aren't still blaming yourself about everything?" She was asked while her blade stopped Arthur's parry over her head. She twisted it, getting the man off balance the same time and taking the chance to skip a bit further away. He stumbled slightly, but recovered fairly quickly and took his stance again, a knowing look in his bright eyes. "None of us blame you."

Growling quietly, Merlyn attacked now. She feigned a jab to his left, but quickly changed direction to his right to land a kick on his side. "I am blaming myself, and there's really nothing you could say to stop it," she grumbled, backing up when the prince got his balance again and wiped the sweat off his brow. "Mordred would not be hunting in this kingdom if I was not here, so please tell me why this should not be my fault?" Without giving him any chance to answer yet, Merlyn jumped forward with her blade swinging in a wide, but accurate arc, going for his head. She had her dull practice sword today, hers and Arthur's spars were always a bit more violent than with the others, so it was good to be prepared. "And he is _obsessed_ and  _sick,_ as was I, so I do know what goes in his dark, twisted mind."

The prince grunted when he had to back up again and bring his blade up to parry her attack coming from the left. "But you said it yourself, he is sick and twisted, _and he has magic!_ " Arthur hissed, pushing her back and swung a bit sloppily at her middle section. "There's really no telling what he would have done even if you were not here." He did have a point. Mordred had always hated Camelot. Gregor had told him - and Merlyn really did not know if this was true or not - that Mordred's parent had died in the Purge just after the druid had born. It had only made his descend to darkness and his hatred for Camelot worse. 

The warrior dropped down to swipe the prince's legs from under him. He dropped on his back with a pained yelp, and soon Merlyn was over him. But he was fast this time, and when Merlyn was practically straddling him, his sword was on her neck - but her dagger was pressing against his abdomen too. They grinned at each other a bit and Merlyn spun to lay on his side, breathing heavily and wiping the sweat from her eyes. "I have asked you enough questions about him to know that there is only one thing that could stop the bastard, and that's death," he sighed, glancing at Merlyn who was frowning at the sky. Arthur had been questioning her a lot these days after the patrol, and they were all either very straightforward, blunt questions like _'was he your partner?'_ , _'why did he do it?_ ', ' _why did you do it?'._  The questions had stopped only the previous night.

Merlyn did not really offer him any answers to his words, so eventually he relented and looked away again. "How is it that Lancelot managed to leave?" He inquired. Arthur had very clearly told her that he did not trust Lancelot at all, so Merlyn had practically ordered the former-assassin from entering the castle. It worked well, but she still put a tracking spell on him so he would not do anything silly. It would not alert her if the man moved elsewhere, only when he came to the castle.

"Mordred never cared about anyone," the warrior murmured, throwing her blade a bit further away from her, "he was helping people leave even when I was there, but with me, he just wanted me to keep close so he could keep trying to break the wall and get me back to him. I'm not saying that even I trust Lance enough, but I'm willing to give him a chance."

"Are you sure Mordred won't try to attack the kingdom?" Arthur asked then, fanning himself with his hand a bit. Not far from them, the knights were still continuing their training. They had not told the others everything about her past, but they had to tell that Merlyn knew about Mordred. Gwaine had been told about the fact that meeting him had been a turning point for her, and the man had been awfully gleeful about it. Leon and Gwaine both had already known about her being an assassin, so the news that she knew Mordred had been taken in quite well. The only thing that bothered Merlyn was that Arthur looked at the warrior suspiciously from time to time, but Merlyn was sure he was not seeing anything that would make him want to get her executed.

Sighing, Merlyn rolled to her side and propped her head on her palm to see the man better. His eyes were on her face and he was sprawled on his back, chest heaving heavily as he tried to catch his breath still. "No, I'm not sure, but he does not do anything without a huge plan, so it gives us time," she stated, for the hundredth time. They heard a loud curse from the knights and turned a bit to see Gwaine lying face down on the ground and Hugo laughing over him. "But whatever he is about to do, I think it'll be directed at me or you, not the whole kingdom. At first at least. He might try to do something even more elaborate if his original plan does not work, but at least we know to be ready."

"Why is he so obsessed with me?" The prince grumbled as he struggled to relive himself from the chainmail he was wearing. The sun was hanging straight over their heads on the cloudless sky and Merlyn was sure the steel was burning from in the heat. Merlyn had never understood how the knights could move so fast in all that armor, and not die from the heat. These were the times she was glad that she was not actually a knight as was not required to wear metal around her all the time, the leather of her vests and the jacket were enough trouble when it was this hot.

"I think it's more about being obsessed with _me_ ," answered Merlyn, biting her teeth together as she flopped back on her back. A small part of her regretted not telling that there had been a lot more between her and Mordred, but it would make the prince only more suspicious of her and her motives. "Like I said, he was practically wrapped around my finger at one point, so he thinks he's the only one for me. He's like a child denied from eating any sweets, and getting a temper-tantrum because of it. If there was a chance I'd figure out what he'll do, I promise I'd tell you."

There was a long silence between them after that, until Arthur turned his head to her again and frowned, "do you think he knows about.. you know, what happened?" It was the first time the man himself had mentioned their night together after the time he gave her the necklace back and she saw how it was still a touchy subject for him. It was for her too, but probably because of completely different reasons.

"He might," Merlyn murmured and brought her left hand to her face to rub her tired eyes, "he seems to be quite well-educated about everything that goes on around here, and if his reaction to me and Lance tells us anything, it's that he does not take it well if I focus on other men. But like I said, I will tell you when I know something."

She saw the doubtful look the prince directed at her and rolled her eyes as he spoke, "are you _sure?_ You've been keeping quite a lot of secrets from me, so how am I supposed to believe you won't try to protect us again later if he does something?" It hurt a bit, the way he doubted everything she said these days but Merlyn could not blame him for that. He really had no reason to completely trust her, not before he knew absolutely everything there was about her. It was funny how the famous prince Arthur of Camelot was like an open book, but she was a closed, chained and locked one.

"You can't know it," Merlyn said with a small, impish grin but her eyes were wide and sincere, "but I hope you at least try to trust me." She heard the prince mumble about how he was going to try, but that was mostly drowned under the commotion coming from the entrance of the training field. They both looked that way and saw three guards and an unknown man there, being stopped by the knights. Gwaine and Leon were shouting at something to the four men, but they were insisting that they should be let through. Merlyn and Arthur glanced at each other, but soon enough they were already up and walking to the crowd.

"What is going on?" Arthur's voice boomed over the shouting and cursing, effectively getting everyone's attention on him and glared at the guards who were trying to avoid his eyes as well as they could. The guards bowed respectfully to him, but the unknown man's eyes were trained on Merlyn. The look was giving her the creeps and her hand tightened around the hilt of her blade, ready to defend herself if it came to that.

"We apologize for the interruption, My Lord," one guard said, straightening his back, "but we were given orders." Without even explaining it, the two others guards walked over to Merlyn and grabbed her elbows, ignoring the way she was trying get away - she had a _really_ bad feeling about this. The third one stripped her from her weapons while she was struggling on the hold, eyes flicking on Arthur - her first thought was that the prince had told his father even when he had promised he would not, but Arthur too looked like he was about to faint from the shock, demanding answers but no one answered him so it could not be that. The unknown man walked over now, familiar looking cuffs in his hands and even with the furious struggle Merlyn was giving, the cuffs were soon around her wrists - the coldness following made her almost choke and freeze, but just to keep on the appearance, she kept on trashing in the guards' hold as they began to lead her to the castle. If she had known that there were magic-restricting cuffs in Camelot, she would've destroyed them long ago. She could hear Leon, Gwaine and Arthur still shouting as they followed, and how Gwaine was too being forced to give up his blade just for the protection of the guards.

The guards did not say anything, but they all knew Merlyn and Merlyn knew them, so they were sending her apologetic looks and just looked miserable all together. No one was telling her what was going on, not even the smug looking man leading the group. Inside the castle, she heard a familiar voice scream somewhere in the stairs and looked that way - Morgana was being held by Gwen and George, the princess was demanding Merlyn to be let go and she was not listening to her father's words as he tried to yell her to be quiet from the bottom of the steps. He had to leave Morgana and walk ahead to the throne room when he saw the warrior being dragged there, face grim and fierce - but it was a strange kind of fierce. It was not like when he was giving orders to execute sorcerers or other criminals - no, it was like he was having hard time to believe anything that was going on and needed to blame someone other than Merlyn, who was no pushed to her knees in front of the king. The impact made her wince hard and the pain that the cuffs were inflicting even worse, if that was even possible. His emerald eyes were searching her face and the warrior tried really hard to keep her face straight and innocent, even though she knew Uther could see her annoyance fairly clearly.

"Father, what is happening?!" Arthur voice rang from behind Merlyn and she heard him walk forward toward Merlyn, but he was apparently stopped from going near as she heard next how he was trying to order the guards to let him go. "Why is my advisor chained and being held like _a prisoner?!"_

Uther's gaze was ripped from Merlyn at the sound of his son's voice, and the kingly expression came on his face. "I called Aredian, the witchfinder, here to snuff out the last of the sorcery from the kingdom," he started, voice tight and filled with loathing, "and he pointed me in the direction of Merlyn." The warrior's heart stopped at those words -  _a witchfinder?_ Well, that was just perfect. Merlyn dropped her eyes from the king to the floor for a moment, closing them and just trying to relax. But even with the cuffs, she could feel magic and there was some in the room - coming from the man Uther called Aredian to be exact. And it felt too familiar, it felt like Mordred and even when it was faint and barely there, it made her fear for the worst.

"I am no sorcerer," she said quietly as she looked back up. It was not a lie, as she was _a witch_ and practically made from magic, but to the king it would be the same thing. "I am no sorcerer, My Lord. I beg you to believe me." The plead went unnoticed by Uther, even when he looked right at her and she was sure the king saw her sincerity, but he still waived a hand to the witchfinder.

"Do what you must, and when you are done, the execution will be prepared," he ordered tightly, and then looked back to Arthur who was somewhere behind Merlyn, still struggling by the sound of it. "She will be questioned to determined what her plan was and to find out if there are others. Take her away." Merlyn knew there was no way she could say anything to change Uther's mind, so she let the guards force her back to her feet and drag her out of the room. On the way out, she saw the Pendragon siblings - Arthur was being held by a guard and sir Hugo, and Morgana was standing shocked by the door, eyes wide as they met Merlyn's. The warrior could not do anything to reassure the princess or her brother that she'd be fine, so she forced her eyes to the floor until she was going down the stair to the dungeon. How could she let them know that she would not die? There were two ways this would go down - either she figured out why the so-called witchfinder felt like there was magic on him and tried to convince someone to believe her, or she would find a way to escape and live in the shadows.

The dungeons were empty at the moment, as the last prisoner there had already been taken to the stocks. He had been caught stealing, so the sentence was not practically anything, just seven days in the stocks and today was the last of them. Merlyn was not put in the normal cells - as she had suspected, but hoped it would not happen - but dragged to the darkest part of the long corridor, in a cell that had no real windows and heavy, steel door and stone walls. The only source of light came from the small, barred window on the door and the torches in the corridor. It reminded her too much about the place she had been held when Gregor had wanted her to be locked away - there was only a table on one side, filled with different weapons and a hook hanging from the low roof. Her cuffs had a chain connecting them between her wrists, and that was brought up to the hook so her hands were stretched over her head in a way that her feet just barely touched the floor. She had to stand on her toes, and only after a few minutes her muscles began to ache from the position. But, she was still stubborn as a bull, so she refused to let the pain show.

She was left alone with Aredian after the guards had murmured apologies to the warrior - it was clear that they either did not believe the accusations or they did not care, but either way, she was really in trouble now. Merlyn could not use her magic at all with the cuffs that were rubbing against her wrists painfully, and there was no way she could get the chain off from the hook. "I am no sorcerer," she grumbled to the man, who was standing beside the door with a sick smirk on his lips. He laughed at her and moved to the table, fingers brushing against the blades.

"I don't care," he hummed, glancing at her over his shoulder, "as I am no witchfinder." His hand came up to the necklace he had around his neck and tucked under his shirt, and pulled it off. Merlyn stared wide-eyed when the man's face morphed slowly from the witchfinder's face to a unknown one. He was about the same build at the witchfinder had been, but he had blue, piercing eyes, brown hair and a bushy beard almost covering the cruel smile on his face. "Aredian was just a coincidence, he happened to stumble on my path and when I found out he was coming here… well, the plan was quite obvious after that."

"Who are you then, and what do you want from me? You don't really have a face that would stick to my mind… I tend to remember only the handsome men I meet," Merlyn mused with a tilted head, eyes hard as steel as they stared at the man who just chuckled at her questions. It was like a game to him, and Merlyn really had no patience to play it.

"Is that not obvious? I am here on orders to bring back the _real_ you," the man rumbled in a low, gleeful voice as he walked close to her. His bearded face loomed only an inch away from hers, but she did not even flinch. It was not the first time she was in this situation, so there was hardly anything that could scare her. The idea of pain was not something she loved, but it was something she could handle as long as she could keep her magic from trying to break free. "My name is Theo, and Mordred said to use everything I have to break you."

Now it was Merlyn's turn to laugh, and it seemed to startle the man a bit. _"Break me?"_ She snorted, very frustrated that her hands were tied so she could not wipe the tears of mirth away. "Does he think so little of me? That a little torture could break me and bring back the person I once was? _Pathetic._ " Her delight seemed to aggravate the man, as in the blink of an eye, his fist slammed against Merlyn's stomach and made her cough - but the laughter never died. The punches kept on coming, to her torso mostly, but the last one hit her face too. That stopped the laughter, but only because her jaw and lips hurt after it.

"Oh, that is not nice," the warrior grunted as she tasted blood in her mouth from a split lip and tongue. "That is no way to treat a lady." Theo stalked forward again, a smile growing to his lips as he though she was beginning to be afraid - but it changed to slight shock when she just spat blood on his face, laughing again loudly, teeth red and a small trail of blood rolling to her chin and neck.

He grabbed her throat tightly to stop her from chuckling, but the smile never left. "You won't be laughing after I'm done with you," the man hissed, squeezing her neck and Merlyn felt how it was beginning to be a bit difficult to breath. "Mordred gave me a beautiful story of how your previous experiences made you lose control of your _habits_ … so I'm here to do that again."

The hand disappeared and left Merlyn coughing, struggling to get air for a moment. "Oh, Theo…" the witch rasped, voice a bit hoarse from the strangling. Her dark eyes locked on the steely ones, and a cruel smirk came back to her face. "You have no idea what would happen if you succeeded… but I dare you to _try_." Her words had such a clear threat and warning in them, that the man hesitated a bit, but visibly gathered his wits and moved to the weapons, grabbing the first one - a dagger, _of course_. He was way too predictable. "Bring your worst," Merlyn snorted and gave the man a challenging wink that made him growl. Merlyn knew that her insolence would someday be the death of her - but it made everything so much more _interesting!_

 

***

 

By the end of the day, Merlyn had stopped laughing but at least her smile was as strong as ever. She had bruises all over her torso, arms and legs, and also some deep cuts on her sides and stomach. The blood flow had stopped just mere minutes ago, and it was now drying on her skin, making the scraps of her shirt cling to her skin. The one thing she was just pleased about was that Theo did not seem to have any intention to use her body for his own pleasure as a torture, so her clothes were still covering her. She had not put on her armor that day, and the black loose tunic she had on was only ribbed from her middle area. Merlyn knew the next day - and how ever many she was going to spend there before someone figured out Theo was a imposter - the man would make more use of the weapons on the table; there were daggers with duller blades, jagged ones and then thin, sharp ones, and also metal-pokers that could be heated and then two whips, one with just leather strands and the other had some sort of stones embedded to the leather strands to make the whipping more painful.

But still, Merlyn was not scared, not of Theo or Mordred even - she did not like the pain, no - but she was just… _annoyed_. Mostly because she knew the few scars on her body would not be the only ones anymore. How could Mordred think making her bleed and hurt would be any good? Or that it would even _work?_ The man knew nothing about the wall in her mind, so it sort of made sense that he would try to re-trace her life with the bodies and then the beatings, but it was not a very loving way to try to do things.

With a promise to come back early the next day, Merlyn was left alone with her thoughts - thoughts that were dominated with Morgana and Arthur. The worst part of this was that she was afraid Morgana believed the accusations and thought that Merlyn had lied to her. She had not lied per se, but omitted the fact that she too had magic. It was probably for the best if the warrior finally told the princess, at least that she had _some_ magic, maybe not everything. If she got out, that was. And Arthur… oh, _Arthur_. He had looked so broken and scared and betrayed when Merlyn had been dragged past him to the dungeons, like he already believed everything. And maybe he did, or maybe he was just sad to hear her being questioned about something he believed was a lie. The king had not let the prince argue anymore, at least not when she had been able to hear - the only words spoken had been Morgana's to demand an explanation from her father.

 _"You belong with me, my little bunny,"_ a voice spoke suddenly and made her jerk a bit, chains rattling from the movement. It took Merlyn a moment to realize that it was coming from her head. It was the same way he used to torment her when Gregor had locked her in the cells of the fortress, just to keep her from forgetting him - as if it would happen that easily. _"I need you back, so we can finally have everything we wanted, to be together and happy."_

The words made her snort loudly, just barely keeping the laughter from bursting from her lips. Merlyn did not know if he could hear her, but she spoke anyway, "you don't know what happiness feels like, you don't even know what _real_ love feels like. I am _not_ yours, and I will _never_ be."

 _"We belong together, dear, like we once did. You forgot how much you loved to play with me, hunt with me… how much you loved when I was the one touching you, not your precious prince you think you love,"_ Mordred's whispers became almost angry now and made the warrior freeze, mouth hanging open. Fear seeped in to her gut at the mention of the prince - that was why she was trying to hide her thoughts and keep herself from risking Arthur's life, trying to keep it from getting to Mordred. But as she had said to Arthur the day before, there had always been a chance that Mordred had a spy there. Lancelot would be the most obvious choice for it, but she knew the man like the back of her hand and Lance would not betray her like that, not for Mordred - or anyone, to be honest.

 _"Oh, yes, I know. I know everything about you-"_ Merlyn almost laughed at the irony, as he certainly did not know the most important thing, _"-and I know he is not the one for you. You are a free creature, you create art with your prey, you are a goddess just begging to be released… and I am going to find a way to free you, my darling Merlyn. You are not to be chained by the rules of a kingdom so rotten, so terrible. Your golden prince might act like he trust you, but you know he lies."_

Mordred might have a clue of Merlyn's feelings for Arthur, but he was dead wrong about one thing - she was not trapped in this life. "You think you know me but you only know a fraction, Mordred-darling," Merlyn purred, shaking her head a bit, "I don't know what makes you think I'd ever run back to you, old me or not, after this because I promise you… I _will_ hunt you down and you get to see exactly what kind of a _goddess_ I am and how _bloody_ _angry_ I can become."

Mordred never answered her after that, but she knew that the psychopath was not scared, he didn't feel fear like a normal person. A regular person would have the courtesy to be afraid of Merlyn's threats, but Mordred always just… he just listened and smiled. _That_ was something that made Merlyn a bit scared of him - she too could act like nothing had an impact on her, but that was it; and act. She did feel fear, sadness, joy and every other emotion - Mordred felt none of those, not anymore. But the mention of Arthur not trusting her completely… _that_  really got to her. She knew there was a possibility that the trust she had build would crumble after her past was revealed, but Merlyn did not want to believe that.

It was a fortunate thing that she was somewhat used to being chained like this - sad, wasn't it? - so she was able to doze off for a short periods. Her arms still hurt like hell, and she could not relieve the pain any way as her feet did not touch the floor properly. Her only hope was to zone out from her physical form, to try and ignore the pain all together. Even with her magic bound, she still had strange dreams - or were they dreams? At one point, she swore she could see Arthur and Gwaine arguing, and it felt to real that when she snapped 'awake', Merlyn really believed she could travel around the castle like that. Maybe she did, and she really had seen Gwaine trying to force Arthur to do something while the prince looked torn about something, but she had not heard what. Briefly she let herself hope that the prince trusted her still enough that he would not believe the accusations, as true as they were.

*

_Arthur paced around his room, hands tightly clasped behind his back and eyes trained on the floor. She could not tell what was going on his mind, but they were not happy thought if she knew how to read his face at all. On the side, Gwaine and Leon sat around his dining table with similar, contemplating looks on their faces but they looked more worried than angry. Merlyn could not hear what they were saying - she was somehow hovering in the corner just behind the archway, in Arthur's bedchambers and they were talking quite silently. She did hear her name mentioned somewhere, by Arthur mostly and he looked ready to throw his knights to the dungeons after their answers, whatever they were._

*

The next morning, like promised, Theo came back and startled Merlyn awake from her haze with a bucket of ice-cold water thrown on her. She spluttered for ages, trying to get everything from her nose, but desperately tried to swallow at least some of it, as she had not been given any water for almost a day. In Camelot, if you were suspected of sorcery, you really were not treated like a human with basic needs for food and drink. Merlyn was lucky enough that she was filled with magic, as she was the only magic-user who was literally made from it and did not just use the earth's own magic to sustain herself. The force in her kept her alive, but only barely as it could not move. The cuffs on her were torture in their own - her power was so strong that her body was barely keeping it contained on a normal day, but now as it was bound, it was pushing and raging and bounding against her skin every second and making the pain Theo inflicted ten times worse.

At first, the man did not do anything but stare at her, calculating and obviously thinking hard. It was clear that she was not as weak as he must have thought, if her laughter the first day had shown him anything. Eventually though, he decided to leave the blades alone, and grab a whip instead. Just to stay sane during the whipping, Merlyn counted them - or at least she tried. The warrior lost count somewhere around twenty, but fortunately Theo did not continue it long after that. He had used the normal whip, so the skin on her back broke only at the end and not badly even then. It hurt though, _a lot_ and the burning stayed there for a long time. The brute took a blade next, one of the more crude ones that Merlyn knew immediately would bring a lot more pain than the sharp ones. It grazed lightly against her neck and shoulder, traveling up to her temple. Merlyn kept her eyes on the man holding it, trying not to shiver from the cold steel's touch.

"I heard you were like Mordred once," she heard Theo hum over the gasps of pain she was letting out, as a jagged blade traveled along her cheek, leaving behind a shallow cut that stretched from her ear an inch away from her jaw. It was lucky that she had her magic, so she could try to keep herself from scarring too much. "That you were _lovers_ , playing games with your victims, tortured them like I'm doing now… and that you _loved it._ We're not so different either, you and I."

A bit breathless from the gasping and groaning, Merlyn let out a shaky laugh and peeked at the man between her eyelids. "You're _nothing_ compared to what I was," she taunted, snorting when his face contorted with anger again. "You are _soft_ , you would not even dare to do anything if you knew what would happen if the part of me was still out there."

"Is that so?" Theo growled, throwing the blade away and turning his back to her for a moment. While he was trying to figure out what to do next, Merlyn tried to shift in her place, to keep her shoulders from popping from their sockets. But her attempts were for nothing, as only a minute later the man spun back, whirling one of the thinner, sharp blades in his hand and walked briskly right in front of her. "Let's see if I can make you scream now."

There was not a chance for her to retort back, as the tip of the blade touched the root of her neck. It was so sharp, that only the smallest touch broke the skin and left behind a thin, but painful, bleeding wound as it cut the skin in one long stroke from the root of her throat along the path between her breasts to her belly button, cutting both the tunic and her skin. If she had had her corset still on, it would not have succeeded, but now it did and it really did make her scream in agony, as the witch felt her blood flow merrily from the long cut and the strips of her tunic hang on her torso, barely covering anything to keep her modesty intact. "Oh, you bastard," hissed the warrior as she opened her blurry eyes. "You have no idea what I'll do to you when I get out."

"Are you sure you will?" Theo laughed, eyes lingering on the bare part of her upper body approvingly. "By the sound of things, they think you are a sorcerer and if you don't leave with me, you'll be burned."

The corners of her mouth twitched up again, "maybe I will leave with you, but what happens when I get better, hm? Do you think I'll just happily join that _weasel_ again like nothing happened, like he did not order me to be tortured once again?" The piercing blue eyes snapped to hers, widening a bit when the thought came to him too. "Do you want to know what I'll do?" The question was asked in a hushed, almost suggestive voice and it seemed to enchant the man, as he leaned a bit forward to hear her better. Merlyn took the chance to use the last of her strength to fling her legs around the tall, slightly thin man and trap him between her shaky, but still strong thighs, forcing his face closer to hers. She knew for a fact that the look in her azure eyes was almost crazed. She let her tongue travel along her lips, lick away the blood coming from the cut on her lower lip and smiled widely at him.

"If I can hold you while I'm in this state, you must understand that I'm much stronger and faster when healed, and when I remember again who exactly was the one making me hurt..." she whispered in his ear, the hold of her thighs tightening a bit and making him wheeze as she made a small, disappointed _'tsk-tsk'_ sound with her tongue. "Perhaps you should've asked Mordred a bit more before you came here and got a sure death sentence. Because when I get better, no matter where you are, no matter how well you hide-" the wide, blue eyes rose to see hers again, "-I will make sure to feed your eyes to you as you scream in _agony_ , and then leave you to starve for days, before I _might_ come and kill you, slowly and painfully, the way that you'll feel it even beyond the Veil. _Do you understand?"_

The man scrambled to get away from her hold, and Merlyn had to let go as she felt her shoulders almost burning from hanging on only them. Theo visibly had to gather himself, before he managed to put on a cruel smirk. "Then I'll have to make sure you won't remember, don't I? By the time I'm finished and out of here, you'll either be dead, or I have succeeded in my goal." The words had no impact on Merlyn as she just stared back at him with a cold look, face mostly impassive but there was a hint of a smile on her lips. She was not sure which was more frightening - the look, or the way she could not care less about if she died or not. Merlyn did care, of course, but Theo did not know that. The fact was, that if no one found out about Aredian _not_ really being Aredian, she would have to escape any way, alone or with Theo's help. And if Mordred made that happen, if she had to leave the people she cared for and try to make her destiny come true from the shadows, she would make sure the bastard did not see another day - screw the secret.

 

***

 

_She saw Arthur again, this time walking by the door leading to the dungeons. Even with all the trying, she could not speak to him and just had to watch as Arthur froze in place as the fake-Aredian came from the door. He bowed tightly to the prince before continuing his way to the stairs to his guest chambers. Merlyn saw how Arthur hovered by the door a moment, legs twitching as he almost went down, but he seemed to change his mind at the end and almost ran to his chambers. That time, she had control of her body - form? Spirit? She was not really sure what it was, as her movements were no walking, but floating - and followed the agitated prince through the empty corridors._

_Her bodiless form floated through the doors he slammed shut behind him and witnessed just barely how Arthur grabbed a goblet from the table and threw it against the wall, the wine that had been left in it spilling all around the floors. For a moment, Merlyn felt bad for George as he would need to clean it after the prince._

_"Why is Merlyn still down there?" A voice came from the shadowy side of the room. The prince spun around with a hand already on the hilt of his sword, but his tense frame relaxed a bit when he saw the person talking. Merlyn hovered a bit to the side and saw Lancelot, sitting by the dining table. His face was stoic, positively murderous almost as he glared at the prince. "Why has no one gone to get her?"_

_"Why haven't you?" Arthur retorted tightly, combing his fingers through his already mussed hair."If you already know she's there, I'd think you would be running to her right now. And how the_ hell _did you get here?!"_

 _His condescending tone made Merlyn bristle a bit, there was really no reason for him to be such a jerk to Lancelot. "I did almost get here once before and stab you in the heart, but it was Merlyn who stopped me. She's not here now. And I would go to her, if there were not so many guards and knights keeping an eye on her, and if I knew she even wanted_ me _to come," the former-assassin sighed, raising a brow at the man. "This may be the third time I actually see you, but I already know you care a great deal about Merlyn. And I know for a fact that she wishes you to be the one to save her." He did have a point there - normally, Merlyn hated being the damsel, but at least if Arthur came to her, she'd know the man did not believe her to be evil like his father said._

_"Does it matter, Lancelot? She is accused of being a sorcerer, and she's to be executed after Aredian concludes his questioning!" Snapped the prince, helplessly throwing his arms in the air. Merlyn and Lancelot both frowned at him - he was not acting angry as in 'angry because Merlyn was a criminal', but angry as in 'I cannot believe she's down there'. It was a comforting thought for her._

_Lancelot got up from the chair now, shaking his head almost disappointedly. "Would it really matter, if she was a sorcerer?" He asked and made Merlyn choke loudly in her own spit - did he just say that?! It was fortunate that she was not really there so they did not hear her. Arthur too seemed to pause at the question, but he never turned around to let Merlyn see his face. "I can see that it is breaking you to know she's down there, tortured and quite probably starving, I can see that you want her out. And I can also see that it is not a spell, but real feelings. So why would a gift like magic come between that, if there was nothing to worry about?"_

_***_

She woke to a strange feeling - a _burning_ feeling. It took her a moment to realize that the feeling was actually really hot and on her own thigh. Merlyn's eyes snapped open the same time a terrified scream left her lips, blurry blue eyes landing on the red-hot poker pushing its way to her muscle. It was horrifying, she had never felt something like that and really hoped that she would never have to feel it again. Of course, her hopes were for nothing, because Theo stuck the poker back to the flames he had built to the corner, just to stick the newly-heated metal to her calf now. He was still rambling about bringing her back the same time, and the constant yammering was getting to her nerves more than the feeling of her flesh practically melting.

"Oh you're going to die," she hissed in pain, struggling against her chains when the burning went away again and prompted a laugh from the man. She was not feeling particularly snarky right then, the weakness of not eating, drinking or sleeping was really getting to her by now as the third day was starting. "I swear to god, I'll make sure you die some way. Preferably by my _bare_ hands, but I'll take any ending I can. Mordred will have the same faith. _Oh_ , maybe you'll be able to hold hands!" She was not sure if it was a hallucination or a real thing, but Merlyn swore she saw someone peeking in the cell. The person, if they really were there, disappeared soon though, so she dismissed it quickly.

"Keep talking, dear," he mused sweetly, letting the poker drop now and grabbed a blade once again. "The more you talk and threaten, the faster you'll be free from being this… _joke_ of what you were."

"Joke?" Merlyn snorted as well as she could with her dry throat, but still managed to grin a bit. "Oh, I am no joke, _Theo._ I can still gut you without blinking and feed you to the dogs while you still have a heartbeat, the only difference is that I don't get any sick pleasure from it… well, I think I can make an exception with you." Theo was much braver now, as he only blinked a bit at her words. Oh, she still knew that he was scared of her, but he seemed to be quite confident that no one was going to stop him. Merlyn was not so sure, she had some faint memories of hearing Lancelot and Arthur speak - Merlyn did not remember any details, but something about getting her out or wanting her out. Something like that at least.

As if someone had heard her thoughts, because the next thing Merlyn noticed was the loud commotion coming from the dungeon stairs. She did not recognize the voices, but knew for a fact that her threats could happen sooner than she could have hoped. "Oh, dear," she hummed with a impish smile, as Theo's eyes flickered between her and the door. "It seems your time ran out." Growling, he jumped suddenly at Merlyn with the blade's tip pointing at her stomach, the same time as the cell's door flung open. She had very little strength in her, so she made a feeble attempt to dodge it, but only managed to jerk a bit to the side - but she seemed to have luck on her side, as the blade never plunged too deep before Theo already had a sword's tip going through his back and coming out of his chest.

"I told you," Merlyn whispered between her own gasps of pain, when Theo looked at her for the last time, eyes bulging from his head and a trail of blood coming from the corner of his mouth before the blade disappeared and he slumped to the ground. That was also when Merlyn finally actually registered the pain near her hip and her eyes lowered to it - there was a dagger conveniently sticking from her skin. It was not deep, but the red life-force was freely oozing out to her trousers and to the floor, and made her feel a bit light-headed by the sight and the feeling. "I w-would _really_ like to… to get out of here," a slur was barely heard from her lips and the blurry, unfocused eyes rose up. She met the familiar, panicking blue eyes of the prince just few inches away from hers, and forced a small smile on her face.

"Sire, we need to move her," she had no idea who was speaking, but Arthur seemed to snap from his haze and soon he nodded. His eyes roamed over her torso and legs - very chivalrously not letting his eyes linger on her chest, even though it was mostly still covered - before he focused on the chains. Someone handed him a small key to the cuffs and it took Merlyn every bit of her self-control to keep her magic from bursting merrily out as the resistance left. Because of it, her consciousness was slipping by the time the floor seemed to fly closer, but luckily two strong, warm arms caught her before she crumpled to the floor like a boneless pile of nothing. The person - who smelled like the forest on a warm, a bit rainy summer day and to her it was nearly intoxicating and she could not help but inhale it - gathered her to his arms and when she was securely pressed on the soft, red tunic, they were almost flying out of the darkness.

Her focus was slipping from her surroundings - she saw the king briefly on top of the stairs, staring at them with eyes wide as plates - to the prince carrying her, and to her own pain. The position she was helped her aching shoulders, but it did nothing to the bleeding wounds she had almost everywhere. There were some shocked gasps as Merlyn and the prince - and no doubt at least Leon and Gwaine - moved through the castle towards Gaius' chambers. "A-artr," she tried to call the prince, looking up and fiercely attempting to focus her eyes on him. She did see how he looked down and smiled slightly, relieved that she was still awake and speaking. "I…" _I love you, I knew you would come… "…_ thank y-you." At the last minute, the words she wanted to say were changed as she felt the faint courage she had fade away as soon as the thought of confessing came to her mind, but he had no idea, as he just smiled wider and focused then back on the way they were going. 

Her consciousness slipped when the physician's door was opened, but she was still somewhat aware of things happening - her ripped tunic was removed by wrinkly, professional hands after she was placed on a cot and the prince had walked somewhere to the side. Voices spoke around her, she recognized the voices of Gaius and Gwen as they were the closest.

 _"Gwen-dear, would you go get some water? Sire, you should go report to your father, I'm sure Merlyn will still be unconscious after you come back to take her to her room."_ Arthur was going to take her? Wow, he really must be feeling guilty. Only the times the prince felt like she had suffered because of him or because he could not stop it from happening, he would be the mule carrying her from one place to another.

The door sounded as two pair of feet disappeared and then a blanket was thrown on her body as Gaius' voice came again, _"Gwaine, Leon, you hold Merlyn tightly. She's shivering and I fear her magic might burst any moment now."_ Oh, right, that. Even though Merlyn was not aware of what happened, she felt the control of her powers slip bit by bit and just when two pairs of calloused, strong hands landed on her calves and shoulders, there was a startled shout and a sound of something made of glass shattering, multiple things actually. It was a good thing that Gaius had some magic too as he had no choice but to use it so no one coming in would not ask questions.

 _"Why is that happening?"_ Gwaine's muffled voice came from somewhere further away. He must have been pushed back by the force what broke the jars.

 _"The cuffs the man had, they were magic-restricting ones. It is obvious that he real Aredian was really coming here so he took his possessions to seem like he was the real person,"_ came Gaius' answer and a strange sound of him shooing the knights away from the cot. The blanket was removed now and her skin was being probed to see it her injuries were life-threatening. _"Merlyn still had some instinctive control over it to keep it from going out before the people in the room were those who know about her. When the cuffs are removed, it usually means that the sorcerer can again feel the magic of the earth around them, but with her.. she has magic inside her, a personal resource of it that had probably been fighting against the cuffs' power this whole time. It is still marvelous of how much of her powers are not tied to normal laws regarding to magic or even whether she is aware of everything."_

The door opened again and light footsteps walked over to the bed. A heavy bucket was placed on the floor next to Merlyn's cot. _"Do you need anything? Bandages, salves? Herbs?"_ The nervous maid asked, and Merlyn could even hear her feet shuffling against the wooden floor from her fidgeting. The physician probably nodded as she moved again. It still warmed Merlyn's heart when Gwen was acting like the warrior was her own family, so gentle and caring, even when they did not speak much.

It was getting really frustrating not being able to communicate or move, but it obviously had something to do with her starvation and weakness. _Bloody hell! And the pain too, gosh,_ she thought as Gaius' poked one of the wound on her side, the one still bleeding from the stabbing Theo managed to do before dying. _He is dead, right?_ The question was not answered, as no one could hear her. Oh how she hoped that the unconsciousness would not continue for long. Maybe this was some sort of a manifestation of her out-of-body experiences she had had while in the dungeons? Or was it just physical tiredness?

 _"Are the injuries bad, Gaius?"_ Leon's voice came from behind the privacy screen. The physician asked some quiet and did not give an answer just yet. Merlyn felt how he and Gwen removed the last of her clothes to see everything better, and heard how Gwen let out a horrified gasp. Gwaine's exclamation came from behind the screen now, but it was clear that Leon was holding him back. _"What is it?"_ The second in command asked, voice tight and barely even heard behind the struggling sounds Gwaine was making.

 _"Please, Sir Gwaine, stay calm,"_ Gaius' finally spoke, pressing a wet cloth on Merlyn's skin. She would have sighed in relief if she had control of her body - the old man was cleaning the holes Theo had made with the hot poker and the older, most definitely already infected ones from the first day that were on her legs. _"There are multiple cuts on her body, most likely from the daggers George said there had been."_ George? What the hell did _George_ have to do with anything?

 _"Are they serious?"_ This time Gwaine asked, no longer trying to move but still sounding like he wanted to jump at someone's throat.

 _"Some, yes. But Merlyn heals well, so only a fraction of them will leave any scars. Nothing has injured any vital organs, nerves or severed any major veins, even if it looks that way from the blood,"_ the ever-patient Gaius answered, dipping the cloth in the bucket again. _"The ones that are to most worrying are the burns, the long gash on her chest and the whip marks on her back, but none of them are creating any threats to her survival. They were clearly made to inflict as much pain as possible, while still keep her alive."_ _Yeah, as much pain as possible is bit of an understatement,_ Merlyn thought bitterly.

Gwen had been helping Gaius with patients before, so she did not have to ask directions to know what the physician needed. Soon enough Merlyn heard the light, fast footsteps come back to her side and a heavy object, maybe a tray or a basket, placed near her head. The same time the door opened again and now two heavy sets of footsteps came to the room. The people stayed behind the privacy screen, thank goodness, but it also meant that Merlyn did not really hear anything that was said as they spoke so quietly. She did recognize Arthur's voice almost immediately, but the words were drowned under Gwaine's exclamation , _"if he was not dead already, I'd be ripping his limps of one by one at this point."_ If she could, Merlyn would've laughed. _"I have not seen her wounds, but by the sound of it, the bastard tried every weapon available."_

Ah, so Theo was dead now. Good, for a moment the warrior had thought she had hallucinated everything. But she still wanted to know how they managed to figure everything out. _"He died almost immediately,"_ Leon said, sounding uncharacteristically smug about it. _"but even I hoped to make it a bit more slow for a scum like that."_ Well, now she really wished she had the ability to speak - Leon, hoping to torture?! Where were the flying cows when one needed them?

 _"I'm glad."_ Lancelot? Oh, right, he lived in the city now. _"You have no idea how many times I tried to sneak in to get her. I think I would've lost my head after that, she does not really like to be the damsel in distress."_

 _"I think it's time for her to understand that she cannot be the hero every time,"_ Arthur grumbled heatedly, and even from his voice Merlyn knew he was pacing. " _Father was mortified when he heard it was not really Aredian. He prides himself for his observation skills, but missing this? I think he actually likes Merlyn, because he looked like he wanted to hang himself from the tallest tower."_

A sound of a hand being clapped on someone's shoulder came then and a joyous bark of laughter that was undoubtedly from Gwaine. _"Well, princeling, you finally did something right!"_ He mused happily. If there was a small tone of sarcasm, no one said anything. _"Sometimes even the great king and prince make mistakes."_

 _"And Merlyn really is the last person one should think is evil,"_ a pointed remark came from Lancelot now, a bit too heatedly for Merlyn's pleasure. The man really was a bit too close to revealing her secret these days. _"I think we both know that, don't we… My Lord?"_ Merlyn did not hear Arthur answer, as Gaius brought the cloth to her cheek now and it covered her ears the same time.

 _"Where is the princess? It's strange that she has not been here yet,"_ Leon asked when she heard again.

 _"She said she was not feeling very well, so I promised to keep her informed about everything. Morgana was very upset about everything, so I think the stress was a bit too much for her,"_ answered Arthur, sounding very worried about it. It was odd for Morgana to stay away even when feeling ill.

For a while, Merlyn let the voices blur together, and just tried to concentrate on the feeling of her wounds being cleaned with the heavenly chilly water, and how a cooling salve was spread on some of them after stitching them close. The wounds on her back were a bit more problematic, so Gwen had to get Margaret to help keep the warrior up to they could be treated too. Then a tight wrap of bandages was tied around her and probably made her look quite hilarious as she was mostly bandages, no skin visible almost anywhere. Then the maids helped her in a clean tunic and loose trousers, before some warm broth was spooned to her mouth to get her strength up. After that, she heard how Gaius sternly ordered the prince to be very careful with her when he gathered her back to his arms to carry her to her rooms. Normally the patients were left to the physicians chambers to recover, but they all knew that Merlyn hated being treated like a normal person.

 _"Nothing will happen to her on the way,"_ the prince calmly reassured the physician, shifting Merlyn so her head was more comfortably against his shoulder. She really did not mind spending time in his arms, only if she was able to see him. _"I'll guard her with my life, Gaius. I promise."_

 _"Hm,"_ hummed Gaius somewhere behind her head, _"I'm sure you will."_ What a strange way to say it. Gaius' voice was oddly stern when he said those words, and even when the only part of Merlyn touching Arthur's skin was her forehead against his skin, she felt how it warm up like... almost like he was _blushing_. What was going on?

The way to Merlyn's chambers was shorter than she remembered and too soon, she was lowered to her bed. As much as she tried, Merlyn could not open her mouth to ask the prince to stay with her, just for a while. But it seemed that she did not even have to. Hushed voices of the prince and Margaret came from the door, and after a moment the door closed, but a chair was silently pulled to her bedside. The person flopping down to sit and sighing was certainly not her maid. _"Here again, Merlyn,"_ a low voice murmured after the chair had creaked as he took a better position. _"I recall asking you to be more careful."_

 _Yeah, I would have, if that psychopath had not tried to torture me to come back to him,_ Merlyn thought and mentally stuck her tongue out. Of course the prince did not hear her, so the room went silent again. Oh, how she hoped she could see him right now, to see if he was sad or disappointed or what. His voice was too even for her to deduce his mood.

 _"I don't know if you hear me,"_ he eventually whispered. A warm hand was placed on her bandaged wrist. Hanging from the roof had made the cuffs rub the skin raw and it had been only a few hours away from probably bleeding too. She really did bleed a lot these days, it was a wonder she had any left. _"But I hope you forgive me for not coming sooner. Lancelot… he came to me yesterday, asking why I had not gone to get you. He was asking these questions about… anyway, he made me think."_

 _You, thinking? Don't hurt yourself,_ the warrior scoffed in her head, again hoping she could move so she could grin at the man. He sounded more vulnerable right now, so it was obvious he was not mad at her about anything, only that he really needed someone to brighten up his mood.

 _"I kept thinking of how strange it was that Aredian went straight to you, without even seeing you first. Of course father did not care, he never does when it comes to magic,"_ he sounded more irritated now when he mentioned his father's distrust with magic. _"So, I asked the knights guarding the cells if they had seen anything strange. I know, I know, of course they would not see anything. You'd call them blind buffoons if you were awake now."_ Yes, she really would - but for different reasons he thought. Merlyn had used magic practically right in front of most of the knights when she had been forced to snap tree branches on bandits or make their blades heat up, those just as an example. None of them saw it, and Merlyn was really worried that they were going blind. Or they were just stupid.

 _"But it still did not feel right. Morgana thought so too, though she had no idea what we could do,"_ the prince continued, thumb stroking the back of her hand idly while he spoke. The touch was sending shivers along Merlyn's spine and it was difficult to listen him the same time. _"It was actually Margaret and George, who came up with a solution. They asked if they could go down there, say to the guards that they had been sent to clean the cells and try to take a look in the one you were in."_

That explained a lot. If someone peeked in the cell and saw a totally different man torturing Merlyn than everyone thought, it would raise quite a lot of alarms. She remembered faintly seeing a flash of a blonde hair at the door, but had thought she was seeing things. _"George was the one to go, though Margaret looked like she was about to wrestle her way down instead. You'd be surprised how good of a liar that boy is,"_ Arthur now chuckled, sounding baffled himself too, _"he did not even bat an eye as he went there. No one questioned him, they know his my servant. So he got down there, and guess what he said when he ran back to me? That there was no almost bald, middle-aged man questioning you, but a young brown-haired man literally torturing you and speaking about 'bringing you back'. He also mentioned Mordred, so that was the thing that got all of us moving finally. Lancelot was there to hear it too, and you should have seen how fast the man could move!"_

Of course Merlyn knew how fast Lancelot moved when it was either that or let someone he cared about suffer. Lance was like a brother to her, kind of like Gwaine, but the difference between the two was that Lancelot knew not to coddle her and let her do what she did best - survive. He did jump to the rescue when needed, but did not fret over everything. Gwaine and Leon on the other hand, they treated Merlyn like a little sister too. The warrior did not mind to be cared about and protected, but if at some point they tried to keep her from fighting, she would really have to bang their heads together to put an end to it.

 _"But do you know what was going through my mind when I waited for George to come back, all the way until this moment and probably will think about until you are actually better again?"_ Merlyn swore her ears perked a bit at the question, Arthur sounded like he was about to choke and it was worrying her. _"All I could think about, was the fact that this kingdom… no, this world would be a lot darker and unhappier if you were gone. That I would not know what to do if you really had died in there, or if you had been turned to.. to what you were, and it would have made you not care about us anymore…."_

 _What?! W.. what?_ The world kept on spinning in her head. This had to be a hallucination, it could not be. Merlyn was momentarily convinced that Theo had succeeded in bringing the madness back - this could not be happening. Why was she incapable of moving and speaking now, from all the times, _now?!_

 _"I don't think I could live like that. I don't think I could live without you, Merlyn… I know it's terrible from me to say this when you don't even hear me, but… I just wish you'd know. I just wish you'd feel the same way, because this is killing me."_ He sounded so tired, and Merlyn really could not blame him. Had Morgana been right all along? Had she really been so blind to everything? Was… was Arthur really in love with Merlyn?! But what about Gwen, the two had been so close and.. but on the other hand, so had Gwaine and Leon both been close to Merlyn and she definitely had nothing going on between either of them. Maybe the warrior really was just blind when it came to love, so damaged by Mordred what she could not see when someone actually liked her?

The chair creaked again when Arthur got up, but he did not leave immediately - Merlyn felt how his fingers came to brush a strand of hair from her cheek, softly trailing the stitched wound there before they vanished as the man sighed again and Merlyn almost hear how he slumped his shoulders. _"I don't think I've ever said it out loud, but… I think I'm falling in love with you, you reckless lady, and I really hope you'd live a bit longer,"_ he murmured and Merlyn could hear the smile in his voice. A puff of warm breath washed over her face when the prince leaned closer and planted a soft, lingering kiss on her forehead and right then, Merlyn was really trying to get her eyes to open, just to show him that she heard. But nothing happened and soon he was already out of the door, letting Margaret take her bedside. In her head, the witch was screaming bloody murder, trashing against the boundaries of her un-moving body and just hoping so badly that she could say the words back. Why, _oh why_ , had she chickened out at the last minute before?! Arthur was the most emotionally stunted person she knew - besides her of course - and _he_ had the courage to say it! Sure, it was to a mostly unconscious Merlyn, but he did not know that!

Margaret' silent humming filled her ears then and she started to lose her hold of the world after the maid tipped her head and poured the pain medicine slowly down her un-resisting throat. Her small hands wiped the sweat from her forehead softly as the humming turned a bit more cheerful. _"You'll be fine, My Lady Merlyn,"_ the warrior heard her whisper as she stroked her hair, _"and soon, you'll find your way back to Master Mordred."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this one, leave a comment if you did!


	19. The mothers

Two weeks had gone by painfully slow. Merlyn had been ordered to stay in her room for most of the time once again, so she would not pull any stitches. She was lucky to have her magic, so she could keep most of the wounds from scarring, the only three would be the one running from her neck to her navel, the ones on her back and then the stab wound over her hip where Theo had stabbed her just before he had died. And the magic was healing them internally more quickly, so she was almost completely better. It was fortunate that Gaius knew about her magic, so he could just tell anyone who asked that the wounds were not really that bad and she was a fast healer, so no one would start suspecting anything.

But the most annoying part of her injuries, was the fact that her memory was very blurry; she only remembered bits and pieces here and there, like what injuries she got when Theo spoke, the moment when Mordred's voice rang in her head and then everything from getting freed to the moment she was placed on the patient cot. Merlyn knew she had been aware of people speaking close by while she had been treated, but did not know what had been said - and that was the worst thing, because she had seen the relieved, if a bit saddened, look on Arthur face when she had said it, so the prince had probably told her something important, but also something he hoped she did not hear.

The whole incident with Theo had made her feel even more guilty for not telling Arthur everything about Mordred. The druid's words were whirling in her head day after day, annoying the hell out of her - mostly because they were true. How could Arthur ever trust her completely, if she just told him a lie after lie, or omitted things all the time? She was not sure if the man even cared about her and the druid once being lovers, but Merlyn felt like he deserved to know, just for the sake of _not lying._ It was still quite a crucial part of why Mordred was obsessed with her. And then there was still the part of her being _the_ _most powerful sorceress the world would ever see_ but that was already given. But the prince was way too busy right now, only managing to visit maybe twice a week, if that even. She had made the man promise that he would try to find her sword somewhere - she had not seen in since she had been taken to the king. The blade itself was not important to her, but the hilt was because it was the original one from her first, own sword. It was a plain, wooden hilt that had the words ' _lyt heoruswealwe'_ carved in it by her when she had been about eight and over it Merlyn had wrapped leather from her very first mail that she had been given by Gregor. The two distinctive places and people were not the most pleasant ones, but she liked to keep them close by, as a memory of what not to do with her life.

Gaius had just left her room after checking her wounds and wrapping them up in clean bandages. She had been given permission join the knighting ceremony that day, to meet the new knights so there would not be any trouble later. That would be fine for her, but mildly embarrassing for them though, if they for example did not believe who she was and tried to laugh her away. While Merlyn had been mostly unconscious and completely bedridden, a new group of men had come to try out for the knights. Five of them had passed and, for Merlyn's shock, Lancelot had been given a job as an advisor for Sir Leon after saving the prince and the second in command from a punch of bandits two days ago. Leon had seen his skills and - Merlyn had wanted to rip his head off because of this - had told the king that Lance was as skilled as Merlyn was. They did have the same ways to fight, but everyone knew Merlyn was better, even when the warrior herself did not like to brag, but… she _really_ was. But either way, at least now she could better keep an eye on the man; she really wanted to trust him, but how else would Mordred get information if he did not have a spy in Camelot? And Lance was the newest person there and the only one other than Gwaine and Leon who knew something about Merlyn's feelings for the prince. Merlyn did not know if she should believe that Lance had just left the group, so it would be good to keep him close.

Donning on her armor-jacket, leather pants and black boots, Merlyn stood by her door ready to go in just a minute. She still had some bandages over her torso, but luckily not too much so the jacket went over them. But her body was still a bit stiff, so as a solution for her hair she decided to just swirl her finger in the air while her eyes flashed briefly, letting the magic pull her thick hair to a tight braid and tie it with a golden ribbon at the end. Because she had no sword anymore, she only tucked a couple of daggers to her belt before walking to the already busy corridor.

Her relationship with Arthur had been a bit weird since her rescue from the dungeons. The prince seemed to think it was his fault that she had been there for three days as he had not figured out that Aredian - Theo - was not who he said he was. Because Merlyn did not remember anything that had been said, Arthur had again told her the story of how George had seen a different man torturing her and how Arthur, Gwaine and Leon had ran to her immediately after hearing it. But that still did not explain why the man was so awkward around her now, asking almost every day if she remembered anything new. Every time she answered no and asked why, the prince went silent and never answered. It was driving Merlyn quickly to the decision to teach him a lesson when she got back to training. But at least he was not avoiding her or anything, so it was not so bad.

Navigating through the hallways was much more difficult with all the servants and guards milling around, everyone having something to carry or someone to yell at - these were the times she was extremely glad she was not a servant. She had no idea how Margaret could like her job, but it might be just that Merlyn was not a cleaner or a server, but a woman of action. Speaking of Margaret, that was the other person who was acting differently - but not necessarily in a bad way. Just a week before the whole Theo thing, the maid had still been a bit timid around Merlyn, even after working for her over ten months, but now the young girl seemed to be a lot happier, more confident and vocal that before. Merlyn wanted to think that it was her influence that had done it, or maybe Margaret had found a man to keep her spirits up - but something still seemed a bit off about it. The thought cut off suddenly when Merlyn's focus snapped to a person she had not thought she'd see that day - Morgana.

The princess was walking away from the crowd when Merlyn saw her, so the warrior jogged a bit stiffly after her. "Morgana!" She called, startling the girl form whatever though she had been having and watched a bit amused how the princess spun abruptly around to face her. "I haven't seen you in a while! You didn't even visit me while I was more bandages that skin." The witch donned her best pouting face on and was glad to hear a stifled laughter come from the girl.

"I'm sorry that I didn't visit, but Gwen did bring all the news back to me whenever she came to you," the younger girl comforted the warrior, grinning a bit weakly. She seemed very tired in Merlyn's eyes, and it must have been fairly obvious since Morgana waived a hand at her. "And I am fine, really. Just been up late writing a lot."

" _Writing_? To who?" It was obvious that she was not writing a story based on the blush that crept on Morgana's cheeks.

"There… might be a man," Morgana slowly answered, brow furrowing slightly before a wide smile spread to her lips. "We've been exchanging letters for a few weeks now, we can't really meet yet since he lives quite far away. But I think we'll meet someday." It was tough, but Merlyn managed to keep the suspicious look from her face - was it really that bad if Morgana had someone to talk to? It was just a weird coincidence that she started to write to someone the same time those gifts had been coming.

"Well, I'm glad you have a friend to talk to," she eventually mused and smiled right back to the princess, who blushed again and looked down at her hands fiddling with the hem of her blue dress. "You need to tell me more about him sometime, but right now I need to go find that brother of yours and make sure he won't get into any trouble." That got Morgana laughing merrily, more freely than before and soon enough the girl waived goodbyes, leaving with a swirl of her long skirts to her rooms. It was a bit troubling that the princess spent to much time in her chambers these days, but Merlyn could not really ask about her dreams in front of all the people milling around. The warrior stood there a while, staring at the way Morgana had disappeared. They hadn't spent a lot of time together since Merlyn had been taken to the dungeons - actually, they had not talked before today at all. Merlyn wondered if the girl was still stressed about it, or if the witch had done something wrong - which should be impossible, since she had been bedridden for two weeks before today.

The worries of Morgana were swept away soon, when Merlyn suddenly spotted a familiar mop of blonde hair a bit further away and soon she was making her way towards the prince's broad back with a grin on her lips. She tried to keep out of his sight, so she skipped carefully behind the pillars and stayed among the crowd. The bad part of her job was the fact that everyone seemed to move out of her way, so trying to hide in the crowd was a difficult thing. Just as she was about to walk behind him, she noticed that the prince was having a deep, silent conversation with a certain dark-haired maid. They were both smiling like idiots, not even paying attention to anything going around them and the look on Gwen's face was the epitome of happiness. Merlyn was shocked to notice that her mind went straight to removing the maid from the picture, and had to shake her head furiously to remove the thought. It came from behind the wall, and it actually scared her - was she _really_ so jealous of them? Of course the witch had known the night between her and Arthur did not change anything, but here she was, acting like a possessive wench over a man she spent one night with - and not even a full night! And Gwen was her friend, it was not like Merlyn could ever do anything to her.

Faintly Merlyn heard Guinevere say goodbyes to the prince and promised him that she'd visit later that day. The smile Arthur gave to the maid made Merlyn's heart clench painfully, but she forced the grin back to her lips and walked to the man after Gwen walked away. "Well, aren't you in a good mood," she chirped as cheerfully as she could, raising a brow when the prince spun around startled.

"Weren't you supposed to be recovering?" Merlyn shook her head and crossed her arms across her chest.

"The track record of successful celebrations here in Camelot has been abysmal, so I thought it would be best if I came too," shrugged Merlyn, grinning wickedly again, "God only knows what would happen if I didn't." She earned an eye roll, but saw the tuck of the corner of his mouth as Arthur tried to fight the smile.

"Don't get too cocky, karma is not friendly when you do," he reminded the warrior, offering his arm to her. Now it was her turn to offer an eye roll, but who was Merlyn to deny the chivalrous gesture of a handsome prince? "Shall we go meet your new targets of torment?"

Looping her hand around his elbow, she grinned impishly and let Arthur lead their way to the Great Hall where the new knights were already waiting for the king and prince. They turned around when the two walked in and because Merlyn was feeling a bit cruel, she forced her face to stay as cold as possible, to make her look more like a warrior than usually. The soon-to-be knights' eyes latched on to her mostly blank cerulean eyes, flicking down to the armor and daggers, lingering a bit on the almost shining dragon sigil on the collar and gauntlets she had on.

"Gentlemen," Arthur greeted. The five men dressed in their ceremonial armor and bright red capes all bowed deep, forcing their eyes away from Merlyn out of respect. They clearly already knew who she was - well, the jacket was a big giveaway, as was the stitched scar on her cheek and the daggers - but the look of mild fear was still somewhat satisfying to see. "This is Merlyn, my advisor and right hand, and the fiercest warrior we have. I suggest you try and treat her with the same respect you treat Sir Leon and me, as she will also be responsible for your training."

The men turned to her now, but as they were only starting to bow, Merlyn brought her hand up to stop them. "If you want me to respect you, you will not bow to me," she informed them, voice void of emotions still. "I do not condone any misplaced words of my gender, assumptions of my relationships, or fighting to escort me to feasts as I will certainly take care of those things myself. If you want to see another day in the ranks of Camelot, you will listen to my words, take orders from me too and never, _ever_ , think that me being a woman changes my authority or the fact that I _will_ beat the living soul out of you if you do not listen, when the prince or Sir Leon are not there. Am I clear?" All five men nodded to her set of rules, eyes wider than before. If they had known Merlyn before this, they would have recognized the playful look in her eyes as she neared the end of her rant, but they certainly did not miss the way Arthur was pursing his lips to keep the smile off his lips.

Or the way a blindingly bright smile that spread to Merlyn's own, when she saw that the men were on the same page with her, "welcome then. I think we'll get along nicely. Good luck!" The relief on the men's faces was something that almost made Merlyn lose her composure, but luckily the king walked in just then so Merlyn had to walk off. She stopped only to bow slightly to Uther as he walked to the dais, and got a tilt of his head back, accompanied by a small smile.

Uther even had visited Merlyn as she had been recovering, giving her the news of a new rule of somehow making sure that every visitor was who they said they were and then, for her shock, he had informed her that she would be given the Honor of the King - a 'special' honor that allowed someone, who was not a noble or a royal, a higher status in the castle, usually given to those who risked their lives for the good of the kingdom time and time again. Although Merlyn already had a place in the council, it was now more official than before. Gwen had brought her a silver ring marking that position and also her place as the advisor for the prince and a knight in all but name. Merlyn had been a bit bemused when she had seen the decorative sigil of a flying falcon in the round base, but she still loved it and had it on her left middle finger now too, and it would probably be her favorite piece of jewelry for the rest of her life - a proof she had done something right finally.

Taking her place on the edge of the dais a bit to the right from Arthur, she flashed a quick smile to Gwaine and Leon who were standing on the other side of the room looking regal and serious - well, Gwaine was looking as serious as he could with his mirth filled eyes and slumped posture, but still - and of course a bit bitter one to Lancelot standing behind Leon, looking uncomfortable as hell. The throne room was not decorated this time and only the most important nobles and a half of the knights were there. The knighting ceremonies were not as glamorous as the crowning ones were for example, but the feast afterwards would make up for that. 

One by one, all the men were officially knights of Camelot, and king Uther looked at them in a proud, but stern expression as he slowly paced the dais in front of them. "You have been accorded a great honor. But with that honor comes great responsibility. From this day forth, you are sworn to live by the knights' code. You have pledged to conduct yourselves with nobility, honor, and respect. Your word is your sacred bond. You will find no one who better embodies these values than my son, Arthur," he declared, clapping a hand on his son's shoulder. Even though the prince kept his face even, Merlyn saw the small glint of happiness his father's words brought him. "Follow his example, and you will prove yourselves worthy of your title."

A crash against the hall's door caught everyone's attention then, as something quite heavy hit the other side of it. The sound of battle got every single person capable of defending themselves draw out their weapons and push those without any behind them. Merlyn only had her daggers and she was still injured, so she knew she would not be able to do everything as she normally would - but that did not stop her from moving to Arthur's side who was in front of his father with his sword up and ready. "Get back, Merlyn," he hissed when another bang against the doors sounded, "you're still injured."

"Try and stop me," she huffed back and pulled the daggers out, not budging under the prince's blazing eyes. But he did not get a change to retort anymore, when the doors flung open to reveal a person donned in shining, quite new armor. They had their helmet on too, but a small fact about the knight drew her attention immediately - the familiar aura of magic.

Three knights ran at the stranger, but they were all defeated too easily - no one else felt the bursts of magic that left the stranger but Merlyn. She gritted her teeth when Arthur moved forward, but luckily it was the king who pulled the prince back and gave her an opening; as quickly as she could with her painful wounds, Merlyn jumped forward at Arthur and twisted the blade from his hand. He was the only one who had a sword that she too could use as it was not so heavy as the other's had.

Almost automatically, her feet led her forward towards the knight, who smashed her shoulder against Gwaine's chest and got him to fly backwards - but then Merlyn was there to parry the next attack, stopping the sword over their heads and eyes flashing gold as a warning so quickly that only the knight could see it. _'You really shouldn't have come here,'_ Merlyn sent to her opponent mentally, baring her teeth at her in her growing aggravation and ignoring the burning pain on her side as the stitches probably ripped with her movements.

*

_"An oath, Morgause," Merlyn said coldly, hand on the hilt of her sword, back turned to the Priestess as she was ready to leave the fortress. "Swear an oath and I won't leave now."_

_"Anything!" A hasty answer came and then a fast string of footsteps as the woman rushed to Merlyn. Morgause was not ready to let the young witch leave, and Merlyn knew that. As her back was still turned, the young girl smirked wickedly before forcing her face even again and turned around to face the Priestess._

_"An oath on your magic to **never** tell anyone about my destiny or magic if I don't give you a permission, or if I don't reveal my powers myself. I will not be taken an advantage of anymore, not by anyone. If I do something, I will do it because I want to," she sneered, disgusted. The way king Cenred had tried to use Merlyn had been enough - she was no weapon to be ordered around, not by anyone. Not anymore. That was why she had looked up two spells; an oath for magic-users and a wide-spread memory spell to erase the memories of people in the fortress about her powers. Cenred had been her test subject and… well, it went a bit south to be honest - the king did not remember anything about Merlyn anymore. _

_"Yes, yes, I will do it!" Morgause mumbled, taking a deep breath before letting her eyes burn gold as she took Merlyn's hands in her own. "I, the High Priestess of the Old Religion, swear an oath on my magic, the power that I hold and holds me, that the secret you have, will never be heard from me in any possible or impossible way, not without permission or a reveal, ic ġesweriġe on min foresweree, ic ġesweriġe." A brush of magic washed over them both before the gold faded from Morgause's eyes. The younger girl offered her a smile and surrendered to a tight hug - a plan of escape was already forming in her mind._

_*_

The brown eyes widened in shock inside the helmet, the woman stopped in her tracks giving Merlyn the opportunity to twirl the sword to the side and kick up at the knight's chest to make her stumble backwards. _'Merlyn?! What do you think you're doing, don't you know where you are and who these people are?'_ Came a stunned, almost scared answer to her mind. The warrior almost laughed at it - did the woman really think her so stupid?

 _'Leave before I make you,'_ she growled in her mind, letting the authority of her magical status flow with words, making her voice sound much deeper and powerful than it actually was. The woman knew perfectly well everything about her and the prophecy, but of course she had not cared about it in her hunger for power and blood.

But the woman answered with a cruel laugh as she advanced again, steps much more steady that Merlyn's as she backed up, legs almost giving up under her. The wounds on her sides were bleeding, she could feel it stick to the armor and flow from under the hem over her leather trousers. Even when the leather was black, the thin trails of blood were clearly visible in the light the candles of the room were throwing over the people. _'You're injured, darling. You cannot force me to do anything, not if they don't know about your magic, which I highly doubt,'_ Morgause's sickly sweet voice purred in her mind, and before Merlyn could properly even realize, the Priestess' sword's hilt smashed on her left side and made her fall to the ground groaning in pain.

When three pairs of hands came on her body to help her up and to Gaius' chambers, she heard the sound of metal against the floor and Arthur's voice saying; " I accept your challenge. If I'm to face you in combat, do me the courtesy of revealing your identity. " _Oh you idiot,_ was the last conscious thought Merlyn managed to have before the hands lifted her from the ground and the sweet darkness swallowed her down.

 

**A**

 

 _Of course_ it was a woman, what was new these days anymore? The woman who introduced herself as Morgause, was led to the furthest guest chambers there was to wait for the duel that was going to happen the next day. Although, Arthur was ready to throw her to the dungeons only because she had hurt Merlyn. Their battle had been quite strange - even without seeing either of their faces as Merlyn had her back to him and Morgause had her helmet on, it was like they had talked. First, the challenger had seemed almost scared as she had jerked backwards, but then gathered confidence from somewhere just to sent Merlyn sprawling to the ground in pain. 

The funniest thing was the fact that Morgause had seemed to glare at Merlyn as if the warrior was somehow insulting the challenger with only her presence. The look had stayed even after Merlyn had been carried to Gaius' chambers to be checked and Arthur had been forced to stay behind to listen to his father rant about women in battle, how it was not honorable to accept a challenge from a woman and everything like that, which sounded very hypocritical since the king had been the one to appoint Merlyn to her job. After pointing that out to his father, the man had fallen silent in the blink of an eye but soon practically yelled Arthur out of the room, giving the prince now a chance to almost run to see if Merlyn was still fine. She had not been hit, so her stitches were probably torn, but seeing the blood had brought up the memories of her hanging from the ceiling after the bastard Theo had tortured her for days. He still had nightmares about it.

There was a bit of a crowd in the physician's chambers, as Gwaine, Leon, Lancelot and even Hugo and Nicholas were there fretting over Merlyn's condition. The warrior herself was behind the privacy screen with Gaius, Margaret and Guinevere, because her clothes had to be mostly removed to get access to her wounds. Arthur heard the muffled curses Merlyn was letting out now that she was conscious again - when Arthur walked in, he heard his own name being cursed to the lowest of Hells, so that was nice. "I see you still live, huh?" He called out to the warrior he did not see, but heard well when she mumbled the word _clotpole_ and cursed again when Gaius apparently poked her.

"You shouldn't have taken the challenge, you idiot," he heard Merlyn grumble. The prince exchanged an amused grin with Gwen who was mostly visible from behind the screen. "It does not matter that I beat your royal ass every day, but that woman has skills."

"And how do you know that?" Arthur retorted dryly, nodding to Hugo and Nicholas as they got up to leave for their duties. Arthur took Hugo's seat next to Gwaine, who was lounging lazily in his chair with his lags propped on the table right next to an open book of medicine Gaius must have been reading before Merlyn was brought to him. "If you were in full health, I'm sure you would've gotten her on the ground in the matter of seconds."

" _Why_ do you put so much faith in my talents, hm?" An angry snap came now and some scuffling before the warrior in question appeared from behind the screen. She had wrapped a blanket around her bandage covered torso to cover her modesty, but the thing Arthur's attention glued to was her furiously glowing eyes. "I'm not _unbeatable_ , Arthur! I lose like everyone else, the only advantage I have is that most people don't expect a tiny woman like me to be so strong and fast. But those people are _men_ , a woman would not underestimate me, like you should not underestimate a woman either." A small hint of… fear was barely audible in Merlyn's voice, and that threw Arthur in a loop - she was _never_ scared! Why now? Did she know this Morgause or whoever she was?

"I'm not underestimating her," he assured the warrior, a hesitant smile playing on his lips as he tried to meet the heated glare of hers. She was clearly certain that Arthur could not take another woman seriously during combat. Well, he did think that there could be no way that another woman could beat him too, that would be just too embarrassing. "Why are you so afraid?"

"I'm not afraid," she scoffed back and backed away behind the screen again when Gaius made an impatient sound at her. "I just don't want to be the one to hunt that woman down if she manages to kill you." Arthur heard her breath hitch again as Gaius probably re-stitched her wounds. The woman really needed to start to take care of herself once in a while, and not just Arthur. He was the prince for crying out loud, and that meant he was very capable of taking care of himself! He did not need Merlyn to fix everything all the time, even though she seemed to think she had to. Yes, maybe he did sometimes screw up or get in trouble, but he was not helpless!

"Thank you for the confidence, _Mer_ lyn," grumbled the prince, trying to ignore the way Gwaine snickered next to him and got up from the chair. Thank goodness Leon knew not to laugh, even though he did have a slight smile on his lips too. The knights took too much amusement from listening to him and Merlyn. "I think I can do something by myself."

"I'll let you know when that happens, sire," came the dry answer behind the screen when he was already walking to the door, which made Gwaine lose his cool and start laughing. Annoyed, Arthur huffed and waived a hand at the warrior, which she of course did not see but probably knew he did, because she started chuckling too. He saw a glimpse of her face when he looked back fromfrom door, eyes locking briefly on hers. He saw the fear clearly in her eyes even when she was still smiling, Arthur already knew the warrior well enough for that. Merlyn did not say anything anymore though, just waived a hand to him before he disappeared to the corridor. He made his way straight to his chambers to meet up with Gwen as promised.

It was lucky that the maid was the daughter of the best blacksmith in the kingdom, so the prince was able to ask her for help a few days after rescuing Merlyn from the dungeons. He had heard that Merlyn had had her birthday months ago, but never told anyone as it had been the time she had been pushing everyone away because of Mordred. So, now that he knew that she needed a new weapon, Arthur had went straight to Gwen to ask a favor from her - the lovely maid had been over the moon about the request, even though it was the most normal thing one could ask from a blacksmith, but she still saw it as a romantic gesture. Sure, it was that too if one squinted enough, but Arthur thought of it more of a gesture of convenience - new blades for a warrior. Plural, yes - twin blades to be exact. Merlyn had already shown great skill with two weapons in hand, so why not give her two swords? He had asked Tom and Percival to keep them shorter than a regular blade and only use the finest, lightest and most resilient metals they had, and scabbards for both. He did not know what they looked like just yet, but if Gwen's suspicions were correct, they would be ready now.

His chambers doors were open already when the prince walked to the familiar corridor, and inside he found the maid in question standing a bit nervously beside his dining table. She had left Margaret to help Gaius to treat Merlyn just before Arthur had left. A neatly wrapped bundle had been placed on the table, only showing him a small glimpse of a black leather scabbard. "Guinevere," Arthur greeted with a small smile, eyes glued to the bundle, itching to open it and see the blades.

Gwen seemed to notice this, as she just grinned widely and waived a hand to the objects. "Go ahead, sire. I hope they are good enough," she mused as she stepped a bit backwards to give the prince some more space. He wasted no time to walk over and pull the cloth off of the blades. The scabbards were fairly simple, made from a sturdy black leather with some sort of metal embedded inside to keep them from falling apart. The leather was smooth with a few beautiful decorative leaves and the familiar dragon. But the blades… they were beautiful. They were not decorative or anything, but just plain gorgeous - shiny, light and they somehow reminded Arthur of Merlyn herself. Simple, but beautiful and undoubtedly deadly. The hilts were made of metal too, but they had the same kind of dark leather wrapped around them as the scabbards did, for a better grip.

"Good enough?" Arthur huffed as he twirled the other sword in the air, just to test it out. It was really light, but still looked like it could handle anything. He was sure that Merlyn would be impressed. "They are better than I could've imagined." Guinevere beamed brightly at his compliment and watched how Arthur sheathed the blades again. He wanted to give them to Merlyn as soon as possible, even though he was not sure if the warrior would even like them. Merlyn might be too attached to her old one or try to be coy and try to reject the gift, but maybe just this once she would just accept a friendly gesture and not be stubborn about it?

"How's it going with her?" He heard the maid ask then. No longer was Gwen too shy around the prince, and he honestly liked it much more like that. At first their friendship had been a bit hard as they tried to keep it hidden just to keep the unnecessary rumors out, but luckily none had gone around the castle. People had seen how much the prince had changed, so him being friends with a servant was not so weird anymore. Lately, their conversations had been about Gwen's interest in Lancelot too, not just about Arthur's hopeless infatuation of Merlyn. Gwen was not yet sure if she really even liked the former-assassin - a fact she did not even know, and Arthur did not want to be the one to tell her - but had appreciated Arthur's words of encouragement.

But when the subject was now again Merlyn, the prince felt a bit down. "Not good, to be honest," he sighed and leaned against the table to face the woman. "I can't really just go and tell her, and then expect her to wait until I become king. That could be years from now, and I don't think she even thinks of me like that."

"You _can't_ be serious?" The maid boldly scoffed and placed her hands on her hips, looking a lot like a scolding mother when she did that. "Let's review the facts, shall we? First of all, you were the one to get her to finally relax and let all of us see who she really is."

"That was more Morgana and Leon," the man murmured dismissively, but Gwen just waived a hand at him to shut him up. She really was not the shy, invisible maid he had once thought.

"Secondly, even after she laid out a no-kissing rule, she kissed you when she thought you were asleep," Gwen continued, holding two fingers up. Though soon she had a third one up. "Thirdly, have you seen the way she looks at you?"

Now Arthur actually was confused. "What do you mean?"

"Servants are invisible, sire. Even Merlyn does not always notice me when I'm in the same room as she is," Gwen said now smiling gently and walked to the prince, placing her hands on his shoulders and squeezed them a bit. "She looks at you the same way you look at her."

But Arthur could not believe it, how could he? The warrior had been pretty adamant about not wanting anything with him and that their night together had been a just a drunken mistake. "You are delusional, Guinevere," the prince huffed and shrugged her hands off, shaking his head as he walked around the table to pour himself a goblet of wine. "I'm sorry, but I can't believe that. Surely she would have said something, because… well, I'm not really trying to _hide_ it or anything."

"Oh dear," the maid now chuckled and crossed her arms across her chest, raising an eyebrow at the confused prince, "you might be pretty obvious about it, but Merlyn is also very blind. I've heard what she has said to Morgana, and most of the time she thinks you hate her. Or that you act strangely, and she has no idea why."

"Why would I hate her?" Arthur huffed and placed the still full goblet down. Sure, he had been pushing Merlyn away more than once, but had it really looked like hate? He and Merlyn had come to the conclusion though, that they were both extremely bad with emotions and things like that, so it was quite obvious that neither of them might not even know about the others feelings. But could he really believe what Gwen says? Sure, there had been some… _signs_ if one could say that, like the kiss and her strange protectiveness.

"I'm not saying you do, but trying to push her away every other week might feel like it," Gwen sighed, shifting a bit. "And I'm not saying that I know exactly what she thinks, but it sure looks like she fancies you in some way. It would do you good to talk to her about it, see where she is."

 _Of course it would be a good thing_ , Arthur thought as he downed the wine in one swift gulp. He knew perfectly well that if he kept his own thoughts hidden any longer, he would explode from it all. He was already fretting over her remembering the words he had said to her unconscious form, thinking she had no idea he had even been there - and then, it turns out she had known but did not remember. It would be a lot better for them both if Arthur told her straight before the warrior remembered on her own and never said anything. But there was still the danger of Mordred casting its shadows over them, making the possibility of Merlyn and him ever being anything more than prince and his advisor something he could only dream of. Arthur had no idea what sort of a relationship Merlyn and the psychopath had, but it had seemed like the man had been in love with her but she had no such feelings for him. That made Mordred even more dangerous - and made Arthur's endeavor to reveal his feelings impossible.

 

***

 

The next morning, Arthur was up and ready to move at dawn. The duel would be help at midday, so he had a lot of time to try and relax, and go see Merlyn before the battle. He had not made up his mind about talking to the warrior, but he knew the decision would be made once he saw her. It always happened like that, he would fret and worry himself gray with something, and then comes Merlyn, a calm and steady presence who always seemed like she had everything under control and knew exactly what she wanted, and that always gave him the courage to decide.

A knock came from his chamber door with a muffled call for his name when the prince was walking to the dining area, already wearing his chainmail over his red tunic. Arthur recognized Merlyn's voice even through the thick wood, and bid her in after hastily hiding the blades for a moment. The warrior walked confidently in, expression quite grim and worried, even when she tried to muster a smile. "Morning," she tightly greeted, hand gripping the hilt of a… _sword?_ And where the hell did that come from? Merlyn seemed to notice his puzzled look as she flashed a small grin. "Lancelot gave it to me yesterday. It's similar to what mine was, and he had it just lying around as a spare so he wanted me to have it."

"Ah, right," the prince mumbled, combing his messy blonde hair with the fingers of his right hand, turning to the window to hide his mild disappointment. "What brings you here then? Did you not curse me enough yesterday?" He heard the young woman mumble something incoherent before a mop of wildly curling dark hair appeared next to him.

"When have I ever cursed you enough?" She snorted, leaning her back against the wall next to the window. Arthur risked a small peek at her, but she was not looking at him so he dared to stare a bit longer. The warrior looker utterly exhausted, dark circles under her eyes and eyelids drooping. It was like she had not slept at all last night, it was clearly visible even though she was trying to keep her expression cheerful. Even her clothes were wrinkled from probably tossing and turning in her bed, which explained her messy, tangled hair too. She did not have her jacket on that day, but a dark grey tunic and an open leather vest over it. Her posture seemed much stiffer too - Arthur hoped it was because of the bandages and not because she was afraid.

Suddenly, her blue eyes were looking up at his own, a look of curiosity and worry shining in them. "About what you said yesterday…" she started, voice a bit weak from suppressed emotions. Merlyn turned and pressed her shoulder against the wall now, facing him completely. "I am afraid. For you, if that was not clear enough."

"I still know how to fight, even when you get a bit lucky sometimes," Arthur huffed back and looked out of the window again, a bit aggravated of her lack of support. But his words did not even make Merlyn flinch, she just sighed as her head fell against the wall too. From the corner of his eye, he saw how she briefly let down the brave, chipper mask she had on fall, now showing better how exhausted she really was. He could even see the worry lines that were forming around her eyes and the corners of her mouth.

But before he could comment - which would probably have made her angry to be honest - Merlyn shook her head and looked up to his face. He did not look back, but could almost feel the look on him. "I know you're skilled, I never doubted that," she mumbled, rubbing her face a bit now and let out a heavy breath between her hands. "But you can't be a gentleman out there. You know as well as I do that she won't be pulling back any punches, so neither should you."

"The way you speak of her sounds like you know her," he attempted to joke and flashed a wry grin at her, but did not get one back - honestly, it looked like she dropped back in her shell after his words. "Do you-"

Merlyn cut him off before he could ask the question properly, waiving a hand at him. "It does not matter right now. Just promise me I won't have to save the day again, all right? I don't think Gaius would like that," a clearly forced smile spread to her lips after her words, and just for the sake of peace between them, Arthur managed to muster a tight laugh of his own and nod to her.

"I'll try," he murmured, shifting a bit awkwardly in his place under the warrior's stern gaze. She was not convinced, he could see it. She did stand there a while longer though, biting her lip and looking like she wanted to say something else. Arthur dared not to break her concentration, just to give her a chance to open up as the thing she was thinking seemed to be quite a big thing.

"Promise me you'll survive, ok?" Eventually the weak mumble reached his ears. As he turned to see the warrior better, he almost broke down at the sight of her pleading, vulnerable eyes and the way she had her lower lip trapped between her teeth. Even with the dark purple circles under her eyes, she looked like a normal girl then and it brought a small, gentle smile on the prince's lips. He huffed a bit and boldly pulled the warrior in a tight hug.

"If I survive, you owe me a drink," he repeated the words she had said before the fight with the wraith and felt how Merlyn's shoulder shook a bit as she snickered at his words. She never looked up though, so he was not sure if the laughter was real or forced, her worry seemed to be so great that it was a wonder if he managed to lighten her mood at all. "I should go get ready."

Nodding, Merlyn tightened her hold of his waist for a moment before she pulled back. "Yeah, sure," she mumbled. He noticed how she tried to hide the fact that she had to wipe her eyes, but once again decided to keep his mouth shut. It was never a good idea to mention Merlyn showing emotions if she didn't bring it up herself. "I'll go, uh… do… something. Take care."

They bid silent goodbyes after that, both of their eyes lingering on each other a bit longer than normally, him longingly, trying to find the courage to say the words, and hers… well, he was not really sure what it was. It was a mixture of so many emotions that he had no time to read them before she was already out of the door and left Arthur leaning against the wall next to the window, rubbing his eyes and cursing his cowardliness once again. He was never going to tell her with this rate.

 

***

 

"Make me a promise and I will spare your life."

Arthur was laying on the ground of the arena, the tip of Morgause's swords against his chest with her looming over him. He had not been able to help it - when Arthur had gotten a hit on the woman's arm and she had lost her blade, he had given her a chance to retrieve it. And that had been his downfall, as she had gotten him on the ground only a few minutes later. Arthur just knew that Merlyn was disappointed in him right now, and truth be told, he was too - he had known perfectly well that the woman could beat him if he gave her the chance, but had forgotten that just to be seen as the gentleman.

"What is it you ask?" He coughed, still a bit breathless from the fall. Briefly, Arthur dared to glance at the crowd. First he saw his father and sister, both staring at them expectantly, afraid of the outcome, and then there was Merlyn who had one arm from both Leon and Gwaine around her to make sure she would not jump over the barrier. The look in her eyes was frightening, and it was directed at the woman who literally held his life in her hands right then.

"Come to me three days hence and accept the challenge I set to you, and I will tell you about your mother," she declared, still holding the sword against his torso, eyes unwavering as she stared at his. Arthur really had no choice in the matter, there was no one who could stop her from piercing his body if he declined. And hearing her mention his mother made his heart beat faster than before, so he really did not even want to decline, not even if it did not mean certain death. "Do I have your word that you will accept, no matter what?"

The only thing he could do in that position, was to weakly nod and say, "you have my word." And with that, Morgause smirked and pulled the sword back. Surprisingly, she offered a hand to the prince to help him up from the ground. As he accepted it, he saw how Merlyn turned on her heels and marched from the arena to the castle. Arthur knew for a fact that she would be waiting in his chambers, if only to yell about his stupid behavior. Sighing inwardly, he offered a small bow to Morgause before walking off of the arena to undoubtedly meet his doom, one way or another.

 

***

 

As it turned out, Merlyn did not even yell. She just stood there beside Arthur's dining table when he walked in, arms crossed and brow furrowed. To be honest, she didn't have to yell - the disappointed look she gave to the prince was quite enough. He tried to joke about her owing a drink to him now, but she didn't even flinch, just stared at him blankly the whole time he went to explain what had happened and what he had promised. They both knew his father would never let him leave the kingdom, so it would unfortunately fall to Merlyn to find a way to sneak him out - everyone knew she would never let him leave alone. So, after getting the silent treatment from the warrior - and it seriously was a lot more scarier than her yelling and raging -, Arthur made his way to let his father know what he had promised to Morgause, and as suspected, the king put him under the guards' watchful eye. Well, what his father thought was a watchful eye, as that had been one of the things Merlyn had been right from the start - most of the guards were idiots.

"I went to see Morgause earlier before she left," Merlyn informed him when she came to his chambers late that day. This time, she had put on the armor-jacket he had gifted her and had her hair tightly braided, but he saw the lingering stiffness in her movements - the wounds were not fairing any better since she had ripped them less than a day ago, but who could stop her from going with the prince? She had brought a long piece of rope with her to get the man out of his chamber window - originally, she had suggested that she'd distract the guards somehow, but escaping from the window had seemed like a much better idea to Arthur. "Asked about where we were supposed to go, and she just said that you'd know the way when you needed to." Merlyn's face looked like she was forcing it to stay blank as she tied the rope on a metal bar at the window. She had said that she was not about to run all the way around the castle if she could very well climb out too, and not even Arthur's fretting over her wounds had changed her mind.

"Hm… I wonder what that means," he mumbled, staring intently for a change on Merlyn's face, but only saw her shrug nonchalantly, face perfectly innocent - too innocent to be honest. That was a clear sign of her hiding something, but now was not the time to start an argument over it. "Do you know her?"

Her movements slowed down a bit after his question, but soon enough she was moving again, this time almost angrily tying the rope in a know so they would not drop halfway through. "All you need to know is that she's an evil woman, who does anything to get what she wants," a tight, almost choked answer drifted to his ears as it had been said so quietly he almost missed it. He was leaning against his bedpost then, so he just waited for her to explain more, but nothing came so he let out a heavy sigh as he pushed himself away from the bed and walked to the warrior. Her moves seemed a bit frantic, so he quickly grabbed her wrists and got her eyes to jump up to his.

"I think it's fine," he said and looked pointedly at the knot - it was so tight he doubted it would come off without cutting it. He smiled a bit when Merlyn grinned sheepishly and nodded, letting then go of her wrists. The touch sent the same shivers across his spine as always, and for a moment it looked like Merlyn had felt it too as she stiffened when he had grabbed her. But neither of them said anything, though Arthur's mind was filled again with Gwen's words. He really wanted to believe the maid, believe that Merlyn really was hiding her real feelings - and somehow it did not feel like such a big leap when he thought of it more. They had a real, strong connection and they both enjoyed each other's company, even when they feigned annoyance more than actually showing it. And it was true that he had been the first to really see the real her, and if Lancelot did not count, right now he was the only one in Camelot who knew about her past. Even Leon and Gwaine did not know everything, only the things about Mordred. Arthur and Merlyn had agreed to keep most of it a secret, just to keep people from turning on her.

Arthur went down first, just in case Merlyn's injuries were still bothering her and she was not able to hold on to the rope long enough. Fortunately, she managed to climb down easily enough so he did not have to catch her, and soon they were sneaking quickly but carefully across the castle grounds to the stables where their horses were waiting. He had no idea what the woman had meant when she had said Arthur would know the way when he needed to, as it made no sense. How could he know where to go when he did not even know where Morgause had come from? Merlyn on the other hand seemed to be confident about them finding the right route, so he tried to steel himself too.

They rode the whole day, only stopping to give the horses time to recover before continuing again. By the time the sun went down though, they decided to make camp. It was lucky that Merlyn was used to camping out, so she was able to cook them some food after Arthur shot down a few rabbits. It was nothing special since they did not know anything about herbs and things like that, but it was food nonetheless. "So, why are you so invested in meeting Morgause?" Asked Merlyn after they had finished their meal and were just leaning against a fallen tree, gazing at the small fire Merlyn had lit for them for warmth.

"She said she knew my mother," Arthur answered quietly after a long silence, not daring to look at the warrior on his left. He did not want to see if she was disappointed with him or not. "Is that wrong?" A small shuffle sounded from where Merlyn was, and soon she had moved closer, pressing a comforting hand on his forearm.

"It's not. I'd do the same," she sighed, a distant look in her dark eyes as she stared somewhere to the direction of the fire. "What was she like?"

"I never knew her. She died before I opened my eyes," he mumbled, swallowing against the lump forming in his throat. The prince knew Merlyn would understand his need to find out about his mother, as the warrior too knew almost nothing about hers. "I barely know anything about her, father won't talk about her at all. It is almost like she never existed." The hand on his forearm slid slowly down, fingers curling around his now. The gentle squeeze was a lot more comforting than he would have ever thought - before the young woman could pull her hand away, he took hold of it tightly.

"That's the same with my parents," he heard Merlyn whisper, though her voice was strangely more angry than sad. Talking about them must be bringing up memories of her kidnapper again. "I never really knew them, I just have the vaguest memories of my mother… they could be just my imagination."

"I'd do anything for even the vaguest memory," Arthur answered with a small, a bit bitter smile on his lips though it was not directed at her. He knew practically nothing about his mother, nothing other than the fact that she had been killed by magic. The story his father had told the seven-year-old little prince haunted his mind still - how a sorcerer had maliciously offered her help for the royal couple to have a child, never telling about the price it would need; a life. And how the sorceress had taken queen Ygraine's life as the price, without saying a thing. He knew it was the reason his father was so adamant in ridding the world of magic, but… something felt odd about it. Always had, for example why would a sorceress just come and help the king and queen to have a child, and then suddenly turn on them? What would she gain from it? And now that he was older and experienced a bit more, he had been questioning a lot of what his father had told him about magic; mostly if it really was that evil. Arthur did not know if he should think that his father was lying, but some days his mind went there automatically.

Without him realizing, his eyes had slid down to stare at his and Merlyn's hands that were still together on top of his thigh. Her fingers were gently intertwined with his, squeezing softly and giving him a bit of comfort with just a small touch like that. It felt like gentle lightning under his skin where it touched hers, and she did not seem to mind that he held on.

"You should try and sleep," he eventually sighed, but refused to let go of her hand just yet - he wanted to linger as long as he could. Looking up to the warrior, he was surprised to see her already dozing off against the tree she had been leaning against, looking so relaxed and innocent that Arthur had a really hard time to believe she had gone through so much. It was strange to think that such a beautiful, funny, sometimes even gentle person could've been so dark and twisted once, it just did not fit the sight before him right then; Merlyn's head had fallen sideways, so her temple was leaning against the hard bark of the tree, some strands of her hair hanging over her face, mouth slightly open. Arthur swore he even saw a bit of drool on the corner of her mouth - and it did not disgust him, only brought a fond smile on his lips. She deserved a goodnight's sleep for once, but it was a hard fact that sleeping in a bedroll would not be warm or comfortable. So, after hesitating a minute, he sighed and shifted a bit in his place before gently pulling the girl closer. Even with all her disturbing, deadly strength, she was so tiny that he was able to lift her easily between his legs so her back was against his chest. The position was a bit uncomfortable for him, but he bet that she'd sleep like a dead person that night between him and the blanket he pulled over them.

"Night, Merlyn," he mumbled, leaning his head back against the tree and lifting his eyes to the sky. One of them had to keep watch, and like hell he was about to wake the young woman up from her much needed sleep.

*

_"This man… he's not someone you could trust?" The only thing he saw between the grey blur was the pair of shining, blue eyes gazing at him and cheeks flushed in a pretty pink color that looked weird, but oddly right on the pale skin._

_"He is, believe me. I trust him with my life, but… let's just say a lot of bad things could happen if someone found out. So I prefer to keep them to myself and suffer alone if it comes to that. He, uh… he has a lot more to worry about than me and my secrets."_

_His ears were filled with the most beautiful moaning he could ever imagine, something only the mightiest of Gods could create, the words, "you have no idea how long I've dreamed of this," were like music to his ears and all he could think of was that the words seemed to have a another meaning to them._

_"Do you trust me so little?!" He shouted, scared and confused and angry, afraid that he would do something to the unearthly creature standing to vulnerably in front of him, hugging herself with her arms, blue eyes filled with tears of shame._

_"I trust you with my life, Arthur." And there was no lie in her words, just pure loyalty and commitment, resonating with unconditional faith and love that filled his heart with hope and pushed violently the heavy weight off of his shoulders, leaving him almost floating over the ground._

_"First of all, you were the one to get her to finally relax and let all of us see who she really is. Secondly, even after she laid out a no-kissing rule, she kissed you when she thought you were asleep. Thirdly, have you seen the way she looks at you?"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Servants are invisible, sire. Even Merlyn does not always notice me when I'm in the same room as she is. She looks at you the same way you look at her."_

_"Oh dear, you might be pretty obvious about it, but Merlyn is also very blind."_

_*_

Arthur woke up suddenly, startled by the feeling of something moving against him and he had to think for a moment what it could be - then he remembered last night and how he had lifted Merlyn to sleep against him. His muscles and back were screaming as his own position had not been the best, but it felt like it had been worth it, at least when he felt her still there. The sun was casting its first rays in his eyes when he opened them, blinking tiredly and peered down, coming face against a puff of messy, half-braided hair of the warrior still asleep between his legs. Before he could even notice, a smile graced his lips as the woman moved in her sleep, shifting to a better position against his chest and mumbling something he did not really hear. It seemed that she had slept quite well and wanted to continue, but they really needed to move soon if Arthur wanted to meet Morgause in time.

"Merlyn," he mumbled softly, shaking her shoulder a bit to wake her up. Luckily she was a light sleeper, so it only took him that one try to get her eyes to open up. He watched how she blinked slowly several times before her brain caught on where she was, but surprisingly she seemed to be just fine with it, only peering up at her living pillow and smiling sleepily. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah," a slurred answer came from her the same time she stretched a bit before sitting up. She stayed between his legs though, turning to him. "I'm guessing I did not crawl here in my sleep?"

Snorting, the prince shook his head and tried to stretch his aching back. It cracked satisfyingly and prompted a pleased smile out of him. "You dozed off and I thought you'd probably sleep better there than on a bedroll. You've been walking half sleep for days, so it was worth it." The only answer he got was a silent hum and a curious look from her, but he tried to ignore it as well as he could. The strange flashbacks he had dreamed of were still spinning in his mind, making him a bit absent-minded so he did not even notice that the warrior got up and left him without a blanket in the morning chill. The absence of her body pressed against his made him feel surprisingly empty, but he was determined to not let it bother him too much.

Together, they cleared the camp up and were soon riding forward again, both munching on their apples the same time. They did not speak almost at all during the rest of the way, but he did notice the curious looks Merlyn sent to his direction - he tried his best not to be bothered, but eventually he met her gaze and flashed a small smile at her. Arthur was not sure if she noticed his shyness or if she could read the emotions running around in his mind, but the slight raises of her eyebrow and grins back told him that she was still a bit baffled. Gwen was right, she really was oblivious when it came to feelings, the prince was not even trying to hide the fondness but she did not even bat an eye at it.

The way they were going was not really something he chose, it was almost like Hengroen was going wherever he wanted to, but he tried not to show it to Merlyn. The warrior was a bit paranoid when it came to things she could not explain, so it was better to let her think Arthur knew where he was going. But when they reached a lake, the prince was utterly confused as he tried to stop his horse but it just continued forward. "Now where's he going?" He blurted out without thinking, then biting his lip tightly as he glanced over his shoulder at Merlyn - the weirdest thing about the whole situation was the realization that Merlyn did not even seem bothered. She just met his eyes steadily, as if she was already aware of what was happening and what was going to happen - like a warrior ready to meet her doom, to be honest, and it was freaking Arthur out a bit.

But he could not really focus on it too much as Hengroen led them across the water, effectively wetting his trousers all the way to the middle of his thigh and then through a waterfall that got the rest of him soaked. The man groaned in annoyance, shaking his head like a dog to get the water off before looking up. Before them was a huge pile of stones. It looked faintly like a fortress, but it had clearly lost its former glory years ago and it had been left to crumble down after that.

"If we weren't sure Morgause was a sorcerer before, we can be certain of it now," he mumbled mostly to himself, but heard the slightly choked sound Merlyn made as she dismounted her horse. Her whole frame was rigid, eyes roaming all over the ruined fortress, wary and extremely agitated as far as he could tell. Merlyn had never been very good in these situations, going to a place they knew nothing about to face a person they also knew not. But it felt like the only chance to hear something about his mother, so Arthur was not backing down. "That must've been how she defeated me. She was using magic."

Merlyn snorted at his words, a bit crazed look in her eyes as she raised a brow at him while tying the reins of her horse in a tree nearby. "Hmm, it didn't look like she was," she retorted, a challenging smile playing on her lips, but he saw the secrecy clearly on her face. The way she tried to hide things from him was getting very old by now, but he could not really go and confront her about it because it always made things a lot worse. Though, she was always like this when it came to magic, but it did not make it any better.

"And what would you know about magic, _Mer_ lyn?" He drily asked, but only got a shrug back from her before she was already walking towards the halfway fallen staircase. Grumbling to himself, Arthur followed after he got Hengroen tied next to Saewig, jumping up the stairs two steps a time to catch up with Merlyn who was looking around in a mildly bored way. She pointedly ignored his questioning gaze, leading the way through the maze of tiny, crumbled corridors until stopping in a courtyard somewhere middle of the structure. The walls around them did not look very sturdy as over a half of the building had collapsed, but the part that was still intact looked like it could hold itself up. In the middle of the quite big square was a wooden chopping block with an axe stuck on top of it - and behind that, a figure dressed in a deep red, quite new dress walked around one of the more strong looking walls, coming to a stop as the dark brown eyes latched on to his.

"You kept your promise," Morgause said, shocked to see the prince standing a bit in front of the warrior heatedly glaring at the woman who had invited them there. Morgause paid no heed to Merlyn though, seemingly unaffected by the murderous look she was receiving and just slowly made her way to stand next to the chopping block ominously situated right there on their path.

Steeling himself, Arthur squared his shoulders as took a step closer as a fairly obvious challenge as he steadily met the inquiring gaze of the strange woman. "What is the nature of the challenge you wish to set me?"

A small smile grazed Morgause's lips before she could contain it, gesturing at the block with her hand as an invitation, "place your head on the block." It took the prince a small moment of staring at the woman dubiously, before he gritted his teeth and took a deep breath. He really had no choice, there might only be just one Morgause but it made sense that she had magic; how else would Arthur's horse know where to go? Merlyn might not have no idea how magic really worked, but to the man it was fairly obvious so they had no chance of surviving if he decided to rebel the request. But he still hesitated when he reached the block, looking up at the woman holding the axe in her slender hand expectantly. "You gave me your word that you would do anything I asked."

He heard the silent protest coming from behind him when he kneeled before the block and placed his head on it, hands clasped behind his back. "Stay out of this, Merlyn!" He grunted when he heard the warrior take a hasty step closer. Surprisingly she did what was told, even if a bit reluctantly if the cursing he heard told anything. He would not put Merlyn in danger - she had advised him not to be a gentleman, she had been his rock during the journey here and even listened when Arthur had spoken about his mother. None of the people in Camelot really deserved the loyalty she showed them every single day, even when the young woman was on the brink of death she came through and somehow saved the day, always thinking about others first and her own needs last. The prince closed his eyes, desperately latching on to the memory of her sleeping peacefully against his chest last night, hoping that thought would be his last if it came to it.

The telltale sound of a weapon being brought up reached his ears after a minute of silence, but as he took a deep breath to brace himself, a feeling of… _safety_ washed over him. It was not a normal thing to feel when you were literally on the chopping block, but there was no mistaking it. It felt warm, safe and somehow familiar. He knew he had felt thins way before, somewhere where he had thought he was in danger but his thoughts were cut off suddenly as the ragged blade of the axe appeared in front of his eyes, stuck once more in the wood. "You have shown that you are truly a man of your word, Arthur Pendragon, and for that I will grant you one wish," he heard Morgause's pleased over him, "tell me what it is that your heart most desires."

"You said you knew my mother" he gasped, relived to be alive still and scrambled up from the ground, brushing his brown trousers clean from the dirt. In his haste to ask about his mother, Arthur did not even think again about the strange feeling he had felt before or how it slowly almost pulled away. He didn't even spare a glance at Merlyn, but heard her let out a heavy breath she had undoubtedly been holding for a while. "Tell me all that you know about her."

What he had not expected at all, was the answer he got; "perhaps you would like to see her." What did she think he would say, _no?!_ Of course Arthur wanted see his mother. He had only seen one portrait of queen Ygraine and even that was locked in the king's personal vaults these days, out of sight, out of mind. Or out of Uther's mind at least, there was not a day that Arthur did not think of his mother at least briefly. So the only thing he could do was to nod, no doubt his face was shining with excitement. The woman smiled softly, but her eyes were wide with her own, strange excitement and almost hunger, though he knew not why.

The sound of fast footsteps jerked the prince out of his haze as the a bit neglected warrior jogged to catch him. "Are you sure you want to do this?" She whispered agitated, eyes flicking back and forth between Morgause's back and his eyes. For a moment, he was about to ask why Merlyn was so damn afraid of Morgause. It was not like she knew the woman, right? Although, she had been around a lot so there was a chance they had met before - that would explain her warning before they had climbed out of Arthur's window. "Uther won't forgive you if he finds out you've collaborated with a sorcerer."

Arthur raised a dubious brow at the young woman beside him, peering a bit down as she was walking so close he almost could not see her face. "If you were granted the same opportunity, would you not want to meet your parents?" He asked quietly, humming then when Merlyn's face fell a bit in understanding. It was a low blow, but at least she understood. A small silence reigned between them as they navigated along the corridors behind the blonde mysterious woman, when a thought came to him, "what if my father's attitude to magic is wrong?"

There was no answer for a moment, so he risked a fleeting look at her. Merlyn had her lower lip trapped between her teeth and hand gripping the hilt of her sword so tight her knuckles were turning white. It was understandable, seeing as her father was accused of magic, though she might not even know that. But the warrior had always been quite open with everything that came to it, "you really think that?"

Arthur shrugged tightly, turning to looks at Morgause's back again. "Perhaps it's not as simple as he would have us believe. Morgause is a sorcerer, she has caused us no harm. Surely not everyone who practices magic can be evil." A scoff came from Merlyn now and their eyes met briefly as she was shaking her head.

"We don't actually know why she's doing this," she mumbled, jaw clenching furiously as she looked forward at the woman now stopping beside a stone altar filled with candles, all lit already. "But like I said, she would do anything to get what she wants."

Before the prince could ask anything more, Morgause's voice rang from the other side of the room, "it is time. " Breathing deeply, Arthur took briefly hold of Merlyn's hand to give it a tight squeeze before he bravely walked at the center of the room. "Close your eyes. _Arásae mid min miclan mihte þín suna to helpe. Hider eft funde on þisse ne middangeard þín suna w'æs."_

A soft breeze of wind surrounded him as he kept his eyes closed, waiting for a sign. He could almost feel the magic around him, doing something - he did not feel the safety anymore, but maybe that had been just his imagination.

"Arthur."

The voice was frail but musical, and even a bit familiar to him though he was sure he had not ever heard it before. But he still opened his eyes to see the speaker and was shocked to see his own eyes peering back at him - but on a face he faintly recognized from the portrait his father had locked away from him. "Mother."

A soft smile spread on her lips, his mother's lips at the sound of his voice. With the grace of a queen, she glided forward, hand raising up to cup his cheek. She was so small compared to him, as tiny as Merlyn was actually but the queen was much more slender, like a proper noble and not a warrior. "My son," Ygraine breathed, hastily pulling her son to a tight hug. He knew it was not real, that his mother was not really alive, but even when she felt a bit cold against him, it still felt like coming home finally. Her blonde hair, the same shade as Arthur's, brushed against his cheek, ticking - he desperately pressed his face to it to hide the tears already spilling to his cheeks.

"When I last held you, you were a tiny baby. I remember your eyes," Ygraine wetly laughed, pulling back to see his teary eyes. Her thin thumbs came up to wipe his cheeks dry, a wide happy smile splitting her face the whole time. "You were staring up at me. Those few seconds I held you were the most precious of my life."

The guilt the prince had carried his whole life spilled free now as he held his mother in his arms. "I'm so sorry," he choked, trying to stifle the sobs that threatened to escape from his throat. "It was my birth that caused you to die."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, my son," the queen shushed him, brushing a strand of his overgrown hair away from his forehead. "You are not to blame, do not ever think that. It is your father who should carry the guilt for what happened."

For a moment, Arthur thought his heart stopped. "What do you mean?" He managed to choke out, but his mother pursed her lips together stubbornly. A silent scuffle behind him sounded when Ygraine did not answer. He glanced over his shoulder and saw that Merlyn was glaring at Morgause furiously, hands trembling at her sides like she was ready to jump at the woman's throat any second now. Turning back to the image of his mother, he brought his hands up to her forearms, tilting his head to meet her blue eyes. " _Why_ should my father feel guilty?"

"It is better left in the past, darling," she sighed, thumbs still stroking his cheeks. But Arthur was not having it, he needed an answer, so he grabbed her hands and pulled them down.

"You cannot leave me with more questions. Please…" he pleaded, watching how Ygraine's eyes flickered between him, Morgause and Merlyn, teeth nibbling on her lower lip for a long moment before she sighed heavily and looked up again. Her bright blue eyes were filled with tears, shining with sadness and something akin to anger.

"Your father, he was desperate for an heir. Without a son, the Pendragon dynasty would come to an end. But I could not conceive," her voice shook strongly as she tried to explain everything, her tiny hands trembling between Arthur's. The man felt a bit sick already, but it was nothing compared to what he felt when she continued, "your father betrayed me. He went to the sorceress Nimueh and asked for her help in conceiving a child... You were born of magic."

"That…" his voice broke before he could even say more than one word, but his head was shaking from side to side. No, it could not be. His father, king Uther who hated all magic, he would never go to it for help!

"I'm sorry, Arthur. Your father has deceived you as he deceived me. To create a life, a life must be taken. Your father knew that." Arthur's eyes fell to the stone floor to stare at the sharp shadows the candles created. He listened to the woman's words, but his mind was spinning again and not in a good way. Why would she say those things? It cannot be true! "He sacrificed my life so the Pendragon dynasty could continue. It makes you no less my son, nor me any less proud of you. Now I see you, I would have given my life willingly. Do not let this knowledge change you."

"No. It… it cannot be… "Arthur was not sure he was trying to say. It was a lie? Completely and utterly impossible? Why would his father sacrifice his wife like that, the woman he always said he loved more than his own life, more than his kingdom. Why would he start hunting down magic-users if it was his fault? His father might be a proud, stubborn man, but he was not stupid, not even close. But… maybe he did not believe it was his fault? If he did know, maybe he tried to use someone else's life as the price? Or was his rampage against magic just regret, something he believed to be a right thing to do when the son he got was not what he wanted?!

But when he looked back up, there was only a dark corridor in front of him. "No!" The prince shouted, stepping forward towards the shadows, tears again springing to his eyes as he tried to see Ygraine again, hands grabbing air. He spun around to face Morgause, who was still standing next to the altar. The candles were no longer all lit. "Bring her back!"

"I cannot," the sorceress sighed regretfully, clasping her hands together in front of her. "Once the doorway is closed, it is closed forever. I am truly sorry that your learnt of your mother's fate in this way. I can only imagine how it must feel to discover your father is responsible for her death. It is an unforgivable betrayal." She sounded sincerely sorry about it, but for a second Arthur swore he heard a hint of glee, some sort of satisfaction as the woman watched the prince's sorrow morph slowly to anger fueled with deep hurt and betrayal - his father had lied. Uther was responsible for his wife's death, he had practically killed her just to get an heir.  

He felt anger stronger than ever before. The world blurred for a long while, he did not even notice Morgause silently back away to the dark corridor behind the altar or how trembling hands were grabbed and squeezed by Merlyn who was trying to catch his eye. Only her voice brought Arthur back to the real world, but the only thing in his mind was his betraying father. "Are you alright? Arthur?" Ever so slowly the dark, worried eyes came to focus, followed by the most beautiful scared, panicked face he had ever seen. Merlyn's eyes were roaming over his face and shaky body as he barely could contain his thunderous emotions battling inside, he was not even sure if he was angry or sad or just really, _really_ hurt, but he just knew he had to go. Go back to Camelot, to his father and confront him about the death of the queen and Arthur's birth.

"We're returning to Camelot," he eventually managed to choke out and practically ripped his hands from hers, pushing away the thought of probably being too harsh with her, but he really did not care right now about anything else. How could Uther do this?! How could he blame magic for something _he_ did?! The only plausible explanation Arthur could come up with as he tried to focus on going to the right direction to their horses was that Uther, in his grief and overwhelming regret, had decided to blame magic for doing something it was supposed to do, but he had not actually believed the price would be his wife - his _wife, for crying out loud!_ How could someone even consider the option of someone they loved dying just to have an heir?! Arthur could not believe it. He had always known that the king only cared about his kingdom, but he had never really thought it went that deep. Arthur would never, ever sacrifice anyone to have an heir, not a loved one, not someone willing to do it, not even someone he did not know! He would rather get an regent, someone he trusted with his life and kingdom to succeed him after his death.

"…you think you're going to do, Arthur?!" Merlyn's panicked voice pierced through his haze when they were going through the square where the chopping block was. Arthur had not even focused on the way, or how Merlyn had to almost run after him. He was stopped by a small, but strong hand that grabbed his wrist and spun him around - the first thing he noticed was how the warrior was clutching her side, running must have been a bit painful for the recently stitched woman. Her face was a bit flushed, she must have been yelling quite a lot before Arthur had even heard her. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to kill him," the prince blurted out without even thinking, but shockingly he was not even surprised by the words. Uther deserved it for what he had done - not only had he sacrificed his mother, he had killed _thousands_ of people in his grief and idiocy, probably not even bothering to investigate if they had actually done anything wrong. "He deserves to die."

"No, Arthur, _please_ ," the warrior hurried to almost speak over him, other hand coming to hold his wrist so he could not pull away again. "You can't believe everything that woman said! She could've conjured an image to say what she wanted it to say, it's possible that is not your mother at all! Please don't do something you'll regret, you don't-"

"What would you know, Merlyn?!" Arthur yelled over her, pulling his hand from hers with a lot more force than was probably even needed. "What would you even know about magic or that woman, huh? Do you know her?!" Merlyn's frame went rigid so abruptly that Arthur saw it immediately.

"Arthur, you need to calm down, you sh-"

 _"Don't tell me to calm down!"_ The warrior jerked back when Arthur took a step at her, hands curling to tight fists. He was getting very frustrated when she avoided yet another straight question without even blinking - now that he thought about it, she did that a lot. She did it every time when he tried to ask more about her kidnapper, when she had not yet told about her past, and these days when he tried to ask more about the magic that had built the wall in her head. She clamped up every time, and it was obvious! "Do. You. Know. Her?"

But she was just shaking her head, avoiding his eyes all together, "just please, speak to _Gaius_ even. He was in Camelot when you were born. You don't want to lose another parent."

In his anger, he was not really thinking clearly, which explained why he suddenly found himself jolting forward and grabbing Merlyn's shoulders so tightly she actually flinched and tried to trash in his hold. An image of her being strangled by him flashed briefly before his eyes, but it disappeared as soon as it came. _"Answer me!"_ Bellowed the prince, shaking her and tried to ignored the way Merlyn's eyes widened with something that he had never seen before when she had looked at him - _fear._ But it was replaced with sudden anger and before he could see it coming, her foot had come up and soon he was stumbling backwards after a strong kick at his abdomen. It looked like it had hurt Merlyn almost as much as it hurt him, based on the way the warrior was gasping and holding her sides again, bending forward a bit.

"Fine! She-" she had to take a deep breath as another wave of pain visibly hit her, making her whimper a bit, "she is the _bloody_ Priestess that kidnapped me! And I-I'm _sorry_ , I'm so, so _sorry_ I did not say, but I-I hoped she would not do anything with me here, but you _cannot_ believe anything she says! S… she twists the truth the way she likes, there is no guarantee that it's true!"

"Are you saying that I don't know when someone lies to me?" He growled and narrowed his eyes to the warrior. Sure, he had not noticed before how well Merlyn kept her secrets - though she did not seem to outright _lie_ \- but he could not believe that someone would lie about this. What would Morgause gain from it?

"I'm saying that I know her," sighed Merlyn, clearly forcing her voice to stay calm so she would not aggravate Arthur anymore. "And I know she hates Camelot. Do you remember what I told you?" Of course he remembered - the Priestess had made Merlyn torture the knights of Camelot and then had orchestrated an attack at the kingdom with king Cenred. Merlyn had later told how much the Priestess had actually loathed Camelot - it was not just because they banned magic and hunted every magic-user there was, it was a personal vendetta too; apparently a sister to the Priestess had been killed in the Purge, so she wanted to get her revenge.

"How would you even know if it was a lie?" Merlyn frowned at his question, still almost doubled on herself but was still able to peer up to him. "Do you know something I don't?"

"No," came an answer that was almost just a heavy breath as she tried to straighten up again, "I'm just saying you should ask someone you actually trust and not believe what an unknown woman says."

"But I am not unknown to you, am I, darling?" A purr came from behind Merlyn. The warrior spun around the same time Arthur's head snapped to the direction where the sound had come. Morgause stood next to the chopping block again, but to Arthur she looked wrong. Before, she had looked almost friendly and sincerely sorry that Arthur had to find out about the circumstances of his birth like that, but now… there was no friendliness anywhere in her face or eyes that were securely trained on Merlyn who had her back turned to the prince. She was still swaying a bit from the pain she must be feeling, but she had her back straightened and hand on top of her sword's hilt.

Again, the same thing happened as before - it was like a silent conversation going between the two. The facial expression on Morgause changed from blank to anger and then something akin to sick mirth, while Merlyn's body went from rigid to positively shaking from the tenseness. "You would know something about grief like Arthur is feeling, Merlyn. You did lose your mother too," the Priestess hummed then, her voice sounding a lot more loud in the silence than it normally would have been. The prince inhaled sharply - he knew all too well that speaking about her parents was painful to the warrior. But he was not expecting Morgause to look actually surprised when Merlyn did not say anything, apparently the warrior's face showed her something Arthur did not see. "You did not _know?"_

"Know what?" A tight, snappish question came from Merlyn as her fingers curled around the hilt of the sword. The tension between the two was something Arthur had never seen before - the air felt like it was crackling with energy as the two stared each other down and the prince had to admit that he felt a bit afraid to be there with the two strong, deadly women. But he could not leave, not when Merlyn was injured and Morgause had her magic - he would not leave Merlyn to die.

Arthur felt himself shiver suddenly, when a cold smirk spread on Morgause's lips as she shrugged almost nonchalantly, eyes sparkling faintly gold. "Did you think I would leave her alive after taking you?" She almost whispered, but the words resonated with power Arthur had never felt before, power that a Priestess of the Old Religion would hold. Even when Arthur rarely admitted that he was afraid, now he would have happily shouted it out loud to everyone if it meant he'd get out of there alive. But Merlyn, not her - she did not move, not even flinch at the sight of Morgause's eyes changing color. "I still remember how it felt when her blood _poured_ between my fingers when I slit her throat after you ran off."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it seems like I skipped a lot of the original episode, but I didn't see the need to write everything that we all know happened (the fight, Uther's ordering etc.), and I apologize about the cliffhanger, but the chapter was way too long already, so the rest will be in the next one! Thank you for reading and remember to comment!
> 
> lyt heoruswealwe = little falcon


	20. The truth (or most of it)

_"You did not_ know?"

_"Know what?" A tight, snappish question came from Merlyn as her fingers curled around the hilt of the sword. The tension between the two was something Arthur had never seen before - the air felt like it was crackling with energy as the two stared each other down and the prince had to admit that he felt a bit afraid to be there with the two strong, deadly women. But he could not leave, not when Merlyn was injured and Morgause had her magic - he would not leave Merlyn to die._

_Arthur felt himself shiver suddenly, when a cold smirk spread on Morgause's lips as she shrugged almost nonchalantly, eyes sparkling faintly gold. "Did you think I would leave her alive after taking you?" She almost whispered, but the words resonated with power Arthur had never felt before, power that a Priestess of the Old Religion would hold. Even when Arthur rarely admitted that he was afraid, now he would have happily shouted it out loud to everyone if it meant he'd get out of there alive. But Merlyn, not her - she did not move, not even flinch at the sight of Morgause's eyes changing color. "I still remember how it felt when her blood poured between my fingers when I slit her throat after you ran off."_

 

If Arthur had felt the air crackle before, now it was practically thundering. He could literally feel the energy around them, making the hairs on his body stand up and shivers go along his spine again and again. But the only thing he could do, was to stare at Merlyn's back - she was no longer swaying from weakness, not even trembling from suppressed anger. It was like time had stopped on her, the only sign of life was the steady fall and rise of her shoulders as she took several deep breaths, like as an effort to keep calm - which was astonishing from her, as Merlyn was not really known for keeping herself from jumping at someone's throat when they said something like that.

"Arthur, you need to _leave_." The warrior did not sound like she was doing a great job with keeping herself under control - the tight, a bit shaky words sounded like they were coming from her throat rather than her mouth, a thick undertone of something like that sounded like growling one would normally hear coming from a beast coloring it in a way that Arthur felt his dread grow tenfold.

"I'm not leaving y-"

The warrior spun partly around to look him straight in the eye, and that's when he saw it completely - the utter fury and hurt in her face, eyes, in the way her teeth were almost bared from under her full lips, as she actually roared, _"LEAVE!"_ and pulled a dagger from her belt so quickly his eyes could not completely follow the movement, just to throw it at Morgause with such a deadly accuracy that it would've hit if the woman did not have magic - she stopped it midair, just an inch away from her face. And as quickly as Merlyn had moved, she waived her hand to throw the dagger to the side and with the same move, formed a ball of deep red fire around her hand, sending it flying at Merlyn and Arthur. They both managed to roll to the side, Merlyn to the left so she still stayed out in the open and Arthur to the right behind several blocks of stone that had fallen from the fortress.

"Arthur, please leave," he heard Merlyn plead a bit more calmly now, though she still sounded as murderous as before, "I _really_ don't want you to find out like this, but I cannot hold it in any longer." Her words confused the hiding prince completely, but the only thing he could do was to shout _'what?!'_ before another ball of fire flew at the warrior. She jerked to the side again, just barely able to dodge it and moved at the Priestess. All her pain seemed to be forgotten, her movements were as swift and agile as without injuries when she jumped, using her hand as a leverage to spring over a big stone. As she landed on the other side, her face was more directed in the prince's way and Morgause had her back to him. Her blue eyes turned to him, blazing with anger and sorrow, but she also looked _apologetic_. What was she talking about? He already knew about her time with the Priestess, so what else could there be?

Merlyn never got a change to say what she was about to say, when Morgause sent another, bigger ball of fire at her - and this time, Merlyn did not have the time to duck. A horrified cry left Arthur's lips when her eyes spun at the ball and widened in horror as the ball made contact and sent the warrior flying backwards at a huge pile of debris behind her with such force that if the fire did not end her, the impact would. _"Nonono.."_ he almost whimpered, straightening up in his hiding place, ready to ran to her, try to kill the Priestess, do _something_. No, it could not be - Merlyn could handle anything! She did not get killed like _that_ , when she was not even in full health! "Merlyn, _no_ -" his words cut off abruptly as the fortress literally shook under him from an invisible force, even making Morgause stumble. It was clear that the Priestess did not do it, so who or _what_ did? Frantically looking around, his eyes drifted slowly to the sky that just a minute ago had been bright and sunny, but now he could clearly see the heavy curtain of storm clouds gathering over them unnaturally fast and somewhere in the distance he heard the thunder boom ominously.

As the sun was no longer lighting the square, it was hard for Arthur to see what was happening. He could hear Morgause cast a long, complicated sounding spell several times, before she shrieked and threw her arms around in annoyance. _"How are you doing this?!"_ She screamed, but Arthur was not sure to who or what she was talking to. A bold of lightning flashed over the fortress, lighting it for just a few seconds but it was enough for Arthur to spot a dark figure appear in front of Morgause and grab her by the throat. Everything went dark again, but even then Arthur saw a pair of the most bright, scary golden eyes that belonged to the person who made even the powerful Priestess scared - and with the little he knew about magic and magical community, he knew that Priestess' were the highest of all of them, in one did not count the gods they looked up to.

Another bolt flashed, letting Arthur see how Morgause was lifted up by the throat and thrown to the side where the chopping block was with force that should've been impossible from a human. He did not see it, but it was clear that she hit something - hard. But the way the woman whimpered and pleaded for mercy told him that she was not dead or even unconscious. _"You plead for mercy and you never showed that to others,"_ a voice accused the Priestess and Arthur swore by his mother's grave that the person speaking had to be some kind of a _goddess_ \- the voice was silent and almost like a growl, but it still reached every corner of the square and had a strange hint of familiar femininity and strength in it. It was weird though - as the voice boomed over him, the crackling of the air changed to a steady flow of… what, power? It had to be that. Arthur knew nothing of magic, but this certainly felt like that. It strangely did not feel dangerous thought, it felt almost _good_. _"What about my mother?"_

Before Arthur really processed the question, a flash lit up the world again, this time for a bit longer - and then he saw the figure better. Her long, raven black hair was open, flying around with the wind forming slowly around the two women, her black leather clothes were almost shining in the light the bolt gave. She flicked her wrist and without even a spell, a ball of white and blue energy with bright golden tendrils swirling on the surface appeared over her hand and floated just over her head as she stalked forward, lighting up her face when the lightning disappeared. The light was bright, but with the sharp features she had, it cast dark shadows under her chin and cheekbones, and created an illusion of darkness in the place of her eyes - the only thing visible in the shadows, were two orbs swirling with molten gold that seemed to drill into the deepest part of your soul. And he bet that was what the Priestess was feeling, as her whimpers just continued. In the light, Arthur saw how the woman tried to scramble backwards on the ground, but was caught when the earth itself seemed to open up to spurt out deep green vines to wrap around her so tight that even from afar Arthur heard how her breath hitched. _"What about my mother, Morgause?"_

 _"No…"_ the prince whispered without realizing it, but the sound was loud enough for him to be at the receiving end of the golden eyes, as they unexpectedly turned to his way. Her expression never truly changed, but he swore there was a hint of sadness there. The gaze was truly unnerving, as it really did feel like she was trying to drill into his mind and soul, but it never happened. She just turned back to the Priestess in front of her, who was again chanting the spell from before.

 _"If you ever come to Camelot again, you will receive the same faith as Nimueh did,"_ Merlyn promised coldly. The gold did not even completely fade from her eyes when Morgause's spell worked and a whirlwind of black smoke surrounded her, whisking her away from the _sorceress_ who seemed to slump in sudden weakness. The same time the ball of light disappeared and the clouds began to move away, Arthur saw her legs almost give out, making her stumble and almost fall. Instinctively, Arthur ran out of his hiding to go to her, but stopped abruptly just a few feet away when Merlyn raised her hand at him, though she never looked up. "Leave." Her voice was so much weaker than before when she had sounded like she could very well make the fortress they were in crumble to dust with the snap of her fingers - and that actually sounded possible after seeing how badly she made even Morgause scared. "And please… speak to Gaius before you see your father… about everything."

 _"What?_ No, I'm not leaving before you tell me what the _hell_ that was?!" The prince yelled, sounding more like a stubborn prince than a man who had just seen his worst nightmares come true. No, she could not have magic! She was not… _was_ she evil? Merlyn had told that she had actually used magic to make herself _not_ evil, so… was his father actually right? "How the hell could you do this to _me_ , huh?! Am I just a pawn in some elaborate scheme you have going on to get back at the kingdom, to take _revenge?!"_ While he was close to screaming at the woman, he waived his arms around helplessly, trying to understand why she would infiltrate in the castle like this, when practically her just taking a breath was considered illegal. But the whole time, Merlyn just blankly stared at the ground. There was no remorse, no fear… just heartbreaking look of sadness that almost made Arthur's anger fade away. Almost. _"Answer me!"_

Before he even did it, he knew it was a mistake. Arthur took a menacing step closer and was about to grab her shoulders to shake some life in to the warrior, when her eyes snapped up, blazing in the wrong color again - and then he was flying backwards the same time the building around them shook again stronger this time, his back smashing against one of the more sturdy walls of the fortress while his feet did not even touch the ground. _"Leave before I make you."_ Merlyn might have stood several dozen feet away where he too had been just a few seconds ago, but her hushed, dangerous voice was still clear as day - and so was the warning. The force keeping Arthur pinned against the stones disappeared and as soon as his feet touched the ground, he actually ran for his _life_ , away from the slowly collapsing fortress. He did not want to think it, but if Merlyn had seemed a bit scary before when she really wanted to, now… he just knew it would be the center of his nightmares for a long time.

As soon as Arthur reached his horse, he hastily untied Hengroen from the branch. He did not even notice that Merlyn's horse was not there anymore, he just mounted his own and kicked it into a strong gallop, just to get away as soon as possible. Behind him, the fortress was still shaking but even worse than before. The prince could not keep the curses from escaping his lips; they were both because he was in shock of everything that had happened - the revelation of his birth, of Merlyn and the absurdity of him leaving the grieving warrior alone, even after seeing all that. Who knew what she could do? She had already admitted to almost forcing the wall of her mind down when Arthur had been bitten, so what would guarantee that she would not do it now, just to hunt down Morgause for killing her mother.

When the fleeing prince reached the safety of the trees, an ear-shattering crash sounded behind him. He did not stop, but glanced over his shoulder just in time to see the fortress crumble to the ground under what seemed like a huge wave of power coming from the sky, the same time as a deafening, guttural scream pierced the air, echoea bouncing from the trees and past them, and a huge whirlwind of dark smoke spun in the middle of it all, rising up to the gathering storm clouds above all of it before fading away from his line of sight.

 

***

 

Merlyn was a sorceress? A bloody _sorceress_ , one of those who she had sworn to eradicate?! Arthur did not know how to wrap his head around the revelation. And she was clearly not just some random magic-user who just knew some tricks and rarely used her magic, she was powerful, so powerful that even a Priestess was afraid of her! It made literally no sense at all - why would she come to Camelot? Was it all just a trick to get close to the royals, to get revenge on them for hunting down her kind? What was she waiting for, she had had hundreds of opportunities to do just that - though, she might not even need one, as it seemed that her powers could be so great that she could do just about anything she wanted to. But at least a few things made more sense now; first thing was the way she spoke on the behalf of magic every time she and the prince talked about it and how she did not agree with Arthur's views. Of course she would not agree, for goodness' sake, she was one! And then, the way Merlyn was able to find a magical solution to some things - the sword to kill the wraith, getting rid of the sorceress who had sent the Questing Beast just to name a few. But… why would she do that? Why would she try so adamantly to save him? It felt like all she had to do to get rid of the Pendragon family was to step aside and let them be. Why would she befriend them, or act friendly with the king? Thinking she might have been out to get them would have been plausible at the beginning when she was acting like she could not care less, but now? It could not be just an act.

So, against all his instincts and original thought, he did what a sorceress asked - went to see Gaius first. Just to get at least some answers to all the questions regarding his birth, Merlyn, magic… everything. Nothing made any sense to him, he was so engulfed with his thoughts that he reached Camelot and was already dismounting his horse when his mind caught up with what was happening. Arthur had camped for the night but had barely slept, afraid that his dreams would come and haunt him.

"Sire," a call came from his left so suddenly that the prince actually jumped a bit. Sir Leon stood beside him, face serious and clearly speaking for Lancelot and Gwaine too who were hovering behind him almost twitching in their boots. "Where is Merlyn?" The name of the betraying witch made Arthur grimace and it did not go unseen, but surprisingly it was Lancelot who almost growled as he took a step closer. Of course he would know about Morgause, nothing was surprising anymore.

"I need to go see Gaius," the prince grimly informed the three men, flashing a quick look to the man who knew Merlyn probably the best from all of them. Lancelot stopped in his tracks, eyes widening a bit as he obviously tried to read the emotion running around in Arthur's eyes. "Could you tell my father that I'll meet him later, that… I need to be checked first." He had no injuries other than a sore back from being flung to the wall by the warrior he had though he knew - and the men saw it. Gwaine opened his mouth with a dubious expression on his face, but beside him Lancelot stabbed his elbow against his ribs to shut him up, nodding on the behalf of them all and gave Arthur an opportunity to walk away. Leon called for him when he almost jogged to the castle, but he never turned around.

On the way, the prince tried to figure out how to open up the conversation. He could try to start with his birth, try to find out if the physician actually knew anything and then move on to Merlyn. The way the witch had said he should ask about everything clearly indicated that the old man knew more than enough - but if he started too slowly, Gaius had time to come up with a lie, as he seemed to be quite good at it if the way he came up with an idiotic lie about the wraith's death to the king.

Usually when Arthur went to see Gaius, he had the courtesy to knock before entering, but this time he just barged in straight away. At his dining table, the physician actually jumped as the prince's entrance was not the quietest one and froze in place when his sharp eyes landed on the younger man. No doubt the panic and sleepless night were clearly visible on Arthur's face, and the fact that he had no blood coming out of anywhere and he could walk told Gaius that this was no ordinary visit. "My Lord," he rasped as he lowered the spoon from his hand, standing up slowly to give the monarch a tight bow, "how may I help you? Are you injured?"

He got just a slow shake of Arthur's head as an answer as the prince turned his back to him and closed the door, staying there with his face hidden for a few seconds to gather his thoughts. "I went to meet Morgause," eventually he managed to say as he turned around to face the old man. Gaius' expression never changed, but his shoulders tensed after hearing the woman's name. "She told me about my mother."

"And what did she say?" Gaius inquired unsurely, blue eyes following Arthur behind his glasses when the prince walked closer to the table. The prince had to close his eyes for a moment as he flopped heavily down on the long, cracking bench in a very un-princely way and sighed tiredly.

"What did she say?" Arthur laughed humorlessly. He leaned his elbows against the table and buried his face in his palms, rubbing his burning eyes as the tears threatened to spring back. "She _showed_ her to me. My mother… she said that f-father is responsible for her… for my birth, that he made a deal with _Nimueh_ even though he knew she'd d… that she'd pay the price. That I was born from _magic_." Neither of them spoke for a long while, but Arthur did not mind. The silence was either Gaius processing the information, coming up with a lie or just plain shock. The prince just wanted answers, the truth about everything. He knew that even with all her faults and _lies_ , Merlyn was right about this - it would do him no good to go straight to the king with the little Arthur knew by this point. He was really not known for keeping himself from doing something stupid while angry, as had been seen when he almost grabbed the warrior after her revelation. As sad as it was and as much feelings as he had for her, Arthur knew he might have hurt her…

Gaius moved again, now clearing his dinner from the table with slow movements that could've been both his age and to linger in the deafening silence for a bit longer. Scuffling to the fireplace, he carefully fetched the kettle filled with recently heated water, bringing it and two cups to the table. Arthur peeked between his hands to see his face, but it gave nothing. The physician just calmly poured the water to both cups before mixing some herbs in them before he even looked at the prince and sat down. The look in his eyes was familiar, Arthur had seen it several times in Merlyn's bright blue eyes when she had tried to figure out what was going on in the prince's mind and how she should answer his questions. The memory of her beautiful eyes was tarnished now, only the vision of the bright, dominating gold swirling in the blue's place like molten metal ready to be forged into a weapon. It would never leave his mind, but he just was not sure if the sight had been ugly or not - he did not know anything right now, as the image of his magnificent kingdom too seemed to be ruined.

"Drink," the physician ordered, nodding at the cup in front of the prince. "It will help you relax, and you need to be calm to hear all this." Without hesitation, Arthur lowered his hands from his face to grab the cup with both of them. If drinking the tea would get him answers and help with the panic crawling under his skin like millions and millions bugs, he had no reason to protest. The tea tasted like lavender and honey, and it really did help him finally breath deeper and more calmly than before, letting the sweet scent of it fill his nose and mind. Never did he forget the reason he was there in the clustered, funny-smelling chambers with one of the wisest and oldest people in the kingdom, but at least the questions and fear did not dominate his mind completely.

When his cup was half-empty, Gaius cleared his throat and got Arthur's full attention. Even though the old man looked very unsure of speaking about it, he seemed to have made up his mind finally. There was not deception in his eyes sharp, sincere eyes, just pure resolve and determination. "I made a vow to never speak of the day you were born, to your father, but I know it would create much more distress if I were to keep it now," he started in slow words, all the while looking straight at Arthur's eyes. "You were born from magic, that is true, but your father was not the only one to blame."

"What do you mean the only one?" The frustration and sorrow he had felt earlier about his mother's death was rising up again, morphing into anger as he tried to read the emotions and thoughts going around the physician's eyes. "I came here ready to kill my father, so I _need_ to know!" He yelled, slamming his flat hand against the table so hard that their cups rattled on the table. But Gaius did not even flinch, as he had been expecting some sort of anger from the prince. He had known Arthur since birth, so of course the old man was excellent in reading his moods by this point.

Gaius' tone was almost soothing, even when he tried to keep it as professional as possible, steadying his cup the same time. "It is true that he went to the Priestess Nimueh, who was a part of his court at that time, for help and he knew there would be a price. But he did not know the price would be your mother." He did avoid Arthur's eyes a bit, but the prince saw no deception in his behavior. "In fact, he offered his _own_ life, a life of a murderer waiting for execution at the moment and even I was willing to give mine, though your father forbid me to sacrifice myself."

"Then… why did my mother have to be the one?"

"Nimueh said that the gods take a life they think will be enough to pay the price, but I knew she was lying," Gaius said regretfully, a small hint of unexpected anger flashing across his face, eyes lowering to his cup where the rest of his tea was cooling down already, " _she_ was the one who had the Power of Life and Death, _she_ was the one who made the decision." The anger Arthur had felt for Merlyn dissipated slightly as he began to feel almost thankful for her last words, even though he still was not even close to forgiving her - she still lied, if not straightly then by just letting the little, magical fact slip from her story of her past. "He was right to blame _Nimueh_. One's actions do not represent all. I would know…" Gaius' sentence trailed away but the prince understood perfectly what he meant by it.

"Because you had magic too, right?" The piercing blue eyes flung up to his, wide with shock but the only thing Arthur could do was to snort silently. "I remember hearing about it when I was eavesdropping on father and his councilmen years ago. They said you stopped when the Purge began, and have not used it since."

A small hint of hesitation flashed on Gaius' face but he turned to look at his hands again so Arthur was not sure if he had seen correctly. "Yes, and because I know many who would never use their gifts for evil," he calmly explained, but Arthur heard the tiny note of sadness in his voice. Had he lost someone in the Purge too? "People who committed most of their lives for healing, for protecting, for building, among other magnificent things."

And there it was, Arthur's opening. His heart was pounding painfully when the image of Merlyn and her terrifying golden eyes, wielding powers he had never seen slithered in his mind again, and this time he could not push it away. "People like _Merlyn?"_ There was the shock again, Gaius was not even attempting to cover it. His wrinkled hands holding the cup were starting to slowly tremble and even when the prince reached out to hold them, the shaking did not stop. "Yes, I know… I _saw_ her. She was the one to convince me to come to you and not my father first."

"…where is she?" Arthur saw the unshed tears of grief already in the physician's eyes, as his mind must have gone to the worst possible reason the warrior was not there with him, or waiting for execution that same moment. To be honest, Arthur was not sure where she was right now - he knew for a fact that Merlyn would not be coming to Camelot, at least not any time soon, if she was even alive. The way the old fortress had crumbled under the huge wave of power like a child destroying a castle made of dirt had not looked like anyone could survive from it - even Merlyn.

"I did not kill her, if that's what you think," the prince sighed and pulled his hands away when he felt how the trembling slowed down a bit and saw the tension partly leave Gaius' shoulders. He still looked scared, for himself or maybe because of Merlyn. Arthur knew they were related somehow, and that they were close event though they did not speak much. "Though I'm not sure if that was the right decision…"

But the way Gaius began to shake his head, made Arthur's words trail away, not that he had actually been doubting his decision to leave - he had not even thought of killing her. How could he?! Yes, the warrior was one of those people the prince had been taught to hunt down without mercy, but… _how could he?_ Desperately, Arthur latched on to the thought of his feelings being just some spell, that they were not real and his hesitating thought about magic right now were only because of it. "Merlyn is the furthest from evil, that is the only thing you need to understand, sire," the physician's voice rang through his thoughts, "she has a questionable past, yes, but here she found her purpose. Protecting the kingdom, your sister and you, Arthur. She found it with _you_. She has never done anything to harm you or your family, or anyone in this kingdom. The only thing she had done is to keep you all safe, even from other magic-users." With him? What did that even mean, _with him?_ It sounded like what Gwen had said before his duel with Morgause, about how Merlyn actually felt something for him and that he had been blind about it.

"But couldn't she stop like you?" The prince sighed, desperate for a solution to his despair. If the warrior actually stopped meddling with the evil arts, then… then he might eventually be fine with everything, every lie and betrayal. But the way Gaius looked at him, like an idiot to be honest, made Arthur's heart clench again.

"The difference between me and Merlyn, is that I learned to use magic. I _chose_ it. She didn't," he clarified, but apparently saw the confusion on the younger man's face, so he smiled softly as his eyes latched on to Arthur's again. "There is a difference between sorcerers and witches or wizards. A sorcerer or a sorceress is someone who chooses to learn magic, who taps in to the nature's own magic and uses it as they don't have their own. But a witch or a wizard is born with their own source of magic that manifests at a certain age. Usually when they grow closer to becoming an adult, but in some rare cases, they start showing signs when they are children. And if they try to suppress it… the power unleashes itself without permission."

"What does that mean? Is she a sorcerer or a … witch? From what I saw… she's _powerful_. So powerful that even _Morgause_ feared her. And what has she done here then?" Arthur was getting so tired of not understanding magic. The worst thing by this point had been the fact that he had not noticed that the woman he loved had magic, but now he was starting to realize that his father had not taught him about the forces enough, only ranting on and on about how they were evil and how they corrupted… but how could someone be _born_ evil? How could a child be corrupted just because they had something others did not? The phrase Merlyn had once used _'If magic can be used to save, why is it labeled evil?'_ made a lot more sense now.

"That is for her to tell, but yes, she is a witch. Merlyn can explain better, if you ever see her again…" Gaius hesitated once again, but eventually smiled slightly, almost wickedly and made Arthur feel a bit uneasy under his gaze, "but there is someone who might have answers."

 

***

 

Before Arthur went to meet the person Gaius told him about, he had to visit his father. It was tough for him to finally gather his thoughts, to understand that his birth… there were a lot of people who were guilty, but none of them could be completely at fault. Nimueh, she was the one to actually use his mother as a price, and his father… well, he had chosen to go to the Priestess for help, and it had backfired. The thought of killing his own father… _'You don't want to lose another parent.'_ Again, Merlyn was right, and she would know. The warrior had lived most of her life without anyone even resembling a parent to her, even if her father was still alive somewhere. He did not want to lose another parent, not even someone as cruel as Uther Pendragon. His father's anger against magic was understandable, but not _justified_ , not even close. It would take Arthur a long time to get used to the idea that maybe Uther had been actually wrong - he was not so sure just yet, he did not know what he'd do if Merlyn ever came back - but he wanted to learn.

Uther was in his own chambers when Arthur went to see him, sitting by his desk reading some new reports from the patrols. He did not look up when the prince carefully walked in after knocking, only moved on to another parchment, face blank from emotions like always when he waited for Arthur to speak for his own defense. The prince knew he had gone against direct orders from the king, and he would have to explain himself very clearly and carefully - even to his son, Uther's punishments were severe.

"Father," started the prince. Uther never looked up, but he saw how his eyes stopped roaming over the text. "I apologize, father, for going against your orders. My emotions were taken advantage by the woman, as she led me to believe that she might know something about my mother." Now the king's head snapped up, though his expression was still closed off as he stared Arthur with his green eyes.

"And did she?" Arthur took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment, before shaking his head slowly.

"She wanted me to believe that you were responsible for her death," the prince told, forcing his voice to sound the same as if he was giving the king reports from a patrol, "and I know she wanted me to act on it. But after talking to Gaius, I know it is not true."

"…Gaius?" Uther's voice was tight, almost angry when Arthur mentioned the physician, "and what did he tell you?"

"The truth," the son sighed, now letting his shoulders droop. He could not tell his father everything, or it might get Gaius in trouble - and the old man really did not deserve it. "That the sorceress Nimueh was responsible." It was safer not to talk about the other facts. The king looked like he saw that Arthur knew more than what he said, but the same time he seemed pleased that Arthur was not speaking about it - perhaps he thought that his teachings of the evils of magic and sorcerers had gone through completely. Little did he know that the situation was quite opposite, as Arthur was only now starting to doubt them.

"It is good that you know this now," the king hummed with a small nod and looked down at the reports again. Of course he would not even offer his condolences. "And where is Merlyn? Leon mentioned that you came back alone. Did something happen to her?" The hidden worry in Uther's voice was strange to hear, as if he was more worried of her than his own son. The same sort of fret was always heard when Morgana was ill or in some kind of danger, but with Arthur the king never sounded like that - at least not when the prince himself was there to hear it. It was almost ironic how the king was so fond of the warrior, when Arthur now knew that he would sent the young woman to the pyre in a blink of an eye if he knew about her true nature.

But the decision of what to say to his father was surprisingly easy, the words came out of his mouth before he even realized it, "she had to go to her old home village. It was something to do with her mother." It was the closest to the truth as Arthur could possibly go and the answer seemed to satisfy the king too, as he just hummed silently again and dismissed his son with a wave of his hand. As a courtesy, Arthur tilted his head a bit to the king, and backed out of the room, taking the direction of the mystery person Gaius had talked about and not his own chambers. He did not have the heart to go there as the route would go past Merlyn's chambers - and he really did not want to see the closed door just yet, or see her maid there, looking for the warrior. Margaret really liked her mistress, and cared about her like an older sister most of the time.

"Hello?" Arthur shouted to the darkness dominating the cave he had arrived when reaching the bottom of the long staircase found in a hidden passageway in the dungeons. He had not even known about it until now. Gaius had given him directions to someone who could help him, but they had taken the prince under the castle. Who the bloody hell lived there? Or was this too some sort of magical thing that he could never understand completely - a creature of some kind, a fairy perhaps? Arthur almost snorted to his own thoughts, repeating his call again, louder this time.

"No need to yell, young king," a rumbling, authoritative voice boomed somewhere over his head as a strange flapping sound reached his ears, sending quivers through Arthur's body as the voice echoed against the cavern walls and back. The torch in his hand fluttered weakly when a strong gusts of wind flushed over him again and again, forcing him to shield his eyes from the dirt flying in his eyes from the force of it. "I have been expecting you."

Whatever Arthur had been expecting to see, a humongous dragon leisurely lounging in front of him on a separate ledge was _not_ that. How had he not known that there was a _goddamn dragon_ under the castle?!Its dirty golden scales shone in the meek light Arthur's torch gave and the prince's eyes were instantly glued to the claws grabbing the stone ledge, making it crack and crumble like sand, and then lifting slowly up to the massive head slowly lowering to his level - more accurately to the jaws containing two long rows of sharp teeth that were probably longer than Arthur's forearm. The fire-breathing maw was only a few feet away from the frozen prince, lips curled up to reveal the teeth even better - it took Arthur a long time to realize that it was a dragon-styled smile. Even if it was meant as a reassuring gesture, the sight of its teeth was quite unnerving to say the least.

Slowly but steadily, he so-called brave prince was able to gather his wits again and square his shoulders, only to lose his nerve again when the head of the creature turned a bit to the left to reveal its other golden eye, steadily staring at the small human in front of it. "I… " He what? What was one supposed to say to a beast?! "I came to meet Kilgharrah."

"And here I am," the rumble came again - from the dragon? _It can talk?! ..he can?_ "Where have you left the young witch? I did not feel her coming back with you."

"F-feel her?" Arthur chocked out, gripping the torch a bit more firmly so it would not drop from his shaky hand. A brave knight he might be, but facing a creature so much more bigger than him, alone and without any other weapon but his sword was actually very scary. Not that he'd ever admit it, he knew that Mer- _no_. Not now.

The massive head tilted slightly, apparently as something resembling a nod, "yes, young king, feel her. She might be able to conceal her presence from other magic-users, but I am a an ancient creature of the Old Religion as is she, and we feel each other when we are close by. Now, tell me, why are you here?"

"I was told that you could tell me about her… magic," the prince answered with a heavy sigh, but never let his eyes trail away from the dragon's snout though it was already pulling a bit further away from the prince. The dragon - Kilgharrah - stared at Arthur for a long while, and the look felt once again like his mind was being read even when nothing happened. What was it with golden eyes that it felt so intruding? "I mean… I found out yesterday, when she confronted Morgause. She made me l-leave before I could even process anything."

The creature hummed now, the gush of air once again washing over him though it was much warmer now, and not as menacing as before when it had flown down. "All I can tell you, is that she has a great destiny ahead of her, and the threads of faith have been coming together, flowing and intertwining to each other ever since she laid eyes on this kingdom the very first time," Kilgharrah mused, his voice even lower now and Arthur felt the tremble of his voice deep in his chest, shaking him to the core. "Her destiny, as great as it is, cannot be fulfilled alone. She has been once told that her destiny needs her completely, her good and her bad, her light and her darkness, and that is what she must discover and be if she wants to truly protect those she loves."

"Are you being cryptic just for the sake of it, or are you going somewhere with this?" Arthur could not help himself from grumbling, but all he got from the creature was another smile-like thing before the massive wings suddenly spread from its sides and began to slowly lift it to the air. "Wait! You can't leave yet, you did not even answer!" It was no help, Kilgharrah only chuckled low at Arthur's desperate calls as it flew up to the darkness reigning above and left the small human curse loudly at the shadows, swinging his torch-wielding arm around.

 

***

 

The surprises did not end there of course. For the second time within a month there was a figure in Arthur's room waiting for him when he got back from the cave, though this time the prince had been sort of expecting it. Lancelot sat at the same chair at the end of the long dinner table, legs propped on top of it, reclining lazily backwards with his arms crossed across his chest. The dark brown eyes were not visible in the shadows as the only light coming to the room was the setting sun and the fire blazing in his bedchambers, but he did feel them on him - and it was almost as unnerving as Merlyn's golden gaze had been. Lancelot was like an older brother to the warrior, and that meant stern protectiveness over her, even with the prince.

"Wine?" Mumbled Arthur, trying to act at least somewhat civil with his uninvited guest. He knew perfectly well why he was there, and he was not looking forward to the former-assassin's questioning. Not waiting for an answer, he strolled straight to the jug on the side table and poured two goblets of wine for them - his own twice as he downed the first one immediately to calm his nerves. He was not scared per se, but he did remember that Lancelot had a set of skills that made him particularly deadly. As he walked by the table, he set the other bronze goblet in front of the still man, who never acknowledged the gesture, just sat there in silence, watching his movements.

"Did Merlyn ever tell you how I ended up with Gregor?" Came a question, said in a completely emotionless tone of voice as the prince sat down on the other end of the table facing him. Arthur shook his head a bit and watched as Lancelot took the goblet in his hands, but never drank from it, just spun it a bit between his hands over his lap. "When I was young, not more than eight or nine, the village where I lived with my mother, father and two sisters was attacked. I don't remember who it was that attacked, only that I managed to escape after seeing how a man grabbed my older sister and forced her to a cage being pulled by a horse. She never had a chance, and I still don't know if she even survived. I ran, even when I heard my parents and younger sister scream, I ran because I was not brave enough to try and help them."

He took a small sip of the wine, and if Arthur could see his face, he'd bet Lancelot was trying to hold his tears in. The former-assassin had not felt like a vulnerable man, but the prince was slowly starting to change that thought. "I swore to never be as helpless as I was that day," Lancelot continued then, sounding slightly stronger now as he pulled his legs from the table. "For years I traveled with bandits, mercenaries, a few swordsmen until I was fourteen when the inn I was staying at was attacked by three men and a woman dressed in dark clothes, wielding weapons in a way I had never seen. One of the men saw me defending myself, and asked if I wanted a job with them. I was never one of their targets, but three men of my group were. I had never known that they had been violating young girls on their travels. So I said yes."

"Just like that? No questions, nothing?" Arthur interrupted the man, confused - how could someone just accept a job without knowing what it was? Even in the dim light, the prince saw the bitter grin on Lancelot's face when he shrugged.

"I knew what they did, it was fairly obvious for even someone so young. But like I said, I never wanted to be helpless, and their skills were like something I had never seen," the advisor mused nonchalantly and leaned back again, eyes trained on the goblet. "But I did not expect that they targeted based on gold, not what the people had done. Most of them were legitimately bad people, rapists, murderers, thieves… but some were just poor innocents souls that had fallen in love to another, or moved away, for example. I still knew I needed gold and more skills to maybe someday have an honest life. Three years later, I had enough of both, but… then she came."

Arthur let out a quiet, but heavy breath and nodded in understanding, "Merlyn." Lancelot hummed in agreement and took a bigger gulp of the wine this time, chuckling silently.

"You should've seen her then. A twelve year old, tiny black-haired girl paler than anyone I've seen, wielding a sword with such skill that even then she was a force to be careful with. But her attitude… _that_ was frightening," the now almost remorseful man sighed. "Myror and I were the only one's other than Gregor who she spoke to for over a year, and I think she hated me at first as I would not shut up about my ideal life of honestly, loyalty, happiness… if I remember correctly, Merlyn threatened to kill me once for it, but it never stopped me. Anyway, I could not leave then, for her."

"I thought she was happy there, before the Gwaine thing?" Lancelot snorted at the prince's question, shaking his head again as he combed his unruly dark hair with his fingers.

"I think even she thought she was, but I was always good at reading people and Merlyn… I think she was scared. The first time I saw that was when I found out about her gifts," he explained, eyes lifting up to meet Arthur's, a pointed look in his eyes. It was not hard to understand what 'gifts' he was talking about. Arthur raised a brow at him, giving him permission to continue again. "Gregor sent us out together a lot, so one day our target was a group of men attacking villages near where we were staying. The customer wishing them dead was actually a king of that land, as his knights could not find them. One thing you must know, is that I tried to save those I knew were not guilty of anything, but these men… they reminded me too much of those who attacked my own village. So, when we got there, I… I admit, I was a bit out of it. Wallowing in self-loathing too much, so I never saw the seventh man with a throwing blade behind me. Not before Merlyn screamed."

Arthur could imagine Lancelot's feelings in some level. Just a few hours ago he had been ready to kill his own _father_ , thinking he was the reason Ygraine had died, so the prince was in no place to judge him. Though it was surprising to hear that even when being an assassin, Lancelot had tried to be an honorable man with his targets. There were not a lot of people Arthur thought of actually good men, but he was slowly starting to think this might be one of them - if one did not think too much about the fact that Lancelot had almost killed him. And Arthur tried hard not to, because he did not know what the man had even known about him. It was possible that Mordred had painted an image of Arthur that suited the druid's own thoughts, not what was real.

"When I heard her, I spun around and saw the blade coming at me. I was already sending my prayers to whoever was listening that Merlyn would survive after I died, when the blade stopped, only to turn and fly back at the thrower's heart. She saved me," laughed Lancelot now, sounding almost like he could not believe it after all this time, "she saved me when I thought she wanted me dead. Of course, Merlyn scared the living soul out of me those days, so I did not dare to speak about it, not even with her. That was one of the six times I ever saw her use her magic."

"Did she… d-did she use it when.." the prince was not sure how to form his question in the way he would not accidentally retch after it. It was still too disgusting for him to think of Merlyn actually torturing and killing people for fun, which was one of the reasons his decision of believing that magic was not evil was a bit difficult.

But Lancelot seemed to understand, as he sighed and ever so slowly nodded once. "I never saw it, but I believe she did. At least when she was alone, but that rarely happened. And before you ask, no, Mordred never knew," assured the man on the other end of the table, giving Arthur finally a reason to sigh in relief, though he was not so sure why. He did fear for the warrior, even when he was not positive he ever wanted to see her again - but that did not mean he wanted something bad happening to her, and Mordred knowing something like that could be a bad thing. "Four times Merlyn saved me, and then was the time she got her darkness locked away."

"But… she said that-"

"That someone else did it, I know. She told me, but how do you think Merlyn could've explained it to you before?" It made sense, of course it did. If Merlyn had told it before, Arthur might have been a bit more suspicious. That was actually the only direct lie the warrior had ever told him about the magic now that Arthur really thought about it. She had never tried to come up with an excuse why something happened, like with the sword - she just said how it was. "Then the final time was when she escaped, but even then… it was just after she.. just after Merlyn thought I was dead. I don't think she meant to do it, but the people trying to attack her from behind were thrown back and killed almost immediately."

"Do you have a reason to tell me all this?" Arthur asked, his head already bursting with all the information he had gotten in the last two days - his birth, the death of his mother, Merlyn having magic, Merlyn having some bloody great destiny, Merlyn being a saint by the way everyone spoke of her, Lancelot's past… he was not sure how he could even sleep with all this.

Lancelot flashed a small smile and leaned his elbows against the dinner table, tilting his head forward so the light hit his face better. The expression on his face was open and almost gentle. "The point of this is that we all have darkness in us, I know I have and I bet you do too at some level. And Merlyn… well, she has a lot more and a lot worse than most, but the goodness in her?" He chuckled again and got up from the chair after emptying his goblet. Arthur had already forgotten his wine, now he was just staring at the goblet between his hands that were resting on the table in front of him.

"She has _a lot_ of that too now, living here. Having all these people _care_ for her. Then there was only me, and it was not helping her, she was lost and confused. More than you or I could ever imagine, that was why she did all those things, because she thought there was nothing else for her, no happy ending, no love, no real home. Now-" a calloused hand was suddenly clapped on Arthur's shoulder, the man had somehow sneaked next to him without Arthur noticing, "-now I think she knows she could have that. She is not evil by heart, sire, not because of her past and the things she did, or her magic. So, I ask you again… does it _really_ matter, if she is a sorcerer?"

 

***

 

_Does is matter that Merlyn is a sorcerer?_

Well, a witch if what Gaius said was true, but still the question asked now twice by Lancelot was constantly in Arthur's mind, keeping him from doing anything productive. He could not concentrate on his duties properly, so he decided to just supervise the knights when they trained to keep his mind straight for the reports slowly piling up on his desk - though he never got to them. Most of the time he spent wallowing in his chambers, avoiding everyone. Morgana was the one who visited him the most, every time trying to ask what had happened and why was Merlyn not there. The princess seemed almost frantic about it, and also always got angry when Arthur refused to talk about it. She never said why she wanted to know so badly, but Arthur got the impression that the girl blamed the prince about her not being there, even though Morgana herself had avoided Merlyn when the warrior had been recovering.

The first week went by so fast the prince could not even keep track of everything that happened. He did remember all the main things - like the fact that two of his knights came to him to tell that they already knew. At first, Arthur had had a childish temper tantrum about it, thinking that Merlyn had trusted those two, Gwaine and Leon, more than she had trusted him, but then after hours of raging and ranting, they had managed to calm him down to tell that she had never _told_ them. Gwaine had found out after saving the warrior from that awful brute years ago; Merlyn had healed a cut under her chin, and Leon just after Arthur had survived the Questing Beast's bite; Merlyn had saved him from a bunch of bandits. They both told that Merlyn had no agenda against the kingdom and she really did care for him and all of Camelot, even when magic was illegal. But even with all the time he spent alone and all the things he knew, thinking and thinking the same things from hour to hour, day to day, he could not make up his mind.

First of all, based on what he knew and what the men had told him for days, Merlyn had been kidnapped for her magic. Morgause, the kidnapper, wanted a weapon out of her, and she had been tricked to swear some kind of an oath that kept the woman from spilling Merlyn's secret - it explained why the Priestess had not told the king right away. Arthur understood the 'wanting Merlyn as a weapon' - part, as he had seen the power the warrior had. Secondly, Merlyn had said that she had no personal vendetta against the kingdom and did not want to be a weapon, so she had escaped - only to fall in the hands of Gregor. But only Lancelot had known about her there. Thirdly, Merlyn had been evil. Like, truly evil, but if what Lancelot had said was true… she was not evil by heart, but just confused. Lost almost. And finally, despite the way Merlyn had thrown Arthur away, she had not tried to hurt the royals and take over the kingdom, even though she could probably do that. There had been hundreds of opportunities in the span of less than a year for her to do just that, but she had not.

But was Arthur ready to abandon a lifetime of believing all magic was evil, to push away his father's legacy, to actually believe that there might be a thing like _good magic?!_ There really was only one person who could tell Arthur the whole story of what had happened, because he doubted that Gaius, Kilgharrah or any one of his knights would say anything more. And he needed to know. Maybe Merlyn really had put a spell on him, that would make him feel things for her and then start to doubt everything? Perhaps she had never left Morgause, and all the things she had done was a plan? Or maybe she was working for Mordred really? Maybe she was an exception, one of a kind and all the others were evil?

Or… or maybe she was just her, just Merlyn? With all her bad parts, her temper and aggression, her skills and knowledge of battle, her sharp wits and sarcastic remarks… her magic. Arthur needed to talk to her, desperate to know that it was not all a lie, that she really was the person he had fallen for.

But she never came.

After the first week, Arthur was sure that Merlyn would be back soon - it was not like her to run away like that. She might think Arthur hated her, but when had she taken orders? And it was her who wanted to talk things through every time they've had an argument in the past, so even when the reason she was gone was a bit different, Merlyn would not just disappear.

Almost three weeks later, the prince was getting desperate. Had she really left them? Had she forced the wall down to make herself brutal again just to hunt down Morgause? The worst part felt to be the fact, that he had to keep Morgana out of it. All of them, Leon, Gwaine, Lancelot and even Gaius, advised Arthur not to tell the princess anything. They said it was for Merlyn to tell if she saw the need, and it was for Morgana's own protection so she did not need to lie to the king too, who also was slightly fretting over the missing warrior. When Arthur could not give his father any answers when Merlyn was coming back, the king was already sending out search parties.

Almost three weeks after the revelation, three weeks of worrying, three weeks of thinking she had died or become the worse part of her again, Merlyn walked to the city when the storm came.

 

**M**

 

"But I am not unknown to you, am I, darling?" A purr came from behind Merlyn just as she was trying to convince Arthur not to go an kill his own father. What good would that do? She still did not think the prince was ready to rule a whole kingdom, he needed a parent for as long as possible, even when that father was someone like Uther. Merlyn wanted the killer-king out as much as the next magic-user, but if Arthur still though magic was evil, would his reign be any different?

The warrior spun around to face the Priestess now, her magic tingling on her fingertips, ready to defend Arthur if it came to that - though she really did not want him to find out like that. _'Do you still think I'm doing the wrong thing here, Merlyn?'_ A voice hummed in the warrior's mind. She was glad that Arthur was behind her so the man did not see the way she rolled her eyes at the Priestess.

 _'I know nothing good happens when you lie like that,'_ she grumbled back, hand gripping the hilt of her borrowed sword, _'is it even true?'_

 _'Does it matter?!'_ An angry snarl came back, the expression on Morgause's face mimicking the emotion of her mental voice, _'Uther deserves to die. You want him gone as much as I do, but here you are, protecting him and his worthless son.'_

 _'You were the one hearing my prophecy, Morgause. Why don't you try to figure out why I'm doing it,'_ Merlyn's almost sighed back, but could almost feel the denial pouring from the older woman's mind to hers. None of the Priestess' or any other magic-users thought the Pendragons could be anything but killers to their kind.

 _'I know I cannot reveal your little secret to him,'_ Morgause suddenly almost cackled in her mind and smiled sweetly to her, making the warrior tense - they always cackled, what was that about? Could they not just laugh normally, or not do it at all? _'But I can always do what you are to scared to do… kill him.'_

_'Try and die.'_

"You would know something about grief like Arthur is feeling, Merlyn, You did lose your mother too," Morgause's voice rang out loud now so Arthur heard it too. The sharp inhale of the prince was loud enough for Merlyn to hear it over the humming of her blood in her veins that seemed to fill her ears, as her heartbeat was steadily speeding up. _No…_ "You did not know?"

Somehow the witch was able to choke out the question, "know what?" through her sad dry throat and lips, the force of her already unstable magic beating in the same rhythm as her heart, both pounding against her chest and skin just begging to be let out. She saw it coming even before Morgause's eyes were starting to fade to gold, her own probably mimicking the change bit by bit.

"Did you think I would leave her alive after taking you?" _No. Nonono, please, no…_ but yes. Yes, she said it. "I still remember how it felt when her blood _poured_ between my fingers when I slit her throat after you ran off."

All her life since she could remember, the idea of her mother being alive and at least sort of happy somewhere had been one of the few things keeping her together. Even when she did not remember Hunith, the pleading of the blurry but kind woman of her memories for Merlyn to keep herself safe by hiding her gifts had stuck to her mind like a fly to honey. It was the thing she thought, the soothing if a bit shaky voice of her mother, when Merlyn felt like just revealing her powers to the world, to Camelot… to Arthur. But the words, they kept her going, kept her from actually doing it. And she had always thought that one day she'd find her, tell her that she remembered her words… but she was dead. _Dead_. Murdered, by the very woman the witch hated with her whole being, who used her, who never cared for what Merlyn wanted… _who deserved to die._

"Arthur, you need to leave," the words were choked out automatically, even when the safety of the prince was the furthest thing from her mind at the moment. The only thing she saw in her vision was Morgause, standing there looking so goddamn smug because thought Merlyn would not dare to do anything - well, one thing she was wrong about. The protest of the prince reached her ears, but Merlyn never let him finish his stubborn insisting, as she spun mostly around to look at the man straight in the eye and yell _"LEAVE!"_ just as she pulled one of her trusted daggers from her belt to chuck it at the murderer. With her magic, she might have managed to plunge it straight at her heart, but she was still trying to keep her powers in control so she would not blow up everything within the five mile radius from where they were.

And as it turned out, Morgause's reflexes had gone better during the years they had seen each other, and soon enough a ball of fire was flying at her and Arthur. Both of them fortunately saw it coming before it was too close, so they managed to jump out of the way, though Arthur was the one to jump into hiding and Merlyn was left out in the open. The pain was worse than before and it was a struggle not to double down because of it, but somehow, between her murderous intents and hatred for the Priestess, Merlyn was able to move without much trouble, the only problem was that her legs were already feeling a bit weak from running after Arthur and now the jumping - but it did not mean she was going to stop and lie down to wait for her own death. "Arthur, please leave," she asked, surprising herself too with how calm she actually sounded with the war of emotions rummaging under her skin. "I really don't want you to find out like this, but I cannot hold it in any longer." Another ball of fire caught her attention just as her mouth shut again, making her jerk to the side so violently that she actually could hear one of her stitches rip again, and when she sprung over a big boulder on her way, another stitch ripped causing her to wince a bit as she landed on her feet again and looked up. Her sight was still blurry from rage and pain, but it was still focused on the red dress wearing bitch smiling wickedly at her. If Merlyn did not have magic, she would not survive the Priestess' ire.

But the other thing her sight focused, was Arthur not too far behind Morgause, crouching behind a boulder but his head was still visible from over it. She could see him shout something, but the sound never reached her ringing ears. The whole world went silent and it was like time slowed down without her permission as she let out a short breath, eyes locking with the beautiful bright blue ones glued on her, the prince's confused look morphing slowly to a horrified one, mouth opening as to yell but she never heard or saw it as a flash of red and orange caught her attention from the corner of her eye - and before she could move, the flaming ball hit her chest and sent her flying backwards.

The shield her powers created around her to protect her from the impact still let her head hit one of the rocks. It was not a hard blow, but it still made her vision sway badly and all air leave her lungs in a huge swoosh. Her tired eyes peered lazily at the sun hanging low over the fortress, listening to the cackle echoing in her mind as if the person laughing was standing on the other side of a long tunnel. Her eyes slipped shut as a voice purred in her mind, _'give up, Merlyn…'_ She might have hit her head, but the image of Morgause slicing her mother's throat kept flashing in her mind, once in a while the form of Hunith changing to Arthur, Gwaine, Leon… _Oh, hell no._ A guttural growl escaped her throat as an answer to the voice whispering in her ear and her eyes snapped open, wide awake as the ground shook beneath her back, warning the Priestess that she just made Merlyn _very mad._

The chanting of a teleportation spell caught her ear, but before Morgause could finish the spell, Merlyn imagined her magic as the familiar golden tendrils, flowing wildly under her skin - but now she let them free, watching in her Mind's Eye how they slithered along the ground at the woman who was more like a transparent shell over a pool of black, slimy liquid Merlyn imagined her magical aura felt like, and grinned to herself when her beloved tendrils pierced the shell, intertwining in the slime, holding it in place - holding _her_ in place. The trick always worked only if Merlyn was already on the edge or very emotional, because those were the times her magic worked the best, even when it felt more out of control too. _"How are you doing this?!"_ She heard how the Priestess anxiously screeched, her magic trashing wildly against Merlyn's bonds. The witch was not really even sure how it worked, she just thought of it and it sometimes worked - it would not hold the Priestess still for long and only if Morgause would not try anything too violent the same time.

Time slowed gradually around the warrior the same time she gathered herself from the pile of stones, twisting her neck to make it crack loudly. The satisfying feeling of letting go of the bonds of her powers made her feel like nothing could stop her, like she could rule the world if she so pleased. No strings were tying her to the ground, boundaries meant nothing to her as she walked calmly over the stones and across slowly moving square with no rush at all. Usually she tried to control her powers at least a little bit, but now she wanted to show the Priestess what she had made her be, show the weapon she so craved to make of that innocent, _good_ child she had been.

When the time moved again, the sky darkened rapidly over her and soon the fortress bathed in shadows - the only light for Merlyn were the tendrils she could see as her eyes swirled gold again, along with the flash of lighting when the witch reached out to grab the murderer by the throat, loving the sound of her shocked gasps as she got her magic to help her lift the Priestess from the ground. A smirk familiar from the time she had lived with Morgause spread to her lips as the brown eyes, flickering weakly golden stared back at her. Faintly, the witch felt something slightly crack in her mind, but as the lighting flashed again one of the tendrils pulled the Priestess from Merlyn's grip just to throw her somewhere to the chopping block Morgause had used to scare her earlier, and Merlyn forgot the sound completely. The silent pleads of mercy were really starting to irritate the witch and it made her fury flare up even bigger, the anger and authority flooding to her voice as she spoke, _"you plead for mercy and you never showed that to others. What about my mother?"_

Another flash lit the square for a longer time now, letting Merlyn see the utter terror in Morgause's face. When the woman had last seen her, Merlyn had been twelve and that had been the day before her escape. The young girl had placed a sleeping spell on the Priestess to keep her out of the way while she tried to leave. She had been strong then, but nothing compared to what she was now - now she could've fought the guards and Morgause the same time by just keeping them pinned to the walls. But when she had been twelve, the spell had felt like the safest opinion - of course, the power she had had then had been a lot more than Merlyn had thought, the fortress they were right now was an evidence of that. Morgause had clearly restored the side her chambers had been, but even a Priestess had her limits. _"What about my mother, Morgause?!"_ The warrior roared again, stomping her foot down and made the building shake even stronger now, wide golden eyes staring at the woman in red laying by the chopping block, scrambling backwards to get away from her but the vines sprouting from the ground cut her movements off and locked her in her rightful place - under Merlyn's feet as she walked to stand over her.

"No…" It was mostly a whisper, but it came out just as the thunders went silent, and Morgause was quietly gasping for air as the wines wrapped around her neck and squeezed so tight her airways closed off. Though Merlyn was completely immersed with her revenge fantasy, the familiar voice penetrated the haze with ease and got the warrior's eyes to snap to its direction - and land straight on the blue ones she had woken up that morning to see. _Arthur…_

Arthur was here.

Arthur knew.

 _He knows,_ the thought ran around in her mind over and over again, chasing the idea of strangling the Priestess to death right there and then, but… was revenge for the past more important than her future, _her destiny?_ Merlyn's resolve faltered then as she looked down again to the woman who had ruined her life, down to the scared brown eyes, reminding her of the people who had sadly fallen to be her prey in her darkest years. Hunith had died _years_ ago, and though Merlyn missed her so much, wasn't it her mission to try to show Arthur that magic was _not_ evil? Would taking revenge do that? Well, it would feel very good at least, but maybe doing it right then would not be the best course of action. _"If you ever come to Camelot again, you will receive the same faith as Nimueh did,"_ she promised coolly, as the tendrils slowly withdrew themselves from the Priestess dark magic, and watched how the teleportation spell left her lips faster than Merlyn had thought possible.

When the last of the smoke faded to the air and she felt her magic slowly gather itself beneath her skin again, her legs started to wobble badly. Her magic was still agitated and going as strong as ever, so it did not really help her condition - as did not the fact that she heard Arthur run to her. Between the fading clouds, the bright rays of sunshine hit them the same time Merlyn brought her hand up to stop Arthur from coming closer. She did not even need to see his face to know what he was feeling - betrayed. Hurt. _Angry._ "Leave… And please… speak to Gaius before you see your father… about everything." It was all she wanted. Arthur needed to think before he acted for once, even when the things he had found out were so huge - the truth about his birth and then adding the revelation of a person close to him having magic… it was not an easy day for the prince of Camelot. But if he just could go to Gaius first, then maybe Merlyn would still have a home.

 _"What?_ No, I'm not leaving before you tell me what the _hell_ that was?!" Of course Arthur would be stubborn now when Merlyn was already struggling enough with keeping her magic from lashing out against him too, but now she had to deal with his tantrum and, as suspected, the Darkness raging in her mind now that she had let Morgause leave, yelling that she could've dealt with her. It was a tempting idea, but Merlyn knew she could handle it by herself, if only she'd get rid of Arthur for a while at least. "How the hell could you do this to me, huh?! Am I just a pawn in some elaborate scheme you have going on to get back at the kingdom, to take revenge?!" _Sure, make it about yourself only,_ the warrior found herself bitterly thinking and felt how a small tendril of magic threatened to escape her control to show the prince who exactly was the one in trouble here.

 _"Answer me!"_ With all his clear frustration with her silence, she would've never expected him to come even closer, hands closing in to grab her - and it was a mistake from him. It was not Merlyn's choice to be honest, to snap her eyes up and feel her magic rush to the surface to keep her safe from even the future king she had been practically created for, but here she was, furiously glaring at the man she loved flying across the air and ending up feet not touching the ground, back against the wall and almost choking because of the impact. _"Leave before I make you."_  She had never wanted to see that look, that _oh, so familiar_ look on Arthur's eyes she had seen on others before, as she let him back down, but there it was - fear. Clear, pure fear. He was afraid of _her._

She made prince Arthur afraid of her. The Once and Future King she was destined to protect, the man she had grown close to during the last ten months despite all their problems and arguments, and the… the brave, wonderful man she had actually fallen in love with, was now afraid of her. If earlier her magic felt like it was out of control, now it was violently bursting out of her - and she did not stop it. For a few seconds, the world stopped, everything went quite as she closed her eyes tight, trying to fight the tears of deep regret and sadness and _fierce hatred for all the people who had ruined her!_ How dare Morgause try to use her?! How dare she think Merlyn was just one of the children she could control?! How dare Mordred be such a despicable bastard, trying to get Merlyn to change?! Why could no one just love her _as she was?!_

Ever so slowly, the world started to move again. Somehow she managed to feel around the fortress for Arthur, to see when he would be in a safe distance. Even Saewig was still there, but as she was getting ready to release everything she had in her, she even cut his reins and commanded it away, to safety. The clouds were gathering over her head again, hanging low and swirling in a circle with the Eye of the storm directly on top of her. The bolts of lightning were smashing down at the ground repeatedly, hitting the same places around the fortress that had started Merlyn's downfall years ago, a strong wind was picking up around her, throwing her hair everywhere. Then…

Then she just let go.

A scream left her throat and ground shook again, the wind was whipping her hair back and forth around her, lightnings crashing closer and closer to her and the fortress. Her eyes strayed up to the stormy skies, relishing the feeling of the heavy drops of water falling to her face as the black clouds opened up over her. Her shaky arms slowly rose up so her fingers were pointing at the sky, her eyes closing as she took a deep breath and curled her fingers to tight fists before making a pulling motion - the storm literally crashed down over her, destroying the stone fortress into dust around her in one, swift motion. She did not even have to say the spell out loud this time, the black whirlwind of smoke just began to form around her. It was a lot bigger and stronger than most of the times, reminding more of a tornado that could've brought villages to the ground, than a normal whirlwind. It went up from the ground straight up to the eye of the storm, pulling the screaming witch with it to oblivion.

 

***

 

There was no time where Merlyn was. No time, no world, just her and her thoughts and struggles. Faintly, the witch knew she was laying down on something hard for what felt like hours but could have been weeks, months even. Her cursed magic kept her alive even when she just wanted to fade away, to not feel or think. Her heart… she had none anymore. No heart, no soul - both had been ripped from her body and taken away with Arthur and his scared, beautiful eyes.

All she could think of, was Morgause. That bitch ruined her life, as she had thought a million times during her life but now she knew it for sure. And why? To get revenge on one kingdom. The Priestess had killed an innocent woman to kidnap a small girl, then had started to teach that very same girl to destroy with her magic, had let her torture knights, had fed the girl's hunger for power that she had not even understood completely back then. And now… now she had ruined Merlyn's one chance of a _home._ A place where she had people who actually cared for _her_ , not her skills with weapons or magic. And her chance of... yeah. Of love. She could think that now as there was no world for her anymore.

 _'My dear child,'_ a voice whispered in her ear after the second eternity Merlyn had laid on the hard ground. For a moment, the witch thought she was again going insane, thought that the voice were coming back. But this voice… this was familiar. _'You did not pray for me, but I want to help you, Emrys.'_

"I'm not worthy of your help, Cerridwen," she rasped back, coughing weakly. Not drinking for ages was taking a toll on her, she did not even have the energy to roll on her back. "I have no destiny, I have no home… He h-hates me."

 _'The only one hating you right now is you, child,'_ the Goddess shushed her, a warm feeling spreading over the warrior as she spoke, _'he waits for you. He needs you. And you need to remember.'_

Frowning, Merlyn tried to open her eyes but could not, it was like her eyelids were glued shut. "Remember what?"

_'Remember that you are loved and missed, and remember the danger lurking close to you.'_

A spike of pain attacked her forehead so suddenly, that the dark blue eyes snapped open and her mouth opened as a pained gasp left her lips, memories flooding to her mind so quickly and forcefully that it took her a moment to understand them. Even when she heard only snippets of conversations here and there, everything from the time she had been partly aware of her surroundings came back - how Gaius had been treating her, how the men had been talking around her, Arthur… 

 _'If he was not dead already, I'd be ripping his limps of one by one at this point.'_ Gwaine, he had been so worried Merlyn had wanted to laugh at him as he had been trashing against Leon's hold and trying to get to the warrior even when Gaius had been reassuring him that Merlyn was fine. And Leon! He had been wanting to get revenge too, Merlyn remembered thinking how strange it had been, _'…but even I hoped to make it a bit more slow for a scum like that.'_

And Lancelot, of course. Some sort of a memory of Lance and Arthur speaking came to her, but that was more blurry than the rest. _'You have no idea how many times I tried to sneak in to get her.'_

 _'Morgana was very upset about everything, so I think the stress was a bit too much for her.'_ The princess had been ill for a long time by now, but it was heartwarming to hear that she had been worried. And Gaius had of course been fretting over moving Merlyn from his chambers to her own, but the prince had convinced him, ' _I'll guard her with my life, Gaius. I promise.'_

But the one memory, the one thing she had so badly wanted to know was the one that made the pain go from bad to torture, and that was only because she knew it could never be, not when he now knew, not if he did not believe her to be a good person now. _'All I could think about, was the fact that this kingdom… no, this world would be a lot darker and unhappier if you were gone. That I would not know what to do if you really had died in there, or if you had been turned to.. to what you were, and it would have made you not care about us anymore…. I don't think I could live like that. I don't think I could live without you, Merlyn… I know it's terrible from me to say this when you don't even hear me, but… I just wish you'd know. I just wish you'd feel the same way, because this is killing me. I don't think I've ever said it out loud, but… I think I'm falling in love with you, you reckless lady, and I really hope you'd live a bit longer.'_

Arthur _loved_ her. He had actually said that out loud, with a small chuckle and in such a sincere voice that it made what was left of Merlyn's heart fly straight to the prince as if it was not certain that he already had it completely. How could he say he loved her, even after hearing Merlyn had been a brutal killer and not just an assassin? Would it change now, when he knew the rest of her secrets? Of course it would, who was she kidding… Arthur was taught to hate magic-users, so even if he was waiting for Merlyn to come back, he would never feel like that anymore… wait.

 _..._ _Margaret._

 _'You'll be fine, My Lady Merlyn, and soon, you'll find your way back to Master Mordred.'_  The thought of the traitorous maid made Merlyn's closed eyes burn with anger as the gold flashed back again. Her magic had been almost nonexistent for… well, however long it had been since the incident in the fortress. But now, now it felt like she could do it all over again, maybe even twice just to get the maid in her hands. Could she not trust anyone anymore?!

 _'Go, my child,'_ the Goddess hummed musically in the warrior's ear, the force that had brought the memories back now smoothing the rough edges of her appearance and basic needs so she could move as soon as possible. Merlyn felt herself rise from the ground slowly, a warm feeling swirling around her, making her feel alive once again. 'Go _, and keep your prince safe,'_ the voice whispered as the warrior's feet touched the ground, though she sounded almost as angry as Merlyn felt.

As the thunder boomed in the distance, golden eyes snapped open in the shadowy cave.

_***_

 

The city was mostly silent when Merlyn walked in the first gates to the Lower Town. The rain was falling heavily down, drowning everything under it and only the bravest of servants and citizens were still running around. Only some of them noticed her and bowed or curtsied, but she barely acknowledged them as her mind was so immersed with the thought of finding Margaret _now._ She knew the maid would be in the castle, probably doing some chores left from the other's as her own mistress had not been there for a while. The furious warrior had no clue how long she had been gone, but it seemed that it had not been that long seeing that those who saw her were not that surprised to see her walk across the town, though the small detail of her calmly striding in the pouring rain with no indication of the rain bothering her even though her hair was soaking wet and sticking to her cold, emotionless face made them nervous.

The guards situated on the gates leading to the castle courtyard almost ran to stop her but backed hastily away after seeing who exactly she was, now running ahead to the castle no doubt to announce her arrival to the prince and maybe even the king. From the corner of her eye, Merlyn saw the telltale flash of a red cape of one of the knights, but it was not Leon or Gwaine, solely based on the fact that they did not come closer. Not that Merlyn would've stopped even if they had.

A flash of movement in the window facing the square caught Merlyn's attention though and as she stopped in the middle of the watery courtyard looking up, her eyes met the prince's. He was at his window, clearly so shocked that he was unable to move from his place, just standing there and staring at the warrior who just tilted her head tightly as some kind of a greeting before walking forward again, faster now. Calls for her name greeted her as she entered the castle, but the only thing she said was, "I have a bone to pick with someone," and walked coolly past Leon, Lancelot and Gwaine. The knights stayed behind, dumbstruck by her behavior, but Lancelot followed not far behind.

After walking around the castle for a good ten minutes, Merlyn reached the familiar corridor where hers and Arthur's chambers were - and of course the prince himself had to be waiting for her, standing there in the middle of the wide hallway with his arms crossed and left foot tapping against the stone floor. "Follow me. Now," he immediately ordered, gesturing to his chambers with his head but Merlyn sternly shook her head.

"I have something to do," she grumbled as she walked coldly past the man, the memory of his words ringing in her mind for a second before she forced them out so she could focus. It was not hard to find Margaret after coming to that corridor, now both Arthur and Lancelot following her. The prince tried twice to get her to follow him, but Lancelot was the one to get him to stop. His exact words were something like 'you really don't want to piss her off when she is like this', so he shut up finally. And then, when they turned the corner, there the maid was - peacefully sweeping the floor with her back to the three people stopping on the other end of the corridor and humming the annoying tune she had hummed when Merlyn had been 'unconscious', and it made a cruel smirk spread to the witch's lips.

Without a warning to either of the men who were standing bit to the side so they could see her face, Merlyn's eyes slowly swirled gold and the familiar feeling of time slowing down surrounded her. The drenched warrior then walked briskly closer to the maid to face her but did not go close at first. Merlyn blended nicely to one shadowy alcove not far from Margaret, but the maid would not notice her just suddenly appear. To her, it would seem like Merlyn had been there for a while - but frightful effect would not be any less.

Slowly, the broom in Margaret's hand started to move normally again as the warrior leaned against the alcove's edge, crossing her arms. Behind the maid, Merlyn saw how Arthur's head swung from side to side to see where the witch went and it was only the silent shushing and pointing from Lancelot that kept him quiet. Then, the bright green eyes of the maid rose up to her and the sight of the older woman dressed in her dark leather standing mostly in the shadows made her almost jump out of her skin. _"My Lady!"_ She gasped, hand coming up to the root of her neck to calm her heart that was undoubtedly threatening to jump out of her chest. "I have been wondering where you have been! Are you all right?"

Merlyn was not sure if it was the concern in her voice, or the demand to know if she was fine, but her anger of the maid's betrayal flared up again. There was no question if the worry was real, but it was the wrong kind - it was for _Mordred_ , and that would not do. "Actually, I am not, Margaret," the witch sighed, donning on her obviously fake, sorrowful tone of voice, but the maid was none the wiser. "I found out something terrible…"

"What is it?" Whispered Margaret, starting to step closer but stopped when Merlyn was the one to walk out of the alcove, tilting her head and pursing her lips seemingly hesitating, but really she was just trying not to lash out at the girl already.

"I found out that someone is spying me," the warrior said in a hushed voice, shaking her head as she slowly walked around the maid, stopping behind her. "And I have to do something I don't really like to do. Do you know what that is, Margaret?"

The maid's shoulders were now so tense that Merlyn could see her muscles twitch violently under her thin dress and her knuckles turning white as she gripped the broom too tightly. Her Darkness might be locked away, but Merlyn still got a bit of sick satisfaction from creating fear in people, especially people who deserved no respect from her. The warrior moved right behind the young girl's back, so close she could smell the thin layer of sweat forming on her skin and hear her breath hitch silently as Merlyn's breath washed over her ear visible under the red, curly hair.

"I have to teach them a lesson… and they don't want me to do that," she whispered so softly the words almost drowned under Margaret's heavy breathing and rounded the girl again, tilting her head to the side now as she looked down at the maid. "Are you afraid of him, or do you agree with him?" She left no room for lies in the way her eyes hardened from sweet night sky to dark blue steel, the smirk coming back when Margaret's eyes widened to plates, her body trembling now under the warrior's unwavering gaze. But she never answered, even though her mouth opened and closed a few times, and it made the witch hum silently.

"Shame. I did not want to do this." And promptly slammed her right hand's palm against the maid's forehead with her eyes burning gold again, the other hand gripping Margaret's shoulder to keep the girl from moving. _"Hlosnian for mé. Forġiete min drýlác,"_ she hissed silently and let her magic work its way to the maid's mind. It would keep the girl from revealing anything that was happening in the kingdom that could somehow be useful to Mordred. _Everything you see, hear, or even taste or smell, you tell me, even if it happened in Camelot,_ the mental command was added to the mix. Margaret's eyes went unfocused as her mind was utterly scrambled - normally Merlyn felt bad intruding someone's mind like this, but for someone like Margaret who betrayed her? She deserved it. It was painless, and she would only remember everything if Merlyn let her - it would not remove her ideals or her ability to control her own thoughts, but when she went to Mordred, she would not be able to think of anything worth telling.

When Merlyn felt the spell finish what it was meant to, she whispered another one, _"bemīþe séo drýlác,"_ before smiling satisfied and let go of the disoriented maid. She would not remember seeing Merlyn just now.

"Merlyn. _Now."_

_Oh, right._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, two longer chapters and a reveal?! Wow, I'm proud of myself right now. Let me know what you think, and hey, if you have any ideas what you'd like to read, feel free to suggest - I may or may not need help with the next two chapters (oops). Next time, the dreaded talk!
> 
> Hlosnian for mé. Forġiete min drýlác = Spy for me but forget my magic  
> bemīþe séo drýlác = conceal the magic
> 
> EDIT 25.02.: It's going to take a while to get the next chapter out, I did write it but I'm not happy with it at all so it's rewrite time for me! Try to be patient!


	21. The talk

"Merlyn. _Now._ "

Merlyn was not sure what to expect when she followed the prince to his chambers. The most likeliest in her mind had been a sword straight through the chest immediately when he'd lay eyes on her, or some yelling at least, but no. With the calmness of a man used to keeping his cool during a battle or when an annoying, visiting noble came to Camelot, Arthur led the way to his chambers and even held the door open for her, though he was pointedly avoiding her eyes the whole time. Lancelot was about to follow her too, acting all twitchy about the idea of Merlyn and Arthur alone in his room when the situation was like this, but after whispering to the man that she'd be all right he let them go without him. Merlyn caught his worried eyes for a second before the prince closed the door, offering the man a reassuring smile - even when she herself was not that sure that things would go well. The Goddess had said that Arthur did not hate her, and even Kilgharrah had told her from the start that 'one half of the coin could not truly hate what makes it whole' or something like that. Merlyn was still not sure why the dragon kept repeating it, but it was most likely to get the witch ready for this exact moment.

Staying to stand between the door and dining table, Merlyn watched Arthur's slow movements to the side table to pour two goblets of water for them before he sat at the head of the table and placed the other cup in front of the chair at his right, nodding to the warrior to sit down. Though she was very fidgety at that moment from anxiously waiting what would happen, Merlyn for once did as was told and carefully lowered herself down, inching the chair to the side so she would face the prince but could lean back to give the man space he would undoubtedly need at some point. He never said anything, only leaned against the backrest of his chair, eyes trained on the goblet between his hands, so the witch took it as a sign to start talking.

 _"Ætswígan,"_ the witch mumbled under her breath so she would not startle the prince, but she failed spectacularly and jumped in her seat when Arthur jerked in his too. The witch grimaced a bit before looking down at her hands, "I, uh… Sorry. I'm used to people knowing. It's a s-silencing spell, to keep the more curious people from listening us through the door. They still hear us talking, but the words won't stick to their minds…" She did not look up to see Arthur's face, but heard him make a strange, a bit chocked sound in his throat before silence reigned between them again.

"Where were you? It's been almost _three_ weeks, Merlyn… with no sign of you," for a second there, Arthur's voice shook with worry he apparently had been feeling for a while, but Merlyn barely noticed it in her shock. _Three weeks?!_ How had she even survived that time with no food or drink, just laying in a timeless hole that cave had been? What was that place? The witch remembered practically nothing about the cave, after the Goddess had woken her up she had just left, mind utterly focused on making sure Margaret would do no more damage.

"Honestly… I don't know," whispered Merlyn, not noticing the nonplussed look Arthur gave her. How was she supposed to explain it? "I… The last thing I remember is the black smoke taking me away from the ruins, and then leaving a cave not far from here just a day ago. To me it feels like only hours had gone by, but… I don't know."

"How can you _not_ know?" The monarch tightly questioned, somehow managing to get the words through his gritted teeth, impatiently grumbling something under his breath when Merlyn shrugged weakly. She really had no idea what had happened. Maybe letting go of her restraints then had done something, put her in some sort of clueless state until the Goddess had managed to break through?

"I mean it, I don't know. I can't remember. There was only darkness, like a dreamless sleep until I heard a voice waking me up, telling me I should go. That's how I found out about Margaret too." Merlyn was almost desperate in her attempt to get the man to believe her. He had a very good reason not to, but this.. this was something even the Great Emrys could not explain. It was true that she was powerful and everything, but she was not very well-informed about things regarding to her or magic itself.

"What did she do? And.. what did _you_ do?"

"She was the spy for Mordred," the now more annoyed warrior grumbled, hands gripping the armrests of her wooden chair to give them something to do. The betrayal of her maid was something she had never thought would happen - Margaret was such a sweet, _innocent_ girl! But clearly even that sweet maid was open for manipulation of a sick psychopath, as were too many others before her. "The spell I did was to remove the possibility of her spying anymore. She will still snoop around as before, but when she goes to tell him, Margaret won't remember anything important she had seen or heard. But… she will tell everything to me, about Camelot, Mordred, anything. And remember nothing afterwards."

"Oh." That was all Arthur could say, though what else could he? He was only getting used to the strange things happening around Merlyn and the even stranger things she could or had to do. Still, these thing were nothing compared to what idiotic things  the skilled, deadly warrior had to do with Arthur - get him disguised so he could compete in a jousting tournament secretly, or get him a way out of his chambers in the middle of the night so his father would not see him. And those were just the smallest examples. Merlyn almost smiled at her memories, but the fond feeling swept away when she realized that those, even though a bit stupid, childish things, could be the last she and the prince would have - she should cherish them the best she could.

Eventually, after letting the prince digest the information he got, Merlyn looked back up to him with her eyebrows a bit creased, "is it safe to speak freely, or… do you want to know something specific?"

The prince shrugged slightly after a short silence, "I don't want any nonsense, detailed story about you or your… _magic._ Just tell me what you have done and why are you here. No more secrets." _No more secrets._ That would be hard for Merlyn, seeing as her whole existence had been one big secret until this day. Some people knew but it was a whole lot different to speak about it than people asking questions or already knowing.

"How much did the others tell you?" Merlyn mumbled, shifting awkwardly in her place, eyes flicking coyly to the prince. It was clear that Arthur was much more uncomfortable with this than she was.

"Practically nothing, " he answered quietly, voice strained with annoyance as he thought about the people who already knew. Briefly Merlyn let her mind stray to imagine how those conversations had gone - had they been aggressive? She knew Lancelot and Gwaine might have been a bit more angry than Leon and Gaius, but seeing as there were no visible bruises on any of them, things might have gone quite well. "Lancelot told about the times he had seen you use your… _talents_ , Gaius mentioned something about you not actually being a sorceress, but a _witch_ , whatever that means. Leon and Gwaine just told how they found out."

"Oh. Okay then," she murmured, slumping to a more comfortable position on her seat, trapping her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment. There could be no hiding anymore, but… could she really tell the prince about the prophecy? That was the real start of their story but Arthur needed to make his own decisions with this, not feel obligated to change his whole life for her sake, or for destiny's sake. It would be wrong to put that kind of pressure on him, and it might make him believe she was there to do everything for him. While she knew perfectly well that Arthur would never take advantage of her like Morgause did, she wanted the prince to trust his own skills without relying on her too much.

"Gaius told me that when I was born my eyes flashed from blue to gold the very moment they opened," the story slowly started with her shyly avoiding the man's eyes. Even Lancelot did not know _everything_ about her magical past, so it was hard to find the words for the first time. "I don't remember anything from the early years other than my mother's voice telling me to keep my gifts a secret and that the other children were scared of me because I was never really around them, for my safety and theirs. And I never got any friends, because when I was three, Morgause came."

Merlyn did not want to explain what had happened when Morgause had took her. Even though the memories were a bit fuzzy, the screaming of her mother after Merlyn had ran off still haunted her nightmares.

"Immediately after that she started to teach me, first to read and write in our language, then in the Old Tongue before actually moving to the magic when I was about five. I was quite eager to learn, though at first she wanted to just see how strong I was," the warrior explained, trying to keep the too gruesome details to herself. There was no need to actually tell him that her practice targets had been living, breathing human beings then, though the spells had not been anything other than throwing them away or something like that.

"How did she even find you?" Merlyn had wondered that herself too for the first few years she had lived with the Priestess, before she had started to notice the aura Morgause had. After that it had been just about finding the right things to read and the right people to ask, before Merlyn figured out how to mask herself and how to use it to find others. Even some mundane people had some sort of an aura in them, depending on what kind of people they were. Those who were just normal servants, citizens or farmers for example, did not have any, but then there were the worst ones like Myror, Uther, Theo - and then those with the potential of being great, like Arthur. She felt him more strongly than other non-magical people, though it was mostly because of her personal connection to him and his destiny. He felt _pure_ , there was no other way to describe it - pure like the first snow of the winter, or the first blossom in a tree after the cold had gone and spring was on its way. And it was almost intoxicating to the warrior, as she was so used to Morgause's or Mordred's, who felt dirty and _wrong_.

"Explain." He sounded almost as tired and done as he looked; dark blue, long sleeved tunic he had on was wrinkled, showing signs of him wearing it during the night too and not bothering to change. The deep purple bruises under his eyes on the other hand told her that the man had not slept well, maybe just tossed and turned in his bed every night for weeks. She hated to make people so worried about her, but the fact was that this time she had had no choice in it - if she had, Merlyn would've walked through those gates the very next day after the fortress.

Sighing heavily, Merlyn trapped her lip between her teeth again and began to search for the right words to explain it to the prince. She would have to be very specific about it so he would understand. One way was to literally _show_ him her memories about it, but Merlyn doubted he would let her use magic on him in any way. "Magical beings, such as magic users and creatures have… uh, they have this feel to them, an aura of power of sorts. It's different with everyone. Most sorcerers don't necessarily notice it, because they are not hardwired for the powers like those who are born with them, but some like Gaius for example can feel it. But only in rare cases, a magic-user or a creature can track the feeling and identify which aura belongs to a specific person or beast. Morgause was one of them."

But the prince was not done questioning her, so Merlyn could not continue her story yet, "so how come Morgause did not find you sooner from here?" The disgust when the topic was magic was too clearly present in Arthur's voice and it made Merlyn feel sick just thinking what their relationship would be from now on. She did not want him to be disgusted of her! Gosh, could he even look at her after this? And what would he think about that night they had spent together - would he love her anymore?

"Because I can hide mine," Merlyn now snorted, though it was nothing to laugh about but the situation started to feel almost ridiculous - the prince of Camelot sitting almost calmly with a witch. "No one else can do that, and that's… that's only one of the things that make me special, to be honest."

"What does that mean?" He continued, brow creasing in confusion as he placed his goblet on the table. His frame was still tense, but it was like he could not help shifting closer as she spoke more. They were still quite far away each other so they could not touch, not even when right now Merlyn just wanted to get a hug from him - and perhaps tell she remembered finally. But it was not the right time for that.

Rubbing her tired eyes - she really needed to get a good night's sleep soon - Merlyn shrugged again. The truth was that she was an oddity in the magical community too, there was no one like her, so no one could really explain how everything worked. There were a lot of things she could do that made no sense to the others, one example being the way she could control time on a whim. "I began to train to be a Priestess when I was older, but Nimueh told Morgause that I could never be one," she murmured. The witch was a bit reluctant to speak about her time with the Priestess, but it was a crucial part of her life. "So, Morgause decided that I would become a weapon, to her and every accomplice she had, like king Cenred. I had to focus on destructive magic and fighting… and that led to me making Morgause scared with my powers when I was seven."

The fact of her powers being great at such a young age seemed to startle Arthur form whatever though he was having, and look up to her. At Uther's birthday celebration, Merlyn had told about it but Arthur had always assumed that she had meant being skilled with a sword. But Merlyn did not give him a chance to ask anything so she would not need to lie again - saying a prophecy written hundreds, maybe even thousands of years ago said she would be the most powerful magic-user ever to walk on earth might be too much for him. "With all the training in both weapons and magic, I found that I wanted to learn other things too. So I studied all the books Morgause had, but I'm still good at only the most dangerous ones, like fighting, elements, destroying... I always just thought that it was because that was what I was supposed to do. I think it made me believe I should just… be evil, and never change." And that meant surrendering herself to the Darkness and Mordred. Arthur was not an idiot, Merlyn knew he'd piece that together without her actually explaining it - still very much ashamed of the part of her past life, speaking about it made the thundering in her mind even worse.

"Something's I can do happen with only a thought-" her eyes flashed to make her own goblet float about two inches over the table before slowly going down again, "-but most of the time I need to use a spell, until I become so used to the specific spell that it just happens. But when my emotions are too much to handle, I start to lose control. Gaius probably explained this to you, but I have magic _in_ me, coursing through my veins like my blood, intertwined in my very cells. It _is_ me, and I am _it_. But… my physical form, I don't think I can contain it all. There is just too much of it in me, constantly banging against my skin and every single day of my life is a continuous struggle of holding it in, even when nothing bad happens… and when something bad _does_ happen…"

"Wh.. what do you mean you can't _contain_ it?" Merlyn had to swallow several times to keep her composure, to keep herself from breaking down right there. The idea of dying… could anyone _really_ accept it? Her lifestyle was dangerous, filled with situations Merlyn could get killed but at least she was in a sort of control over it. But when it came to her powers just growing daily, almost spilling out of her without a chance for her to stop it…

"…it means that someday, when things get too much out of my control, when I experience something too traumatic or something that rises too many emotions, I might just… _die_. I don't know if that's even possible to have too much power for my body and mind to handle, but some days it feels like that." Like right now. Afraid of losing her home and her destiny made the force inside her swirl like a storming sea and actually made her feel a bit sick, like ready to vomit any second now.

"It feels like a fire in my chest, burning its way through my body little by little, taking more space from under my skin every minute. It… it hurts more when I need to use it and then pull it back, that's why I try not to too often. That is one big reason why I seem to explode verbally or physically every chance I get, to prevent the magic from doing it for me," she sighed. She could fortunately count with the fingers of one hand how many times her control had slipped as badly as in the fortress, and luckily no one had died those times. There was only so much death one person could handle. "But don't get me wrong, I know how to handle it for most of the time. Being able to go into battle with using other means helps too, and the fact that I don't really hold back my words if something bothers me." The last part got the corner of Arthur's mouth to twitch but he covered it too quickly to Merlyn to notice it.

"How have you used it when you came here then? Lancelot already told me about Gregor's group, and I can probably guess what happened with Morgause too, but what else?" Arthur murmured, raising a brow at the warrior. Merlyn noticed how he was gripping his chair's armrests so tight that he could probably break the wood apart if he wanted to. The exterior of the prince might have been mostly calm, but it was obvious that inside he was steaming.

"The first time was when I saved you from the woman using the necklace to look like Lady Helen. I was lucky that no one saw it, I was not exactly trying to hide then because I was not yet sure if I even wanted to stay here," Merlyn told the prince with a small, nervous laugh and shrugged a bit. "After that, mostly just to keep people safe when there were too many bandits for us to handle. I never did anything if I saw that we could handle ourselves, I do trust the knights' and your skills. Then… uh, when I was poisoned. I don't know what happened-" in her nervousness, Merlyn was waiving her hands a bit around, but stopped when Arthur flinched when her hand came up, "-but Gaius said I was talking about you and… chanting some spell neither of us had never heard, but…" She raised her hand palm up and got Arthur's attention again, watching carefully how he tensed up as her eyes changes color and how they widened slowly as he recognized the glowing ball that slowly made itself visible to float over her hand.

"That… that was _you?"_ The prince gasped, now looking her straight in the eyes for the first time since she had seen him in the corridor. The warrior smiled and nodded slowly, gently flicking her wrist to throw the ball in the air and watched it float closer to Arthur. He could not hide the utter curiosity he was feeling as he raised his hand and let it hover next to the light. It was clear that he would've wanted to touch it, but he had to keep himself from moving. The hatred of magic was too much, not that Merlyn could blame him.

"I saw a dream of you jumping from a cliff with this floating close by so after what Gaius said, it was not hard to deduce it was my doing. After that, I managed to save myself from Sophia's staff," she continued quietly so she would not startle the prince too much. He did not look as tense anymore, but almost understanding and made Merlyn wonder what he figured out. "I would have a hole in my stomach if my magic had not acted on itself to create a shield in front of me. It still threw me out of the window so it does not work perfectly all the time, but thanks to my ability to slow time, I-"

"Wait. Y-you can slow down _time?!"_ Arthur suddenly gasped, tensing up again as he looked down from the light at her, shifting in his seat a bit backwards. Controlling time was one of those things that she had always been able to do, but it was also one of the things that took most energy of her. It might be easy to do, but it was not easy to maintain. Her dark eyes stayed on the prince when he got up from the chair in almost frantic movements, his whole body almost trembling as he tried to control himself. "Is that something you just, I don't know, _wanted_ to learn for the sake of learning or what?"

Merlyn was already shaking her head slowly while he was talking, staring at Arthur's back as he moved to stand before the window facing the other side of the courtyard, looking over to the training grounds too. There would not be anyone there at this time as it was so late already, the sun had gone down even before Merlyn appeared in the city. She was not sure if the rainstorm had been her anger's doing or just a coincidence. "Uh, no. Since I was little, I could slow time for a few seconds, but Morgause wanted me to learn it more so now I can keep it nearly stopped for almost six minutes. It's… it's just something I can do, I don't know why," explained the warrior, wringing her hands together to stop them from shaking again. It was not the cold or even fear, but the side-effect from slowly getting back her energy and magic after being slumped down in that cave for apparently _three_ weeks.

Arthur was silent for a long time after that, processing all what Merlyn had said. There was no clear sign of what he was thinking about, but at least he was still not yelling _sorcerer_ and ordering her to be executed. It was not that she'd even let him do it, not really, but she'd like to be able to be visible when protecting him, not hiding in the shadows. With all her magical might, even she could not do everything from a distance. Merlyn might be content to be unknown by the citizens, but if Arthur wanted her away… there was too big of a possibility that she'd actually leave for good. "So, is that all?" The quiet voice of the prince shook Merlyn out of her mind, making her blink a few times to get rid of the lingering burning in her eyes.

"No. The next time was when the sword was created. There is a… a dragon, under the castle," she winced a bit as she admitted that. Arthur must have been aware of the capture of the Great Dragon, but he might not know where Kilgharrah was being held. "I went to him with the sword and asked him to burnish it. I think my magic connected with his fire somehow and went into the blade too, I have no idea why but… it allows me to use it too."

"Allows?" He sighed, seemingly almost tired of these revelations that kept coming at him. Merlyn felt really sorry for the prince, he was not having a great time right now. First learning about his mother, seeing Merlyn be extra scary, then listening to vague explanations of her from others and then on top of that having to wait Merlyn to come back to tell her story herself. The warrior, even though mostly quite capable of taking in a lot and surviving, did not know how she would handle all that - having her life turned around in the span of few weeks, most of it happening during one day.

Fortunately, Merlyn knew quite a lot of dragon's and their magic since she had practically devoured the books Morgause had owned, a lot of them focusing on Dragonlords, dragons and other magical creatures. "A sword burnished in dragon's fire is a weapon with the power to kill anything. The living and undead, a High Priestess or Priest, magical creatures…" she let her words trail off, trying to see any change in Arthur's form to her answer, but he was just standing there, looking out the window with his face hidden from her inquiring eyes. "So it is not to be wielded by just anyone. This one, it was made for you specifically, to be given to your hand when you become king."

"…why?"

"Because you're destined to be a great king. And I was destined to be here, by your side to help you." Now the witch let herself actually smile as she spoke, and it apparently was clear in her voice since Arthur turned to look at her over his shoulder, eyebrows burrowed. The acceptance of him being her Right King… never had she been so content about something. He was the right person for it, even if he would not trust her anymore after all this. He'd be able to see the right side of magic from her actions, and hopefully from others', and some day… someday she'd be free. Free to be herself, magical creature and a warrior, to maybe find someone she'd be able to be with and get married even. It was rare for her to think about settling down with someone, but if everything went well with Arthur… then it was possible. In the _very_ distant future though.

Turning his face back to the window, Arthur asked, "is this the destiny Gaius and Kilgharrah spoke about? What does it mean?" Merlyn nodded slowly even though he did not see it. Speaking about destiny was a troublesome thing. She did not believe that faith and destiny and all that bullshit dictated what a person would become, or what they would do but it was a huge weight on one's shoulders.

"It means that I was literally made for this job, for this life I have here. And- _wait_ ," her mind connected the dots suddenly, making her unable to hold the slight tone of aggravation from her voice, "you _know_ about Kilgharrah?!"

A humorless snort came from the prince now as he glanced drily over his shoulder. "I don't think you're in the position to be angry I did not tell you something," Arthur almost grumbled, but offered her a small nod before turning around again, clasping his hands behind his back, "but yes. Gaius told me to go to it, but little help that was. It spouted some _nonsense_ about faith's threads intertwining or something."

"Ah, yeah… he likes to do that a lot. I don't understand him any better," snickered Merlyn, but it did not seem that Arthur found any humor in it, so her silent laughter died as quickly as it came. "So then, there… there was the Questing Beast. I killed it, and then I went to the Isle of the Blessed. You know how that went, but there are some details about it that I kept from you before, like-" the witch buried her face in her hands now - she hated this story, even though it had been quite satisfying at the time,"-the fact that I literally made Nimueh _explode_ by bringing lightning down from the sky to smite her and then with some god sent luck I was able to trade her life to Morgana's when she was sick and…"

 _"And?"_ No secrets, that had been the rule. But Merlyn knew very well that revealing this could be the point that got Arthur angry. The agitated warrior had to stand up now and start pacing across the floor between the door and table to burn off the extra energy she had, the whole time feeling Arthur's eyes following her as he turned around.

She glanced briefly at the man, but lowered her dark eyes back to the floor when meeting his confused gaze. "There are things about me and magic even I don't understand, you need to remember that. I terrify myself too, _every day_ of my life I think that I could almost literally bring fire from the skies if I got angry at someone, that I could make the blood boil in someone's veins… " her words almost choked off when a sudden sob escaped her throat, and it seemed to alarm the prince more - from the corner of her eye, she noticed him jerk a bit forward to her direction, but had to visibly stop himself from moving. "When I killed Nimueh and traded her life, I used the Power of Life and Death… And I could do it again, now that I 'unlocked' it, or whatever the hell I did. _I don't know!"_

"You.. you have the same power that _killed_ my mother?" Pushing her fingers through her mostly still wet hair, she gave him a few twitchy nods before looking up, apologetically and pleading for understanding or even a small sliver of warmth from the steely eyes that were staring at her standing there, in front of his chamber doors.

"I _never_ asked for it, I _never_ wanted it and I am _never_ going to use it, I _promise_!" She almost yelled, more angry at herself and her life than the man watching her carefully, but he seemed to think it was the other way around since he took a hasty step backwards. Merlyn turned her back to him as she let her hands drop limply to her sides, stopping to take a few deep breaths to calm down. As she continued, her voice was barely more than a whisper, "I don't want all this power that I have tingling in my fingertips even right now… you have no idea how horrifying it is to be more afraid yourself than anything or anyone in this world."

No answer came from the prince, not that she had expected any. All the memories they had were tarnished in both their minds right now, but she could not stop telling her story, not when she was so far along with it. "…after that, I used magic to distract Myror when he was trailing me, and when you were jousting. I got you the chance to throw him off of his horse, and I snapped his neck when he landed. None of us needed him to be alive for your father to start asking questions, but… I think that's it. If you don't start counting all the times I had to cover our tracks, or save us from bandits and sorcerers, or when I use it for simple things..." Merlyn was so, _so_ tired but at the same time so agitated that it felt like she could run around the training grounds for _hours_.

"Can't you stop?" The warrior had to laugh a bit at his question. Arthur sounded almost like he was begging, but at the same time like he was desperately trying to find a solution that did not mean he had to face the reality. Could she stop? Probably. _Should_ she stop? Hell no.

"No. I tried after I escaped Morgause, but it went totally out of control and I-I almost killed a little kid strolling the woods after making a tree fall… I never tried again." Turning around again, Merlyn almost jumped when she saw that Arthur had at some point walked around the table and was now standing only three feet away from her, hands crossed on his chest.

"Why did you come to Camelot in the first place?" He continued and watched gritting his teeth as Merlyn slumped again, weakly shrugging and throwing her arms in the air.

"I think it was some higher plan to get me here, though I only stayed to save money to travel somewhere else. What you heard then was the truth, I did not know who I saved… I was going to disappear without a word one night, but then I got to know you all. And this kingdom started to feel like home." _Please don't make me leave,_ she wanted to beg, throw herself in his feet and cry. Her face was no doubt filled with agony she was feeling, Arthur at least seemed to lose some of his anger at the sight of her. But it came back stronger after her answer, and now he was he one pacing. The warrior did not even have the courage to follow his movements, too afraid that he'd get more angry for it.

Stopping near the archway leading to his bedchamber, the prince flipped around to glare at the young woman still standing in the same spot, "home, where you lie to us about pretty much everything? How is that _home?"_ His fingers were already curled into tight fists and trembling at his sides as he stopped to stare at her fully now, eyes like blue fire burning to her soul.

"Arthur, I-"

"No, you _don't_ get to talk right now! Why did you not tell me?!" He was yelling now, and took an angry, tense step closer to the warrior who bravely tried to stay at the same spot. She did not fear him, but the disgusted look in his eyes was like a knife to the gut. "You said you trusted me with your _life_ , but then you cannot trust that I would not try to kill you for this?! How can you say you trust me if you-"he had been walking closer the whole time as he was speaking, really not understanding how dangerous that was for the both of them.

 _"Why should I have?!_ " It was Merlyn's time to scream now and cut him off, her eyes flashing briefly as a warning to the man not to step any closer if he did not want to be thrown away again. Luckily it worked, and he stopped, though he never moved away but just stayed a feet away from the witch, eyes wide as plates. "All the things you _ever_ said about magic were to call it evil or disgusting or unnatural, when it actually is the _most natural_ thing in this world! The nature is _filled_ with magic, it flows through _everything_ we see, smell or taste, you cannot eradicate it," her finger got up to point straight at the man's nose, far enough not to touch or scare him, " _ever._ And like the land, magic just _is!_ It is the people who are evil or good or something from between. It was not _magic_ that made me be who I was, it was not _magic_ that pushed me to Mordred, it was not _magic_ that made me decide to lock that Darkness away, but just _me._ "

Dark shadows were already falling over them, drowning the chambers into darkness as the last of the candles burned out and the sun was no longer desperately peaking through the fading storm clouds - grumbling, Merlyn's eyes flung to the closest fireplace and a second later flames almost violently burst out and gave some light to them - curiously, Arthur did not even react to it, he was more focused on just watching Merlyn's furious, tired face. "..I would've _never_ hurt you, Merlyn."

"You don't know that, Arthur. I did not know that." She wanted to believe that what she had remembered was still true and that she had not missed her chance.

"Do you actually think so little of me, Merlyn?" His voice was a bit choked, so Merlyn turned her head to see him and was shocked to see him looking almost vulnerable. The only times she had seen that look on him were the times when she had been hurt while protecting him. "I don't _care_ about the magic, I don't _care_ about you being an assassin or a bloody killer in the past, but I do care about you _lying_ to me!"

Throwing her arms in the air helplessly for the tenth time, Merlyn let out a desperate, pleading sound from her throat that sounded kind of like a gasp and the words 'bloody hell' mixed together, bringing her hands to her face then to rub it again as she mumbled, "how could I have known, Arthur?! You _never_ say anything, you just ask questions and then you practically just _forget_ it!"

"B-because _..!"_ He too was in a loss for words, as was she. The bad part about them both was that they rarely fought like this, usually they just kept quiet and avoided each other if something was bothering them, but they just could not do it with this. They had to talk, shout or punch the bloody soul out of each other to make sense of this.

A small commotion was heard them behind the chamber doors, but just as someone was trying to barge in, Merlyn spun around hissing _'cǽggian'_ and heard how Gwaine yelled something unintelligent as the door did not open. She did not bother to shout an explanation to him - Lancelot would handle it - and just turned around back to the prince,

"Arthur, I'm still the annoying bitch who beat you the first day I joined the ranks, I'm still the one who calls you fat every chance I get. Magic does not change who I am!" She was now glad she knew the silencing spell, so the men outside in the corridor were none the wiser that things were not going well inside the chambers. A desperate plan was already forming in her mind if the prince would not make his mind soon enough.

"But that's the thing, isn't it," grunted Arthur with his shoulders slumping as he visibly deflated under the pressure of the situation, "you are _not_ , not in my eyes." He clearly had had no idea how badly those words would affect Merlyn, but sure did find out just two seconds later as Merlyn heaved a heavy sigh and fell down on her knees, head falling forward to hide the tears of her heartbreaking hurt from him.

"Then kill me," she whispered, looking up under her hair that was hanging limply over her face to the shocked face above her. "Kill me. You have your sword, I-" trembling hands unbuckled her belt and soon it and her sword were flying across the room near the fireplace, "-I don't. I won't stop you, if you really think I'm evil and you don't want to see me anymore. _Kill me._ "

"You can't just expect me to suddenly think magic is not what I've grown up to believe it was! How can you be sure you are not just an exception?!"

She had no answer, so her head just fell back down, eyes moving to stare at Arthur's freshly polished boots that came so slowly closer to her. There was no need for her to speak anymore - what was there left to say? Merlyn could not give him the solution he needed - he already knew she could not stop, he knew why she was there, he had asked what she had done… now it was just about him making his mind. A strong pessimist as she was, the witch had a hard time to imagine a good future after this - though speaking the truth when Merlyn had said she did not believe Arthur would hurt her, there were still other means to hurt someone other than physical means. Banishment was bad, and even him not trusting her was enough.

"Get up, Merlyn. I mean it, get _up_. I am _not_ going to..."

"I know, Arthur. I know," Sighed Merlyn as the man crouched in front of her, looking up to his shining eyes that were now a lot closer to her than they had been since the morning she had woken up three weeks ago. The memory seemed so distant right now. "But now you know that you could if you wanted to. I would not stop you. I am so, _so_ sorry about lying and betraying you and-and _hurting_ you, but I was afraid. _"_

"What, of me?!" He snapped, his anger flaring up again though now it was more like a panic than aggression. Remembering how badly he had reacted when he had grabbed her under the influence of Sophia, Merlyn scrambled up hastily as Arthur backed away again

"Not that you'd hurt me, I was afraid you'd _hate_ me!" The witch hurried to explain, but had to pause when she saw the dark look in his eyes, it was like the light inside of him had dimmed, leaving behind just a shell of anger and hate behind. "…do you?"

"Right now, _yes_. Get out."

And she did… for a while.

 

***

 

The next evening before the sun went down, after all the trainings she did not attend, reports that were piled on her desk and other advisory duties were done, Merlyn squared her shoulders and walked back to her future king, ready to promise him that she'd leave his sight for good if he so wanted, but she'd never leave him completely. That she would wait weeks, months or, hell, even for a few _decades_ for him to trust her again, but Merlyn would _never_ truly stop protecting him and Camelot. It was a lot to promise, but what else was there to her anymore? All her friends were there and she knew Mordred would not stop attacking the kingdom even if she left.

Slightly nervously smoothing the wrinkles on her dark red tunic she had under her open vest, Merlyn stopped in front of Arthur's door. Inside, she heard muffled talking but was not sure who was there with the prince. Footsteps came closer to the door and, as a first class coward, Merlyn backed away to a shadowy corner of the hallway not far from the opening door.

"You're a _jerk_ , Arthur," the familiar voice of the princess reached Merlyn's ears and made the warrior grin a bit. Morgana loved to insults her brother every chance she got, and even though the word she used was nothing compared to the ones Merlyn had heard before, the tone of her voice was what made the witch almost laugh. "Why won't you tell me? I'm your _sister!"_

"It is none of your business, Morgana," Arthur's tired sigh came from inside the chambers, out of Merlyn's line of sight, "wherever Merlyn had been, if she wants you to know she'll tell you herself." _Oh, they're talking about me? That's… surprising,_ Merlyn drily thought and rolled her eyes a bit as she crouched down to hide better. No longer was she angry about them exchanging stories behind her back a while ago, but it seemed to be a regular thing these days.

Scoffing, Morgana threw her open, slightly tangled hair over her shoulder and crossed her arms over her chest, "do you _really_ think she'll tell? That woman has more secrets from all of us than the kingdom has from others." Her statement made Merlyn frown a bit - was Morgana angry at her? Her tone was heavily accusing, something the witch had never heard from her, not even when the princess and Merlyn had talked about Uther and his hatred for magic.

Arthur too seemed to be a bit shaken by the accusation, he now stepped forward so Merlyn could see his face - he looked almost angry at his sister, though his voice was carefully even, almost gentle, "what is going on with you, Morgana?"

"What do you mean?" The princess grumbled, moving her arms so her palms were now placed on her hips. "I can't be a bit angry that you seem to know a lot more about her than I do? I thought we were friends, me and her."

"I seem to remember you not even visiting her when she was recovering," Arthur pointed out and raised an eyebrow at the shorter girl as he leaned against the doorframe. "And she has had a lot to do since then."

"Yeah, right. _Whatever_ ," mumbled Morgana and waived a dismissive hand at her brother as she turned to leave. "It is not my place to visit people below me, I am still the princess of Camelot." With that, Morgana almost stomped away from Arthur, dark blue hem of her dress flowing behind her. Merlyn and Arthur both stood where they were, mouths hanging a bit open as they stared after the girl. Since when had Morgana cared about station? She was best friends with a _chambermaid_ , for god's sake!

Standing up again, Merlyn took a small step forward and leaned against the pillar she had been hiding behind. "Well, that was new," she stated, startling Arthur to spin around. He tensed when his eyes landed on hers, but Merlyn tried not to think about it too much. "Any idea what is going on with her?"

"No… but I'm sure she's fine," the prince sighed and pushed himself away from the doorframe, waiving a hand at the warrior to invite her in without another word. She didn't say anything either, just ducked her head down to avoid his eyes and walked past him inside his dining area.

The door clicked quietly shut behind them both as Merlyn walked to stand in front of the window Arthur usually brooded when he was in deep thought, and lost herself in one too as she watched the last servants leave the castle to their homes and the knights walking to their own rooms. _How am I supposed to start this?_ The witch thought, swallowing thickly and watched Lancelot and Leon who left for their patrol around the city walls. She had not even said anything to any of the men who knew about things, the only person who knew was Gaius and that had been too much already. The physician was the last family member she had left, and accordingly, Gaius had pleaded her not to leave. But as she had said to him, she had made up her mind - if Arthur wanted her gone, Merlyn would go.

A tall figure walked beside her to stand closer than he had for a long time. Their shoulders almost brushed together, but even with the small distance Merlyn could fell the nervous energy flowing in waves off of the prince and his warmth touch her tunic covered shoulder. She had to close her eyes for a second just to calm herself down and not blurt out her reason to be there just yet. Was it so wrong to try and linger for a bit longer?

A small clinking sound made her open her eyes, at first thinking Arthur had cuffs in his hands so he could arrest her but the sound was too delicate for chains. Frowning, the warrior looked to her left at the prince, mouth opening already to ask about the sound, but stopped in her tracks when her eyes landed on the object he was spinning in his hands - her necklace, the one that had been with her since she could remember, and thought she had lost ages ago. "I took this after the wraith had been defeated. I thought I had seen the sigil before, and wanted to be sure. I was going to bring it back right away, but…" he sighed heavily before handing the jewelry back to Merlyn, eyes trained on it. "It was your father's. He was a noble here in Camelot, but the records told that he had been executed for treason and meddling with magic."

As if fearing it would burn, Merlyn took the necklace slowly from the prince. "..so he _is_ dead then?"

"I don't know. It was said that he was killed before he even left the kingdom, but you were born long after that. At first I thought he might have given the necklace to someone he knew, but… when I went to Gaius about it, he panicked first but then said he was dead and I should let it go. I know a lie when I see one, usually at least," there was an added hint of anger in his voice when he spoke the last sentence, but Merlyn tried not to acknowledge it. She spun the delicate chain in her hands, staring at the silver dragon as the fading sunlight made it shine faintly and smiled a bit bitterly.

"If he wasn't then, I think he is now," she murmured and tucked the necklace in the pocket of her vest out of her sight. "If he is not, he might not even care about me or else he would at least try to find me… I don't even know his name."

"Your family is one of the most ancient Camelot has," the prince informed her quietly, lifting his eyes from the witch to the window again and clasped his hands together behind his back. "That makes you a noble, though I'm not sure father would be very _happy_ about hearing it, seeing as your father was close to the throne too."

"Like father, like daughter apparently," Merlyn snorted and shook her head a bit, missing the fleeting, saddened look Arthur gave her from the corner of his eye. Of course Arthur would use that as an additional excuse to get rid of her. What else did he know? That her mother was a murderer? She had a cousin that was a rapist? Did the prince really have to use her father, whom she had _never_ seen, as a reason to believe it was in her blood to be evil?

"His name was Balinor." The aggravated thoughts froze when Arthur spoke again. Balinor? That was no common name, that much Merlyn knew. Where had she… _oh, damn._ The sorcerer who had saved Leon when he was a child. That was _her father?!_ Her heart slowly began to beat a lot harder when she thought about what Leon had said - he had been saved and healed by a mystery magic-user named Balinor, who had not asked for anything in return, had pointed the young boy to the right direction and then left. Her father, an accused sorcerer had been close to the throne of Camelot, had been hunted down, but he still had the time to help a child. Perhaps… perhaps Merlyn's life was not as black and white as she had thought - maybe she was not doomed to darkness?

"Merlyn," the woman in question jumped sharply when Arthur spoke again and turned hastily to look at him. The prince was turned to her though he had stepped a bit back, eyes locked on her face now and expression almost.. sad? "I can't trust you." She practically felt the life ooze out of her as her shoulders slumped and eyed moved from his to the floor. Of course he could not.

"I won't get you arrested or banished," he continued. Merlyn looked up beneath her lashes, frowning slightly - was she not forced to leave? "But I need time to… to get to know you again. I don't hate you, I don't know why I said that before. Just… give me some time. I'm not asking you to leave, or do anything differently, but if I see anything wrong… I might change my mind."

Arthur did not look at her anymore, so it gave Merlyn a chance to try and read his emotions better. From the outside, he looked calm and collected but based on his voice and eyes… he was still hurt. Not that Merlyn could blame him, he had experienced so much betrayal and lying in such a short time that trying to trust again? It would be a challenge, even for the mighty warrior and prince he was. But Merlyn knew for a fact that she could make him see she was who he had gotten to know, that she was just _Merlyn._ Not any different with her magic or with her past, just her. The sarcastic bitch he had hated at first but slowly started to become friends with after that aforementioned bitch had gotten used to the people of Camelot. And then even had fallen in love with - a fact that Merlyn could not reveal she knew, not now. It would make things a lot worse than they were, if Arthur found out she knew.

But maybe someday?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter one (and boring one, not my favorite chapter obviously, but it fits our characters more. Merlyn is not the crying, all-i-can-do-is-beg type, you know?), I got a bit stuck with this one because it is actually quite hard to write anything original with the talk :D but next up; Arthur is trying to handle everything, and being an ass again. Surprising? Nah.
> 
> ætswígan = to keep silence  
> cǽggian = to lock
> 
> ATTENTION! Tell me what episodes you'd like to see me re-write from seasons 1-3, except Goblin's gold, the love potions ones (because really, this Merlyn would not be so helpless in those) or those which focus on Morgana's corruption!


	22. (Dis)trust

This time, the silence between Merlyn and Arthur was different than all the other times, mostly because it was like she did not mind. Sure, Merlyn did not speak to him and avoided his eyes a lot, but that was just about it. She still joked with the other knights, tried to spent time with Morgana whenever the princess was able or wanted to and worked hard during and after training. It baffled the prince to the point he had lowered himself to go speak with Lancelot and Gwaine when the two men had been patrolling the Lower Town a week after he had given the necklace back to the warrior. The two men had exchanged strange looks before telling Arthur that Merlyn was just happy she could stay in Camelot and continue her duties like before, and that she spent a lot of time with Gaius trying to ask about her father. From what they knew, the physician was slightly reluctant to open up about it and it had led to a few arguments between Merlyn and the old man.

Leon knew nothing more, and Arthur did not even bother to ask Morgana. The princess was truly acting a bit weirdly regarding to Merlyn, it was like the warrior had done something to make the girl mad at her but Arthur had a hard time figuring out what it was, mostly because Merlyn had not even seen the princess since before that brute Theo had appeared in the city and Morgana had not even visited the warrior after it. So why should she be angry? It was not like he could just go ask Merlyn, who knew if she'd even tell the truth? Well, she probably would but did she even know? Arthur had seen how confused she was too when the princess refused to let Merlyn in her chambers some days.

But one of the reasons Arthur was being distant, was so he could observe the warrior from the sidelines more. It was not in a creepy way, but just to see if she really didn't use her magic a lot. From what the men had said, she rarely needed to because most of the sorcerers or whatever opponents they had were so stupid and slow that a blade was enough. But when they were facing a magical creature, things were different - like now, exactly two weeks after Merlyn had come back.

It was supposed to be a routine patrol around the city, just to check if there were any bandits or whatnot lurking around, so it was only the so-called inner circle; Arthur, Merlyn and then Lancelot, Gwaine and Leon. Even before the revelation of Merlyn and the people who knew about her, the same group was always going on patrols together. It was not that they did not like the others - well, except Nicholas, Gwaine was the only one who liked him - but the five of them had grown so close because of both personal and professional connections. Arthur and Leon had known each other since they were children, and Merlyn and Lancelot were their 'advisors'. Then there was Gwaine, who was like a brother to Merlyn and would probably throw a tantrum if they did not take him too. And there was nothing wrong with the almost-drunk now that he had calmed down a bit. Though _nothing_ stopped his jokes.

"So… you're telling me, that Balinor, your father who was running from Camelot for his life," Leon slowly re-traced everything Merlyn had just explained to him, "was the same Balinor who saved me?" Merlyn had been nodding to each point he said, flashing a small smile to him over her shoulder as the knight was a bit behind her. Arthur was there too, riding beside Merlyn and listened to everything they talked about but did not want to join the conversation. Apparently being saved by a magic-user in the past had been the reason Arthur's second in command had taken the revelation of Merlyn's magic so well - because he had seen it used for good before.

"Exactly, if he really is my father I mean. Gaius still is not talking about him, so I have really no way to know," she murmured a bit bitterly when she mentioned the physician. "It makes no sense! Why can't he just tell me who my father is, or _was_ for that matter. It's not like I'm about to snap if I hear something about him." _Are you sure?_ The prince found himself thinking, shocked to the core after realizing how little he actually trusted her right now - could she really turn against the kingdom  if it was true that her father had been banished, or killed, because of magic? Was Merlyn like that?

"Hey. _Hey_ , Merlyn!" Gwaine shouted from a bit behind Leon where he was riding with Lancelot. Glancing at the warrior from the corner of his eye, he saw her roll her eyes and sigh, already aware what was about to happen, but forced a sweet smile on her face as she turned in her saddle. Arthur was still wondering, where the hell had Saewig appeared from since she had walked to the city, but already three days after that her horse was in the stables like it had never left.

" _Yes_ , Gwaine?" She called back and slowed down slightly so the knight could catch up. Arthur turned his head so he could hear better - not that he enjoyed Gwaine's jokes, not at all… well, maybe he was sometimes a bit entertaining. Maybe.

Heavy hoof beats came closer and soon he heard the man fumble with something before speaking. "So, tell me, could you turn this into something more… for my taste with your _talents?"_ Arthur could hear the grin in his voice and at some other time, it could've brought a smile on his face too, but the only thing he could do was to grimace - _talents._ It was not surprising that Gwaine would not tiptoe around Arthur with the subject of Merlyn's magic, but it made it no easier.

Apparently Merlyn was sort of on the same page, because Arthur heard her grumble heatedly about useless drunks and then something was thrown to the bushes on their left, probably Gwaine's waterskin. "Stop asking me that, you moron," she hissed as a telltale sound of a slap against the back of a man's head reached the prince's ears - now he smiled as he listened to Gwaine's childish whimpering. "I'm not some sort of a trickster, I don't turn water into wine just so you can get your _buzz_ on."

"But _Merlyyyyn,_ " a high-pitched whine that did not fit the image of a rogue fighter came the same time a stifled snicker sounded a bit further away, probably from Lancelot. "I'm _bored!_ Nothing's happening, I don't get why we can't just-" He was cut off when a deafening screech came from the woods not too far from them. Arthur called a halt and dropped from his horse, hand already going to his sword.

"You just _had_ to say it, didn't you?" Lancelot's annoyed grunt sounded with an agreeing hum from Merlyn. Gwaine did not even have the courtesy to look apologetic, he just grinned excitedly as they all dismounted and drew their weapons quietly, quickly following the prince from the road to the woods. Though no growling was heard anymore, they followed the route of destruction swiftly.

A tiny figure appeared to Arthur's right when he was about to go through a thick line of trees, stopping him from going first with a hand on his elbow. She saw him tense at the touch and withdrew it quickly, but did not budge. "Stay behind," whispered Merlyn and gave him a stern look, waiving to the other men to spread out before stepping past the prince without waiting for an answer. And it was a good thing she did, if he was honest with himself - the creature they came face to face after going through the low hanging branches wasn't really something Arthur could've faced with only his blade. They had faced a few griffins before, but this one was a lot bigger and looked a lot more vicious with the dried blood around its beak and on the grey and black feathers on the eagle-like head. The front claws were gripping the soil as it screeched at them, head turning wildly around to locate the other three - Leon was on its left loading his bow, Gwaine behind it lighting a torch and Lancelot on the right with his sword up and ready, all frowning in deep concentration.

"Hey, you! _Birdface_!" Shouted Gwaine from behind the creature, trying to get its attention. When the griffin turned, Merlyn shoved Arthur closer to Leon and drew her blade too. The griffin opened up its wings, spreading them so wide they almost knocked Arthur and his second in command off their feet, but it did not even notice as it's black eyes were trained on Gwaine, who was waving the torch in the air. "Come here, you ugly fucker!" As commanded, the griffin let out another screech and rose to its hind legs, clawing the air furiously before jumping to the up to fly. It only rose maybe twenty feet to the air before ducking down at Gwaine, who barely managed to jump and roll out of its way.

An arrow flew at the griffin then from Leon's direction, hitting the thing on the side. For a second, Arthur though Leon had missed, but then the knight yelled and shot another one to get its attention away from Gwaine. "Lance, be ready!" Arthur heard Merlyn shout the same time he had to jump to the side when the griffin flew at him and Leon. A pained shout left the knight's mouth when the claws slashed Leon's shoulder, but he did not give the bow up. Arthur had to almost rip it from him when he saw how Leon's injured arm shook so violently he could barely hold the bow up.

Turning to face the beast, he loaded it as quickly as he could, sending it flying straight at the head of the thing - but it only bounced off. He remembered that the last times it had been a sword that was able to kill it, so he threw the bow to the side. But before he could even take a step closer with his blade in the air, he noticed Merlyn uncharacteristically standing on the sidelines, away from the fighting. She did not even have her sword, the only thing she was doing was stare at Lancelot, just about to get attacked by the griffin. _"Merlyn!"_ Arthur bellowed, she was closer to Lancelot and the griffin, she was supposed to _help_ and not stand on the side just _watching_. What was she doing?!

A bright blue flash caught Arthur's attention, he turned to the griffin just in time to see Lancelot's sword engulfed in blue flames before the beast ducked down at the man. It got Lancelot to the ground under it, but the sound that came after was not a man screaming in agony - it was the griffin screeching and trashing in pain as if trying to get away from something. That's when he noticed the way Merlyn had her arm raised to Lancelot's direction, and it all clicked in his mind - it was never _just_ a sword that had killed the griffins before.

The humongous beast rolled limply to the side just few second later, and it was followed by a merry hoot from Gwaine, still lying on the ground not far from the carcass. Even Leon let out an almost frantic laugh while Lancelot was trying to shout under one of the legs of the griffin for someone to help him out. It was Merlyn who jogged closer, grinning sheepishly at her friend when she managed to drag the heavy limb off of him and offered a hand to help him up. "Your timing needs a bit more practice, Merlyn," the disgruntled advisor huffed when Merlyn pulled him to his feet and brushed the dirt from his clothes away.

"You need a longer sword if you want me to do it sooner," she retorted with one of her dark eyebrows raised, snorting when Lancelot answered with a light shove to her shoulder. The two knights both got up from the ground by themselves, congratulating the warriors of their success. Both were repeatedly glancing at the prince standing at the same spot, lifelessly staring at the little group chuckle so freely about the blatant use of magic they had seen, though for them it was normal by now apparently. For him it was not, it was still frightening, wrong, _ugly._ Merlyn turned to look at him when she had checked Leon's shoulder, giving the prince a once over from afar to see if he was injured. Seeing nothing wrong, the witch offered him a small smile and raised her brows as if expecting some sort of a reaction.

Gritting his teeth, Arthur stubbornly gave her none, just turned and marched to their horses ready to leave already.

 

***

 

A year ago, Arthur would've never though his life would be like this. A year ago, his father's rants about magic were something he could just tune out as he had already heard them so many times before, and believed with all his being. A year ago, he had no rush to find love and the idea of being a king one day seemed so distant he did not even bother to learn his servant's name, as he would not need to be a respected person just yet so being nice to servants was not important. The only thing that had mattered to him then, had been his father's approval, the knights and maintaining the reputation of the best warrior in the Five Kingdoms.

A year ago, his father appointed an advisor for him and his life turned completely around.

It had not been the nicest change at first, mostly because his ego had practically been shattered into million pieces when the deceitfully tiny, strong dark-haired young woman had beaten him with almost no trouble with her unique style after vaguely, but _obviously_ insulting him. After that, he had not been able to think of it as a joke or a fleeting thing, the woman had seemed to be there permanently. But then… it had gotten better. Slowly though. He had gotten to know her better between the snippets of information she had given and seeing her fight - one could really understand someone better with just their way of using weapons if they were not talking, and with Merlyn it had been clear that she was struggling with something and had to get her anger and frustration out by physical means. Little did he know that what struggles she had would be the things that would make him fall for her completely.

But that was before the last secret that had almost literally exploded in his face - _magic_. That was _a lot_ harder to digest, and he was not sure he could ever be completely fine with it. It was a different thing to hear all the things Merlyn had done when compared to actually seeing it in person; the griffin had been just the start.

The thing Arthur always had know about magic, had been the fact that it could do practically anything if the person was strong and skilled enough, even when he had only seen it used to harm. One advantage having a witch close by was that he now saw the other side of the powers - the almost _mundane_ side. It was one thing to see Merlyn protect others or use it to fight when it looked like they were outnumbered - it was amazing that he had not seen the way she helped the knights when they were ambushed by bandits or beasts or whatever else there was - but to see her actually use it for… _tying her hair?_ Yes, _really_. After a particularly nasty training session that had left all the men and even Merlyn extremely tired and dirty, Arthur noticed how Merlyn looked carefully around for anyone looking at her - and actually used magic to _braid her hair_ again after it had gotten loose. The prince was so surprised about it, as the memory of her telling that she was best with destructive magic and fighting with it was so strongly in his mind, that he had frozen in place with his mouth hanging open. Only the quiet snort coming from Lancelot from Arthur's left had made him snap his mouth shut.

Since then, he saw a lot more during the next two weeks - one day there was a hole in her jacket and the next morning it was like it had never been there, dirt from her trousers vanished without her even moving or when the meat she was responsible for roasting was always perfectly cooked within half of the time it would normally need. And for actual _pranks_ , for crying out loud. One day, when they were camping during a two-day patrol, Arthur had noticed Merlyn and Lancelot whisper to each other with huge grins on their faces on the other side of the fire. They were staring at Gwaine who was reclined against his saddlebag, half-asleep and hugging his waterskin, though it was undoubtedly filled with either mead or wine rather than water these days and soon, as silently as she could, Merlyn pointed a finger at the skin and whispered a word Arthur did not understand. And he only understood what it did after almost an hour, when Gwaine woke up and was about to take a sip of the skin - but nothing came out.

"Hey! Who the bloody hell drank all my win… eh, _water?!_ " The knight yelled when the others were packing up the camp. It was astonishing how well Merlyn and Lancelot could keep their faces straight as they watched Gwaine's pointed finger roam over them all.

"Are you sure it's empty?" The warrior innocently asked and just smiled innocently when Gwaine narrowed his eyes at her, gingerly lifting the skin back to his lips. When nothing still came out, he brought it all the way upside down over his wide open mouth - just to have everything it still had left inside pour over his face and probably even in his nose, leaving him spluttering and cursing at Merlyn and Lancelot who were laughing loudly at the wine-soaked knight, ignoring the confused looks Nicholas and Hugo gave them. None of them noticed how Arthur had to fight off the smile that threatened to rise on his lips.

 

***

 

When the air started to get colder again at the middle of September, Arthur went on his quest. It was supposed to be his to do alone, but did anyone listen to his or the king's orders anymore these days? _No,_ and it showed when Merlyn and Gwaine, the most insolent people working in Camelot, had appeared in his line of sight as he opened his eyes after collapsing in the heat, right at the root of the Fisher King's castle. Faintly, he had heard some sort of screeching not far from them but he was more focused on how much better he felt as he opened his eyes. The whole way to that point, he had felt so weak it was like his strength was slowly draining from him, but when the two appeared, the feeling went away - as if by magic.

"You did not use magic on me when you found me, right?" Arthur asked suddenly from the warrior sitting on the other side of his desk, looking through the reports before Arthur signed them three days after they had come back from the Perilous Lands. She hummed absentmindedly but did not look up until Arthur called her name. "Did you use _magic_ on me?"

She frowned a bit, but slowly shook her head and put the parchment down to the desk before leaning against the backrest of her seat. "No, I did not. I know you would not want that, so I try to save my insolence to a life-and-death situation. Why?" She inquired, eyes following the slow movements of him twirling the trident between his hands. His father had been pleasantly surprised that Arthur had found it, not even suspecting that Merlyn and Gwaine had followed the prince to his quest. Apparently they had left the castle a day after the prince with Leon and Lancelot to 'a patrol' that was actually a ruse to get them out. Leon and Lancelot had been waiting by the route back to Camelot when Arthur, Merlyn and Gwaine had rode back.

Placing the trident on the reports, he crossed his arms on his chest and raised a brow at the warrior. "Are you sure? Because I remember feeling like I was about to die, and then you two show up and I'm _magically_ feeling a lot better," he explained drily, expecting even a sheepish grin from her - but was actually slightly shocked when Merlyn actually laughed at him.

"Oh, right," she chuckled, shaking her head a bit. "The bracelet you had on, it was the Eye of the Phoenix and it was draining your life-force while you wore it. That was actually the reason I wanted to go after you…" Merlyn noticed the questioning look Arthur was giving her, and grunted silently, "I can sense magic on objects too. People, objects, places… _anyway_ , where did you even get it? I've never seen it, and you are not really a type who locks his jewelry somewhere safe."

"It was a gift, Merlyn," grumbled the prince, rolling his eyes when the young woman flashed an innocent grin to him. "I got it from… uh, from…" Who? Why was his mind blanking out when he tried to think about it? Frowning deeper now, Arthur leaned a bit forward and tilted his head to hide the confused look on his face - he remembered exactly _when_ he got it and that it was presented in a simple, dark brown wooden bow with a dark red fabric lining the inside of it, but… he could not remember the owner of the hands holding the box.

A bit frantic, the prince glanced at the warrior from under his lashes just to see the almost resigned expression on her face. "I'm not that surprised," she explained with a heavy sigh, her shoulders drooping a bit. "It's possible Mordred was behind it. He could have used a spell to remove the memory of whoever gave the Eye to you, it would not leave any trace on you for me to notice even if he did not try to hide it."

"Of course it is him," mumbled the prince a bit too heatedly, rubbing his face tiredly, "just when I thought the surprises and freaky things would stop." Realizing that his words sounded a bit too bitter, Arthur peeked through his fingers just in time to see Merlyn's face fall slightly and how she lowered her eyes from the prince to her hands resting on her lap, fiddling with the hem of the purple tunic she had worn on her first day in Camelot.

But before he could even open his mouth to mutter some sort of an apology, Merlyn looked up and grinned weakly, "I deserve that, don't worry. Just know that I'm still sorry." He should not feel sorry for saying that, but he did. With all the secrets, being around the warrior was more than difficult, but because of their duties they had to spend time alone at least twice a week just to get all the documents and reports ready. When she had been appointed to his advisor, her duties had been only about training and other physical things, but Merlyn had proven to be quite intelligent so she had offered her help with the paperwork too. "…at the bridge talk to you?"

"Hm?" Arthur missed half of her question as he had been mostly drowning with his memories of 'the better days' before all secrets of Merlyn had been discovered. He was not sure if he had liked that better..

"That man on the bridge, did he talk to you?" She repeated slowly, like talking to a slow-witted person. The prince pulled a face when he remembered who she was talking about; Grettir. Arthur was not sure if it had been his weakened state or reluctance to admit everything in his life was turned upside down now, but he had been a bit idiotic when the dwarf had mentioned that the prince needed magic on his quest - he had denied needing it, saying he did not condone the use of magic. But of course Grettir had been right, without Merlyn appearing there he would have been wyvern dinner - the witch had created some sort of shield around him, Gwaine and herself so they would be safe. "He called me Magic and Gwaine Strength… and when we left he pulled me briefly to the side and spoke something about a _Brotherhood_ coming together. I'm not sure what he meant since he disappeared before I could ask-" her voice took a slightly annoyed tone as she combed her open hair with her fingers, "- so we'll just have to wait and see if it is a good thing or not."

"Does not sound like a good thing, to be honest.." Arthur mumbled, watching how she shifted a bit uncomfortably in her seat but did not answer, eyes moving to stare blankly at the window behind Arthur's back. She could not see anything but the slowly darkening September sky through it from where she was sitting, but it seemed to be interesting enough to make her forget Arthur was still there. Not that he minded, it gave him a chance to observe her a bit better than during the last month since she had come back from wherever she had been. Merlyn still looked the same, there were no warts on her pale skin or rotting starting in her teeth nibbling her plumb lower lip, no sign of gold in her big, dark azure eyes or even horns growing from her head through the full, pitch-black hair falling in huge natural curls around her face. The only thing he noticed about her face now that she did not notice him watching, were the dark circles under her eyes from sleepless nights and it made Arthur wonder if her good mood during the days was an act. With the purple long-sleeved tunic she had her grey leggings' on instead of the leather trousers this time, accompanied by brown boots and a black corset since there was no training anymore for that day. All in all… she still looked like _Merlyn._ Not a witch, not an assassin… maybe what she said about her still being the same person was true?

Arthur was briefly immersed with his thoughts, but surprisingly they were not even about Merlyn in particular, or about the quest; he thought about the absurdity of what his life was now, in general. Former assassins working as trusted advisors for the kingdom, a witch powerful enough to scare even a High Priestess living in a kingdom hunting down magic-users and sitting on the other side of his desk when logically she should be trying to murder him right about now, an ex-rogue who was still mostly a drunk being one of the best, hard-working knights he had ever seen _and_ a giant, fire-breathing, cryptically talking lizard chained under the castle spouting nonsense to people who visited. What was normal anymore?

Not this world, that was for sure.

"Are you all right?" He blurted out without thinking, making the warrior startle from whatever that had been on her mind. She frowned in confusion and almost made Arthur snort when she gave herself a quick once over to see it there was something on her that made the prince ask. "You look tired, that's all."

"Oh," she breathed out, shrugging with a small smile, "nightmares again. Nothing to worry about."

A knock on the chamber door startled both of them so Arthur did not have a chance to ask more. In unison, they spun around to face the door, and got Gwaine to snicker. "Well, look at you two all synchronized and stuff," he hummed and leaned against the archway leading from Arthur's dining are to his bedchambers, smoothing out the few wrinkles he had on his dark tunic. "Came to ask you for a nightcap to the barracks, Lance, Percy and Leon are coming too, _and_ if I understood correctly-" a wicked grin spread to Gwaine's lips as he locked eyes with Merlyn, "- we get to see sweet lil' Lancelot all sweaty since Lady Guinevere's brother is back in town and apparently joining us tonight. Should be a lot of fun. Interested?" Just two weeks earlier Merlyn and Leon had seen Lancelot and Gwen walking side by side in the Lower Town with furious blushes on their cheeks, and being the subtle woman she was, Merlyn had practically ran over and demanded what was going on. From what Arthur had heard the next day as he stayed behind after training, both Leon and Merlyn received quite a long, brutal lecture from the other former assassin about personal space and privacy when one clearly saw it was not a good time to interrupt, but had after that nervously admitted that he and Gwen had been spending a lot of time together. The prince was happy that the two had grown closer, though he was still not sure if Guinevere knew anything about Lancelot's past. He hoped she did - secrets could kill relationships.

A wide grin spread to Merlyn's face, turning to the prince now. "I'm in. I never miss out when I get a chance to tell embarrassing stories about Lance," she announced and got up from the chair almost giddy with excitement. It had been a while since Arthur had joined his knights to the tavern, but never had he heard that the four had some sort of gatherings in the knights' barracks. It made him feel slightly left out, though there must have been a good reason for it.

"You really should consider joining, princeling," the knight told Arthur who was straightening in his seat a bit. Gwaine focused on Merlyn though, who was already practically skipping effortlessly to the door, dark curls bouncing wildly behind her. "Things get _interesting_ when this one is among better friends with some strong wine Leon brings from his family estate." Gwaine gestured at the warrior with his thumb, earning a warning look from her because of it which made Arthur even more confused.

"What..?"

Merlyn looked like she wanted the earth to swallow her right then as she stomped closer to Gwaine, grabbed his forearm and pulled him to the door so violently that he was just barely able to stay up. "I told you not to mention it," Arthur heard Merlyn grumble before she flashed a small, unsure smile to his direction, shoving the disgruntled knight ahead to the door. "I, uh… when there's just me and the boys, I tend to drink a bit too much and then… well, _magical_ things happen."

"Oh," was the only thing he could breath out as he slumped back down, reluctant to admit he had been quite excited to go with them before he heard that. It was not yet completely comfortable to even think about her and magic in the same thought, and even when she clearly hinted that nothing would happen now that an outsider would be there, he was not sure if he wanted to try his luck. "You go, I'll finish these," he mumbled with a wave of his hand as Gwaine left the chambers, but Merlyn stayed hesitantly by the door. But the only thing she did was to quietly bid Arthur goodnight before disappearing after the knight. Arthur heard them bicker in the corridor for a while after they left, and was pretty sure that the topic of their argument was him. The others were almost used to Arthur not trusting Merlyn yet, but Gwaine was a totally different thing. The man almost forcefully spoke about magic every chance he got, like he was trying brainwash the prince into suddenly believing it was a _natural_ thing.

Sighing heavily at his own stubbornness, Arthur pulled the documents Merlyn had been going through in front of him, and tried hard to focus on the neat handwriting he had gotten so used to over the last year. But as expected, he could not focus on anything other than the thought, _why can't I just believe her?_ Arthur had seen no signs of her lying about anything anymore or being _evil_ for that matter, she only forgot sometimes that the prince was not so used to everything so she had to explain what she did when he was shocked or way too confused. Sure, he was still a bit upset about her lying, but could he _really_ blame her? Here he was, after over month and a half, wondering if he could even believe anything Merlyn said and grumbling in his mind about the evils of magic, and then at the same time he stayed mad at her for not revealing her powers before? The things his father had been teaching him since he could remember were too tightly intertwined with his very being that it was difficult to get over them. It was not that he did not think Merlyn was a good person now, but it was hard for him to understand that there could be others.

 

***

 

The open tournament was a strange thing to experience. The biggest surprise was not the fact that his father wanted to participate after Morgana talked him into it, but the fact that the king fought against someone else in the final was. Arthur had fought his father before the final and had seen that the king was still a strong fighter, but that the prince was better - but he could not embarrass him. So, Arthur had let his father win and watched later how he fought the boy who had been a surprise to everyone. Even the knights had been impressed seeing his skills - someone so young and fairly normal looking being a skilled swordsman was not something one saw every day. But the only one not impressed by him had been Merlyn. It was not that she did not think he was good with a sword, as she did complement the boy and even visited him during the tournament before the final, but it was clear something about the boy was bothering her.

As it turned out, the thing bothering her had been magic the boy had used to last longer against everyone. Arthur had been shocked to find out, and was about to cancel the final because he knew his father would fight against him - and when had a magic-user gone head-to-head with the king without an agenda to kill him? But then, something in Merlyn's eyes when she had tried to convince him to let the tournament go on had stopped him. It could've been the way she stared at him with those almost shining, pleading eyes, or the fact that she promised to make sure the boy's magic would not work - but he let the tournament continue. For Arthur, it was half of watching his father fight and win and half of observing Merlyn standing between Leon and Gwaine on the other side of the arena. From that far, he could not see the gold in her eyes but if the way she followed the boy's movements told him anything, it was that she kept her promise.

The other surprise had been a young man, maybe a few years older than Arthur. He did not make it as far as Arthur and the mystery boy, but he was very skilled - and what was more impressive was that he was a blacksmith's son, a maid's brother, a rogue traveler and he beat _Lancelot_. At first Arthur thought that the former assassin had let Gwen's brother, Elyan, win but Merlyn informed that it was not like that - Elyan really was that good. She had seen the man spar for fun with Gwaine and Leon a few days before the tournament, though he had not shown as much skill as he did now so apparently he had been holding back. The prince had to admit that it was a smart move, more so after seeing Lancelot's shocked face when he had tried to congratulate the winner.

Later that same day, Arthur joined his father and Morgana for dinner. It had been a while since they had all been there together, since Morgana had preferred to be holed up in her room alone or only with Gwen but now she had herself invited the men in the dining hall to celebrate their father's victory. "I thought the boy was going to kill me," the king huffed after Morgana had given him a tight hug and escorted the slightly tense king to his place at the head of the long table. The older man seemed to be a bit sore from the tournament, but hid it surprisingly well.

Morgana on the other hand could not hide the strange tightness in her voice as she answered, "so did I." The prince gave her a questioning look, but she just flashed a sweet, if a bit forced smile and moved to her own chair on the left side to their father, opposite to Arthur.

But the king was not finished, soon his almost smug voice rang in the dining hall again, "but then suddenly, the old fighting spirit kicked in. I dug deep, found my strength, and the whole thing just began to _flow_. I felt at one with the sword." The image of a strong fighter broke slightly when he grunted in pain when he lowered himself down to his seat - Arthur had to bite his tongue not to mention about it as he too sat down, and saw how Morgana too fought a grin off her lips before Uther noticed.

Forcing her face straight, Morgana placed her hand on their father's and smiled wide. "And now you're champion once again," the princess mused, mirth filled eyes turning to her brother as she patted Uther's hand, "and maybe you can give Arthur some _lessons_." Rolling his eyes, Arthur did not give the girl the satisfaction of an argument. He did not regret letting his father win, not even with the annoying remarks Morgana and, not surprisingly, Gwaine had been giving since the tournament. It would do no good if the king of Camelot lost a fight even to his son. The citizens saw their king as a strong figure, unbeatable warrior who even in his older age was fit enough to lead the kingdom in war too if it came to it.

The smiling king did not seem to think like his daughter, "it is I who learned a great deal from our fight. He's a far better warrior than you think, and I think it is Arthur who should've claimed the prize." Both of his children frowned in confusion at his words, though Morgana seemed more aggravated than bewildered like Arthur was.

"But sadly he wasn't good enough," Morgana noted, glancing at Arthur from the corner of her eye as the prince brought his goblet to his lips to hide the way he was gritting his teeth. What was going on with the princess? She had always been extremely sarcastic and gloated a lot about things, but never had she pressed so much about one of Arthur's failings.

"Because he threw the fight," Uther answered and made Arthur almost choked in his wine. The way he said it was so nonchalant that Arthur was momentarily convinced that the king had lost his mind. "That I might save my face."

Still spluttering his wine out of the wrong pipe, the prince coughed, _"you knew?"_ He could practically feel the heated glare Morgana was giving him, but Arthur's eyes were locked on the king's emerald ones, watching how he smiled slightly and nodded.

"I have followed your progress with a sword since you were a boy, I know your abilities better than anyone," announced the king, voice thickly laced with the same pride that shone brightly in his eyes, "I am eternally grateful. I hope that, when you are King and have sons of your own, that they will afford you the same honor. Indeed, the most satisfying outcome of the tournament was that Arthur's actions have shown me that he is now _truly_ ready to be King."

Now feeling a lot better about throwing the fight away, Arthur thanked his father for the praise and then they all dug into their food. Arthur did not speak during the rest of the meal, he only listened the others talk about the renovations in the Lower Town to help some of the poorer citizens keep warm during the winter that was coming closer, so he was quite confused when he was about to leave to retire for the night, Morgana abruptly stopped their conversation to ask, "are you leaving so soon, Arthur?" Huffing a bit at her, Arthur stepped to the side so he could push his seat under the table.

"I am, it is not that you even need me to continue your conversation. I did tell you I have to be up early to prepare for the patrol," he answered, bowing slightly to his father who nodded as an approval for his leave. They had not paid any attention to Arthur during the whole dinner, so the prince was a bit baffled how Morgana even noticed that he was leaving as it seemed that talking about building new houses had been interesting enough. "Goodnight, father. Morgana." The princess pursed her lips together, looking slightly miserable because he was leaving but waived a hand to her brother before he turned on his heels and marched out of the dining hall doors.

It was true that he wanted to get a goodnight's sleep so he'd be well-rested the next day when they were going to leave for a four day patrol, but the main reason he left so early was to go talk to Merlyn about that boy. The warrior had promised him that the boy would not do anything and explained that he had been just momentarily engulfed with the idea of honor and acknowledgement from the royals and knights, but had realized that killing someone was not worth it and then just left, peacefully. The boy, Gilli was his name if the prince remembered correctly, was the only other peaceful magic-user Arthur had ever seen or heard of so he needed to know more about him. And others. And about magic generally, really.

Giving the rushing Margaret a small, tight nod at the top of the staircase, Arthur turned the corner to the familiar corridor and a bit absentmindedly walked to Merlyn's door. It was a bit ajar so he carefully knocked before pushing it open more with her name already on his lips, but stopped abruptly when the torches flaming in the corridor lit the door better. First he noticed that the room was empty, and he knew for a fact that Merlyn always closed the door when she left and Margaret - as shifty and untrustworthy as she was - would always close it, no matter what. But the reason the prince's heart skipped a few beats before starting to beat painfully fast were the signs of struggle clearly visible everywhere - the bedclothes were crumbled on the floor, three of the four chairs were lying all over the room and one of them was in pieces, the dining table was pushed sloppily against the wall and… blood. Not much, but it was still there, few droplets on the wall and a small, smeared pool below it on the floor.

 _"Guards!"_ Bellowed the prince, sword already being drawn from its sheath and quick feet taking him back to the corridor, eyes roaming all over. His heart sunk when he saw a small glimpse of red peeking out of one of the alcoves on the far end of the hallway - two dead guards who had been probably situated on Arthur's door stuffed without care into hiding, blood still oozing from the other's chest while the other's neck was twisted unnaturally almost completely around. "Gua-!" He cut himself off when he heard a loud _thump_ coming from somewhere not too far away. Grunting, the prince took off to the direction of the noise, trying to listen for more. Muffled cursing was faintly heard when he reached the end of the corridor where the dead guards were, followed by another thump and a louder shout - the servants' staircase!

Arthur moved silently to the hidden door at the corner, pressing his ear against it to hear more. The silent footsteps and clear sounds of someone struggling violently moved from the direction of Merlyn's chambers towards him. He had not used the servants' stairwell often, but knew that right where the door was, were stairs leading all the way down to a door that was supposed to be locked all the time and only used by a few servants who had to come early and leave late - including Margaret. Not wanting to waste any more time, the prince braced himself and when the sounds were almost at the door, he slammed it open using his shoulder and ended up in the narrow corridor in front of four people - two men and two women, all dressed in black and grey but only one of them familiar to the prince and being held by a man and the other woman.

A flash of steel came at him immediately when he appeared in their line of sight, but his fast reflexes made it possible for him to parry the attack. Their blades stopped over their heads, bringing Arthur face to face with the only one not holding the struggling, cursing Merlyn. The man was a bit taller than Arthur was, but a lot thinner though he was clearly strong and was able to twist his blade around and push the prince backwards against the open door. Arthur hit it with a loud grunt, but was moving back at him only a few seconds later, swiping at his middle section. The man jumped to the side but attacked Arthur from the left in the same movement, stepping into the light coming from the corridor now. That's when Arthur saw him better; extremely pale skin, almost as pale as Merlyn's, dark curly hair framing messily his boyish face and the palest eyes Arthur had ever seen glaring murderously at the prince when he managed to parry his attack and swipe at the man's head now. If he had not made the connection before, he did now - the unknown man dropped down and swiped his right leg at Arthur's feet in an attempt to make him fall, but the prince was so used to the move he just jumped over it and stabbed down at his head. It was not an uncommon move, but the way it was done was so familiar that it did not take much time for Arthur to figure out this must be one of the assassins Merlyn had worked with.

"Get her _out!"_ The man hissed at the two others when he forced Arthur back again, clearly getting frustrated when he figured out Arthur was not such an easy opponent. Years and years of training to become the perfect knight and then improving even more after Merlyn had joined made the prince quite hard to get rid of - the only thing was that he was not expecting the mystery man's eyes to flash gold and a huge blast of invisible power throw him backwards in the air. With the hand on her mouth, Merlyn's furious scream was muffled but the effect was the same - the people holding her in place had to use all their strength when Arthur hit the wall, because the warrior was now putting on a huge fight. She trashed, twisted and kicked the air when they tried to lift her off the ground to carry her the rest of the way.

Slightly dazed from the impact, Arthur only faintly heard a voice from above as the unknown man walked over him, "not such a great warrior as you thought, Merlyn-dear… _shame_." The man did not sound angry, not amused - not _anything_. His voice was void of emotions, but the way he said the warrior's name sounded like talking to a lover. The icy eyes of the assailant came into focus now when Arthur looked up from where he was halfway on the ground, the man was looming over him with the tip of his sword hovering just above Arthur's heart. The smirk on his face made the prince's blood turn to ice when it was combined with the golden sheen covering the grey of his eyes - and the way he seemed to get some sort of sick pleasure of the situation. But before he could say anything more, as he clearly was about to, the prince brought his foot up so quick that the assassin had no time to react and kicked at his abdomen as hard as he could. Because of the surprise, he stumbled backwards and hit the others so hard that woman's grip of Merlyn got loose, and the warrior took a chance - a frightening growl left Merlyn's throat and just three second later when Arthur too was up, Merlyn had already removed a dagger from the silent man's belt and plunged it to the blonde woman's chest, now using the man's grip as leverage to jump up and swing her legs around his neck, her upper body twisting down and flinging the man on the ground and making him hit his head so hard he fell unconscious almost immediately.

"A _mistake_ , Mordred," Arthur heard Merlyn hiss when she rolled up from the ground, pulling the sword from the fallen man's belt, "you know better than to make them with me. I am not as invisible here as you thought." She circled near the wall closer to Arthur and stopped a bit in front of the prince, her wide, angry blue eyes locked on the man - _Mordred._ The assassin in front of them bared his teeth, now showing the first sign of any emotions, though rage was not really something Arthur hoped to see. The gold flickered in his eyes, but it looked like he was unsure if he should do anything and his whole frame was trembling - for a second, his and Arthur's eyes met and the prince was certain that he was about to do something painful, the anger was so strong it practically burned its way through Arthur's soul.

But then, the eyes flung back to Merlyn as the smirk came back. "I will get you, my dear, just wait and see." Before either of them could say or do anything, another blast threw them both back and the man disappeared in the shadowy staircase behind him. This time Arthur did not hit the wall though, he hit something almost _soft -_ it took him a second to realize it was Merlyn and her bright golden eyes that made that happen. He wondered briefly why the warrior kept the secret of her magic so tightly from Mordred, but he was sure she had a very good reason for that, though what it was? He was not sure if Merlyn could even answer that.

Because of the softer landing, he got up to his feet faster this time. "Are you all right?" He heard Merlyn ask, though she did not look at him. Her focus was on the two figures lying on the ground - the blonde woman was still bleeding heavily but she was clearly dead already, and the man was twitching slightly. He would probably wake up soon enough, so they would have to haul him to the dungeons quickly.

"I'm fine," Arthur mumbled, frowning now that he actually got a good look at Merlyn without the people holding her in place. She was wearing her leggings' and black tunic with no corset of vest, so they had probably tried to snatch her as she had been getting ready for bed. She had a cut on her right arm that was not bleeding anymore and a faint bruise visible on her jaw, but other than that the warrior was alive and well. Since finding Merlyn's room in that condition, Arthur had felt a painful tension in almost every muscle he had but it slid away so fast he actually felt lightheaded a moment - clearly the fondness and constant worry he felt for Merlyn did not go anywhere even with knowing about her magic, and that was surprisingly odd for Arthur. Was he really so stubborn that he could not give himself permission to be worried about her anymore?

Merlyn did not say anything after his answer, she was more interested in the fact that the man she had knocked unconscious was still not waking up. From the sidelines, Arthur watched how the witch pulled the man near the wall and grunted silently as she forced the man in a sitting positing against it. "C'mon, wake _up…"_ she mumbled to the unconscious man, slapping his cheeks a bit too forcefully in the hopes of waking the man up.

"What are you doing?" Arthur grumbled, looking over his shoulder to the door to check if anyone was near. He didn't get an answer though, the witch was too focused on the sleeping man. To the prince's shock, the next thing Merlyn did was to place her finger between the man's eyebrows and whisper a spell. Immediately he woke up with a violent jerk, unfocused eyes blinking and roaming over his surroundings before landing on the annoyed young woman crouching in front of him. The sight of her made him startle and try to scramble backwards, but the wall behind his back made it impossible.

"Now, now, Alec," she soothed the man and brought her hand up to cup his cheeks almost tenderly, but it only seemed to make the man more scared. He started to tremble slightly as Merlyn stroked his cheeks gently, her head tilted and no doubt her eyes were locked on the man's, Arthur knew it even when he only saw the back of her head - it was uncanny how much fear she could make someone feel with only a stare. "You know how this goes. You tell me what I want to know, or…" her words trailed off for a moment when her fingers traced the furiously bulging vein on the right side of the man's neck, before her hand suddenly wrapped around his throat and her face moved only an inch away from his, "…or I make you spill _every… dirty… secret."_ The words were punctuated with her grip tightening more each time, the last three words sounding more like a loving whisper than a threat then, but that only made the assassin's fear grow. No doubt Merlyn's reputation had not slipped the man's mind, it even looked like he might have seen something himself - the way he did not dare to look away from her was a clear sign of fear but also _respect_.

Shocked to silence, the only thing Arthur could do in this situation was to move quietly to the side so he could see Merlyn better. The dark look in her eyes made him shiver and gulp thickly. "You… you'll h-have to _kill me,_ " the man, Alec, choked as strongly as he could with Merlyn's hand around his throat tilting his chin a bit upwards to meet her face. "I ain't telling y… you _a-anything_." With all the courage he could muster to say that, it seemed to only made Merlyn amused rather than annoyed, and when a small, cold grin appeared on her lips, Alec's face paled rapidly.

"Oh, _sweetheart_ …" the warrior sighed almost regretfully, though her grip tightening even more, tilting his head up further and making the man's face go red from the lack of oxygen. "You don't understand, do you? I don't really like it when I am almost kidnapped. And you don't need to actually tell me anything,-" her smile got even wider, almost manic now as the gold slowly twirled in her eyes, "-I'll just _take_ it." Doing the same thing she did with Margaret a while ago, Merlyn slammed her palm against Alec's forehead ignoring the start of his frightened shout, but whispered a different incantation than with the maid. It was not that Arthur was somehow suddenly more informed with magic, but he could tell the difference; first of all, this took a lot longer than with the young girl, so it must have been a different spell, possibly something to do with memories or information. And it seemed to be a lot more painful, the assassin was quietly whimpering and even sweating from the pain. But the biggest change was in Merlyn's face - the amused smirk vanished from her lips and was replaced with a furious snarl, even the gold in her eyes seemed to burn hotter, brighter the longer she went on.

"Merlyn…" No reaction. The whimpers the assassin was letting out got worse by the second now, turning louder and more filled with agony, his eyes almost bulging out of his head as Merlyn's grip got tighter and tighter, the man was choking for air and weakly trying to struggle against her hold. The prince surged forwards when the brown eyes were slowly beginning to roll in the back of the man's head, Arthur's hand slammed on the warrior's shoulder as he hissed, _"Merlyn!"_ The gold vanished in the blink of an eye and her hold loosened, but she did not let go, not yet. Her eyes drilled into Alec's, not even reacting to the hand on her shoulder.

"So she's working with him now," the low whisper reached his ears. Arthur slowly pulled his hand away when he felt her frame start to tremble and lowered his blade to the floor to free his hands just in case. Merlyn pulled her hand away from the wheezing man's throat and slowly stood upright, eyes never leaving the mercenary. " _She's working with him?!_ " The screech startled both men, and soon the warrior surged forward and punched Alec in face so hard he immediately got his nose broken, blood oozing on his face. For the first three or four punches and few kicks, Arthur was frozen in shock, just staring at the livid warrior who was like a ruthless stranger to him at the moment, but when she turned to grab the dagger out of the dead woman's chest, he managed to shake himself from his haze and move. She was still able to slice the assassin's chest shallowly before Arthur got closer, fingers curling tightly around Merlyn's upper arms and pulling the shouting, trashing woman away from her target.

He pulled her away so forcefully that her legs got up in the air with her back smashing against the prince's chest, kicking at nothing as she bellowed Mordred's name and something about a deranged wenches, but Arthur did not let go. It was a huge struggle to get her away, but eventually they reached the corridor away from Alec's line of sight and when she too heard the fast footsteps coming towards them, she finally stopped her trashing so quickly Arthur briefly though she had fallen unconscious herself. But before Arthur could say anything, the warrior ripped her arms from his hold when he let himself relax only for a second and stormed away.

Arthur could not follow her right away, he had to stay and explain what had happened to Sirs Hugo and Leon, and the two guards who had heard Merlyn's screams. He obviously did not mention the fact that Merlyn had practically tortured the now once again unconscious man, but told that it had been Mordred trying to kidnap Merlyn and that Arthur had stopped them from leaving. All of the knights knew about Merlyn being an assassin once, but because they had gotten to know her they had not really even cared. The fact of her being a killer was another story, but luckily they did not need to know it - and it was a good thing, I could destroy Merlyn's reputation if the wrong people found out; and the wrong people being the king and the council members.

After making sure Leon and Hugo knew what to say to the king and that they knew to sent out patrols to track down Mordred, Arthur took off after Merlyn. He knew she'd go cool off either in her room or beat up the dummies outside, though it was likely she did not dare to leave the castle yet since Mordred had only just left - if he had left that was. This time the prince did not even bother to knock before entering her room, and as he had suspected the warrior was standing by the window in the now neat room. Even the broken chair was repaired so he figured Merlyn had used magic to get the room cleaned. "Are you all right?" Sighed Arthur after he shut the door after him, back turned to the brooding warrior who had not acknowledged his presence yet. He heard her murmur that she was, but it wasn't very convincing. He knew she was a terrible liar and now was no different. "Are you sure..?"

"Yes," came a curt answer without her even bothering to turn completely around, just glanced fleetingly over her shoulder. She tried her best to muster a small smile for him, but it was so tight and bitter that Arthur knew she really was not fine. He took a moment to just stand there and rub his face, trying to form some sort of words to say to her. Merlyn was not known for telling everything that went through her mind openly, and he knew for a fact that she hated when someone pushed too much. But he needed to know, if he wanted to sleep that night. Stubborn or not, magical or not, he cared for the woman.

"Merlyn…" Now she turned, but avoided his eyes all together. The cut on her arm was bleeding through the sloppy bandages she had wrapped around it before Arthur came and her opposite hand was up fiddling with the linens.

"I will be," she eventually sighed when her eyes finally turned to his, her left eyebrow slightly raised. "I saw her with Mordred. _Morgause._ " It was brief, but Arthur saw the way her injured arm twitched twice at the mention of the Priestess. It reminded him of the way she had moved when speaking about her past the first time with him, about Mordred and the killings.

Frowning a bit, the prince walked closer with his head tilted down so he could see her lowered face better. The dark blue orbs were flicking from side to side and she had her lower lip trapped between her teeth like every time something made her nervous. Now he could not really blame her - if Mordred and Morgause, the two people Arthur knew Merlyn hated and maybe even feared the most, were working together… they should all be nervous. Gingerly, Arthur brought his hand up to her face and let his finger gently touch the bruise on her jaw. "You need to be open with me. You can't expect me to trust you again if-"

"Oh, don't give me that _bullshit_ again!" He was cut off by Merlyn's scoff and jerked a bit backwards when she slapped his hand away, now backing up several steps away from him. "I can have some privacy and I'm allowed to be upset when I see my mother's _murderer!_ You just can't admit that some things aren't as _black and white_ as you think."

Of course she was right, even if Arthur did not dare to admit it to himself. His whole life the idea of magic had been purely evil, not good or anything in between. Evil. Dark. Something that should be destroyed from this world one sorcerer at a time. But then so much is revealed - his father was once friends with a Priestess, magic was once free and celebrated but then one person does a bad thing and the whole community is being hunted. A powerful witch trying to protect a kingdom in secret with weapons and magic both, and is the object of the aforementioned kingdom's prince's love in secret too. Life was not as black and white as he had grown to believe, it was more complicated than he could ever begin to understand or experience himself - but was that a reason to push away the only one who could really understand, who was a part of the community? The only one living in both worlds, the one hunting them down and the one hiding from the hunters?

"Merlyn…" But she was not having any of it, not even when Arthur tried his best to sound as apologizing as he felt. He knew it was not just Merlyn's job to make things work - he needed to do it too. How could she even try if he just kept on turning his back away from everything magical, and closed his eyes when the warrior did something good, rather always thinking about her being frightening at the fortress? It was the same thing he had to understand about both magic and Merlyn - both had good and bad sides.

"You don't notice it, but I'm tired of this. I'm tired of acting nice and trying to prove myself every single day just because you can't face the fact that the person I was before you saw me use magic was still me. This nice, well-behaving shell is not. So I'm _done_ walking on egg-shells around you and I'm _done_ waiting for you. It is up to you now, because I have tried my best without you even giving me any hints what you want from me." He knew. Even with everything going on, he knew Merlyn had tried to put on her best behavior - no drinking, no brooding or lashing out, not even spouting the sarcastic comments he loved so much. She had not been herself since their talk. "Just _leave_ , sire," he heard her sigh after a minute of silence, sounding more given up than angry at him. And as much as he wanted to push the matter, to _talk_ now that he understood… he did go. Maybe they both needed some time to work things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started to write this story, I was going to keep it maybe ten to fifteen chapters, mostly because I did not expect for people to enjoy this so much. 2500 hits, 122 kudos and 65 comments already? It's not much when compared to some other's I've seen, but for me on my first ever Merlyn fic? Just... wow. And I'm now planning on a sequel for this when just a while ago I did not know it I even could finish this? Thank you all, and keep on commenting (especially on this, since I got a bit stuck), I love to read and learn from them! *hugs and love to you all*


	23. Emrys

"Changing your mind about joining the guards?"

It was a freezing mid-September morning but Merlyn was still out at the training field with only her jacket and leather trousers, just like every single day. But this time she wasn't there with the knights like other days, because they were mostly busy making preparations for a royal visit from Caerleon. The king and queen of Caerleon were coming for a treaty signing after months of discussions and preparations with a battalion of knights of their own. But everyone was feeling positive about it, with one exception of course - the king of Camelot. Caerleon had not agreed to making magic illegal so Uther had been grumbling about it since day one, but at least they had reached a solution - no magic-users were allowed to go across the border and none of the ones working for the kingdom could join these visits. Merlyn was not really sure how Uther was going to make sure none would come since he could not really go around checking every single one, but maybe the royals of Caerleon would honor the agreement.

So, since most of the knights were out making plans and preparing, Merlyn was on the field with only Arthur, Lancelot and Gwaine - or would have been if Gwaine had not brought Percival and Elyan with him. Not that she minded, at least it gave her a change to actually see Percival in action. The big man had had his sword out when she had first met him, but he never used it and they rarely got time to see each other since she had so much to do at the castle and he was busy at the forge. The man seemed like a peace loving kind of person, though he really did know what he was doing. Add to that the fact that he was probably the biggest man in both height and muscle that Merlyn had ever seen, so he had a lot of advantages even when he was a bit slower than others. In Merlyn's case, her advantages were her gender and her speed, but when her opponent was probably five times her size and even stronger than that… even the mighty warrior had trouble.

The man in question shook his head slowly as he lowered his waterskin and offered Merlyn a small smile, "not really. I do like using a sword and protecting others when I have a chance to, but being a guard is really not for me." Merlyn could understand that, she too hated the idea of being a guard or a knight even. She was just lucky to be only an advisor, it gave her more freedom and a bit more power around the castle. Guards were not exactly high-positioned people in Camelot.

Turning to watch Elyan and Gwaine spar not too far away from them, Merlyn lowered her voice slightly, "how are you doing with everything?" A week after telling Arthur about Mordred and her past, Merlyn had gone to Percival too. The man deserved answers regarding his sister, and Merlyn had felt responsible for unleashing something like Mordred to the land. Percival had not been angry about it, though he felt like a person who rarely got mad about anything, or just hid it really well. The big man had just fallen silent for a long moment and then asked several short, careful questions about how she knew about the druid so much. The witch had answered everything as well as she could and honestly had told about her own past with Mordred, and promised that she would do everything she could to stop him.

"I will be," came a resigned sigh from Percival as he rubbed his bare arms absentmindedly. Merlyn did not understand how he could be out in the cold wearing only a short sleeved tunic and trousers. "I cannot do anything by myself, and I know I can trust you to find a way to stop him."

"You don't even know me that well," Merlyn pointed out with a slight wince and lowered herself down on the moist grass next to him, "how can you trust me?" Percival was a curious character, mostly because with the little time she had spent with him, the man seemed to latch on to everything she said and genuinely liked and almost respected her. And that had not changed even after she had revealed her past, truthfully it felt like he respected her even more after that. His own words had been something like _'it takes a lot of strength and courage to turn your life around like_ _that'_ and that had been the most beautiful, friendly thing anyone had said about her changing her life. Percival was a man with little to say, but when he did speak, he said things with a lot of meaning.

Now Percival smiled again, gently and turned his surprisingly intelligent blue eyes to the warrior. "I don't have to know a person well to trust them," he just mused before turning back to watch the others when a shout from Gwaine pierced the air. Merlyn too turned to look and snorted loudly when he saw the knight face down in the wet, muddy grass and Elyan hovering over him with his boot on the other man's back. The blacksmith's son had a huge grin on his face since it was the first time he had managed to beat Gwaine, and it showed in the way the ex-rogue was cursing and trying his best to turn his head so he would not get mud on his face.

"You're losing your touch, Sir Gwaine," an amused shout came from behind Merlyn and Percival. The blacksmith's apprentice turned to the voice but the warrior did not have to as she recognized Arthur voice immediately. She had not spoken with the prince since she had informed him that she was _done_ with doing the work and waiting around. The two months Arthur had placed the responsibility of making things right on Merlyn's already full, tired shoulders had been extremely hard on the warrior - she had tried everything from using magic less discreetly than usually and even using it to do things she actually never did, to trying to speak to the prince about things regarding to magic or asking the others who knew to try and explain things to him... But every time he had either ordered her to shut up or just walked away without a word. Now she was just giving him the space he needed and did not force her powers on him - she had had to actually bribe Gwaine with wine and mead for weeks for him to stop talking about it all the time.

"I am _not_ ," the knight grumbled and as if to prove it, he flipped around on the ground and so quickly that Elyan had no time to react, grabbed the man's ankle and pulled him to the ground too. Elyan landed on his side with a startled yelp that made everyone around laugh. "See? I'm still the best!" As an answer to that, Merlyn raised her left brow and stared at the knight drily, and she bet her left arm that Arthur did too since Gwaine's eyes flickered between them both before he grinned sheepishly and started to scramble up from the ground - though he got nowhere because Elyan seemed to be in a mood for revenge. The dark-skinned man surged from the ground at the knight and soon enough they were rolling on the ground wrestling like two little children, both shouting obscenities to one another.

"I'm never going to understand how Gwen became such a mature person," murmured Merlyn and glanced at Lancelot from the corner of her eye when he walked beside her and flopped down on the grass. A light blush crept on the warrior's cheeks at the mention of the lovely maid, but he only hummed nonchalantly as an answer, making Merlyn grin impishly. From what she had heard since seeing Lance and Guinevere walking in the Lower Town almost a month ago, the man was openly courting Gwen now. He had tried to be subtle about it at first since he had not spoken with her father yet but now that he had confronted both Tom and even Elyan as the brother had come home suddenly after years, they were practically official. And Merlyn knew for a fact that Gwen and Elyan both knew about Lancelot's past, so there would be no trouble with that in the future. They both also found out about Merlyn once being an assassin, but neither of them really even cared - Gwen actually did not seem so surprised about it, perhaps she had figured it out after hearing that Lancelot and Merlyn had known each other for years.

From the corner of her eye, Merlyn saw another figure stop on her left side and without even looking she knew it was Arthur. She pointedly avoided looking at him or answering when he greeted her quietly, and heard how the man sighed softly before crouching down to her level. "Can we talk?" The prince asked carefully when he saw that Merlyn was not really in the mood for little pleasantries.

Merlyn answered first with a slow shake of her head, but ended up sighing too as she glanced at the man. "I have nothing more to say, Arthur," she huffed back and sounded a lot angrier than she actually felt, but surprisingly felt almost gleeful when she noticed his eyes fall from her face, "it's still up to you."

"I do believe you. The.. _magic_ part is just a lot to get used to, but it's not about you."

Merlyn let out a small scoff and raised a brow as she turned to look at the prince in the eye. "Actually, it is about me. I _am_ still practically made of it, so if you have a problem with it you really have a problem with me. You can't hate one part when you like the others," was the only curt answer she was going to give him and turned to look elsewhere again. It was not that she was angry at him, not really. More like… _tired_. She knew she was not blameless, but neither was Arthur. She had lied and kept things from him, but to be honest, so had he. He never told her that he had feelings for her, never told her what he _actually_ though about her past or magic… so now the witch was just trying to give the prince the space he needed to figure things out on his own. It was tough for them all, but she knew it would be best if he thought of a solution without her or anyone influencing it too much.

"I know it is…" she heard the prince murmur and curiously turned to look at him again. Merlyn did not feel bad when she saw the crestfallen expression on his face, even though a few weeks ago that could've been the thing that broke her soul - it was fairly frightening to admit, but she got a bit of satisfaction of seeing him try so hard… but it _was_ his turn this time. Merlyn was not about to apologize for the way she was born, not even from the person she cared the most; he should just suck it up and accept it, because there was no changing the facts. "Can I still join you when you talk to Margaret?" Merlyn had promised a few days ago that he could join since the threat of Mordred affected him as much as it did Merlyn, but she was just surprised he even remembered or wanted to come anymore after Merlyn being more snarky at him than usually. They both still knew that the maid should be dealt with one way or another, at least first figure out why she was helping Mordred. One thing was for sure; Margaret was the one who had helped the druid in his attempted kidnap.

Giving the man a small nod and telling him to come to her room after lunch, Merlyn got up from the ground and walked over to Gwaine and Elyan who had finally stopped their childish wrestling and were talking about what it was like being a knight and what they had seen on their travels. She decided to join in, though her mind was completely elsewhere. She had this… _odd_ warmth in her chest now that she was there with all these men, but could not understand what it was. At first when they had all walked to the training grounds, the witch had though something magical was happening or that it was just a manifestation of her fondness to all the men - yes, even Percival and Elyan, after seeing both maybe three times. But now, as her dark azure eyes roamed slowly over all of them - Gwaine and Elyan bickering about nonsense topics like the best wine in each kingdom, Percival and Lancelot sparring not too far away with Arthur helping them with their techniques and saying how he hated the fact he could not knight Elyan and Percival too… it felt _right._ It was the same feeling she had felt when she had accepted Arthur as the right king, when Gwaine and Lancelot had joined the ranks and, funnily enough, when she had told everything she could to Arthur about her.

 _Perhaps this is what Grettir talked about,_ a thought came suddenly to Merlyn's mind, a strong sense of understanding dawning when she remembered what the odd dwarf had said, _perhaps this is the Brotherhood he meant._

_***_

Later that day she called for Margaret for the first time after confronting her when she got back. Merlyn had not had any time to see if the maid knew anything new and she did not even know why the young girl had done what she did. What could Mordred say or do to get such a strong loyalty from Margaret, who had seemed to adore Merlyn from the start? Or had the druid appealed on _that_ specifically or was it about gold? Mordred himself had a strong delusion that Merlyn was not _Merlyn_ anymore, so maybe he had convinced Margaret of that too. But whatever the reason, the warrior could not let the maid go easily and if some day Merlyn got her hands on Mordred to end his pitiful life, she would have to figure out what to do with Margaret too - it was not like she could just forget about it since the reason was not a spell of any kind.

"How does this work exactly?" She heard the prince ask behind her where he was sitting by the dinner table, uncomfortably shifting in his seat and fiddling with the hilt of his sword. The witch glanced at him over her shoulder and raised a brow when she saw his eyes flick everywhere but her and Margaret.

"For starters you could try to stay still and let me concentrate," she huffed and grinned slightly when Arthur's cheeks turned faintly pink as he settled in his seat. Merlyn turned back to Margaret, who was blissfully unaware of her surroundings at the moment; when the maid had stepped in to Merlyn's room, the witch had immediately put a sort of a sleeping spell on her. It put the girl in a state of _almost_ sleep, but she was still able to stand up. "It's hard to explain when you can't experience it yourself, but… it's like listening to a story from her perspective, but instead of her telling it, I see it through her eyes and hear what she has heard. I could _show_ it to you too,-" Merlyn glanced at the prince again and ended up frowning when she saw him grimace when he thought about experiencing magic himself, "-but I know you don't want it. So I'll try to tell you what I see when I see it."

Behind her, Arthur hummed in understanding just as Merlyn placed her other hand on Margaret's shoulder and then her right on her forehead. The spell would not be as painful as with the assassins who had tried to kill Arthur in the middle of the night many months ago, but she would have a nasty headache for a few days without knowing why. For a second, Merlyn contemplated with making the ache slightly magical so the maid could not get any help from Gaius for it, but had to force that plan out - what would she gain from it anyway? Sure, some twisted amusement, but that was it.

The first memories from maybe two or three weeks before the day she had told about her past with Mordred to Arthur, were slightly blurred. It was like watching everything happen on the other side of a dirty window - there was a lot of confusion from the time before she had met Mordred. Merlyn felt the utter respect and love Margaret had felt for her mistress, but also felt a small sense of not knowing what she was supposed to do with her life. Margaret loved her mother and brother, Lucas, very much but she had felt like something was missing - until one day when Merlyn had been out on a patrol a few weeks before Theo had come to Camelot. Margaret had been helping Gaius by collecting herbs for the physician when she had stumbled on Mordred lurking at the border of the city. The druid looked to Merlyn like he had been waiting for this exact moment, but of course Margaret would not notice. Being a nice girl, Margaret had asked if Mordred was lost or looking for something, which he answered that he was looking for his love.

After that, Margaret had seen Mordred in the woods three times, every time listening to romanticized versions of Merlyn and Mordred's story which the maid had believed and thought about every day since. Then, at their fourth meeting, Mordred had told the maid who his love was and why he was looking for her - he told Margaret that Merlyn was under a strong spell that was changing who Merlyn was and he was trying to get her back. And because Margaret felt like she was meant to do it, she had offered her help - just like Mordred wanted. And that's when the memories turned clear.

Since then the maid-turned-spy had brought information to the psychotic druid; it was her help that got Theo in the city without suspicion, she delivered all the gifts Merlyn was getting like the book and roses, she had told Mordred about Merlyn and Arthur's warmed relationship - how she knew it, Merlyn had no idea - and, of course, Margaret had been the one who let Mordred in the castle with her key to try and get Merlyn kidnapped. Mordred would have been able to use a spell to open the lock, but apparently Margaret had no idea he had magic. Mordred even offered the maid protection for her family if it came to it, but only if the information kept on coming. Merlyn had been wondering if she should stop the maid from going to the druid anymore, but really could not condemn the maid's family to death, they were still innocent despite everything the maid had done.

In Margaret's memories, Merlyn also saw Morgause. The Priestess had tried to put a spell on the maid after Merlyn had used her own, but it had not worked - of course the woman knew it was because of Merlyn, but could not say anything to Mordred. But the most worrying fact Merlyn found out, was that Morgause was not the only one working with Mordred. There was a third person though Merlyn did not see their face, the only thing she saw was a deep black cloak and heard a muffled, clearly magically altered voice when they spoke about a plan they had, though Merlyn did not hear what it was because Morgause made sure Margaret heard nothing just in case.

Why could they not just give up already? Sure, she understood why Morgause was doing this since she had been obsessing over getting revenge on Camelot and Uther for years, but Mordred? He had no huge vendetta against Camelot, so he was working with Morgause just to get his hands on Merlyn, who Morgause hated and probably thought that Mordred wanted dead too - the druid was frighteningly good at manipulating people, exploiting the things that drove them; Margaret's sense of love for Merlyn, Morgause's hatred for Camelot, Merlyn's past confusion and darkness and, of course, all the people who were still in that group, they all had their own things and Mordred knew and used them all.

"So… what are we going to do with her then?" Arthur asked when he saw Merlyn remove her hand from Margaret's forehead and let the maid fall on her back on the bed, now completely asleep. She walked to the dinner table too and flopped down across the table from the prince and immediately placed her elbows against the table and buried her face in her hands, groaning loudly.

"I don't know," admitted Merlyn, voice slightly muffled as she mostly spoke against her palms. "She's so young and still so _innocent_ , she just doesn't know what is wrong and what is right… but at the same time, we need eyes on Mordred, and Margaret is the only choice right now. And she did make the choice by herself…"

A silent hum from the prince reached her ears, but the warrior was just so given up with this that she did not have the energy to look up to him. Between the difficulties with Arthur, her duties for the kingdom as both warrior and a secret protector, the threat of Morgause and Mordred, her still raging confusion about the memories she had discovered after revealing herself to the prince… thinking about what to do with the maid was not really at the top of her to-do list. Fortunately she had had the courage to stop worrying too much about showing Arthur the good of magic so the weight on her shoulders had become a bit lighter, but it was still too much for one person to carry alone - add to that the fact that she was barely sleeping now that the nightmares had started again. She never remembered them in the morning, but knew that they had started again; waking up and feeling like she had not slept for more than an hour told a lot.

"Right now I'm more worried about that that third person they have," eventually Merlyn spoke up and propped her chin against her palms, eyes lifting up to the prince who was intently staring at the dark wood of the dinner table, but still nodded in agreement. "I have no clue who it is, but the fact that they want to keep the person hidden makes me believe that they are too valuable to risk revealing... and that it might be someone even more dangerous than Mordred and Morgause."

"Great… just great," mumbled the prince, sounding as tired as Merlyn felt. "I wonder when we get to enjoy some peace and quiet without all of these people trying to kill or kidnap us." The witch snorted humorlessly as she leaned back on her chair, flipping her open hair over her shoulder.

"When they or we are dead, I suppose." It was certainly not a cheerful thought, but it was true nonetheless. Merlyn had firsthand knowledge of Mordred and Morgause, so she knew that even death would have trouble stopping them from causing trouble but it was still their best option. Maybe some years ago there would have been a chance for Mordred to turn out good and proper, but Merlyn had fucked that up so bad with her own problems and faults, that now Mordred was like this and would not have any chance of redemption.

"That in mind," Arthur suddenly spoke up, sounding almost timid and pointedly avoided Merlyn's eyes when she looked up with a small frown, "I think we should try and work things out. You know, just in case something does happen to either of us."

"Wow, that sounds like you're planning on dying tomorrow," the witch snorted and got the prince smile too, though both were more bitter than amused. "But seriously speaking, I don't know what I could do anymore. I've said I'm sorry that I kept it from you, but you weren't, or actually still aren't, exactly pro-magic. There was never a good opportunity."

Arthur raised his left golden eyebrow at her and gave her a dry look as he leaned forward a bit, a small glint of a challenge in his bright eyes, "pray tell me _how_ was I supposed to be one? I have not exactly seen any good things done by magic or sorcerers." Well, Merlyn had to give him that. All the magical things he had seen before Merlyn's 'show and tell' attempt, had been quite violent. But it still did not mean that he had any right to think she was the only one in the wrong here - she had been rightly scared for her life.

The sound of the castle's warning bell's broke her thought. Both Arthur and Merlyn jumped from their seats immediately and were already running out of the room when the second clang came, both had their only their swords drawn since there was no time to change their armors on, so they were only wearing their casual tunics and trousers, and Merlyn had only a corset over hers. They reached the entrance hall when Sir Nicholas jogged from the throne room after six others and told them that there was a sorcerer in the Lower Town who needed to be captured. He never said what the person had done, so Merlyn had a bad feeling that it was someone innocent who was about to face the wrath of Uther Pendragon.

Arthur went ahead, yelling orders to the knights that were already outside in the courtyard and soon enough they were all moving towards the gates leading to the market. Merlyn was about to go too, but she abruptly stopped when an odd pull came from the other side of the yard near where the citizens were walking around the guards and knights situated at the castle doors so no strangers would get in. The pull was clearly magical and foreign for her, but it felt wrong. It was frantically almost pulsing, like a quickly beating heart pumping blood through a person's veins and it felt distressed. _Scared._

The warrior jogged after the knights, but used the chaos as a cover to disappear from the group and sneaked back to the castle but this time she stayed behind the pillars and in the alcoves, dark eyes roaming over the people walking around, doing their jobs calmly since they were almost used to the warning bells these days. They usually went into hiding only if the order came.

Following the pulsing feeling, Merlyn moved between the alcoves and stayed in the shadows until her eyes stopped on a small figure crouching behind a stack of barrels ready to be moved to the castle kitchen's. The witch was not sure if the feeling came from the figure, not until the small, brown haired girl turned to look around, blue eyes wide and screaming with the panic she was undoubtedly feeling and violently trembling when the shouts of the guards and knights rang through the courtyard again.

 _'Are they looking for you?'_ Merlyn asked, wincing when the girl flinched hard when the woman's voice penetrated her mind. When she turned her head to look around again, Merlyn saw the black mark on her neck - a druid. ' _Why are you here?'_

_'We came to buy supplies, we were not going to hurt anyone! Please, help us!'_

Merlyn did not really have a choice. She heard the girl's sincerity, heard her genuine fear and innocence in just her mental voice - how could the warrior- no, how could the prophesized Emrys of her people leave the child in danger? Her eyes slid from the girl to the sea of red capes and shiny swords running through the gates and spreading out to the yard, going dangerously close to the child. Gritting her teeth, she rose from her hiding and got the girl's attention. Merlyn knew the girl saw her sword, but the fact that she flashed her eyes at the child seemed to relax her enough to get her to jump up and try to run to her before the witch could even ask her to stay still for a moment - Merlyn's mouth opened up to yell her to stop, the guards were _right_ _there_ and…

They got her.

 

***

 

"The Druids were only in Camelot to collect supplies. They meant no harm. Is it necessary to execute the child? She already lost her father…"

After watching from the side, frozen in shock, how the girl was being pulled forcefully to the dungeons, Merlyn left running. Not far from the courtyard, some guards were carrying a body of a brown haired man out to be buried in an unmarked grave - none of the sorcerers captured in Camelot deserved the honor of a proper burial. Merlyn had no direction as she ran and she did not even notice ending up inside the castle while her mind was completely elsewhere; the witch could not break the child out during the day and if she did it at night, the kingdom would think of it as another example for the evils of magic. But it was _a child!_ The witch was not about to let her get executed, there was no chance. But eventually she ended up outside the throne room and stopped when she head Arthur's voice coming from inside, clearly heard because the doors were left ajar and there were no guards outside just yet. She scooted to the shadows so no one would notice her and leaned a bit to the side so she could hear better. Was the prince actually talking on the behalf of a druid?

Of course, the king of Camelot was not having it. " _Absolutely necessary_ ," he answered sternly and Merlyn could almost hear how he glared at his son for even suggesting to let the girl go. The warrior had to curl her fingers into tight fists to stop herself from hitting anything. "Those who use magic cannot be tolerated."

"The Druids are a peaceful people," Arthur still continued, the slight desperation lacing his voice and Merlyn doubted that even the king missed it, "showing mercy can be a sign of strength." Even with the hint of sadness, Arthur sounded much stronger and convincing than his father, more like a king than the current one. There was no doubt anymore who was going to be the greatest king the land would see, and who could one day turn Uther Pendragon's legacy around and give peace for everyone - how had Merlyn ever even thought otherwise?

A hard scoff left the king before Arthur even completely finished his sentence. "Given the chance, they would return magic to the kingdom. They preach peace, but _conspire_ against me," Uther ranted, pacing inside the throne room. It had been a while since Merlyn had had to listen to the king's words regarding to magic, but they still made her feel sick. It was no wonder Arthur had been brainwashed into thinking all magic was evil if he had grown up listening to his father talk these things. "We cannot appear weak. We have a responsibility to protect this kingdom. Executing the Druid will send out a clear message."

Merlyn could not stay and listen more, so she took off quickly. Without even thinking, her feet led her straight to Gaius' chambers. The physician himself was probably out on his rounds in the Lower Town, so the warrior had a moment for herself. It was a huge struggle to keep herself from breaking the child out right then, to reveal her own powers just to save the innocent girl from being incarcerated and _burned._ She began pacing across the small area between Gaius' furniture, fingers combing restlessly her open, messed up hair and lips forming silent curse words one after another. Her mind was in hundreds of knots and the wall felt thinner, her emotions were jumbled up and the Dark her was shouting _let me out!_ That part of her would know what to do, she would not hesitate, she _could_ -

The door opened before her mind went any further with that thought and Gaius shuffled calmly in, not even startled by the sight of Merlyn agitatedly pacing in his room. He must have heard what had happened and usually when something was going on, Merlyn visited the physician. They had had several arguments and stubborn silences during the last almost three months because the old man was refusing to tell Merlyn about her father, but it did not change the fact that Gaius was undoubtedly one of the most intelligent people in the kingdom and could always get the witch's mind at ease.

But before Merlyn could even try and open her mouth to ask for advice, Gaius let out a sigh and furrowed his brow at her. "You should not get involved in this, Merlyn," he said, voice so serious that the warrior's mouth dropped a bit. "I know you think it is your responsibility, but it is not. They knew what could happen and if you help the girl escape, it would not change Arthur's mind about magic."

"How… how can you advice me to let an innocent child _die?"_ She choked out, flopping down to sit on the long bench behind her. Gaius was a physician, his main priority should be the health of the people - but it seemed that the first person and thing he was loyal to was the kingdom… and _the king._ "How are the people ever going to learn what is right and what is wrong if we let this happen? Today a child dies, tomorrow her brother, mother or friend might come to revenge them. How is that _good advice?!"_

Gaius walked slowly forward and placed his medicine bag on the table next to Merlyn. "I am only saying that this should not concern you, my dear, they knew the risks and-"

Merlyn jumped up with her finger pointed at the old man's face and got him to jerk backwards when she took a menacing step forward with the blue of her eyes flashing briefly gold. _"Don't tell me what my concerns are!"_ She hissed, furious of his nonchalant behavior about the girl being executed. "She is a magic-user, and _an innocent_ one at that. They are the _exact_ people I should be worried about! Just because you were the one to roll over and _accept_ the fact that Uther started to _slaughter_ us, does not mean I should do that too."

The old man was shocked to silence, and Merlyn felt slightly bad about it as she turned on her heels and walked to the window, her back turned to him. Pointing out Gaius' decision to stay and give up his magic without any fight was a low blow, but still true. She knew the physician had watched from the side how other's were being burned, but also that he had tried to help some of them escape, but it had turned out to be too dangerous. The last person he had managed to help out had been the last surviving Dragonlord almost twenty years ago, but then Uther had learned about magic-restricting cuffs and had put Gaius under the constant watch of the guards. He had been denied access in the dungeons for almost five years until the king was satisfied that he would not betray him. But it was no excuse for Gaius to try and get Merlyn to just watch a child die. She could offer the girl a painless death like before, but that was not enough anymore - she had to act. How could the druids or other magic-users ever believe that Emrys would help, if she stayed in the shadows for too long?

"I'm sorry, Gaius," Merlyn eventually sighed and let her head drop down. "But I can't just stay idle and let innocents die anymore. Not when I could help. How can I claim to be Emrys if I do not protect them..?"

The physician was quiet for a long time, during which Merlyn turned slowly around to see how his expression turned from sorrowful and very hesitant to almost determined. Without a word, he nodded sharply and moved to his bookshelf so briskly that one could've thought he was twenty years younger again. "Then we must find a way for you to stay unrecognized," he informed the warrior whose interest peaked as the man pulled books from the self. But he did not place those on the table for them to read - no, he emptied an entire shelf before gently letting his hand feel the wall like he was looking for something. A few seconds later he hummed triumphantly as his finger found a small hole that he used to pry a board off from the wall and revealed a hidden, dust filled compartment with four thick, ancient looking tomes. Merlyn moved closer to help him get the books on the already clustered worktable, eyes almost hungrily roaming over the Old Tongue painted on the covers.

Three of the four heavy books contained spells and potions for pretty much everything from healing and mind-controlling to elemental magic and transfiguration of inanimate objects. Most of the spells were those she already knew from Morgause's books, and had already learned years ago. But there were also those she had no idea even existed or she had never tries to learn; love spells had always felt like a waste of her time and they also felt pretty cruel when you thought about it - to take away a person's free will and a chance to find actual love. Then there was scrying which would probably come in handy one day, though it required a lot of practice so Merlyn was not sure if she'd ever find time for that, and so did glamours for people and buildings, and some of the more specific healing and ageing spells. An ageing spell would have been quite good for this kind of situation, but the idea of joint pain and things like that did not suit her very well.

The last book had spells too, but also runes from all over the world - from the Catha's of the Northern part of the land, more delicate but dangerous ones written across the seas, but also some from this very area where Camelot was, created by the very first High Priests'. Merlyn also found some that were specifically for Dragonlords', High Priestess' and Priests', different magical creatures to enhance their abilities and - she felt quite surprised about it - for warriors. They were mostly to make one or two of their senses or abilities stronger, like their vision or hearing, speed or in rare cases if it worked, their strength or stamina. They were extremely complicated and even she would not necessarily have enough strength to do that alone, or even the time and knowledge for them. But Merlyn had to push the runes aside when she found the perfect spell for her use to help that little girl escape.

"This is it," she announced, voice slightly raspy from breathing the dust for hours and hours long after the sun had gone down. The witch was quite surprised that no one had come looking for her, but the men closest to her probably knew she would not be dealing well with the girl's imprisonment. "This is the one I need to use."

Gaius moved to her side of the table, immediately letting out a small gasp when he read what spell she meant. "Are you sure? I know very well you are quite powerful, but this takes many tries before it works perfectly." Every single spell she needed took a lot of effort and practice, but the life of an young girl was at stake here. The determination she had felt when opening up the first of the tomes was nothing compared to what she felt now - it was almost like a burning feeling somewhere in her gut, pulling and pushing her to do and move and _make things work_. It was also magnified by the screaming in her mind from behind the wall, but this time it did not even bother her - it was more like a reason and a motivator to do what she knew what was right and never stop; screw the consequences. That was one thing the past her had right all along - sometimes it was not about what was right by the laws. Sometimes it was just about doing what she thought was right and what would sent a message, make people think and maybe, just maybe, save lives in the process.

"Then I will practice the entire night to get it right. I will _not_ let her be burned."

 

***

 

The shadows spread over her dressed in her black cloak as she stood on the edge of the courtyard the next morning. It was a cloudy, dark morning that represented her mood and what was to come perfectly, and provided the perfect hideout for a secret sorcerer who did not want to be seen before the time was right. Under the thick cloak she wore the most normal clothing she owned and had mended with her magic to fit better the body the spell had given; dark green tunic made from a rough fabric hung loosely over the tall, thin frame and black trousers covered her longer limbs. She had stolen some worn, dark boots from Gwaine's closet the previous night since her own did not fit. Merlyn still felt very naked because she had had to leave her weapons in her room just in case someone got too close to get a good look of her clothing - the only weapons she had on were a dagger hidden in her left boot and her magic bubbling under her skin, ready to be used.

No one other than Gaius knew about the plan. She needed the men who knew about her powers to react authentically so they would not raise any suspicion on them or her. Just in case anyone of them glanced at the window of her chambers to see if she was standing there like every other time a magic-user was wrongfully executed, they would see a life-like glamour of her standing there. Only if someone went to her room they would not see anything since the spell only worked if they looked from the outside.

Small raindrops were already dripping down from the skies and wetting the oil covered wood surrounding the pyre and the citizens standing around it in a neat half-circle like every time, most of them stony faced and ready to see 'justice' served, but the warrior saw some faces wet from the tears streaming from their eyes, twisted in sorrow and misery for the child who was about to be dragged out in just few minutes. But the only one Merlyn really stared was the king already standing regal and wrathful on the balcony over the square, his cold, steely eyes solely trained on the unlit pyre waiting for the next victim of his grief and vendetta. Merlyn's anger against the king of Camelot had never felt so strong, her hands were curled in tight fists under the black cloak.

The world was not supposed to be like this where children could not live happily without the fear of a man in a red cape coming after them with eyes shining murder and steel pointed to their hearts. A child, no matter their family and abilities, should have the chance to grow old and live at peace, they should have their shoulders free of the constant fear of a king driven by their own faults and mistakes, they should have their future clear and safe but instead they had the ever-dark sky of revenge and hatred making its mark on their very beings.

Merlyn herself was the perfect example what a life filled with hate and death could do to a person. Even when she tried her hardest to believe in the brighter future she was supposed to be ushering and in Arthur who was already a better future king than his father could ever be, her mind too was filled with mud-like doubt that refused to slide away even on the best days. She wanted to be a good person, to set an example what a magic-user should be despite the way she had grown… but now, looking at the scene of a pyre for a child who had done nothing, with the _sickly_ _happy_ king of Camelot looking over it, the only thing Merlyn felt was a burning desire to bring the storm growing in the distance down on everyone and make her own mark in the world, to burn away _every last hint_ of Uther Pendragon's legacy and just _kill them..!_

Shocked of her thoughts, Merlyn had to press her eyes tightly shut and breath deep several times to banish the dark thoughts her mind was forming, until the sound of shackles hitting stone and a child's whimpering reached her ears though it was almost muffled by the murmuring and jeering coming from the crowd. She knew she had only this one chance to save her, no matter how powerful she was there would be dire consequences if she failed. She owed it to this child and all her people - _Merlyn's people._

She spared no attention to Uther and his anger-laced speech about the evils of magic and how it has to be destroyed, how even the youngest will not be spared from it if they are raised in 'that lifestyle'. No, she had heard it too many times to even bother listening to it and letting it fuel her anger - her hidden eyes only saw the child. Her hands were brought up, the cuffs on her wrists were attached to the pole behind her back and then three guards took the already lit torches, ready for orders. The child's blue, red-rimmed eyes were staring at the king wide open, pleading and begging for mercy without her mouth opening up to the words but the monarch over her on the balcony was unfazed, just continuing his rant.

Merlyn's eyes slid briefly away from the girl to the crowd and knights. Most of the knights' expressions were cold and distant, but there were some that looked close to jumping up and rescuing the child themselves; of course Gwaine, Leon and Lancelot were those, but Merlyn got the first actual _good_ shock when she saw Sirs Jackson, Nicholas and Hugo also look very uncomfortable, avoid looking at the child and almost trembling in their boots. She had never heard those three say anything regarding to magic, good or bad, but the looks on their faces… that was _not_ a look of someone who believed the king's rants.

She also saw Arthur there, for the first time present in one of the executions for magic-users since she had moved to Camelot. From Leon Merlyn had learned that the reason Arthur had never participated in any execution really was that he disliked them and wanted to delay being present for as long as he could, until he was the king himself. But now he was there. For so long, Merlyn had imagined that the day she saw Arthur at the execution of an innocent magic-user, was the day she left and never looked back - but in those thoughts, Arthur looked satisfied, almost amused.

He did not look like that now. For the life of her, Merlyn did not ever remember seeing Arthur _force_ himself to stay so emotionless. For someone who did not know him as well as she did, he would've looked distant like the knights - but she saw it. The bright blue eyes locked on the child, a hint of red on the edges of those almost glowing orbs, hands in tight fists and shaking violently on his sides. The prince of Camelot had his back turned to his father so the king would not see his face, but that put Arthur face to face to Merlyn when she would do what she had planned. The warrior was not sure if that was what she wanted, but… the prince too needed this.

"…and now, you will burn for your _crimes_ against the kingdom," the speech came to an end as Uther's hand rose to the air. The guards lifted their torches over the oil soaked wood and the child's cries came louder - Merlyn saw many of the women and some men turn their faces away from the sight, but too many of the people got a sick glint of excitement shining in their eyes as the torches were slowly brought down at the same down the king swiped his hand. When the flames touched the wood and began to rise up quickly, Merlyn's eyes swirled gold and time slowed down. She moved swiftly between the crowd towards the pyre without touching anyone, climbed the wood to get close to the child. She stopped just behind the pole which the child was attached to, whispering _'_ _ġesċieppe_ _þrýðbord'_ and let time move again just in time for the flames to burst up from the wood to surround her and the terrified, screaming child.

 _'You are safe, dear,'_ she soothingly whispered in the child's mind, golden eyes roaming vigilantly over the people who had yet seen the mysterious dark figure appear behind the child. The screams stopped so abruptly that Merlyn briefly though she had passed out, but then a wave of relief and gratitude surged to her mind from the small figure in front of her as she noticed how the tall flames were not touching her, they could not even feel their warmth inside the strong shield Merlyn had created.

But the way the girl went silent so fast got the attention of the people watching, confused murmuring and shouting came from around the pyre mostly from the knights and guards. It did not take them more than few seconds after that to see a dark shadow between the flames, a shadow that was not supposed to be there. Merlyn took that as her cue and brought her hands up to her sides from under the cloak. The flames around her and the child surged up twice a big before abruptly changing their way unnaturally, parting to reveal them and forming two huge, flaming orange wings on Merlyn's sides. Her face was hidden beneath the cloak, but her burning eyes were glowing in the shadow it provided. The crowd let out a loud gasp at the sight, moving as one backwards away from the witch controlling the fire without a word.

The king did not even have to shout an order for the guards to bring up their bows and shoot dozens of arrows into the flames, just to have them stopped only two feet away from the duo on the pyre. For a second, Merlyn was frighteningly tempted to turn them around and make them fly into the hearts of their shooters - but she knew the guards. Most of them had been those who had been apologizing for locking her away when Theo had come or had showed compassion to the girl tied on to the pole. So instead of a violent act, Merlyn squeezed her hands in fists to make the arrows crumble into dust.

"Seize them!" Shouted the king, but before the knights could take more than one step forward Merlyn swiped her hand at them with a hissed _'fréosan befullan'_ and watched how two dozen men froze in front of the others so they could not get through so easily. The only part moving in them was their eyes, wildly spinning around from Merlyn to the others in similar states.

 _"There is no need for violence_ ," her voice rang across the courtyard as she let her hands drop back to her sides under the cloak, shining golden eyes moving from person to person while the flames around her slowly shrunk and snuffed out. Most of them flinched or looked away to avoid the piercing look she gave them, but some - like Gwaine, Leon, Lancelot and several of the citizens - stared right back, either defiant or unfazed. Merlyn raised her head higher now to the peeking sun could light her face more. _"I am not here to take revenge nor to kill mindlessly. There is no need for this petty killing of innocents, for crimes that do not exist, just because you do not understand those with abilities you don't have, just because you are angry-"_ her gaze slid slowly to king Uther and his wide green eyes, _"-or because you are overcome by grief and guilt."_

Slowly not to startle anyone, her hand rose again to touch the shackles tying the girl to the pole. The metal cracked under the touch before turning to little pieces and let the child go free. She still had strength in her legs so she did not fall on the wood, but turned fast and practically glued herself to Merlyn's legs, arms wrapped around them and face pressed against her hip. The witch bent down and picked the child up into her arms, and as the small, messed up mop of brown hair came to rest on Merlyn's shoulder, her dark hood dropped down revealing her new face. No one could recognize her like this, not even when she practically looked like someone who could be her brother. She was almost a head taller now with a thin frame covered loosely by the clothes she had had to mend to fit. Her face was much more masculine but it still had the same high cheekbones and strong jaw, the pale skin she had looked almost white against the black of her cloak and under the pitch-black mop of hair framing her face. She had not needed to change her eyes, since they were shining gold the whole time - a small detail that grew the fear among the crowd.

"Are we supposed to believe you are not here to revenge your people, you _filthy_ sorcerer?" Growled the king and got some of the people to cheer for his words, but Merlyn did not even flinch.

"Are we to believe we should not be afraid of you?" Another voice rang below the balcony, right behind the frozen knights before she could open her mouth to answer. Her eyes snapped to the speaker and widened slightly when she came face to face with the prince of Camelot. Though his voice was tight and agitated, his eyes were wide with something that could only be described as curiosity and excitement.

A small smile spread to her lips as she brought her hand up to stroke the girl's long hair to sooth her. _"You should be afraid of me,"_ she admitted with a tiny nod, her smile vanishing ever so slowly and replaced by a hard stare, _"but only if you continue this reckless slaughter. This child and many of the others burned at this spot before this day have only been guilty of being born."_

She saw that many of the people around were genuinely surprised of those words, and that the king was about to say something more - probably trying to insult her even more or order her to be arrested despite fact that it was not working that well - but she stopped him with a look. Gold against green, neither of them were budging; the other one was furious when the other was calm. _"If this continues, be sure that this will not be the last time you see me,"_ she announced, voice strong and echoing against the stone walls around the square. The power that was clear in her voice made many of the citizens and still free knights and guards shiver, she even saw the king jerk slightly from the force of it. None of them could ignore the ominous warning in her words, but she still gave them a clear option to stop harming every single magic-user they saw. _"I will not harm or destroy, but I will not let this continue any longer."_

While she spoke, her eyes moved around the people only to stop at a window facing the square and meet another pair of green eyes, wide and shocked staring at her. Morgana was the one who Merlyn had neglected for far too long, and she deserved something to make her feel better about her Seer powers. The princess was also aware of the prophecy, though when Merlyn had told it the girl had seemed to be somewhat doubtful that it was even true. Merlyn could not offer her the confirmation that she was in fact the Emrys Morgana had heard about, but maybe someday the fact would offer her some peace.

There was no need to speak any longer since it was just an act to make people think - how many of them had seen a non-violent magic-user come to Camelot? Or even someone clearly strong as she was, to only stop arrows and freeze people just to talk? That number could probably be counted using just one hand. And the longer she stayed, the bigger chance there was for someone to get hurt - and that someone was undoubtedly one of Camelot's men since Merlyn was not about to get injured or let the child get hurt. So, to save everyone from that Merlyn made the air around her and the small druid swirl stronger, form almost a wall of wind between them and the people of Camelot. The clear wind turned slowly into dark, impenetrable smoke as the teleportation spell started to sent her and the child away from the city - the last thing Merlyn saw behind the smoke and the girl's brown hair, was how the knights got the ability to move again.

 

***

 

Iseldir was the one who came for Merlyn and the child. The girl had introduced herself as Madeleine just after they had appeared in the middle of the woods not too far from the druid camp Merlyn knew about, and the one Madeleine had come from with her father. Normally they would not have let a kid go along when they were getting supplies, but the others had been busy preparing for winter and too many had fallen ill. Iseldir on the other hand was not even surprised to see her - or him, as the leader saw Merlyn as a man. Merlyn and Iseldir had met a bit over a year ago after Merlyn had escaped from Gregor and offered her a place to stay for few weeks. Though the druid had not told her anything more about the prophecy, he had called the witch 'the rightful savior' more than once. It still meant practically nothing to her, but maybe someday she'd figure out the meaning of it.

Because the teleportation was tiring for just one person, let alone for two at the same time, Merlyn had to walk home. She was not physically tired, but her magic once again felt really sluggish since she had had to perform such a spell. It was also the reason she did not dare to even try to use the spell that would make her look like herself again, but luckily Gaius had promised to create a potion for it. The physician said it would take him a while to get it done, so Merlyn would probably have to hide in the back room of his chambers for a while to avoid getting caught.

The druid camp had been staying surprisingly close to the city behind all their complicated wards and traps, so it did not take that long for the cloaked male formed Merlyn to arrive so close to the city that she could see the towers between the trees. Somewhere in the distance the witch could hear shouting and heavy hoof beats so the king probably thought he could somehow hunt the mystery sorcerer down. It was unfortunate how little Uther actually knew about magic - if he knew a bit more he'd know that hunting a magic-user down like that would do no good.

Merlyn stopped abruptly as if she had hit an invisible wall in the middle of the thick line of trees. It wasn't the fact that there were knights not far from her that stopped her from sneaking back to the castle - no, it was _the feeling._ Sick, acid-like aura of magic burning her senses and making the sluggish power of her own zap up from its haze and sizzle beneath the surface again. He was somewhere behind her, just close enough for her to feel him without yet hearing his footsteps. Even with the strange face Merlyn had, the expectant smirk that rose to her lips would've gotten the strongest soldier to shiver.

As the aura got closer, Merlyn's eyes changed back to gold again. He would recognize the midnight blue of her own anywhere. _"You can try to sneak up on me, Mordred, but it will do you no good,"_ she called as she turned her head a bit to the side so the hiding man could see the subtle rise of the corner of Merlyn's mouth. It did not take Mordred long to come through the bushes he had been lurking behind, trying to ambush her in some way.

"How do you know my name?" Oh, how she hated the silky voice of his, even with all the hatred she felt for him his voice called her like honey called a bee. It was intoxicating almost.

Merlyn's smile spread wider as she hummed nonchalantly and slowly turned to look straight at the pale eyes of her enemy. The psychopath's mouth parted and eyes went wide when he saw her burning eyes, but the feeling disappeared as quickly as it came. _"I know everything about you,"_ she mused with a tilted head, eyes calmly giving the man a once over. He was no longer wearing the same leather vest as he had before but the colors were still exactly the same. Dark gray tunic and trousers, both made from a thick fabric to keep him warm in the cold autumn and a coat made from black fur and worn leather reaching all the way to his knees. He even had a warm, big scarf around his neck, all mussed up to keep his neck covered. _He looks surprisingly good, though,_ Merlyn found herself thinking.

"Why don't I sense you? What is your name?" The assassins inquired, now slowly circling the unknown person in front of him. He seemed to think Merlyn was no threat to him since he could not sense her magic - but what fun would it be to reveal everything at once?

 _"Did it ever occur to you that you do not know me or sense me because I do not want anyone to find me?"_ Retorted Merlyn and raised her left brown when Mordred walked around her back from the other side.

His eyes were briefly gazing to the distance as he leisurely sauntered to the spot he had been standing before, his left hand's fingers fiddling absentmindedly with the hilt of his sword attached to the decorated leather belt he had hanging loosely over his hips. "I know what you did in Camelot today," he finally spoke again without turning back to her, so he did not see the way Merlyn rolled her eyes. Of course he knew, she had not doubted that even for a moment, but still he tried to appear mysterious in the way he spoke. "Why don't you join me?"

As Mordred turned around again, Merlyn tilted her head to the side as she watched his emotionless face. He still gave nothing away, but she knew him better than that - he was excited. Agitated almost, but in a good way. Merlyn wondered if he had been looking for someone powerful to help them with the plan they were working on. _"And why would I do that, Mordred_?" Merlyn asked as she narrowed her eyes slightly at him. _"Why should I trust a man I just met? I do have everything perfectly under control, I certainly do not need any slimy assassins or untrustworthy Priestess' complicating things for me."_

"So you know about her?" Now the man was a bit surprised but masked it quite well behind the cold stare of his. "Who are you?"

 _"Who I am is no relevance for this conversation,"_ she dismissed the question with a wave of her hand, starting her own circling now with her hands clasped behind her back beneath the cloak. The witch portraying a warlock ended up behind the man, so close that he could feel her breath on his ear and cheek when she whispered, _"what is it that you could offer that I do not have?"_

Mordred spun around suddenly but Merlyn was ready for it - she brought her hand up to grab the man's wrist when he tried to take hold of her and stopped his hand a bit to the side from their faces. Her other hand surged forward to wrap around Mordred's neck and pull his face only inches away from hers, her golden eyes drilling to his pale grey ones. _"Do_ not _test me, Mordred,"_ her deep male voice laced with inner power almost purred while her fingers dug a bit deeper into his neck, _"just answer my question."_

She pushed the assassin backwards to let him breathe again and stood still just watching him wheeze silently a few feet away from her. "We could bring peace for everyone," Mordred eventually coughed out as he managed to straighten his back. The gray eyes latched back on hers as he rubbed his throat lightly since Merlyn had used a bit more force in her squeeze than necessary - but who could really blame her? "We could put a rightful monarch on the throne, someone who could rule everyone fairly."

 _"And is that someone you?"_ Merlyn laughed loudly and shook her head, but stopped abruptly when a thought came to her - her wide, mirth-filled eyes snapped back to the man. _"Or Morgause?"_ She could imagine that Morgause would believe she was the right queen to rule over everyone, but at the same time she knew the Priestess would probably not want to be the first Merlyn would go after if it came to that, so she must have someone else. Mordred would seem like the obvious choice, but usually he worked in the shadows. Though ruling over a kingdom he hated was so ironic he would _love_ to do it. _"Why would I work with anyone who do not care for innocents?"_

"I do not care for the kingdom," growled Mordred as the anger he had been trying to hold in was finally breaking through his cold exterior - just as she had wanted it to. Merlyn was strongly tempted to end his life right there and then, to just show him what and _who_ exactly he was dealing with - and why it was a very bad decision to try anything with her. But the words he said were the once to stop her, but all they did create another smile on her lips. She knew he was talking about her, it was too clear in the way his emotions surged forward - they always did when he talked about her in some way.

 _He could help us, dear,_ a whisper breathed in her mind and spread a chilly but soothing feeling all over her body, _he could help get the justice out kind deserve._ But at what cost?

 _Does it matter? We could be free. Free to be whoever we want to be,_ the whispers continued, louder this time. Merlyn did want to be free - the constant fear of being discovered, trying to protect everyone from the shadows… Mordred could be her answer. He was such a ruthless person that he could get it done, but he would still gladly roll over and accept that the innocents should be left alone if Merlyn asked - though who exactly was innocent anymore? The people of Camelot _cheered_ when a child was supposed to be burned on the stake right in front of their eyes and none of them did _anything_ to stop it.

 _No child with magic will be harmed if you just-_ But no. _No_ , not like this.

Under the dark cloak, her hand made several tiny twitching movements when her mind almost went out of control with those thoughts but she fortunately got it under control again - she really did not need another incident like before with Morgause. _"And I do not care for your mission to get that feisty bitch of yours or Morgause's vendetta against the Pendragons,"_ Merlyn hissed and felt how Mordred's aura almost constricted as he prepared himself to use his magic - too bad he did not know how well Merlyn knew him. He always went straight for the kill if it was another magic-user he was facing - but the bad part of this? Everyone he had met in the past had been weaker than him. _"Tell her I said hello."_

She was just barely able to get the last word out of her mouth when a huge burst of fire left Mordred's hands and came flying straight at Merlyn and her raised, outstretched arms and the unyielding invisible shield a feet away from her. The impact was so strong it created a gust of air that managed to fly straight at Merlyn, making her black cloak fly behind her like a cape and a echoing sound that probably got the attention of the knights looking for Merlyn. She cursed in her mind - she really did not want to protect them and try to fight Mordred the same time.

Grunting, Merlyn drew her elbows all the way back to get some momentum before thrusting her palms forward and sending her shield fly at the man so fast that his flames cut off just in time for him to see a glimpse of her angry face before the force hit him and threw him backwards so hard he probably hit his head pretty badly when he crashed into the trees. But Merlyn did not have any time to stand and admire her handiwork, so she stalked quietly but quickly forward like a predator to its lunch, slightly hunched with her fingers stiff and crooked like a falcons talons ready to grab on to the assassin grumbling beneath the trees as he tried to get up.

A flash of rusty red and white caught in the corner of her eye caught Merlyn's attention from Mordred. Afraid that one of the knights had found them and Mordred would use it as a way to escape - her head spun around to see who was there, but the only thing she saw was an empty forest with sun lazily peeking through the high branches. _You're losing it again, aren't you, dear?_ The mocking whisper in her mind jeered quietly, followed by an eerie cackling that sounded too much like her own from the time she did not want to think about.

The distraction was just what Mordred needed - he threw the absentminded Merlyn who was staring frantically at somewhere to her left, in the air. She was just barely able to protect her head so she would not fall unconscious as she landed far between the trees. The assassin ran then, and from the distance Merlyn hear him yell the teleportation spell to get him away from there. She may have not let him feel her full aura or see what she was capable of, but Mordred was not an idiot - he could recognize a foe too powerful for him to take down alone.

Defeated, Merlyn slumped down in the moist grass and let her tired eyes fall shut, letting out a heavy sigh that felt like it came from her very soul. But like always, the witch got no time to relax; the sound of at least half a dozen knights coming closer pierced the trees and she had to get up just to run like hell. _"I just can't get a break, can I?"_

 

***

 

By some god sent luck, no one was looking for her when she got back to the castle and most of the guards were watching the gates so she managed to slip undetected to Gaius' chambers. The physician, despite the fact that he had been reluctant to help her, was extremely proud of how the witch handled the situation at the yard. He even had the potion and her own clothes ready for her, so in no time the once again female Merlyn left for her own chambers. Though she had a small suspicion that at least Lancelot knew the warlock had been Merlyn, she was not stopped by him or any one of the others in the loop of her secrets. The only person she did not see on her way though, was Arthur. At first Merlyn thought that he was on the hunt for her too, but that thought shattered at the exact moment she pushed her chamber door open - there he was, lazily reclined on her bed with his hands propped behind his head and legs crossed over the duvet. On the outside at least he did not look angry, so Merlyn plastered a small smile on her lips and stepped inside.

The prince did not look up to her when he asked, "where have you been?" The witch turned her back to the man as she closed the door, shutting her eyes and tried her best to not show how exhausted she really was. Even though Arthur did not seem like he was that mad about her magic anymore, she did not want him to think she did not trust him enough to tell her plans.

When the warrior turned around again, Arthur was staring at her with poorly hidden curiosity shining in his eyes. "I was making sure nothing would happen," Merlyn answered with a shrug. _It is not a lie per se_ , she reasoned to herself and walked over to the jug of wine on her dinner table. _Keep telling yourself that,_ a whisper echoed faintly in her mind, causing her to startle and stumble on her own feet. She hoped with everything she got that Arthur did not notice. "And looking for you actually. What are you doing _here?"_

"I just came," the prince hummed stretching on Merlyn's bed just as the warrior poured herself a full goblet of wine. It was difficult since her hands were shaking a bit, but she managed and was soon moving towards the bed to lean against one of the posters. "How come you did not do anything when that man came?"

To hide the way the corner of her mouth was threatening to rise, Merlyn brought her goblet to her lips and took a big gulp out of it. "Like I said, I was making sure nothing would happen, as I did during the whole thing," she eventually answered and raised her eyebrow at Arthur who narrowed his eyes at her, but never said anything so Merlyn huffed a bit and swatted at his legs to make him move them. "Aww, were you scared without the mighty witch, Arthur?" She continued teasingly when the prince moved his feet to give her space to sit opposite him, back against the bedpost. Surprisingly, Arthur actually laughed at her question and shrugged.

"I have to admit that it was a bit frightening," he admitted sheepishly, but still smiled the whole time and got Merlyn to relax so much that the trembling of her hands subsided almost completely. But eventually the smile on his lips slowly dropped and he sighed heavily, pushing himself away from the headboard of her bed to lean against his knees, bright eyes securely locked on hers below his lashes. "Listen-"

"Arthur, _don't."_ Merlyn cut him immediately off as she scooted forward on the bed and placed her hand on top of his. She knew perfectly well that he was about to apologize or some crap and there really was no need for that; haven't they apologized enough for several lifetimes already? One day it was the prince acting like an ass, and the next it was something to do with Merlyn and her secrets. "I think we both have something's to work on, and I'm not expecting you to just _suddenly_ be fine and I never did expect that, but just… _try_ to see things with fresh eyes. Don't just think about what your father would do or say, think about what _you_ want to do and say."

Arthur had been smiling gently at her words, but suddenly it turned to an almost _smug_ grin, "because I'm supposed to be this _mighty king_ , right?" Merlyn pulled a face at him and slapped at his hand playfully, making him let out a bark out laughter - _of course_ he could now be smug about it now, that arrogant _prat_. "I think I could be a fantastic king, to be honest. I do have the handsome _kingly_ looks, the _magnificent_ sword fighting skills since I am the _best_ and-" _well, now you're just trying to annoy me,_ the warrior thought and pointed a finger at the man's face with her mirth filled eyes narrowed.

"Don't let it go to your head, you _clotpole_ ," her mock-aggravated huff cut his listing off, but she still smiled wider too when Arthur started to laugh at the familiar name she liked to call him. A name she had not used for months, but it still came out so naturally that it sort of freaked her out - but in a good way. This was the first normal - or what was normal for them - conversation they've had since waking up the day they had been traveling to the old fortress. The memory of waking up so close to the prince surged up in her mind and Merlyn had to turn to look at the window to hide the light blush creeping up on her cheeks. She never really blushed, but it had been so long since she had really thought about her feelings for the prince - the feelings that had been buried deep inside her for almost three months now, only because she had known things would get complicated. But maybe soon… maybe soon she could reveal to Arthur that she knew he-

 _The Pendragon will **never** love you the same way he did, so passionately and doing the things you loved to do, _the whisper hissed in her ear making the smile fall from her lips so suddenly that Arthur could not miss it. _He cared about you for **you** , made you feel good about yourself, made you feel like a **goddess** in human form, darling… he would never hate you or shout at you for being who you are._

"Merlyn?"

_Don't you remember? The feeling of watching him make those pieces of shit feel every single cut he made, touching and tasting the blood he had on his face after it… feeling him right there, feeling him in a way no other would feel-_

Big, calloused hands cupped her cheeks all of a sudden and a second later Merlyn's burning eyes focused on the bright blue ones only a few inches away from hers, staring at her worriedly. "Merlyn," he said again now that she was in the right world, his warm breath smelling like wine and fruits washing over her and clearing the last of the strange thoughts she had. "Are you all right..? You suddenly just… _froze."_

Pulling the last of the strength she felt in her mind and body, Merlyn managed to put on a small smile and lean back to pull her face away from his warm hands. "Sorry. I'm just… tired, I guess," the witch mumbled and downed the rest of her wine down her throat before getting up from the bed to take the goblet to the table. Even though her answer was very vague, it was the exact truth - but she was _very_ tired. Physically because of that day, but also emotionally. How much could one person deal with? From experience, Merlyn knew that the whispers in her mind were coming because she was emotionally so unstable these days as she was just waiting for Arthur to make up his mind, Mordred to attack, Morgause to make her move or something else equally awful to happen. Including the nightmares that made her lose the little rest she got, her mind was not exactly clear right now - so the _thing_ behind the wall took advntage of it.

Slowly walking to the window to stare at the people still cleaning out the remainders of the failed pyre, Merlyn sighed heavily and let all the bravado drop with it. She knew that only the change in her posture would let the prince see how weak she felt. "Sometimes.. sometimes it feels like no matter how much I do, it's never enough. Like there's just not enough of.. _me_ , to do everything. Like I'm missing something."

She heard quiet scuffle behind her as Arthur got up from the bed and soon he was standing behind her, close enough for her to feel his breath on her neck. "You don't mean..?" He let the question trail off, but Merlyn knew what he meant and it made her smile a bit bitterly with her head slowly shaking.

"No. _That_ Merlyn is safely locked away, no matter the nightmares and bursts of anger," her eyes found Arthur's reflection as she spoke and Merlyn saw how he relaxed after her answer. "She... I don't need that in my life, and to be honest, no one needs that."

When Merlyn's arms wrapped around her own middle section, she felt how the prince placed his hands on her upper arms, gently stroking them for comfort and warmth - Merlyn had not even noticed that she was trembling a bit. "If it's safely away, how come you still remember?" She heard him ask then. It took her a while to understand what he meant - how did she remember if it was not a part of her anymore?

Sighing, the witch let herself almost fall backwards to bump against Arthur's broad chest and boldly lean against it. He did not seem to mind the touch any more than she did, though he probably saw how weak she felt at that moment. "I remember the memories and I'm glad I do or else I would have years of blank in my mind," murmured Merlyn, hands rubbing her tired face. "I remember what I did and said, but I don't remember how I _felt_ or _why_ exactly I did those things. And I really don't really want to."

"Why?" Arthur quietly asked as he almost absentmindedly rested his chin on top of Merlyn's head. From the window's reflection, Merlyn saw how his eyes were gazing somewhere in the distance.

"Because I'm afraid that if I do, those two world's will collide and destroy me," the witch gingerly admitted as she fought the tears of terror away. She hated how weak she was already, so crying was not really something she needed right now. "To be honest, if I had not experienced the good things after my escape… I don't think I'd be this person right now. I'd be the girl who I was when we met. Broken, cold, _unhappy_ …" It felt like her desperation was oozing out of her the more she talked and that Arthur was sensing it some way. His brows furrowed more and more until she fell silent, but he did not step away from the conversation this time; no, he gently grabbed her upper arms he had been stroking and slowly spun her to face him.

"So you don't miss being that person?" He sought the confirmation and got Merlyn to snort a bit as she shook her head.

"The only thing I miss about it is being confident," the warrior answered almost sadly, but seeing the dubious look Arthur gave her, she almost started to laugh. "Not like that, you idiot. I mean… not being afraid of the outcome but just _doing_ what I was supposed to do without a care in the world. That's what I miss, nothing else."

"Are you completely sure?" Now Merlyn was deeply frowning at him, getting slightly angry because of his second-guessing - something he had been practicing for weeks now. But fortunately Arthur seemed to notice that and he rushed to explain, "I just mean… are you sure you are now happy? You know.. living here?"

Her anger died immediately as she heard those words, the laughter she had felt before now bubbling up in her throat. "Yes, I'm sure," Merlyn snickered and bumped her fist lightly at the prince's chest before her smile turned slightly impish as she peered up at him under her dark lashes. "Though being trusted again would help with that."

Humming, the prince pulled Merlyn into a tight bear-hug that washed away the last of her worries, like he probably had planned it to do. "I'm working on it, don't worry," he murmured against her messy hair almost nonchalantly, but the witch could clearly hear the smile in his voice. He sounded like he was mostly teasing her these days by dragging to actually say the 'I trust you'. With any other thing she would be fine with it, but this was still a matter of life and death to her.

Pulling away from the hug, Merlyn huffed a bit drily, "I'm not going to wait for _too_ long, you know."

"I know," he hummed again, using his left hand to mess up her open hair even more before backing up to the chamber door. But before he even opened it, the prince looked at the witch over his shoulder. His blue eyes were almost dancing with amusement when he asked, "you did not have anything to do with the druid getting away, right?"

The smile on Merlyn's lips widened a bit. "Do you have a problem with her getting away?" She retorted with a raised eyebrow, but the only answer she got from Arthur was a hum before he vanished through the door - but Merlyn swore she saw him smile wide just before the door snapped shut.

 

***

 

The dream was different now. Before, it had been memories of her victims, their screams and desperate, wide eyes staring at her as they drew their last breaths when her blade slashed and gutted them, all the while feeling the burning gaze of Mordred in the woods somewhere behind her. She remembered their names, their stories and who paid to get them killed - she remembered everything and now those things were once again haunting her mind.

But this dream was no memory. She was in the woods, watching herself just stand there with distant eyes next to a pile of rubble. Behind her own figure, there were shadows. Moving, screaming shadows but they stayed in the distance. Her own image did not move when Merlyn walked in front of her, her golden eyes were only locked on something the real Merlyn did not see, no matter how hard she looked.

But the third time she turned back from trying to see what her own image was staring at, she did not come face to face with herself anymore - her eyes landed on a halfway torn off, rusty red mop of hair and milky-white eyes on a deathly-pale face covered in dried blood and tears, unblinking since there were no eyelids.

_"Say bye-bye, Merlyn."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spells:  
> ġesċieppe þrýðbord = create a strong shield  
> fréosan befullan = freeze them completely
> 
> ATTENTION. To all my dear readers, I have sad news.  
> No, I am not abandoning this fic.  
> Nor will I take a break of any kind, but the last chapters and the epilogue will take a bit longer to be published. I had a huuuuge writer's block last week, and instead of taking a break all together, I simply did not write but still published the already finished chapters, so now I only have this one and nothing after. So, try to be patient with me; I will publish a new one as soon as I get it written and edited (and re-edited, tbh, grammar mistakes make my hair go gray). So, apologies, but I hope you enjoyed this one! Remember to comment!
> 
> P.S. Did anyone notice who I used as a disguise for Merlyn?  
> ..not very original, I know, but she is not really a type who would want to be old and joint pained.


	24. Complete - or not.

It was the middle of the night maybe a week after Merlyn had saved Madeleine from the pyre when the warrior woke up from her nightmare because of a strong burst of magical aura coming from not too far from her. It was a new kind of an aura - it felt like the _sea_. It was dangerous if it was stormy, but it had so much potential, so much to discover. Just a second later the warrior heard a horrified shriek come from the corridor, shouting about the princess being in danger so of course Merlyn jumped up from her bed and left running at the familiar chambers she had not been permitted to visit for ages since Morgana had been acting strange. The first thought she had was that the aura belonged to someone wanting to hurt the princess, but when she arrived to her chamber doors and saw the girl hunched in the far corner of her bed and two guards putting out a fire near the window, but the aura was still there close to her… it made sense then - or more like _Morgana_ made sense then. Her magic manifested. Merlyn had no personal experience about magic manifesting later in life, but she had heard that it did odd things to a person. They felt sick from time to time as their bodies prepared for it, and the sickness could make them be snappy or sad for no reason and some isolated themselves until the powers actually came.

But she did not want Merlyn's help. Well, it was not so much as did not _want_ , but did not _dare_ to receive it even when the warrior tried to tell her that she did not care about the trouble as long as Morgana did not have to be alone with this. At least the girl did not try to hide it, not when Merlyn had bluntly stated that she knew what happened. Merlyn did not dare to reveal herself just yet to the princess, no one could be sure how a person reacted to having such power on their fingertips - most were fine with it, but some went so insane with the power and the feeling that they could now rule the world if they so pleased, that they became enemies in the blink of an eye. It was not that Merlyn believed that Morgana was like that, but she wanted her to get used to her own powers before Merlyn dumped her own to add to the shock. And the girl was probably already terrified of hiding her own from her father that she did not really need Merlyn's secret to make it worse.

"Morgana," the warrior sighed as she flopped on the princess' bed next to her. Morgana was stubbornly lying on her side with her back turned to Merlyn. Merlyn was fairly confused how calm the princess was now that the guards left the room, the girl did not seem worried at all. "I want to help you."

"The only way you can help is that you go away now and don't tell anyone," she heard the girl mumble without turning around when Merlyn put her hand on the princess' shoulder. The witch really missed her friend these days. Since the incident with Theo, Merlyn had really not seen Morgana anywhere and it was not that she had not tried, because she _had_ but the girl herself was pushing the warrior away and did not offer any explanation for it. Gwen had tried to talk on the behalf of the princess, but that was not the same. The only time Morgana had seemed to be in a good mood while talking to Merlyn had been the day Morgause had appeared in the castle, but even then the talk had been brief.

"Just _talk_ to me," she continued to plead, ignoring the annoyed huff Morgana let out as an answer. "I just don't understand how you're so calm about this."

The younger girl glanced at her briefly, eyes hard as steel when they found Merlyn's, "maybe because I knew this was happening." The warrior saw a small glint of alarm in Morgana's eyes after she hissed the words.

"…how? Was it a vision?" But the princess just turned away again and refused to answer, though Merlyn saw the way she was fiddling with her bedspread to give her hands something to do. Sighing, the witch scooted a bit closer to the princess and leaned over her so she could see her face better. "At least let me stay here tonight, all right? I won't try to pry about anything to do with… _this_. Let's just hang out. You know, like before… I've _missed_ you."

Merlyn did not miss how Morgana's lips twitched when the older woman admitted missing her, and soon the princess let out a resigned sigh and rolled over to her back. "No prying?" She asked and raised one of her delicate brows at Merlyn, who forced her face to stay as serious as possible and brought two fingers to her forehead as a over-exaggerated salute before placing her hand over her heart, and that made the princess now actually laugh and Merlyn smirk. " _Fine_ , you can stay."

"Great," the warrior hummed and jumped excitedly deeper to the bed, crawling right next to the princess to lean against the headboard. Morgana eyed her a bit suspiciously as Merlyn settled in a good position, slightly moving to the side to keep her distance. "So, what's going on with that man you told me about, hm? The one you've been writing with?"

The princess' cheeks flared bright pink at the question and against everything Merlyn knew about the girl, she actually started to stutter, failing to find the right words at first, "I, uh… t-there's… well…" The whole time Merlyn stared at Morgana with her left eyebrow raised and eyes practically screaming _'don't you even try'_ , and soon the younger girl scoffed hard. "Everything's _fine_. We still have not met, but I really… _like_ him."

Morgana got a thoughtful hum as an answer at first. Merlyn was not really sure what to think of this mystery man Morgana had been writing with. The princess had been very close with Henry, the eldest son of Lord Finn and it had felt like they could be something in the future, but now she had someone new. Though everyone knew that Morgana got bored quite quickly when it came to men, so there was no certainty if she'd commit to this one either. "Tell me about him. What is he like, what's his name… what do you talk about?"

Morgana was biting her lip now, clearly unsure how much she wanted to tell. The warrior understood that the things they talked about could be quite personal, but surely she could tell at least something. "Well.. he's very determined to get what he wants for one. Very good with words, they almost… _enchant_ me when I read them to be honest. And… he has had a tough life, he lost someone he cared for and was left alone for years before he managed to start writing with me. The first letter he sent me was supposed to be just to let me know that he admired how I loved to help the orphans and people in need, but then I answered and we just continued after that," the princess told in a very dreamy, love-sick sounding voice that made Merlyn's eyebrows fly to her hairline. Never had she heard Morgana sound like that, not even when she had talked about Henry. "He dreams of the same things as me, like living free as who we are, finding his own goddess and love…"

 _"Goddess?"_ Merlyn now snorted and received a light slap on her thigh for that, but the princess laughed too.

"Yes, that's what he said," Morgana admitted sheepishly, but shrugged slightly right after that, "but it's not the word he used but _how_ he said it. He talked about eternal love that could not be destroyed even by the strongest of spells, not by the hands of another man or even by distance and hardship. It was very romantic when I read it-" she explained and pulled a face when Merlyn accidentally let out a snicker as the amused laughter threatened to bubble up in her throat, "-but it doesn't sound like it now that I try to tell it again."

" _Riiight_ , so are you his goddess then?" Merlyn asked amusedly, but ended up frowning slightly when Morgana shook her head. "Why not?"

The princess just shrugged a bit at her question. "He has not said anything about that at least, so maybe one day. I don't know," sighed Morgana as he let her head flop back down on her pillow, emerald eyes moving to look at Merlyn's now, filled with mirth once again. "How about you? Are you going to tell me where you were for those three weeks? Arthur was beside himself the whole time but he won't tell me."

"Uh," the warrior groaned, bumping the back of her head against the dark wood behind her, "yeah we had a bit of a falling out then..."

Morgana's interest peaked so quickly that Merlyn suspected she had wanted to change the subject this whole time. "About what?" She asked with both her eyebrows up now, but soon her lips spread to a wicked grin, "or is this about your feelings for him?" Merlyn's eyes went wide for a second before she remembered talking to the princess about her brother. She had never mentioned his name, but Morgana was a smart girl so it was no wonder she had figured it out. Where had Arthur been when the intelligence of the family had been given? Merlyn had not really been that subtle so the warrior was now questioning his decision to say he loved her while she was unconscious even more. Though she had not noticed him acting any differently either, so Merlyn was not really the right person to criticize him about it.

Without realizing, the witch had started to bite her lower lip and Morgana seemed to take that as a yes - the princess' face lit up with triumph, so Merlyn had to rush in to stop her from getting too excited too soon, "It's _not_ like that. He knows nothing nor will he ever find out if it's up to me. I'm not a good person to get involved with."

"That's not true," Morgana still scoffed as she rolled to her side to see the sitting warrior better, "you are the only person who _really_ could handle him. I've never seen Arthur like this. You know, actually acting like a proper prince instead of an arrogant little _boy_ and we all know that you are the person to thank for that. Not many people have the patience and courage to put him in his place once in a while."

The princess prompted a small smile out of Merlyn with her words, but it still got a hint of sadness in it when she sighed, "yeah well, it doesn't matter. It's not like Uther would approve it anytime soon, so…"

Morgana's whole demeanor changed when the warrior mentioned the king; her frame went rigid as she scooted up on the bed, green eyes almost blazing with something Merlyn could only describe as anger when she hissed, "who the hell cares what _Uther_ thinks? He is wrong about a lot of things so why should it stop you?" Her words made the warrior frown deeply and that got Morgana to look down, visibly forcing her emotions to cool down. Never had she heard Morgana speak about her father with so much loathing and anger. Could it really be that now that the princess had her magic manifested, she started to suddenly resent the king so badly? It was a huge leap, but the girl was quite emotional and rash when it came to feelings like hate and love.

Just to keep the peace between them, Merlyn decided to just hum noncommittally and discreetly change the subject to Gwen and Lancelot and their blossoming romance. The princess spoke a lot about what the maid had told her about Lancelot and seemed to forget her sudden anger, but the warrior still noticed the lingering stiffness in her. Even the brief mention of Uther seemed to push Morgana over the edge and the older witch had a bad feeling about it. She did not like to suspect her friends in any way, but the daughter of a king who hunted and killed down magic-users had her own magic now? How the _hell_ could that be something that would just turn out to be a good thing?

But Merlyn knew Morgana was a somewhat rational person when she wanted or needed to be and that the king would not, not in a million years, hurt his own daughter in any way and Merlyn was sure Morgana knew that. He would rather stop the war against all magic that put his own daughter on the pyre, the warrior was sure of that. But… just in case, she really needed to warn Arthur. The prince deserved to know, even when Morgana asked Merlyn to keep it a secret - but how many secrets could Merlyn keep from Arthur? He already knew just about everything there was to know about her, and he really cared for his sister - and his could be the thing he needed to accept magic as a part of life.

 

***

 

The next day, Merlyn tried to hold off the telling as long as she could just to make sure no outsiders would hear - and that meant absolutely everyone other than Arthur and her. She trusted the men, but the fewer that knew the less chance there would be for it to get out. Merlyn just wished that a fewer people knew about her too, her whole existence was a risk these days when so many people knew. Hopefully none of them would decide to go to the king - or worse, to Mordred or any other enemy she had these days.

Merlyn left Morgana's room very early to make a quick visit to her own chambers and put on some better clothes for the training. On her way there, she noticed Margaret lurking suspiciously near the princess' chambers, but did not bother to say or do anything since she knew the maid could not reveal the secrets to anyone. The day was annoyingly chilly, so she had to wrap a red scarf around her neck as well as a tunic under the leather jacket. She also decided to pull on the gauntlets that had come with the jacket for the first time just to protect her fingers from freezing completely.

Luckily everyone only thought that Morgana had accidentally left the window open and a gust of wind had made the candle fall. The warrior made sure not to comment on anything so no one could blame her for lying if the truth got out in the future, and carefully avoided any prying from the men and even the prince at first. But fortunately the main focus that day in training was Lancelot.

Merlyn was one of the first on the grounds, moments later followed by Gwaine and then Arthur before anyone else even showed up out of the castle. The men were grumbling loudly about the weather, kicking the frozen ground but none of them had the guts to actually complain straight to Arthur or Merlyn. But then they all fell relatively silent when they spotted two figures walking from the Lower Town towards the castle.

Gwen was wearing a shawl over her light purple dress and had her wild curls open for the first time since Merlyn had known her, carrying a small basket in her right arm. But her left was tightly intertwined around a very familiar advisor's elbow and the man had a wide, sweet smile on his face that was accompanied by a bright blush that was clearly visible even from the distance. Merlyn had never seen Lance be so shy and awkward around anyone, or even seen him blush like that. He had known the maid for months now, but he never acted any different - every time Merlyn was with him and the man saw Guinevere, his face lit up like it had the first time he had seen her from the distance, before he had been given the job he had now. They were very sweet and perfect together - but that did not stop her from teasing him once in a while. Or anyone else, really.

Gwaine was the one who got the most amusement from seeing Lancelot act so flustered about the woman as was once again evident in the way he let out a wolfish howl when Lancelot bent down to drop a kiss on Gwen's cheek before the maid disappeared in to the castle. The knight's antics about the blossoming romance were nothing new, but it always made the men smirk and even some of them laugh. Lancelot was not so appreciative, though, at least based on the way the advisor scowled hard when he got to the grounds and went straight to Gwaine who was lazily reclined on the ground against the fence.

When the knight noticed how Lance was coming closer though, he scrambled up with a cheerful, a bit frantic smile on his lips and backed up with his hands in the air. "Whoa, Lance, calm down! I'm just mess- _OW!"_ His explanation cut off when Lance smacked the back of his head so hard the sound practically echoed around the grounds.

"Shut it, Gwaine," the bored prince Arthur sighed not too far from the men before Gwaine even managed to think about doing anything and rolled his eyes quite dramatically at Merlyn when she glanced at him, making her bite her lip to keep herself from laughing, "and _focus_ for once." The now grinning Lancelot pointed a finger at the knight with his eyebrow raised as he backed up to stand next to Merlyn, earning a nasty hand-gesture from Gwaine.

"Gwaine," Merlyn huffed waiving her hands at them and stepped between the men before she pointed a finger at Gwaine herself too, "don't pick on Lance so much. At least he has someone and does not need to plow _every_ female in the land to get some attention-," Lancelot was about to say something undoubtedly triumphant, but Merlyn cut him off by moving her finger to point at him this time, "and _you!_ Stop being such a bloody sensitive little _girl_. If you can't handle being picked at, move to a _cave_." Behind her, Merlyn heard a stifled snort coming from Arthur no less, but he managed to pull an almost convincing innocent face when the warrior flipped around to face him. He did not even flinch when Merlyn narrowed her eyes at him, so eventually she just huffed and waived a hand at him to just start already - something he did quite gladly.

Ignoring the two men silently bickering behind her back, the warrior focused her attention to the prince and his plan for that day. She had been there to help him plan it, so without her consent her thoughts started to drift dangerously - and what else could she think about than Morgana right now? It was marvelous how well the princess seemed to be handling everything going on. There had been no hint of lies in her words when she had explained that the reason she had been a bit distant and moody had been the discomfort of the magic slowly manifesting. Even when Morgana had not been able to explain how she had known, she still said that there had been a small part of her waiting for it ever since Merlyn had mentioned that it could be possible. Luckily the princess was not questioning how Merlyn even knew those things, but the warrior still felt really bad for not telling - but she knew it could bite her in the ass even if she did, so it was best to keep it a secret.

A tall figure slapping their hands in front of Merlyn's face snapped the witch from her thoughts so violently that she actually jumped in her place before even registering that it was Arthur standing before her. "Time to wake up and start moving," the prince snorted with his golden eyebrows raised, smirking wide when Merlyn huffed and slapped his chest as a thanks before walking to the quarterstaffs placed on the side. Ever since the first group of wannabe-knights had come to Camelot since Merlyn's arrival, the warrior had been begging Arthur to let her train the men to use the staffs. He had not seen the reason for it since no one went to a battle wielding a staff, but Merlyn had tried to explain that it was much more than that - it improved your flexibility, your reaction time and it would be useful for times when you really had no other choice but use a tree branch for example. But only after she had put on her best sweet, pleading smile and mumbled that a quarterstaff was how she got started so it couldn't have been such a  useless thing , the prince had sighed hard and gingerly agreed to her request - it took only _a year._

"Remember those words when I beat you up," she called over her shoulder as she grabbed one of the staffs, twirling it around her palm expertly and turned to the prince with a grin on her face, "I still have the advantage of actually knowing how to use these things."

Arthur narrowed his eyes at her, the familiar arrogant sneer forming to his face when he huffed, "are you saying that I don’t know how to use them, _Mer_ lyn? I've been trained-"

"-trained to kill since birth, _right_. You said that once before and right after that you got beaten by a girl," Merlyn cut him off and smirked cruelly when his face contorted from annoyance to straight up anger. "I still have _dreams_ about it to this day, _sire._ The _best_ day of my life." It didn't take much to get the prince so riled up that he was practically shaking as he stomped to grab a staff of his own and ordered Merlyn to follow him to the center. Behind his back, the warrior winked at the grinning Lancelot before following her future king, all the while still spinning the staff in her hands. It was her chance to actually teach something other than just sword fighting to the knights, and practicing the use of a quarterstaff actually was useful for a person's physique. It would not be a quick change, but eventually the men would notice. Today's agenda was just to show what you could do with it, not so much to teach yet.

The best way to get Arthur focused on something else than possibly starting to ask questions, was to challenge him and bruise his ego. It was a bad habit of his to get so worked up when someone insulted him, but at least it gave Merlyn some time to figure out how she was going to start the conversation. While she was practically just showing off her skills, her mind was going haywire - could she really tell? What if Morgana found out? What if he told his father? Arthur had taken the revelation of Merlyn's magic _so_ well, that he might actually go a bit insane when he heard that his sister had some too. Did the prince know about Morgana's mother? Maybe she could try to explain that is was normal for the children to 'inherit' their parents' powers - it did not really go that way, but it was rare for a child to be magical if their parents were not.

Never had she been so afraid when Arthur called the training off for that day. A small part of her knew that the longer she waited, the worse his reaction would be - but fortunately the choice was taken from her when Arthur got called to meet his father as soon as he could, so he had to run off to take a bath before meeting the king in the throne room. It was a bit sad that Arthur could not even speak with his father without having to remember Uther was the king of Camelot; she wondered if the prince had ever even experienced a fatherly moment with the king? The sad fact was that Merlyn knew he had not.

The witch walked back in with the prince, so ready to soak in her own bath for hours just to get the ice and fatigue to melt away, to be relaxed enough that she would not react badly herself if Arthur did not take the news well. But before she got to open her door when they reached the familiar hall, Arthur grabbed her wrist. "Will you join me later, to help me?" He asked and smiled a bit when Merlyn turned around to face him. "I am drowning in the reports, and I know father expects to see them by the end of the week."

Raising her eyebrow, Merlyn glanced at his hand that was still holding her wrist and nodded as she gently pulled her hand from his hold. "Sure, I'll help. But you owe me one for that," she hummed, frowning when Arthur snorted at her words.

"It is your job, _Mer_ lyn, I don't need to make any deals with you," he huffed like an arrogant prince he was, but still gave her a playful bow as he backed away closer to his own doors, "but just this once, I'll let you have your fun. I must go now, I will see you later." The warrior nodded slowly, staying to stand before her door with her eyes glued on Arthur's frame as he grinned wide before he disappeared in his room and freed Merlyn from her haze. She felt terrible. Arthur was in such a good mood that day, and here she was, getting ready to ruin it completely and probably sent their friendship back several steps again. Why could they not just get a break once in a while?

Fortunately Margaret had not lost the ability to be a decent maid during her corruption and spying, so there was a bath already waiting when Merlyn entered her chambers after finally ripping her eyes off Arthur's door. The cooled off water was no problem for her, and soon enough the exhausted warrior reached the blissful moment of slowly lowering herself into the steaming, lavender and honey scented water. She was determined to actually soak there for a long moment - truthfully, Merlyn had decided to do the exact same thing like a hundred times before, but every time something had happened. Today, she would _not_ move, not even if the castle exploded.

The tub Merlyn had been given was quite big for her size, so she was able to submerge her entire body up to her neck under the water and rest her head against the padded side of it to just relax and close her eyes. Thanks to her magic, the water would not cool down before she let it so she was in no rush to move anywhere.

But being this relaxed in the quiet chambers without even a single noise coming from outside of the castle or the corridor eventually got her to fall in a state of not being that aware of anything other than her own mind. It was not like she could not react if something came at her all of a sudden, but her mind began to drift to things she had not thought for so long.

The first thing that popped in her head, was the beautiful, faraway memory of the night of Morgana's birthday when Merlyn had helped Arthur back to his room. With everything that had happened, she was still beginning to slowly think that maybe Arthur's feelings had not changed at all - sure, he was a bit more careful with her and slightly uncomfortable with some topics of discussion, but he was once again acting like before; he joked more these days, she sometimes caught him staring at her even when she was not doing anything magical and the most recent thing - he was the one trying to make things right between them again. Sure he had been trying hard ever since Mordred had almost kidnapped her, but now it extended to inviting her to spend time with him, accepting her challenges during training and starting the conversations himself. All that had happened during the last week, right after Merlyn's successful endeavor to save Madeleine. It was a long shot to be honest, but Merlyn had a small suspicion that he knew who the savior had really been.

Drifting even deeper in the water until her chin too was under it and her mind flying further, Merlyn's brow creased slightly when the thoughts took a darker turn. The image of her most recent nightmare of that red-headed woman with blankly staring white eyes appeared in the shadows, just staring at her without doing or saying anything. The warrior's heart began to beat slightly harder because of it, even more when she saw that the figure was not alone. The second person had his back to her, but she could recognize him anywhere. Mordred's head slowly turned to her, grey eyes drilling in hers as a grin spread to his lips. He didn't say anything as he walked closer and brought his hand to cup her cheek.

 _"It was always you and me against everyone else, my love…"_ Mordred's voice whispered without his lips moving while his thumb stroked her cheek. _"I know you remember it."_ How could she forget? Everything was still in her mind even with the wall separating her from knowing why she had done it and how it felt, but she remembered everything. How she had loathed him for months when she knew he was watching her, following her every move. How she had thought it was a connection between them, love or something when they had their first mission together… the way they devoured each other afterwards.

His other hand came up to her face too, tilting her head backwards so their eyes met better. His smiling lips were just an inch away from hers, parted and letting his sweet, intoxicating breath wash over her face and make her heart stutter in her chest. _"I know you loved me then… and I know a part of you is still mine."_ Without her permission, Merlyn felt herself give a small, weak nod as an answer and saw how it made the smile grow even wider. Of course she had, there was no question of it… but there was _no_ part of her that still loved him. Merlyn was not the same person anymore, she was an advisor. A knight in all but name. A protector of a mighty kingdom, of a strong future king. The same future king who had her heart, her soul. Who was the person she loved.

 _"Don't forget how you felt, my love,"_ Mordred's voice brought her attention back to him, the image of Arthur shattered like glass the moment her eyes met the beautiful grey ones. _"Let go, my dear… let it wash over you, let our love drown you. Come back to me…"_ Why did she feel so drawn to him after everything she had been through and everything he had done to her and others? He was a terrible human being, a coldhearted killer. A psychopath. A sudden burst of anger flared somewhere deep in her - but he was _hers-_

Merlyn jerked awake and the thoughts broke and vanished from her mind when she gasped, inhaling water in her mouth and nose. Her whole body had relaxed so much that she had slid beneath the surface all the way - spluttering the water out of her lungs and mouth, the trenched warrior drew gasping mouthfuls of air as she sat up in the tub, hands franticly wiping her wet hair away from her face and burning eyes blinking as she tried to adjust her vision in the dim light the sun peeking through the clouds gave. She almost drowned because she fell asleep in the bathtub. _Well, that's one way to go, I guess,_ Merlyn bitterly thought, eventually snorting slightly - who would've thought that could be a way for her to die?

 

***

 

Even though she was not sure what the dream had been - like every time she dreamed about something terrible these days - it still seemed to linger in her mind and chest as she waited for Arthur to call for her. It was not the same feeling she had after waking up from a nightmare though, it was like a… familiarity of some kind, like experiencing something she had been waiting or hoping for. Something that made her feel like there was something she was missing and needing, but with no recollection or way to find out what it was. And it was extremely annoying thing to feel, so the relaxing bath was for nothing since she was now almost as agitated as before it. Only thing she could do was hope that it would go away before she told Arthur anything.

Almost an hour of waiting later, George knocked on her door and let her know that Arthur was waiting for her, so she changed her comfy clothes to something a bit better for meeting the prince, a deep blue tunic with a vest over it and thick leggings' accompanied by black boots and her belt with a sword attached to it like always. These days one could not really be too careful since danger seemed to be lurking behind every corner, so bringing a weapon to a casual meeting with the prince was quite normal. Brushing her hair hastily to get in some sort of control, the warrior soon headed out the door to his chambers, where George let her in before disappearing with a basket full of laundry to wash.

Arthur had brought the reports and other documents to his dining table this time and spread them all over the long table. He really had not been kidding about how much there was, Merlyn felt like she was drowning again by just looking at them. "Well. This should be _fun_ ," she grumbled to the prince sitting on the head of the table and rolled her eyes when Arthur snickered a bit. "How the _hell_ can you be this behind with these?"

"Father increased the number of patrols around the kingdom since the druid was saved," Arthur drily answered, glancing at her sideways pointedly and grinned when the witch grimaced as she moved to sit on his right side. "It is not that the knights have anything new the tell since the druids are quite well hidden these days." Truth be told, Merlyn was the one to thank for that. Iseldir had been aware that Merlyn had saved the child straight from the pyre and made the king extremely mad, so he had promised that they would re-enforce the wards and other protections around their camp, and would warn others who might be staying in the kingdom.

Shrugging nonchalantly, Merlyn picked up one of the older reports and let her eyes roam over it as she spoke, "there is _one_ thing though." The prince looked at her questioningly over the parchment in his hands and got to see Merlyn grin impishly as she showed the report to him too. "Gwaine is getting worse by the day with these," she hummed with a raised eyebrow and threw the sloppily written report to the side as Arthur laughed.

They did not speak too much about anything other than the news around the kingdom for the next few hours. The reports were mostly filled with more or less detailed information about the bandit activity around the forest and villages, about how much more of them there had been for the last two or three weeks now. None of the reports said anything about magic-users, other than the usual paranoid villager suspecting that their neighbor used magic because their crops were growing better, but nothing could be proven. A few of the written suspicions actually seemed quite legit in Merlyn's eyes, especially one where a woman had told the knights about a child overcoming an illness that was supposed to be fatal, but the writer had ruled it as a false rumor after checking it - the writer was Leon, no less. Reading the report Merlyn had trouble hiding her smile and Arthur noticed it.

"Don't tell me you're starting to enjoy this, Merlyn," he huffed incredulously, as if he was shocked that Merlyn was not already raging and throwing the reports everywhere. Shaking her head, she handed the parchment to the prince with the smile still dancing on her lips and leaned back to watch as the man read it himself. The frown he had at first started to slowly smooth out and even when Arthur tried his best to hide it, the warrior saw a glimpse of happiness in him too. "Ah, I see. Well, we should probably still get rid of this, father might get a bit too suspicious."

"Yeah, sure," Merlyn mumbled as she snatched the report from his hand to crumble it into a tight ball before throwing it to the fire blazing on the other side of the table. They had been working nonstop for hours, so both of them leaned against their backrests to take a small break. Glancing at the prince from the corner of her eye several times, she noticed that the prince was still relatively relaxed - she really needed to say something before his mood went down because of the paperwork.

"You seem distracted," she suddenly heard the prince hum thoughtfully when she had fallen silent for quite some time just staring at practically nothing behind him. When Merlyn looked at him, Arthur's brow was creased in worry and he was leaning a bit forward towards her, his left hand subtly moving closer to hers on the table. The witch felt a huge urge to grab it, just to forget every worry with that small touch.

But she couldn't push this further for the sake of her own joy. "Listen, Arthur… I need to tell you something."

As soon as Merlyn said the words, Arthur leaned right back on his chair and bit his teeth together so tight that Merlyn saw his jaw ticking from the force of it. "That sounds ominous," Arthur murmured resignedly and brought his hands up to rub his tired face. "What is it this time..?"

Merlyn let out a nervous huff of laughter while combing her open, still a bit wet hair with her fingers as her eyes turned to stare at the messy table again. To Arthur's surprise, the warrior mumbled the familiar silencing spell but he didn't get to ask about it before Merlyn opened her mouth again, "just _try_ to keep calm, all right?" He didn't answer, but Merlyn saw from the corner of her eye how his body tensed. It was not surprise that her using the spell and immediately asking him to stay calm warned the prince that the news were not going to make him happy. Sighing, the witch straightened in her seat a bit. "What do you know about Morgana's mother?"

"Only her name, Vivienne. And how she died… why?"

Looking at the prince for a second, she noticed how utterly confused he was already. This was not going to be easy… "Her real name was not Vivienne, you know. It was Viwien," informed Merlyn with a small smile as she looked down again, "she was a High Priestess of the Old Religion and the most powerful Seer in the land-," Merlyn saw how Arthur was about to interrupt her already, but she stopped him with a raised hand, "but she moved to Camelot and took the name Vivienne to speak for the magic-users. She really was married to Gorlois, but… well, you know what happened. Her husband died and she had a child with the king, only to kill herself after. Your father never knew, as much as I'm aware."

"Why are you telling me this?" Arthur sounded and looked exactly the same as he had when she and the prince had had their conversation after she had come back to the kingdom, and that made her a bit terrified. She remembered all too well how he had reacted then and how long it had taken him to get over everything - if he ever even had, really.

"Because I don't want to keep things from you anymore, and because she is your sister," Merlyn sighed weakly, shifting in her seat to turn a bit more to the prince. "The powers of the Seer are magical, but they are a bit different than what I have for example. They are extremely rare, and… they are passed in the family. From mother to daughter."

Arthur was shaking his head before she finished her sentence, but could not form any coherent words from his shock, not that Merlyn blamed him. He might be closer to being fine with Merlyn having magic, but to hear that his sister had too? "How do you know..? W-why?"

"She told me about a dream she had. She had dreamed about two strangers coming to this kingdom and attacking you and me, in your chambers… Morgana saw the dream two days _before_ Aulfric and Sophia arrived." Now Merlyn got Arthur attention again - his eyes spun to Merlyn frighteningly quickly, the familiar look a mild guilt overcoming his face when he undoubtedly remembered what had happened then. He didn't say anything, but Merlyn saw the questioning, almost mad look in his eyes so she did the only thing she could; nodded slowly. "She has the powers, has had them for a long time now. Probably all her life. I swore to her that I would not tell, because having the dreams did not mean she would ever have anything else, _but_... last night-"

_"No."_

The word was choked out silently, resonating agony and denial so strongly that Merlyn's words cut off immediately. As she looked back up to the prince, she was expecting him to be frozen in place, sad, angry, _something -_ but all he did was stare blankly forward for a long moment before almost _calmly_ getting up from his chair and walking to the window he usually stood by when he was thinking hard or just generally brooding about something. Honestly, Merlyn would've taken an angry, raging Arthur anytime, because _this_ Arthur was more frightening than anything - only because when he was like this, she did not know what to do or say, or if she should just leave. But all she really could do was to continue speaking so she would not accidentally keep anything else from him.

"I-I don't know from experience what it's like, but it does things to a person… it's painful, makes their emotions go haywire and usually when they manifest they are out of control. _She_ set the fire," explained Merlyn, swallowing hard a couple of times to get rid of the lump forming in her throat, eyes trained on Arthur's back, "with magic."

The next thing Arthur did was not even that surprising for her, but shockingly Merlyn was able to mostly tune out from it - his rage flared up. After smashing his fist against the stonewall, he started to bellow incoherently and so loud that without the silencing spell, everyone would've known about Morgana's magic, and also Merlyn's. The warrior didn't answer to anything or even move from her seat, she only followed the prince's movements around the room with her eyes and used her magic to save the objects he was throwing. Arthur did not even pay attention to the fact that her eyes flashed repeatedly, he was more focused on cursing the world and his luck - yeah, because everything was about _him_. But when he decided to spin around and point a finger at Merlyn, her focus snapped completely to him just in time to hear him growl, _"you did this!"_

She had been prepared for him to blame anything and anyone else but her, because _how_ could Merlyn be responsible?! She might be a witch too, but it's not like it was _a decease!_ But her attempts for staying calm proved to be a successful thing for once, since the only thing the warrior did was to give Arthur a dry look with a raised eyebrow and soon he was muttering a half-hearted apology before turning his back to her again. No one would blame him for reacting like this to be honest, but Merlyn was not sure if she should be scared or worried, or if _he_ was scared or worried.

"I need to go to her," was the second thing Merlyn's ears heard and she was up and moving before the prince even managed to turn his eyes to the door - he stopped abruptly when he saw Merlyn stand in front of the chamber door, shaking her head. "What? Why _not?_ I _need_ to speak to her!"

But she was not budging, "no, Arthur. You can't. I promised her with my life that I would not tell anyone, so if you go and tell her, she might retaliate."

"Why do you care?" He grumbled back and took a couple of steps closer, hand going on the hilt of his sword almost as a warning. Merlyn might not have shown it, but that was a frightening sight to see. The arrogant, annoying sneer came to his face when Merlyn did not move, and she knew his next words would send her over the edge. "You have magic, you can stop her. Or are you _scared_ , _Mer_ lyn?"

"Okay, that's _enough_." She was done playing nice with the clotpole; Merlyn might have sworn she'd never use her magic against the prince in her right mind, but this was not something she was going to just _listen_. Her eyes flashed and in the blink of an eye the prince was practically flying backwards just to end up seated in the same chair he had gotten up earlier with her walking after and stopping in front of him, leaning forwards with her hands pressed against the armrests and her face so close to his that she could feel his breath on her face. He was vehemently struggling against the magical force pinning him against the chair, but he was not going anywhere if he was about to continue being an ass.

"I am _not_ the enemy and you don't get to blame this on me in any way, Arthur. _Yes_ , I could probably stop her. _No_ , I am not scared _of_ her but I am scared _for_ her. She's very vulnerable right now, and the less people who know the easier it will be for her to get used to having magic," Merlyn growled with her eyes locked on the lighter blue ones that were staring at her wide and shocked. "What would happen if people found out, if your _father_ found out?"

Shaking his head, Arthur opened his mouth again, "how am _I_ supposed to be fine-"

Merlyn slammed her palm against the armrest and managed to startle the prince into silence again. " _Shut up!_ You need to get it into your _thick skull_ that for _once_ , this is _not_ about you. This is _not_ about me either. This is about _Morgana,_ and I'm telling you to leave her _alone!"_ Apparently that was the exact right thing to say - the tension that Arthur had had in his shoulders suddenly left and he fell almost limply against the backrest, face falling slack as the words she growled penetrated his anger. Merlyn waited a couple of second for him to actually understand what she had said before she sighed and slowly dropped down into a crouch between his knees. "I'm sorry, I _really_ am. But no one can stop this from happening. And it will do her or us no good if she thinks she's in danger or that people are talking behind her back. Magic won't necessarily change her in any way, but _the_ _power_ might. I've… I've seen it happen, to others and… and me."

"…you?" Came a weak, choked out question from the prince without him even looking at her. He was still probably trying to figure out what life was.

"Yeah," she sighed and nodded slowly as she placed her palms on his knees. The prince turned to look at her then, though his expression did not change in any way. "It was the feeling of being powerful, in both magical and mundane ways that went to my head, not magic itself. It can happen to anyone, even her. So we just need to keep an eye on her, just in case and… and when the time is _right_ , tell her everything. That you know, that I am like her… all of it. Right now she has enough to worry about, so she does not need our secrets and troubles on top of that too."

Arthur only answered with a tiny nod, never moving his eyes from hers. He looked so _lost_ right then, and Merlyn really could not blame him for it - this was a lot for even the brave, strong prince. It was enough to hear about his little sister having magic, but not being able to talk to the girl about it? It must be painful, to say the least. The warrior gave him a small, gentle smile before patting his knees and getting up. "You probably want some time alone," she mused a bit awkwardly as she took a step away from Arthur. "I should-"

"Stay," a quiet mumble reached her ears before she could finish her sentence. Merlyn looked down to the prince again, but he was staring somewhere behind her. "Just stay, it's fine… I don't really want to be left alone right now, you know? I'm not mad, not at anyone… There's just a lot to digest again."

Merlyn could not help but snort a bit. "I get it. I'll stay," she promised and smile a bit wider when Arthur looked up to her now. "That's what friends are for, right? Being there through tough times too." The corner of Arthur's mouth twitched and Merlyn counted that as a victory, a sign that she had not ruined their friendship again by telling him this. Maybe he now started to see that she could tell him the truth without something pushing her to do it, without a dramatic reveal or a dangerous situation?

Suddenly Arthur jumped up from his seat and managed to make Merlyn jerk a bit backwards, but he only walked past her to his cupboard in the corner of the dining area. He said nothing, just opened up the bottom doors and began to search for something with the determination of a stubborn prince, at least based on the way he was throwing things on the floor to get the out of the way. The sight made Merlyn want to laugh, but she managed barely to keep her mouth shut as she flopped down to sit on Arthur's seat and just watched him go. It didn't take him long though to stand up with an object wrapped in a white cloth.

"I was _supposed_ to give you this months ago as a late birthday gift," the prince said when he turned around, eyes flicking from the bundle to Merlyn. His expression was wary and extremely guarded, but there was a small hint of excitement that made Merlyn even more curious about it. How did the prince even know when her birthday was? "But things happened, and uh… well…" He placed the bundle on the table next to the warrior already fidgeting in her chair from poorly suppressed excitement. She rarely got any gifts for anything, the last time had been from Morgana when she had moved to Camelot but that had been more like a thank you than a proper gift, so Merlyn was not really sure how she was supposed to react to it - so instead of saying anything just yet, she dragged the chair closer to the table and began to carefully unwrap the object.

Or, well, _objects_ as it turned out. Merlyn had seen hundreds of different kind of weapons in her life, from the crude, poorly made to the decorated ones, swords, maces, quarterstaffs and so many more but… these were undoubtedly the most beautiful ones she had ever laid her eyes on. They were very simple, but still very well made. The dropping sun made the shiny steel almost glow as she pulled the first blade from its sheath, dark eyes roaming over it almost hungrily as she took it all in. Almost automatically, Merlyn got up from the chair and stepped to the side to give the first blade a few swirls. From the outside, they looked like any other swords, but they were extremely light and a bit shorter than the one she had on her hip that moment. And there were _two of them,_ apparently either to use the other as a spare or, as she imagined, using them the same time.

The dreamy, amazed look was probably well written on her face as she pulled the other one out too since Arthur was smiling like an idiot on the other end of the table where he had moved to give her the space she needed to test the blades. "I take it that you like them then?" He asked when the warrior lifted both her hands and pointed the tips of the blades forward before twirling them around her palms.

She raised her left brow at the prince, attempting her signature dry, sarcastic look but could not keep her smirk off. "I _love_ them," the witch assured Arthur and laughed as the smile on his face turned from self-pleased to almost lunatic. "What did you expect, Arthur? That I would turn them down just to use Lancelot's old, worn out spare blade? _Hell_ no, these are _much_ more my style. How did you know?"

"I just did," Arthur hummed with a shrug, combing his hair with his fingers and moved closer to her now. Carefully, he took hold of her left hand to turn the blade over and gestured at the sigil carved near the hilt. At first look, it looked like the Pendragon sigil that was on the scabbards but when she brought the blade closer… it was not. It was a dragon yes, but a flying one, more detailed too - the one her necklace had. "I might have had these made a while ago, but… You deserve to honor it, even in a small way like this."

Startled, Merlyn looked up and met Arthur's eyes as he was staring intently at her face. An unsure, small smile came to her lips as she let her hands drop back down. "You had it carved in before you knew about me," the warrior stated first and waited for him to slowly nod, brow creasing in confusion. "And you waited to give them to me all this time. So why now?"

His frown smoothed out and was replaced by a similar, small smile she probably had on as he let go of her hand. "Do you know what I thought after you told me about Mordred that day at the clearing?" Asked the prince, avoiding her question. Merlyn was tempted to point it out, but she decided to play along and shake her head slowly. Arthur's smile widened a bit but his eyes dropped down to stare at the blades she had in her hands. "Firstly, I was angry. Or very  _confused_ , more like. But I remember thinking that even when your story is so dark, it felt nice to know you had a past, a place where you came from. And that even when I was afraid the mystery of you-" they both grinned a bit at the choice of words he had, "-would disappear, it felt like you were… well, more _you_ than before. And that…"

"And..?" The warrior prompted, tilting her head to get him to look at her but he looked to the side this time, a thoughtful look on his face like he was trying to figure out the way to say what he was about to.

Eventually though, Arthur let out a heavy breath but instead of looking sad or resigned, he looked almost like a weight was lifted from his shoulders, like he was now really starting to figure things out. "And I remember thinking that it still felt like I was missing something. That you did not feel _complete,_ " he explained, grinning wider now at the baffled look her face probably had. "I kept telling myself that I was waiting to give you these because I did not trust you. Because I felt like something was still wrong or that I was still missing something, but… _Now_ you feel complete. I see it now, it was the _magic_ I was missing."

 _He accepts me._ Three things happened in the next five seconds. The first was the feeling of utter joy and love and _everything_ flaring up in Merlyn's chest, all the buried feelings for the _bloody_ prince in front of her rushed back in to the surface and she literally felt like all of it could make her explode from pure happiness. _He accepts me._ The second thing was the sound of metal hitting the floor as her hold of the blades disappeared since her body did not want to respond to any sensible commands her mind was trying to sent. _He accepts me._ And the third thing that happened, was a combination of both those things; with a frightening calmness, Merlyn stepped over the still vibrating swords she had dropped, her eyes on his confused ones and…

_He accepts me._

Her arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, the fingers of her right hand pushing in his already messy golden hair as her frame, tiny compared to his, pressed against Arthur's body and lips crashed against his. A brief thought of _what the hell am I doing?!_ crossed her mind, but it vanished the moment she felt a pair of warm, strong arms wrap around her waist to pull her even closer and how the slightly chapped, but still soft, almost burning warm lips answered the kiss in such a hungry, passionate way that if she had still thought he did not love her after everything… well, she did _not_ anymore.

His left hand buried itself in her hair behind her neck to tilt her head a bit back while his lips parted and invited her tongue to battle with his. It felt like a fight of dominance, but they were equals here just as they were on the training grounds. The same time Arthur's right hand traveled down to her hip and gripped to tight, as if he was afraid she'd disappear if he did not hold tight enough - but Merlyn was not in the position to complain since her own hands were holding him just as tight. They moved backwards without her realizing it, not until her lower back made contact with the dining table. Amused, the warrior hummed slightly against Arthur's lips and with no difficulty at all she was soon sitting on the edge of the table with the prince between her open legs. He leaned forward to place his palms against table on either side of her, his body still firmly pressed against hers from their chests to both their hips.

But when he pulled back from her lips and moved to trail his to her jaw and neck, giving her time to breath, the blank veil over her mind lifted just enough to bring up just one thought she had not wanted to think about - Mordred. _Oh no, no, no…_

"Stop, Arthur, _stop_ …" she managed to murmur and moved her hands on his shoulders to push him back. His light blue eyes looked much darker from lust and whatever the else he was feeling and thinking, but they could not do it. Not now. Merlyn pushed him completely off of her and hastily jumped from down from the table, backing up from the prince who had shaken the fog off and was now frowning at her. "I-I'm sorry…"

"What..?" She didn't want to give him a chance to convince her to stay, so before the prince could utter a second word, Merlyn was already collecting the blades from the ground and shoving them to their scabbards. " _Mer_ lyn, do _not_ leave like this again! You-"

 _"I know!"_ Merlyn almost screeched just as she managed to collect the scabbards in her arms and was about to move to the door, but he blocked the way. With all the self-control she had practiced in her life, Merlyn could not keep herself from wincing when she heard the begging tone in his voice. "I _know_ , all right? I-I _know_ I started that, I… I know, and you know too that if _he_ finds out…"

Her excuse was not good enough for him - Arthur moved closer and despite the way Merlyn tried to back away and was shaking her head, he managed to cup her cheeks and tilt her head back so he could see her face, see the sorrow she was feeling. "Is that the only reason, Merlyn?" He asked, not letting her move her head to hide her face from his sharp eyes - and oh how she wished she could. As the realization dawned on Arthur's face, Merlyn knew he saw it. There was no one word for the look she had or what she was feeling - wanting to keep her loved one safe. Denying herself the joy and comfort of having someone close. Desperation, hurt, loneliness, pleading, agony... Everything combined. _"Is that the only reason?!"_

" _Don't_ do this, Arthur…" she begged in a shaky voice as she was too close to tears already, but he was not letting go. The prince repeated the question for a third time, more strongly now. His voice might have resonated with anger, but his eyes told a different story - he _needed_ to know. He clearly had a suspicion already, but he had to hear it. Merlyn did not have a lot of options left; she either admitted her feelings, or ripped his heart apart. Both had the same outcome though - both would hurt enough to kill. "Don't make me say anything, _please_ …" But her reluctance to answer seemed to be answer enough. His hands dropped from her cheeks limply back to his sides as his eyes focused on nothing; he knew she loved him.

And like every time things got too much for her to handle, she ran away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly shorter one, but it did not feel right to write anything else after that. He knows! What will happen next?
> 
> ...I wish I knew, tbh. But to those readers who are waiting for the slow-burn to end, I'll let you in on a secret: she will catch a break eventually. Maybe not in this story, but she will. Or they will, more like. 
> 
> Remember to comment! *hugs and kisses to you all*


	25. Sanity or insanity

"Do _not_ follow me, Arthur!" The warrior hissed the moment she entered her room with the prince hot on her heels. His face was one huge question mark, but he still looked extremely determined - and that freaked Merlyn out badly. "I am not talking about this now, just _please_ go away…" _You should just make him leave,_ a whisper echoed in her mind and made the witch grind her teeth together so hard it hurt her jaw.

As the prince shut the door of her room behind him and Merlyn put the new weapons down on the dining table, she felt how his gaze tried to burn holes in her back and through that on her soul. "I am not letting you walk away this time," came a stubborn answer that got Merlyn to wince hard, though he did not see it since her back was turned and her eyes were practically glued to the window. The sun had already dropped so low that it was only a deep, blood-red speck in the horizon. "I won't let you have a chance to come up with another _lie_."

His words resonated with such deep anger and hurt that it made Merlyn's heart clench painfully for the hundredth time she since she had realized she loved the prince, but this was even worse - did he really think like that of her? Just as a liar and nothing else? Spinning around, her narrowed eyes landed on the big figure of the prince standing in the spot where the setting sun cast the most light - he looked unearthly in the red glow and the lingering rage and bafflement in his face did not make it any better. "Is that all I am to you, _a liar?_ Because from where I'm standing, it looks like I have not actually lied to you about anything," the witch grumbled as she crossed her arms on her chest and stopped to just stare the prince down.

He looked mildly apologetic now, fortunately. "I know, but it does not take away the fact that the things I have found out about you or your thoughts have been under a lot of pressure, you would not have told them to me by yourself," Arthur retorted with a sigh and dropped down to sit on the edge of Merlyn's bed rubbing her face now that the extra energy he had felt seemed to melt away. "I'm just sick of this… _thing_ between us. There is something, I can feel it and I _know_ you can too."

"You're one to talk-" she started to mumble after a long pause but managed to stop herself from slipping out the fact that she had remembered what he had said, gaining a confused look from the prince for that but she ignored it, changing the subject. Merlyn gave him a small, soft smile as she walked to the bed and placed her hand on his, squeezing it tightly. "As long as Uther is the king, as long as my life is considered a crime in this kingdom and as long as I am not fully in control of myself… it can't happen."

He could not argue with that. Arthur might not be aware of what was actually going on in Merlyn's mind, but he still knew about the wall. As long as it was there, there was a risk she might go mad one day and… well, then she needed to know that there was no reason for him not to end her. Because that was what it would take - her death. So, since neither of them could say anything else, the prince let out a heavy sigh and pulled Merlyn into a tight hug with his face buried in her messy hair. His silent mumble reached her ears and it sounded a lot like an admission of love, but the warrior ignored it the best she could so she would not make things any worse despite how much she wanted to return it.

 

***

 

Even though Arthur was clearly hurt about what had happened, he still seemed to understand why. And if that was not enough of a surprise for the warrior, the prince did not even act all that differently with her, so she had no reason to avoid him. Of course there were some lingering looks he was giving her, but they were more filled with sadness than anger, hers were the same but neither of them said a word about what had happened. But regardless, for two weeks everything was normal, between them, in the kingdom - well, almost.

Merlyn had her hands full once again - she had been sensing Mordred near the kingdom too many times for the last five days and it was making her once again extremely jumpy and agitated about everything. The warrior was literally jumping on every sound and sudden shadow, looking over her shoulder when she was walking through the corridors or on the yard, checking the castle both physically and magically every chance she got but if she ignored the fact that Morgana's magic seemed to be flaring up and down every day at least four times for no reason, everything was normal. And that was even more annoying to her.

And she was not the only one acting weird now that the psychopath was close by. Perhaps Morgana too was sensing Mordred, since she was looking over her shoulder a lot too when she was out of the castle. The times Merlyn had seen her walking across the courtyard, alone or not, she was glancing behind her repeatedly as if she was afraid someone was following her. Not that Merlyn blamed her, the warrior had been the same when she had started to notice the auras around her - it was quite overwhelming to be honest. But that did not explain why the princess was going out of the castle alone more these days. Gwen had said that Morgana had a lot on her mind so she needed the space, but the girl still came back just as tense as she had been when she had left.

Merlyn had asked Gwaine to keep an eye on the princess. The knight had not even questioned her when she had asked that, just assumed that Morgana had once again been getting some threats or strange gifts so she needed to be kept safe. But Gwaine had come back empty-handed, only reporting how the princess had been strolling the Lower Town and helping a few kids with their baskets, walking an old lady back to her son and other normal things, so the warrior let herself relax a bit. She was slightly sad that Morgana was still refusing her help and shoulder to lean on, but the girl was tough, Merlyn knew it. And the princess also knew when to come for help when it became too bad, so Merlyn had left the girl alone.

But then, a messenger rode to the city with grim news that almost made Merlyn's retch the content of her stomach out - the patrol that had left two days ago had been killed. All of them; including Sir Leon.

 _"No!_ He _cannot_ be dead!" The warrior bellowed when Gwaine and Arthur came up to her room with the news of the patrol's slaughter, but she could not believe it was true. Her feet was automatically making her pace across the space between her bed and dining table while the two men stood by her closed door. "He… has anyone been there? Seen the bodies, made _sure_ that it's true?!" She was not sure who it hit the hardest - Arthur who had known the knight for his entire life or Merlyn, who was supposed to be on that exact patrol but had left behind to keep an eye on Morgana because the princess had been strange. Either way, nothing was all right anymore.

 _Everyone gets hurt around you, Merlyn,_ a voice sounding frighteningly lot like her own voice sneered in her mind, an image of Lancelot laying half-dead in front of her on the old fortress' floor flashed before her eyes _, you are a decease, you should not be around anyone._

Gwaine was the one who had the courage to move closer and after a bit of a struggle, he managed to force Merlyn to stop her pacing. He had his hands on her shoulders and head tilted forward as he tried to see Merlyn's face; face contorted with denial and agony the same time. "The messenger was _not_ lying, princess," he gently sighed, his hold tightening when Merlyn tired feebly to struggle against it to continue her pacing. "I'm sorry."

But she did not believe it, not even when some of the other knights came to say the exact same thing, not when Arthur told her everything the messenger said, not even when Lancelot tried to get some sense into her head - Leon could _not_ be dead. He was a strong knight, he survived almost everything with minimal damage, she had seen it first hand and… he had been her first real friend in the city. First one to accept her as a part of the ranks, the first one of the knights to find out about her magic and be fine with it… he could not be dead.

But three days later, she was proven right. The city, although covered with the first snow of the winter making the people stay inside more, seemed to be full of life the moment the tall knight everyone knew and loved walked in the city, in full health and without a scratch on him even when his clothing looked like he had been in a massive fight with all the cuts and dried blood.

"We thought you were dead for sure," the prince laughed, relieved as he pulled his second in command into a tight hug and clapped his back so hard that it actually made the smiling Leon wince a bit. Merlyn had been called to the throne room only a few minutes earlier just to see Sir Leon walk in smiling a little when he saw the prince and Merlyn there already waiting. _You should be,_ the voice whispered in her ear, but the warrior used all her will to ignore it.

The knight chuckled at the prince as he pulled away from the hug, but it was now Merlyn who practically ran to him and threw her arms around the tall man's neck. He hugged back to tight that he actually lifted Merlyn from the ground. "I was dead, or as good as, until the druids found me," Leon answered the prince's words when he let Merlyn back down, smiling at the warrior whose eyebrows flew up to her hairline - druids?

The king voiced Merlyn's own thoughts as he almost choked out, "druids?" Everyone in the room had similar, baffled looks on their faces but only Arthur and Merlyn were more concerned for the druids than Leon - who knew what the king would do. Would he go after the druids for healing one of his best knights? Would he execute Leon for letting them heal him?

"Yes, My Lord. I owe them my life," the knight carefully answered with a slight tilt of his head, eyes flicking between the king and his son, but he pointedly tried to avoid looking at Merlyn who was gritting her teeth. She would have to warn the druids that they might be in danger for _bloody helping someone_. The world was unfair.

"How did they heal you? You were as good as dead, you said," said Uther, leaning forward on his throne and frowned at the knight as his suspicions started to visibly rise up, "did they use _magic?"_

Merlyn's breath caught in her throat when the king asked about the magic, even when she knew it was coming. "Well, I..." Leon still hesitated, now for the first time looking at Merlyn for help. Luckily the king was not really paying attention to anyone other than the miraculously alive knight, so he did not notice Merlyn give Leon a tiny nod as a permission to tell the truth - it would do no good if he tried to lie.

"Yes or no, Sir Leon, it's a simple enough question," the impatient king grumbled when it took Leon too long to answer. The tall knight jerked slightly, but cleared his throat and nodded a few times as he tried to gather his thoughts enough to answer.

"I only know that I drank from some kind of cup, Sire," he answered and made Merlyn's whole body tense with the brief mention of a cup - and she knew what cup he was referring to. "It was extraordinary, My Lord. I have known nothing like it. From the moment it touched my lips, I could feel my life return to me." The Cup of Life. It was still around? Merlyn had thought it was destroyed - but then again, magical objects needed a lot more to be destroyed, and the Cup was such a powerful object that who knew if it even could be?

Against all Merlyn's hopes, it seemed that the king's interest peaked slightly when Leon described what had happened and what had been used. Uther might hate magic, but he was still a hypocrite - if something could be used for the benefit of his kingdom, magical or not, he would use it or at least take it away from others. But the old king still hid his interest quite well as dismissed Leon and ordered him to be checked by Gaius. Merlyn was the one who grabbed the knight by the elbow and almost pulled him out of the throne room straight to the physician's chambers.

Leon told the exact same story to Gaius and Merlyn when they arrived to the physician's chambers - he had been on the brink of death but still somehow aware of what was happening around him and the next thing he had known was the strength coming back to his body, opening his eyes and being greeted by a druid holding the Cup in his hand. He had not heard the druid's name, but from the description he was able to give Merlyn was sure he was talking about Iseldir - another reason for Merlyn to be in dept for the druid leader.

"Why does Uther fear the Cup so much?" Merlyn asked after Gaius had let Leon return to his own room at the knights' barracks. The physician was in the process of clearing out the instruments and herbs he had been using, but his movements slowed down a bit after her question reached his ears. Sighing, the old man stopped what he was doing and sat down on the other side of the table, placing his hands on top of it and looked up at the warrior over his glasses.

"Because the Cup can be used for evil as well as good," he started to explain, sounding a lot more weary than Merlyn would've guessed. "Many centuries ago, it fell into the possession of a great warlord. One night, he gathered his army before him. He took a drop of blood from each and every man and collected it in the Cup. Such was the vessel's power that the soldiers were made immortal where they stood."

It sounded a lot like what Nimueh and Morgause had tried to do when Merlyn had been little - forming an army that could not be killed, like the wraith Merlyn had been able to defeat with the sword Kilgharrah had burnished. "So they could not be killed," the warrior deduced and frowned need when Gaius gave her a small nod before he got up again to continue his cleaning while Merlyn sat there almost frozen as the horrific images of what could happen kept coming before her eyes.

"The carnage they wrought was beyond all imagining. The King's no fool," the physician continued with his back turned to Merlyn who looked up from her hands. "He knows that the forces of the Old Religion are rising against him once more. Heaven forbid that the Cup should fall into the hands of Morgause or Mordred."

 _Of course you would defend the murderer, you old piece of **nothing** , _the voice came back again but this time it was shouting and making Merlyn's magic flare up beneath her skin. It took the warrior everything she had to keep it under control, simultaneously shouting at the voice to go away.

"So we need to find it before they do, is that what you're saying?" Merlyn asked, now sounding slightly more angry than before - the whispers and shouts in her mind were not really helping her moods. "You know that I could find it easily, but how could I let _Uther_ get his hands on it? I know you are loyal to him-" she napped as Gaius turned and opened his mouth, "but we both know that giving him the chance to create an army that powerful could be the death of us all. I _can't_ let that happen."

Shaking his head, Gaius placed the bandages he had in his hands on the table and leaned slightly forward to look her straight in the eyes. "Uther hates all magic, he would not use it," he sternly informed the warrior who just scoffed and waived her hand at the physician. Yes, Uther might hate magic, but who's to say he would not use it to get rid of magic-users _and_ get himself an unbeatable army? Merlyn was not going to let anyone get their hands on the Cup, not Uther or Mordred.

Merlyn did not want to stay with the physician any longer just listening to him talk nicely about the damn king, so she headed out of the door straight to her own room. But before she could even consider going to bed already, a familiar rumbling voice echoed in her mind calling her to him. Kilgharrah had been calling her to him once every week at least to ask why she has not freed him yet - and truth be told, Merlyn had just forgotten about that promise. But this time the dragon's call sounded more urgent, so the warrior had no other option but to push her tiredness back and sneak below the castle to meet the cryptic lizard.

" _What_ is it this time, Kilgharrah?" The witch called out before she even got to the ledge. For her amazement, the dragon was already waiting for her on the rock he always stood on when she visited, but this time he looked extremely serious. Like, serious in a _'the world is going to end'_ \- way. Merlyn's heart dropped to her feet when she saw the sharp look in his golden eyes even before he opened his maw to speak.

"There is a storm growing in the horizon, young witch. You need to be prepared," the Great Dragon announced in his low voice, the scales over his eyes scrunching up as a dragon-styled frown. "The dark forces are making their mark in the world as we speak, and we have no time to prepare for it."

"Is this about Mordred? About why he is somewhere near?" Merlyn asked even when she already knew the answer. Whenever there was something bad happening, Mordred was always in the of the Eye of the Storm causing everyone's lives to go downhill.

Nodding, Kilgharrah lowered his massive head near the witch before him, turning it so he could peer at her with his left eye, "yes, but he is not alone as you already know. Whatever you think is about to happen, it will be worse than that. And you won't be able to defeat the evils on your own, young witch, you need to tell the young king what is happening in your mind and heart."

"What?" The confused warrior choked out, letting out a startled bark of laughter and spread her arms to her sides. "I have no idea what you are talking about. Nothing other than severe lack of sleep is happening with me." Between her tiring duties and worry about her friends living in Camelot, Merlyn had not slept almost at all because of the nightmares she saw now every night. She still did not remember any of them completely, but something in her gut told her that they were more like memories of her past - the urge to vomit almost every morning was a big clue for it.

The huge head of the creature came closer now, close enough for Merlyn to feel the warm breath of his on her skin. "You know more than you admit to yourself," he grumbled as he stared her down with his burning eyes, making the witch feel like Kilgharrah was trying to see to her mind. "There is a storm in the horizon, but there is one in you too and you need to take hold of it before it's too late."

The warrior let out a frustrated growl and shoved her palm at the dragon while her eyes flashed, forcing him to move a few feet backwards as a gust of power left her. "Could you for _once_ just tell me what you mean without these _goddamn_ riddles?! You keep warning me about things, but if I don't have time to even prepare, how am I going to find time to _understand you?"_ But even when the dragon knew she was right, he was not saying anything else. What was Merlyn suppose to do with what he told, just lie down and wait? And a storm inside her, what was that about, huh? Yes, she heard the voices sometimes and her thoughts were a bit strange every now and then, but did that mean she was about to snap? Hell no.

 

***

 

Now that the king wanted to focus on finding the Cup, Arthur had a lot more work than before since he had to take care of the council meetings, public audiences and the king's paperwork on top of his own duties. Even when Merlyn offered to help and asked Lancelot and Gwen to assist too, they were drowning in the workload the prince had. And because of it, Arthur was not really able to attend training everyday so it was left to Merlyn and Leon to take care of the knights. Luckily Leon knew exactly what to do, so Merlyn only helped every now and then when the knight needed her to demonstrate something. And, now that the prince was not there all the time, the warrior took the new blades out for the first time since she had been given them almost three weeks ago.

Of course, it was Gwaine who wanted to give her new weapons a test run in the form of a playful battle. She was not about the deny him the honor of being the first one, but he had to share it with someone - namely Lancelot. While she was not yet that excellent with two swords at a time, two opponents would push her to becoming used to it more quickly. _In battle, you cannot ask your opponent to wait while you get a better grip of your weapon or step aside so you can take your time to learn better. You learn as you fight, you learn as you fail and, most importantly, you learn as you win. Push harder, test your limits, and make them regret the day the thought they could beat you,_ Myror had taught her when she had first joined Gregor. The witch had hated the man the second she had laid her eyes on him, but he had been a great teacher and some of the things he had said were still affecting her to this day.

Since Merlyn was facing two extremely skilled opponents using new set of weapons for the first time, the two first tries ended with her losing. She was not mad about it at first, but when Gwaine was staring to once again shout his annoying remarks about him being the best, Merlyn losing her touch and whatnot, the warrior was getting quite irritated. So, the third round went slightly differently. The earlier attempts had been more of her trying to get used to the swords and letting the men do whatever the hell they wanted to without her even trying to use all her skills, but now she too was all in. Though, Gwaine did not know that at first.

The knight started the fight arrogantly with a smile on his face and attacked Merlyn head on with Lancelot behind him waiting for his opportunity. Merlyn used the other sword like she always did, parrying, pushing, twisting and slashing, and managed to get Gwaine back up. When he and Lancelot moved to stand side by side, Merlyn's brow creased as she focused and her left hand lifted up too. Gwaine never lost his smile, though it wavered a bit when Merlyn grinned and spun the blades around her palms. It was her time to attack now - the tips of the blades were jabbed straight forward and then slashed outwards, forcing the men to jump to the opposite directions so now Lancelot was more on her right and Gwaine on the left. They decided to try on throw her off balance by attacking from both sides the same time, but Merlyn jumped out of their way and tumbled on the ground ending up maybe five feet away.

Gwaine was the one cursing when his attack made impact with Lancelot's sword and not Merlyn's - now his smile was gone. He was furiously scowling at the warrior when she flipped back around to face them with a sweet smile on her face. That ended up with Gwaine surging forward at her with Lancelot right behind him and them both slashing from different sides. Now Merlyn stayed right where she was and put her newly discovered skills to use. Fighting with two blades was much more difficult than with one since she had to focus on keeping her grip on both of them tight and not giving any openings to her opponents. It was easier the more she did it - parrying an attack from Gwaine from above and slashing at Lancelot a second later just before jumping and smashing her boot at Gwaine's chest, dodging down when Lance sliced at her head while using her left blade to trip Gwaine and the spinning around to parry Lance with her right one or just simply defending from their simultaneous attacks using one blade for each, one move for each and all her focus on both.

In the end, she managed jump on Gwaine's back with her legs and left arm around him and twisting her torso so they ended up on the ground with her on the bottom but her blade on his throat - but the bad thing was that Lance managed to recover from her kick on his shoulder just in time to be there with the tip of his dagger touching the side of her neck. _Kill them,_ the Darkness growled and made Merlyn see red for a brief moment _._ In a real battle, that would not have been a problem with her - she could've simply sent the dagger and its holder flying - but since there were a lot of eyes on them, she sighed in defeat and let go of Gwaine, but the man did not move. He just fell slack there, his back against her chest with her bent legs under his arms, back of his head against her neck and breathing heavily.

 _"Bloody hell_ , woman," the knight huffed between the breaths and threw his sword somewhere in front of him where Merlyn did not see, "you've been holding out on me." All three of them laughed breathlessly at Gwaine's words, all of them lying on the ground just resting after three extremely tiring spars. It was not the first time they had done so much in such a short time, but it was the first in a long time they were all struggling at least a little.

After the training, Merlyn retired in her room to take a bath and change her clothes before she would head out to help the prince again with his workload. She too had a number of mostly unimportant things spinning wildly in her head from all the documents about grain usages and roadwork, but it was still part of the job and when Arthur really became king one day, she'd have to it anyway as an advisor, so the witch really had no chance to complain.

Stopping to stand before her mirror, Merlyn was briefly lost in her mind as she stared at herself. Even after all this time, she looked almost the same as she had the day Gregor had found her. Of course she had been only almost thirteen then, but still. She was skinny, a bit too skinny to be honest - her appetite had been terrible ever since the nightmares had come back and it showed in the way her cheeks were slightly hollowed and how her ribs were threatening to poke out under her tunic. But being a bit too thin did not change the fact that she had gained more muscle now that she trained a lot more, though she still had some feminine curves visible.

But the biggest change in her was the face and eyes. A year ago, there was nothing but focus and coldness. Her eyes had been hard, blue steel as she had stared herself at the same mirror on her first day in Camelot. The full, scarred lips had been pressed in a tight line more suitable for the warrior she was and her strong jaw had been tight, ticking with slight anxiety and annoyance of being in the kingdom that hunted her kind. But today, she did not see a cold warrior or a powerful witch. In the mirror staring back at her, was a woman who just happened to be carrying a swords on her hip. Her eyes were filled with fear and pain as they stared wildly back, flickering to the sides when the whispers tried to mock her. The lips were relaxed, almost slack and slightly parted, curving permanently downwards.

 _But that is not who you are, now is it?_ On cue, her reflection's face hardened to an expression she recognized too well, the one she had had on since the last days of living with Morgause. It was cold, calculative and not her anymore. The eyes hardened and darkened to almost black as her posture straightened and her chin went up - the same time as the corners of her lips spread to an impish smirk that did not mean well to anyone. _That is you, Merlyn… that is who we are,_ the reflection spoke but the words came from inside her head. The hand of the reflection twitched and too late did Merlyn notice that so did hers.

 _"No,"_ the witch choked when the reflection tilted her head to the side and her eyes started to burn dirty gold - the real her, the one _not_ evil or cruel, spun away from the mirror and brought her palms up to press them against her burning eyes. _"That is not me… that is not me… that is not me…"_ She repeated the mantra for god knows how many times before she felt like her mind was in control again. Merlyn knew what was happening - the emotional baggage she had these days and on top of that everything else happening was making the wall thinner and thinner. It would not break, there was no way but it was making her lose it. Slowly, yes, but if it kept happening like this for too long, she would not be able to hide it from the others for much longer.

Taking a deep breath to calm her breathing, Merlyn straightened her back and headed out of the door but just as she was about to leave the room, a figure crashed against her when she took a step out of the door - and the person was not one she had thought she'd see anytime soon. The princess of Camelot, red-faced and slightly out of breath practically pushed the warrior back in her room and shut the door behind her, but before Merlyn could ask where she had been and why she had been running, the girl spoke, "I need help… w-with the _magic_." And that was all Merlyn needed to forget Morgana's appearance and her own troubles. Merlyn grabbed the girl's wrist and pulled her to the bed where they ended up sitting for over an hour.

Morgana was really distracted, but she still had a lot of questions. She asked what Merlyn really knew about her mother and about Seers in general, but surprisingly most of the questions were about the Golden Age the warrior had once told her about, about the Once and Future King and Emrys. And, though it was not _that_ surprising, Morgana asked if Merlyn thought the person who had rescued the child from the pyre was Emrys. Merlyn answered a bit vaguely, but it seemed to be all the confirmation the princess needed - her extremely tense posture relaxed a bit and she did not seem that distracted after it, though Merlyn still noticed how she was glancing at the window and door every chance she got, and seemed to be lost in her mind more than usually.

They even ate together in Merlyn's chambers and despite the fact that Morgana was a bit snappish and extremely sarcastic the whole time, the warrior could honestly say she had enjoyed it after Morgana left when the sun was going down. Most would've probably been angry themselves if someone acted like Morgana had, but at least the princess had not been mean per se, just a bit sharp with her words. Mostly the princess liked to pry about Merlyn and Arthur, and when the witch did not answer Morgana started to sulk, but other than that she was more like the old Morgana Merlyn had saved over a year ago.

It was not late yet when the princess left, but Merlyn felt like she was going to fall asleep sitting down, but she had promised Gwaine she'd join them in the prince's chambers. Ever since Mordred had been lurking somewhere close, Merlyn had been trying to put up some wards to protect the castle. The most vulnerable entrances had wards that would turn the unwanted intruders away, but they would not last for too long if she did not renew them every other day - and it drained her quite a bit, even when they were not unbreakable.

 

***

 

Knocking quickly on Arthur's door, she peeked inside and saw that the prince was sitting on the head of the table with Leon on his right, Lancelot and Gwen on the other end and Gwaine sitting on a comfy chair near the fireplace with a goblet in his hand, being the only one not helping Arthur with his work and he seemed perfectly fine with that. The others were all so focused on the work that they barely even acknowledged the warrior as she walked past them.

"Ah, I was wondering where you were, princess," Gwaine mused and flashed a bright smile at the tired warrior, gesturing at the other chair where he had been keeping his feet before Merlyn came in. Like every time she saw the knight, Merlyn could not keep herself from grinning a bit even when it did not really reach her eyes. "Wine?"

"No, thank you," the witch hummed as she sat down and propped her feet on his lap before turning to watch the others going through the piles of parchments in the middle of the table. Lancelot and Gwen did not have that much experience with them, but they were intelligent enough to handle the more simple documents, while Arthur and Leon were raised with tutors and political things, so they were going through those that had been discussed in the council meetings. "How's it going in here? Any news about the search for the Cup?"

Arthur glanced up from the parchment in his hands and shook his head slowly. "I don't think father is any closer to finding where the druids are. He has been acting strange though," he sighed and put the parchment down in front of if as he leaned back on his chair. Everyone else in the room focused on him now except Leon, who only briefly looked up at the prince before focusing back down. "Every year when mother's birthday is coming closer, he… he changes. But I don't think he has ever been like this though. Just now, when I was coming back from the council I walked past his chambers and I heard him talk out loud to himself."

Despite the fact that Merlyn's mood was a bit down, she could not help but snort a little. "Maybe he's getting old?" She suggested and earned a dirty look from the prince while Gwaine spluttered with his wine and made Merlyn laugh too. "No, but really. He might be trying to figure something out and for him it might be easier to say it out loud. I know Gaius does that too and he explained it to be because his mind is not as sharp as before, so things make sense when you say them out loud."

Arthur did not seem that convinced of Merlyn's reasoning, but he did not look like he had the energy to start arguing about it so he just focused back on the parchment he undoubtedly had been reading over and over again for a while. Merlyn did not have it in her to help him out right now since her own eyes felt like they would drop down any minute now - snatching the half-empty goblet from Gwaine and sticking her tongue out to him when he tried to protest, Merlyn downed the wine in her throat. It was not helping with her tiredness, but at least it smoothed out the agitation she was feeling because of Kilgharrah's words.

"Are you feeling all right, Merlyn?" Gwen's voice made the warrior startle slightly as it pierced the silent room. The maid looked a bit apologetic when she saw that Merlyn got frightened by her, but the witch waived a hand at her worries.

"I'm fine, just tired," she assured her and flashed a grateful smile. It was truly a pity that she had not spend more time with the sweet maid, even more when every time they met Guinevere showed concern over the warrior. They were not close, not by a long shot but it was like the maid had a sort of maternal instinct and could see when a person had a lot on their mind. Even now she did not look like she believed Merlyn at all. "Don't worry, Gwen, I am fine." A bit reluctantly, Gwen let the topic drop, but Merlyn still noticed how she was sending brief, worried looks to her and even got Lancelot to do the same. Merlyn pulled a face at the man when she caught him looking, but it did not change anything.

Without Merlyn's permission, her eyes slowly fell shut as the room filled with the sounds of quills scratching against rough parchment and the other's by the table murmuring to each other, and soon enough she was dozing against the soft backrest of the chair with her head falling to the side so none of them saw how her brow creased almost immediately as she fell asleep or how her eyes started to spin wildly beneath her lids as her mind decided to play its tricks to her right at that moment.

 _She saw herself standing there in the shadows, holding on the two blades the prince had given her with the tips of them touching the ground. There was blood dripping from them and from the splatter going across her face. The smile, oh the_ smile _on her lips as she looked down on her feet at the figure laying there with blank eyes staring up at the golden eyed warrior. They stared at each other, her with a satisfied smile and him without anything, the blue in his eyes turning to glass and the gold of his hair smeared in red dripping from her blades. Sighing almost contently, the figure twisted her neck to crack it with the smiling lips moving as she mumbled something to herself._

_The golden gaze snapped up to look at her in the eye - but it was not a bright, pure gold as it should've been, it was dirty. Infected, nothing like what Emrys should've been. And the smile. It was crooked, twisted in a way that made her look like the Devil herself and the blood smeared on her face did not help it. "He was not the right one for you," the Devil cackled just as a touch appeared on Merlyn's shoulder. The hand turned her over to meet a face, the face of the one making this all possible. He smiled down to her with his eyes burning reddish gold and blood dripping from the smear on his cheek. Without her permission, Merlyn's hand raised up to touch the blood, to swipe it away from the beautifully pale skin and-_

"Merlyn!" A call made her jerk awake to look wildly around her. The other had probably already left, since the only one she saw was Arthur who was leaning over her with a frown on his face. The witch was not sure if the frown was because she had been doing something in her sleep or for something else, but it turned to a small smile before her suspicions could go any further. "You should go to your own bed, it can't be comfortable sleeping in that chair."

"Oh, yeah. Sure, sorry," the warrior mumbled and smiled a bit sheepishly as she got up from the chair and bid goodnight to him, but the smile did not reach her eyes - this was the first dream she actually remembered from start to finish; everything she had seen, heard and felt. And the last part was the worst - it had felt _good_.

 

***

 

Despite the way Merlyn had tried to reassure Arthur that his father was probably just stressed over finding the Cup and that his age was getting to him, the prince came back every day with a new story of how Uther was acting strange. By day three, Merlyn could not keep saying that it was normal and against all her thoughts about the king, she too began to worry. Like every other magic-user in the land, she wanted to get the king out of the picture in one way or another, but she knew Arthur was not really ready to be a king just yet - and the prince really did care about his father after everything, so how could she not worry?

The first five days, Merlyn was not around to see it for herself so her knowledge of the king's condition was based on Arthur's words - on the first day, Uther had been extremely distracted in the council meeting and had not even reacted when the nobles had reported that magic had been seen on their lands. Or, not at first; when the words had registered in his mind the king had nearly ordered the _nobles_ to be executed for sorcery but Arthur had been able to explain what it really was so in the end just a battalion of knights had been sent to search the land. The second day, Arthur told her that Uther had been very jumpy and had seemed almost scared when they had had dinner together in the dining hall. That was not the fact the prince was worried, but the way Uther had seemed to freeze every now and then in his seat with glassy eyes, before snapping out of it to respond to whatever his children had said.

And things got only worse after that so for the sixth day Merlyn tagged along to the council meeting when she heard the king would be attending it. It was the most boring thing she had ever witnessed, but her focus was still sharp and she kept her eye on the people in there - but she saw nothing. The only thing snatching her focus was the aura of Morgana walking past the chambers twice, but it could not be the reason Uther was literally acting a bit insane - four times his eyes drifted to the opposite side of the chambers form where Merlyn stood and at those times it was like he saw something that made him scared. But it was always quick and nothing magical was happening, so the warrior was out of ideas - that meant she had to go to Gaius with it.

"I have noticed that something is wrong," the physician sighed when Merlyn voiced her concerns and rubbed his eyes behind his glasses. When Merlyn had stepped to his chambers, he had been almost dozing over a thick tome of medical nonsense, undoubtedly after trying read it in one night. "At first I thought it could be exhaustion but nothing has changed after I gave him a sleeping potion."

"How long has this been going on?" The witch asked, confused - the king had seemed fine the day Leon had walked back to the city and he had started to obsess over the Cup of Life so what had changed in only one day?

"Since the day we discussed about the Cup for the first time," he answered in a weary voice, but suddenly he was looking at her over his glasses with narrowed eyes. "Merlyn, you did not…"

It took the warrior a moment to understand what he was asking and it made her anger flare up again as she abruptly got up from the bench she had been sitting, managing to knock over some vials he had on the table. "What?! You think that I…" her words trailed off when thoughts of actually doing something to the king flooded to her mind - they all sounded a bit too good for her liking, but it did not mean she would do it. But considering how she had talked about the king the last time she had been in that room, it was no wonder Gaius suspected her. Groaning, Merlyn flopped back down on the bench but with her back turned to the old man.

"I'm sorry, Merlyn," the physician's sigh came from behind her when she did not continue her sentence. "I don't believe you did anything, I don't know why I asked. But we need to figure out what is happening or things could get much worse. I could use your younger eyes for that." Behind her hands where her face was buried, the warrior let out a small snort and soon she slowly turned back around to face the slightly smiling man who was holding another book for her to go through.

Yes, she might sometimes think about taking things in her own hands and removing Uther from the throne, but she would not do that for real, not when Arthur would hurt because of it. And who was she to do anything only because she was tired of waiting? She was not a god, she had no right to do it. But, the same time Merlyn thought about those things, a small buried part of her shouted that she should just _kill the king._

 

***

 

"Thank you, Your Highness, for taking the time to listen to our grievances," a frail looking woman with her dark hair hidden beneath a faded red scarf and wearing a simple dress that was sadly probably one of her best, shyly thanked as she dropped down to a deep curtsy before the king sitting on his throne. The peasant woman had been one of the many coming to the castle for the public audiences for the commoners and nobles to freely voice their troubles, and she was one of the last ones there. Merlyn had been standing on the side with the knights just in case there was any troublemakers, but everything had gone quite peacefully and that let Merlyn take a moment to just close her weary eyes.

Sleeping for no more than two or three hours per night was really getting to her, especially since her duties were no longer only those of an advisor's. She was also the shadow following the king and sometimes his daughter, a magical shield between Mordred and Morgause, and the kingdom, the physician's assistant and somewhere in between those she was supposed to rest and take care of herself, but the only thing going on then was that she tried to push away the annoying whispers and echoes of her past away from her mind.

Slowly opening her eyes, her dark tired gaze landed on the prince almost immediately. He was standing next to Morgana who was sitting on her throne on Uther's right side, hands gripping the skirt of her dark purple dress. They both had their eyes glued to the woman telling the king her problems, though only Arthur seemed to actually be interested and focused - unlike her Morgana looked almost bored when the poor, weak woman told how she had no way to feed her three children and her sick husband.

Eventually, the king called the audiences to a stop when the last peasant left the throne room after receiving a promise of aid for his village and soon enough everyone in the room started to move out to their own duties or rooms for lunch. Merlyn watched from the side as Arthur moved immediately to help his father out of his throne since the king looked like he could not even stand on his own two feet. Briefly glancing at Gaius, she saw that the physician too had noticed and was now frowning at the sight of Uther swatting his son's hand away as he stubbornly wanted to walk out of the throne room by himself - and of course the prince let him. But again, Merlyn's eyes slid to the daughter of the royal family whose eyes were flicking from Arthur to the king while a small smirk flashed on her lips.

Narrowing her eyes, the warrior watched how the princess glided out of the room with the elegance of a royal lady, right past the king struggling and having to take hold of the wall. But Morgana barely acknowledged it as she waived Gwen to come with her, and soon she was out of Merlyn's sight. At that moment, Uther ordered a guard to help him in his chambers so he could rest with Gaius following not too far and soon it was just Arthur and Merlyn in the room.

From where he was, Merlyn heard a bone-weary sigh and as she turned to look at the prince, she saw him flop unceremoniously on his own throne on the king's left and press his forehead against his palm. "He's getting worse, but he still won't let the Cup be," Arthur mumbled when Merlyn walked closer and peered up to her frowning face. She had still not felt anything magically wrong with the king, so right now there were two options - he was actually just getting old or sick, or someone extremely knowledgeable had hidden any trace of a magical object or a spell from Merlyn's senses.

Not really knowing how she could help, the warrior hummed quietly and placed her hand on Arthur's right shoulder. His head tilted to the right until his warm cheek was over her hand, looking for even a small comfort from the touch. "I wish I could do something," she sighed, eyes drifting to stare at the ajar doors of the throne room. The only things she had not tried was to search Uther's room and mind, but those were difficult to do since the king rarely left his chambers these days and Gaius had not given her a permission to do it. "Come on," the witch eventually hummed and pulled her hand away from between his cheek and shoulder to wave it to the prince, "you need to eat."

Despite the situation, Arthur's mouth quirked to a small smile as he groaned, but after a few second of her staring him down the prince finally dragged himself up from the throne. But just as Merlyn was about comment on his childish behavior, a panicking guard ran to the doors shouting something about _the king_ and _something's wrong._ Both Merlyn and Arthur practically flew out of the room and straight up the stairs to the king's chambers where they heard Uther yell in such a panicked way that Merlyn really though he was in danger - but the reality was that he was shouting at an empty space while Lancelot tried to keep him still, struggling and the only coherent words leaving the king's mouth were _'no'_ and _'Ygraine'._

"Leave us," Merlyn heard Arthur order the guards still in the room and when they left only Merlyn, the royal men, Lancelot and Gaius were left in the room. It only took her a pointed look from Gaius to mumble ' _swefe nu'_ and wave her hand. In the blink of an eye Uther went from a raging mess to a peacefully sleeping man falling with all his weight against Lancelot's arms. Merlyn and Arthur rushed to help him, and soon they managed to drag the monarch on his bed.

Looking at the physician, Merlyn spread her arms to her sides, "what is _happening_ , Gaius?! That is not just a _normal_ illness, even I know it."

"No, it is not," the old man mumbled as he walked closer to the bed pushing his glasses on his nose and leaned over the king with a thoughtful look in his eyes. They had read through dozens of thick books Gaius had, both magical and mundane but they had found nothing that explained this and there were not a lot of them left. Merlyn remembered a lot from those Morgause had owned but even they had not contained anything that would help them right now. "Please, give me a moment."

Backing up a few steps away from the bed, Merlyn gave Gaius the space he needed to perform him examination on the king and in the meanwhile Merlyn's eyes slowly swirled gold as her Mind's Eye went over the room. She heard a questioning sound coming from Lancelot when he noticed what she was doing, but the warrior just raised her hand at him before she moved back next to the bed and frowned deeply. It was strange - her Mind's Eye roamed over the bed that was shimmering faintly but she still felt no magic coming from there. Most of the odd, dark glow was beneath the bed though, where it slowly morphed into solid looking sludge that was not visible in the naked eye. "There's something under the bed…" the witch murmured out loud as the gold faded from her eyes and she dropped to her knees to peer under the bed. Funnily enough, she saw absolutely nothing without the magic but now that she knew where to look…

Stretching out her hand under the bed she grabbed only empty air for a moment before her fingers grazed on something that sent a small jolt of energy through her and brought a small smile on her lips. "There you are," Merlyn hummed triumphantly and let her eyes burn again. Some crafty bastard had tried to hide whatever there was under the king's bed using a masking spell that made the object and the magical aura invisible from afar, but this close… The masking shield became visible in the black and gold sight her Mind's Eye created, but even with it she saw through it. "Gaius, I think I found the thing that is causing this. It's a mandrake root."

An harmonized _'a what now?'_ came from the two men who were not so well-educated about magical things near the foot of the bed, but Merlyn and Gaius did not even acknowledge their confusion.

"A mandrake root?" The physician mused as he walked next to the crawling Merlyn, feebly trying to peer down under the bed, but of course he did not see anything. "We need to burn it immediately, it will hopefully break the spell." Nodding in understanding the witch glanced at the door and mumbled the silencing spell before she pressed her glowing palm against the sludge she had seen before ooze out from under the bed.

" _Onwríðan genip, utan riht wáfiende_." The spell left her lips the same time as she pressed against the shield of mist. At first it only bent under her magic, but after repeating the spell for a second time and forcing her powers to collide with the mist, Merlyn felt it crack a few times before her hand went completely through it and her magic retreated back under her skin. It was disgusting, but the warrior grabbed the dripping root hanging under Uther's bed and scrambled up. She kept the root an arm's length away as she waved her other hand at the fireplace and the second a huge gust of fire burst out the root went flying in to the heat.

What she had not been expecting, was the deafening scream that erupted out of the root the moment it started to burn - she and Gaius both gasped loud as they pressed their palms against their ears to keep the scream out, but Arthur and Lancelot were unaffected. "Oh, _bloody hell_ , I forgot about that," the witch grumbled when she was sure the screaming had stopped. Lancelot had stormed right to her while Arthur went to Gaius, both shaking them as they thought something bad was happening - well, the screech was _bad_ , but not deadly. "The root, it… _ow_ , damn, my ears _hurt_ ," the witch groaned loudly as she rubbed her ears to get rid of the ringing sound, "but yeah, I'm fine. The root lets out a scream that only magic-users can hear."

"Are you _sure_ it worked?" Asked the prince as his eyes roamed over Merlyn, Gaius and his father like he was not sure who he was supposed to worried about. He got up from his knees to help Gaius up - the physician's age was affecting him already, the scream had been much worse for him. He looked like he was not really in this world completely, but at least he was sane enough to focus on the task at hand even though he needed Arthur's help to walk over to the king. " _How_ did it even get in there?!"

"I do not know, sire…" But he could not really give the prince the answers about the king Arthur needed - the mandrake root made no physical marks, if it did the old man would've known earlier what was happening. And since the root had been hidden, Merlyn could not really track the person responsible - though she had a pretty good idea. There were not a lot of people who hated the king enough to actually go to his room and use a spell that would make the man insane, thus humiliating him, and who would even consider a masking spell - Morgause. And as a High Priestess, she would be able to do the spell required to create the root and hide it.

Gaius looked over the bed at Merlyn with a pointed look that again told Merlyn what she needed to do. "It's my turn then?" She asked as a confirmation and got a small nod from the physician as a yes. Breathing deep a few times, she marched over to the king and boldly sat on the edge of the bed while Arthur let out a alarmed sound.

"Your father is not ill in any normal ways, sire," explained the physician when Arthur walked closer to the bed right next to Merlyn, eyes securely glued on the sleeping form of his father. "The mandrake root, while also usable for conventional things, is a mostly used for spells so it won't leave any evidence to find in normal ways. So the only option we have is-"

"..is me, Arthur," Merlyn concluded Gaius' sentence and threw the old man a dry look before looking up to the prince who had his eyes on her now. "I don't know what good it will do, but at least I know I've tried everything. It is not a spell per se-," the witch explained as she waived Lancelot to move away from her so she'd have the space to breath and he would not be affected if there were any blow backs, "-but I _do_ need to use magic. I will be going in his mind to see if there are any lingering effects of the root now that I know what to look for."

"You'll be _reading_ his mind?" Choked out the prince, eyebrows raising to his hairline even when Merlyn shook her head with a small smile on her lips.

Lancelot too looked like he had no idea what was going on, so Merlyn heaved a heavy sigh and spoke again, "not exactly but close. I'll be reading his mental state, his health and… well, his _sanity_." She gave Gaius a _'you explain'_ \- look before turning back to the sleeping king. She eyed the man for a moment, trying to deduce if he could somehow wake up from the sleeping spell earlier than most, but since she saw nothing out of the ordinary she moved on and brought her hands to his head. Her palms were pressed on the monarch's temples, thumbs over his eyes and other fingers spread on his graying hair and soon the witch's eyes started to flutter as her magic began to slowly flow out of her hands to the king's mind.

Then, the bright gold swirled to cover up the blue of her eyes and she dove in the mind of her nightmare.

Merlyn had told the truth about what she was doing - with this, she could not find out what the king really thought about her or even spy on the kingdom's secrets. It was mostly just a blur of colors and lights that represented the moments of his life from his birth to the day the magic was done. But even when she did not see what happened or what memories he had, she could tell where everything had been going wrong - there were a lot of bright colors, lights and even sounds for years and years until there was almost an explosion of pure white light - and then everything was grey, dark, almost disgusting with the exception of one equally bright spot; Merlyn figured that those were the birth of his children, and the darkness was the Purge.

During his whole life, Uther had been severely sick only a handful of times and injured only a bit more. Close to giving up on her search for any lingering effects of the root, the warrior dove deeper when she reached the moment where the fear and paranoia had started - those times were deep red and black in the king's memories, so it was easy for her to see when it had started; it was really only maybe a bit over a week ago if she estimated correctly or maybe even less.

On the outside the situation looked like Merlyn was just holding the king's head with her eyes closed for a long while before the men noticed how the witch's body started to tense as she dove deeper and deeper, draining all her strength to it just to unravel everything about the day the mandrake had been put under his bed and the days following that. And then, it practically exploded to her vision - _black_. Slimy, moving, acid-like darkness slithering in the deepest parts of Uther's mind and memory, a totally different kind from the way his memories of the Purge looked like but it reminded Merlyn too much of the way the mandrake had felt - but it should not have been possible since it had been burned. And there were _voices_ , horrifying screams and whispers, shouts of the king's name and pleads for mercy, the sound of a sword cutting flesh and even the _smell_ of burning flesh.

The tension on her body slowly started to morph into a full-blown tremble as Merlyn's grip of the king's head tightened and it got the men around her moving. Arthur had his hands on the warrior's shaking shoulders while Gaius had his wrinkled ones on Merlyn's hands, ready to pry them off - on the inside, the witch was flowing closer to the darkness with her hands raised up as if to greet it. The form did not move in any direction so in the matter of seconds her palms gently pressed on it as she got ready to try and destroy it - but she really should not have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spell:  
> Onwríðan genip, utan riht wáfiende = Unbind the mist, let the truth be seen.
> 
> Remember to tell me what you thought! Oh, and I have the next (and last) chapter already written, so you won't have to wait for that for too long! 
> 
> ATTENTION: Please leg me know if you spot any mistakes (in my grammar or in the story in general, like anything at all). I'm posting this late at night, so my brain is not really functionin 100% thus I might have missed something. Thank you!


	26. One job

_On the outside the situation looked like Merlyn was just holding the king's head with her eyes closed for a long while before the men noticed how the witch's body started to tense as she dove deeper and deeper, draining all her strength to it just to unravel everything about the day the mandrake had been put under his bed and the days following that. And then, it practically exploded to her vision - black. Slimy, moving, acid-like darkness slithering in the deepest parts of Uther's mind, a totally different kind from the way his memories of the Purge looked like but it reminded Merlyn too much of the way the mandrake had felt - but it should not have been possible since it had been burned. And there were voices, horrifying screams and whispers, shouts of the king's name and pleads for mercy, the sound of a sword cutting flesh and even the smell of burning flesh._

_The tension on her body slowly started to morph into a full-blown tremble as Merlyn's grip of the king's head tightened and it got the men around her moving. Arthur had his hands on the warrior's shaking shoulders while Gaius had his wrinkled ones on Merlyn's hands, ready to pry them off - on the inside, the witch was flowing closer to the darkness with her hands raised up as if to greet it. The form did not move in any direction so in the matter of seconds her palms gently pressed on it as she got ready to try and destroy it - but she really should not have._

Her golden, burning eyes snapped open the exact moment her mouth opened up to let out a ear shattering scream, her eyes saw absolutely nothing but black and red and her grip turned from tight to crushing and the two strong men had trouble getting her to move away from the king while Gaius tried his best to force her hands off of the sleeping, trashing king. The scream just kept going and going even when they managed to get her off the bed, her panic made her trash in the men's hold while Gaius' knelt before her, eyes wide in alarm trying to calm her down - but how could she when she was not even sure _where_ she was and could only see blood and death and horrific sights of her victims and his, and _oh the screams, no, no, no..._

There it was again. The phantom crackling, the hissing and echoing screams, she almost _felt_ them as the poisonous darkness tried its best to claw the way from the king's mind to hers as her Mind's Eye was still connected to the monarch, faces were flashing before her eyes - some she did not know were burning alive, some were pleading for their lives, men and women and _children!_ Then her own loved ones, all with grey skins and blank eyes forming a pile behind a dark-haired and pale-skinned woman who was trying to be like Merlyn, but it was not her - it was _the Devil_ herself with dirty golden eyes and a too wide, distorted smile with blood dripping from the corner of her mouth and the blades in her hands. The head was jerking involuntarily to the side, she walked but in the air and the steps were stiff and her chin was high as she got closer, mouth opening like a snake's - it was too wide, it was horrendous the way the sharp teeth surrounded an abyss of nothing and when the scream left the Devil's throat Merlyn too screamed - but the sound was the same, _they_ were the _same._

 _"Merlyn! You need to calm down!"_  The loud, but gentle voice penetrated her mind, but the visions were not going away. Hands gripped her head from the sides and there she was again, her impossibly large gold eyes only an inch away from Merlyn's wide blue ones just staring at her, head tilted to the side as if curious of the panicking warrior in her tight, clawing grip.

 _"Merlyn."_ She spoke, but the voice was _not_ hers. As if sensing her confusion breaking through the panic, the Devil growled and the grip became tighter and tighter until it felt like she was trying to crush her skull - but the voice spoke again and the pain lessened. Merlyn's eyes opened and the gold vanished from the Devil's eyes only a second before she crumbled to dust and the world got light again - and then it was not her, it was _him_ holding her head but it was not tight, crushing hold. No, it was gentle and the brown eyes before her spoke of love and worry, it was not _her_.

"Hi there," Lancelot softly spoke again and gave her a small, reassuring smile without yet moving his hands from her but let them slide down to cup her cheeks - of course it would be him to get her to snap out, he had done it so many times before. The former-assassin was sadly very used to these and it seemed that the knowledge of how to get her to come back to reality had not vanished from his memory even after all these years. "Are you back with us?"

Her throat was completely dried out after the screaming so all he could do is try to rasp some sort of agreement and nod her head weakly, but the man approved it and let his hands drop from her face to her arms to help her up from the ground where she had been half laying in Arthur's lap where the prince had had to keep her since she had been trashing so strongly. She did not dare to look at Arthur when the prince got up and walked in front of her, she stubbornly kept her eyes on the ground. Her body was still shaking and the resonating screams were still ringing in her ears, and the shame, that was the worst thing out of it all. 

Her eyes slowly moved up to Lancelot's and she saw how he mumbled something to Arthur and Gaius before he wrapped his left arm around the warrior's trembling shoulder and began to guide her out of the room. But before he opened the door, Merlyn turned slightly back to the bed but kept her eyes down. "T-there was something…" her voice was so hoarse that it was barely more than a whisper. "It.. it was not just the root."

"Go rest, my dear," sighed the physician from near the bed where she did not dare to look up to, "I will do my best to find what it is. You did _everything_ you could." She did not have the energy to argue with him, so all Merlyn did was give a tiny nod before she let Lance escort her out to the corridor. He wanted to take her straight back to her room, but the witch mumbled quietly that she really needed some air before going to bed so he changed their direction to a small servants' entrance that led to a side alley leading to the Lower Town that no one really used during the day.

Her mind was empty of any coherent thoughts the whole way out of the castle. The only thing going around was the crystal clear image of the distorted, wrong image of herself she had seen only mere moments ago so vividly before her, and… the voices. Those she could not push away, not with magic or sheer willpower - the screams had been mere echoes since the wall had been created in her mind but they were there again. But the worst part? They made something sick flare up in her gut that she did not want to explore but still knew it was a remnant from her past self.

Lancelot helped the warrior sit on the cold steps leading to the door they had gone through and flopped down next to her with a heavy sigh, rubbing his face in slow moments while Merlyn wrapped her arms around her torso for a feeble attempt to comfort herself. "…Merlyn?"

The witch felt his eyes on her but she did not answer immediately. It was not difficult to explain to him since he had been there when it had all started, but the thought of actually saying it out loud? That was terrifying. "They're back," she eventually whispered and let her head drop down, her open hair sliding down to cover the way a stream of tears escaped from eyes and flooded her pale cheeks, "the voices, _they're back_. I-I think… I think the wall might be going down."

 

***

 

It took her a full day to recover enough for the trembling and lingering panic to end. Lancelot had guided Merlyn back to her room the minute she had told him what was happening before he let the warrior tell her story. He had almost demanded to stay by her bedside to make sure she had someone there when she woke up, but the warrior had not agreed to that. But any other time during that day the advisor had not moved from her line of sight, except when he had to go on his patrol around the Lower Town. Lancelot had been listening Merlyn tell why she thought the wall was going down, he had been there when Merlyn had tried praying again - with no success - and, for her annoyance, he had tried to convince her to tell Arthur about it.

The fact that Merlyn did not really remember when it had all started was a troubling fact, though she knew nothing had been going on before Morgause had appeared back in her life so there was a chance that the Priestess had something to do with it. How though, she had no idea - Cerridwen was a _Goddess_ , so a mere Priestess could not undo what she has done, even Merlyn could not do it just like that. So because of that, she had to think of other options too - like simply being just so tired that the wall became thinner. Merlyn was still holding on to the hope that it was not crumbling, but no one could really know since it could not be seen.

Heaving a silent sigh and closing her eyes for a brief moment as the back of her head bumped against the headboard of the bed, she thought about what Lancelot had said about Arthur. That the prince deserved to know and that it was foolish of her to think she could keep it a secret. Of course it was, but how much more worries did Arthur need? He was already beside himself because of Morgana's newly found magic, his father's strange behavior and keeping the kingdom together when Uther was busy trying to find the Cup and now this. Merlyn had wanted to reveal that she could get the Cup in the matter of a day if she so pleased, but that would lead to unwanted questions of _how_ she could do that.

A knock came from the door and got the warrior to open up her eyes to bid the visitor in. The knocker was Gaius, but the prince was right behind him. They both eyed her carefully, they had not seen her since her breakdown, but Merlyn knew there was nothing to worry about right now. "Did you find out what the thing was?" She immediately asked scooting up to a better position the same time Arthur pushed the door shut behind him and Gaius walked slowly to her bedside.

"How are you feeling?" The old man asked instead, professional eyes trying to find any signs of mental distress from her expression but she kept her face carefully even. The fact that Merlyn was not screaming or shaking anymore must have been a good sign since Gaius accepted her shrug as an answer before sitting down on the edge of her bed. "I did find something," he started, pulling a piece of parchment from the satchel hanging over his shoulder and handed it to Merlyn. It had three simple looking runes drawn to it and they looked faintly familiar, though she was not sure where she had seen them. "Those were painted over the king's heart. I only saw them because I was in the room when he wanted to change into his bedclothes."

"What are they?" The witch asked, utterly confused as she looked up from the parchment to Gaius and Arthur. The prince did not seem too surprised about it so Gaius must have gone to him before coming to Merlyn's room.

The physician's wrinkled hand came over the yellowish parchment and pointed the runes one by one. "This is from the texts written by the first Catha, the ancient clan of warrior-priests' and it means mind or mentality. It is often used as a tool to recover lost memories. The second is also a Catha rune but a more recent one and it means warning or safety depending on the use, but with the last one the use is more malevolent. The last one is from the furthest North of this land from where the first High Priestess' and Priest' came and it only had one meaning," Gaius' face turned more grim now as he pulled his hand away, " _insanity_."

"But…" the warrior had a hard time understanding how in the world Morgause would have managed to do all this. The runes Uther had on him were not common ones and she did not remember ever finding any books or other texts regarding runes from Morgause's fortress. And why would she go so far just to humiliate the king of Camelot when it would've been a lot easier just to kill him? "I thought you could not use runes like this, more than one or two at a time. It is supposed to be impossible, that's what the book said."

"It should be, but it seems that whoever did this, found a way to make it happen. It requires a lot more power than one person could have to even make two runes work like this on a person, but three?" The physician shook his head wearily as he stuffed the parchment back in the satchel and let out a sigh. "I do not know what anyone would gain from this, or how they managed, but I am certain that the mandrake root was tied to it to make it more potent… but there is a way to remove it."

Arthur's interest perked now and he got up from the chair he had at some point sat down. "Remove it? How?" The physician shot a quick look at the prince but most of his focus was on Merlyn who already knew what he was about to say - she had to do it.

"There is a complicated spell I found that should work… theoretically. I do not know anyone who has done it and there are only failures written down in the books," he explained apologetically, "and there were a lot of them."

"But it could work?" Arthur continued without giving the person who would be the one doing it a chance to even open her mouth and looked at the witch now for the first time since after the public audiences. "You said you were powerful, so you could do this… _right?"_ His desperation to get the king back in full health made Merlyn's self-preservation drop to a perfect zero - this is what she was supposed to do, right? Help the prince in whatever he needed, use her magic for him and the kingdom even if it meant healing the king who would kill her for it.

"Sire, it is an _extremely_ difficult spell and even with all her power, Mer-"

But the warrior cut Gaius off by raising her hand at him, but her eyes were locked on Arthur's as he had not looked away yet. The pleading sky-blue eyes were enough to make her forget the last time she used magic on the mad king. "I'll try it," Merlyn promised, giving a small smile to the prince when a relieved wide grin spread to his face and he flopped back down to his seat. It was sad that the worry for Merlyn was not so clear in his mind when the king was ill, especially since she had lost it only a day before, but it was still his father, no matter how horrible of a person. If Merlyn had a father, she too would do everything for him.

As expected, Gaius was not pleased about her decision but all he could do was sigh in defeat and make Merlyn promise she would wait until the next day to make sure she was in full strength. The warrior even accepted a vial of sleeping potion from the old man for the first time since her last forced bed rest before he and Arthur left the room to give her some space to rest and think. Gaius left her another parchment with the spell required to hopefully lift the madness from Uther, so she spent the night memorizing it for the next afternoon.

 

***

 

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Asked Gaius the very moment Merlyn stepped into the king's chambers. She had just come back from Morgana's room where the princess had been fretting over her father's condition and asking a lot of questions about what was going on. The warrior though was not that convinced that the girl was actually that worried she let others believe - yes, Morgana did look like she had been crying or at least been up all night, but the way she was inquiring about his state was too… detailed, to be honest. She was too rational to actually be anxious of his health, though that did not really make that much sense so Merlyn had preferred not to mention about it to anyone.

She gave the physician a small smile and a reassuring nod as she walked over to the bed where the king was sleeping after getting a sleeping potion from Gaius not too long ago, with Arthur sitting on the side watching his father. The prince looked so tired that Merlyn doubted he had gotten any sleep the previous night and the way he had almost permanent worry lines etched on his skin told a lot of his thoughts. "Arthur, you need to move…" murmured the warrior when she stopped next to him, patting his shoulder gently to wake him up from the daze he had been since she stepped into the room. He was very reluctant to move anywhere, but after briefly glancing up to the witch there to try and save the day, he moved without a word next to Gaius who was sitting on a chair by the window.

Uther looked almost peaceful under the effect of the sleeping potion, though his brow was slightly creased and his limbs were twitching once in a while because of the nightmares he was undoubtedly having that very moment. For the first time in her life, she could actually relate to the king of Camelot in some way - they both were having trouble with their dreams and their minds. She did not like to compare herself to the king and finding even the tiniest similarities, but it was a fact she could not get away from. Breathing deeply a few times, the warrior lowered herself to the chair Arthur had been sitting.

"Sire, you need to understand that this spell won't necessarily work," she heard Gaius say behind her back the same time she rolled the light blanket from the king's chest and peered gingerly inside his tunic from the open neckline to see where the runes were. Even when the light of the sun did not touch them, the black, ink-like runes looked like they were almost glowing in the shadows so she could not miss them. "Merlyn might be powerful, but even she has her limits, so-"

" _Just_ get on with it, _Mer_ lyn," the anxious prince cut Gaius off and got Merlyn to shut her eyes for a second as the unwanted hurt of his disregard for her well-being came back again. She could only imagine the disapproving look Gaius was giving to the prince the very moment because only a few second later she heard how Arthur mumbled an apology. The warrior did not answer it, only opened her eyes again and took one more deep breath before placing her left hand on the king's forehead and the right one on his heart over the runes.

" _Ábregdan þis nót fram ðæt bréostloca, ðæt scinn,"_ her voice morphed into the powerful tone Arthur had heard at the fortress months ago and the familiar bright gold covered the dark blue of her irises as the spell took hold. The fires blazing in the fireplace and candles flickered for a few times before flaring up high brighter and stronger than before. _"Ádón ðæt mód ond ðæt gást, geíeðan ðæt ádlung, ic onbéodan þec!_ "

It had been too long since she had used a spell she had never even heard before and when it was such a powerful spell, the effect was instant - it was like someone tried to pull her very soul out of her body, ripping through her muscles and bones to get a hold of it. Using her magic hurt every time but she had learned to ignore it, but this was something she had never experienced before - she actually could imagine hallucinating this moment and actually being on the pyre burning alive. Her magic pushed out stronger than ever, oozing out from every cell and pore in her body, her eyes were burning hotter and hotter by the second but still she knew she could do more.

 _"Ábregdan þis nót fram ðæt bréostloca, ðæt scinn! **Ádón** ðæt mód ond ðæt gást, geíeðan ðæt ádlung, ic **onbéodan þec!"**_ The growl that had been just an undertone in her low voice came forth now, taking over the room as she forced herself to stand up from the chair and push her palms tighter against the king. The flames all over the room were burning white now, making the men behind her back actually sweat as the heat washed over them. Merlyn barely felt it even though she too was also sweating from the exhaustion quickly trying to take over her, but she could not give up. She was supposed to be _Emrys_ , the most powerful witch ever to walk on the land - _how_ could someone create a spell she could not break?

 _"Ábregdan þ-þis nót… fram ðæt bréostloca, ðæt s-scinn,"_ her voice started to falter badly, knees trembling under the exhaustion and the amount of power she was trying to use _, "á-ádón ðæt mód ond ðæt gást… geíeðan ðæt ádlun…"_ She never finished the last try before her legs gave out and the room went dark when the flames snuffed out as her magic pulled back, making the pain from before briefly flare up. The warrior whimpered quietly as she landed on her knees hard on the stone floor and not even two seconds later she felt two warm hands on her shoulders keeping her up as she struggled to keep her eyes open.

It was Gaius holding her, Arthur had rushed straight to his father and was looking under his tunic when Merlyn raised her head. The look of utter disappointment on the prince's face told her everything she needed to know - she had _failed_. "I-I'm so _sorry_ , Arthur…" she managed to mumble though it made it no less sincere, but he did not even look at her. Arthur just pulled another chair and sat heavily down on it, eyes locked on the calm face of the king.

"I want to find the Cup," was what he said next, voice clearly forced to stay strong, "he needs something that will not fail."

Swallowing thickly to fight off the tears of fatigue and anger, Merlyn let the physician help her from the ground back on her shaky feet. From the corner of her eye, she saw that Gaius had his eyebrow frighteningly high as his sharp, angry eyes were locked on the prince but the warrior stopped him from saying anything with a touch on the old man's shoulder before glancing at Arthur herself, pushing the hurt away. "Of course, sire."

 

***

 

She did not let Arthur know that she had always known how to find the Cup, but she gave Gaius tips of how to tell him where the druid camp had been when she had previously been there and where they probably were now. They did not reveal the exact location of course, but when they would get close enough Merlyn could try to speak with Iseldir mentally. Because of the worry and stress Arthur was feeling because of his father, he did not even question it when Gaius came to his chambers two days after Merlyn had tried to remove the runes and presented the prince a few forged parchments about druids and how to find them. For some reason, Arthur delayed the journey by a day before informing that he would only take Merlyn and Gwaine with him. Leon had been left to take care of everything else with Morgana, and the other knight's were needed to guard the kingdom.

The day they left to find the Cup, it was snowing heavily the first few hours so Merlyn did not need to cover their tracks to ward off those who tried to track their direction of travel. Because this was not a journey they wanted anyone to know about, they had left every clothing and object with the crest of Camelot back home. Though Merlyn had gone around it by only removing the sigil from her jacket and the scabbards of her swords' with magic, so she did not need to find anything new to wear.

Even when Gwaine was traveling with Merlyn and Arthur, he did not offer any amusement for them. He did try, of course, by telling the same jokes that usually worked and tried to humor Merlyn by asking things about magic, but nothing really worked since she had a bad feeling about this whole thing and the way Arthur was avoiding talking or even looking at her made things no better. He did talk, but it was mostly just giving orders or asking Merlyn where to go next, but he did not even try to acknowledge the way she tried to speak about the king. So, between just curtly answering the prince's question's and glaring at Gwaine when he tried too hard, she kept to herself.

Her strength had come back the same day Gaius had given Arthur the ways to find the druids and her magic was luckily almost calm under the surface, but neither of those things helped the way she constantly saw flashes of the things she had seen while under the influence of the runes. The feeling of every once in a while noticing a shadow or a figure in the corner of her eye and thinking that someone was lurking close by made her extra jumpy - like she was not already tense enough? But every time she turned to look, she saw nothing.

"How do you think you're going to use the Cup, princeling?" Gwaine asked when they were packing up their camp at dawn after sleeping for a few hours and letting their horses regain their energy. Merlyn had been up the whole time since Arthur had immediately went to sleep and Gwaine had passed out from exhaustion and wine, so she was the only one up to keep watch over them.

The prince was tying up his bedroll in his saddle when the knight asked his question. Arthur glanced over his shoulder, briefly locking eyes with Merlyn as he answered, "you should ask Merlyn that." The curious eyes of the knight turned to her now to where she was already sitting in her own saddle rolling an apple in her hands.

"The person using it must have access to several magic-users who are strong healers or the user must have the Power of Life and Death, which is rare," she mumbled while glaring at the prince's turned head. She could understand his worry over the king, but had Gaius not explained perfectly well that even she might not be strong enough to do the spell? Had the prince really formed some sort of mentality that Merlyn could do everything he asked? He had not even shown a glint of concern over her fatigue or the breakdown a few days before that. "And as the prince here so nicely hinted there, _I_ have it." She earned a dry look from Arthur for that, but she just stared coldly back. He might be the crown prince, but he did not have the right to be mad at her right now.

"What does it even mean?" The confused Gwaine continued as he mounted his horse, wiping his long hair away from his face. As much as Merlyn wanted to snap at him for asking annoying, honestly very stupid questions, the warrior needed to keep emotions under control.

Arthur mounted too and soon, right after Merlyn quietly mumbled a few spells to take down the wards around their camp, they were moving towards the druid camp again. It was not the same she had brought Madeleine, but the druid usually rotated between the same camps so figuring out where they were was not that hard for her. It was actually the same one she had first met Iseldir when she had been on the run from Gregor. "I think the name is self-explanatory, Gwaine…" the witch just sighed and raised her brow at the man riding next to her, and watched how the realization dawned on his face. The Power of Life and Death was one of the aspects of her powers that was the most dangerous and the one she hated the most, thus Merlyn really did not like to talk about it. And she wanted to use it even less, but if that was what the king needed to survive, then she would have to. _Apparently_.

Despite the way Merlyn felt like there were several pairs of eyes on her, the rest of the journey went quite peacefully. She might have let herself get affected by the annoying remarks Arthur was throwing around and because of that she had been sulking most of the way, but other than that nothing too bad happened. A presence not too far from her startled the warrior, but she immediately recognized as Iseldir and soon enough she spotted movement not too far ahead of them between the trees. The camp was further away and Merlyn was glad that Iseldir had not let Merlyn lead the men there - it was not that she thought they'd do anything, but one could never be too careful. "Arthur," the warrior called out and as the prince glanced at her, she nodded at the direction where the group of druids dressed in long, thick capes were walking from. Even with the snow, they blended extremely well in the scenery.

The prince called the riders to a halt and was the first one to drop down from his horse, hand on the hilt of his sword. _After everything, he still has not learned that the druids would never hurt anyone,_ Merlyn grumbled in her mind and rolled her eyes, but jumped down too. Gwaine stayed a bit behind as the warrior walked to Arthur's side and placed her hand on his wrist just to push it off of the sword.

"There is no need for weapons or fear, Arthur Pendragon," the druid in front of the rest called out as he took a step closer and dropped the hood from his head. Iseldir had always looked exactly the same in her eyes; dark grey hair that had come with age, gentle but serious face that now had a soft smile spreading across it as a reassurance for the agitated prince even when his sharp blue eyes were flicking between all three of them - the look softened only a little when it landed on Merlyn, but he seemed to read the situation well enough not to reveal her identity among the druids to Arthur and Gwaine. "You are here for the Cup, are you not?"

"I am," came the prince's tight answer. Even when he was still a bit tense because of the almost a dozen druids in front of him, he took a step closer to the druid chieftain with his hand slightly raised. Iseldir closed the rest of the distance between them, moving so gracefully and slowly that it looked like he was floating over the ground since his feet were not visible from under the cloak. When the druid got close enough, his arms moved under the dark green fabric for a moment before the cloak parted to reveal his hands holding the familiar Cup. The aura of the Cup felt like it was trying to pull Merlyn closer by just being mere few feet away from her - she had to shut her eyes to keep herself from moving closer to snatch it.

"It is yours," announced Iseldir almost ceremoniously, but the smile faded from his lips as Arthur grabbed the Cup. The druid did not let go though, not before giving Arthur one final warning, "you mettle with a power you do not understand, Arthur Pendragon. By taking the Cup of Life you risk more than you know."

Merlyn heard Gwaine scuffle behind her when the warning was said, undoubtedly feeling the same as she did - the words, while said without golden eyes or spells to go with it, resonated with such power that it felt almost like a prophecy. The only person there unaffected was the prince, of course, the only thing he did was scoff and yank the Cup from Iseldir's hands, which did not even surprise the druid - he just smiled again. "I'll take my chances, thanks. Let's go!" The prince grumbled as he spun around and without waiting for their answer, he had went straight to Hengroen to mount him.

But as Merlyn followed him, he surprisingly pushed the Cup in her hands with a pointed look and murmured, "I know you'll take best care of it." A bit baffled by the change in his behavior towards her, Merlyn was only able to give his a small nod before she started to fumble with the laces of the bag attached to her saddle. She was not comfortable putting the Cup somewhere where it was not constantly touching her, so she pulled one of the bags free and threw the strap over her neck, so the back hung in front of her, in her sight the whole time.

 _'Emrys,'_ a mental call came to her mind after the druids had retreated back to the safety of the trees and the warrior was beginning to mount Saewig. She turned her eyes to the way Iseldir had disappeared to with her left foot in the stirrup, pausing mid-movement. _'The Cup is in your care now. Guard it well. The future of this land depends on it.'_

***

 

They were not able to ride far before the sun went down and now the prince was even promising that they could rest for a bit longer since the Cup was easier to get than he thought. Merlyn took it to herself to make them something to eat from the dried meat and vegetables they had hastily packed with them while Gwaine collected firewood and Arthur spun the Cup between his hands as he leaned against a fallen log not too far from the fire. "Such a small, normal looking object with so much power…" the prince mused out loud, watching how the flames reflected from the Cup.

"A lot of simple, small things have much more to offer than you would think," Merlyn retorted and raised a brow at the prince when his confused eyes looked up to her. She smirked and gestured at herself with her free hand while stirring the soup with the other, and actually heard the man snort for the first time in days but did not get to answer as Gwaine stomped out of the forest at the exact moment with a big pile of firewood in his arms.

He was practically trembling from the cold of the winter, and his solution for that was to wrap his cape around his shoulder as he flopped down next to the fire and uncork the skin he probably had wine again instead of water. "You seem to be enjoying this, _Gwainie_ ," the warrior huffed, watching the knight down three big mouthfuls of the wine before he shivered and buried himself deeper in the thick cape.

"Shut it, princess," he grumbled back, ending up eyeing Merlyn suspiciously. The young woman only had the leather jacket and trousers on, but what the knight did not know was that she actually had stuffed a pair of thick leggings' under the trousers and two tunics under the jacket, as well as two pairs of socks under her winter boots that already had a fur-line in them. "How is it that you look like home in this weather? Even the prince looks like he's about to freeze his royal behind over there."

He was not lying, Arthur too was shivering even when he had a blanket and his cape over him, and the fire not too far. But Merlyn only grinned at the knight and flashed her eyes briefly. "How do you think?" She innocently asked and grinned only wider as the knight groaned loudly and attempted to throw snow at her, but the pathetic snowball only landed in the fire.

Arthur handed the Cup back to her when the soup was ready and soon enough they fell into a comfortable silence only interrupted once in a while by the animals roaming the forest despite the winter. Merlyn felt a lot more relaxed now that she was in the nature without having to deal with Arthur's glares, and because she had a magical object right next to her. She was not sure why, but the vast concentration of magic in such a close distance from her got her own magic to settle down even more, and it helped with the voices too. They did not go away, but at least they were much more quiet. Her mood was the same despite that, nothing really made listening to _'they are not worth your time, leave, take the_ _Cup'_ over and over again any better.

"You should sleep too, princess," Gwaine quietly said after Arthur fell down on his bedroll and started to snore quietly. The knight looked tired himself, but he bravely tried to keep his eyes open. "Sleep, I'll keep watch. You look like you haven't slept in weeks."

The warrior let out a bitter huff of laughter as she took a better position against the tree behind her back. "I haven't," she admitted with a shrug, eyes glued to the dying flames of the fire she had made them a few hours ago. "But I still don't feel like I could even sleep… too much going on, you know?" The only answer she got was a agreeing hum before they fell silent - though it took him no time to give up and fall asleep, making the witch snort silently. Gwaine's blanket was only a halfway over him - with a quick flash of her eyes, it pulled itself to cover up the knight all the way so he would not freeze in his sleep.

She was tired to be honest, but Merlyn had a bad habit of making sure everyone else was fine before she even thought about herself. The thought of a good night's sleep sounded so good, but someone really had to keep watch. For over two hours, Merlyn just sat there staring at the clear sky and the stars shining above them, and the moon lighting up the forest around her. Nothing moved, nothing made any sounds… it was beautifully peaceful and quiet.

 _Too_ quiet.

There should've been animals, at least a few birds somewhere in the trees but she heard or saw nothing. Gritting her teeth, the warrior pushed the Cup of Life slowly deeper in her back and pulled it against her chest before moving closer to Gwaine, trying to act like she was about to go to sleep. She could not speak, but luckily the knight was a light sleeper so his eyes snapped open the moment Merlyn's foot touched him. A good side of him knowing Merlyn so well, was that only one look from her told him everything he needed to know - they were not alone. Merlyn did not feel anything around them, but nowadays that did not mean anything anymore - if they learned to mask the mandrake root, they could mask themselves too.

Gwaine slid his hand on the ground carefully closer to his sword to use it and poke the prince awake, but before he could there was a snap of a twig right behind Merlyn that made both of them freeze in their places. Time seemed to stop when Merlyn swallowed slowly and her hands gripped the hilts of her blades that were on her lap beneath the bag where the Cup was, when Gwaine managed to poke Arthur's foot with the tip of his sheathed sword, when Arthur's eyes opened.

A deep breath.

People dressed in black leather wielding sharp blades came running all around them, there must have been at least fifteen or more of them - and she knew who sent them. They were all from the group that Mordred led these days and Merlyn was afraid that this was a part of some greater scheme the assassins had. Jumping up, Merlyn pulled her blades and let the scabbards fall on the ground, spinning the blades around her palms to loosen up her wrists just in time to parry two attack at the same time and kicking back to shove the person who had snapped the twig further away from her. Behind her opponents, Gwaine had his hands full fighting two men too while Arthur had three trying to overpower him, and she hoped they could handle it - Merlyn could not reveal her powers when there was no certainty that they would all be killed. Mordred could not find out.

Grunting as a strong kick landed on her stomach, the warrior slashed at the kicker before dropping down as a sword came at her head. The people trying to attack her were too sloppy for her, she managed to end three of them in the matter of minutes while those who were fighting Gwaine and Arthur were giving their all. Her left blade came up to block a sword that was about to slash at her shoulder, she kicked her right boot at a blonde woman's chest and sent her flying just before she twisted the earlier man's blade and got him to loosen his grip - swinging her right hand, the man's chest opened up under the new, sharp blade of hers. But just as she was about to turn around to face the person she had heard snap the twig, there was a sharp hit on the back of her head that sent her stumbling to the bushes with stars flying in her vision.

 _"Take it, you idiot!"_ A muffled voice grunted somewhere over her when the warrior tried her hardest to roll to her side, but it was hard when the stars in her eyes and the skies looked like fairies dancing before her eyes, mocking her since she was incapable of moving without severe vertigo. _"Are you afraid of a girl?!"_

 _"You know who she is, Alaric, you take it! Hurry up-"_ another voice hissed back the same time a strangely familiar shout came from somewhere further away followed by a loud curse and the sound of steel cutting through flesh, _"-those two won't give up easily, grab her legs!"_

"Wh… what are… whare youdnng?" Every word Merlyn tried to utter came out as incoherent slur as two hands grabbed her under her armpits and other two curled around her calves. Weakly trashing against the hold, she only managed to make the sickness brewing in her gut and head worse. A third pair of hands grabbed the bag she had still miraculously hanging around her neck, rummaging through it in the search of… of what? The warrior could not remember what was going on or what was in her back.

A sudden whistling sound flew right past her ear, whatever had been thrown made the man holding her armpits let go with a pained grunt the same moment the same familiar voice cried out, _"hey, let her go, you rotten bastard!"_

Because the man behind her had probably been hit by something quite deadly, he fell immediately on his back and managed to somehow pull Merlyn and the person holding her calves fall on top of him. The warrior was squished in the middle for a second murmuring something that sounded like the name 'Gwaine' but she could not really be sure as the person who had fallen on top of her used her stomach as a leverage to scramble up and practically punched the soul out of her, before running away. _"Leave her, let's go! Come on, come on..!"_ The shout moved further and further away while Merlyn coughed and spat out blood from her mouth as she had probably bit her tongue when hitting the ground.

 _"Merlyn?!"_ The shout same simultaneously from both Arthur and Gwaine, but the knight was the first one to appear in her line of sight after he rolled her to her back, though her vision was still swimming so she saw two of him. The blurry face of the prince hovered somewhere behind him, looking from her to the woods behind him. She did not really see Arthur that well since the moon shone right to her eyes. _"Are you all right, princess?"_

His voice was still distorted and oddly muffled under the ringing in her ears, but she still managed to answer it with a slow shake of her head. The movement sent a jolt of pain from her head to all over her body and got her to groan in pain. Somehow the warrior managed to roll on her side just to retch out the soup she had just eaten. "I… I him… I _hit_ m-my…" unable to find the right word, she sloppily gestured at the back of her head but the knight apparently got the point - as if she was made of glass all of a sudden, the man gathered her carefully in his arms and almost tiptoed to the camp.

 _"I'll take care of her, you do something with the bodies_." That was the prince talking now, when Merlyn was lowered to a slightly cooled bedroll and covered with a red, huge piece of fabric that was probably Gwaine's cape. No protests were heard from the knight, which was perhaps even more surprising than the fact that Arthur volunteered to take care of her. A quiet scuffle came from her right just before something extremely cold was pressed against the back of her head - the touch sent both pain and shivers across her spine, and made her hiss. _"Sorry… you should drink some water."_

The prince did not wait for her to answer before the mouth of a full waterskin was pressed against her lips. Merlyn drank from it as if she had not drank in months, and almost the exact moment the cold liquid started to flow down her throat her mind began to clear out. It was still fuzzy and unorganized as hell, but at least she started to understand what had been going on. "Ar… Artr… _Arthur_ ," it was starting to irritate her that she could not form words like normally, but at least she now saw only one Arthur when she opened her eyes as the skin was pulled away from her lips. "The… _bag_ …"

It didn't take him long to understand what she meant. He pulled the cape down from her body and without taking the bag from her neck began to throw the things in it to the ground. Merlyn already knew he would not find what he was looking for and the apology was ready on her lips when the prince tried to dig the empty bag even more, desperately even. But before the witch could utter even one, slurred word Arthur had already jumped up from the log he had been sitting and walked off. She had no energy to try and see where he was going, but from the distance she heard the telltale sound of a fist hitting something hard, followed by a long string of curses.

Another shadow appeared over her after a long while. It felt like an hour or even more since the prince had walked off, but truthfully it could not have been more than half of that. Since Arthur had left the cloth with snow stuffed in it under her head, her mind had cleared almost completely but that did nothing good - the only thing it did was to make her feel even worse about the situation. If her focus and reflexes were not so sluggish because of her lack of sleep and the stress of bloody _everything_ , Merlyn could've seen the hit coming and then the people attacking them would not have the Cup right now.

"He's just blowing off some steam, I can see him at this moment," Gwaine mumbled and glanced at the direction Arthur probably was at as he sat down next to her on the log and brought the waterskin back to her lips. Her body worked well again, but she had not really even though about water or her own comfort between the self-loathing.

Only a few small gulps later the warrior pushed the skin away from her mouth and forced herself up from the ground, ignoring the way Gwaine tried to push her back down. "I need to speak to him," she sighed and shook her head when the knight was about to get up from the log to escort her to Arthur. "I can handle it, don't worry."

She did let the man help her up from the ground even though she could've made it by herself, but helping seemed to make Gwaine feel like he was actually doing something, thus his mood was a bit better. But the way to the prince sitting between the trees on a big rock she made alone, carefully not to startle him by accident. Her steps were not that silent, so he heard them and probably figured that Gwaine had not suddenly learned how to walk as lightly as a woman - the prince's shoulders squared and even with the armor and fabric covering his torso, she could see his muscles twitch like they always did when he was agitated.

"I'm sorry, Arthur," mumbled Merlyn the moment she stopped a bit behind him, hands clasped in front of her and head bowed forward. She did not dare to look up to him, not even when she heard him get up from the rock and start to pace in front of her.

"How could you let them take the Cup, Merlyn?" His silent, trembling voice reached her ears not long after she had fallen silent, but the question was not what she had been expecting. As her dark eyes snapped up to Arthur's face, he continued, "I gave you one job. Take care of the Cup, and you blew it. _How?"_

It took Merlyn a small moment to actually understand that Arthur was actually _blaming_ her about the Cup being lost - like sure, so did she but _let_ them take it?! "Excuse me, _sire,_ but if I recall correctly I almost got my brain bashed out of my skull, so pray tell me _how_ was I supposed to stop them?" Her words were punctuated by small steps closer to the man and eyes almost glowing with outrage in the moonlight shining on her face.

But Arthur just scoffed and threw his arms in the air as he turned his back to her again, "oh, I don't know, maybe with those _gifts_ of yours?!" He bellowed, pushing his fingers through his hair and almost pulling them off in the same movement before he spun around to face her again with an accusing finger pointing at her face so close suddenly that the warrior jerked backwards. " _You_. You are _so scared_ of people finding out that you keep them hidden all the time, no matter what is at stake! _You_ -" the finger was waived again as the prince took another step closer and caused the warrior to back up for the first time ever, "-may just have caused the king's death, Merlyn. I gave you _one job_ and you could not even do that correctly. How hard is it, it's not like you do _anything_ else!"

One heartbeat, one accusation, one finger pointing at her nose - that was all it took to get her to explode.

 _"ONE JOB?!"_ She screeched so loud that it echoed all across the forest and from the camp came a startled yelp as Gwaine was woken by the sound, but she did not even care who heard and who was close by - all she saw was red, dots and the alarmed Arthur taking a step back. The pain of her head injury was starting to throb even harder as her voice got higher and louder, but between her anger and shame, Merlyn could not care less. "You think I only had the _one job_ you gave me _yesterday?!_ You think I don't do _anything_ else?! _"_

The rage she was feeling was nothing like she had ever experienced before, not even when she had destroyed half of the fortress when escaping from Morgause, not when she had fought against Mordred for the first time, not when she heard about her mother's death… _no._ This was worse. The warrior was literally shaking from the anger and having to suppress her stormy magic, but the last thing she needed was to go so out of control that the prince would get hurt. Though it did not stop her from marching right before Arthur and shoving him so hard that he actually stumbled backwards, barely able to stand up.

"Is it _not_ enough that I have to save your _unappreciative_ ass every time there is even a little danger, because you run head first at it without a _care_ of your well-being, but I also have to take care of the knights when the odds are against us, _train_ the knights, practically do your paperwork _for you_ , work as a physician's assistant _and_ a personal, verbal _punching_   _bag_ to you!" Every time she mentioned one thing, she shoved the prince again and again, forcing him to back up against a tree before she herself took several steps backwards, fingers pushing through her tangled hair, tucking it and scraping her scalp, the pain of her head injury and the screams coming back stronger were making her feel even more agitated than normally.

"And _oh-"_ an almost manic laughter bubbled from her throat as she threw her arms around, wild wide eyes spinning back to him and locking on the prince's pale ones, "- _don't_ forget the fact that I have to be the personal babysitter to _your_ sister because _you can't handle_ the fact that she has  _magic_ now, and then you ask me to see if I can tell what is wrong with _your_ father! And when I bloody well find that out I get a _fucking_ mental breakdown, _and you don't even ask if I'm fine after it?!"_ She felt like her voice was running out, but still the sound turned louder and louder the longer she went on. The same effect was seen on the golden man before her - the longer she went on, the wider his eyes got and the alarmed he looked.

"Merlyn…" the prince tried to stop her from continuing her rant, but oh, he deserved it so badly _the righteous bastard!_

Her right index finger was stabbed at the prince as she hissed, _"you do not get to talk!"_ It must have been the fact that he saw her eyes flash as her magic desperately tried to get out from under the restraints, since his mouth snapped audibly shut and he even gulped thickly as she continued her pacing, broken fingernails scraping the backs of her palms and teeth gritting together so hard it hurt her jaw. "The only thing you did after that, was practically demand-" the prince attempted to protest but one look from the pacing warrior stopped that before it even started, "-that I do a spell that is _impossible_ to do, and because of that I ran out of energy, I collapsed _and you did not even thank me?!_ "

Now as she spun back to face Arthur, she looked more like he had broken her spirit and heart into million little pieces with his _bare hands_ , the heartbreak and shame of disappointing him so bad was so strong that he could almost feel it. The look made Arthur let his eyes drop from her as she spoke again, this time a bit more calmly but the pain was still clear, "and somewhere between all that, I needed to make sure we don't get attacked by a psychopathic warlock and his friends, so I had set up extremely difficult wards _around the kingdom_ , I had to listen to a dragon _shout_ in my mind along with the other voices day in, day out and I don't even get to sleep for more than _mere few hours_ , and then I remem…   _no_. You know what?" She threw her arms in the air again and started to shake her head and back up from the prince. He looked back up again when Merlyn turned on her heels to wave her hand at the camp, sending out her swords flying to her outstretched hands and began to march deeper into the forest to blow off some steam in her own way. "I'm _not_ doing this right now."

"Do _not_ walk away again, Merlyn!" She heard Arthur shout before she could even walk too far and how he ran after her, but only the hand gripping her elbow stopped her. "That is the second time you were about to say something, so just _say it!"_

It was his annoying ordering that did it for her. She ripped her elbow from his grip by force and without turning to look at him the witch snapped, "and then adding to all that, you make me question myself and my sanity. I have been wracking my brain by thinking _why_ could you not tell me you loved me at a time that I could say it _back?"_

Merlyn took advantage of the way Arthur froze completely after hearing her words, but because of her slight vertigo still lingering after the hit on her head she did not get far before she heard how the prince ran after her. Merlyn really was not in the right mindset to deal with him or feelings or _anything,_ so instead of letting him even come close or try to speak to her, she glanced over her shoulder with golden eyes hissing _'ábregdan clústor ond áscildan mec_ '. A faintly shimmering barrier spread between them, stretching for several hunder feet to her left and right, and stopped the prince from coming closer, but it did not stop him from banging against it only two feet away from her. The warrior did not stop to try and deduce what he was saying - the small use of magic was not helping the storm brewing beneath her skin.

 

***

 

She did not have a destination as she walked, her mind was not capable of focusing on the vast number of trees, bushes and rocks around her and the snow made the walking more challenging but at least the physical exhaustion slowly building up made her anger ever so slowly fade out and eventually, sometime after over two hours or more of walking later, she collapsed on her knees in the snow to bury her face in her palms. Why bother walking when she would have to go back soon to face Arthur? To face what she had done and said?

 _I told you he was not good enough for you,_ the cruel whisper accused in her ear and Merlyn did not even have the energy to try to push it away. Maybe the voice was right? Arthur did not appreciate the things she did, he always found something to blame her for and he was not even completely fine with her magic even though he tried to get the warrior to think otherwise. _He only thinks he loves you, but he doesn't. He wants you to warm his bed and be his magical slave, and nothing more,_ the voice continued, louder since Merlyn made no effort to stop it. Why should she? All the things it had said were true - she _was_ the thing in the mirror deep down, she _had_ wanted to run away with the Cup, she _did_ want the king dead. Maybe everything going to hell right now was because she tried so hard to be a better person when everyone knew she wasn't, because she had buried the real her away… because she _was_ the Darkness?

Shaking her head, she tried to get rid of that thought - it could not be true. If she was really that person, why would she try so hard to be a good human being? Why would she accept a job in Camelot and serve a king who'd kill her? Why would she-

A sudden pain on Merlyn's right forearm shocked her thoughts completely off and startled a pained cry out of the warrior's lips the same time her head snapped up and eyes flung to the point where the pain was - an arrow had scraped the flesh deep. And not just any arrow… " _There_ you are!" A victorious shout rang from behind her, making the witch scramble to her wobbly legs and spin around to peer in the shadows for the caller. She saw nothing, but a loud swoosh caught her attention - she got no time to move before a second arrow pierced the muscle of her thigh, prompting another cry from her as she dropped to the knee of her injured leg. "We've been tracking ya for a while now, lass! You _sneaky_ little minx-" another arrow pierced her shoulder, but the pain was too much already so she could only whimper and try to grab on to the one on her thigh, "leaving the princeling and the brave knight just to wander out here all _alone_."

A low growl erupted from the warrior's throat at the mention of her friends. Despite the fact that the arrow had added spikes to the tip, she forced it to rip through the muscle and tissue as she pulled it off - the pain was still there, but moving in pain without an arrow sticking out of her leg was much easier. In one swift move, she brought her right hand up behind her back and pulled one of the blades out. "I am really not in the mood for this now, boys," she warned them as she gritted her teeth and broke the end of the arrow sticking out of her left shoulder with the sword, but the other end where the tip was pushing out of her shoulder on the back had to be left there since she could not let her eyes move away from the three men in front of her. The one speaking sounded vaguely familiar, so she guessed he had been one of those coming for the Cup. "So I would advise you to turn around and run back to your master, if you're not interested in _dying_ by my hand."

Normally in these situations the threatening men started to laugh at a woman trying to scare them, but it seemed that these three really did know who she was - they grew suddenly so serious that Merlyn suspected they would not dare to attack her first, but still they did not back off. A frustrated scoff left the warrior lips just before her teeth were bared and the blade twirled around her palm as she dropped to a better stance. Even with one blade and a few little injuries she could take out the three of them - at least it gave her a chance to stretch out her bubbling magic.

But before she could do that, the wave hit her from behind - a sense of _his_ magic. The warrior inhaled sharply and knowing that he was close, she spun around and slashed her blade at the spot his head was supposed to be but the thing the sharp edge hit was another blade with a pair of pale grey eyes and a small smirk looming behind it partly hidden in the shadows. Her mind went as badly haywire as it had when taking a trip in Uther's mind, and all she could do was freeze right there with her sword against his and staring wide-eyed at the piercing, calculating eyes staring right back.

Her ears were ringing so badly that she could not hear what he had to say, but the words _little bunny_ somehow managed to pierce the haze, and got her to fall back to reality just to grit her teeth together and withdraw her blade to attack again - but for the first time in almost ever, his eyes flashed when looking at her and in the blink of an eye Merlyn was flying back, hitting the huge pine which had been between Merlyn and the other three men. It was the second time within a few hours that she got her head smashed against something and the effect was just that - her vision went swimming again, swaying from side to side as she coughed hard and in some god sent luck got herself to roll on her side. This time she had definitely pit her tongue and her lip, the pure white snow in front of her colored bright red when she spat the metallic taste out of her mouth and tried to squint at the people around her.

The last thing Merlyn knew before everything went black, was several pairs of boots walking closer before a cold hand stroked her cheek and almost gently gathering her into their arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that! The last chapter will be a sort of an epilogue or like a sneak peak to the next story and I will try to publish it very soon so you won't have to wait for it too long. Thank you so much for reading and pleasepleaseplease remember to comment what you thought of this first part!
> 
> Spells:  
> Ábregdan þis nót fram ðæt bréostloca, ðæt scinn. Ádón ðæt mód ond ðæt gást, geíeðan ðæt ádlung, ic onbéodan þec =  
> Remove this mark from the soul, the skin. Set free the spirit and the mind, destroy the illness, I order thee
> 
> Ábregdan ðæt clústor oþ áscildan mec =  
> Raise the barrier to protect me


	27. Epilogue

The only sound for hours was the quiet rustling of the fire in the corner of a room that was as big as the throne room of Camelot. The fire was the only light, even the moonlight - or sunlight, what time was it? - could not really reach in through the planks and stones covering the windows, there were not even any cracks in the darkened, old stonewalls to show what was on the outside. In the middle of the room, a thick line of chains was hanging from the roof up high and another was attached to the floor. Between them hung a figure with her head falling down, a thick curtain of black hair hanging over her face, surrounded by shapeless things dripping black slime. She had dried blood on her chin and also on her bare left shoulder and right thigh, but no wounds were to be seen. Her chest was rising and falling slowly, eyelids pressed close but she was very much awake, listening to her surroundings.

The moment slow, light footsteps accompanied by the rustling of a long red dress and black cloak reached her ears, her head lifted up and dark, night sky blue eyes opened to blankly stare at the smirking blonde woman walking closer. The woman hanging from the roof with her hands up in the air and toes just barely touching the floor did not show any emotions to the Priestess stopping just a feet away from her, but neither did she move her eyes from her face. "I hope you have enjoyed your stay, dear," the older woman hummed, eyes sliding from her face up to the chains and the cuffs on the prisoners wrists. "Did you like what I created? They won't make you feel so bad all the time, but if you do anything, the pain will be worse than you could imagine."

Oh, she did not need to imagine. The moment she had been chained there and left alone, she had tried with all her power and instantly regretted it - the pain that the normal magic-restraining cuffs caused was bad enough, but at least that had been manageable. With these, the excruciating burning pain all over her body, like a crushing, twisting feeling around every cell had been enough to make her unconscious for a whole day but it had not been enough to make her stop trying easier the next few times. But nothing worked, and after three days she had given up, just waiting for a chance to escape in some other way.

The Priestess' cold, brown eyes lowered back down to her when the prisoner's mouth opened a couple of times, trying to speak but nothing came out, so the blonde woman bent forward closer to her just to get her nose bashed in by the prisoner's forehead in one quick, still strong movement. "You have no idea what pain is until I get out of these and come after _you_ ," Merlyn growled when the Priestess stumbled back holding her nose, glaring at the warrior over her hand. The only thing the Priestess saw was the wicked, warning smile on the warrior's lips - was she supposed to be afraid _of Morgause?_

Just as the woman was about to retaliate and already forming up a spell that would undoubtedly cause a lot of pain, a calm voice rang from the entrance Morgause had walked earlier, "ladies, calm down. We are not here to fight, only to do what we have started." Mordred walked slowly, almost lazily closer with his eyes glued on the grumbling Merlyn who trashed unsuccessfully against the chains. It was fortunate that the man had no idea about her magic, he did not seem to even know what the cuffs were created to do, but the reality of being there in his mercy was not really that tempting to her.

Merlyn's eyes latched on to the assassin when he patted Morgause's shoulder a few times before stepping between the women, head tilting to his left as he took all of the warrior's furiously glaring eyes in. "Says the person who almost got me killed twice trying to kidnap me in the span of a day," she hissed, struggling to move back when his hand came up but he was still able to cup her cheek. "Or what about the times when you got me locked up to literally torture me, almost got me killed when I wanted to leave too and just mentally torturing me for the fun of it by stalking me and sending me gifts?"

But her words only brought a small smile on Mordred's lips, he had never been affected by her anger so why should this be any different? "Necessary evils only, my love," he murmured and stroked her bruised cheek with his thumb, a sick glint of excitement in his pale eyes as they roamed all over her face and body, "you will understand eventually."

" _Do not touch me_!" Yelled the witch as he tried to slide his hand on her neck, kicking up with her chained legs and managed to make the man back up a few steps closer to Morgause still murmuring some sort of a healing spell on her nose. "I am _not_ your love, you _psychopath_! I don't know what you think chaining me up for the third time will do, but it will definitely not make me think I want to run back to you."

"We'll see, my dear… we'll see," he only hummed, smile widening even more. The way he was so excitedly waiting for something to happen only fueled the anger and need to kill him she was feeling, but he did not pay attention to her trashing anymore when another sound of footsteps echoed in the room somewhere behind the warrior. She could not turn around, but the way Morgause and Mordred both straightened their backs and smiled in an almost friendly way, made her realize that this must be the third person she had seen in Margaret's memories.

"Is it really necessary to chain her like that..? It is not like she could escape with you two here…" The person mumbled and when Merlyn's brain caught up after a long moment and she recognized the voice, her heart dropped to her gut and a wave of sorrow washed over her.

The Priestess scoffed at the question and waived a dismissive hand at the direction of the warrior. "Absolutely necessary, you do not know how cunning she can be, my dear," Morgause informed, the loathing she felt for Merlyn was so clear the warrior could almost feel it, before spreading her arms wide as an invite for a hug for the person behind Merlyn's back. Her bleary eyes followed the figure walking past her straight to the Priestess' arms and hug her tightly before turning to face Mordred - the smile she gave the assassin was almost shy, but also extremely familiar to the warrior.

"I should've guessed he was the one you spoke about…" murmured Merlyn and got the girl's attention - green, almost scared wide eyes flung to her, but Merlyn was staring at the smugly grinning Mordred. "A goddess, really Mordred? I thought I told you not to ever call me that?" The green-eyed girl was utterly confused, but the grin on Mordred's lips only widened when Merlyn mentioned the letters, _'he talked about eternal love that could not be destroyed even by the strongest of spells, not by the hands of another man or even by distance and hardship.'_ Now that she saw those two together, it was not that hard to imagine who Mordred had written about.

A satisfied, nonchalant hum left the man's throat as he lifted his hand again and touched Merlyn's bruised cheek again, though this time the warrior did not even bother to move away. "Why change the truth of what I have seen and what's to come?" He asked with a wink, ignoring the incoherent words leaving the shocked princess whose eyes were flicking between the two warriors, her glaring at him and him with something actually close to affection in his eyes.

But before she could even think about answering with something extremely sarcastic, a string of words from the Old Religion reached her ears - Merlyn's head snapped to Morgause's direction just in time to spot her golden eyes and a faintly grey force leaving her hands that crashed against the warrior. She did not fall completely unconscious, but her body went limp, flying momentarily backwards before the chains pulled her right back to where she had been.

 _"She needs to be left alone to finish what has begun before the spell's first part, and that means the both of you."_ Merlyn heard the words Morgause said, but she had no control over her body so all the witch could do was to hang with her head falling down and listen to the three sets of footsteps leave the room, followed by a heavy thump of the door closing behind them. It must have been only a few minutes, though it felt like hours, but eventually the warrior slipped out of the conscious world, visions of things she had never seen flashing in the darkness her closed eyelids gave.

_*_

_"Sire, it has been eight months," a voice in the gray mist spoke just before the sight turned clear revealing the familiar council chambers of Camelot. There was no graying king sitting on the head of the table, but a young, golden man with his brow burrowed deep and fingers impatiently tapping against the armrest as he listened to one of the nobles. "You must accept the fact that she might be…"_

_Even though the sentence trailed off, everyone in the room knew what the old noble with mostly gray hair and extravagant clothing meant - and it seemed that the man at the head of the table was not happy about it. His fist smashed against the table, startling everyone sitting around it and standing on the sides. "No, I will not accept it before I see proof of… d-death," he had trouble saying the word, but none of the people around could blame him, especially not the men dressed in armor and red capes who had similar frowns on their faces, "and none of you will be able to convince me otherwise. Council dismissed!" The dismissal was punctuated with a sharp wave of his hand, and none of the council members dared to stay behind and argue about it._

_Three brave men from the sides walked closer to the brooding, clearly hurt golden man. "Sire? Shall we leave to search soon again?" The tallest knight asked, head tilted forward and eyes staring intently at the floor so he would not intrude. "If we could find Lancelot and Sir Gwaine, we could-"_

_"They left over six months ago after hearing what had happened," the golden prince grumbled, fingers pressing against his closed eyes and sighing in defeat, "not that I blame them. They always cared more for her so looking for her under the command of Camelot was not working for them… they won't be found, we all know that." After giving the knights their orders to search for whoever was lost, the golden man was left alone with a girl wearing a purple dress and had her black hair twisted into a tight bun in her neck._

_"Arthur," the girl quietly called for the man, placing her delicate hand over his that was slightly trembling on the armrest, "how can you be sure she did not… just leave?"_

_A hard scoff left the man's throat and glanced at the younger girl, a heated glare directed to her, "she would not do that. I know it, and so do you and everyone else in this kingdom. How could you even suggest it? I know her…"_

_The girl bit her lip tightly, looking a bit hurt and worried the same time, but as the man's eyes slid back down, the girl rolled her eyes before donning on the same, careful tone of voice she had before though it was slightly colored with anger. "But do you really?" She asked with her left eyebrow raised, giving the man a pointed look when he looked back again. "How much did you really know about her? From what I saw, she was never really… content to being under any authority and living in one place… and she never really trusted anyone enough to, well, be at home..."_

_The sight was starting the fill up with the gray mist again, but the last thing visible was slightly defeated expression on the golden man's face._

_*_

_She was in a different room and no longer hanging from the roof. This room had a bed, a closet and even a mirror, but the mirror was covered and she had no interest to it. The only thing her focused latched on to was the satisfying feeling of cracking her neck and shoulders after being hung from her arms for god knows how long, though her wrists were still tied in the cuffs. Still, she was quite comfortable there, sitting on the somewhat soft bed and leaning against a wall._

_After a while, the sun was hanging so low that it sent some red and orange rays on the room from a small crack in the planks covering the window - and they hit perfectly the place where a small, decorative key had been placed within her reach. She stared at it with her head tilted for a moment, before a cold smirk spread to her lips as she mumbled, "thank you, my love."_

_*_

_There were people everywhere, noises all around her as she walked slowly across the Lower Town of Camelot towards its courtyard. Her eyes saw knights, guards, nobles and even commoners._

_There was also fire, everywhere she looked but it never touched her. The city of Camelot was on fire, the flames were blazing all around her and the screams of people trapped by it were louder than those trying to snuff the fires out. Her feet led her forward, fingers curled into tights fists - no one paid any attention to her, she melted in the smoke and ash, she was like at home between the burning flames and chaos. Her heartbeat never went up when a small explosion happened behind her, the dark blue eyes were glued to the people running away from the courtyard and the flashes of steel between the flames and falling pieces of white stone._

_Her eyes locked with wide blue ones that noticed her behind the flames - the person staring at her was blurry, all she saw was a mop of golden hair what was lightly covered by ash and blood and the person's mouth that was shouting at something that looked like the start of her name - but the sight was cut off by a huge pillar of flames crashing in front of her from the skies._

_*_

_The room looked familiar, with the heavy red curtains covering the window, the four-poster bed on the other end with the blankets and pillows messily on top of it and two goblets on the dark, wooden dinner table accompanied by two jugs smelling like wine and a big plate with dried bread and fruits on it. But the thing in front of her was the one she looked at._

_It was a big, full-body mirror with a spot of multiple cracks stretching out all over the rest of the mirror, the point of impact right there where the lower half of her face was. But despite that, she saw herself well enough - the clothes looked awfully strange on her thin frame. A long, worn leather coat with straps and pockets everywhere and a huge hood covering her head, but despite that her long black hair fell over her chest from the other side of her neck, just about covering the red wound on her cheek too. There was a belt over the coat hanging over her hips with a row of daggers on it and there were two blades in their scabbards crossed in her back. A big gray scarf covered her mouth and nose, so the only thing visible on her face were the eyes._

_The cold, cruel eyes burning dirty gold._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there youhave it, an epilogue and sneak peak all wrapped in one short chapter! 
> 
> I won't promise you anything about when I'll start publishing the sequel (I might get a job, yay!), but whenever I manage to get it as least half-way written, I'll start. Keep your eyes open for _Scúrsceadu !_


	28. Scúrsceadu

_*_

 

_The mind of a warrior, the soul of a killer, the heart of who she is._

 

_The mind once hating Camelot, the soul once incapable of guilt, the heart once filled with love for him, devoted and ruthless._

 

_Memories of her change to what she needs to know, what she feels and thinks deep down._

 

_Bring the barrier down, crumble the sin she has become, bring forth the one she really is._

 

_The mind of a warrior, the soul of a killer, the heart of who she is._

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The prologue _Glad To Be Home_ of Scúrsceadu is out! Go check it out, more info in its notes!


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